Fifty Shades of Fate
by shandy96
Summary: What if Christian had a sub at the time of his interview with Anna? How would the meeting be different and would they still be drawn together by fate if Christian didn't use his wealth and stalker tendencies?
1. Chapter 1

Fifty Shades of Fate

What if Christian had a sub at the time of his interview with Anna? How would the meeting be different and would they still be drawn together by fate if Christian didn't use his wealth and stalker tendencies?

I do not own the rights to Fifty Shades of Grey…

Chapter 1

You owe me big this time Kavanaugh!, Ana exclaimed as she got dressed to drive up to Seattle to do an interview with one of the richest and most influential CEO's in the country. I am definitely no journalist…but you are the closest thing I have to a sister and since you look and feel like death I will do my best. I do, however, expect a girl's day on you. No skimping either all the perks, mani, pedi, facial, massage – the works! Kate agreed, Of course Ana, it the least I can do for you being such a great friend. Be careful and call me with all the juicy details on your way home. Remember to stick to the script. Mr. Grey is known to be a control freak and I had to run all the questions through his assistant just to secure the interview. No worries Kate, I wouldn't jeopardize your reputation and I have no desire to be there any longer than necessary. Get some rest…I will not be doing this again!

Portland to Seattle has always been a relaxing drive for me. It takes me back to times spent on road trips with my dad. We always enjoyed jumping in the car and setting out for a big adventure to the city. Arriving in Seattle I followed the directions that Kate supplied in the neatly bound notebook with all the questions and background information about Mr. Grey. Since Kate has already expressed that Mr. Grey expects timeliness I am relieved that I made it almost 30 minutes early. This will give me time to read through all of the information about Mr. Grey so I can seem a little more prepared and not like my best friend just sprung this favor on me 8 hours ago. I swear if I didn't love her so much I would wring her neck. I pull out the notebook as I sit in the parking garage. Christian Grey is a 27 year old billionare that built his wealth from the ground up. Respectable, but to be so successful at such a young age it is no wonder he is controlling. I bet he even schedules his bowel movements. I will have to do my best to not be intimidated, as an English major and book lover I tend to come across carefree and artistic; the exact opposite of Kate who is always put together and in control. This is definitely going to be interesting.

As I get the elevator and push floor 35 my palms begin to sweat. Here goes nothing….

As the doors open into the lobby of Grey Enterprises I am not shocked that it almost feels sterile. Windows floor to ceiling, white marble floors, furniture with contemporary lines and lots of black leather. Definitely not a place I would get lost in a book in, so definitely not my style. I can appreciate the power that exudes from this place even if it is not a place I could get my creative juices flowing. I imagine Mr. Grey does not have many creative juices though he probably rules this place with an iron fist. I am greeted by a striking blonde woman, wearing all black and sitting behind a massive marble desk. In her most professional and cold voice she says, Can I help you Miss? I respond in kind, yes please I am here for a 10:30 am appointment with Mr. Grey. She glances at her computer screen and gives me a warm smile. Yes, Mrs. Kavanaugh, Mr. Grey is expecting you. I quickly explain that I am standing in for Kate due to illness. My name is Anastasia Steele, I hope this won't be a problem. The woman frowns and explains, Oh I will have to inform Mr. Grey of the change please wait in the waiting area. I don't know why I am surprised that this may be a problem. I am sure that this will throw his hole self contained day in an uproar!

After waiting what seems like an eternity I am summoned. Miss Steele, Mr. Grey will see you now. I walk through a huge glass door into an expansive office that has the most breathtaking view of Pugent Sound. I stand for a few seconds in awe. I am brought back to earth by an authoritative voice behind the desk. Like what you see Miss Steele? I turn to see the most beautiful man I have ever seen. I stumble over my words, ummm yes thank you. Oh great Ana this is not going to be as easy as you expected. His presence is overwhelming...he stands to shake my hand. As our hands touch I could swear he has pure electricity running through his veins. I stumble backward forcing my hand away. Smooth, Steele he probably thinks you are a complete idiot. I meet his glance as he looks at me with just a smug grin, his grey eyes sparkling. Good Lord this man is HOT! Focus Steele...


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own the rights to Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 2

I quickly sit and fumble with the notebook Kate gave me and place a recorder on the desk. Do you mind? I ask. It will be easier than taking notes. Not at all Miss Steele, let's get started I have a very small window before my next meeting. I am sure his entire day is planned to the second. In this case I am relieved there will be no lingering and I can get in and out of here quickly. I begin asking questions off of Kate's list which of course are very to the point and professional, boring if you ask me. Blah! Blah! Blah! Is all I hear as I ask and he answers, obviously he had these questions in advance. I want out of here, but when will I have the opportunity to speak to such a powerful man again so I decide to go off script. Kate may kill me and he may kick me out, but I am doing her a favor and why shouldn't I have some fun. So Mr. Grey, you are 27 years old and no mention anywhere of a girlfriend, are you gay? I see him squirm a little and I feel amused with myself. No, Miss Steele I am definitely not gay. In fact, I have a weakness for petite brunettes. I immediately turn bright red, shit, I definitely don't have the upper hand. Relax Ana, you can do this he's just a man after all not a God. Oh, but he looks as if he fell straight from the heavens, focus, focus, focus…

Good to know Mr. Grey. Moving on, it is obvious that you like to have control in business which is undoubtedly the reason you are so successful at such a young age. Do you exercise such control in all aspects of your life, is there anything you do in particular to relax and unwind? He looks straight through me with fire in his eyes as he answers. I exercise control in ALL things Miss Steele! There is an underlying sexual tone to his voice and I feel myself start to quiver as he speaks. Maybe this was a bad idea Ana just get this done and get yourself back on the road to Portland. Very well, Mr. Grey that is all I have. Thank you for taking the time for this interview and allowing me to step in for Kate. Again he just bores through me as he stands and speaks. I assure you, the pleasure has been all mine.

I stand trying to make sure my wobbly legs don't fail me as I hurry to the door without breaking into a full out sprint. Before I can open the door he is there with his hand on my back opening the door. Please allow me…it was nice to meet you. Have a safe trip back to Portland. Thank you sir I am sure it will be just fine. I have to get out of here, is all I can think as I look for the fastest route to the elevator. As the doors close I catch his glance and I can't determine if he is attracted to me or is just smirking because I am such a fumbling idiot. I am sure that he has women falling under his spell all the time. Good God Ana there is absolutely nothing spectacular about you so obviously you were just his amusement for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 3

As I drove back to Portland I couldn't get Christian Grey out of my head. His presence was all consuming. There was no doubt he must have women lined up to get a chance with him. I think back to all the photos that Kate had compiled from social and charity functions he had attended over the last 5 years. Not one time did he have a woman on his arm. There was only one explanation since he confirmed he was not gay. He's a player. He must just use women for his enjoyment then toss them out like garbage when he is done. As beautiful as that man is, I refuse to be used. I've never really had a boyfriend to speak of. I am self-proclaimed wallflower. I like that I can be friends with men and they only see me for me and not a sex toy. There is something to be said for not having a reputation of being taken advantage of. Christian Grey will not be the one to change this.

I call Kate as soon as I turn onto I-5. Hey, Steele how did it go? Good I guess. Why did you not express how gorgeous he is? Oh that! Kate mumbles. I didn't want you to be any more nervous than you already were or I may have never gotten you to cover for me. You're damn right I would have backed out in a second had I known that he was going to make me feel like a complete and udder fool. You owe me not only a girl's day, but a girl's weekend somewhere very nice. Oh, Ana I am so sorry. What did he do? That bastard…he thinks he can get away with anything because he's pretty and rich. Kate expresses. I have it on recording so I'd rather you just hear it, although you won't get quite the full effect since you didn't get to experience his presence. It was quite intimidating. I'll be home soon, have a bottle of wine open and ready. I hang up and my thoughts are once again consumed with grey eyes staring straight to my soul…


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 4

After a few days I am again back to my old self. I have finals coming up next week and although I still think of Mr. Grey from time to time, I am more consumed with getting this next week complete so I can graduate and move with Kate to Seattle. I have sent out at least 25 resumes to publishing houses in hopes to get my foot in the door. I can see all my hard work starting to pay off. Unlike my mom, who was married with a child by the age of 22 and has since had 3 failed marriages, currently being on her 4th, I refuse to put my dreams aside for a man. Even a man as hot as Christian Grey, great there he is again. Stop it Steele you have to focus on school and you are being so silly consuming your thoughts with a man that would not possibly give you the time of day.

The next week goes by without a hitch. I aced all my exams which means I will graduate with honors. I also got a couple of job offers from publishing houses in Seattle and I have scheduled interviews every day for the week after graduation. Tomorrow is the ceremony and my parents are coming into town, I couldn't be more thrilled. Now just to get all of the last minute details wrapped up for our big move Sunday. Kate walks in to the apartment as I am bringing out the final box to stack in the living room for the movers. What are you wearing to graduation? She asks. Uh I don't know I guess I didn't really give it much thought. Well Ana you can't wear jeans and converse under your gown, you know that right? Why not? I ask. Because Steele it is a formal affair and you need to look the part, not to mention Christian Grey will be handing out our diplomas. My heart stops…as she continues speaking my head is spinning and my knees are weak. I hear Kate yell my name and I am thrust back to reality. Ana, what is wrong with you? Are you feeling okay? You can't possibly be nervous about that self-important prick? I just stare at her… she responds quickly, you are huh? Well, Kate continues, we will just have to make sure you are looking your best! I have the perfect dress and heels and I won't take no for an answer. We are going to show Mr. Grey he is messing with the wrong head.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 5

As I walk out of my room dressed in Kate's choice of attire, I am greeted by my dad. Man, Annie you have become quite a magnificent woman. You look amazing honey! Oh, dad thanks but I would much rather be in my jeans and t-shirt. I understand, but you still look stunning and I can guarantee there will be some heads turning today. Thinking to myself: there is only one I would like to realize what he will be missing out on. I talked to mom and she and Bob will be meeting us after the ceremony for dinner. I have a great local restaurant in mind so I will meet you in the front of the building right after. I love you dad, thanks so much for coming. I wouldn't have missed this for the world sweetheart, I am beyond proud of you, he says as we walk down to the car to drive to campus. I can't help but have mixed feelings about today. I am ending some of the best years of my life and beginning what I hope to be the start of all my dreams coming true.

Kate's speech is nothing short of spectacular, as expected. After Kate leaves the stage I see him. He is coming up to the podium to give the commencement address. Is there nothing this man is not good at? Everyone is hanging on his every word. I can't help but feel like he is looking straight at me the entire time. Don't be ridiculous Ana there are hundreds of students he cannot possibly spot you in this crowd. Wishful thinking I guess. As he wraps up his speech and steps back to begin handing out diplomas I hate the fact that my name begins with an S. This is going to take forever and it is going to be nothing short of torture for me. I want to just get up there, get this over with, so I can go have dinner with my family and get on with my life, minus thoughts of Christian Grey.

Finally, it is my turn to go across the stage. As I approach, I already feel heated. Get a grip Steele. He is looking straight at me with a smirk on his face. I think I might melt from the heat oozing out of him. Hello Miss Steele, he purrs. It is a pleasure to see you again. Oh my god, how does he do this to me. No man in my history had ever been able to put me in such a trance. He reaches out to hand me my diploma. As we shake hands the electricity hits me like a lightning bolt. His eyes go wide as I pull back as quick as possible. Did he feel that too? Of course not, you probably scared the crap out of him by jerking your hand back so abruptly. I cannot get off of the stage fast enough and back to my seat. After the rest of the graduates have received their diplomas we are finally dismissed. I rush through the crowd eager to get out of there thinking, I survived, sort of….


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 6

Christian's POV

I hate that I have committed to this commencement address on a Saturday. Damn it, why can't they just do this on a Thursday when I don't have a beautiful brown headed girl that needs to be disciplined eagerly waiting for her punishment in my apartment. I guess I will just have to have Charlotte stay for a couple of extra days this week. Note to self: Have Andrea clear my schedule for Monday and Tuesday so I can work out some frustrations. On a bright note I may get to see Miss Steele, such a fiery little thing. I have to admit part of me wishes I didn't already have a sub under contract. What I could do to that girl and her smart mouth. Maybe I have options if Charlotte doesn't work out. I am suddenly looking forward to this weekend. This should be interesting.

After meeting Miss Kavanaugh before the ceremony I am grateful for whatever illness she had to send Miss Steele through my door. Miss Kavanaugh is too professional. I had way more fun with Miss Steele especially when she went off script. Yes this is definitely going to be an interesting trip to Portland. Ahhh there she is, looking amazing, she could definitely use my kind of discipline. I just have to make it through this speech and then I will have a little more fun with her when she is forced to take her diploma from me. As I stare at her while I am speaking, I see her blush and look away. Boy I sure want to make her rear end the same color as those rosey cheeks of hers. Almost done Miss Steele and then we will have a little face time.

Finally, she is on the stage. She looks up at me blushing already. Hello Miss Steele. It is a pleasure to see you again. She quivers at the sound of my voice. Yes Miss Steele I have that much control over you already. I'm second guessing my contract with Charlotte now – this is a girl I could mold into anything I want. She's just a piece of clay waiting for the perfect hands…here they are I am thinking as I reach to shake her hand. What the hell was that, the electricity coming off this girl is something else. I thought I felt something in my office, but this was definitely electric. She felt it too, I can tell by her eyes. As she jerks her hand away I have to desire to pull her closer, but she is gone. Do I pursue this or let it go? Get a grip Grey you have what you need at home just get this done and get back to Seattle, what you need is already waiting for you there.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the short chapters - I write as I have time, but I will try to compile longer chapters and just post less frequently. Thanks for the reviews they are very encouraging!

I do not own fifty shades of grey...

Chapter 7

Sunday after Graduation - Portland

The movers have taken the last of the boxes Ana. We are finally on our way to start our lives in Seattle, Kate said with excitement. I am exhausted and can't wait to get the beds set up so I can crawl in and get some rest before my big interview with SIP tomorrow morning. Oh Kate, do you think I could borrow something to wear to my interview? Something tells me they won't appreciate my jeans and converse the way I do. Sure, Kate replies. I have something in mind. Now let's get on the road, we have a long trip ahead of us. I close the door to my home, my refuge, and 4 years of great memories for the last time and head down stairs to my trusty VW bug. It's bright yellow, worn around the edges and doesn't have any heat or power steering, but it has gotten me to work and is always been reliable on those days when I just need a long drive to clear my head. Bernice (yes I named my car) let's get this show on the road. I think we are both going to love our life in Seattle. Crap I'm almost out of gas – I call Kate on her cell to let her know that I have to stop for fuel and maybe a few snacks, but I will catch up to her. To the nearest gas station Bernice, pronto.

I pull into an AM/PM right of I-5 and quickly get out and get Bernice some fuel for our long road trip. While I fill her up I decide to go inside to grab a few snacks I notice an Audi SUV parked in the spot closest to the door. A man opens the door getting out and promptly knocking me to the ground. What the hell, I shout! Looking up I cannot believe my eyes. With hand extended and a look of shear embarrassment stands Christian Grey, CEO extraordinaire. I really want to run back to Bernice and hit the gas to go North on I-5, but instead I take his extended hand as he pulls me to my feet. The electrical current is ever present and my loins are quivering. I am willing myself to pull away and yet I don't. I stand there and look him straight in the face trying my damnedest to keep my composure. Then he speaks and I am doomed. Well, well, Miss Steele what a surprise meeting you here. I am really sorry for knocking you over; I didn't see you as I was getting out of the car. Somehow I find my voice and simply say, It's ok. I rip my hand from his and without looking back make my way into the store making a b line for the restroom.

Can I not catch a break? I just wanted to get Bernice and myself some fuel for the road and catch up with Kate. This man keeps popping up everywhere I turn. I splash water on my face and stare in the mirror in disbelief for at least 5 minutes hoping that I've stayed long enough to allow him time to leave. As I open the door I notice the Audi is gone. Thank God, I can get my things and finally head to Seattle. I grab a drink, some snacks and pay for my gas as well. Hopping into Bernice and entering I-5 North I am willing the sight of Christian Grey to exit my brain. I blast the radio and drown out any impeding thoughts I might have.

**Christian's POV**

**I can't get over my frustration of allowing Anastasia Steele to enter my thoughts and dreams last night. I have everything I could ever want right now, a successful career, a beautiful sub, and most of all CONTROL over every aspect of my life. So why can't I get her out of my head? I have got to get back to Seattle and my routine, messing up my schedule is just playing with my head. Taylor, do you mind stopping so I can get a bottle of water? Sure Mr. Grey. There is a gas station right off the freeway just over this next hill. As we pull in I fire off an email to Andrea about clearing my schedule and then one to Charlotte letting her know I will be back at Escala this evening and she needs to stay put. Boy, I need to get Ana Steele out of my mind and Charlotte is just the therapy to do it. As I open the door I run right into someone. Extending my hand to help them up I notice Miss Steele standing before me, this is not happening, not now. I need to get to Escala as soon as possible or I may lose my mind altogether. I tell myself, do not be rude…well, well, Miss Steele what a surprise to see you here. I am sorry for knocking you down, I didn't see you as I was getting out of the car (probably because I was thinking of all the kinky shit I was going to do to Charlotte when I made it back to Seattle to get you out of my brain). I feel the electric pulse running between our hands and I am compelled to hang on. Let go Grey, this is absolutely ridiculous, take control now. In that moment she mutters something, rips her hand away and disappears into the store. I see her enter the restroom and I know this is my chance to escape. I grab a bottle of water throw some money on the counter and jump back into the Audi demanding Taylor step on it. As we are pulling out I notice the only other car in the premises is a beat up VW. That thing is a death trap, she should not be in such a crappy machine. Christian, STOP! She is not any of your concern. You must focus on the task at hand – GET BACK TO CHARLOTTE!**


	8. Chapter 8

I would like to apologize if the conversations are hard to follow. I am definitely not a writer so please do your best. Thanks for the reviews. I will try to post often and make the chapters longer. I hope you are enjoying the story. Ana will be slightly different in my version, more aware of herself and less fickle. I will try to be true to the core of both characters though.

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 8

The last week has gone by like a whirl wind. I feel like I have been selling myself to every publishing house in Seattle. I have accepted a second interview with my top two picks. SIP is one of the largest publishers on the West Coast and Williams which is an up and coming publisher that is located in the market district of town. I am equally excited about both. I know that I will have to impress Jack Hyde the head editor at SIP in order to secure his assistant position. My first interview was less formal, I only met with the head of HR to get an idea if what kind of company SIP is and what it offers new employees. Today I am headed to downtown Seattle wearing a pencil skirt and crisp white shirt that Kate picked out for me, of course. I am so grateful to have a best friend with great fashion sense and an endless pocket book. Note to self: You will need to buy an entire wardrobe if decide to work at SIP. Jeans are not considered proper office attire. It could be fun to go on a shopping spree with Kate. I will have to make sure she understands that I will not be able to afford the stores she frequents. We could make it a game of sorts. What can you buy at Target and discounts stores to make yourself look like you shop at Saks. As I walk into the lobby I suddenly become nervous. I get on the elevator and travel 20 stories to the SIP main floor. I am greeted by a young lady with a warm smile. "Good Morning, can I assist you?" she says. I respond, yes please I am here to meet with Mr. Hyde. "Of course" she says, "please have a seat and I will buzz him." Thank goodness he does not keep me waiting long, unlike Mr. Grey when I was nervously waiting for my interview with him. Where did that thought come from? I haven't even thought twice about him since our little run in at the gas station in Portland. Okay maybe I have, but just a few times. Now suddenly he is consuming my thoughts again. Thank goodness Jack appears before they get too out of hand.

"Hello, Miss Steele please come in my office so we can begin." He speaks professionally, but something about the way his eyes travel down my body gives me the creeps. Kate did make sure I looked good today, so maybe I am just overreacting. I definitely don't get looks like that in my everyday attire. If this is what other women endure on a daily basis I would just as soon blend in and wear my plain looking clothes. We enter the office and I take a seat directly across from his desk, making sure to sit properly in a skirt is proving difficult. It is times like these that growing up a tomboy does not bode well. As he begins to speak explaining the duties of an editor's assistant my mind wonders a little, thinking of how amazing it will be to one day have an office like this and maybe be interviewing my own assistant. I hear Jack mention travel and my ears perk up. "Excuse me?" I reply. Jack repeats his last sentence, "I will expect you to travel with me some for shows and book releases. I think the experience will prove beneficial Miss Steele." The way he looks at me when he says this sends a shiver through me. He obviously means publishing experience, RIGHT? I hope we are done soon because I feel like I suddenly need a shower. As the interview winds down I ask a few obvious questions regarding hours and wage, things that I already know after speaking with HR, but I want to seem as if I am engaged and not thinking of how he totally creeps me out. As I exit, I give a wave and I warm goodbye to the receptionist. I hope she doesn't endure that treatment on a regular basis. Poor Thing!

I am immediately greeted by the cool air outside. I felt like I might smother in that office and I decide to walk a few blocks to get my bearings back before I hail a cab for a ride back to the apartment. Suddenly, I look to my left and realize that I am standing directly in front of Grey Enterprises. How far had I walked? Oh that is right SIP and GEH are only a few blocks apart. Another negative to working at SIP: creepy boss and the chance of running into the most arrogant and frustrating CEO in the country. At this point I am hoping that Williams Publishing is a gift straight from God. I feel a hand on my shoulder pulling me out of my little pity party and I turn to be greeted with grey smoldering eyes. SHIT! I should have just grabbed a taxi right outside of SIP. Good job Ana, now you are going to have to speak to him AGAIN. I am not sure how much more of this man my psyche can take. "What are you doing here?" he says in a short and almost angry tone. I'm caught a little off guard, but I answer just as callously, "I didn't realize you owned the street too Mr. Grey?" He immediately smirks, "I just wasn't expecting to see you in Seattle?" "Oh," I reply. I had a job interview today and I was just taking a walk enjoying the beautiful morning before I caught a cab home. "To Portland?" he looked confused. "of course not" Kate and I share an apartment in the market district. "We moved in last week." All I can think is, you need an escape Anna. Find a cab grab it and get the hell out of dodge. "I could drive you home if you like," he offers. "No thanks! I am sure you have a very tight schedule." I say as a cab finally comes to my rescue. I can't help but feel like the man behind the wheel has just become my knight in shining armor. I give him the address and 10 minutes later I am running up the stairs straight to my room to put some comfortable clothes on and sulk. This day was definitely not turning out the way I had hoped. Hopefully Kate will be able to get me out of this funk when she gets home.


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey...

Chapter 9

**Christian's POV**

**This weekend proved therapeutic in getting my psyche back to its normal in control, no surprises self. Charlotte always does as she is told and over the last 10 months has proven that she may be the sub that sticks around for the long haul. Thank God she doesn't read minds though. All I could think of while I was fucking her was Miss Steele and how I would love to get her in my playroom. There is definitely a positive to not developing relationships with subs. They simply serve all my needs and I in turn make sure they are well taken care of. It is the perfect arrangement for a man like me, fucked up! I need to make sure and see Elena soon and thank her again for teaching me such discipline and control. That will have to wait for now I have a business lunch that must be attended this afternoon. Calling Taylor I ask him to please bring the car around front so that I can make a quick stop before I head to lunch. As I exit the building I am pleased that Taylor is already waiting on me. Good there is not a lot of time to waste so I rush down to get in the car. **

** It can't be her! I think as I am taken aback at the sight of Miss Steele staring up at the building deep in her own thoughts. I wonder what she is thinking at this very moment and before I can stop myself I place my hand on her shoulder. I just have the urge to touch her. As she spins around I can see the shock in her face. I am suddenly angry at myself for letting emotions get the best of me. Damn it Grey you have more important matters to attend to, why did you not just walk right past her and get in the damn car. Blurting out, "What are you doing here?" Shit that came out a lot harsher than I meant. She steps back obviously offended, "I didn't know you owned the street too Mr. Grey?" Man she has a smart mouth and she needs punishment. Get control Christian. "I just wasn't expecting to see you in Seattle?" I explain hoping to make up for my rudeness. "Oh" she replies quickly and then goes on to explain that she is interviewing for a job and decided to walk before catching a cab home. I am confused at this point. "To Portland" I ask? Then she continues saying that her and Kate moved to Seattle last week. Immediately I can't decide if I am happy about the chances of running into her regularly around Seattle or angry that I am letting her bring out emotions in me that I have never had before. Without thinking I offer to take her home. She immediately turns me down. "No thanks! I am sure you have a very tight schedule." Then she disappears in the back of a cab and is gone AGAIN… my feelings run the gambit. I am relieved that she left because actually I am on a tight schedule, but I am also disappointed that I do not know when I might be in her all-consuming presence again. Get a hold of yourself Grey! How can you let such a small and obviously innocent creature have such a pull on you. "Taylor, I will need to schedule Bastille this evening in the basement." I have to work out this frustration and soon before it consumes me. Since Charlotte will not be back until Friday I will have to settle for Bastille.**

**The rest of the afternoon is less eventful. My lunch goes as planned and I keep myself busy with work until end of business in hopes to get my resolve back after my collision with Miss Steele. So far so good, I have only had a few lapses in thinking of her beautiful face throughout the day. It is nothing Bastille cannot beat out of me tonight. At 6 pm on the dot I make my way down to the basement. After sparring for 2 hours and honestly letting Bastille have the upper hand, feeling like I deserve the shit beat out of me for allowing my emotions to get the better of my judgment. "You're off your game today Grey?" Bastille looks confused. "It's nothing, I will back to my old ass kicking self before you know it." I just grab my stuff and go back to the apartment. After a long shower and dinner I decide to work in my home office. Work is the one area I still have absolute control over at this moment. My phone rings, it is my older brother Elliot. "What!" I exclaim. "Bad day huh bro?" he sounds amused. "What do you need Elliot, I'm kind of busy right now." I just want to get him off the phone and get back to the task at hand. "Sorry bro, but I am trying to get into your new club downtown and they are refusing me. I explained that I was your brother and they just aren't budging." He sounds as irritated as Elliot can be. "What would you like me to do Elliot?" I cannot believe he is bothering me about this, like it's the only club in Seattle. "Could you come down here and straighten it out, plus we could have a drink and catch up. It's been forever since I've seen you." God damn it… I don't even like clubs. I saw a chance to make a great investment and I took it. Now my idiot brother is going to make me endure loud music and drunk patrons crammed into extremely tight quarters just to get his ass in. "Give me 30 minutes, but you owe for this Elliot." I hang up and storm to the bedroom to get dressed. I hope I can get in and out of there quickly. Knowing Elliot this is going to be a disaster.**


	10. Chapter 10

I own nothing...

Chapter 10

"Hey, Ana how was your day?" Kate asks as she sets down a few groceries on the counter.

Eventful! She gives me an inquisitive look. I begin to spill everything. From Jack and his creepy eyes and conversation to running into Christian in front of GEH and then finally being able to escape Christian's offer to bring me home by ducking into a cab.

She just laughs! Sounds like quite a day. "I can't believe that Jack did that in your interview." She says as disgusted as it made me feel.

"I know! I am hoping that my interview with Williams goes better so I don't have to feel obligated to take that job with SIP." I change the subject asking about dinner and any plans she may have for tonight. She immediately gets a glimmer in her eye.

"Jose is in town and I thought we could all go out and have some fun." I can tell she has something in mind so I bite.

"Sounds fun, what are you thinking?" I ask.

"Dinner out and then we can head to a new club that they just opened in downtown." she waiting my response.

"Kate! You know I don't normally do clubs, but after the day I have had today I'm going to go along. I won't be a party pooper especially since Jose is in town."

I cannot believe I am agreeing to this, I am thinking to myself as a go to get ready. I know this is right up Kate's alley, but I can't help but feel like this is going to be a disaster. I can hear Jose and Kate in the living room as I finish up my hair. When I walk in I am greeted with nothing but mouths gaping open and huge eyes staring at me.

_"Wow Ana!" you look A-M-A-Z-I-NG Jose cannot turn his eyes off of me._

I am immediately uncomfortable. He is like a brother to me and although I don't have any siblings I am certain that a brother should never stare at his sister in such a way.

_"Jose is right Ana. I cannot believe my eyes. I knew you had the goods, but seeing them in this packaging is quite eye opening. I have a feeling you're going to break hearts tonight. I think you've already got one on the books with Jose over here." Kate jokes_

_"Shut up Kate! I feel like a complete idiot, but after the day I have had I figured what the hell, you only live once so I'm going to embrace this and just go for it."_

I am secretly proud of myself for half way ignoring my insecurities. I make through dinner oblivious of any one around, although Kate points out several times that hearts are falling all around me. I have to admit I love that she can make me smile so easily. It is just so good to be with two of my best friends reminiscing and catching up. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such love. After dinner we catch a cab, requesting to be dropped off at the new club that just opened downtown called the Capitol Club. Apparently it was just sold and the new owner complete renovated it, making it the newest hot spot in Seattle. As we arrive I am shocked at the line forming down the street and around the corner.

_"We cannot possibly think that we can get in, and I am not standing in that line all night in these shoes." I am already complaining to Kate._

_"No worries Steele I know the door man. I went to high school with his sister." She says proudly._

_"OF course you did." I just roll my eyes._

Is there any place we haven't gone that Kate hasn't had a hook up? Kate makes small talk with the door man and he smiles brightly at her as we stroll past.

_"You didn't tell me he has a crush on you Kavanaugh!" I say. Not really shocked._

_"You didn't ask," she jokes back at me._

As we make our way through the crowd I can see why this place is so popular. It is has a contemporary feel with clean lines, white marble and lots of black leather. It vaguely reminds me of someplace, but I can't put my finger on it. I am immediately brought back to reality when Kate pulls me through the crowd and we find a secluded table with a great view of the bar and the dance floor. A beautiful blond waitress comes by dressed in all black and asks for our drink order. Déjà vu' but what is it? I look to Kate who knows I couldn't order my way out of a paper sack when it comes to alcohol.

_"We'll have two cosmos to start and could you please open a tab? It is going to be a long night." She grins back at me._

Jose orders a Crown and coke adding it to Kate's tab. Why shouldn't he. He enjoys clubs about as much as I do. He may just be my saving grace tonight. We can just stick together and hope we can see this through without any major ego damage. While we are waiting on our drinks Kate drags me to the dance floor. All the while my inner wallflower is screaming NOOOOOOO! I push the thought away and just give Jose a please save me or at least join so I am not the only uncomfortable one on the floor. He gets the hint and comes to dance as well. I immediately feel myself relax. I have been at my worst and most goofy with Jose so I don't have to worry if he doesn't think I can dance he'll just look like an idiot right alongside me. Gotta love him for that!

Since it is going to be a long night (according to Kate) I decide that I will have to pace myself in the dancing department . I head back to the table just as the waitress is bringing back our drinks. Jose and Kate are still on the floor being their silly selves so I take a few minutes to people watch. One of my favorite past times and this place definitely doesn't disappoint. There are a lot of beautiful people here and I find myself feeling a little uncomfortable about my appearance. I know Jose and Kate both couldn't give me enough praise, but this is definitely not my element or my usual attire so I feel more like a fish out of water. As I am scanning the crowd I can't help but feel like I am being watched. You're just being paranoid Ana, it is probably someone that that has your number and can tell how uncomfortable you are in this extremely tight, low cut, short dress. As I order another drink I glance up and see HIM!

Why is he here? He definitely doesn't seem like the type to go clubbing. I mean he couldn't control all of these people so why would he spend an evening where people are carefree and out of control. Then it hits me. Dejavu! He owns the place. Of course he does. Remind me to somehow get a list of places he doesn't own in Seattle so I can frequent them. As I am contemplating an escape from the eyes searching my soul, I see him rise and start moving in my direction. Oh shit! I have to leave, restroom, home, dance floor? I am searching for a route and the nearest exit, but he is closing in. I opt for the last good option, the dance floor. At least if he follows me there I will have backup with Kate and Jose.

As I make my way to the floor Jose grabs me.

"Ready for round 2?" he asks

We dance close, his hands on me as we playfully grind to the music. I can still feel Christian's eyes on me but I throw myself deeper into the music and into Jose in order to escape their pull. When the song is over I look up and he's gone. I can sense it isn't far because my body can still feel his pull.

"That was a close call!" I say to Jose as we are headed back to our seat.

"What?" he yells.

"Nothing" I say.

We are now on our 4th round of drinks and my head is feeling foggy. I tell Kate I need to go to the restroom, but she doesn't hear me so I ask Jose to accompany me so I don't get lost in the crowd. All I need is to be caught by the paws of one Christian Grey in this state. There is a line out the door for the ladies room so Jose just sticks with me as I narrow closer to the door.

"Thanks for dancing with me ." he says

"it was fun!" I smile back

Before I know it his hands are around my waist and his lips are on mine. My mind is reeling. What is happening? Maybe I am dreaming (yes it's an alcohol induced dream). I open my eyes and this is no dream. I immediately push him off and look up to horror in his eyes.

"I am so sorry Ana! I got carried away. It's just the alcohol, the dancing, and that dress." He tries to explain.

"oh God Jose – I am sorry if I led you on" and barely get it out of my mouth as I turn to flee.

As I frantically search for the nearest EXIT sign and push through the door. The cool Seattle air hitting my face and allowing me to breathe, I realized that I was holding my breath in my escape. Suddenly, I lose all of my composure as well as my dinner. As I finish I open my eyes realizing that I just puked on someone's designer shoes.

"I am so sorry!" I look up pleadingly

I just puked on the shoes of one Christian Grey…and he looks livid!


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the reviews. I am not trying to copy EL James' version which means that these characters may react in ways that the original ones did not. I am writing this in hopes that others will appreciate my vision. Sorry for those that are disappointed.**

**I own nothing...**

**Chapter 11**

**Christian's Point of View**

**I can't believe I am even doing this. After the day I have had all I want to do is consume my thoughts with mergers and acquisitions, those things are not filled with emotions and feelings. I feel like I am slowly losing a grasp on my self-made reality. Since Miss Steele arrived unannounced at my office I feel as if my entire world has been flipped on its head. I guess the best course of action is to divulge to Flynn since none of my other therapies are doing the job. I will call him first thing in the morning and set up an appointment. In the mean time I need to do this favor for Elliot have a drink, fake some small talk and get back here as soon as possible.**

**I decide to drive myself as to not bother Taylor, plus I may need to take a long speed fueled drive to clear my head if this takes too long. I arrive at The Capitol Club and the valet takes my car.**

**"Good evening Mr. Grey." He is polite, but I can see his excitement at being able to sit behind the wheel of my Audi R8 spider. **

**"Thanks!" I am short and throw him the keys.**

**I spot Elliot immediately flirting with some girl in a dress that is entirely too tight, leaving nothing to the imagination. She is all over him and he relishes the attention. Get a room, I think to myself, I would never put on any type of affectionate display in a place this public. Of course, the type of affection I prefer would land me in jail so it's never really been an option. I'm glad Elliot spots me and drops the girl to meet me at the door. I am not in the mood to make nice with all of these people tonight.**

**"Hey bro, thanks for coming." Elliot is thrilled that I actually showed**

**"You owe me Elliot, I have a million things for work that I should be doing instead of being here holding your hand just so you can get laid." I am fuming.**

**"You work too hard Christian, maybe you should try getting laid once in a while. You probably wouldn't be so uptight." He laughs hysterically.**

**I just ignore him, thinking, if you only knew big brother!**

**The door man immediately recognizes me and I am quick to inform him that Elliot is my brother and in the future should be granted entrance without me having to come down and vouch for him.**

**"I am so sorry Mr. Grey, we've had a couple of people claim to be friends and family of yours so I decided better to air with caution." Cameron is quick to defend himself.**

**"It is fine this time, but now you know and I don't want him denied again." **

**"No problem sir, it won't happen again." He is stumbling and I know I got my point across.**

**We enter and I immediately feel clausterphobic. It is wall to wall people. I barely make it through business and charity events that are far more civilized than what is happening in here. I am more than grateful when Ariana (the club manager) greets me and immediately takes us to the VIP area where I can get back some of my personal space. She sets us up with a waitress who takes our order and is off to fetch our drinks. **

**"This is amazing bro." Elliot is in awe.**

**"Thanks it turns a pretty good profit." I have been happy with this investment so far. **

**"It draws in some beautiful ladies as well." He points toward the dance floor at two women dancing near a handsome Hispanic guy.**

**"She is fucking HOT!" he expresses singling out a tall blonde with mile long legs sporting a red bandage dress and Jimmy Choo paltforms. **

**I don't respond, thinking that blondes aren't really my thing. Now the brunette next to her, that's more…What the FUCK! It's Anastasia, wearing a barely there royal blue, I guess you can call it a dress. Why the hell is she here, and dressed like that. I feel myself get hard at the sight of her. She is an amazing specimen. I become overwhelmed with a mixture of emotions. First lust then jealousy, all these other perverts are getting the same show, last rage I have to get her out of here. I would not be able stand seeing another man's hands on her body. Slow down Grey you are not her keeper. I simmer myself somewhat and ask for another drink, make it a double. I decide to just keep an eye out for her. Any sign of trouble and I will have to act. She leaves the dance floor and goes to sit at one of the tables in direct line of my view. I notice she orders a drink then is scanning the crowd. Is she looking for someone? Is she meeting someone here? My imagination is running wild. Then our eyes meet and I feel the heat rise in my body. Gone is the rage, this is pure lust. I need to touch her, hold her, have her NOW!**

**Before I can think I am on my feet. I vaguely hear Elliot ask where I am off too. As I part the sea of people my eyes never leave her. She looks panicked, I have to reassure her that I won't hurt her (or will I?) Damn these mixed feelings. One second I want to bend her over my knee and spank her endlessly for letting other men see her like that; then all I can think of is ripping off that dress and taking my time exploring her body, giving her nothing but pleasure. As I am lost in my thoughts I notice she is on the move. Where the hell is she going? She almost full out sprints to the dance floor and into the arms of that bastard, the handsome Hispanic, that is obviously thrilled to have her back in his arms. Is that her boyfriend? Oh shit, I would have never dreamed she would be taken. I stand for a minute watching as they explore one another's bodies. It is obvious that he is madly in love with her. I can't help but feel betrayed and have to walk away before I rip him off of her and do something I might regret.**

**Sitting with Elliot he continues to talk about the blonde that is now sitting next to Anastasia. I realize that it is Kathryn Kavanaugh that I met at the graduation ceremony a few weeks back.**

**"Her name is Kathryn." I say blankly to Elliot**

**"You know her?" Elliot is thrilled**

**"I met her, a couple of weeks ago in Portland while I was giving a commencement speech." I am still reeling from the site of Anastasia on the dance floor with the bastard that is now sitting beside her hanging on her every word. **

**"You have to introduce me bro!" Elliot is now pleading**

**"Sure." I say let's go**

**We get up to head to their table when I notice that Anastasia is leaving the table with HIM. I can't help but wonder where they are off to. They seem to be heading toward the restroom. The line is long so I know I have time to introduce Elliot to Kate then move toward the restrooms where I can keep an eye on her.**

**"Hello, Miss Kavanaugh. How are you?" I say in the most professional voice I can conjure.**

**"Why Mr. Grey what in the world are you doing in a place like this?" she seems surprised**

**"I own it." Seeing the surprise in her eyes I know I need to be brief if I am going to get to Anastasia. **

**"I would like to introduce you to my brother Elliot." Pushing Elliot in her direction I notice that she is as taken with him as he with her. **

**Favor complete, now I need to hurry, I turn the corner and see something that has my blood boiling. Miss Steele in a passionate lip lock with her admirer. I can't help but picture ripping his lips right off his face. My imagination continues to get carried away, when I see Anastasia push him away with a panic stricken face. He looks at her with an apologetic expression obviously very sorry for over stepping his boundaries. She backs away saying something that I can't make out and then she is on the move again. I keep my eyes fixed on her, she is wobbly and pale. She is headed for the exit. I take a different one knowing where she will end up. I approach, realizing that she is drunk! I am livid, how could she put herself in that kind of situation. Any sleaze could have taken advantage of her in this state. As I reach her I am greeted with the sound of hurling, directly on my shoes. She looks up at me mortified and then I see that she realizes it's me and she looks terrified.**


	12. Chapter 12

I am going to try to combine their POV in this chapter so here goes nothing. I know you would prefer longer chapters, but since I am not really a writer I just write as the thoughts come and then stop when I reach a wall. I figure something is better than nothing, but I will try to get better at making them longer.

Chapter 12

"Mr. Grey I am so sorry about your shoes. I will be happy to pay for them." I am hoping this will calm him down.

**"Fuck the shoes Anastasia I don't need you to pay for them." I am pissed at how she has let herself get into this state. What is she thinking? I have to get her somewhere safe.**

"I am sure you don't, but you don't have to be an asshole. I am just trying to do the right thing here." Why does he always make me feel like I am an insecure teenager all over again?

**"Do the right thing, do the right thing? The right thing would have been to not go to a club dressed like….THAT (he's motioning up and down her body) and then end up wasted letting God knows who put his hands all over you and then locking his filthy lips on yours." I feel better getting out, but I can tell by her expression that she is confused. Shit! I have let my emotions get the better of me and now there is going to be hell to pay.**

"Why in the hell would you care where I am, how I am dressed, and who has their hands on me? You have talked to me what? Less than a handful of times and all of a sudden you are my dad?" I am fuming at the gall of this man. "For your information Jose is one of my best friends, not a complete stranger. I am perfectly safe with him."

**"You didn't look like you felt safe after that passionate kiss he laid on you!" **

"Are you spying on me Mr. Grey?" Oh, this is just getting worse and worse.

"I am a grown woman and I don't need some Neanderthal CEO, know it all stalking me and acting like I can't possible handle myself." Are we clear?

**"I own this club Miss Steele and it is in my best interest to make sure that the patrons are not taken advantage of." Convincing lie Grey; That is the best you could come up with.**

"Well then Mr. Grey there is a club full of drunk women that would just kill for your supervision, so why don't I leave you to it." Does he think I am buying this bullshit?

Ana turns to leave and feels her head spinning. Between the drinks, the kiss and this ridiculous argument she begins to wobble and feels herself falling.

**"Anastasia, are you okay?" I notice she is…falling. I run to her and catch her body before she hits the concrete. I have to get her home. I call Elliot and ask to speak with Kate. I knew he would still be by her side.**

**"Kathryn, Anastasia is not doing too good and I am going to take her home. I fear that she drank too much and has passed out." I hang up before she has a chance to answer. After all I am not asking her permission, but making sure she knows that her friend is safe. I then call the valet to have my car pulled to the rear of the building. I don't want anyone to see her in such a state. As I put her in the car and buckle her in I notice her dress is pushed up revealing her lacy underwear. As much as I am enjoying being able to feel her in my arms and the sight of her body I remind myself that she is not mine. I am in a relationship with a contracted sub that has been nothing but superb at helping me with my frustrations. I have never been more torn. Sticking with the life I know and can control or giving into these emotions that I have no idea how to control, much less what they even mean. I must see Flynn first thing. Right now, my only concern is getting Miss Steele to her bed so she can sleep off this stupor she has gotten herself in. I suddenly realize that I have no idea where she lives. I could call Welch or Taylor and have them run a simple search, but it is 3 am and I hate to interrupt their slumber for something so silly. You're already getting soft Grey, what is she doing to you. I must admit that mostly I want to see her through this and don't want to be out of her presence just yet. Escala it is…**

**I carry her through the door and straight to the master bedroom. I could never let her sleep in Charlotte's room that would be hard to explain to them both. I lay her on my bed and strip the tiny piece of cloth that was barely covering her body and replace it with one of my t-shirts. I place her in the covers and decide that it is best to sleep beside her just in case she gets sick in the middle of the night or wakes up in a strange place. I stay fully clothes and slip under the covers. Suddenly, I am exhausted. I drift off to sleep and am comforted by dreams of Anastasia instead of my normal nightmares.**

I wake up with a pounding headache. It takes a few minutes to get my bearings and then I look over and see Christian Grey sleeping peacefully beside me. I look down realizing that I am wearing one of his t-shirts. Dear God No! I am in his bed with him and in one of his t-shirts. What did I do last night. Please tell me this is not the way I am going to lose my virginity. That's just perfect, I have been deflowered and I don't even remember it. Where are my clothes? I have to get out of here. I quietly get out of the bed, find my clothing slip it on and head to the door. As I exit the bedroom I can't help but admire what a beautiful man he is. I locate the front door and without stopping to see the expansive space I slip out and head to the elevator. As it opens I am greeting by a striking brunette, dressed impeccably (strangely she looks similar to me…WEIRD!) and staring a whole straight through me. I am not quite sure what I have just walked into so I choose to take the high road and be overly friendly.

"Hello, how are you? My name is Ana. Lovely day today isn't it?" hoping to disarm her stare.

"Hello to you. Lovely for you maybe, my name is Charlotte." I feel like ice is running through my veins at the chill she is giving off.

She never takes her eyes off me as the elevator closes. Well that was AWKWARD! I wouldn't want to be Christian Grey when she comes at him with all kinds of questions. I have plenty of those for him myself, but right now I have to figure out where I am and find my way back home. Thank God there is a cab sitting right outside the large white building with the word ESCALA printed above the expansive glass doors. I hop in without looking back and give the cabby my address. He looks knowingly at me and heads toward the ocean.


	13. Chapter 13

**Continued thanks for the reviews. I will try to keep posting rapidly...**

**I own nothing...**

**Chapter 13**

**I am jolted from my finally pleasant sleep with a slamming of a door. I sit straight up in bed and look over to see that Anastasia is gone. That must have been her leaving. Shit! I was hoping to wake before her and explain what had happened last night after she passed out. She probably thinks that I took advantage of her. I need to find her and explain…first I need to call Flynn and get an appointment so I can have my head right when I speak to her. I locate my blackberry and dial.**

**"Hey John, I need to see you as soon as possible. No I can't discuss it over the phone. 1 hour that is perfect see you then." I hang up and then hear more slamming of doors. **

**I know that it is not Taylor he would never be so abrupt. I am stricken with fear, trying to remember if I locked the playroom after Charlotte left yesterday morning. How would I even begin to explain that room to Anastasia especially if she is thinking that I took advantage last night. She probably thinks I am a monster! I am, but I need to explain somehow, some way! I run out of the bedroom and am stunned as I see Charlotte standing in the kitchen, hands on her hips, rage in her eyes. On any other day I would be pissed at her for taking such a stance at me, but after last night and this morning's events I can only assume what she is thinking.**

**"Hello, Charlotte. Is there a reason why you are here on a Tuesday morning?" I am trying to disarm her without going into my Dom persona.**

"Would you like to explain the brunette that I ran into on the elevator leaving here on this Tuesday morning?" she is pissed and a little hurt.

**"I can assure you that what you are thinking is not anywhere near the truth." As I am saying this all that I can think of is what Anastasia must have thought when she saw Charlotte , especially if she thinks I took advantage.**

"Why don't you enlighten me?" She is teetering on rage

**"Charlotte I don't have to explain myself to you. All you need to know is that in no way did I break our contract and what you saw changes nothing between us." I say it hoping to convince myself **

"Well Christian I came here hoping to make some changes to our contract." She is walking toward me with passion in her eyes. "Have I not pleased you over the last 10 months?"

**"You have kept your end of the contract, yes. I have no complaints" what in the world is she wanting from me.**

**As she stalks closer to my body I am getting more confused. What is she getting at.**

**"Get to the point Charlotte!" I am impatient now. I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn and I need to get her on her way.**

"I want more Christian. I am falling for you. I love your dominant persona and I want to love the rest of you too." She is trying her hardest to convince him of her devotion. She reaches up and touches his chest.

**What the hell is she saying – she wants more. Why does it always come down to this? I have always explained to these women that I don't do more. Is she trying to touch me? Please do not touch me, don't touch me….shit she touched my chest.**

**"Get your fucking hands off of me" I scream! **

** She is taken aback and has fear in her eyes. All I can think is good, I want you afraid. Be very afraid. If I didn't have a standing appointment with my shrink about this fucked up head of mine in less than 30 minutes I would beat the living shit out of you. Get control Christian, you don't have time to do what you are wanting. **

**I am yelling, "Damn it, I went over this, I do not do more. I don't do girlfriends. I don't do hearts and flowers. I FUCK and I dominate Charlotte! We had a good thing. That is over now. I am leaving and I want you gone for good by the time I get back. Consider our contract null and void."**

**As I storm away toward the door I can hear her run toward the guest room sobbing. I hate that I have hurt her, but this is who I am and it is better she know and be afraid so she will never have the desire to touch me again. I cannot guarantee I wouldn't hurt her badly if it happened again. I may have to pay for a double session with Flynn today. I have a lot of shit to get worked out.**


	14. Chapter 14

I own nothing...

Chapter 14

I walk into the apartment and straight into a make out session in progress on the couch.

"Sorry Kate! Don't mind me I'll be in my room." I apologize trying not to notice that her willing partner looks familiar.

"Wait Ana, I want you to meet Elliot. " Kate responds almost giddy.

"Ana this is Elliot, Elliot Grey."

I reach my hand out, my head spinning and I know I must have the most horrified look on my face. That is why he looked familiar, he was sitting next to Christian at the club last night. Oh, God please give me an escape before I say something about his brother I might regret. I vaguely hear him say something along the lines of nice to meet you. I give a small smile and quickly excuse myself to my room. Shit, shit, shit! I need to get in the shower and wash away the frightening unknown, but how do I escape without having to converse with the newest member of the Grey family to tumble into my life. I just hope he is nothing like his brother. The thought of him being livid with me, then taking advantage of my drunken state . What a hypocrite! He was actually lecturing me about Jose…Oh, god Jose. I need to make sure and contact him today to solidify our friendship. I don't know what I would do if I lost him. He and Kate are the closest things I have to siblings and I cherish them.

I decide that I just have to bite the bullet and head to the bathroom. When I exit the room I notice they are back into their make out session and don't even notice as I slip into the bathroom and lock the door. I have random thoughts swirling in my head. What the hell happened last night? Did I do something I am going to regret for the rest of my life? Is Elliot as much of an ass as his brother? I need to keep an eye out for Kate, I don't want her falling for this Grey character too easily. Kate is stronger than me in a lot of areas (okay most areas), she doesn't take shit from anyone, but when it comes to men she falls too easily. She puts up a good front and talks tough, but her head gets easily distracted by her heart. She reminds me a lot of my mother. Always falling head over heels before the relationship ever gets off the ground. Thank goodness I have been around to keep Kate grounded or she would already have been married by now to God only knows who. My mom has been married 4 times in my 22 years. I don't really count my dad (so 3) since he died before I was born. I love Ray as my father, but I can't help but wonder if my mom would have stayed committed to my dad if he had not left her and how that would have changed my view on relationships. It isn't that I have never been attracted to anyone or desired to be someone's girlfriend I just found myself too consumed in school and enjoying life to notice if anyone might have an interest. I have always loved to observe human behavior and at a young age (topped with my mom's fickle love life) I realized that girls would devote themselves to one certain boy and give up everything just to have their hearts shattered into a million pieces. I decided a long time ago I was better off waiting.

I stand under the stream of scalding water until is runs cold. I am feeling a little better, but my head is still throbbing and since I have no plans until tomorrow all I want to do is put on some pajamas and lay in bed all day. Exiting the bathroom I run directly into Kate.

"What's going on Ana?" she looks concerned. "Christian called me last night, well actually he called Elliot and asked to speak to me, and said you weren't feeling well and he was going to bring you home. Imagine my surprise when you walk in the front door in the same clothes you were wearing last night. I was so consumed with Elliot (we will definitely be talking about that later) that I thought you were sleeping in your room the entire time."

I know I need to confide in someone or I might actually lose my mind.

"Can we talk in my room? I don't' want Elliot to hear." I follow her into my room and we sit on the bed.

"Elliot stepped outside to take a call so you won't have to worry about him eavesdropping so SPILL!" she demands.

"Oh Kate, I really don't know what happened! One minute I was yelling at that prick and then the next my head was spinning and I was falling. I assume all of the excitement and alcohol got the better of me. I woke up this morning in his bed, wearing his t-shirt with him lying beside me sound asleep." The tears start to flow.

"Oh my God Ana, did you…?" She is in shock.

"I don't know, I can't remember a damn thing." I am terrified and grateful at this realization. If I did lose my virginity in a drunken stupor it is best that I don't recall the details.

Kate looks me straight in the eye, trying to be the voice of reason, "Was there any blood?"

"No, but why would there be blood?" I am confused and then I remember back to middle school sex-ed classes. When you lose your virginity the hymen in broken and it is highly likely that you will have bloody discharge. Thank God!

"Well then you're virtue is still intact! Congratulations! Although, I am a little disappointed in you Ana; you had one of the hottest and definitely most powerful man in bed and all you did was sleep!" She says with a huge smile.

"Shut up Kate! As much as I would love for Christian Grey to have his hands all over my body I would like to be completely sober and at least remember it." I cannot believe I actually said it out loud.

"Well, well! Looks like there is a kink in your armor after all Miss Steele! You have a crush on Mr. Grey!" she looks thrilled.

"I cannot deny that he is HOT, more like the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on. He is just so damn frustrating. One minute he looks at me like I am the most important and beautiful woman on the planet and the next he is yelling at me for no reason. This man is pushing me to the edge of sanity." I am so confused by what I am feeling.

"All I can say is, if he is anything like is older brother, you are in for the time of your life." Kate is bragging.

Blushing I definitely don't want details. That is all I need is to have expectations that will never come to fruition especially now that I am sure he is taken. What other explanation would there be for my encounter with "Charlotte". Pushing it out of my mind I convince Kate that I want to dish about her night, but my head is hurting and I am exhausted. None of it a lie, more than anything I just want to shut my eyes and hope to wake up with this all being a bad dream. Kate leaves and I slip on my earphones dozing off immediately with a mix of my favorite songs playing.

**Christian's POV**

**When I arrive in the parking garage I notice Charlotte's A3 parked in its usual spot. I will miss seeing it there when I get home this Friday night. Thinking back to the recent events I know this is for the best. As good of a sub as she is I cannot allow her closer to me. I care for her well-being, so she will be allowed to keep any gifts that she received over the last 10 months including the A3, however, I will have to avoid contact with her at all costs. Taylor is already in the SUV waiting to drive me to Flynn's office. I am grateful that I won't have to do anything but ride mindlessly in the backseat right now. I am sure after Flynn is done with me I will feel much more like my old self. I HOPE!**

**On the way to see Flynn I am overwhelmed by the thoughts running through my head. One minute I am mad at myself for scaring the shit out of Charlotte and the next I am grateful that I did end it. I could never love her like she would want me to. Hell, I wouldn't know what love is even if it hit me square in the eyes. Yes it is best that it is over. More than anything I am confused that last night I didn't have any nightmares. In fact, I had the most erotic and wonderful dreams of Anastasia touching me all over and me reciprocating by worshiping her body. What does this mean? No one has EVER been able to touch me and I have never had anything but nightmares about what that bastard did to me when I close my eyes. I have had nights when there is NOTHING just sleep, and I am so grateful for those nights when they come. This was different. Unlike any sleep I have ever experienced. I woke up rested, anticipating seeing Anastasia. I must talk to Flynn about this. It's just a fluke, RIGHT?**

**"Thanks for seeing me on short notice John." I sit and we begin.**

**"No problem Christian. I could tell by your voice that something is troubling you." **

**"I really don't know where to begin."**

**"The beginning would be helpful." He smirks at me.**

**I divulge all of the events of the last month. Meeting Anastasia, graduation, running into her in front of GEH, the club, taking her home, her leaving and running into Charlotte; finally I talk about my last interaction with Charlotte. Flynn knows about all of my subs. He is the one person, other than Elena that I have let have all of my secrets. I know he doesn't understand the BDSM lifestyle and wants more for me, but he has never judged this area of my life. That is probably why I have been with him for the last 5 years. Before Flynn I changed therapists about every 6 months.**

**"Well Christian this is a lot to take in at once." He looks surprised "Why do you think that you have become so protective of Miss Steele?"**

**"I have no idea, that is why I am here," I am starting to get irritated. I hate when he plays with my head. I know he has good intentions and I eventually see the purpose, but it nevertheless is so frustrating.**

**"Let's talk about Charlotte first." He says "Are you upset that she touched you, that she wants more, or that you can't give her more?"**

**"I don't know…all of it I guess. I am pissed that she touched me. You know as well as she, touching is my hard limit. I cannot stand it. I am furious that every time I think I have a good thing, that life is going smoothly these women decide to go all hearts and flowers on me. I am upset that I am so broken and I just don't ever feel, like I know a normal human being should feel. I know I should want more, but I just don't." I feel better at admitting this for the hundredth time.**

**"Well that is a start. Do you love Charlotte? You have spent the last 10 months with her meeting your every demand." **

**"No, I don't know? What the hell does love even feel like?" back to square one. "I respect her for sticking to the contract. I care about her well-being, but I can't say that I miss her company during the week. I look forward to coming home on Friday night and her being at Escala, but only because I know she will help me forget the stresses of my week in the playroom. I also look forward to her leaving on Monday morning because I can go back to business with no distractions on my mind." This is why I use subs, I think to myself. There is nothing in me that wants MORE.**

**"Okay, taking from what you just said I would say that you respect Charlotte, but you definitely don't love her." He explains.**

**"You're the expert her," I quickly respond **

**"Let's move on to Anastasia, Miss Steele." He looks directly at me and continues talking. "From what I can gather she is bringing out some emotions in you that you are unsure of."**

**"You think?" I say sarcastically**

**"Has she expressed any kind of interest in having a relationship with you?" He says curiously**

**"We have never had a real conversation other than the time she was interviewing me for the school paper and most of her questions were scripted by Miss Kavanaugh."**

**As John is speaking I think back to all of my interactions with Anastasia. Each time I am thrilled to see her, I cannot take my eyes off of her and I have the urge to pull her to me and keep her safe.**

**"Yet you are still drawn to her every time she is in the vicinity of you?" Is he reading my mind?**

**"Yes" I say nodding.**

**"Christian, I don't want to scare you, but I think that Miss Steele is slowly showing you what all of your subs and I know. You are capable of more and surprisingly, you desire more." He is smiling.**

**"Not possible!" I am willing this to be false.**

**"This is not going to sink in overnight, hell I have been working on you for 5 years, and this girl has brought out emotions and feelings in a hand full of run-ins. I think that you would be wise to see where this road might take you. I will be here to guide you and I suggest you take it slow. I also think you were wise to cut things off with Charlotte. I don't agree with how you did it, but it is what it is. My suggestion is you let yourself feel whatever emotions rise in the presence of Miss Steele.""**

**He can't be serious! "How do you suggest I do that?" I would be changing everything I know about myself. I trust Flynn, but I think he has lost his mind. I get up to leave, thanking him again for his time. As I exit I hear him say. "Trust me in this Christian, give it a shot and call me anytime!" he sounds almost giddy. As crazy as I think he is. My only desire is to see Anastasia and at the very least explain myself for last night. I can't leave her thinking I took advantage. I have no idea where she lives and as much as I want to call Welch, I settle for Elliott. If I know my brother he took Miss Kavanaugh home last night. I get the address, after finding that he is still there. I tell Taylor to step on it. I can't let her think bad of me any longer. On the way, I call Andrea and have her clear my schedule for the day. This is too important to put off.**


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I am working at making the chapters longer. Please know that I want to stay true to the characters, but I do feel like EL James could have developed Ana a bit more.. As I am writing I may take liberties that some of you won't agree with. Bare with me. I definitely feel like they are soul mates, I just want to tell their story differently.

I own nothing...

Chapter 15

My dreams are filled with him. He stares down at me with soft grey eyes and then his mouth consumes me. The feeling is heavenly, like puzzle pieces that were made to fit perfectly. I don't want him to stop EVER. I literally could die with his hands roaming my body the happiest girl this side of heaven. I groan as he trails kisses down my stomach. When he reaches my inner thighs I feel as if I might explode. I am forced back into reality with a knock on the door. I know I am blushing from my dream so I pause to gather myself before I say, "Come in!"

Is my mind playing tricks on me? Christian Grey in the flesh is standing in my bedroom. I nonchalantly pinch myself to make sure I am actually awake and this is not some mutation of my previous dream. Yep, wide awake; his eyes are searching mine filled with what looks like remorse, grief, sympathy. How can I be mad at this beautiful man when he looks at me like that.

**CPOV:**

**As I look at her sitting in her bed I am filled with remorse over the happenings of the last 24 hours. I want to make sure she understands that I didn't and would never take advantage of her. I definitely want her, but I want all of her, I want her fully aware of how much pleasure I can bring to her. Thinking about it makes me instantly hard. First things first Grey, you need to apologize and then try to make her understand that Charlotte means nothing to you. As I am searching for the words she speaks.**

I speak first saying softly, "What are you doing here?"

**"I had to see you, talk to you. After the way you left I just couldn't let you think…" he trails off running his hands through his thick copper hair. **

**CPOV:**

**The thought of it makes me angry at myself for letting her leave without knowing.**

Could he be any hotter, I have to get control of my lustful thoughts. This is a serious matter and I know we need to clear the air.

"I know nothing happened, Christian." I say it before he has a chance.

**He replies confused, "How do you know? You were out cold Anastasia, I only changed you into my t-shirt to make you more comfortable…I was thinking that I would wake before you and be able to explain, but you were gone."**

**How the hell does she know? What is she hiding? Maybe she realized I was fully dressed under the covers…that must be it. I needed to explain why I undressed her, I don't want her to see me as a pervert.**

"Yes, I am sorry about that. I just woke up thinking I had done something stupid and I had to get out of there." I have to be honest with him.

**"If you left thinking that I had taken advantage of you, then how do you know now that I didn't?" **

"I just do, please drop it okay!" I am firm but not harsh with my words. I can't possibly tell him in this setting that I am still a virgin at 22. He would probably laugh and run for the hills. This is the first civil conversation we have ever had and I need to see it through.

**I drop it. Obviously she doesn't want me to know her secret. I have to respect that, I am keeping plenty of fucked up secrets from her. I need to know if she met Charlotte and what was said.**

**"I assume you met Charlotte?" he takes his eyes away and looks at the floor looking ashamed.**

I had almost forgotten about that, especially after the dream I just had.

"Sure did, she's beautiful, Christian, not very warm or friendly but very beautiful." I pause and waiting for him to respond.

**God damn it! What did Charlotte say to Anastasia? She could not possibly understand the nature of our relationship. I hope she kept her mouth shut. My sorted sex life is something I have to explain to Anastasia. **

**Trying not to show my anger I speak, "What the hell did she say to you." The anger gets the better of me and at this moment I once again would like to beat the shit out of Charlotte, this time not for pleasure.**

"Not a lot really, it was just her tone and the icy stares she was projecting at me."

Why is he so pissed at me or is he pissed at her? I honestly don't blame her. If I was in the same situation I would have gone bat shit crazy!

"I am sure she has every right to be pissed. I was leaving your apartment first thing in the morning and even I thought I was doing the walk of shame. I am grateful that an icy stare was all she gave me." I want him to understand that I respect his being in a relationship and I will not be the other woman. I could never do that to someone.

**She thinks I am in a relationship with Charlotte and she got caught sneaking out of my apartment. How in the hell am I going to explain that Charlotte is, scratch that, was my sub, not my girlfriend. Think Grey. She isn't ready for the entire truth yet so I will be honest and vague.**

**"She isn't my girlfriend Anastasia and she has no claim to treat anyone coming out of my apartment the way she treated you." I hope she doesn't ask for details.**

I look at him with relief, and more questions. "Okay, have you told her that? I think if she had a knife she would have slit my throat right then."

**"We discussed it after you left and she won't be a problem any longer. I no longer have a working relationship with her after this morning." I tell the truth.**

Somehow I feel like there is more to this story, but I have my own secrets and I will just have to trust that there is a good reason he is not telling me the entire story. Christian Grey is not going to throw away a relationship with such a beautiful and put together woman on my account. Let it go Ana!

**I step closer to her. I have an immense desire to wrap her in my arms. Before my mind can tell me not to I pull her off the bed and into me. I am grateful when she doesn't fight me and I take a deep breath smelling her hair, Vanilla, I think to myself. I literally feel like I could hold her like this for a lifetime. What is happening to me? I think back to Flynn and how he told me to allow myself to feel whatever emotions came about. For the moment I put all negative thoughts out of my mind and just enjoy having her safe with ME.**

Christian Grey is holding me. I can feel his heartbeat it is strong and quick. My blood rises with desire. I feel like I am home and safe. There is no other place that I would rather be at this moment. I stand very still hoping that he doesn't see this as a mistake and let go. We stand silent in each others arms. I could let him just hold me forever. I take in his scent, it is hard to describe, manly yet soft, musky yet clean he smells exactly like "Christian".

"I am sorry that I passed out on you last night," I feel like I need to get it off my chest. I can't believe I was so stupid and got drunk.

**"I am glad I was there! You could have been taken advantage of. I would never do that Anastasia. I want you awake and engaged not comatose and limp. Although I would like to discipline you for putting yourself in danger, you need to be taught a lesson." I can't lie to her, every fiber in my being wants to lay her on this bed and take her now.**

My body freezes at his confession. Is he saying he "wants" me? I feel a quiver down deep in my body and I am having a hard time not letting him take me right here and now! As much as I want him, not here, not with Kate and Elliot in the next room; I have to distract him and fast.

"I'm starving! I just realized I haven't eaten all day." I hope that works.

He pull away looking at me with anger searing in his eyes.

**"Why the hell have you not eaten? You really don't take care of yourself Anastasia. Last night you were drunk and today you don't eat. I really should bend you over my knee right now and spank you. Food NOW discipline later."**

I just stand there stunned, I wasn't expecting whatever just happened. I don't know whether to be pissed that he is treating me like a child or turned on at the thought that he cares about my well-being and wants to put his hands on my bare skin. We have to get out of this room fast.

**"Get dressed we are going to eat!" I can tell he won't take no for an answer.**

"Ummm could you at least turn around and give me some privacy?" I am mortified. I know he changed my clothes last night, but I am fully aware of him being in my presence today and I am not quite ready to strip in front of him.

**"I'll just wait outside with Kate and Elliot." He turns and walks out.**

I change clothes, opting for my normal attire, jeans, t-shirt and converse. I have been dressing up entirely too much lately and today I want to be comfortable. As I enter the living room there are 3 sets of eyes staring at me. Kate looks amused, Elliot looks entertained, and Christian looks lustful. Of course that my just wishful thinking on my part. Christian stands and explains that we are going to grab something to eat and he will have me back in a while. We are greeted by a built, handsome man standing outside the Audi SUV that I saw Christian in at the gas station in Portland.

**"Taylor, Miss Steele, Miss Steele, Taylor." **

"Nice to meet you and please call me Ana," I hate the formality of Miss Steele. I need to discuss with Christian how he calls me Anastasia, I would much rather him just call me Ana.

**"Escala, please Taylor." **

"We are going to your apartment to eat?" I am definitely confused.

**"Yes Anastasia, I want to continue our conversation without interruptions or distractions." I hope I can control myself in such private quarters, but I don't want strangers spying on our time together.**

"Please call me Ana," I hope I survive this lunch. I mean this in more ways than one.


	16. Chapter 16

I own nothing...

Chapter 16

Moments later we are pulling into the parking garage. Taylor parks and promptly holds my door for me to exit the vehicle. I follow Christian to the elevator. Taylor stays put letting us enter the elevator alone. As the doors close I can feel his eyes roaming my body. I try to look straight ahead willing myself to ignore my body singing. He stops the elevator between floors and pushes me against the wall. His mouth is instantly on mine. I let out a groan of pleasure as my body wins the war with my head. I search his mouth with mine yearning to be devoured. Just when I think I may spontaneously combust he lets me go, looking deep into my soul with his grey eyes that seem to be consumed in flames.

**"Sorry", he says. "There is something about elevators…" he trails off lost somewhere deep in his own thoughts. **

"Apparently so", escapes my lips and my desire is growing by the second. I am suddenly afraid that I will have no will power against this powerful and sexy man.

**As I release her I can tell that her desire for me is just as intense. I really don't know what came over for me. My subconscious is having a heyday with my brain, taking Flynn's advice straight to heart. In this close proximity I am overwhelmed with her presence. I feel as if my soul is bared and she can see straight through me. It is a major turn on, but most of all it is quite distressing. I finally understand that Anastasia Steele just might be the downfall of all the walls that I have built around me through out my life. She is my kryptonite so to speak. I am beyond terrified! **

The elevator stops. We both step out and he places his hand on the small of my back guiding me through the door. My body is immediately heating up. Luckily we are greeted by a middle aged woman in the kitchen. She is my savior at this very moment . She immediately says hello, introducing herself as Gail, Mr. Grey's housekeeper. I extend my hand.

"Very nice to meet you, my name is Ana," I smile warmly at her.

She responds professionally stating to Mr. Grey and myself that she had been expecting us and lunch was almost ready. I glance over to something shiny on the counter. There is a pile of things that don't seem to belong; a key, cellphone, laptop and a note lying flat on top. I cannot make out what the note says, but the signature is unmistakably "CHARLOTTE". My thoughts start running rampant in my head. Why would she have a key to his apartment if they did business together and if the "business" relationship was over why on earth would she leave a hand written note instead of a formal letter of resignation. Christian Grey does not strike me as the type to like hand written resignations. I have to get to the bottom of this. I can't let myself get any more emotionally involved with him until I know the truth. ALL OF IT!

**As Gail is speaking I notice Anastasia's eyes wondering and settling on the kitchen counter in the distance. Oh fuck! Charlotte left her stuff and a note after our encounter this morning. I knew she was gone because the A3 was not in the garage, but I hadn't counted on having other proof of our relationship in plain sight. By the look on Anastasia's face she can see who it is from. I guess I won't be able to be as vague about our arrangement now. I decide that it will have to wait until after lunch. I need to get some food in her body before I scare the living shit out of her. At least if she leaves suddenly, I will know she is well fed.**

I turn to Christian hoping he didn't notice me spying just as Gail sets lunch in front of each of us. It smells magnificent and I suddenly realize how hungry I really am. I eat everything on my plate without saying a word and look to Christian who just has a smug look on his face.

"What are you so smug for?" I ask

**"I just feel better that you have eaten, and quite a good eater you are."**

"I was hungry, sorry for making such a pig of myself." I am suddenly embarrassed.

**"Never apologize for eating Anastasia it is quite a turn on that you are not afraid to consume such large amounts of food in front of me. I cannot stand it when women eat like rabbits just to prove some damn point." I am pleased that she loves food.**

"Well then you and I will get along fine. My dad is a fabulous cook, growing up he made sure I was well fed. I even enjoy time in the kitchen. It is very therapeutic." I think back to lots of great memories with my dad in the kitchen and smile.

**"I can't say that I know my way around the kitchen. My claim to fame is being able to make boxed macaroni and cheese, but with Gail around I only need to know how to use the microwave. I would be up for a lesson or two Miss Steele. By the smile on your face, I am sure it will be an enjoyable one."**

"Sounds good Mr. Grey, I look forward to making you into a domestic God." I tease him.

This is the first time I have seen him laugh. He looks so young and carefree. His eyes so full of life, this is a sight I could get used too. Just when I think he can't get any more desirable, he surprises me. There are so many sides to this man. I wonder if I will ever see them all.

**"Come to the living room and sit. There are a few things that I would like to discuss with you." I am suddenly nervous. I never get unnerved. I am amazed at the power she yields over me. **

I follow him into the living room. It is quite large. Expansive ceilings and windows show off a breathtaking view of The Pungent Sound. In the corner near the windows sits a grand piano.

"Do you play." I ask inquisitively.

**"Since I was 6, music is much as the kitchen is to you very therapeutic.**

"I would love to hear you play sometime," is there nothing this man cannot do? "Oh yeah, he can't cook!"

**"Soon I promise," I need to discuss the NDA with her before I lose my nerve. I am hoping that her reaction will be good and give me the nerve to divulge other areas of my life that I am hesitant to share.**

**I guide her to the couch and ask her to sit. Here goes nothing…**

**"Anastasia, I am a very powerful man with many enemies."**

I can assume this to be true, he looks so serious. Where is he going with this conversation.

**Just say it Grey, "I am going to have to ask you to sign an NDA."**

I stare at him as if he is from another planet, "NDA?"

**"Non-disclosure agreement, it is required of any persons that may be in a position to have personal information about me." There first hurdle complete.**

"Umm OKAY, are you afraid that I am going to discuss our conversations with people, Christian?" I am a little hurt.

**"It's not that exactly Anastasia, I just can't take any risks at information being leaked to anyone that may be able to use it against me in business or personally." I hope she understands.**

I take a deep breath, I know that I cannot possibly relate to the pressures that he experiences on a daily basis. This is not personal, I keep repeating this in my head. I don't know what I expected, but an NDA was definitely not on the radar.

"I can't even talk to Kate?" she's my best friend and I need someone to confide in.

**"When it comes to me, us, whatever we may discuss or do, no not even Kate." **

"I will sign it, only if you can compromise and at least let me talk to Kate about my personal feelings or struggles. I can promise not to discuss you specifically, only me." I am sure hoping for a compromise.

**"I am afraid I can't compromise on this. The NDA is very specific that no details be divulged to anyone regarding any kind of relationship where I am involved, business or otherwise." I need her to agree to this. I am trying to tame my control issues and not just spit a lot of legal mumbo jumbo at her and then force her to sign, but Flynn's words are ringing in my head and I am going to follow his instructions, for now…**

"I am sorry Christian, but I cannot keep anything from Kate when it comes to my feelings. I have no siblings and we have always confided in each other. As much as I would love to continue, whatever it is that we are doing here (making a pointing motion between the two of us) I just can't agree to those terms. I am more than happy to agree not to discuss any personal or business related details about your life, but you are asking me to keep my life a secret from the person that shares everything with me."

I stand and look toward the door. I am hoping that he will cave and at least give me a little leeway. My heart is pounding. Am I closing the door on something that hasn't even begun yet? Am I going to look back in 5 years and regret that I took such a hard stand on this? I don't think so, I know Kate will always be in my life, as for Christian. I barely know him. I desperately want to know him in all areas, but nevertheless I cannot let my heart get ahead of my common sense.

**Wow she is not budging on this. In any other situation I would not give in to such demands. I do have to respect her loyalty to Miss Kavanaugh it shows her true character. I can tell she is going to head for the door if I don't make a decision soon. Maybe I should let her go. There is no way I can share the playroom with her unless she signs the NDA and without being able to divulge that part of me there really is no way that I can have any kind of relationship with Miss Steele. Her decision is made, I knew it wouldn't work. I am not worthy of more and I will never know how to give more. I must maintain what little control I still feel I have in this situation.**

**"I understand Miss Steele I will have Taylor escort you home," I blurt it out before I lose my nerve. **

**This is for the best. She will never have to see my demons and I will go on with my life as if I never met her. Well, maybe I will hang on to the memory of knowing her. It is for her own good.**

Oh, shit! What have I done? Did I honestly believe that he would give in. He eats business professionals for lunch. You dumbass…now you will never know! I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. I will myself to dry them up.

"I am sorry that we couldn't make this work." My voice is cracking. "Maybe I will see you around. Thanks again for keeping me safe last night and feeding me today." I turn and walk straight to the door. If I look back I will completely lose control over the tears in my eyes.

**She is really walking away. I am not sure what this feeling is that is restricting my chest. Panic, stress, anxiety…I stare at the back of her head as she walks toward the door hoping she will at least let me see her beautiful face one last time. She doesn't and all I can think is, if ever I had a chance for more, I just let is walk out the door and out of my life forever.**


	17. Update Soon

I promise there will be an update today, I appreciate all the reviews and I hope that you are not disappointed at the story line. I wanted to explain my train of thought. I really felt like EL James didn't let Ana be herself until later in the series. I want Ana to have backbone from the beginning. Her mom was married four times and she has saved herself through college. It is obvious to me that she is secure in herself in this area. She may be insecure with her looks and not thinking that she is attractive enough for CG, but I do believe Ana knows who she is and what she wants out of relationship. She may not understand exactly what that looks like, but she definitely knows that she will not be a push over like her mom. Likewise, I think CG being a powerful would is more impressed with such an innocent girl standing up to him. He obviously wouldn't accept Kate's way of telling it like it is, but Ana is supposed to be his equal and he would expect her not to cave. It is all part of the challenge of him accepting his feelings despite his frustrations. Please keep reading, I have lots of plans. Also remember I have an emphasis on fate...to me fate is something that pulls people together even when they are constantly fighting against it. Thanks again for the input and expect an update soon!


	18. Chapter 17

Thanks for the reviews. Again, I am sorry if it is hard to follow. I am not a writer so bare with me.

I own nothing...

Chapter 17

Taylor pulls up to the apartment a little after 3 pm. I silently wept in the back seat the entire way home. I was a hoping he didn't notice my little breakdown, but I am sure it was hard to miss. I am not exactly sure why I am so upset. It isn't like I even know Christian. We have shared a few intimate moments sure, but without an NDA he won't even let me near the real him. I am sure he has been burned many times, but if he knew me then he would know I am not the gossipy type. I am loyal to a fault and I would never dream of sharing someone else's secrets with anyone, not even Kate. I realize that I am grieving the, what might have been, the unknown, the idea of something more.

I am relieved to see just Kate curled up on the couch napping. Thankfully, Elliot is gone. I may have had a major breakdown if I had to witness another make out session between the two of them. They seem so carefree together, at ease. The complete opposite of Christian and I; I know for sure I did the right thing. I may not know much about relationships (okay nothing actually) but it doesn't seem like it should be so hard to just get to know someone . It isn't like I am expecting a ring and a pre-nup tomorrow. He so frustrating! I have to get this out of my mind. It is done and that is that!

I have an interview tomorrow with Williams Publishing. I am hoping that the editor there is less creepy than Mr. Hyde. From what I have researched about the company it seems like a place I could be happy at. Family owned for 4 generations. They pride themselves on finding up and coming authors and have a relaxed dress code. I have decided that I still should go dressed professionally just to get the feel of what they consider casual. I'll have to ask Kate if I can borrow something, but I know she won't mind. I decide to let Kate sleep for a while so I go to my room, lie on the bed and get lost in a book. I can live vicariously through these characters for a while to keep Mr. Grey out of my head.

**Christian's POV**

**I am beyond livid at myself. First, I let her get in my head. How, I am still trying to figure it out. Then I listened to Flynn about letting my feelings rule. Bullshit, I know better than that. Feelings make you weak and I am the furthest thing from weak. I will have to meet with Flynn again and let him know that his little plan failed so I guess I was right all along. Now I have no sub to help with all these frustrations. I definitely don't regret severing the contract with Charlotte – obviously we were on 2 different pages. I will have to look at finding a replacement and soon. In the meantime I need to see Bastille. **

**"Taylor, please have Bastille meet me downstairs at precisely 5 pm."**

**I need to keep myself occupied for the next 2 hours. I decide to take a shower to clear my head. While standing under the stream of water it hits me…I am most furious with myself because I just let her walk out. I practically pushed her out the door. My head is telling me that I did the right thing, she would have left eventually and with far more damaging information about my fucked up self. My feelings are telling me, she was my chance to finally have some feeling of normal. Fuck feelings, they got me in this mess in the first place. I get out of the shower, dress and head to my office to work.**

Ana

When Kate wakes she doesn't ask any questions and I don't volunteer any answers. I want to tell her what happened, but I am too emotionally spent to dig into it right now. Instead I keep her distracted by asking tons of questions about Elliot. She is more than happy to brag. She is on cloud nine and I am thrilled for her. I really hope this lasts. She deserves a happy ending. We grab take out for dinner and spend the evening watching The Notebook, Kate's favorite. I have to admit that I didn't mind it, it gave me a chance to cry and not have to answer any questions. After the movie I went to bed. Unfortunately, my dreams weren't very kind. I am endlessly falling and reaching toward the light. Suddenly Christian appears with anger in his eyes. He is holding the NDA in his hands and demanding that I sign it. He is lecturing me about how I don't understand the ramifications of going against his wishes. I have never seen such distain in his face, it scares me. I say I can't and in that instant he drops me and I spiral down into blackness. I wake up as I hit the floor with a hard thud. It takes me a few minutes to get my wits about me and I rush to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. Since I only have a few hours before I have to start getting ready for my interview I decide against going back to sleep and facing the nightmare again and get lost in a book.

**Christian**

**After my session with Bastille I feel worn out. I can't decide if I it is physically or emotionally. I warm up the dinner that Gail left for me in the fridge. As I sit to eat I am torn, should I call Flynn and see if he has some advice about the events today or do I call Elena and try to set up another sub. As much as I would be more comfortable calling Elena and falling back into my old habits I cannot keep my feelings at bay. Until I can get a handle on these foreign invaders I need to stick with Flynn. If Elena thinks I am vulnerable in any way she will give me all kinds of hell. I pick up the phone, knowing that I am slammed tomorrow with meetings and won't be able to have a face to face with Flynn. He did say call anytime.**

"Hello Christian, I was hoping you would call," he sounds amused.

**I am sure he was prepared for my failure with Miss Steele, but if I know Flynn he is happy that I am calling him instead of Elena," He has never really liked her but keeps his personal feelings to himself. He has been trying to help me see her as more of a threat than the friend I see her as. I don't agree one bit. Elena saved me from self-destruction and I will always be indebted to her.**

**"Today was a complete waste of time and energy, Flynn. I don't know why in the world you would think I would be able to develop any kind of personal relationship with a woman." I am beyond frustrated.**

"Why don't you tell me about it. What exactly makes you think it was such a failure?" He takes his shrink role and seems to be enjoying himself.

**"I am glad you are amused Flynn, because I feel as if I may lose my mind." I am losing my patience but continue…**

**I spill every last detail of the day. I explain the strange feelings that Anastasia produces in me and when I am done I feel better at saying it all aloud, but the fact is she is still gone and I am here dealing with the aftermath with no coping skills.**

"That doesn't sound like a failure, Christian. It sounds to me like Miss Steele has feelings for you and wants you to prove that she is worth fighting for." He is to the point. "I know that this is completely foreign to you, because you have created a life were everyone caters to your every need. When you say jump they immediately ask how high. I hate to disappoint you but this is how the rest of the world works. A life worth having is worth fighting for and as much as you would like to control every aspect you simply cannot. Elena has done you a major disservice by making you believe otherwise. Sure you may have money, sexual pleasure and people willing to say whatever you want, but I can promise you that sooner or later it gets old and you will get bored. I think Miss Steele is the perfect challenge at this point in your life. Think about it, why all of a sudden are you allowing yourself to feel things that you have never felt before? You want MORE!"

**I listen to his monolog intently. Flynn has never steered me wrong. I must think seriously about what he is saying. It goes against everything I have ever believed to be true, but I have to admit I have starting seeing the world from a different perspective with his guidance. In no way do I think I am ready for more as he just stated, but I will say I am ready for a new challenge. He is speaking my language and my ears perk up, my heart races at the thought of a challenge. I live for challenges and failure is not an option. This conversation is eye opening, I now see Miss Steele in a new light. I don't do compromise well though, but I have to admit she is a tough negotiator, better than many CEO's I've dealt with. This could be interesting.**

**"Thanks Flynn for the talk, I think I have a better understanding of what you are saying," I have gone from lost to excitement.**

"Christian, make sure you call me or see me regularly. I am happy that Miss Steele is bringing out areas of you that I have not been able to, but you still do not have coping skills to deal with the things that this situation my cause to arise." He warns.

**"I've got to go, thanks again, I will see you soon." I hang up and suddenly am full of energy.**

**I really want to drive over to Anastasia's apartment and rehash our NDA discussion, but I know I need to think this through before I act. I decide to do more work and then crash. Dreams follow and I am confused. It isn't exactly a nightmare, because Anastasia is in them smiling, laughing, happy. Popping up in the background are the demons that haunt me. She keeps her eyes on me and I am the only one that sees the horrors playing out behind her. I am doing my best to keep her focused on me, willing her not to look back. I can tell she can see the fear in my eyes and she starts to look back. No! No! No! I scream trying to reach out to her but as she turns…the alarm goes off and I wake up drenched in sweat. I go straight to the shower. I am dreading the collision of these two opposite forces. Anastasia is pure light drawing me out of the darkness, but the darkness is strong and it is pulling me back. I cannot let her be consumed with my darkness. I push it out of my mind and concentrate on Flynn's advice. I am definitely up for a new challenge!**


	19. Chapter 18

I know this is short, but I wanted to get it posted before I got too busy. Enjoy!

Chapter 18

I walk the 5 blocks from my apartment to Williams Publishing. Score 1 point for Williams, it's close to home. Not to mention that it is nowhere near walking distance to GEH so I won't have to worry about running into Mr. Grey, score an extra 5 points for WP. On the way I decide to call Jose. I have put it off too long. I wasn't trying to avoid him I was kind of preoccupied with other events yesterday. I put yesterday out of my mind as the phone is ringing.

"Hey Anna," He sound weary.

"Hey Jose, I just wanted to apologize for the other night. I had way too much to drink and I am so sorry for giving you the wrong impression." I had to get it out before I lost my nerve.

"Really Ana it was my fault, I should have never been so forward with you. The alcohol was definitely affecting me too." It was a half-truth and he knew it. He had always been in love with Ana. She was the most amazing girl he had ever known, but she never crossed the line and was always clear about her feelings about him. He hated himself for causing such awkwardness between the two of them. He had decided long ago that he would take a relationship with Anastasia Steele however she was willing to give it. He couldn't imagine his life without her in it and if that meant he was just a friend then that was good enough for him.

The silence on the line was making me uneasy. "I have an interview today, but I am free for the rest of the week. Let's have dinner one night." I hope he accepts and we can get back to being the great friends we have always been. I love Jose, but he is my brother. I would scratch out the eyes of any woman that ever hurt him, but I could never imagine it would be me. We have to make this right.

"I wish I could Ana, but I am getting ready for a big photography show in a couple of weeks here in Portland and there is no way I could possibly drive back up to Seattle right now." Soon though, I promise.

"Well then, I will just come to you. I have girl plans with Kate on Saturday, but after this interview I am free until then. I need to visit my dad soon so I will just make a road trip and come to Portland for dinner. I'll see you tonight!" I know if we don't get this over with there will always be a whole in our friendship and I cannot accept that. Anyway, I have always enjoyed road trips to clear my head so this will be like therapy after all the crap that has happened in the last 48 hours.

"Great, I will see you tonight, drive careful." He hangs up sounding cheerful

I am suddenly feeling like this day may just turn around. Williams Publishing is in a historic building near the Pikes Place market. I absolutely love this part of Seattle. It can get crowded with tourist, but being the avid people watcher it is a place that I feel comfortable. I fall in love with the surroundings right when I open the door. It is warm and inviting. Large, slouchy furniture, books everywhere. There is no formality to this place (Score 1 for WP). It is racking up the points and I just hope that I get along with the owner. She greets me wearing jeans and tennis shoes, her hair pulled in a messy bun with a pencil stick through to keep it from falling. I am silently doing a dance in my head, their casual and mine seem to be the same. YES!

"You must be Anastasia?," she speaks with a warm tone

"Yes, but please call me Ana," I really want her to feel comfortable calling me Ana.

"Nice to meet you Ana, I am Margaret Williams, but please call me Maggie. I hate formality!" she is adamant.

Another point for WP, I continue thinking as SIP and creepy Jack Hyde seem to be a distant memory.

"Ana, my husband Mark and I like to conduct our interviews together, if you don't mind?"

"Not at all," I love that they work so closely together. It is endearing.

"He is stuck on a phone call right now, but please come into my office , I would like to get to know you a little better." She holds the door guiding me to the loveseat that sits across from her desk.

Her office is filled with books and family pictures. I can see that they have 2 young children. One school age and the other seems to be maybe 3? She notices that I am looking at the family photograph.

"We have 2 children, Scout our son is 6 and Sawyer our daughter is 3. They are here from time to time. We do not like being separated from our children on nights that we need to work late so I like them to be dropped off after school so we can spend as much time with them as possible. It is the way my husband grew up and we want to continue the tradition, hoping to instill a love of books and our company in them." She glows as she speaks of her family.

"Tell me a little about you Ana? Any siblings, where did you grow up? Are you enjoying Seattle after living in Portland?" she questions

I explain that I am an only child that has lived many places, since my mom moved a lot. I didn't tell her it was because she has been married what feels like a million times. I continue telling her that I moved back to Oregon in middle school to live with my dad and grew up in a small community right outside of Portland. I decided to stay close to home for college opting to be closer to my dad. Then I tell her about Kate and our apartment 5 blocks away and that I am enjoying Seattle and I am grateful that the drive home isn't too far.

After our small talk Mark joins us and they conduct the interview together as she explained. Their ease with one another made me slightly envious. They were obviously best friends and enjoyed working together. I think back to yesterday, I may not have relationship experience, but what happened yesterday was very different from what I was experiencing right now. This was what love looked like, respect, admiration and pure enjoyment in being together. I was thankful that I got to witness them together, it solidified that I made the right decision.

I left after the interview feeling a new sense of self. There was no doubt that I hoped for Williams to make me an offer. SIP was a publishing giant, I knew that, but I had to go with my gut. My gut was telling me that Williams was a better fit. Maggie reassured me when I left that I would know something by Monday. It was Thursday so this was definitely the time for a road trip. I lingered in the market on my way home, opting to buy some fresh fruit. I enjoyed being surrounded by all of the people on vacation, running errands, just living and enjoying life. It was a rare sunny and warm day in Seattle and the entire city seemed to be glowing. I had a new perspective and decided it was time to live life for me.


	20. Chapter 19

Please continue to keep in mind this is the first story I have ever attempted in writing. I am sure I will do things that will drive some of you insane. I am officially apologizing now and I hope you will continue to read.

I own nothing...

Chapter 19

**After being MIA for 2 days from GEH, I know I need to be at the office today. My real desire is to get all of this straightened out with Anastasia, but after talking to Ro this morning I know she needs me to be present for the meetings today. I am going to be in and out of these meetings all day so I need to find some time to plan. I am going to need a plan if I am determined to win back Miss Steele (not that I ever really had her, but Flynn did mention that he thought she had feelings for me) this is a challenge I need to be prepared for. The day cannot pass quickly enough. I decide that I need to take a completely different approach with Anastasia. Since I don't have her cell number I decide that it's time to break out the big guns. **

**"Welch, Grey here, I need you to get a cell phone number for me." **

"Would you like me to put a trace on it and pull any outgoing and incoming calls too, sir?" I remember why I hired him. He is a freaking genius at his job.

**"No Welch that won't be necessary I just need a contact number for Anastasia Steele and I give him her address." I can't deny that I wanted badly to have him track and trace all of her calls, but I decide against it. Knowing myself, I will get pissed off that she is somewhere she shouldn't be and I will just scare her off again with my controlling, stalking personality. I am not saying I won't utilize that side of me, but I will have to be stealth about it, not letting her know what I am doing. About 4 pm Welch has the information ready. I take the number down and quickly program it into my phone. It's time to implement the first step of my plan. I am uncharacteristically nervous as the phone rings.**

After packing my bags quickly and letting Kate know about my plans I hit the road. I leave the windows down even on the freeway. It is a beautiful day and I just want to feel the wind in my face. This is exactly the therapy I need today. About half way to Portland I decide to stop to fill up and relieve myself. While pulling into the station I notice my phone buzzing in the seat next to me. I glance over realizing it is a Seattle prefix and I wonder if Maggie and Mark had already made a decision. I am hoping for good news I really want to work with them. I pick up the phone with a cheerful voice and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. Christian's voice is on the other end.

**"Hello Anastasia, you sound like you are having a good day," I say thinking maybe she is relieved that I let her walk out yesterday.**

"How did you get this number?" I say coldly. I know I never gave it to him and Kate would never betray me this way especially since I told her all about what happened with him when I spoke with her on the phone this morning.

**"It's good to hear your voice Miss Steele," I need to disarm her.**

"Answer the question Christian. How did you get my number," I need an answer.

**"I am a very powerful man Miss Steele, you can't possibly think I don't have connections that could get me your cell number?" I need her to know that I could know exactly where she is and what she is doing at all times, not to scare her but make her realize that I used restraint in getting the number alone. **

Is he stalking me now? I have to figure out what he wants. I understand that he could probably have people following me or tracking my movements with my cell phone, so why not just do that, why call me?

"Why are you calling?" I need to keep control of this conversation.

**"I wanted to know if you had plans tonight?" I get straight to the point. I don't want to play games I need to see her.**

"I'm sorry, but I do." I am not going to give him any more information, does he think I am just sitting at home pining over him?

**"Well I need you to break them because I am picking you up at 7 pm." She is not going to get rid of me that easily.**

Oh so now I am just supposed to drop my plans for him. That may have been a possibility if he hadn't let me walk out the door yesterday unwilling to compromise. Today is a new day and I have a commitment to Jose this evening and I won't break it, besides I am already half way to Portland.

"That isn't going to be possible Christian, I have to go now maybe we can try another night." I don't need his stalking tendencies to get any more aggressive so I give him a glimmer of hope for the next few days. I don't intend on seeing him, but this will buy me a couple of days. Note to self: Get a different phone, preferably one that can't be tracked. If thinks he can just sit up in his tower in the sky and know exactly where I am and who I am with he has another thing coming. Either he wants me or he doesn't I refuse to play these games. In fact, I bet the gas station sells prepaid phones.

"Goodbye Christian." I hang up and immediately turn off my phone. I am thankful that my favorite show is Law and Order it will prove invaluable in avoiding Mr. "creepy stalking" Grey. I can't deny that part of me is flattered that he actually called me. If the last 3 days had never happened then I would probably be reacting a lot different, but they did. If he wants to prove some kind of point then he will have to work a little harder. Plus I don't want him randomly showing up tonight during my dinner with Jose. I need to repair that relationship and the drama that comes with knowing Christian will not help me mend that fence. I am also looking forward to seeing my dad. I really need an evening just relaxing with him to remind me who I am.

**Did she hang up on me? She is not going to make this easy on me is she. Good thing I have unlimited resources. **

**I immediately call Welch, "Track the phone and dump the calls. I need to know who she has talked to in the last 24 hours."**

**I wait for Welch to get me the information I have requested. **

**"Sorry sir the phone is apparently turned off so I can't track her location, but I am sending over the call history now." I wish I could do more.**

**"Thanks, Welch that will be all." Good thing I never back down from a challenge. **

**She won't win this easily. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with me I am going to make her say it. I don't give up that easily Miss Steele, I am feeling energized and alive. Flynn may be right, this is just the challenge I need.**

When I get back in the car I have a bottle of water and a prepaid cell. I call Jose and tell him my other one is acting up, if he needs me he will have to call on this number. I make an identical call to my dad. Last I call Kate, after hearing the determination in Christian's voice I don't think he will give up easily. Not that I really mind him chasing me it is kind of exciting, but I need a couple of days to clear my head.

"Hey Kate, I need a favor," I need her on my side.

"Sure Ana just ask!"

"Don't freak out, but if Christian calls you or comes by please cover for me. Tell him you have no idea where I am tonight that I just said I was going out. He is determined to see me tonight and I really need this time to clear the air with Jose and I want to spend some uninterrupted time with my dad." I say pleading.

"Why don't you just tell him that." She is curious

"Well since I never gave him my cell phone and he still managed to track my number and call me demanding I be ready at 7 pm tonight and letting me know in no uncertain terms that he could find me if he wanted to, due to his means, I don't think he is going to accept any explanation I give him."

"Oh, okay I can cover for you. What number are you calling me from?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but I turned my phone off so he couldn't track me and bought a prepaid."

"It does sound a little crazy, but I am sure that when Mr. Grey wants something he finds a way to get it. Looks like I'm rubbing off on you Ana, good girl make him work for you." She is laughing.

"Thanks Kate, I owe you one! I'll be home tomorrow night late so we can have our girl's day on Saturday! Love you and see you tomorrow."

"Love you Ana, see you tomorrow," she hangs up.

**Once the call history arrives I search it for clues. She has talked to only a handful of people today. **

**1. William's Publishing – must be a job interview**

**2. Ray Steele – obviously her dad**

**3. Jose – guy from the club – she says is just a friend, could she be just repairing this friendship or is this who her plans are with tonight? I need to dig deeper here.**

**4. Kate – This will be my first phone call.**

**I dial Kate, if she questions how I got her number I'll just throw Elliot under the bus.**

**She Answers.**

**"Hi Miss Kavanaugh, this is Christian Grey, I hope I am not catching you at a bad time." I need information so I need to be as polite as possible.**

"Not at all, Elliot isn't here right now, could I take a message for him?" she is icky sweet.

**"I'm not calling about Elliot, I need some help with something I am planning for Anastasia." I hope she will take the bait.**

"Well I will help if I can, Mr. Grey." Thankfully Ana called or I might have fallen into his trap. She was right he is good at this.

**"I would like to surprise her with a romantic dinner and I am having a hard time locating her." I actually tell the truth.**

"That sounds really nice and I know she would love it, but I really have no idea where she is. I have tried calling her but her phone must of died. She is the worst at keeping it charged. All she told me this morning was she had plans tonight and she would call me later with details. In the mean-time her phone must have died and I haven't been able to reach her. I really am sorry I couldn't be more helpful. If you want I could tell her to call when she gets in." I'm better Grey.

**"No, that won't be necessary, thank you," I hang up.**

**Either she is telling the truth or she is covering. If she is covering she is damn good at it. No wonder Anastasia is so challenging, she apparently learned everything she knows from Miss Kavanaugh. Should I accept defeat tonight or do I keep pushing? I decide to call Flynn.**

**"Hey John can you meet me at your office in 30 min?" I need a voice of reason. I never back away from a challenge, but I didn't expect Miss Steele to be so good at anticipating my moves.**

"Sure Christian, I will see you then," he hangs up.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"How's the new challenge coming along," Flynn smirks.

**"I am here aren't I," a say sarcastically?**

"Well lets discuss why exactly you are here then," and the shrink has arrived.

**I admit that I had Welch pull her number since she hadn't given it to me.**

"I expected nothing less from you Christian, please go on."

**Then I go into the details of my conversation with Anastasia and how she eventually hung up on me and turned off her phone so Welch couldn't track it.**

"I assume you had him pull the call history," he says knowingly.

**This man definitely know my M.O. This is the first time I have ever used my wealth and connections to track a woman, but he has a good understanding of how I do business, which is how I live. I am who I am.**

**"Yes I did," a little embarrassed that I am so predictable.**

"Did you get the information that you were looking for?"

**I explain my conversation with Miss Kavanaugh and divulge that I have the urge to track Jose since I have a feeling that is who she is with tonight.**

"Yet you chose to see me instead," he seems confused?

**"I don't want to scare her away and I am afraid if I track her and interrupt something with Jose that is exactly what I will do. She told me the night at the club that they were just friends and I want to believe that, but my blood boils just thinking of him having his hands on her." And the feelings are getting the better of me again.**

"I think that you need to try and trust Miss Steele. You don't know her well, but you have yet to catch her in a lie so you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. As far as tracking her down, I think she is making it obvious that she doesn't want to be tracked down. My professional opinion is to back off and give her a couple of days to think about everything that has transpired over between the two of you over the last few days. I wish I had all of the answers, but this is how "normal" lives are lived, without absolute control. I can promise you that if you go all Christian Grey on her right now after she has made it pretty clear she needs space then you may just lose her forever. Give her space. If and when you have a chance to let he get to know you – the real you better I am sure she will not run or push away as readily. She has no understanding of why you are so controlling. Give it time."

**I know he is right, but this is not who I am. How do I just stop, let it go and hope I get what I want. This challenge is proving too difficult. I understand pursuit, winning, conquering. The idea of letting go and backing off to achieve the prize is very unfamiliar.** **I just nod trying to accept what he is saying. I will do it his way for a couple of days, but if I don't see results it will be full-force Christian "fucking" Grey. As I get to the car where Taylor is parked my phone rings. I glance down hoping it is Anastasia, but no such luck. I answer…**

**"Hello Elena, what do you need?"**

"Don't sound so chipper Christian, I was hoping to have a meal with you soon."

**"I can't tonight and I am covered up tomorrow at GEH, maybe Saturday for lunch."**

"Sounds great, I look forward to seeing you Saturday. Hey my car is in the shop, could you come by the salon and pick me up."

**"Sure, see you then," I hang up as she is still talking.**

**I am not in the mood for Elena tonight. She would definitely not agree with Flynn in this situation. In fact, she would think I had lost my mind in even wanted to pursue Anastasia. Elena believes in absolute control in all things. Before I met Anastasia I did too.**

* * *

Jose is waiting for me at the restaurant when I arrive. He stands and greets me with a smile and a warm hug. I am sure hoping this goes well. I hate that we ended things in Seattle on such a sour note. After drinks and small talk we both apologize again. I finally make him a promise, not to bring it up again. All is forgiven and he agrees. We settle into our normal realm of conversation. We reminisce about college, talk about our hopes for the future and discuss current events. I am so glad that we are back to normal. I let him know that I have plans to stay with my dad tonight and spend the day fishing tomorrow. Since his dad and my dad are fishing buddies I know he won't mind if Jose tags along. We firm up plans to meet at the lake in the morning and with that I leave him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I drive over to the home I grew up in. It feels so familiar, good, like home. I have missed my dad since I saw him at graduation. We didn't really have a chance to have any alone time so I am looking forward to these few hours with him.

"Hey dad, it is so good to see you," I give him a big bear hug.

"You too sweetheart, how was the drive," he asks affectionately.

"Good, I just had dinner with Jose and I hope you don't mind, but I invited him to come fishing tomorrow with us," I know he won't but I ask anyway.

"That' s great I had already asked his dad to join us to it will be a full boat," he seems excited. "I haven't seen Jose in ages it will be good to catch up with him. You look tired Ana, is everything okay?"

My dad knows me better than anyone. So I know I can't lie, but I decide to be vague.

"It's just been a long week. I had 2 interviews this week and Kate kept me out way too late on Tuesday night." All true.

He drops it and decides to drill me about the interviews. We are in agreement, Williams Publishing is the best fit for me. I am sure hoping for a positive phone call on Monday. After a few hours of catching up I decide that I am exhausted and since we have an early morning I go to bed. Being alone proves difficult. My mind runs over all of my interactions with Christian. I try to psychoanalyze every look, word or action made by him. By the end I am utterly confused. He has to be the most confusing, sexy, frustrating, mind blowing, arrogant man I have ever met. As much as I hate to admit it, I miss his eyes on me and his hands around my waist. I drift off to pleasant dreams of Christian. The Christian that I desire, the one without the mood swings, the one that held me in my room on Wednesday.

The next morning I wake well rested. We are up before the sun and on the road. I love watching the sun rise on the lake. This brings back so many great memories. I am always so perplexed at why my mom and dad's marriage didn't work. He is such a good man, loving and hard working. I was very young when they divorced so I am sure there were dynamics that I don't understand, but knowing the husbands that followed just confuses me more. The day is spent fishing and laughing. It is good to be carefree with no thoughts of the drama that has seemed to follow me over the last few days. I need to do this more. When I leave I promise to be back soon and assure Jose that I won't miss his gallery opening in a few weeks. As I hit the road I turn my phone back on. If Christian wants to find me so be it. I had my time and I am ready for whatever that man wants to throw my way. I am surprised to find no messages. My mind gets the best of me, maybe in my independence he decided I was too much too handle. What if he, again, wants nothing to do with me; can I accept this. I guess I have too. I will hope for more, but expect nothing. Before I know it the Seattle skyline is directly in front of me. I can't wait to see Kate and to have our girl's day tomorrow. I have a lot to talk about. Right now I am road weary and only want a long shower and my bed. It feels good to be back.


	22. Chapter 21

I own nothing...

Chapter 21

**Friday goes by at a snails pace, I pick up the phone a million times to call Anastasia just to hear Flynn's words echoing in my head. Each time I put the phone down and continue working. With all the frustrations of this new challenge I have decided to conduct a hostile take-over of a large shipping company in Boston. This is the perfect distraction. I can focus my control issues on this acquisition. I continue my work at home late into the night. Apparently I fell asleep on my desk. Luckily, it was dreamless sleep. I wake up as the sun comes through the windows. I have a few hours to pull myself together and pick up Elena for lunch. I want her to know nothing of Anastasia, she would not understand what I see in her. I will share with Elena eventually, but not until I know what is actually going on between Anastasia and myself. I will have to give a great sales job this afternoon.**

**I pull up to the salon just before noon and notice a white A3 parked directly in front of me. What is Charlotte doing here? I know her and Elena know each other, many who practice the BDSM lifestyle run in the same circles and Elena has recommended many of my past subs. I want to think that she is just here to get her hair done, our contract stated that she use Elena's salon to keep herself up to my grooming standards. I must retain my composure. It was Charlotte who broke the terms of our agreement. It is not important that the split was inevitable. I have always had monogamous relations with my subs and after all the interactions and thoughts I have had about being with Anastasia I know it was only a matter of time until I severed the contract myself.**

"Ana, wake up we need to get ready…today is our girl's day," Kate is so excited

"Give me 30 minutes and then we can grab some breakfast before heading to our destination," I am just as excited.

I shower, get dressed and we head out. I have been looking forward to this day since before graduation. I always look forward to pampering and bonding with my favorite friend. We pull into our destination a little after 9 am.

"This looks like a really nice place," I say eyes wide.

"I hear it is the best in Seattle. Nothing but the best for more dearest friend, a deal is a deal," Kate teases me.

We are whisked to the back of the building and set up for our day of luxury. Over the next 3 hours I relish my time with Kate, laughing and just enjoying our time together. It's been too long since we have relaxed like this. After last week's events I have a greater appreciation of our experience. Around noon we are done with our pampering, but Kate has made reservations at a nearby restaurant to continue our day. She really does think of everything. I excuse myself to the restroom as Kate settles up our bill. As I make my way to the restroom I hear a familiar voice and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. He is not upset per say, but his voice is cold, unemotional and unrelenting. I glance in the hallway without being seen and my knees go weak. Christian is looking down at Charlotte speaking to her as if he owns her. I can't tell what he is saying, but she is looking at the floor just nodding her head. What is going on? This is like no business relationship I have ever known. A striking older woman with blonde hair comes around the corner. She puts her hands on Christian's arm rubbing it with familiarity. What the fuck is happening? Christian dismisses Charlotte, who walks directly back to the chair where a stylist is waiting. She has snapped out of whatever trance she was in with Christian now is unmistakably the confident woman that I ran into right outside Escala on Tuesday. I turn my focus back to Christian and the blonde. Is this his mother? She is definitely not looking at him like any mother I know. Are they lovers? She is looking at him as if she knows him intimately. I feel like a voyer seeing something that was not meant for my eyes. Just then my phone buzzes, I close the door to the restroom and notice a text from Kate.

WTH WHERE ARE YOU? DID YOU FALL IN LOL!

I fire back: I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

Kate: OK I'M IN THE CAR.

Holy shit! How am I going to get out of here without them seeing me. I am in no mood for a confrontation with Mr. Grey today. Just when I was totally relaxed, the stress and drama strike with a vengeance. The blonde grabs her purse and loops her arm in Christian's they start to make their way to the door. As they pause while Christian says something to Charlotte I decide to take my opportunity to walk out, hopefully unnoticed. I hold my head high looking directly at the door. I want to sprint, but I know it will only bring unwanted attention. I make it to the door, I am home free, then I hear my name escape his lips.

**"ANASTASIA?" He sounds desperate.**

I look back briefly, I want him to see the question in my eyes and secretly I want to see if there is anything in his that will give me some clue as to what just happened. His eyes are pained, searching mine. I can't do this here, I have to get away from this entire situation. I desperately want to know, but not in front of the two women who know this man far better than I ever will. I turn and get in the car. I just tell Kate to drive and don't stop. I want to get as far away as possible. She sees that I need a moment and does what I ask. We drive out of downtown to a suburb and decide to eat at the first place we see. Over burgers and shakes, I explain what happened. I leave out the way he spoke to Charlotte. Somehow I feel like that is something he would not want me to share. Loyal to a fault, that is me.

"I'm sorry I messed up our plans, Kate."

"Actually, Ana Christian Grey messed up our plans not you! Plus I still had a great time. There is no one I would rather spend a lunch date at the greasiest spoon in Seattle with…" She is trying to cheer me up.

We head home and I opt for pajamas and a movie for the rest of our day together. I love Kate! She always knows how to lift my spirits.

**I can't believe my eyes, they must be deceiving me. If I didn't know better I would say that was Anastasia walking toward the door. I look harder, it is her. I want to grab her and hold her to me, I have missed her eyes, her smile, her smart mouth over the last 2 days. **

**"Anastasia?" I say desperately.**

**She turns to look at me, there is question in her eyes. She glances at Charlotte and Elena trying to figure out what is going on. This looks bad, hell this is bad. How do I possibly explain any of it. I panic thinking she may have overheard my conversation with Charlotte or is noticing how comfortable Elena and I are together. I look at Elena, pull my arm away…**

**"I'm sorry I can't do lunch today, I will call you later."**

**As I turn back hoping to catch Anastasia, she is gone. I run to my car, I am thankful I drove myself today, as I see Miss Kavanaugh's car at the light 1 block up. I try to pull out quickly to catch her. I am pinned in by a line of traffic. Fuck! She is gone. I have to see her, see what she knows and do my best to explain. Think Grey, Think!**


	23. Chapter 22

**I own nothing...**

**Chapter 22**

**Finally, traffic breaks and I pull out. Miss Kavanaugh's car is long gone. I can't imagine what Anastasia must think of me. Did she overhear my one-sided conversation with Charlotte. I have to recall exactly what was said in order to play damage control. There is nothing between Charlotte and I. I have done nothing, but think of Anastasia since the night she spent with me at Escala. How do I make her believe that there is only her. My chest is constricted, I am able to remember everything that I said to my former sub.**

**It wasn't as if what I said was bad, but it would definitely be hard for Anastasia to understand especially since I went full out Dom to make a point.**

**"You will not step foot in this salon again Charlotte," I stare at her, forcing her into the submissive role she is accustomed to with me.**

**"You broke our contract, you will not contact me or Elena from this point on." She looks at the ground nodding.**

**"You will finish up your hair appointment and then you will leave and never look back," She knows I am serious and she also knows not to make eye contact when I take this stance. "Now Go!" I dismiss her and I am hoping to finally be rid of that little problem. She should know that I will not tolerate any more of this behavior from her or there will be dire consequences.**

**As she is walking away, Elena comes toward me touching my arm trying to bring me out of my trance. I instantly shake off the persona as she speaks.**

"I hope you have gotten that little issue under control now Christian. She called me after your little blow up on Tuesday. She was upset and all I could get out of her was that she screwed up and she was no longer your sub," she is pushing me for information.

**"I will tell you about it at lunch, but rest assured that I am in complete control when it comes to Charlotte," I say adamantly, but thinking that I am the complete opposite with Anastasia. I can't tell her about Anastasia, she would eat her for lunch and until I know exactly what is happening between us she will have to stay in the dark. Again, I do not recognize what I am becoming. I have never kept anything from Elena since she saved me from myself when I was 15. **

**Snapping back to the present I know I need to get to Anastasia as soon as possible. I drive by her apartment hoping that she went home so I can repair any damage that may have been done. Miss Kavanaugh's car is not here. I decide to take a drive, maybe I will stumble upon them. After driving over an hour, my head spinning with scenarios, none of which have a positive outcome, I find myself back at her apartment. They are now home and I am suddenly nervous to see her, but I push through the thoughts and make my way to the door.**

I drifted off the sleep during the movie and Kate covered me up and just let me rest. When I open my eyes I notice a text on my phone. It is from Kate.

HEY ELLIOT CALLED AND WANTED TO SEE ME. I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T MIND SINCE YOU WERE ASLEEP, CUL8TR (:

As I get up to make myself some tea there is a knock at the door. Who could that be? I slowly walk to the door trying to smooth my hair back into a ponytail, I can only imagine what I must look like. Opening the door I stumble back my stomach immediately in my throat.

**"Can I come in," I can tell I am the last person she wants to see.**

"Why are you here Christian," I feel a gambit of emotions, anger, fear, sorrow, hope, desire, I hate him and yet am pulled to him all in the same breath.

**"Anastasia, please let me in, I need to talk to you," I don't know what I might do if she shuts me out today. After seeing her eyes when she left the salon I need to make her understand to comfort her.**

He has never looked so desperate and my resolve waivers, "Come in." I need to hear what he has to say, but I can't let my guard down. This will prove to be a bigger challenge than I realize. Christian Grey could have me in the palm of his hands with one look.

Don't give in Ana, he is not telling you something, something important. Nothing can ever be built between you without honesty and trust and right now you know you don't trust him.

**"What you saw today…" I am not exactly sure what she saw, yet I can imagine what she must think. "It isn't what you think it is."**

"Enlighten me Christian," What exactly was it then my subconscious wants to scream at him, hit him, kick him out and never let him make me feel like this again. I push it down, I need to know the truth, it may hurt, but I need to know what I am dealing with.

**"I don't know exactly where to start, ummm, Charlotte and I had a working relationship that has been severed," I have already told her this. I need to find the words.**

"So you have said before," get to the point.

**"I just want you to understand that she means nothing to me," By the look in her eyes I am losing her.**

"What's the point Christian," why does he use terms like working relationship. He is so obtuse I swear. "She was your girlfriend Christian, it won't kill me if you say it."

**"She wasn't my girlfriend Anastasia," how do I make her understand what Charlotte was to me?**

"I really don't have the time or energy for your games Christian, she wasn't your girlfriend, but you make a point to tell me that she means nothing to you," Good god Grey get to the point I am quickly losing my patience.

**"She wasn't my girlfriend, she couldn't be my girlfriend, I don't do girlfriends, she means nothing to me," just say it Christian tell her. "We had a contract Anastasia she was by sub." It feels good to have it off my chest.**

"Sub," What does that even mean?

"Like a substitute, submarine, subordinate, subscription…I ramble off every word I can think of that is associated with the word sub." He looks amused. "This is not funny! What the hell is a sub?"

**"You are so innocent Anastasia, I don't know why I thought you would understand what I am talking about," fear restricts my chest. I was relieved at saying it, but now I will have to describe it too. "A sub is a submissive, a sexual partner that takes a subordinate role during sexual interactions."**

I suddenly feel the room spinning, I have to sit down. This was not where I expected this conversation to go. I have a million questions, but how can I bring myself to ask them. I have to know why he is telling me this. What is he expecting from me?

"How long," is all I can get out.

**"Are you okay, do you need a drink, to sit down, let me help you," She is not taking this well, I reach for her, but she pulls away.**

"Please don't touch me, how long, Christian," I need to know how deep he is into this.

**"I have had a contract with Charlotte for 10 months."**

"I don't give a flying fuck about your individual relationships, contracts whatever it is you call them, how long have you been using subs," I fear that I won't be able to handle this truth.

**"I have been using subs for the last 6 years, I have been in the lifestyle since I was 15," I want her to know the truth, maybe not all of it, but I need her to try to understand why I am who I am.**

There it is, I can't say I didn't ask for it. I feel as if I may suddenly puke. I am not so naive to believe that a man as sexy and powerful as Christian Grey did not have relationships with beautiful women, women I could never hold a candle to physically. This is something entirely different. I don't even know how to process what he is telling me. I have no sexual experience, for Christ's sake I am still a virgin and now I am supposed to have my first experience with someone dominating me, calling out orders and god only knows what else. I don't know if I am cut out for this.

"Excuse me for a minute," I run to the bathroom.

**"Please don't leave," I am losing her, what did I expect her to smile with glee and say oh you are a dom, good thing because I am a sub. I may never get her to look at me again. I am pained just thinking of it.**

"Just give me a minute," I know I need to see this through as painful as it may be, but right now my stomach contents need to be released.

After I lose all of my lunch, I stand, go to the sink , brush my teeth and wash my face. I don't bother looking in the mirror, I am sure I am a HOT MESS! I walk back into the living room to Christian standing in the same spot I left him.

**"Are you okay," I am concerned.**

"I don't know Christian, I am trying to process what you are telling me," Ask all the questions Ana.

"Are you wanting me to be your sub? Do you expect me to sign an NDA and a sexual contract – whatever that is? What is it you want from me," I need answers?

**"I don't know what I want. This is all I know, I fuck and I fuck hard, I don't know how to do vanilla. I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. All I know is that since I met you, I have been filled with emotions that I never thought were possible. You bring out a side of me that I don't recognize. I have a lot of demons, I am fucked up, I am not a man you should even consider being with, yet I can't get you out of my head, you are consuming me. I want to tell you to run and don't look back, but I fear what I may become without your light." It just comes spilling out, I am baring my soul, giving her control. She now has the power to break me. What the hell have I done?**

His confession stuns me. I hang on his every word. This poor man is tortured and practically begging me to save him. I know that at this moment he is the one that is scared. I know women who would use this information to destroy him, control him, break him. That is not who I am. I realize in this moment that this is why I am drawn to this beautifully flawed man. He is frustrating, controlling and arrogant and yet my soul can hear his speaking – yelling to save it. I won't let his demons, no matter how dark they are scare me, I am not sure if I can be what he needs, but I know if I push him away I will regret it always.

I reach out to him to bridge the gap. He looks at me surprised by my reaction. His arms engulf my body holding on for dear life. I squeeze him hard, trying to make him understand that I hear him, I want to know him and I won't hurt him. We stand there in each other's arms in silence.

"I promise I won't run, but I need something from you," I say softly.

**"Ok," At this moment I will do anything she asks. I am unsure what I am feeling right now, but in this moment I suddenly lose the desire for control.**

"I need you to always be honest with me. I don't want secrets. I understand that there are some things that you are not ready to tell me. I can respect that, but I need to know you will try to trust me. I am telling you right now that I will readily give you my trust, I can't promise I won't falter, but you have it. If I find you lying, hiding things that could hurt me I will walk away and not look back. This is something I cannot compromise on. I will sign the NDA and we can discuss any other contracts – no promises though," I am willing to meet him half way.

**"I promise," I sweep her up into my arms and kiss her passionately. I must have her now!**

**I carry her into her room and lay her on the bed. Staring down, I find myself looking at her with awe, it is like I am seeing her for the very first time. The fact that she is willing to give me some control and try to understand my lifestyle is a turn on. I am suddenly hard and anticipating what it will feel like to be inside. **

"Christian, no secrets, right," I know if I expect this from him I will have to confess mine.

**"No secrets, I promise," this is something I can do, for her.**

"I'm a virgin," I blurt it out before I lose my nerve.

**She's a what? I didn't see this coming. What do I do now? Part of me is thrilled that no other man has ever known her in that way. She could literally be MINE, all of her. The other part knows that I might destroy her spirit with all of the darkness in me. I have always been with experienced subs that know what is expected of them. She has no reference points and I am more terrified than ever that I will obliterate her. I wrestle with my thoughts before I speak.**

**"Are you scared," I still want her, but I want her to ask.**

"No, I want you, NOW," I can't deny my body any more. I have to have him.

Before I can finish my sentence his mouth is on mine. He pulls me off the bed to stand in front of him. I have no time to let fear creep into my mind. This is pure ecstasy. In between kisses he slowly undresses me. Normally, I would be embarrassed to be naked in front of him, but his eyes travel up and down my body and I can tell her likes what he sees. At this moment I feel invincible, like the most beautiful woman on the planet. While his eyes are searching mine to make sure I am still ok he undresses. Electricity shoots through my body. Oh my God he is magnificent, with broad shoulders, chiseled chest and abs and a V that points down to his manhood that is standing completely at attention. I gasp at the site of it and I thrust my mouth back onto him. As we kiss he gently lays me on the bed. Hovering over me he kisses my neck and travels down to my breast. Massaging one nipple with his fingers and the other with his mouth I let out a loud groan. I can feel myself getting wetter. I am clenching the covers tightly trying not to lose control. Traveling to my naval he dips his tongue in quickly and continues to travel to me hip bones placing soft kisses on each. Suddenly his fingers are in me and I jerk with surprise.

**"Am I hurting you," he asked concerned.**

"Don't stop," I whisper.

While his fingers move in and out of me his tongue massages my clit. I feel my body tense, building, ready to explode. I can only assume that this is an orgasm…it is unbelievable!

**"Let go Anastasia," He spurs me on.**

I lose the battle and EXPLODE! It is like nothing I have ever felt before and I yell his name thankful for the gift.

**"Good girl," he is proud of himself. "I don't have any condoms with me?" I know I can't take her without protection.**

"I've been on the pill since I was 14 for medical reasons," I know I won't get pregnant but I am concerned after hearing about his lifestyle.

He sees the question in my mind.

**"I am safe Anastasia, I am tested regularly and so are my partners," I see her relax and I know she is ready.**

**"I am going to enter you now, but I promise I won't hurt you. If it hurts promise to tell me and I will stop," I need to be in her and make her mine.**

"I promise ," I need to be closer to him, to have him own me.

He pushes into me easy, only partially, allowing my body to get used to his size. He pulls back searching my face for pain. When all he sees is pleasure he gives himself to me fully. I let out another groan, fully taking him in.

"I'm fine," I see his concern. "More please."

He moves slow at first allowing me to feel all the sensations. I reach up noticing his chest, dotted with scars. I decide to place my hands on his upper arms squeezing to let him know I need him to go faster. He picks up his pace and I feel my body tensing again, building, like before but much more intense. I can tell he feels me tightening and his body follows by tensing. His eyes never leave mine as we exchange a look, we are seeing straight into each others souls. I can't hold on any longer and I fall. He follows spilling into me and collapsing on top of me. That was better than I ever expected.

**"That was a first!"**


	24. Chapter 23

I hope you enjoy! This is truly a fan fiction and you will notice that my story is taking on a life of it's own. I hope you enjoy my character's personality changes.

Chapter 23

We stay wrapped up in each other for a while. There are still so many doubts and questions in my head, but lying here, like this, feels perfect and for now I can push them away.

"Thank you for that," I know it is not the way he probably prefers to be intimate and I am grateful for his patience and care.

**"It was my pleasure Anastasia, I have to admit I enjoyed vanilla sex more than I ever expected. I meant it when I said that was a first for me," it really was thrilling to give her pleasure for the first time. I could get used to worshipping her in this way. I can't deny that I want to show her the pleasure that submitting to me can supply, but I will take her however I can get her. I won't pressure her to give me anything she isn't 100% sure she wants.**

"I am sure it was obvious how much pleasure you gave me, I only hope that you enjoyed yourself too," I don't want him to have any regrets and I hope that I can learn how to please him sexually.

**"Please don't worry, I assure you that I enjoyed it more than you can imagine," for once it was more than just carnal urges driving me. I have never known the feeling of being so completely intimate with a woman. I could feel my soul opening to the idea of have MORE with her, strangely while holding her it doesn't scare me. I push back the darkness that starts to creep in, I hear Flynn's voice telling me to take each moment as it comes and I relax.**

"Are you hungry," I don't want to move from this bed, but since I didn't actually digest many calories from lunch I am now starving. "As much as I want you to hold me like this forever, I am so hungry."

**"Well then let's get you fed. First a shower, then food," He leads me to the bathroom.**

I start the shower and hop in, he follows behind me. This has always been one of my fantasy's to have an irresistible man wash my hair and my body. Christian doesn't disappoint. His hands on my body are heavenly. I don't think I will ever get enough. He leans in and whispers in my ear, letting me know how beautiful I am. My body purrs. I turn toward him under the stream of water and place my mouth on him. Once again I notice his scars. I want to ask him about them, but I don't want to ruin the moment so I choose reach up and try to touch his chest. His eyes are stricken with pain.

**"Please don't," I want to let her touch me but I can't the darkness is clouding my mind.**

"I'm sorry," I say softly dropping my hands to my sides and looking down at my feet.

He reaches up and pulls my head up so that our eyes meet. I can tell he wants to say something, instead he places his mouth over mine. I am immediately thrust into pure desire for this man. He places my hands around his neck, I am careful not to touch his chest, then picks me up by the rear. Naturally, I wrap my legs around his waist as he guides me down onto him. When I am completely filled with him I lean my head back with pleasure. He thrusts into me hard and I groan. I feel my body tense ready to explode as he whispers for me to go. I shatter as he continues to pump. Just as I come down another wave hits and I can't even describe the gratification I feel. This time he follows me over the edge tensing and then releasing as he whispers my name directly in my ear.

He sets me down and with a smirk on my face I look at him and say, "I guess you will have to wash me again."

After the shower I head to the kitchen.

"I really want to make you dinner, I hope you don't mind." I really want to do something for him since he has given me so much physical pleasure this evening.

I notice a text from Kate that she must have sent while I was indisposed.

HEY STAYING HERE TONIGHT, I TRIED TO CALL BUT NO ANSWER. TXT IF U NEED ME TO COME HOME. I MEAN IT, I DON'T WANT TO SHAFT YOU IF YOU NEED ME.

I text back quickly: STAY THERE, I'M GOOD REALLY! I PROMISE. HAVE FUN!

I set my phone back on the counter and go to making dinner. Christian comes behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. I could get used to this.

**She is so beautiful! I hope I didn't scare her in the shower. I hope I can explain one day, for now I will have to set limits or just tie her up. That could be fun. I love that she wants to cook for me, its sexy.**

**"Can I help you?" I have no idea what I am doing, but I want to stay near.**

**She starts giving me orders like I am her sous chef. I love seeing her in her element, confident and relaxed. I do as I am told and before I know it dinner is done.**

**"It smells wonderful, what are we having," I am suddenly famished.**

"It's a Steele specialty, pork loin in a mushrooms sauce, sautéed vegetables and salad," I have made this meal a million times with my dad. It's quick and delicious.

I grab a bottle of wine and we sit to eat.

"I hope the wine is okay, I don't know anything about how to pair wine with a meal, I usually just drink whatever Kate buys," I admit.

**"Well, Miss Kavanaugh has good taste. This pairing is just right," there aren't many wines I don't like, but I am truthful in my statement.**

"Christian, I know this is probably strange for me to tell you now, since I have already gotten the cart before the horse, but I can't share you," I hadn't even thought about it until I was making dinner and I realized that I have no idea if he wants to be exclusive.

**"Anastasia, I won't share you! You have no worries about me being with anyone else. I make it a point to always be monogamous," I am firm looking into her eyes. This is something I take seriously. I do not share EVER!**

I am relieved at his answer, it makes the other areas a little less scary. I may be able to give in to some of his fetishes as long as I know they don't include other people. I decide to take this one step at a time. He did tell me I didn't have to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. For now I have no choice but to trust that he will keep his word.

"Can you explain how the contract works," I have to admit I am a little curious?

**"Let's eat and then I will do that and answer any questions you have," I am secretly thrilled that she wants to know. I won't force anything on her, but I know if I can explain the contract she will understand that it is to protect both of us.**

I am a little nervous about our impending conversation, but I will do my best to keep an open mind. I eat all my food, apparently pleasing Christian, he has a huge smile on his face.

"What? I was hungry!"

**"Don't apologize for eating, EVER," I think I am ready to explain why her eating is so important to me. I can't reveal all of my fucked-up-ness, but this I can share without fear of losing her.**

**"I'm adopted," I begin, "We will just say I didn't have the best childhood up to age 4. My mother left me alone once (she died, but I'm not ready to tell her all of that yet) and I was without food for almost 4 days. I remember being really hungry while going in and out of consciousness. That is why I began a charity to help hungry children and why I get irritated when you haven't eaten or be very pleased when you have. I want to make sure you never know the feeling of starving, Anastasia, I hope you understand."**

"Christian, I am so sorry," I reach out and touch his hand. "I had no idea."

I want to comfort him more, but I have no idea what to say. "Thank you for sharing that with me. You will never know how much it means to me that you would trust me with it." He is melting my heart. Not because I feel sorry for him and his childhood, but I see that he is trying to let me in. I can tell that this was a big step for him. I won't push him further now, but I hope that he will slowly let me have all of him.

"I really want to know about the contract," I want to take his mind off of the demons of his past.

We move to the couch, I sit facing him with my legs draped over his. He slowly tries to explain that the contract is for our mutual protection. It lays out all the details of our sexual relationship, what we will allow, what we are apprehensive about (soft limits), and what we will not ever try (hard limits). He suggests that I do some personal research about BDSM and ask him questions. He reassures me that I set the limits and he won't ask me to do anything I don't want. He also tells me that if I try something and I don't like it we never have to do it again. I can tell that this is about control for him.

"Why do we have to have a contract," I am curious why the actual document is so important.

**"Like I said, it is to protect us. It allows you to walk away, not strings or questions asked. It allows for pleasure without the mess," I know she doesn't understand why I need the contract for my piece of mind.**

"I don't want a contract, I want a relationship, one of give and take. I am willing to discuss your lifestyle and try things that please you, but I don't think a contract can keep this from getting messy if it ends. People have feelings and to pretend that I can just walk away and not feel anything is a lie."

I would have never given myself to him if I didn't have deep feelings that I thought could grow into something more. I can tell he is dealing with an internal battle and I give him a minute to sort his thoughts.

**"I don't know if I can give you more, Anastasia, I am afraid I will hurt you. I have never had a relationship without a contract." Hell I know I will hurt her. Maybe this was a bad idea. I should have known better than to expect to retain any sense of control with her.**

"Christian, look at me," I want his eyes on mine for this conversation. "I am not asking you to commit the rest of your life to me now. I am asking you to take this one day at a time. I am sure we will hurt each other, probably often, but that is what is so thrilling about getting to know someone, you have to trust them with your shit! Why don't you let me decide if I want to take the risk of being hurt? If you are not willing to risk being hurt, then that is a decision you need to make. From the things you have shared with me so far, it seems like you want more. Funny, you are as much of a relationship "virgin" as I am. I am willing to take a leap of faith with you. We could learn together, slowly."

**"You are an amazing woman, Miss Anastasia Steele. I can't make you any promises other than honesty, but I am willing to try for more. If you even knew what a miracle it was that I was saying this you would understand my infatuation with you," I repeat Flynn's words in my head over and over. I am scared beyond reason, but for her I will try.**

"We will try together," I am hopeful.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Christian, will you stay with me tonight," I ask as I am curled up with him on the couch my back to his chest and his legs wrapped around mine.

**"What about Miss Kavanaugh," I wonder if our time together will be interrupted soon?**

"She is staying with Elliot, she text me while we were…" My voice trails off and I blush.

**"Well then, I guess you are stuck with me Miss Steele," I am relieved that we can spend the rest of the evening relaxing, together.**

I decide to use this time together to get to know each other. I know he has areas of his life that he won't divulge to me, yet.

"Tell me about your family, the people who adopted you," I figure this is a safe starting place.

He begins by telling me that me about his mother, Grace. I turn to look at him, I want to see his face when he talks. His eyes are soft and full of love as he tells me about how his mom saved him when he was 4. I can tell he is battling with wanting to tell me more about what exactly he was saved from, he holds back. I reach up and touch his face.

"I don't need to know any more than you want to tell, Christian," I want him to trust me first.

**Her words are kind, reassuring me that I can trust her. I continue telling her about Grace, Carrick and Elliot. I would do anything to protect them. I move onto my baby sister Mia, I know my face lights up. I explain how I had a hard time adjusting to my new home until Mia was adopted. She was 6 months old and so innocent. She drew me out and as crazy as she can make me I love her beyond words.**

"Mia sounds amazing, I would love to meet her, all of them actually, whenever you're ready."

I don't want to push him, I want to know everything about him, but in his timing.

**"I would love for you to meet them and they you, in fact, my mom is having a fundraising dinner next Saturday at her home, please go with me?"**

"I would be honored, Christian, but I have nothing to wear," I know it sounds like an excuse but it is the truth. I own t-shirts and jeans and somehow I don't think that is acceptable attire.

**"That won't be a problem, Miss Steele, I will have my personal shopper pick out a few things for you to choose from."**

"I couldn't possibly let you do that Christian," I'm reminded of that I am dealing with a billionaire CEO and I know I won't win, but I have to give it my best shot.

**"Anastasia, I won't take no for an answer. You will have to get used to me buying things for you. I don't to it out of obligation. Let me do this for you," I need her to know I understand that she does not want me for my money, but it is a part of me, something she will have to get used to.**

"I have a feeling I'm not going to win this, am I?" I see him shake his head with a smirk on his face.

"I will give in on this, only because I really want to meet your family. Don't get any bright ideas Mr. Grey, I won't give in so easily in the future."

I change the subject before he can argue.

"Tell me about how you became so good at business at such a young age?"

He tells me how he was accepted to Harvard after high school and went to Boston only to drop out in his first year. He realized that he had a knack for business and came back to Seattle to pursue it.

**"Business just comes easy to me, I am good at negotiations, seeing the big picture and being ruthless. There are no emotions involved. My personal life may be fifty shades, but business is black and white, just the way I like it."**

"Fifty Shades of Grey, hmmm, I would love to know each and every one of them," I lean up to kiss him.

He kisses me back and I feel the heat rising in both of our bodies. I pull away, rising and walking toward the bedroom. I look back at him, giving him a let's go now, look and he wastes no time following me. We spend the rest of the evening lost in each other and then when we are both fully spent fall asleep our bodies intertwined. In the middle of the night I wake to find him resting peacefully. I disappear to the bathroom to relieve myself and find myself lost in memories of the yesterday. What a difference a day makes, I think to myself as I wash my hands. Upon returning to the bedroom I notice Christian's thrashing body.

**He is yelling in his sleep. "Don't touch me, no you bastard, leave me alone!"**

I am not sure if I should go to him and wake him for fear of him lashing out mistakenly at me. He is in pain, and I can't take it. I have to stop it. I reach out and touch his arm, softly guiding him to wake with my voice.

"Christian, wake up. I am here and no one can hurt you, now wake up."

His eyes open and it takes a few seconds for the fear to leave them. Once he is fully awake he says nothing, he just grabs me, wraps his arms around me and holds tight. I stay very still until his breathing is back to normal.

"Are you okay," I ask?

**"I am now," as he replies he covers my mouth with his and kisses me passionately. **

He is searching my mouth almost like he can't get deep enough inside. I give back everything he gives and let him take me. He works quickly tossing me on the bed and suddenly thrusting into me. Although this is a new side to him it is extremely HOT! He is so greedy. As he slams his body into mine I can't stop my impending orgasm. Just as it crashes he releases.

**"OH GOD, ANA!" **

The dream is a distant memory and we both fall back to sleep. When I wake, I notice Christian is already up. He is lying beside me just watching me sleep.

"That's a little creepy, waking up with eyes on me," I giggle.

**"You are so beautiful Anastasia, thank you for last night." He pauses, "you know after the dream. I hope I wasn't too rough with you?"**

"Actually, I quite enjoyed it," I blush.

He hops up with excitement in his eyes.

**"Spend the day with me? There is something I want to show you!" **

He looks like a kid on Christmas morning. How can I deny this beautiful man.

"I would love to spend the day with you!"

Before I know it we are showered, dressed, fed and off to God knows where. The anticipation is killing me. On the way Christian makes a phone call, speaking in code that I don't understand. As we arrive, I know we are at a heliport, but I am not sure what he has up his sleeve.

"What are you up to Mr. Grey?"

**"I want to take you flying, Miss Steele."**

"As in you will be flying?"

**"Exactly, this is Charlie Tango, my personal helicopter. Sometimes I go up to just to escape. The city is beautiful from the sky and I wanted to share this experience with you. Another first for me."**

I don't think I will ever get tired of seeing his smile.


	26. Chapter 25

Sorry this has taken so long. It has been crazy this week. Enjoy, I will post again soon

Chapter 25

He is right the city is breathtaking from this vantage point. I could stay up here, like this, with him forever. Unfortunately, we have to go come back down to earth. Christian in this setting is a sight to behold. He is still in control and focused as always, but more in a little boy with his toy kind of way. By sharing this with me I know he is just giving me another view into his soul. It is so endearing. I find myself staring at him, he captivates me, he is more breathtaking than Seattle ever could be.

**"Having fun Miss Steele," Christian catches her staring at him with a wide grin and a twinkle in her eye.**

"More than you know, it is amazing! The city is just as beautiful as you described, but I am most in awe of you, Mr. Grey. I love seeing you like this and the fact that you are sharing yourself with me is overwhelming." I am getting emotional.

**"Well, Miss Steele get used to it, there are many other sides to me you have yet to know. Now let's get Charlie Tango back on the ground so I can get you fed."**

I know he will not take no for an answer, even if I am not very hungry, after his confession I will do this without complaint. Although controlling, I understand why it is so important. After we land, he mentions taking me back to Escala. I can't ignore the dread in the pit of my stomach. The last time we had a meal there was the NDA fiasco.

"Christian, I don't think that is a good idea after what happened last time," I really want him to change his mind and just go to a low key restaurant somewhere.

**"Anastasia, please don't worry this time will be nothing like that. In fact, I have decided to let the NDA go. I am still not sure about the contract, but I believe that I can trust you not to break my confidences on the NDA. I am not sure why, since I've never really tested the theory, yet the way you disarm me and are so loving and caring with your words makes me believe."**

**"**Ok, Mr. Grey I will trust you on this since you are willing to compromise…I know that wasn't easy for you." I give him a wink.

We pull into the parking garage and head up to the apartment. On the way up he looks at me with pure fire in his eyes. I feel the heat rise in my body and I know what is going to happen next. He reaches to stop the elevator just as his lips are on mine. He pushes up my skirt, ripping off my underwear and picking me up. I wrap my legs around him and he lets the wall steady me while he unzips his pants. With one hand he pulls down his boxers just enough to allow access to my body. He thrusts himself deep inside me as his mouth traces down my neck. I know that I won't last long as the sensations build.

"Christian, I can't wait." I say desperately

**"Go NOW!" he demands **

Oh my god that was so HOT! I immediately shatter. He keeps up his pace and shortly after he empties into me. He sets me down straightening his clothes, pulling out a handkerchief to clean me up. After he has wiped me clean he gently pulls down my skirt, kisses just below my ear then whispers,

**"You are so beautiful Miss Steele." **

He starts the elevator and it takes all of my self-control to not pull the emergency stop and let him take me again. Good God this man could set me a blaze with just his words. The elevator opens and I know I am blushing, but I push the thought aside and enter. Miss Jones already has a meal ready. When did he have time to call and tell her we were coming? I don't remember him using his phone? Oh well, his is a man of many talents. We sit to eat and I thank Miss Jones for all of her work. I am not used to servants and I can't say I know quite how to treat them. Christian acts like they are employees, which technically they are, however, it seems strange to treat people who live in your home the same as any other random employee.

"Thanks again Miss Jones," I really do appreciate her willingness to provide such a lovely meal even if it is her job.

She replies, "It is my job Miss Steele so no thanks necessary."

"Please, call me Ana and I would thank anyone for a job well done." I just smile. I can tell she appreciates my gesture and she returns my smile.

**"Are you going to spend all evening giving Miss Jones a big head or do you want to engage me." He is teasing.**

"I like the fun loving you, I can tell you don't allow him to play often. Maybe I can change that."

**"I accept that challenge, I hope it's one you win." He winks.**

We complete our meal and I can tell Christian is half nervous and half excited about something.

"What?" I want to know what he is thinking.

**"I want to show you something, but I am unsure how you might react."**

"You won't know until you do it, so just show me."

He rises reaching out to grab my hand. I place my hand in his and immediately I feel the fire between us. He stops and gets a key and it peaks my interest. We stop at a door that looks like all of the other interior doors except this one has a dead bolt. I am hit with many emotions all at once, but decide to see this through. As he opens the door, my mouth drops open and my knees buckle a bit.

**"Are you okay, Anastasia," He is concerned.**

"Ummm, I am not sure, just give me a second to take it all in."

There is a huge 4 poster bed in the center of an all red room. The bed is beautiful, covered with red satin sheets. The walls are lined with items, some of which I have no idea what they are, others I am trying to phathom how they relate to this room. All at once it hits me, BDSM, this is his playroom. My breathing hitches and I look to him. He seems pleased and yet when he sees my face his falls.

**"Are you okay," he asks again.**

"Is this your playroom, Christian," I need to know if he is planning on using that can on my ass. I wince just thinking of it.

**"Yes," he says whispering.**

"Do you plan on using all of this on me?" I am curious, but a little horrified.

**"I will only use what you are willing and I will start slow," he sounds hopeful.**

"I don't think I can, Christian," I am not scared of him just fearful of the unknown.

**"Ana, (this is the first time he has ever called me by my preferred name) I won't force you into this. I want badly to give you pleasure through submission, but I can go slow. We don't even have to do anything in this room until you think you are ready. In the meantime, I want you to have a key so you can come in here and investigate. You have free reign and I will answer any questions that might arise."**

His calm and caring tone settles my nerves. He is not asking me to dive into his lifestyle head first and as long as he can be patient with me I am willing to try to push away my fears.

"I will try for you, I can't make any promises, but I can give it a shot as long as you can be patient."

**"Oh, Ana you have just made me this happiest man. I can't remember when I have ever been this happy. Trying is all I ask. I think you will be surprised. For now, let's go to my bedroom so I can ravish you for giving me this."**

He pulls me out of the room, locks the door then sweeps me up almost sprinting into the master bedroom. He carefully lays me on the bed then goes to the closet to fetch something. I notice he has a silver tie in his hands.

**"This is the tie I was wearing the first day I met you Miss Steele. Since that day, I have pictured tying you up and having my way with you."**

I am suddenly very wet. He wraps the silky material around my hands and places my arms above my head securing them to the bed. As he strips my clothes off and tossing them on the floor I notice that my body is greedy for his touch. He stands over me, admiring my naked body.

**"I will never get over how beautiful you are, Ana."**

He quickly undresses standing over me. I take in his body and all of its magnificence. I feel myself squirming wanting so badly to touch him, everywhere. I know it's no use since my hands are securely bound. This only intensifies my desire. Christian caresses my breasts with his hands then tugging at my nipples. I moan as my desire continues to grow. He places soft kisses on my stomach working his way down over my hips, into my inner thighs and then he has his mouth on me. As his mouth works it's magic I pull on my binding. Oh god I need to touch him. Suddenly his fingers are helping moving in and out as his mouth continues massaging. My body is tensing and me legs wiggling. It builds and builds until I can't take it any longer and I let go! Waves of electricity shoot through my body. Christian then moves up and covers my mouth with his allowing me to taste my arousal. He never removes his tongue from my mouth and then he pushes into me.

"I want to touch you, please" I am begging.

**"I know."**

My body is filled with him and the pleasure is indescribable. He picks up his pace, our breathing getting heavier and I feel my impending orgasm build again. I know he feels me tightening because he picks up the pace again. As I fall, he follows reaching up to release my hands, he rolls off me and we are both spent.

"WOW!" is all I can say.

**"I told you submitting would satisfy you, that's just a small taste of what could be."**

I have to admit I am intrigued, still scared, but intrigued.


	27. Chapter 26

I am sorry this took so long. I was going to post sooner, but with the tragedy in CT on Friday I decided against it. I have a 6 year old daughter and I cannot imagine what those parents are going through. Let's remember to keep them in our prayers. Enjoy the chapter!

I own nothing...

Chapter 26

I lie in bed staring at her for the longest time. She is so peaceful when she sleeps. I could watch her like this all night. The demons are creeping in though, putting doubt in my mind. They tell me that she will never accept who you really are. How could she you are a monster. You will never be able to share everything with her and therefore never truly have more. I can't stand it any longer I decide to get up and play music. Since I was 6 it has been the one constant therapy that is effective. It helps me forget for a little while.

Reaching out I notice Christian is not in bed. I look to the clock, 3am. I pull his t-shirt on and decide to go look for him. Once in the main room I hear the most beautiful music filtering through the house. Glancing to the windows that span the living area I see him, shirtless in pajama pants pouring his heart into the piece. I stand and listen for a few minutes he is so talented and seems to feel every note. He mentioned he played the night of the NDA disaster, but this is much more than just playing. He has become the music. As he finishes I make my way to him. He glances out the window and I speak softly.

"That was amazing! You said you played, but that was….something much more."

"Music has gotten me through some of the hardest times in life. It is the one thing I can always turn to."

I reach and touch his arm, remembering the fear in his eyes when I tried to touch his chest in the shower.

"Come back to bed."

"Lead the way, Miss Steele."

"Do you mind if we just spend the rest of the night wrapped in each other. As much as I would love for you to ravage me again, I really just want you to hold me."

"There is nothing I want more."

I wake as the sun rises. Lying, looking at his face, calm, relaxed, so beautiful, I can't believe this is my life. This is a man that has women falling at his feet, who would love to submit to his every command and yet he is with me? I don't understand how simple, plain, ordinary me attracted Mr. Christian Grey. I ponder on this for a few minutes taking him in then I decide to get up and get a shower.

Coming out of my pleasant dreams of Anastasia I reach out to touch her finding she's gone. I am struck with panic. The last time this happened was the night I brought her home from the club. I can only hope she hasn't slipped away again. Getting up I check the bathroom, no Anastasia. Where could she be? I hear her voice coming from the kitchen. When I enter she is in my t-shirt with her wet hair piled on top of her head. She is talking on the phone while traveling around the kitchen cooking breakfast. I don't think she has ever been so sexy. I could take her on the counter at this very moment. I sneak up and place my arms around her waist kissing the back of her neck. She smells amazing and feels so natural under my touch. She turns and smiles continuing to talk, mouthing, one minute to me. I stay holding her until she is hangs up. She immediately turns to me greeting me with a kiss and a huge smile.

"In a good mood I see?"

"Oh, Christian, that was Williams Publishing they were calling to offer me the assistant editor position. I could not be happier. I start tomorrow."

I am thrilled that I won't have to take the job with Jack Hyde. Although now with things going so good with Christian it would have been nice to be closer to GEH. We will just have to make a point to do lunch regularly.

"That is great Anastasia. I don't know much about publishing, but I have heard good things about the Williams family. The Greys and the Williams have always run in similar circles. I am sure Grace and Carrick will know more information, you could talk to them about it at the event on Saturday. Since you start tomorrow I'm going to clear my schedule and spend the day with you. We can shop for Saturday." I can't wait to spoil her today.

"I would love to spend the day with you, shopping hmmm, I really wish you wouldn't spend your money on me. I could just borrow a dress from Kate." I just want time with him and not his money.

"Let me worry about how I spend my money Ana, your feelings are dually noted."

Pick your battles Ana, I tell myself. You have to learn to give on this he is a man with means and you can't possibly think he won't buy things for you. However, you must make sure and assert your opinion if he seems to go overboard.

"Let's Eat!" I need to change the subject

"Where did you send Ms. Jones off too?"

"Christian, I am really not accustomed to servants. I have already expressed that time in the kitchen is therapeutic to me. Let's just say I struck a deal with Gail. I can live with being doted on if she will allow me some latitude to cook for you every now and then," I say winking.

"You are quite a negotiator and already on first name basis with the help. I have clearly underestimated you, Miss Steele," I'm impressed.

Breakfast is delicious and I must admit I am looking forward to her spoiling me with her culinary skills. After I finish eating, while Anastasia cleans up I make a few phone calls and hop in the shower. I wonder if she realized that I had Kate pack her a bag and sent Taylor to pick it up last night? I knew I could get Ms. Jones to just wash her clothes, this way somehow seemed, better. I walk into the bedroom to catch her changing from the overnight bag I made sure to leave in full view.

"I see you found your clothes," I am smirking.

"Mr. Grey you never cease to amaze me. How did you make this happen?"

"You have no idea the things I am capable of, Miss Steele."

This is true on so many levels. I fight back my dark thoughts. Today I will stay in the light with Ana. She gives me a grin and just says thank you. I have never had a woman affect me like she does. I have a feeling this is the beginning of something I am not prepared for, but I love the feelings she provokes.

"Are you ready for our day?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I am sure I look the part in my jeans, t-shirt and converse," I say sarcastically.

Christian stalks toward me, grabs my face, looks me in the eyes and says, "I love what you are wearing, it is who you are and I will be proud to have you on my arm anytime." I instantly melt.

"For someone who doesn't do hearts and flowers you sure know how to make a girl feel special, Mr. Grey." I am falling hard for this man and I know I need to be careful.

He just smiles then kisses me softly on the lips and neck.

"If you keep that up Grey we won't make it out of this room today."

"Is that a promise," I continue my assault.

"I would much rather you take me to bed than shopping."

"I can't believe I am going to turn you down, but I am taking you shopping and I will take you to bed later, and that's a promise Miss Steele. Always negotiating aren't you?"

"You can't blame a girl for trying," I bat my eyelashes at him.

We spend the morning shopping in ridiculously expensive stores. After inconspicuously glancing at the price tag of a few of the dresses and seeing $15K+ price tag my anxiety kicks in. There is no way that I can accept this kind of gift from anyone, much less a man I have known less than a month. My mind begins to create scenarios to help me escape the situation. I continue modeling all of the dresses as they are brought to me. I slip into a royal blue, one shoulder, floor length gown. I have to admit that I feel beautiful and as I step out of the dressing room I realize Christian thinks so too.

"Oh, Ana I think we have found it. I don't think I have ever seen anything so breathtaking."

"I love it too, but it's so expensive. I can't possibly let you buy it."

He walks to me, in a calm and authoritative voice speaks.

"Anastasia, this is not up for debate. I understand your hesitation. However, I want to do this for you. I will have the privilege of having you as my date and then having you in my bed Saturday so there will be no arguing."

I am blushing as I feel the heat in my core rising at the thought of him taking me out of the dress on Saturday.

"I will give on this Mr. Grey. You drive a hard bargain. I still want my objection noted, again!"


	28. Chapter 27

Sorry it is so short. I will write more tonight. Enjoy!

Chapter 27

It took a lot of convincing, but Christian finally gave in and took me to my apartment after dinner. As much as I love spending time with him he was smothering me and I wanted to be mentally prepared for my first day of work. The next few days went off without a hitch. I really enjoyed my new position and even got to spend Thursday afternoon with Sawyer and Scout. What precious children they are and I am looking forward to seeing them at the office regularly. Before I know it Friday arrives and my first week at Williams Publishing is but a memory and a great one at that. As I leave the office to walk home I can't help but notice the Audi SUV parked at the curb. Taylor gets out and walks toward me.

"Miss Steele, Mr. Grey has requested that I pick you up and take you to Escala," Taylor speaks professionally.

"Oh, he does? First of all don't call me Miss Steele. My name is Ana. Please tell Mr. Grey that I already have plans this evening. If he had bothered to pick up the phone before he sent you to "fetch" me then I would have gladly told him that myself. Let him know that I will see him tomorrow night as planned for the event at his parent's."

"Miss Steele, I mean Ana, Mr. Grey will not be pleased if I do not deliver you to Escala." Taylor is adamant.

"That is exactly why I will not be going. I am not a package to be delivered to where ever Mr. Grey wants. I understand that he is used to getting his way, but he needs to learn how to deal with "real" human beings, ones that don't work for him under any sort of contract and that are not in the business of pleasing him for what they might get in return."

He really needs a lesson in relationships and I am up for the challenge. I let him have his way with the dress purchase, but I will not be available at his beck and call. I turn on my heel and proceed to walk toward the apartment. Taylor continues to follow me, but once I stop and stare him down letting him know I mean what I say he drives on. As much as, I love that Christian wants to spend the evening with me, I need some girl time with Kate, the Grey men have been consuming all of our free time and tonight is girl's night.

I barely make it up the stairs when my phone rings. I don't even have to look to know who it is. I let it ring 2 more times as I gather my will. I will not be bullied by this man. I do not care how much money he has.

"Hello, Christian," I say flatly.

**"Anastasia, why did you send Taylor away? I wanted to see you tonight. I haven't seen you since Monday evening and I really just wanted to spend the evening just us," Christian speaks urgently.**

"I know how long it has been. I miss you too, but I have been overwhelmed with work this week and I already promised Kate that we would spend the evening in together, catching up. Besides we know tomorrow evening is going to be long and I need to rest up. If I come to Escala you know as well as I that there will be little rest to be had. I promise to make it up to you, now I've got to go. Bye Christian."

I hang up before he can argue.

**That woman is so maddening. Does she know how badly I have been craving her, now I will have to find a way to burn off this extra energy. I will just have to call Bastille for a session, a long one. I have never allowed a woman, other than Elena, to speak to me that way. I am not sure what it is about her. She brings out a part of me that even Elena has never seen. Maybe I should follow up Bastille with a phone call to Flynn. I have to get control over my feelings or I may go insane.**

**After an extremely intense and physical sparring session with Bastille I finally feel physically tired. Mentally is a different story. I have spent this week working harder than I have in months just to put my desires for Anastasia out of my head. Every time I think I have a handle on whatever, it is that is between us, I find myself at square one. I haven't made her sign a NDA or any sort of contract. From a business and legal point of view this is suicide. She could speak to anyone about what I have shared with he, my past, my subs, my playroom. What the hell am I thinking? I dial Flynn. As soon as he answers I unload all of my thoughts.**

"Well hello to you too Christian, sounds like you have had a busy and thought provoking week," he is definitely amused.

**"I am glad you think this is so funny!" I am not laughing.**

"Do you blame me, just 3 weeks ago, you seemed cool as a cucumber; assuring me that you had your life under control. Now a 22 year old college graduate falls into your life and you are thoroughly confused."

**"You have a point, now what the hell do I do?" I want answers.**

"I really wish I had a quick fix for you Christian. There isn't really anything you can do. It seems like Ana is giving you a run for your money and as maddening as it is I think you secretly like her strong will. I am not sure what it is about her that makes her so special from all of the other women that have come in and out of your life, other than the fact you didn't search her out. She happened merely by chance, by fate, if you will. My advice is just as it has been each time we talk of this new sort of relationship that is developing. Let it happen. Lose control and see where it takes you. By not making her sign your usual paperwork you have already given her more trust than most other people in your life. She is doing things with you I couldn't imagine to happen so quickly. She is becoming your therapy, your music so to speak. Get lost in her and see what happens. Scary as it may be, I think Ana has already proven trust worthy or you wouldn't give her such liberties," Flynn speaks to him as a therapist and friend.

**"I'm trusting you on this Flynn, but if it blows up in my face you will have hell to pay." I am smiling but serious.**

"I expect nothing less from you Christian. Now let her be tonight. I will see you at the event tomorrow. I cannot wait to meet the woman that has Christian Grey in knots." He laughs.

**"Funny, bye John, see you tomorrow."**

**I hang up and process our conversation. Is he right, could she be all the therapy I need? Could I possibly trust her with "all" of me? I doubt that, but he's right I hadn't sought her out and yet I am drawn to her like a moth to the flame. She has a way of unarming me. This week has been a good lesson. Unlike my subs whom I always looked forward to relieving stress on, I have missed Ana's smile, her laugh, her. I absolutely have craved to be in her and I still want to have her in my playroom, but I find myself wanting to be in her presence even more than all that. It may kill me to wait to see her until tomorrow night, but I will do as John requested and lose control; until then anyway.**


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Kate and I decide to meet Elliot and Christian at the event. Christian was not happy, but he knew I was not backing down. I had already called the store earlier in the week and had the dress, shoes and accessories delivered to my apartment. I needed Kate to help with my hair and just give me a girl's overview. Christian would just tell me I looked good no matter what and I could count on Kate to be honest. I have to admit I really wanted to make an entrance for him. I wanted to see his face amongst all the other guests when I arrived. He was right, the dress did bring out all the positives of me. It hugged my curves just right and the color accentuated my blue eyes. I felt beautiful and I was ready for a night out with Christian on my arm.

"Damn Ana, that dress is spectacular. I know one Grey who is not going to be able to hold it together tonight. I have never seen you look so gorgeous. I mean at the club you were HOT, but this is all together more," Kate exclaimed!

"Thanks friend, I really feel pretty tonight. I am looking forward to meeting the Grey's and enjoying the party. You don't know how happy I am that you are going too," she didn't. Kate grew up going to functions like this. I was going to be totally out of my element and I need a friend to teach me the ropes.

"I got your back. You will do just fine. Just be you and smile a lot. Now let's go Steele we're going to be late," Kate said as she pulled me toward the door.

We arrived at the Grey mansion right on time. My stomach was in knots. I couldn't wait to find Christian. I hoped he was as impressed with my attire as Kate. Stepping out of Kate's Mercedes we were greeted by Elliot.

"Hey ladies, don't you both look stunning. Christian is going to blow when he sees you Ana. Follow me. My parents are in the house on pins and needles to meet both of you." Elliot puts his hand on the small of Kate's back gently guiding her toward the house.

Kate can see my apprehension so she grabs my hand and leads me gently. The house is amazing. I had been in Kate's house many times and it was wonderful and huge, but this was magnificent. The ceilings were huge, it had been decorated for the event and it was obvious that Mrs. Grey knew how to throw a lavish party. We are bombarded by a girl about our age. She is cute, all smiles, very energetic and dressed immaculately.

"This is my sister Mia," Elliot explains.

"Oh my goodness it is so good to meet you both. I am so excited to finally have some females around here. We will have to do lunch and get to know one another better."

Mia has the energy of 3 people and I am exhausted with just the introduction. She does seem fun though and after what Christian said about how much she affected him when she arrived into their family I can't help but be fond of her. Mia continues talking about all sorts of things that I tend to tune out. I am searching the room for Christian. There is no sign of him which leaves me a little uneasy. Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard headed and just accepted a ride with him. My anxiety is getting the best of me. I push through it. Mia grabs my hand and drags me further into the house. I look up and I am standing in front of a striking woman with shoulder length hair. She exudes confidence, but there is warmth in her eyes. I know before she introduces herself that this is Grace, Christian's mother.

"Why you must be Anastasia. Elliot has told us how you have practically swept Christian off his feet," she says as she reaches to shake my hand covering it with her other. Holding my hand in hers she smiles deeply and there is an unspoken understanding that passes between us.

"I wouldn't say that," I blush. "Christian has quite a way about himself I think it is me that has been swept off her feet. Oh and would you please call me Ana?"

"Ana, darling I have a good feeling about you. Christian has never allowed us to meet anyone he has dated. I think the fact that you are here speaks volumes," she wraps me into a hug.

What? This is news to me. I don't know why, since I know he really doesn't date. Subs aren't really the type of people you introduce to your parents. I guess I just assumed that somewhere in all these years there had to have been one normal relationship.

"I am so sorry to bother you, but you haven't seen Christian have you?" I am starting to get more than uncomfortable. I guess I just assumed that he would be introducing me to his parents. Where could he be?

"Yes, I thought I saw him in the back. Mia will show you the way," Grace says. "Thanks for coming Ana and I hope we can get to know one another better, soon."

"Thank you for having me and I look forward to that," I say as Mia once again has my hand dragging me outside.

Outside is just as spectacular as in. I catch my eyes wondering, trying to take it all in. Mia is telling me how she and her mother have always designed the event. She continues with her details and I am struck with panic. I found him, standing in front of the woman from the salon, the blond. She is touching his arms deep in conversation. His back is to me and I can't make out what they are saying, but by the look on her face she is not pleased and seems a little hurt. My mind is spinning on how I am going to handle this. I have 2 options, walk up to them and act as if she does not intimidate me in the least or run. I decide on option 1. I start my decent toward them gathering my thoughts. As I approach I notice her eyes locked on me. If looks could kill; I stare directly at her never wavering. I refuse to be intimidated, I don't care who she is. Christian apparently sees her looking my direction and turns. The look on his face is exactly what I had waited all evening to see.

**"Anastasia, you look magnificent," he says lovingly.**

"Thank you, Christian. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?" I want to stay ahead in this game. I can see by the look on her face she is surprised by my forwardness. I can feel my claws wanting to extend, but I keep them under control.

**"Anastasia Steele, this is Elena Lincoln." I am not worried if she overheard my conversation with Elena this time. It was filled with how I am overcome by her. I know Elena was not happy with my declaration, but she expressed how she wants what is best for me. Right now looking at Ana, I know she is what is best.**

I extend my hand, with a smile on my face never taking my gaze off hers. She stares at me like she wishes she could turn me to stone. I keep the smile plastered on. I will not let her win. There is something about Elena. I feel a chill in her presence. This woman gives off evil vibes. Christian seems comfortable around her. Why wouldn't he. The way she was with him during their conversation a few minutes ago is night and day from how she is with me at this moment.

"Nice to meet you Anastasia, Christian has told me so much about you," Elena says.

"Nice to meet you too, I wish I could say the same about you. In fact this is the first I have heard your name," Take that dig bitch. The look on her face says it all. She glances at Christian who is just smirking at me.

"Well, that is unfortunate. If you will excuse me I just saw someone that I need to speak with," she turns and heads toward the house.

She glances back once catching my gaze and I am certain I have not seen that last of Elena Lincoln.

**"Well, Miss Steele if I didn't know better I would think someone was a little jealous?" Christian says still smirking."**

"Why ever would you think that, Mr. Grey," I say with a straight face.

**"I don't know, the fact that I was certain there was going to be a cat fight in my presence with all the posturing you two were doing."**

"Who is she Christian, she is way too comfortable with you to be an acquaintance. I may be naïve in many areas, but I was born with women's intuition and it tells me there is a lot more to this story."

**"I promise to tell you, but not here. She is just a friend, but you are right there is more to the story. Let's just enjoy the evening Elena free. Did you meet my parents? I am so sorry I wasn't at the house when you arrived. I have been avoiding a conversation with Elena over the last week and I didn't expect it to last quite so long," he says apologetically.**

"Mia introduced me earlier to your mom. She is a very lovely woman. I haven't had the chance to meet your father. I would love if you would do the honors."

We chit chat about Elliot and Mia as we search the estate for Christian's father; finding him playing host Christian interrupts for introductions. Carrick Gray is distinguished with salt and pepper hair. He is very handsome and is well suited for his beautiful wife. He is just as gracious and expresses what an honor it is to meet me. Christian seems uncomfortable with his dad teasing about him finally bringing around a girl. I break the tension, telling him the story of how we met elaborating about how I had asked if he was gay. We all laughed and as usual I was completely in awe of Christian in his carefree times. His laugh is contagious and it only makes me want to draw it out more. I finally excuse myself to find Kate and the ladies room, leaving the two Grey men with their business conversation.

No luck finding Kate, but I did make it to the ladies room. After freshening my make-up and hair I decide to continue on my search. I walk out of the house and run head on into a man. He is handsome in his own right, late forties with streaks of gray around his temples.

"Excuse me, I am so sorry, I didn't see you there," I quickly apologize.

"No worries, I am as much at fault." He extends his hand. "I am John Flynn."

I reach out shaking his hand, "Anastasia Steele."

"Well, it is nice to finally put a face with a name Miss Steele," He says smiling.

I have to admit I am a little confused. Grace mentioned that Elliot has told them most things about me, not Christian. Yet this man knows my name. How?

"I'm sorry Mr. Flynn should I know you?" I ask.

"No Anastasia, I am a friend of Christian's and I have heard much about you," he says reassuringly.

"Oh, okay I am sorry. He hasn't mentioned you to me." This is the second awkward introduction tonight. Unlike Elena, John seems warm and happy to meet me. Christian and I have a lot to talk about apparently.

"I am sure he hasn't. Just know that I always have his best interest at heart and from what I hear about you I think you are very good for him." Flynn says warmly.

I feel a hand touch the small of my back and I instantly know it is Christian. My body temperature immediately rises at his touch and I am aware that I have missed being with him this week.

**"Hello, John." He says. "I see you have met Anastasia."**

"Yes Christian, she is quite beautiful. I do hope we can get better acquainted in the future."

He says this in a platonic tone and I can tell Christian is at ease with him which relaxes me.

**"I am sure there is plenty of time for that John. I'll see you next week." **

The two men shake hands and I somehow feel like I have eavesdropped on their strange conversation. Christian Grey is a man of many mysteries, all of which I need to get to the bottom of. The rest of the evening goes smoothly. I spend most of my time chatting with Mia and Kate. Christian makes sure not to leave too much distance between us, this I am thankful for. As we are saying our goodbyes Mia makes lunch plans with Kate and me for the following week.

Grace makes a point to hug me, whispering in my ear, "Thank you Ana. I have never seen Christian this happy."

Her words make my heart swell. He did seem rather carefree tonight and I can only hope that was because of me. I promise Grace to touch base with her soon explaining that I would love to talk about the Williams family since I am now employed by them. She beams and we exchange information. Christian opens the door to the SUV and I slip in.

"I can't wait to get out of this dress and heels," I groan.

**Christian smiles, "I can't wait to get you out of them too, Miss Steele."**

The heat between us rises and the 20 minute ride back to Escala seems like an eternity. I was proud of myself this week for standing my ground with Christian, but now it is very apparent that I haven't been intimate with him in 5 days and at this moment all I want is to give him all of me. We make it up to the apartment without letting the elevator get the better of us. He leads me to the bedroom, closes the door and I am sure the anticipation may just kill me. Christian walks around me, taking me in one last time in the dress he spent entirely too much money on and then stops, facing my back he slowly unzips the gown letting it fall and puddle around my feet. I can tell he is impressed with my undergarments. I decided to surprise him with new lingerie. He kisses my neck still standing at my back. A shiver runs through me.

**"Very nice, Ana, I especially like the garters," His tone is low and sexy.**

He continues his assault undoing by bra first. As he kisses down my shoulders his hands cup my breasts. I release a moan, which spurs him on. He rips my underwear off of me, leaving the garter belt and stockings in place.

**"We will leave those and the heels on for this," he is insatiable.**

All I can do is shake my head. Still at my rear he walks, leading me to the bed and laying me down face first. He kisses down my entire back and each cheek of my buttocks while at the same time entering me with his finger. I immediately clinch with pleasure shooting through my body. He continues until I am right on the edge then he flips me over releases his fingers, replacing them with his mouth. Immediately I rise and then suddenly fall, my body collapsing with the release. He stands and undresses as I recover. Once fully naked, Christian leans in and kisses me passionately. I kiss back with urgency as he plunges his full length into me. I grip the sheets careful not to touch his back, but wrapping my legs around him, digging the heels into his cheeks. We climax together and fall utterly spent. Lying in his arms I want so badly to touch him. I decide to ask him about his fear in the hopes that maybe he will elaborate.

"Christian. Why do you not like to be touched on your chest and back? I assume it has to do with the scars?"

I don't look at him and just sit silent giving him time to decide if he is willing to talk. After about 5 minutes he speaks.

**"My mother was a whore. She had a pimp that thought I was a distraction. On many occasions he would beat me while my mother looked on, not saying a word as I cried out for her to help. When he was really angry he would burn me with his cigarettes. That is why there are scars on my body. I have never let anyone touch them and even when I try the fear and physical pain is just too much."**

As he finishes I sit up and place his face in my hands. I figured his childhood was traumatic, but this I cannot imagine the fear he went through on a daily basis for the first 4 years of his life. My mom may be fickle, but I had parents who adored me and protected me from all harm.

"I am so sorry Christian, I had no idea. You didn't deserve that. You were just a little boy that deserved a mom that loved you unconditionally and protected you. I hope you know that I will never hurt you like that."

**"I'm not worried about you hurting me Ana. I'm worried about me hurting you," he says softly.**

"Why would you worry about that?" I want him to continue.

**"Because that is what I do. I don't expect you to possibly understand. Hell, I don't understand. I have a lot of demons and sometimes they get the better of me. My mom overdosed and left me alone for 4 days without food. Her pimp came and found her dead and blamed me, beating me within an inch of my life and burning me worse than any other time. It is only because of Grace that I am alive today. She was the ER doctor and she saved my life and then she and Carrick adopted me. I owe them everything. I wish I didn't have the urges that I have, but I do and I know I will want to hurt you too," He looks away.**

"Christian, I love you! I won't let you hurt me. You are so much better than you believe yourself to be. I see the love in your eyes when you look at me. You may not understand what love is, but I do. I don't say that to scare you or force you into saying it to me, I just thought you should know. I don't expect anything in return. I am giving you my love freely and what you do with it is your choice."

I kiss his lips softly and make him look me in the eye.

"I mean it! I am yours and nothing you can do will change that."

**Did she say she loves me? She doesn't know what she is getting herself into by giving herself to me. I don't want to test her limits, but I can't string her along she will have to see how awful I can be in order to make an informed decision to stay. I grab her arm as I get up.**

**"Come with me," I say coldly.**

**She follows without protest. I am sure this is it and part of me wants to never let her see this side of me. I know it is impossible, this is who I am. I take her to the playroom, unlock the door and pull her inside.**

**"Kneel," I demand. I am in control, yet I don't want to be. I know she will run and I don't want her to. I have never been so torn, especially not in this room. It has always been my refuge. The place where I can be exactly who I am without fear or hesitation, tonight is very different. It has to be done I tell myself. She has to know.**

**She does as I say, "Place your hands on your thighs and look at the ground. You will only look at me when I tell you too. Do you understand?"**

"Yes," I say quietly doing as I am told. I have to admit I am scared, not of him but of what he thinks he is trying to prove. I will not break. I will to myself. He is testing me and I told him I would stick this out and that is what I intend to do.

**"Walk to the bench and grab it with both hands. I will need you to pick a safe word; in case I get carried away you can say it and I will stop." **

"Flowers," I say. I am not sure why that was the word to come to mind other than the time he told me he didn't do hearts and flowers.

**I walk to the wall and get the cane. If I am going to do this she has to see the worst of it. **

**"I am going to hit you 3 times if it is too much, use the safe word."**

**I begin the swats. She lets out a squeal on the first one but doesn't say the word so I give her 2 more of equal force. She never moves. I explain that I will continue until we get to 12. She nods to accept.**

I am in the worst pain I have ever imagined. My resolve is wavering. I don't understand why he would enjoy this. I finally understand that this is what he means by hurting me. He means physically hurting me. Christian doesn't do emotions so it is foreign to him to think he would emotionally hurt me. I don't know how much my body can with stand, but I am proving a point to this man. He will not scare me away with this room. If he wants me to walk away then he will have to tell me to leave. He hits me 9 more times and by the last 6 my skin is so numb I don't even feel them. After he is finished, I turn to him looking him straight in the eye.

Tears in my eyes, "Do you feel better Christian? Does beating the shit out of me make the demons go away? I didn't think so! I am going to leave this room, go take a shower and go to bed."

I turn and walk out leaving him standing cane in hand and horror on his face. I honestly don't know why I am not running for the hills. He better believe he will never touch me in that way again, but for now I will let him try to figure out why he is not relieved. For such a smart business man he really is a dumbass. I wonder what in the world made him think that by beating on women in a controlled setting he would somehow feel better. I have seen more peace in his eyes after we make love than I did after that fiasco. I can only wonder how in the world I will convince him that he is more than what I just witnessed. My ego may be bruised but my love for him is still intact. I start the shower and slip in. The water stings my behind. Once I feel physically relieved I go to the bedroom, Christian has not returned, I put on one of his t-shirts and slip into bed. I know I should be scared shitless. I should have cussed him out for that little stunt. Yet here I am, not scared, but more determined than ever to get him to admit his love. I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me. He may not recognize it, but he will. I am determined to love this man into loving himself. He actually thinks he is no better than whatever that was in the playroom. I am physically and emotionally exhausted, I drift off.


	30. Chapter 29

I got mixed reviews on the last chapter. Please realize that I have an outline in my head, but when I write the story takes on a life of it's own. That wasn't how I planned for the playroom to go down, but it flowed out of me like that. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sorry it is short.

**Chapter 29**

**Anastasia's eyes are like lasers piercing my soul. She is right, I don't feel better. What I feel is a something so completely foreign it takes a few minutes to sink in. I feel remorse. I was so dead set that she would run and never look back that when she stood her ground and stuck to her promise all I wanted to do was beg forgiveness. I know in that moment I will never touch her in that way again. The pain in her eyes was more than I can handle. I gather all of the belts, whips, canes, anything that I have used for that purpose in the past and immediately discard them. I am suddenly sick to my stomach at the thought of hitting her. I cannot get her eyes and words out of my head. I have to make this right or I know it will no longer be my dead mother that haunts me it will be Ana. I am unsure of what to do. There is only one person that can help me right now. As the phone is ringing I realize how late it is, but I don't hang up. I can't. I need help.**

"Christian, is everything okay?" The voice on the line is concerned and confused.

**"I fucked up and I need your help to fix this," I am practically begging.**

"Okay, what happened, I need all the details if you expect me to help."

**I practically spill my guts over the phone. Every last detail about how Ana confessed her love and how I decided to break her by letting out my innermost monster. I continue with how she took every bit and didn't run away. I explained all of my feelings of remorse and regret also divulging that I discarded all of the discipline items in my playroom. **

"Well it seems that Ana has proven what I have been telling you for 6 years. You are not a sadist, Christian and I do believe you love her," Flynn speaks calmly.

**"How can you say I love her when I did that to her?"**

"If you didn't care deeply for Ana her reaction would not have provoked such strong feelings. You have used those items on many other women and never felt one ounce of regret and yet with her you want to throw it all away so you will never hurt her in that way again."

**"I never want to see that much hurt in her eyes again. I could not live with myself if I ever touched her like that again," I am sobbing.**

"Christian, you have trusted Ana with everything. Not even Elena has such extensive knowledge about your background and Grace certainly doesn't know of your lifestyle choices. Ana on the other hand knows it all and she is still there. She is showing you unconditional love; the likes of which you have never known. It will take you some time to accept this, but it is obvious to me that you on a subconscious level understand it," he explains.

**"So how do I make this right John? I can't lose her," I am so desperate.**

"Go to her and explain why you did what you did. Tell her what you just told me. It is that simple. Good bye Christian and good luck."

**Dread fills my thoughts. What if I am too much for her? Could I go back to my old life if she left me? Would I even survive? How could I have allowed her to get under my skin so quickly? The thought of not being with her is far worse than anything I can imagine. I go to the bedroom and find her asleep in my bed. I kneel next to her staring. She is stronger than I ever could be. I learned to be a submissive years ago from Elena and in a controlled environment I accepted many beatings. However, she had never agreed to be my submissive. There was no training of how to mentally submit to such discipline and yet she took all of it and declared her love. She is the strongest human being I have ever met and to be in her presence is captivating. I stroke her hair as tears roll down my cheeks. I lean in and softly kiss her lips. Her eyes slowly open.**

"Christian? Why are you crying?" I am concerned.

**"Ana, I am so sorry. Will you ever be able to forgive me? I promise I will never touch you that way again," I mean every last word.**

"Why did you think you needed to do that in the first place?"

**I start from the beginning. Explaining what I was like as an angry teenager and how Elena showed me how to release that rage at the age of 15 through BDSM. I continue on to how I felt I was a sadist because I got pleasure in causing brunettes pain to punish my mother. As I talk Ana begins to cry. I wipe away her tears continuing with my confession. I tell her everything I told Flynn about never wanting to hurt her like that and how I threw away all of the punishment tools. Finally, I say something I thought I never could.**

**"I love you Ana!" **

"That bitch! I knew there was evil running through her veins," It is all I can do to contain my anger over what Elena did to him.

**"Ana? Did you hear what I just said," I am a little confused at her reaction.**

His words force me back from my dream of hurting Elena. I realize that in all of this he has just confessed his love and my heart is so full.

"I'm sorry Christian I did and I love you too! I am happy that you realized on your own that you never want to hurt me physically like that again because I had already made up my mind to do whatever it takes to prevent entering that room with you in that state of mind again. Quite honestly you scared the hell out of me. I was ready to run, but once I saw your face and it was full of regret and confusion. My subconscious overruled my pain and I decided to give you a chance to explain once I had gathered myself."

He gets in the bed and cradles me in his arms.

**"Ana I am so sorry, I don't know if you will ever know how sorry I am. I realized in that moment when you turned to me that if I lost you I would lose everything. You have given me hope for more and I don't want to let the demons that haunt me destroy that."**

**Without thinking I turn her to face me. I pull her hand toward my chest. If she can endure the beating that I gave her and still love me, surely I can endure her touch. It is the least I can do to show her how much she has already healed me. Her eyes are wide never leaving mine.**

"You don't have to do this," I say with tears welling in my eyes.

I can see the physical and emotional pain that he is in even before my hand touches his skin. I want him to stop. I can't stand to see him like this.

**"You're wrong I do, have to do this. I want you to touch me. I need you to touch me," I am pleading with myself to let it happen.**

**Her hand makes contact with my chest. Fire shoots through me. The memory of the physical pain I once endured is overloading my senses. Ana tries to pull back, tears streaming. Her face is full of love and sorrow for what I am going through, all the more reason she is the one to break this dreadful curse. I hold her hand steady not allowing her to pull away. My breathing is erratic and labored. I lock my eyes on hers. She whispers through her tears, "I LOVE YOU!" Slowly the pain begins to subside. My breathing steadies and my fear is replaced with pure love for this woman sitting in front of me. I physically hurt her less than 1 hour ago and she sits here in agony over my pain, not hers. She reaches her other hand to touch my chest and I am not fearful. Then she leans down and kisses each scar softly with her lips. I can feel myself healing from this inside out. The pleasure that rises in me is unlike any I have ever felt. I give her control and she takes it. I would expect her to lash out, to try to hurt me or be forceful. She does quite the opposite. She kisses me softly on the lips. Moving to my ear she again declares her love. Tears lace my eyes at the love she is displaying. Again she kisses my chest and then down my arms. I reach and remove my t-shirt from her body. I want to feel her skin on mine. She rises and slides her body onto me never taking her eyes off mine or her hands off my chest. I am usually so controlled with my orgasm, but the pleasure I am feeling is far more than anything I have ever experienced. She moves her body slowly at first and when she sees that I am totally comfortable with her control she speeds her rhythm. Simultaneously we rise. Likewise we fall over the edge. She collapses with her head resting on my chest and I sit holding her, stroking her hair in awe. I hold her for a long time, not wanting to remove myself. Finally, she rises cleans us both and lays, head on my where we both fall to sleep.**


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

I wake up in his arms. My head and hand on his chest. I am not sure what possessed me last night to stick around after the beating I endured. I told him it was his face. This is true, but I realize that it could have gone either way. I am grateful that it went the positive route. I only hope we can keep the line of communication open. I need to stress to him that he can talk to me about anything. I know if he closes himself off again it could be dangerous for us both. Why is my first experience with love such a complicated one? Looking at him sleeping peacefully I know this is going to be quite a ride and I can only hope I am up for it. I kiss him softly and go to the kitchen to make breakfast. I know that Gail has the day off and I am pleased that I will have full access to the house without feeling I am somehow stepping on her toes. I plug in my headphones as I cook finding myself lost in the music. This week I made a Christian playlist. All of the songs that make me think of him. Some of my favorites include, _Give Your Heart a Break by Demi Lovato, Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars, Use Somebody by Kings of Leon and Let Me Love You by Ne-Yo._I get lost in the lyrics and don't notice Christian come into the room. When I turn he startles me. He is standing at the counter smiling taking me in. I blush embarrassed because I have a bad habit of singing and dancing. I pull out my headset.

"Sorry, I know I can't sing very well, I just got carried away," I say shyly.

**"Don't apologize I love seeing you half naked dancing around my kitchen. Could you send me that playlist? I want to hear what has you so "carried away"," he grins.**

"Sure, I'll get it to you at work on Monday since I don't actually own a computer. Do you want some breakfast? I woke up starving."

**"How are you feeling this morning," he asks seriously.**

"I'm fine. Why?"

**"Are you hurting?"**

"Oh that. I say looking at me feet. I have to answer honestly. Yes, I say. I am very sore and bruised."

**"Oh God Ana," I go to her wrapping her in my arms. "I don't know how to make this better? Can I see the damage?" **

**She lifts my shirt and I see that her bottom is laced with strips of bruises the exact replica of the cane. I drop to my knees, placing my head in my hands. Cannot believe I allowed myself to mark her like this. I reach up and touch the bruises. She winces a little and I feel defeated. This moment will be burned in my memory forever. **

**"I am as evil as him," I lower my eyes.**

**All of these years I justified the beatings as a way to cope with my anger at my mother and in seeing the stripes left on Ana I come to understand that I am no better than her pimp that burned me with the cigarettes because he was angry I was in the way. I feel Ana slide down onto the floor sitting on her knees at eye level with me. She grabs my hands and lifts my chin so that my eyes meet hers.**

"Not another word about it, do you hear me? You are the victim in this whole mess. Did you pick the wrong coping mechanism? Yes, but before me you have always selected women who were accustom to this type of play. They willingly submitted to your devices. Granted I am different, but you told me I could stop you and I chose to see it through. These bruises are as much my fault as they are yours. I would like to discuss Elena with you, but at a different time when we are not both emotionally exhausted. Now let's get off the floor and eat. I know how you hate it when I go hungry," I wink trying to lighten the mood.

He kisses my hands, rises and sits to eat. He is quiet and I know his mind is still playing with his emotions, but I chose to push through breakfast without a deep discussion. I clear the dishes once we are both finished.

**"I'm going to take a shower, would you like to join me," he says in a solemn voice.**

As much as I want to comfort him more, I think he needs to work through this on his own. I said my peace and he will just have to take me at my word.

"No maybe next time. I really want to get the dishes done and then take a warm bath," I know the water will sooth my aching behind.

He nods, defeated and heads to the shower. I make quick work of the kitchen and as I turn toward the bedroom there is a knock on the door. I am not dressed for company, but I choose to look in through the peep hole before I call Taylor to answer it so I can retreat. I cannot believe my eyes. Just 6 inches of steel separates me from Elena Lincoln, the pedophile bitch that took advantage of a 15 year old Christian. I haven't had a chance to discuss my feeling about this woman with Christian, but fate has stepped in and I can't let this opportunity pass. I can only imagine what she wants. I am sure she is scared to death that she is losing her hold on Christian. If I have anything to say about it she will never be within 500 feet of the man I love. I calm myself, knowing that I can't just attack her and open the door.

"Why Elena, what I surprise to see you," I say through gritted teeth.

She doesn't even make pleasantries with me, I know it is because Christian is absent and she can let her evil show freely.

"I am not here to make small talk with you Miss Steele. Where is Christian?"

I stand my ground, "he is unavailable. Can I help you with something?"

"I completely doubt that. I will just wait. Maybe you could get me a drink," she demands.

Oh no she did not just treat me as her servant, I am about to go off on this self-important whore.

"Well Elena since I am in no way your servant and I am sure you know your way around I think you could make your own drink," I stand tall, shoulders back letting her know my confidence will not be broken.

"Well aren't you a feisty one. I can't imagine what Christian sees in you? He is more into the "submissive" type," she snarls.

"No thanks to you and your desire for little boys," I rebut.

Her mouth falls open, eyes gaping and I know I have hit a nerve.

"You don't know what the hell you are talking about little girl," her evil shining through.

"Don't I?" I let her chew on it for a minute.

"I will not stand here and explain myself to a "girl" who has known Christian for what 5 minutes and you think you know everything about our relationship," she is yelling.

I bring out the big guns.

"I assume he lets you touch his chest, feel the scars, kiss them to comfort him?" I already know the answer, but I want to see her reaction. She doesn't disappoint.

"He let you touch him," Elena is quiet eyes wide with surprise. "You're lying."

"Am I?" She knows by my face that I telling the truth.

I take my opportunity to tell her exactly what I think of her.

"You are a worthless, cold hearted bitch who took advantage of a 15 year old scared boy for your own gain. I am sure he was as beautiful then as he is now and you saw an opportunity to have him," You are truly sick.

I continue as she stands dazed by my assault. "Then you made him think it was normal to want to beat on women as a way of dealing with his anxiety. You must live in your own personal hell to think that is normal and quite honestly, Elena, I pity you. While Christian is moving on to a life he will love you will be reliving the small, sick part you played over and over."

Suddenly she is on me hand raised and I feel the blow across my left cheek. I small knowing she has no power over me.

"Seems I've hit a nerve," I say smugly.

She starts in on me cussing me from every direction. Letting me know how Christian will tire of me and when he does she will be there just like she always is. Calling me a weak, nothing that won't hold Christian's attention for long.

**"ENOUGH Elena," Christian's voice is loud and intimidating.**

We both turn toward him silent.

**"What the hell are you doing here? You know to never show up without calling first," I stand my ground.**

"I am sorry darling I just needed to see you about some business," Elena is icky sweet masking her earlier evil demeanor.

**"Bullshit! You know very well that I do not discuss business on the weekends. So tell me why you are really here," I want answers.**

Elena answers, "Can we discuss this in your office?"

I know Elena only wants to get Christian alone so she can manipulate him the way she has done for the last 12 years. I secretly hope he will not retreat with her. I want him to see me as his partner in this.

**"Whatever you need to discuss with me can be done in front of Anastasia."**

YES! I think to myself she will not be able to get his claws in him while I am present.

"Fine, I was coming to discuss with you our conversation at the dinner last night. It did not sit well with me. I feel like you are turning your back on yourself for this (she is pointing at Ana). You are going to be disappointed when she can't give you what you need," Elena looks longingly at Christian.

Before answering he approaches me wrapping his arm around my waist. He notices the red hand print across my face and I can see the rage rising.

**"Did you hit her, Elena?"**

"She was assaulting me verbally Christian," Elena stammers.

**"Answer the fucking question!"**

She looks at the ground, "Yes, but…"

Before Elena can finish Christian moves toward her. He grabs her arm and pulls her toward the front door. As he is tossing her out the door she is trying to explain and begging him to listen.

**"I don't want you in my house again. If you need to discuss business you need to make an appointment at the office with Andrea. Do you understand? You have crossed the line, hitting the woman I am in love with Elena. You will not subject her to your callousness. Do you understand?"**

She nods in defeat as Christian closes the door. He moves back toward me rubbing his hand over my cheek and kissing it gently.

**"I ran you some bath water he pulls me close. Will you allow me to wash you?"**

I am falling more and more in love with this man. He is so much more than the darkness I witnessed last night. I am sure he doesn't realize how romantic he actually is. I follow him to the bathroom where he undresses me, taking notice once more of my marks. I give him a brief look, letting him know that's enough and I slip into the bath. He washes my hair, back and front. I soak for a good 20 minutes allowing the water to soothe my skin. Once I am dry I get dressed from the overnight bag that I have left here for emergencies.

**"Are you up for an adventure today," Christian asks.**

"I sure nothing could top the adventure of last night Mr. Grey. What do you have in mind," I say playfully.

**"You'll see when we get there." **

He grabs my hand and we head toward the parking garage. Today we take the Audi A8 spider and ride with the top open as we drive toward the ocean. We arrive at the harbor a little after 11 am. Christian has the same look in his eyes as when he took me up in the helicopter and I can suspect what he is planning. We walk down the pier and stand directly in front of a giant sailboat named "GRACE".

"She is magnificent. I have never been sailing, deep sea fishing a few times, but not sailing."

**"Somehow I didn't peg you for the fishing type," he smiles.**

"You have much to learn about me, Mr. Grey. I love fishing and camping. My dad is quite the outdoorsman and with no siblings I learned at a young age to love all of it for the sake of spending quality time with him," I miss my dad so much. I will have to call him this evening to chat.

**"Well then Miss Steele, looks like you will be able to teach me a thing or two and I look forward to the lessons."**

We set sail and Christian is definitely in his element. He barks orders out to me as we set the sails. I love learning a new craft and I find sailing challenging as well as relaxing. I can't help but smile every time he looks my way. There is something about the ocean in its vastness that is healing. The way the tide comes in and out daily. The life hidden in its depths just waiting to be discovered, I could stay out here with just the sound of the waves and the wind forever. I really must take Christian deep sea fishing. He would love the thrill of reeling in an Albacore 3 times his size. I make a mental note to talk to my dad about setting this up before the summer is over. Once the sails are set I join Christian. We sit and enjoy the beautiful summer day. There are only a hand-full of days in this region that it truly feels like summer. Christian leans in and kisses me softly.

**"Thanks for joining me today, I think you are going to be quite a sailor," there is a twinkle in his eye.**

"I'm always up for a challenge sir," teasing him since he is the captain of the ship.

I lean back into his arms and we spend the next few hours in our own world, far from the drama of the last 24 hours.


	32. Chapter 31

Sorry again that it is short. I will be going out of town for a few days so I won't be able to post until the weekend. Enjoy!

Chapter 31

**Somehow Ana convinces me that after dinner tonight she wants to go home to her apartment. I can't pretend to be happy about this. I don't want her out of my sight. I want her in my bed every night. My dreams are so much sweeter with her next to me. I try to understand her reasoning. She thinks she needs a regular schedule as she gets used to her new job and she enjoys her walks to work each morning. I want to tell her NO! Absolutely not I need her, but I don't. I agree to do as she asks. I can only hope she will miss me so much before the week is over she will come back. I stay silent the entire ride to Escala, at least I will get a few more hours.**

"Christian, you know I am going to miss you right?" I need him to understand that this has nothing to do with him. I need a clear head for work and when I am with him he is all I can focus on.

He nods and I know I have hurt him. He stays silent for the rest of the ride. I will have to get him out of his funk before I leave tonight.

**I pull into the garage and park. She darts out of the car looking back smiling. **

"Wanna race Mr. Grey?"

**I can't be upset. She brings out the carefree boy in me. I pull out the keys and just catch her at the elevator doors. She squeals as I pick her up hoisting her over my shoulder, legs dangling. Her laughter is contagious. She is slapping my back begging me to put her down. The elevator doors open and I set her on her feet just inside. **

**"You make me feel so alive, Miss Steele. I will never tire of you. You are my light."**

**I pull her to me and kiss her deeply. Unfortunately, she is in jeans which will prove too difficult to take her here so I let the elevator travel up as I continue with my declaration of love.**

**"I am becoming someone I thought I could never be. You are my only desire. I was lost before you and I didn't even realize it."**

**The elevator doors open and she looks up at me shyly.**

"Christian, will you make love to me before dinner, PLEASE," I need this man more than he realizes.

**She doesn't have to ask twice I would like to take her right inside the door, but my desire to worship her body slowly and thoroughly takes over. I sweep her up and carry her to the bedroom. I slowly strip her clothes off leaving her under garments on. I want her to undress me, touching me as much as pleases her. She helps me pull my t-shirt over my head tossing it to the ground. She moves to my jeans unzipping them as I kick off my shoes. She pushes my pants and my underwear down to the ground and then drops to her knees and takes me in her mouth. I am startled by her forwardness catches me off guard. I enjoy her assault for a few more minutes before I pull her up to her feet.**

**"You never cease to amaze me, Ana. Now it's my turn."**

**I spend the next hour ravishing her body. She never disappoints me, always so responsive and ready to please. I have to admit, I never expected "vanilla" sex to be so damn satisfying. As I empty into her I cannot help but shout her name. **

"If I didn't know better I would think you enjoyed that Mr. Grey," I say sarcastically.

He laughs and pulls me into his arms. I love this man.

"I am going to get cleaned up and make dinner. I'll see you in a bit." I give him a quick kiss followed by a smile before I leave.

After rummaging through the kitchen I find enough to make a quick stir fry. Again, I pop my earphones in and enjoy my Christian playlist. I make it through 4 songs before I feel his arms around my waist.

**"Please stay," he whispers in my ear as he removes the earphone.**

"OK, just tonight. Tomorrow I need to go back to my apartment after work." I figure I should compromise too.

He spins me around and just gives me a big hug. I love making him happy. We spend the rest of the evening chatting about work and family. I tell him about my childhood as an only child of a mother that is on her fourth marriage. How I finally got tired of moving after her 3rd husband and came back to Oregon to live with my dad. I told him all about my dad. He is an ex-military, blue collar, outdoorsman. I adore my dad. He has always been my rock. It is strange to hear how differently Christian grew up with servants and drivers. He attended all the best schools, had private tutors and the finer things of life. We may have been raised in completely different worlds, but we were both raised by loving parents who would do anything to see us happy. Christian may still be haunted by his birth mother and her pimp, but there is love in him because Grace and Carrick showed it to him in droves. He speaks so fondly of them. There is a deep sadness in him as he explains that he never felt worthy of their love.

**"I always tried to hide my anger from them. I just wanted to be perfect for them and I never really lived up. They were always so good to me. I have no doubt that they loved me, I just didn't know how to love them back," he says.**

There are no perfect words. I go to him, sit in his lap, rub my fingers through his hair and kiss his lips. I let him just hold me. It amazes me that he doesn't realize yet how big his heart actually is. Hopefully with time he will see himself the way I see him, perfect.


	33. Chapter 32

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 32

Monday morning I had Christian drop me at work with the understanding that I would stay at my apartment until Friday night. As much as I will miss sharing a bed with him I need to retain my normal way of life. I get so overwhelmed with servants, drivers and just Christian in general. This relationship feels like it is in fast forward and I need to slow it down a bit. My mind will have to over-rule my heart in this. My day at work was uneventful. I really enjoy the Williams family and Maggie is already entrusting me with some editing duties. I know that Christian has been really busy with his CEO duties because by the time I leave at 5 pm I haven't heard a word from him. I shut down my computer down gather all my belongings and head out the door for my walk home. It is drizzling today and I am suddenly glad I left my raincoat at my desk on Friday. I turn right and can't believe my eyes. One Christian Grey dressed casually obviously waiting on me to leave.

"Have you been out here long?" I ask.

**"Only about 10 minutes, I wanted to surprise you," he leans in to kiss me.**

The kiss is soft and chaste. I realize in that moment how much I missed him today, but mentally remind myself of my desire to slow things down. I will agree to have him walk me home, but we cannot spend every night together.

"Will you walk me home?" I ask.

**"I was hoping you would let me. I am sorry I didn't call or email today. It was crazy, busy and I didn't have a second to stop. I hoped walking you home would make up for my absence all day."**

"Christian, of course I missed you horribly today, but I do understand that you have responsibilities and you can't be available to me on a whim. I was actually really busy with work today too. I am glad to see you though. I do hope you didn't go out of your way to surprise me," I say in a serious tone.

**"Anastasia, you are worth going out of my way for. I missed you like crazy, you were all I could think about. In fact, Ros had to bring me back to reality in several meetings today," He smiles widely.**

I can't help but smile back. He is so adorable and it thrills my soul that I was on his mind today. We walk the 5 blocks to the apartment. I ask him about work today, I truly want to understand what he does on a daily basis. He tries to explain in layman's terms and as much as I try I just don't quite get it.

"That sounds very complicated. I like the simplicity of my work," I admit.

He just grabs me in his arms and presses his lips firmly to mine. My entire body melts and I give back with equal force. I pull back before I get carried away. He looks at me confused.

"We are just moving so fast and I need to keep a handle on my emotions."

**"Ana, I completely understand. However, this is the one time in my life I am enjoying not having complete control. I just love being with you and if I could have you with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week I fear it still wouldn't be enough."**

"That is exactly what I mean. We are like a fire raging and I fear what will happen if that fire burns too hot and too quickly. I'm scared we will just burn out and it scares me. I just need a little space to know if what we have is something that will last," I say honestly.

Christian places my face in his hands staring directly into my eyes.

**"I have never felt this way about anyone. It is more than passion for me, Ana. For the first time I want to share my life with someone. It scares the living shit out of me, but the thought of being without you is more than I can bear. I will give you all the space you need, but know it is only because I will do anything not to lose you," he expresses with tears in his eyes.**

"I just need time to process my feelings. I have never been in a serious relationship and I have fallen in love with you so quickly, (I pause), I just don't know how to process all of these feelings that you bring forth. Can we try to slow down a bit? I am not saying not see each other, but maybe try a conventional dating relationship. At least as conventional as your status will allow."

**"I will try, I can't promise that I won't fall into old control habits, but I promise to try. Will you cook me dinner tonight? I promise to eat and leave."**

"I would love to. I also would like you to stay and have some conversation if you don't mind?" I smirk at him. "I love you, Mr. Grey!"

**"And I love you Miss Steele!" he kisses my cheek, places my hand in his as we walk up the flight of stairs to the apartment.**

The next few hours are spent eating, chatting and lounging around. I can tell this is all new to Christian. He seemed a little uncomfortable with the casualness of it all, but he was a good sport and I loved that he was trying; FOR ME. He leaves just as he said he would. I was a little sad, yet I knew that if we were going to slow down it was for the best. I kissed him longingly and then watched him walk down the stairs and get into the Audi that Taylor was driving. I walked back into the bathroom, showered, prepared for bed, taking my birth control out of my purse. I thought to myself, I definitely don't want to forget one. Looking down I realized I was starting the placebo and that meant I would have to let Christian know that I would be off limits for at least the next 3 days. I was suddenly a little sad. Then I decided that it would give me an opportunity to "please" him in alternative ways. I smiled at the thought as I drifted off the dream of my love.

The next few days went by in a blur. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I had to work through lunch much to Christian's dismay. I explained to him that I couldn't turn down the chance to broaden my editing experiences and with all the other job responsibilities it just seemed better to work through lunch than have to work late every day. He half- heartedly agreed, mentioning once or twice that he was more than happy to take care of me financially. I just laughed at him. It didn't even warrant a verbal response. That was not even an option in my mind. Thursday afternoon I was walking home alone. Christian had a late meeting and we decided it was best to just plan a night out on Friday; it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was already half way through my placebo and I hadn't started my period. My head began to spin, my knees became wobbly. I had to get to the nearest drug store and fast. Oh God, we have only been in this "relationship" for less than 3 weeks and I may already be pregnant. What in the hell am I going to do? I have been so careful, taking my pill at the same time every day. I never missed a dose. How could this happen. I have been taking the pill since I was 14 for heavy and painful periods and I knew the drill. This was second nature to me. I tried to calm myself as I walked into the drug store, went directly to the women's section and grabbed a 3 pack of tests. One can never be too certain. I was lost in my own world of morning sickness, baby poop and Christian's reaction when I ran into someone dropping the box on the ground.

"I am so sorry. I didn't see you there."

I scrambled to get the box. She got to it first and handed it to me. I was looking directly into the eyes of last person I expected to see. Charlotte! I will never forget that stare, the ice that it produced.

_"Aren't you the girl I saw leaving Christian's apartment a few weeks ago? Didn't I also see him go after you at the salon downtown?"_

Oh, holy mother of God what do I do?

"Yes, Ana is my name." I take the box out of her hand. "It was good to see you Charlotte." I turn and walk directly to the counter hoping she didn't have a chance to see the contents of my purchase. Charlotte is the least of my worries right now. I get back to the apartment, glad that Kate isn't home yet. I take out the tests, read the instruction pee on all 3 sticks at once, set them on the counter and WAIT.


	34. Chapter 33

I will be gone for a while. I may try to fit in one more chapter before the new year. I think you all will like the twist this story is about to take. Remember FATE!

Chapter 33

"Sir Miss Charlotte Mitchell is here to see you," Andrea pipes in over the intercom.

**What the Fuck does she want? I thought I made myself clear at the salon that I did not want her anywhere in my vicinity.**

**"Please tell her I am unavailable," I say angrily.**

"I am sorry sir but she insists that it is an emergency that cannot wait," Andrea pleads.

**"Fine, send her in."**

**Charlotte strolls through the door with a smug look on her face.**

**"What the fuck do you want, Charlotte? I have already told you that I no longer want any contact with you."**

_"Well hello to you too, Christian. I will be brief."_

**"Get to it, so I can get on with my day."**

_"I thought you should know that I ran into a one Miss Ana. You know the same one that I ran into leaving your apartment a few Tuesdays back."_

**"Get to the point, Charlotte."**

_"It seems she was buying a 3 pack of pregnancy tests. I would say by the look on her face when she ran directly into me dropping the package that they were for her. She couldn't leave fast enough," she looks like a cat that just ate a canary._

**"You're lying. What do you want from me?"**

_"Oh Christian darling, I want absolutely NOTHING from you except to see you squirm and to see your, self -controlled world crumble around your feet. You should have given me a chance to love you. Good luck with your newest endeavor as a father."_

**Charlotte turns on her heel and exits my office leaving as I try to retain some semblance of composure. I thought that Anastasia said she was on birth control? I can't ever remember her taking it. I can't be a dad. I will make the worst father. This is not even an option. How am I going to handle this at dinner tonight? God damn it, I need a drink.**

**I call Elena to meet me at bar near her downtown salon. As I wait for her to arrive, my head is spinning. Was she right? Is love for fools? I certainly feel like a fool right now. How could I have been so stupid? I don't even know this girl. I went against all of my instincts. No background check, no NDA, no contract. I am so screwed.**

_"Why Christian, I was surprised to hear from you after our last confrontation," Elena says smugly._

**"I am in trouble Elena and I am not sure how to fix it."**

_"Oh darling, you know I am ALWAYS here for you. Tell me everything and we will find a way. I assume this is about that naïve girl you think you are in love with? Have I taught you nothing about love?"_

**I tell her about my conversation with Charlotte and my doubts about Ana's honesty. **

_"I can only see one solution Christian. You have to have her get rid of this baby. We both know that with your background you cannot be a father. Then you need to get rid of her, for good and go back to the way I taught you. I can have a sub ready for you by tomorrow. Let's make the world right again." She says touching my forearm._

**I know she is right. I am a fool to think I could do love. I have to regain control over my life and get rid of this little indiscretion. As my head and Elena are telling me this, my heart is aching and my stomach wrenching. I really do love her and I thought she loved me. I know now it is best to keep the heart out of such matters. Tonight at before dinner I will set my course straight and as much as in pains me to hurt Ana, I know I have to do this. I cannot be a father and she obviously is trying to trap me to take care of her and this offspring. How will I ever trust her again? I excuse Elena and sit at the bar for a long while drinking. It has to be done.**

After a wait that seems like an eternity I glare at all three sticks. NEGATIVE…Oh thank the Lord above! I could not be more relieved. I am barely ready for a serious relationship, but a baby is definitely more than I bargained for. I am confused as to why I haven't started? I am always like clockwork. This is the first month I have had sex so I wonder if that could make a difference. I need to talk to Kate. I sit in the living room awaiting Kate's arrival home. She walks in the door a little after 7 pm sans Elliot. Thank goodness, I really don't need him in on this discussion.

_"Hey Steele, how was your day?" Kate is upbeat._

"A little nerve racking," I admit holding up the 3 sticks.

_"Are those yours? Did you think you were pregnant? With Christian's baby?" Kate is stunned._

I explain how I haven't started even though I am midway through my placebo.

"How is that possible and I am not pregnant?"

_"I don't know Ana, we really should go to the clinic tomorrow and get a professional pregnancy test and talk to the doctor. Are you free at lunch? I could pick you up. I definitely don't want you going alone. Hell, I am a little pissed you did all of those tests without me here."_

"I know, I just didn't know when you were going to be home and I didn't want to make it awkward if you were with Elliot. How would you explain that conversation? Lunch tomorrow is fine. I'll be ready early, pick me up at 11 am."

I toss and turn all night. I am secretly happy Christian got home too late to call last night. He sent me a short email explaining, but I have yet to respond. I can only hope I can put him off a little longer so I can get some answers. Kate is prompt and we head to the clinic on the other end of town, near WSU. After waiting an eternity I am called back and asked to pee in a cup. I do my business, give the proceeds to the nurse and sit in the room awaiting the doctor. When the door opens I am struck by fear.

_"Why Ana and Kate, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Grace Trevelyn-Grey seems pleased to see me._

In that moment I think I may die of embarrassment. Kate can see my horror ridden face and speaks for me.

"Hello Dr. Grey, Ana had some questions about her birth control," Kate sticks to her business no nonsense tone.

_"Why of course Ana. I did notice in your chart that you took a pregnancy test when you arrived. It was negative darling. I assume you are worried since you and Christian have a budding relationship," Grace speaks with compassion and sets my mind at ease._

Tears well in my eyes and I explain how embarrassing this is for me. I go into my history with the pill and that I have been so cautious taking them religiously.

She smiles warmly.

_"Sweetheart, do not be embarrassed. Yes Christian is my son, but I am not naïve to the fact that he is most likely sexually active by the age of 27. It sounds to me like you have done everything right. All I can say is that long term use of the pill can sometimes make your period very faint or non-existent. The fact that you are sexually active is just a coincidence. There is no need to worry."_

"Thank you so much Grace. You do not know what peace of mind you have given me." I stand and before I can stop myself I hug her.

_"You are most welcome Ana and please call me anytime with medical questions that you might have. I could have saved you the wait. Also, take care of my son. You are good for him. I have truly never seen him this way. Good to see you too Kate. Elliot is quite smitten with you as well," she says as she turns to leave._

After I get Kate off cloud nine we leave and she takes me back to work. I am surprised to find no communication from Christian. That is so unlike him. I sure hope everything is okay. I shoot him an email stating how excited I am to see him tonight then bury myself in work for the next 5 hours.


	35. Chapter 34

Enjoy!

Chapter 34

I leave the office promptly at 5pm. Walking I decide to call Christian. It goes immediately to voice mail.

"Hey, you must have had a really busy day. I can't wait to see you tonight. I hope you can wrap up whatever you are working on before our dinner date. Love you," I hang up.

He hasn't tried to contact me at all today. This is so out of character for him. I convince myself not to worry, I am sure he was just wrapping up his week. This means I will have his undivided attention tonight. I smile at the thought of being alone with him after putting space between us this week. Kate is home and I spend a few minutes making small talk about what her plans are for the weekend and then decide a shower is in order. I want to wash away the stress that has plagued me over the last 24 hours. I try to decide if this is something I should discuss with Christian. I guess I will see how the night progresses. I don't want to keep anything from him and since Charlotte may have an idea of my predicament and his mom treated me at the clinic I don't want him to hear this second hand and get any preconceived ideas.

I get ready for dinner. I wear a dress tonight, not too dressy and not too casual. This dress will fit whatever venue Christian has planned. Glancing down at my phone I notice that he still hasn't called and it is now 6:45pm. My stomach is in knots. What if something has happened to him? I decide on a text, I don't want to seem as if I am over reacting.

I HOPE EVERYTHING IS OK…I'M ON MY WAY. SEE YOU SOON : )

I get into Bernice and head toward Escala. Pulling into the garage I can't help but notice all the cars in their usual spots. This raises more questions about why he is not communicating at all. I take the elevator up and enter the apartment placing my purse right inside the front door. I start toward the living room, thinking I may find Christian relaxing. He is standing just in the foyer as I look up, wide stance, arms crossed and anger in his eyes. He must have had a bad day. I walk to him kissing him on the cheek and hoping to unarm him. Nothing, he's cold and unmoved. I reach up to touch his chest.

**"DON'T!" he snaps.**

I stumble back not sure how to react.

"Are you okay," I ask softly.

**"Do you have something you want to tell me Anastasia?"**

I'm taken off guard and answer, "I don't think so, why?"

He goes from anger to fury. He begins spewing hate at me and though I hear his words, I cannot process what he is saying.

**"Elena was right about you. I can't believe I was stupid enough to trust you. I went against all of my instincts with you and this is how you repay me."**

"What are you talking about," I say barely audible, my head spinning.

He throws some cash in my face and tells me to take care of it. What the hell…it takes me a few minutes to register what he is talking about.

"Charlotte," I whisper.

**"So you don't even deny it. I want you gone Miss Steele we are DONE!"**

I try with all my might to speak. My head is yelling, my heart is crumbling, and my damn vocal chords are paralyzed. Tears are streaming down my face, I begin to sob uncontrollably. I want so badly to explain, but I am panic stricken and my senses are not functioning. I manage a few words.

"If that is what you want, I will leave." I turn to the door, head down, tears pouring. I leave the money on the floor where it fell. I grab my purse open the door and wait for the elevator. I can't get into Bernice fast enough. I know Kate is gone so I choose to take a drive to clear my head. Before I know it I am on the road to Portland. I will go home and try to wrap my head around what just happened. A weekend away may just do me good.

**She didn't even deny it. What am I supposed to think? She didn't fight or explain she just stared at me. What if I am wrong? What if I just kicked out the only woman I have ever loved? But she didn't refute anything I said. It must be true then, RIGHT? I go to my office and try to get her face out of my head. I go through emails recognizing one from Ros. There is some trouble with an acquisition in Taiwan. I immediately call the Welch. **

**"Have the jet ready tonight. I will be going to Taiwan for the next week."**

**An escape is exactly what I need to get my head right and off of Anastasia Steele. When I return she should be nothing but another memory to suppress. Yes, business is exactly what I need. I pack up a bag and ask Taylor to be ready in an hour to take me to the airport.**

I arrive home a little after 10 pm. My dad is asleep in his recliner. I lean down and kiss his forehead.

_"Annie? Why are you here? Is everything ok?"_

"Everything is fine," I lie. "Can't a girl have a surprise visit with her dad?" I give a weak smile hoping in his sleepy state he doesn't notice my puffy, red eyes from crying for the last 3 hours.

_"Of course she can. It is good to have you. How long are you staying?" he asks._

"I can only stay through the weekend. I have to be at work on Monday. I was hoping we could spend some time relaxing and maybe go fishing too?"

_"You know I never turn down an opportunity to be on the lake with my girl," he kisses my cheek._

"Thanks dad, I love you," tears welling. "I am exhausted from work and the drive. I'll see you bright and early. I'll even make you breakfast."

_"Deal sweetie, it is good to have you home. You get some rest and I'll see you in the morning."_

I send Kate a text explaining that I am staying the weekend at dads. I will call in the morning to explain. She responds quickly with just a K. I know that is because she is preoccupied with Elliot. I immediately think of Christian. I can't believe how angry he was. Why was he so hateful? He acted as if he didn't even know me. He wouldn't even let me touch him. All because he thought I was pregnant? Is it because he doesn't want to be a dad? I understand the fear there, I am sure his childhood does not create any feelings of paternal bliss. Why did I just stand there and let him yell at me. I was so shocked by his hate I couldn't even think. Obviously he didn't love me as much as he professed to just throw me out like a piece of garbage. I cry myself to sleep. Even my dreams were filled with his angry words. There was no escaping.

The next morning I am up before my dad. I start breakfast, hoping that kitchen therapy will heal this hole in my heart. Dad joins me just as I am finishing up. We sit to eat.

_"Annie, you look upset. Would you like to talk?" He is concerned._

"Oh, dad it's just guy trouble. I'll get past it. I really just want to spend this time with you and not think about what is bothering me." How would I even begin to explain any of this?

_"Ok. You know I want pressure you, but if you need me you know I'm here. I have first- hand experience of how stupid men are," he says winking._

I smile and we eat. I get lost in a book while my dad watches old westerns. My phone rings and my stomach jumps. What if it is him? I am relieved to find it to be Kate calling. I totally forgot to call her. Shit! I excuse myself to my room for a little privacy.

_"What's up Steele? You were supposed to call and explain your disappearing act."_

"I know Kate. I got sidetracked. Sorry."

_"Did you not have dinner with Christian last night? Is your dad okay?" Kate asks._

"Dad is fine. I didn't actually have dinner with Christian."

I begin to tell her about everything that happened from the time I left work until the moment I was kicked out of Christian's apartment. When I am done all I hear is silence. After about 30 seconds Kate speaks.

_"That asshole, how dare he speak to you that way. I am going to kick his ass. Does he even know you? He acts like you were trying to trap him or something."_

Kate continues in her rant and I am stuck on her words. That's it he thinks I was trying to trap him. It makes sense. If he thought it was an accident there is no way he would have treated me with such disregard. He thinks I want his money. What the hell? I have done everything possible to prevent him spending money on me. Why would he think that I wanted to trap him with a baby? There was only one answer: Elena. He mentioned that she was right about me. He spoke to her about the situation before he even gave me a chance to explain. I am now furious! That child molesting, piece of shit, if I ever get my hands on her she better pray I can contain my rage. I am equally as furious with Christian, but I can give him a little more leeway since she has been brainwashing him for the last 12 years. I get off the phone with Kate and spend the next 2 days contemplating how to handle the situation.


	36. Chapter 35

Thanks for all of the reviews. You will not be disappointed with how the story will progress, I promise!

Chapter 35

I stayed until Monday morning in Portland to avoid dealing with all the memories of Christian at my apartment. I know I will have to face it eventually, but for now I am just not ready. My mind is plagued with thoughts. I want to contact him, give him a piece of my mind and defend myself. Yet part of me thinks maybe it is useless. I still can't believe he would treat me so coldly. He never gave me a chance to answer any of his questions. Is this what love is? If course not, this may be my first go round, but even I know that you don't treat someone you "love" this way. I'm mixed with emotions. Anger, heartache, disbelief and I just don't know how to deal with any of it. I pull into the nearest parking spot at Williams Publishing make my way in, pour a cup of coffee and proceed to bury myself in work. At noon, Maggie asks if I will be leaving for lunch. I simply say, "not today, and I continue working. Kate randomly texts me all day with words of encouragement. I am so grateful to have her. Before I leave for the day I make the decision to send Christian an email. I refuse to defend myself, but I do want to express some thoughts.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Thoughts

**Date: **June 30, 2012 - 4:45 pm

**To: **Christian Grey

I really don't know where to begin. My heart is broken and yet I am so angry with you right now. I am only sorry that you proved my expressed fears correct. What we had was so easily disposable to you. I will not use my last words to you defending myself. If you ever loved me or knew me you would have known how ridiculous your accusations were. The fact that you chose to discuss your frustrations with Elena and not me speaks volumes. I told you in the beginning that I would never leave unless you ask me to. I hold true to my word and by throwing me out of your life you screamed it so I will not contact you again. I hope that you find love one day. I am sad that you wouldn't allow me to be that for you. Good Luck Christian, there will always be a part of me that loves you. My heart will never be the same and yet I know I will go into my next relationship stronger and wiser.

Love,

Ana

As tears stream down my face I click send. After shutting down my computer I gather my things and head to door. I decide to take a longer route home, avoiding the inevitable. I will have to face the memories sooner or later, but for now I am content with roaming the streets. I browse a few shops near the market hoping to take my mind off the ache in my chest. After about 2 hours and 10 texts from Kate I know I have to bite the bullet and I head home. Walking into the apartment I feel nauseous. I gave him all of me here. It physically hurts to remember all of the special moments. I guess I should be grateful that it didn't last any longer because the memories may just destroy me. I half-heartedly smile at Kate and decide a shower and my bed are in order. After my shower I slip into my pajamas and try to lose myself in a book. Even my normal therapies aren't working. I spend the rest of the evening wallowing in my grief until eventually of fall asleep. For the next 4 days I repeat the same process, eating only enough to sustain myself.

**Christian POV**

**The plane is ready when I arrive. Taylor boards first and I am greeted by a new flight attendant.**

"Hello, Mr. Grey I am Amber. I will be serving you this evening. Please let me know if I can do anything to make you more comfortable."

**I notice she is a brunette and under normal circumstances I would let my imagination run wild at all the ways I could discipline her. However, all I can think of is Ana and how hurt she was when she left. Could I be wrong? Did she really love me? Was she pregnant and if so could have just been an accident? Either way I had let my old demons push her away. I discarded her and I would have to live with the consequences. I pour myself a drink and bury myself in the research that Ros sent over for the meeting in the morning. After a few hours I decide to retire to the bedroom. I am plagued with nightmares, not the normal ones. Tonight it is only Ana that runs through my dreams.**

**The next day goes by slowly. The meetings are a welcome distraction, yet at every lull I question my actions. My intentions were to talk with her calmly, but as per normal I let the anger get the best of me. I should have handled the situation better. The outcome may have been the same, but I know I would have hurt her less and I would not be feeling so guilty. Love doesn't suit me I decide. I am not sure what the ache inside me is, but I can only hope it will go away soon. I spend the evening entertaining potential business associates. This is absolutely my least favorite part of my position. I know it has to be done. This acquisition could make GEH billions. The next day proves the same meeting after meeting. On Wednesday morning I finally take the time to check emails and catch up on work plaguing me in Seattle. Scanning the emails I stop at one. It is from Ana, my heart is suddenly in my throat. I open it and begin reading.**

**Her words confuse me. Why would she not want to defend herself? I was awful and cruel and yet she wishes me the best. My heart knows this is why I fell in love with her. She is the least selfish person I have ever met. I can't believe I went to Elena first. Old habits die hard and she has been my confidant for the last 12 years. What if Elena is wrong? Have I just pushed away the one person I ever loved? My chest restricts at the thought. I decide to call Ana. It goes straight to voicemail. I am not sure what to say so I manage, "I'm sorry I hurt you," then I hang up with tears in my eyes. I have to get to the bottom of this. There is nothing like doing what you should have done to begin with after the fact. I decide to call Kate, she will know what is going on and maybe she can shed some light on the situation. It rings twice and she answers. I immediately start to spill.**

**"Hi Kate, it's Christian. Please don't hang up."**

_"What the fuck do you want, Christian? Don't you think you've done enough already?"_

**"How is she?"**

_"How do you think she is? Destroyed and heart broken. She gave you all her and you threw her away like garbage over a rumor. You didn't even ask for her side or if it was the truth. You are really a piece of shit!"_

**A rumor, the words course through my brain; was it not true? I never fathomed that Charlotte would lie, but then again why wouldn't she I hurt her. Holy Shit! What have I done?**

**"Is she not pregnant?"**

_"Christian, I suggest you call your mom. Maybe she can shed some light on this for you. Do not try to contact Ana again or there will be consequences. She needs time to heal and you popping up randomly will do her no good. Goodbye." She hangs up._

**My mom? What in the hell would my mom have to do with any of this. I contemplate calling her tonight, but I know she is on call at the hospital and decide it is the better part of wisdom to wait and talk to her in person when I return. The suspense may kill me, but my mom is not a phone person and if I catch her while she is with a patient I won't get the information I need. I decide to work furiously to wrap up these meetings and be back in Seattle by Friday evening.**


	37. Chapter 36

I needed to get this out there.. enjoy!

Chapter 36

By Friday I know I must look like death warmed over. Days spent working to bury my sorrow and nights spent crying were taking a toll. Maggie has given me space so far but this morning she meets me at my desk with a cup of coffee and a scone.

_"Ana, are you okay? You look so distraught. Is there anything you want to talk about," she says in her most compassionate voice._

"I'll be fine it's just "love" stuff. You know it will pass…eventually."

_"Well, I have had my fair share of heartbreak. I wasn't always married to that prince in the other room so if you need a shoulder to cry on or some womanly advice just ask," she wraps her arm around me and forces the coffee and scone into my hands. "You need to eat, I won't take no for an answer."_

"Thanks Maggie," I smile.

_"Ana, I was, wanting to discuss something business oriented if you are up for it?"_

"I welcome it."

Anything to get my mind off my heartache; I think to myself.

She begins telling me about an opportunity to travel to New York to help out at one of the satellite branches. Maggie explains that they recently lost an editor and she has been so pleased with my work she was hoping I would fill in for a couple of months while they looked for a replacement.

"What about my work here," I ask.

_"We will manage just fine until you can make it back. I really need someone there far worse."_

I don't even take time to think it over.

"I would love too. When would I leave and where would I stay?"

_"If you could start on Monday that would be perfect; I know it doesn't give you much time to prepare. You would have to leave tomorrow or Sunday. We have an apartment in the city. We will not be using it any time soon and I just thought you could stay there."_

"Sounds perfect! I think this is just the reprieve I need from all the drama in my life here. I would love to leave tomorrow. I can't wait to see the city. I have never been to New York and helping with editing is my dream. Thanks Maggie for the opportunity. I promise I won't let you down," I hug her.

I can't wait to get home and tell Kate. I know she will be a little sad, but she has Elliot to keep her busy and this way I won't always feel like a third wheel. Maybe this will be the fresh start I need. I call my mom and dad on the walk home. Both are excited and yet a little apprehensive, though they would never tell me no. Kate and I spend the evening packing what I might need over the next few months. I decide that I can't take everything and I will just have to purchase some items there. The next morning I print my boarding pass that Maggie emailed me and Kate drops me at the airport. Before I know it, I am in the air, off on a new adventure. My heart aches as the Seattle skyline fades. I recall flying with Christian. His face imprinted in my mind. I tell myself I have to let go. I turn to my magazine and settle in for the flight.

**Christian**

**I successfully closed the deal and made it back to Seattle by 6 pm Friday. I had already expressed to my mother that I would like to come by and discuss something with her. She obviously invites me to dinner. I accept. It's the least I can do to get some answers. I was a little disappointed when Elliot and Mia are both present for dinner.**

_"I figured, we could just make it a family dinner since we don't see you that often Christian," Grace expresses warmly._

**"Its fine mom. I can't stay long and after dinner I have something important to discuss with you."**

_"Certainly dear, whatever you need. How is Ana?"_

**"That is what I would like to talk to you about. I am not sure."**

**_"_**_Oh, I see," she says. "We can go to the study right after dinner."_

**I make it through dinner with only a few low blows from Elliot. It is obvious that Kate has spoken to him. Luckily no one knows what he is talking about. They just think its Elliot, being Elliot. After dinner I go directly to the study. Mom joins me shortly.**

_"What is going on Christian? How do you think I might be able to help you?"_

**I discuss what happened on the broad spectrum. I leave out the details of Elena, Charlotte and my bad reaction. I do include how Kate mentioned I should talk to her.**

_"I am not sure I am at liberty to discuss this with you son. As a doctor I am bound by an oath."_

**"Are you saying that Ana is your patient?"**

_"Yes I can tell you that I saw her at the clinic last week."_

**"Did it have to do with pregnancy?"**

_"Christian, I can't tell you that. I'm sorry!"_

**"Mom I understand your oath, but I am your son and she is the only woman I have ever loved. I may have lost her forever. She will not speak to me and I need to know the truth. I am begging you. I won't let this come back on you, I promise."**

_"I knew you loved her. She is a good girl and she loves you too. She is good for you son and I only hope you can remedy this before it is too late. Did you know Ana was a virgin when she met you?"_

**"Yes," I bow my head.**

_"Okay, that is really none of my business. She is not pregnant. She missed a period and was concerned. I assured her it was because she has been on birth control for many years. Her sudden sexual activity was just coincidental. She has been very careful Christian. She wanted to be pregnant probably as much or less than you wanted her too."_

**Her words hit me hard. Ana is everything she said. She did love me. I have just destroyed any chance at happiness I may have had.**

**"Thanks mom," I hug her and turn to leave.**

_"You need to fix this Christian." She yells as I leave._

**The entire drive home I am in a fog. How could I be so stupid? I automatically didn't trust her. Worse, I trusted Charlotte – a sub that doesn't even know me. Maybe sexually, but Ana knows all of me. Then I went to Elena, she has already expressed her dislike for Ana and why would she encourage me to do something to keep Ana in my life. She wouldn't, she would lose control. I am grief stricken and bury my head in my hands. I "alone" have just ruined my life. I need to talk to Flynn, ASAP. I tell Taylor to go directly to Flynn's office.**

**After a 2 hour session with Flynn, I decide I am too exhausted mentally to face Ana. I will do it tomorrow when I am fresh and I can express myself more clearly. I reach home and crash on top of the covers. My sleep is restless and I rise at 2 am to play music. I have to make this right. In the morning I take a shower, eat breakfast and prepare to go to Ana's apartment. When I arrive Kate's Mercedes and Ana's monstrosity are in the lot. I knock at the door and Kate answers.**

_"What do you want Christian?" Kate glares at me._

**"I need to speak with Ana, please."**

_"Why? She doesn't want to speak with you."_

**"I know but I spoke to my mom as you suggested and I know the truth now. I need to ask for forgiveness. Please Kate," I plead.**

_"Well I am glad you have finally been enlightened. She isn't here."_

**"Her car is here?"**

_"She's gone Christian."_

**"When do you expect her back, I'll just wait."**

_"No, you don't understand. She is gone, as in not in the state any longer."_

**"Where did she go?"**

_"I am not at liberty to say. Just know that she has no plans at returning any time soon."_

**I turn to leave as my world comes crashing down before me. Charlotte has won. I have lost everything due to my own stupidity.**


	38. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Saturday evening I arrive at JFK, collect my bags and look for the driver that Maggie has arranged. Once I spot a man holding a sign with STEELE printed on it I follow him to the car where he makes his way to my home for the next few months. Not sure what to expect, I am amazed when we pull up to a building that faces Central Park. The driver gets my bags from the trunk and helps me carry them up to the apartment. We reach the top floor and he pulls a key from his pocket to open the door. I stand in the entry in awe. This is not an apartment it's a mansion in a high rise. Easily as large as Christian's place at the Escala, but decorated in warm rich tones that invite someone to sit and stay a while. It is gorgeous but not stuffy. What am I going to do in this place all by myself? The driver explains that he will be transporting me wherever I wish during my stay.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you worked directly for the Williams. I think it wise we know one another's names. I am Ana." I reach my hand out to shake his hand.

_"My name is Joe. I have been serving the Williams family for the last 10 years. They are very good people and I feel blessed to work for them," he says._

"Well Joe I am so glad to meet you and I am looking forward to riding with you on a daily basis. I too am just an employee of the Williams so please treat me as an equal." I smile.

He returns my smile and goes through some general instructions of the house. Apparently the entire Williams family shares this apartment whenever anyone finds the need to come to NYC for business or pleasure. Since they are a large family the apartment is rarely empty. They have a full time house keeper/cook, a "Gail" so to speak whose name is Maria. I am not sure how well I will adjust to this life of privilege.

_"Would you like to see some of the city tomorrow, Miss Steele?" Joe asks._

"Please call me Ana, and yes if you don't mind a quick overview would be great. I am sure I will have time to explore over the next few months. Thank you Joe for all your help."

_"It is my pleasure Ana. I will pick you up at 10 am. Take your pick of rooms. The house is all yours." He turns and leaves._

I wonder around trying to decide which of the 6 bedrooms I would like to stake my claim on. I decide on a medium size (that is bigger than mine and Kate's rooms together). It has its own on suite and a wonderful view of the park with a private terrace. Yes, I think this will work just fine. I unpack my belongings and then decide to take a hot bath. I realize I forgot to call Kate and my parents and let them know I arrived safe. I switch my phone on and see a million texts from Kate and 2 voicemails. I decide to call my parents quickly. I don't linger just stating that I have arrived safely and I am exhausted, but I will call them tomorrow. Then I call Kate.

"Hey I forgot to turn my phone on when I landed."

_"How is it? I love New York. What are the digs like?" Kate asks._

I tell her about the apartment in great detail. Describing the view and that I will have a personal driver. I also express my doubts about being able to accept all the fuss, but since it is not permanent I will try to relax and enjoy. Kate gets quiet.

"What's wrong Kate, afraid I won't miss you?" I tease.

_"Christian came by today. He wanted to talk to you. I wasn't going to tell you, but I decided you had a right to know."_

"Did he say what he wanted?" My stomach is doing flips.

_"He spoke to his mom, Ana. He knows the truth and he seems defeated. I am definitely not saying take him back, but I do think he is having regrets. I just thought you should know. If it was me I would make him suffer and see how serious he is."_

"Did you tell him where I am?" I'm not ready to see him. I know if he wants to he will be able to find me, but I would like it to take some time.

_"Of course not, I told him I wasn't at liberty to say. If you want him to find you then that is up to you. Are you okay?"_

"Yes, I'm just sad. I need this space to reflect and figure out where I want my life to go. Can I call you tomorrow after I see the city? I am dying for bath and bed."

_"Sure Steele, relax and I will talk to you tomorrow." _

Once the bath is run, I sink into it. I lay there for about an hour, Christian running through my head. I am glad he knows the truth. I am also thrilled that he has regrets. He treated me like I was a piece of trash. I miss him terribly, but I know that I deserve more than what he has left me with. The distance will help me heal and I am immensely grateful for space.

**Christian**

**Grief hits me hard. Two days ago I was sure that love wasn't my thing. Now that I have taken time to learn the truth I realize what a complete idiot I am. I miss Ana more than I ever imagined. I quickly decide all of this self-pity will do nothing to get Ana back. I need a plan. This could be the most rewarding challenge I have faced yet. I call Welch and ask him to put a trace on Ana's phone. I decide if I'm going to do this I need to bring out the big guns. I know she wants space and I will do my best to temper my stalking tendencies. For now knowing where she is will suffice. After waiting 2 hours for Welch to get back with me I get impatient and call him instead.**

**"Welch, Gray – what did you find out?"**

_"Mr. Gray I can't seem to get a track on the phone. It may be turned off."_

**"Keep trying and the minute you get a hit call me."**

_"Will do, sir."_

**I try to keep myself busy while I wait for Welch. There is a knock at the door so I go to answer it. Elena is standing right outside with a brunette. I vaguely remember her telling me she was going to find me a new sub.**

**"Elena, you know you can't just show up here unannounced."**

_"I'm sorry Christian I just figured time was of the essence. I had already mentioned getting you a new sub and I was recently introduced to Amber."_

"Hello Mr. Gray, it is good to see you again."

**The brunette applying to be my new sub is none other than the new flight attendant from trip to Taiwan. **

**"Elena please follow me to my office. Amber please take a seat in the living room."**

**We walk to the office and I close the door behind us. **

**"I want you to take her back to wherever you found her. I am no longer in need of a sub. I am no longer in need of your services period. I made a mistake coming to you with my little situation. I will continue to support our joint business ventures, but I no longer want a personal relationship with you. I am going to get Ana back and I need to make some major changes in my life beginning with "us"."**

_"You don't mean that Christian," she touches his arms._

**He pulls away, "I absolutely mean it and as much as you have helped me, I have moved past our little arrangement. Good bye Elena." **

**I open the door and usher her out. I don't follow her down but I hear the front door close. Taylor comes up and assures me that both ladies have exited the building. My phone buzzes Welch's name flashes. I quickly dismiss Taylor.**

**"I assume you have news?"**

_"I got a hit sir. It seems the phone we are tracking is somewhere in New York City. I will keep tracking to see if I can narrow it down further."_

**"Please keep me abreast to any changes and Welch I need one more thing. I need you to terminate Amber from her service on the GEH jet. No severance. She needs to be gone."**

_"I will take care of that immediately, sir. Good Day."_

**New York City? I wonder what took her there? This is actually good for me. I have businesses that need "attention" in NYC not to mention an apartment. I begin planning and plotting. I will give her this week to settle in a bit and get my plan in order. One week until "OPERATION GET ANA BACK" is in full effect. **


	39. Chapter 38

Thank you for all the reviews. I am glad you are enjoying my Ana and Christian. I always hated how he never had to work for her. She made it so easy on him. Enjoy and keep expressing your thoughts, they help in my process.

Chapter 38

Joe spent Sunday showing me the hottest areas of Manhattan. He was the best tour guide and I could tell he loved his city. He also promised to educate me on all the boroughs. It is fantastic to have my own personal tour guide. During our day I found out the Joe has been married to his high school sweetheart for 27 years. They have 3 girls. All of which are grown with families of their own. All of the girls live just across the river in New Jersey near where he and his wife reside. They have 6 grandkids all of which are the light of his life. This man is so endearing. I feel like I am in good hands and it is a little less scary being so far away from everything familiar. Monday comes quickly. I am nervous about this new position and only hope I don't let Maggie and Mark down. The satellite branch is just as relaxed as the main office back in Seattle. I am greeted by a young lady dressed similarly to me, jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes. Maggie was quick to tell me what to attire was appropriate. I introduce myself first.

"Hi, I'm Anastasia Steele from Seattle. Mark and Maggie have sent me to help out with editing."

_"Hi, Miss Steele I'm Kelly. Maggie and Mark are my Aunt and Uncle. My dad is Mark's eldest brother. I am so glad you made it safely. Aunt Maggie just raves about you. She has never taken to someone so quickly so you must be pretty special."_

I blush, thinking that I really enjoy Maggie and I can't believe she would have a hard time with anyone. She seems so laid back.

"Thanks. Please call me Ana. It has been a true blessing working with them both. They have the sweetest little family and although I haven't been there long I feel so attached to them."

_"It is a pleasure to have you here. I am not quite sure how long it will take us to find a permanent replacement. I tend to be super picky. Hence the reason they let me run this office being so young. I will show you to your office and get you acquainted with where the last editor left off. He was quite fastidious so it shouldn't be hard to jump right in."_

"Thanks Kelly. I am looking forward to getting started."

I follow her to a corner office. The entire place resembles the Seattle offices; unassuming building in a trendy area with cozy furniture and relaxed environment. I think I am going to enjoy my New York adventure. I spend the rest of the morning lost in work. Kelly was right; I pick up easily where the last editor left off. At lunch Kelly insists that I go to lunch with her, Conner (her brother), Amy the editor's assistant (my job in Seattle) and Cara. I am not quite sure what Cara does yet. I love that the Williams have kept their business affairs in the family. We eat at a dive just up the street. I love hole in the wall restaurants. I want to get the local New Yorker experience. The first week flies by. Kelly invited me several times to go out after hours, but I was still trying to get my bearings. I promised that after I got more settled in I would not turn her down. I was surprised that I only thought of Christian here and there all week. This trip was proving good therapy. I still missed him, but the hurt was more like an ache instead of a knife wound. I might just get past this after all. I spent the weekend with Joe driving me to all the tourist spots. I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, The Empire State Building, Times Square…I expressed to him that I needed to catch a Broadway show and a Yankee game soon. He promised to be available whenever needed. Joe made me miss my dad. I could tell he looked at me like a daughter and for the first time in a week I was home sick.

**Christian**

**The next week I get all of my affairs in order in Seattle. Ros knows she will be running GEH headquarters for a time and I completely trust her. We have half dozen holdings in New York and it has been over a year since my last visit. This trip will serve two purposes. On Wednesday I visit Williams Publishing. Mark went to school with Elliot so I am hoping to use that to my advantage. I walk in just after lunch time and am greeted by a lady. She is quite beautiful with a warm smile.**

"_Hello, may I help you?" Maggie says._

**"Yes please I was hoping that Mark was in. My name is Christian Grey and he went to school with my brother Elliott."**

_"Mark is in his office. Have a seat and I will fetch him for you." Maggie extends her hand. "I am Maggie Mark's wife. The Williams have always spoken highly of your family."_

**"Thank you Maggie."**

**She disappears for a brief minute and then reappears with Mark behind her. She dismisses herself to her office.**

**Shaking hands, "Hello Mark it is good to see you again."**

_"Christian, to what do I owe the pleasure? Are you here to acquire our little family business," he jokes._

**"I see my reputation knows no bounds. Not at all, I am here on a personal matter regarding one of your employees."**

_"Well since most of our employees are family that leaves only a handful of people. I can only assume you are inquiring about Ana."_

**"You would be correct. Ana and I have been seeing each other over the last month and I was hoping to surprise her in New York next week. I didn't know if you knew the extent of her stay. I was out of the country when she left and since I have returned we have played phone tag due to the time change and my hectic schedule."**

_"Well since her last week here in Seattle she seemed so distraught over something, maybe it will do her good to have you visit. Maggie and I sent her to New York to help out with a satellite office for a few months. Ana is a very talented editor in the making. She has natural ability like I have never seen before. She is staying in our apartment on the upper-east side, I will get the address for you."_

**"Thank you so much Mark. I am truly grateful that you have noticed how unique she is as well. I hope my trip will lift her spirits."**

**Leaving with the information I came for I am met with a stare. Gone are the warm eyes of Maggie Williams replaced with an icy stare. I can only think she knows something. Maybe Ana confided in her. I notice her stalking toward Mark with determination. I return to GEH and I am met by an email from Elena. She pleads with me to not be so harsh with her. Reminds me of all the help she has given me over the years. Stating that without her I would be nothing. As much as that may be true I am focused now not on my past, but I have a clear view of my future and I know that without Ana it will be worthless. I choose to ignore the email. I know responding will only give Elena more fuel. Welch rings me just after 4 pm. He gives me the exact location of Ana's cell phone which matches the address that I received from Mark. I hang up more determined than ever to win her back. I have to be careful not to scare her away. Old Christian would just fly over tonight, storm in and take what is mine. This new me, touched by Anastasia Rose Steele can't risk anything. I am going to have to temper my overbearing CEO persona and find a way to win back her trust. I call Flynn, if I had only gone to him instead of Elena this entire mess may have never happened. John knows my personality and doesn't try to squelch it just guides it to a more fruitful outcome. We make a plan to talk every morning and night if needed.**

_"Christian, you cannot storm in guns blazing. That is what got you here in the first place. You are going to have to woo her back. This may take time and patience is not one of the traits you possess."_

**"I know John. What you say is true, but I cannot live without her. I have to make this right. She is my light and I fear that the darkness will be too much if I lose her."**

_"Ana has definitely brought out a new and improved you. I consider you a friend and I will do anything to help keep you away from the demons that have haunted you. You have to listen to me, discuss everything with me. I cannot help if you are going to go rogue again. I am glad you have finally seen Elena for who she is. Whatever guilt you may carry for cutting her out of your life is not of your making. She is the one that needs you. The only way she retains control is to keep you in her dark and twisted corner. This should be obvious to you from the advice she bestowed upon you about Ana. She will try to destroy whatever keeps you from her even if it makes you happy. Don't be fooled again Christian, Elena only cares for herself."_

**"I will always feel as if she saved me from myself at 15. I see it now as a temporary solution to a much larger problem. I never felt safe in her world just in control. With Ana I feel completely out of control and yet safe. It is an odd and glorious thing. I will do whatever it takes John. The last two weeks have been the worst of my life. Ana is worth going to hell and back for and I will show her how much I love her even if it kills me."**

**I hang up with Flynn to begin planning my trip. I call and schedule the plane requesting no flight attendant. I will be happy to serve myself. I cannot take a chance at Amber making an appearance. I only hope Welch got her termination processed. I am sure Amber failed to tell Elena that she was an employee. Elena knows I never sleep with the help. That is no matter now. I have one woman on my mind and in my heart. I only hope I haven't completely lost her. Armed with the address I send a simple bouquet with a note. Romance has never been my strong suit. I have a lot to learn and I hope Flynn is up for the task. **


	40. Chapter 39

Thanks for the reviews...

Chapter 39

Monday morning there is a knock at the door. Maria walks back to the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers, purple hydrangea in a beautiful crystal vase.

"Oh Maria, you got flowers. Is it your birthday?" I ask.

_"No Miss Ana these are for you."_

He already found me? I mean I wasn't hiding exactly, but not only did he find out I was in New York he found my exact location. I have truly underestimated his stalking skills. I reach for the card and am instantly moved to tears.

**Ana, you are my light. I was a fool to throw you away. I deserve to suffer the rest of my life without you. I can only pray that you will forgive me someday. The thought of someone else being what you need is more than I can bear. I will always love you and be eternally grateful that for a brief moment I had "MORE". CG**

I have to excuse myself before I become a blubbering mess. God, I am going to look like a wreck at work. Why would he do this to me now? All he had to do was talk to me instead of believing that bitch Charlotte and the pedophile Elena. I wasn't enough then. He doubted everything between us and now he pulls this shit. I assumed he would just storm in and try to claim me. That I can resist. This is entirely out of character. I have seen glimpses of this during our time together, but I was totally unprepared and I am afraid my heart will give in easily. I resolve myself to keep my heart guarded. This is clearly a job that only my head is up for. Gathering my things I drop the note on my dresser. I can't be late for work.

"Maria, please take the flowers home with you today. Someone should enjoy them," I yell back as I walk out the door.

Joe talks of his family the entire way. It is good to see a man so in love even after all these years. The sparkle in his eye when he mentions his wife Carmen warms my heart. That is the love I desire, a slow simmering flame that never burns out. Christian provides a hot, steamy flash in the pan that leaves black soot everywhere. Yes my head will have to be in charge.

After work Kelly once again asks me to join her. Tonight I agree. I cannot go back to that empty apartment and face the note. He has found me and I am sure it is only a matter of time before he ends up at my door. I decide I will spend as little time as possible there. My head declares independence even as my heart swells with his words. Head it is…

We spend the evening lounging in local coffee bars. These are my kind of people. Nothing thrills my soul more than a night spent discussing literature in a relaxed environment. I have always wanted to attend a poetry reading. Portland had a few coffee bars that attempted at open mike, but I always came away disappointed. New York was bursting at the seams with artists. The passion they poured into their work was inspiring. At midnight, Kelly offered to split a cab with me back to the apartment. I know she was just being nice since she lived in Tribeca which was the opposite direction of my central park location. I was still new to the city and I accepted, at least until I felt more comfortable with my surroundings. When we arrived I actually asked her just to stay. It was her family's apartment after all and there was "plenty" of space. She agreed. I missed Kate so much. Kelly and Kate were polar opposites, but it felt good to have a girlfriend in my corner here. It made my ache for Christian bearable. Tonight I wouldn't have to be alone with my thoughts. We stayed up until 3 am getting to know each other. Kelly was relaxed, unpretentious even though I know she grew up with great wealth. She attended all the best private schools and eventually made her way to NYU for undergraduate work in English Literature. We have that in common. I also was an English Lit major and we discuss the great English authors in detail. After exhausting our minds with talks of Chaucer, Shelley, Bronte and many others we decide that we should retire.

**Christian**

**The jet is ready Saturday morning. I decide to give Taylor a reprieve to be with Gail. I have security in place in New York that will suffice. No one is as thorough as Taylor and if I find that the security is weak I may just fly him out. I arrive a little after 5 pm. Per my request a car is waiting to drive me. My apartment happens to be in the building across the street from the Williams apartment. I am mixed on my feelings of running into Ana immediately. I want to see her badly, but I also know I need to give her space. I will have to be careful in my comings and goings. Pulling up I notice another car pulling on the opposite curb. I sit and wait for the passenger to exit. It is Ana. God she is breathtaking. She looks happy. The driver exits to walk her to the door. She turns and gives him a warm smile and a hug. I am secretly glad this man is old enough to be my dad. I watch her enter and only when she disappears do I exit my car. It took all of my self-control not to run and grab her. I have to remember what Flynn told me. Take it slow, woo her. Sunday I stay in the apartment preparing for a meeting on Monday in the Financial District. I have a direct view of the front door of the building across the street and I notice Ana leaves in the morning with the same driver and does not return until dark. He repeats the same process as the evening before and I assume he must be the regular driver for the Williams family. Monday morning I wait in the car for Ana to exit the building. I know the flowers I ordered were to be delivered this morning. I am curious how they affect her. When Ana exits I notice her red puffy eyes and solemn expression. I hate seeing her cry. However, this is proof that she still cares. I have the driver follow her to her stop before taking me to my meeting. She exits the car and enters the Williams Publishing Office. God if I could just touch her. My arms ache to hold her. As promised, I spoke to Flynn this morning and he urged me again to give her space. I decide to do a romantic gesture each day. **

Ana

Tuesday morning comes fast. The late night has me moving slow. Kelly is already chatting with Maria over breakfast.

_"Hey Ana, thanks again for asking me to stay. I had a great time getting you know you better and it's always good to catch up with Maria," Kelly smiles. "By the way a package came for you this morning."_

"Not again," I say.

_"Is there something wrong?" Kelly asks._

"I just have an ex that sent me flowers yesterday and God knows what he has sent today. He is trying to weasel his way back into my life."

I open the package. Lying inside is a charm bracelet and a hand written note. Taking out the charm bracelet I notice the charms have been chosen carefully. A VW bug, man's shoe, sapphire blue stone, sail boat, helicopter, fishing rod, and a heart are placed equal distance the length of the bracelet. My eyes are stinging with tears. I have to excuse myself before reading the note. I can only imagine the effect it will have on me and I don't want Kelly to see me such a mess.

**Ana-**

**I wanted to give you something special to remind you of better times. Many of these are from memories made with me. These memories are burned into my brain and on my heart forever. When you wear it please think of Seattle. This is how I want you to remember me. I do not want to be the monster that you witnessed. I am better. I owe this to you. I will forever be indebted to you. Your love healed parts of me that I thought would haunt me forever. I love you Ana. I always will. I only want you to be happy. **

**-Christian**

This man is going to kill me. I cannot do this every day. I leave the bracelet on my dresser with the card from the flowers. I go to the bathroom wash my face and go back to the kitchen.

"Are you ready Kelly?"

_"Are you okay, Ana? Do you need a little time? We don't have to rush off." Kelly says._

"Really I am fine. I won't let him have this power over me. I need to bury myself in work for a while."

We meet Joe at the curb and head to the office. I am resolved to stick with my plan. My heart needs to stay in check. I am here to work and live. I won't spend my short time in NYC pining over Christian. I am determined to live and live like a normal 22 year old. My best plan is to ignore Mr. Grey. He will get tired and go away. This is a man used to getting his way. There is no way he can outlast me. Instant gratification is not an option. If he loves me like he says, a few months will not change that for either of us. I want a love that will last the test of time. I bury myself in work and repeat my evening out with my new friends. This time Kelly leaves early and Conner decides to drive me home. I thank him at the curb with a small kiss on the cheek and I turn to head upstairs.

**Christian**

**Again I wait in the car on Tuesday to see Ana exit. I hope she liked the bracelet and is wearing it. I am disappointed when her wrist is bare. This is a blow, but I will not waiver. I know this is going to be a battle and I am determined to see it through. I follow the car the Williams Publishing again making sure she arrives safely then head to another meeting. In the evening I spend my time wondering if Ana made it home. I decide to go for a late run to help burn off some of my frustration. As a turn the corner on my return I notice a car at the curb. A handsome young man opens the passenger door. My stomach clenches and my chest restricts as Ana exits kissing him softly on the cheek before entering the building. I want to beat his face in, but I know if Ana got wind of it I would lose her for good. Instead I take out my cell and dial John. He talks me off the ledge and somehow after a few hours in contemplation sleeps finds me. Well nightmares of Ana moving on with this unknown man.**


	41. Chapter 40

I have needed to get this written all day. This will be my last post today so enjoy. I will be on the road tomorrow with no way to write. Rest assured I will post again Monday. Good night and thanks as always for the great reviews.

Chapter 40

Each day a new gift arrived from Christian. Wednesday was a care package with all of the things I love in Seattle. He had to of talked to someone because I don't think I ever discussed this with him. I will have to get to the bottom of that one later. Thursday was red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, another favorite. What the hell? Who is the mole? Friday it was a thumb drive full of music from my Christian mix along with a few additions. Everyday had a note declaring his love and begging for forgiveness. I have to admit he was wearing my down. Five days is still not proof enough for me to drop my guard. Tonight I have plans with Kelly and Conner. We are headed to Brooklyn to a new coffee house for a reading from an up and coming author. I am grateful they are not into clubbing. I don't have the energy or the clothes for that life style. Conner and Kelly pick me up just after 8 pm. The author doesn't disappoint and Kelly sets up a meeting for Monday to try to sign him with WP. I think he would be a great addition. We decide to continue our evening at a local café over breakfast.

_"Ana, do you remember my friend Jacob?" I nod. "He mentioned wanting to ask you out. I wasn't sure if you were ready yet? What do you want me to tell him?"_

"Give him my number. I would love to get to know him better. I am not ready for a relationship, but I don't see how shutting myself off is beneficial."

_"Okay, I'll call him tomorrow and give him your number. I really think you guys will hit it off."_

I caught a cab back to the apartment. I am starting to feel more confident with my surroundings and I know I can't depend on Kelly and Conner to drive me every evening. I decide on a long bath and then head to bed. Passing the pile of gifts from Christian that I refuse to open, I feel a deep plunge of pain in my heart. I move all the items to the closet. Out of sight, out of mind, yes mind over heart in this matter. I fall into bed, but my dreams are filled with Christian. His face, his smile, his strong shoulders, the scars that dot his chest, how his hands feel on my skin; I wake up covered in sweat. He is breaking my resolve with these small gestures. All the more reason I need Jacob to call. Distraction from Grey, it has to work. RIGHT?

Saturday morning I go to Central Park for a walk. I put in my ear buds. I forgot that I never took my Christian playlist off. I decide to allow myself some time to reminisce. After an hour of smiles, tears and overwhelming grief I turn back to head home. Crossing the street I look to my left and notice a man exiting a car. Do my eyes deceive me? Christian Grey stands mere feet from me. So he has decided that waiting is not a game he can play. Just like Christian to hunt me down and push me into a decision. I head straight for him. I won't give him a chance to sneak up on me. I have to take control of this situation. His back is to me and I reach up and tap him on the shoulder. He spins around and I speak before I lose my will.

"Really you couldn't even wait a week before hunting me down like a lion stalking its prey? How dare you. You threw me out Christian. I loved you and you turned your back on me. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do, just take you back and act like none of it ever happened?" I am practically screaming at him with tears pouring down my face.

He grabs my wrists and pulls me to his chest.

**She is here, talking, actually yelling, nonetheless in the flesh inches from me. I reach out grab her wrist and pull her to my chest. I am struck silent by the mere smell of her. My body immediately reacts. I squeeze her tight afraid she will flee if I release her. I lean down and whisper into her ear.**

**"God I have missed you Ana. I cannot live without you. Please forgive me, I am a stupid arrogant jack ass and I don't deserve you. You have every right to hate me, never forgive me, but I am begging. Please Ana." I lift her head to see my face as the tears roll down my cheeks. Then I press my lips on hers softly. She pulls back.**

"Christian, please! I need space to process this. You chose to listen to Charlotte and Elena. You believed that everything between us was a lie. You crushed my heart and I am not sure it can be reclaimed. I miss you every day. My heart aches for you every minute. I can't risk you turning me away again. It will kill me. So please explain to me why you came today expecting me to just fall at your feet?"

**"Ana I have been here on business for a week. It just happens that my apartment is across the street from your current home. I was not here to force you into coming back to me. In fact, I love you so much I am going to walk into my building and let you escape. Please go fast before I change my mind. I will win you back. I will do it by building your trust and convincing you that I have changed. You have changed me Ana. Now go and don't look back, please."**

He releases me and I run across the street. Bursting through the door I head straight to my room and begin going through all of the gifts from Christian. Is it possible? Could he have really changed? Does he love me enough to let me go? Oh, God can I live without him? My lips quiver still full from his kiss. The tears flow freely and I don't stop them this time. I place the bracelet on my wrist and lie on the bed full of emotions. I drift off.


	42. Chapter 41

I will try to post more later today, but it may be tomorrow. Thanks for your reviews.

**Chapter 41**

**I don't look back to see her leave. I know if I do I won't be able to walk away. The feel of her back in my arms was like holding a piece of heaven. I actually can't believe I had the will power to let her go. On the way upstairs I call Flynn. Now more than ever I need reassurance. The old Christian wants to march across the street, grab her and never let her out of my sight again. Flynn walks me through each thought and doubt. We discuss a new plan of action to win Ana's trust. John discusses options and we settle on trying to develop a normal dating relationship. I will have to trust him on this and use his guidance since I have no idea how to approach that at all. I will give her a few days to recover. I would love to go over the top on this, but Flynn assures me that Ana will probably respond better to the lifestyle she is accustomed. I will have to date her casually. Ana will have to make the rules. I will give her the lead and John will help me navigate the foreign waters. This is going to be a huge challenge for me. I know Ana is worth it and I am more determined than ever to make her mine, again.**

Dreaming of Christian, I can smell him, feel him and taste him. I want to stay here forever. It is so peaceful and comforting. A phone begins to ring we both look at our phones and neither is ringing. We look at each other confused as the phone continues to ring. My dream fades away and I feel empty. I realize it is actually my "real" phone ringing. I don't even look at the number afraid they may hang up.

"Hello," I answer.

_"Hi is this Ana?" says a man's voice that I don't recognize._

"Yes, how may I help you?"

_"Ana this is Jacob, Kelly's friend. She gave me your number. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time?"_

"Not at all, how are you? Didn't we meet last week at one of the readings?"

_"Yes, I was there with Conner. You might remember me talking about my band? We play small venues around NYC I think I was a little overbearing in my invitations." He laughs._

"I remember. I don't think you were over bearing at all. I would love to come see you play."

_"Well I was actually hoping to ask you to go out with just me this time. Are you free Monday night? Weekends are hard for me since we are usually booked for gigs."_

"Monday works for me. Could you pick me up from work? Is it okay if I dress casually? I didn't know what you have in mind?"

_"Great. Yes, please dress casually I thought we would have a casual dinner and then I would show you around SOHO. There are a lot of little unique shops and artists hangouts. I will see you Monday say 5:30?"_

"I'll be ready. See you then Jacob. Bye," I hang up.

Why do I feel like I am cheating on Christian? I have to get it through my head that I have every right to go on a date. This will be a turning point for me. It will help me move on or drive me back into Christian's arms. I will spend tomorrow trying to put all of it out of my mind. I think I will treat myself to a spa day. There is no risk at running into Elena here so I could actually relax. I call Kate and ask what spa she recommends. I have some extra money since I don't have to pay rent or gas. Kate loves trips to NYC and I know she will have the information I need. We chat for a few minutes I let her know I got asked on a date. She is thrilled and I promise to call her Monday when I get home. I leave out the Christian drama. She will just be pissed at me for letting him get to me. After I hang up with Kate I call the spa and make an appointment for the works at 10 am on Sunday. God I need a ME day.

By Monday I am relaxed and prepared to face the week. Tonight will be an experience. It's not that I have never dated, but that was back when my life was less complicated and I felt free to date casually with no regrets or preconceived ideas of love. Christian has turned my once safe and blissful world upside down. What will I do if I really like Jacob? Could I date him regularly while being in love with someone else? I decide to stop over thinking it all. It is one date. For all I know he may not even ask me out again. Work is a welcomed distraction to my added life drama. I stay in for lunch and as 5:30 grows closer my nerves are getting out of control. My cell rings. Oh crap, it's Christian. Should I ignore it? Damn it. What to do? I bite the bullet and answer just before it goes to voicemail.

"Hello." I say flatly. I can't let him hear me waiver.

**"Hey, I am sorry to bother you at work. I know I said I would give you space, but I had an idea."**

"Okay?"

**"I was curious if I could ask you out on a date. Before you say no, hear me out. I want to start over with you. No pressure. Just a guy asking a girl on a casual date to get to know her, I want to do what I should have done before. Are you free tonight?"**

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. How do I tell him I already have a date tonight? I decide that wouldn't be wise. God only knows how he may react.

"Christian, I wish I could. I already have plans this evening. I will admit it sounds nice to start with a clean slate although I have to say I am not sure you have it in you to take the slow route. You are so used to getting your way."

**"If you remember correctly you have been a challenge since the day I met you. You have never just given me my way. I wouldn't change a thing about you. I have met my equal and I am determined to show you the extreme measures I am willing to take in order to win your heart back. I am sorry that you have plans. What about tomorrow night? Do you think you could humor me for one date?"**

I cave, "One date. I can't promise anything."

**"Okay, I promise you won't regret this Ana. I'll pick you up tomorrow night 7 pm at your apartment."**

**I hang up. I have to make this work. I can't lose her again. I will have to get a pep talk before from John. Hopefully, this will be a new beginning.**


	43. Chapter 42

Enjoy!

Chapter 42

Jacob is right on time. We take the subway to into SOHO.

_"I wanted you to get the full New York experience. We can take a cab to get you home, but I wasn't sure if you had taken the subway yet?"_

"Actually I haven't I didn't want to attempt it by myself," I say smiling.

_"I thought we could eat an early dinner, then walk around the neighborhood stopping anywhere that catches your eye then I have a surprise for later."_

"Sounds great," I follow him to a restaurant.

The sign says Ba'al Café. Jacob explains that they serve falafel.

_"Have you ever had a falafel?" He asks._

"Never, what in the world is it?"

_"It is a middle eastern sandwich for an easy explanation. I lived on these when I was at NYU."_

"You went to NYU too? Is that where you met Kelly?"

_"Yes we had a class together Freshmen year and ended up in a study group together. The rest is history."_

"Did you and Kelly date?"

_"No it was never like that with Kelly. She was in a relationship when we first met and though we had a lot in common it became more like a brother-sister kind of thing. She helped me learn the ropes of the city. Being a country boy in NYC can be a very scary thing."_

"Where are you from?"

_"I grew up in a small town outside of Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I got a scholarship to NYU to study music education. During my undergrad studies a few guys got together and formed a band. I currently teach music at a local private academy. The band is really just for fun. Of course I wouldn't complain if we made it big. I just got accepted to graduate school and I am afraid it may interfere with pursuing the band seriously."_

"Wow! You are quite busy. How did you even find the time for this evening?" I smile.

_"It sounds a lot worse than it really is. Since I teach, I am off for the summer and I spend my days writing and composing. When the school year begins I am sure I will be very busy but I always make time for my friends," he says touching Ana's hand._

NOTHING! I felt not one thing. No shiver, no goose bumps, and definitely no electricity like I have always felt with Christian. Nonetheless, I am enjoying his company. I will see this evening through. Maybe something will spark. We continue discussing his plans for the future through dinner. I think it should bother me that he talks about himself a lot. It doesn't, he is not arrogant or self-consumed he is just sharing his dreams. It is endearing and I find myself asking more questions. After dinner, which I found delicious we walk through SOHO stopping at a few boutiques. My favorite was definitely _What Goes Around Comes Around._ I will have to come back and shop another day. The entire trip Jacob asks questions about me. He is not surprised that I was an English Lit major and even comments that I remind him of Kelly in many ways, just not quite as over the top. The way he said it I took as a compliment. Around 8 pm we walk to a bookstore on Crosby. Housing Works Book Store is love at first sight. I am struck by the wood floors and the smell, a combination of books and coffee.

_"I figured you would love this place. I assumed that working for Williams Publishing insured a love of books. This store is very popular among all NYU students. All the profits go directly to Housing Works. They are a non-profit that helps the homeless and those living with HIV/AIDS. I hope you like it. Please browse and I will be in the music section," He winks._

"I love it! I could spend the entire day here. Thanks so much for sharing it with me."

_"Sure, if you can't find me I'll wait in the café. We can have some dessert there."_

I spend the next hour combing through the books. This is like heaven for me. I love being able to hold a book in my hands, how the pages feel under my fingers and the smell as you flip through. I haven't embraced the digital era of book reading. There is nothing like holding a book and dog earing the pages as you read. I decide that this weekend I will come back and spend more time getting to know this store. I don't want to keep Jacob waiting so I head to the café. I decide on hot tea and some banana chocolate bread. We find a seat and munch on our goodies. Around 10:30 pm Jacob hails a cab. He rides up town to drop me home. He walks me up to the front door. He leans down and kisses me on the lips. I wait for some kind of spark, it never comes. The kiss is nice, his lips are soft, but they are not Christian's. Suddenly, I remember that Christian is right across the street. He could be watching this. This might just put him over the edge. I have to admit if I saw Christian kiss another woman I would lose my mind. I wait outside until Jacob gets back in the cab with promises to call as he leaves. Glancing across the street I notice Christian headed straight for me. I can see the rage in his walk. How in the hell am I going to explain this? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't linger in the kiss. I am not even with Christian. Why did I feel guilty and how am I going to get him to calm down?

**"What the hell Ana? Why are you kissing some random guy when you agreed to go on a date with me? Is this why you couldn't go out tonight, you already had a date? Damn it, are you over me?" I go from rage to hurt.**

"Christian, I am so sorry you saw that. Yes, I had a date tonight. Kelly fixed me up and I thought I should go and see if what I feel for you is real? I don't have much experience in the dating world. I needed to create some reference point. It slipped my mind that you may have witnessed him kissing me. I'm sorry if I hurt you." I reach up and touch his face.

**"Do you like him?"**

"He's nice. We have a lot in common. I think he could be a good friend."

**"Friends? Are you going to go out with him again?"**

"I don't know, but I know I am going out with you tomorrow night."

**"I don't share Ana. You know this. I can give up everything about the old me, but that is one thing I cannot compromise on. I don't expect you to commit your life to me, but I would like you to date me exclusively. Do you think you can do that?"**

"I don't know Christian. I am not ready to commit to you. Love isn't trust, Christian. The funny thing is you are questioning my integrity when you were the one that broke us. Are you afraid I am just going to jump into bed with every guy that takes me out? Please, remember that I was the one that kept myself until 22. If you think I never had the opportunity to have sex until you, please think again. I chose to wait. I am sure I can keep myself from stumbling into every bed that presents itself. I am going to go upstairs now. Please think about what I have said. If you still want to go out tomorrow night I will be ready at 7 pm, if not I guess I'll know where we stand. Good night Christian." I kiss his cheek (there is that spark I was waiting for with Jacob) and turn to go.


	44. Chapter 43

I have had mixed reviews of Ana going out with Jacob. Please bare with me. This is a time in life that is extremely confusing. Think back to when you were 22. Ana is not playing games, but trying to be true to herself and her feelings. I really hope you won't stop reading. Love is not always straightforward and neatly packaged. A love that will last has to be tested. Enjoy and Happy 2013.

Chapter 43

I toss and turn all night. I know I did the right thing with Christian. If we are going to work on any level it has to be on my terms. What if he calls my bluff? What will I do if he doesn't show up tomorrow night? I have to put it out of my head. I did what I had to do. I can date. I am not committed to him on any level. He made sure of that. Consequences are a bitch. I am not doing this to make him suffer. I am doing it for me. It is time I put "me" first. Damn him for making me feel guilty. The next morning I dress and head to work. Just after 9 am Jacob calls.

_"Hey Ana, I was wondering if you were available on Thursday? I had a great time last night and I wanted to show you more of the city."_

"Yes, I am available Thursday. I had a great time last night also and I look forward to another adventure with you."

I hang up and get back to work. There may be no sparks, but I enjoy his company. After work Joe drives me home. I spend the next 2 hours primping for my date tonight. There is a gnawing in my gut that I may have pushed him too hard. What if he doesn't show? At 7 pm there is a knock. I run feeling giddy and excited about what the night holds in store. I gather my nerves and open the door.

_"Anastasia Steele?"_

A large man in a suit stands in the doorway."

"Yes sir, how may I help you?"

_"Mr. Grey sent me to deliver this note and regrets about this evening."_

My heart sinks when he hands me the folded piece of paper. My worst fear realized.

"Thank you sir."

I shut the door and sink to the floor. Opening the note I recognize Christian's handwriting.

**Ana-**

**I am sorry that I will not be able to make our date tonight. I have been kept away by business this evening. I truly wish this was something I could reschedule, but it requires immediate attention. **

**So sorry,**

**Christian**

Bull shit! He is using a business as an excuse to avoid the obvious. I am not worth the fight. He has to have his way. I really can't believe he did this to me, but part of me is not surprised. I go to my room and undress, putting on my pajamas. I take out a book and curl up on the couch and read. Damn him! I am now glad that I accepted Jacobs proposal of a second date. My phone rings with Conner's number.

_"Hey Ana, what's up?"_

"Just curled up with a book."

_"Great then you aren't busy. I have a few friends going to check out Jabob's band play tonight. I was curious if you wanted to come with?"_

"That sounds great. Give me about 20 min. I think Joe is still available. I'll have him drive me. What is the address?"

_"I'll text it over."_

"Thanks Conner, I am really looking forward to it."

I hang up and promptly receive the address via text:

Pianos, 158 Ludlow St.

I call Joe and make sure he is available to drive me. He agrees and within 20 minutes I am on the road to a night out with friends. This is just what I need to get my mind off of Mr. Grey. I guess I know where I stand with Christian. It's time to move on. This realization is like a knife stabbing my heart. I put it out of my mind and focus my energy on enjoying my evening. Conner meets me at the door with his friend Nathan. They are rarely anywhere without one another and after some comments from Kelly, I know that Nathan is more than just a friend to Conner. They complement each other well. The evening goes off without a hitch. Jacob is an amazing artist. I can imagine buying their album and I would not be surprised if they do make it big. I stay to the end to make sure and speak to him.

"That was amazing. I am so happy Conner invited me."

_"I am so glad you came." He hugs Ana. "I look forward to Thursday night. Can I pick you up at work again?"_

"Sounds perfect, I better get going or I am going to be exhausted tomorrow." I kiss him on the cheek and turn to Conner.

"Conner, do you mind if I catch a ride with you?"

_"Not at all, my driver is just around the corner. I'll make sure you make it home."_

"I appreciate it. I know it is out of your way."

_"Actually, I am staying with Nathan tonight and he is also uptown."_

About 30 minutes later I arrive home. I secretly wonder if Christian in home. Part of me wants to walk over and give him a piece of my mind. I decide against it. He spoke volumes with his note and I don't think talking about it will do any good. It is what it is. I go upstairs, realizing it is after 2 am. I crash – tomorrow is going to be a very long day. 7 am comes entirely too soon. I hop in the shower in hopes to revive my sleepy head. The steady stream of hot water proves affective. Getting dressed I notice Christian's gifts still tucked away in my closet. I make a mental note to send them back. Why does he have to be so stubborn? I grab a yogurt and granola and head out the door. I run directly into a wall of muscle.

**I grab Ana when she runs into me head on. Her yogurt explodes all over my suit. I guess I will be changing before my meetings this morning.**

**"Sorry I wasn't prepared for you to come out the door," I smile and look down at the mess splattered on me.**

**She doesn't smile back in fact she seems quite irritated. **

**"Did you get my note?"**

"Oh, yes I got your note and regrets. Don't you think a phone call would have been better? How dare you use business as an excuse, honestly it would have been better had you just not sent any word at all."

**She storms away. I grab her arm spinning her to face me.**

**"It wasn't an excuse, Ana. I wanted to call, but I really didn't have any way of doing so. I sent word the only way I could. I know what it must seem like to you, but honestly Ana I was tied up with business." I lean down and kiss her cheek. "I would have moved heaven and earth if I could have prevented cancelling with you last night. I know I don't want to share, but your words hit hard the other night. We are in this predicament because I didn't trust you and as much as it drives me mad to see you with someone else it will not deter me from my goal. I will make you MINE again and if that means I have to play by your rules then so be it."**

"Really? You are willing to compromise? Christian, you don't know how happy this makes me. I am not playing games with you. I need to know that if we get back together exclusively I have no doubts. I want to be completely confident in my decision. I want to be able to give myself to you completely and I am just not there yet."

**She kisses my lips softly. The heat rises in my blood. I wonder if she can still feel the attraction between us? God I want her. I would take her in this hallway if there wasn't so much distance between us emotionally. My imagination runs wild when she puts her hand on the nape of my neck and then runs her fingers through my hair. Just when I can tell she is losing control she pushes back.**

"I'm sorry, I got carried away. It won't happen again," she looks at her feet.

**"You can lose control anytime you want, I quite enjoyed it." I lift her chin. "I am yours Ana. You can do with me as you please."**

**She blushes and changes the subject.**

"I'm free tonight. You know, if you want a redo on our date? I can be ready at 7 pm." She winks.

**"Oh, I desperately want a rain check. I will be here at 7 pm. Nothing will keep me away tonight. I don't care if the company is crumbling I won't give you any more doubts about how serious I am to win you back. I'll walk you down to the car if you don't mind."**

"I would like that, thank you."

**She gets in the car, I wait until she is out of sight then I go back home to change. Tonight I will get back what it mine.**


	45. Chapter 44

I have come to understand that I will not be able to make you all happy with this story. I write what comes to me. Please forgive me for my short comings and I really do hope you will read with an open mind. I understand that for some of you Ana will seem like too much of a push over at times. While others want her to give in completely to CG. Again I want to stress her age and lack of relationship experience. She will tend to be wishy washy. Sorry if it disappoints any of you.

Chapter 44

After work I repeat the process from yesterday. I choose a sundress and sandals. I stand in front of the mirror for a long while questioning if I gave in too easily to Christian. He has a way of breaking down my guard. I will have to be careful tonight. The passion that he invokes could be my down fall. I will have to keep him at arms-length. Tonight I want to get some stuff off my chest and I want the questions answered. We need to put to rest what happened before we can think of moving forward. The knock brings me out of my thoughts. I ignore my nerves and open front door. Christian stands in jeans and a slightly tight t-shirt. Oh my. He looks extremely hot tonight. My body is already betraying me. The heat rises and I know my cheeks are flushed. Arms-length Ana, get some self-control. He sees right through me.

**"Like what you see Miss Steele?"**

I reach up and swat his arm.

"Shut up, let's go." I grab my purse.

In the car I stay on my side and I guess he can tell I need some space because he doesn't try to close it. The tension is thick. I decide to get the awkward conversation out of the way.

"What exactly did Charlotte say to you that made you believe I was hiding things from you?"

I get right to the point.

**"Ana I really don't want to spend this evening talking about how royally I screwed up."**

"Well unfortunately for you I need some answers."

**"You're not going to let this go are you? "**

"Nope," I say emphatically.

**"I don't know exactly what she said that made me believe her. She just said that she saw you in the drug store buying a pregnancy test and by the look on your face it must have been for you. Looking back I can clearly see how ridiculous it was to fly off the handle based on her word. At the time I let my negative thoughts take over. I went against all of my carefully planned rules with you. I didn't do a background check, you never signed an NDA, and I started a relationship with you not a contractual agreement. I went to Elena, now I realize how stupid that was. I am not making excuses, but Elena has been my one constant for the last 12 years. She has helped me navigate through a very hard time in my life."**

"Christian that is not called navigating. What she did was sick. I cannot believe you can't see how wrong it is on so many levels. I will never understand how you think that her relationship with you was normal. She should have been locked away."

**"Ana I don't expect you to understand. You didn't know me then. I was not who I am today. I was angry, out of control and a raging mass of hormones. I couldn't stand to be touched. Elena helped me find a way to deal with my issues."**

"You're right Christian I didn't know you then. I am certain there were other ways to help you with your issues. She is a predator and nothing you say will change my mind. I can see the evil in her eyes. She doesn't want you to be happy Christian. She wants you to be dependent on her forever. I am a threat to her. What exactly was her advice about your pregnancy suspicions?"

**"She fed my fears. She made me question everything I trusted you with. I hadn't taken any precautions with you. All I saw was my carefully controlled and planned world coming to a halt. Now I know that Elena only fueled my fears because she knew she was losing her hold on me. I know I can't take back what I did to you. I have spent the last 3 weeks trying to make things right. Do you remember John Flynn that you met at the Coping Dinner?"**

"Yes, what does he have to do with any of this?"

**"He is my therapist. I have been seeing him for 6 years. Like you, he has tried to convince me that Elena's motives were for her benefit and not mine. I never saw any of it, until I lost you. I see Elena in a new light and I recently cut all personal ties with her. Flynn has been my voice of reason since I met you. He is responsible for keeping me from jumping off a ledge. I let my insecurities get the best of me and I am sorry."**

"Kate told me that you spoke to your mom? I assume she explained the situation? I had planned on telling you everything after dinner that night, but when you attacked me and mentioned Charlotte and Elena I was so hurt I couldn't even find the words to defend myself."

**I kiss her hand.**

**"I really am sorry Ana. I love you more than anything. I will find a way to make this up to you. Now let's put that behind us. I want to enjoy this evening. Can we start over?" I extend my hand. "My name is Christian Grey. What is your name?"**

I smile, "My name is Anastasia Steele. Aren't you a famous and powerful CEO?"

**"That is part of who I am, but more importantly I am just a man that is looking forward to getting to know you, the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on."**

The car stops in front of the restaurant. The sign says Babbo. Joe mentioned this restaurant while on my tour of the city. We enter and are seated at a table in the back corner of the restaurant. Christian orders wine and food. There are some things that I know he enjoys and making sure I eat well is control I don't mind giving to him. We spend dinner getting reacquainted. We ask all the little questions that you ask when you are getting to know someone. We skipped over all of this the first time. I am enjoying learning that Christian has a fun, easy going side. I hope I will see more of it as time goes on. After dinner we head north on foot. I slip my hand into his. It feels so comfortable being next to him. We stop in front of the Empire State Building. Joe had driven me by during my sightseeing a few weeks back, but I didn't have the patience for the line since there were so many other sights to see.

"Are we going to the top?" I ask.

**"I know I said I would take you out on a "normal date", but you know how hard it is not to go over the top. I have a million things I want to do with you while we are in the city. I figured this was a good compromise not too flashy, I hope. Plus the view is so amazing at night."**

"I love it! Thank you. I haven't had a chance to see the city from this vantage point. It has been on the list, but I just haven't found the time."

We take the elevator to the 86th floor. I step onto the observation deck.

"Oh my God! It is beautiful."

I walk around to each side, giddy like a child. I have never seen anything quite like it. The lights of the city are like a million tiny stars that stretch for miles.

**I stand back watching her enjoy the view. She is so breathtaking. While she takes in the city, I take her in. So alive and full of life, Ana appreciates even the smallest things. I see my world when I look into her eyes and it is a world of adventure like I have never known. I make a mental note, not to push her. I want her badly in every way, but I don't want to scare her. I decide to accept each victory no matter how small. The look on her face right now is worth everything. After an hour I know I have to take her home. I walk her to the door kiss her on the cheek. I secretly hope she will lean in for more. When she doesn't I don't linger. **

**"Thanks for going out with me. I had a great time. I hope we can do it again soon."**

"Thank you Christian is was truly wonderful. I would love to see you again."

**"Ana, I would see you every night if you wanted. Are you free tomorrow?"**

"I'm not, sorry. I have a date with Jacob. I am not telling you this to hurt you. I just want to be up front with you. Please know that I will always be honest with you. I can, tell you that I loved being with you tonight. I don't know if I am ready for more, but I am looking forward to more nights like tonight."

**"Since you are being honest, I want to express my disgust with you dating Jacob. I know that I agreed to your terms and I will honor my word. I just want you to know that it tears me up knowing that another man will be enjoying time with you. I trust you Ana and only because of that I will accept this for now. I hope you will change your mind about me. I love you! I will call you later and we can set up another date. I can't wait to see you again."**

**I turn and go. I will have to speak to Flynn about the rage I feel. I need to sort this out so I don't do something stupid.**


	46. Chapter 45

Thanks for the reviews. Your kind words are encouraging.

Chapter 45

I wish my date with Christian had ended on a better note. The date was perfect. I was expecting over the top, all out, throwing around of money and importance. It was the exact opposite. We were able to be two people just having dinner at a regular restaurant amongst everyday people. The Empire State Building was definitely more Christian. I am not complaining. I do love over the top Christian in small doses. That view was amazing it is an experience I will never forget. Just after noon Kate calls. I haven't decided to tell her that I am dating Christian just yet.

"Hey Kate, what's up?"

_"Ana, Jose called me yesterday. He mentioned that you were supposed to come to his gallery opening a few weeks back but never showed. He said he called a couple of times but hasn't heard from you. The only reason he is just now calling me is that your dad was able to explain the job opportunity in New York. You may want to call him and let him know you are alive and well."_

"Oh shit, I totally forgot. I didn't notice any missed calls, but I have been a little distracted lately. I will call him tonight. I hope he will forgive me for missing his show. I was really looking forward to it. Thanks for calling Kate."

_"Hey how is everything going? Don't you just love New York? Anything new on the love horizon? I really miss you Ana. Elliot and I are doing great, but I miss my girl time with you. Mia and I have been hanging out more, but she is no Ana. I love your voice of reason when I am in my spoiled brat mode and we all know I was indulged way too much as a child," Kate says laughing._

"This is very true. I am sure Mia was just as indulged so you both could probably use some poor people perspective. When I get back I will make sure to bring you both back to the real world. I am happy that you at least have her. I have made some good friends out here, but you know no one can replace you Kate. Let's try to make an effort to talk more often. I hate to do this but I have a million things to get done today and I have a date tonight."

_"What, you can't leave me hanging like that. I need all the details. Please!"_

"I really don't have time to go into it right now. My boss Kelly fixed me up with one of her friends, Jacob. Can I call you after the date tonight and give you all the details. With the 3 hour time difference it will still be early there."

We say goodbyes and I get back to work. At 5:30 Jacob arrives. Tonight he has chosen to take me to the West Village. We eat at the Spotted Pig; take a stroll around the neighborhood. I love the brownstones and the cobblestone streets. Jacob explains that it has been virtually unchanged since the 19th century. We check out the exterior of the Jefferson Market Library. The building is magnificent. He says that is was a detention center for women. It was once in danger of being torn down. After a large public outcry it was made into a branch of the New York Public Library.

_"I am sorry Ana. I wish we could go in. It is closed right now. We could come back another day if you want."_

"That would be great!"

Toward the end of the evening we stop and have a drink at the White Horse Tavern. We sit outside and enjoy great conversation over a few beers. I really enjoy Jacob's company. He is a great guy and we have a lot in common. Comparing the 2 dates, I enjoyed both immensely. Jacob and Christian couldn't be more opposite. Jacob is an artist, laidback, relaxed and predictable. Christian is high strung, structured, but has a spontaneous side too. I realize that my times with Jacob are similar to those I have spent with Jose. I feel comfortable with him. What I feel for Christian is completely different. I feel passion, excitement and fire. I will have to decide which is more important to me, the calmness of Jacob or the rapture of Christian. Jacob will be secure. I can tell that we could enjoy each other. I just wish I felt something. Being with Christian is a risk; a huge risk that I am drawn to even when reason tells me otherwise. I know I have to decide. It isn't fair to either of them to string them along. I need to spend this weekend sorting this out. I decide to take a cab home by myself. I don't want to risk Christian witnessing another kiss. I say my goodbyes at the Tavern.

"Thanks Jacob for another great evening."

_"It's my pleasure, Ana. I have enjoyed getting to know you better. I hope you will continue to let me show you around while we get to know each other."_

He leans in and kisses me, more passionately this time. The kiss is nice. He obviously has experience in this department. It is lacking the raw desire of Christian's kiss and I suddenly want to see him. I get in the cab. The entire ride back I know I made up my mind. I love Christian Grey and I want to try to make it work. There are a lot of details that we need to sort out. I have to continue to have my life. I can't give up my friends and the things that I enjoy. They make me who I am and if he loves me he will understand. The cab stops, I pay the fare and I run to Christian's building. Shit. What apartment does he live in? When I enter the lobby I notice a security desk. I explain my predicament. I give him my name and he smiles.

_"Yes Miss Steele, Mr. Grey left word that you were to always have access to his apartment."_

"Oh." I say.

I take the elevator to the apartment and knock. An older woman answers the door.

"I'm so sorry I was looking for the Grey residence."

_"Yes dear this is the Grey residence. I am Pauline Mr. Grey's housekeeper. I regret that Mr. Grey is not home."_

"Do you expect him home soon?" I ask.

_"No dear he was called back to Seattle on business. I don't know when he is set to return."_

I thank her and turn to head home. Was he going to call me? I check my phone. I had forgotten that I put it on silent at dinner. There is a missed call and voicemail from Christian.

**"Ana, Ros called today and she has a situation in Seattle that requires my immediate attention. I am sorry to leave so abruptly. Ros would not have demanded unless it was important. I will try to get back to you as soon as possible. Please remember that I love you. I hope you had a nice time this evening. Hell who am I kidding I hope he blew it and you want to run into my arms. I will see you soon. Bye."**

I hang up the phone. I am happy he took the time to call me, but I don't want to tell him over the phone about my recent revelation. It will have to wait until he returns. This is probably better. I will have a few days to think about how I wish to proceed.


	47. Chapter 46

I am sorry to say that I have had a few stop reading. I will continue with my story as planned. I will not apologize for the liberties I take that others may not agree with. For those of you still reading please continue to review. I don't expect that everyone will agree with me, but I do enjoy hearing your opinions. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 46

I remember to call Jose. I feel better after clearing the air with him. I can't believe I forgot all about his show. He reassured me that they had booked him again in the fall. After I hang up with him I call Kate. I need her advice. I want to be careful this time around with Christian. If it is going to work I will have to be somewhat guarded and I know it won't be easy. I explain to Kate that I went out with Jacob twice and how I had a good time, but there was no spark. Then I give her the news that Christian has been in New York pursuing me. I start from the beginning with the gifts and give every detail up to our date yesterday. I portray how different he has been. I don't explain in detail why he threw me out in the first place I merely state that he reacted badly due to past insecurities. Kate would flip out if she knew about the details of Elena and Charlotte.

_"Well Ana, from what you say Christian is really trying to make amends. I don't blame you for having reservations. I have to admit I am not the best when it comes to making wise decisions in relationships. You know me Ana. I would have caved with the first gift because I am a hopeless romantic. I do know you and I know that you are very stubborn. I would say do what makes you comfortable. Make the decisions as they present themselves and don't over think everything. That may be the totally wrong advice, but I can tell you have deep feelings for Christian and as hard as you have tried to ignore them or push them away they keeping popping up. If he hurts you again, I may do something rash so let's just hope that doesn't happen."_

"Thanks Kate. I can always count on you to be straight with me. I really wish you were here."

_"Me too! I could show you the ropes of the city. Good Luck with Christian, stay strong. If he loves you like he says then you guys can come out stronger than ever."_

"I'll call you in a couple of days. Thanks Kate, I love you.

_"Love you too, Steele. Take care of yourself."_

We hang up and I get ready for bed. The phone rings at 2 am. Who in the hell could that be? I scramble for the phone knocking over my alarm clock. I can't even get my eyes to focus enough to see who it might be.

"Hello," I say in a sleepy voice.

**"Hey, I'm sorry to wake you. I just wanted to make sure you got my message. I am sorry I left suddenly. I called you the minute I got off the phone with Ros. I figured you were already out with Jacob, but I just couldn't leave without trying to speak with you first. I really didn't want to go, but Ros has been trying to hold off some Korean business men until I was back in Seattle permanently. They showed up this morning at GEH and refused to work with anyone but me. Normally I wouldn't cave to such demands, but I have been working on this account for the last year and it could be costly if we lost it."**

"Thank you for letting me know and not just disappearing. I have to admit I wasn't expecting an explanation, but I am glad you decided to call again and share. Communication is the key to earning my trust. Do you have any idea when you might be able to make it back?"

**"I am hoping to wrap this up tomorrow and be there for the weekend. I will let you know though."**

"Great I have something I want to discuss when you get back."

**"I will do my best to get to you soon. I miss you already. I know we haven't spent much time together in New York, but it is comforting to me that you are right across the street. I don't like this many miles between us and I will close the gap as quickly as possible. Now get some sleep. I'll see you soon."**

I hang up and quickly drift off to dreams in Christian's arms. Friday is a typical workday. Conner invites me over to his place. He is having a few friends to hang out. This sounds great to me. I have been going out every night this week and a relaxed night with friends sounds great. I decide to go home first to change and have Joe drop me by on his way home. I haven't heard from Christian today and I assume he is drowning in meetings and negotiations. He said he would let me know when he left to come back so I am sure I will hear from him soon. I arrive at Conner's after 8 pm. I am relieved when there are only 6 people including me. I was a little nervous that this might turn into a full out party. Jacob is in attendance and I am surprised to see him. I figured he would have a gig since it is Friday night.

"Hey, you aren't playing tonight?"

_"No, since we played during the week we are taking tonight off. I am glad to see you," he says touching my hand._

I jerk back, not because I feel something for him. I have made an emotional commitment to Christian and I feel like I am betraying him by allowing Jacob to touch me.

He looks confused. _"Is anything wrong Ana?"_

"I am sorry Jacob. I have had a great time with you over the last week. However, I am still in love with someone and it wouldn't be fair to you or him to make you believe we could be more."

_"I understand and I appreciate you telling me. I really enjoy being with you, but I will not force myself upon you. You say you love him. I hope he feels the same about you. You are very special Ana and you deserve to be treated as such." He reaches out and shakes my hand. "Friends?"_

"Friends," I say. "Thanks for understanding. I really wasn't sure how I felt about him or how he felt about me when I came to New York. Recently things have improved and I really feel like I need to give it a shot. Thanks for being so kind. I will always consider you a friend."

Thankfully the rest of the night is not awkward at all. Jacob is a good guy and I sincerely hope he finds someone that will appreciate him. About 1 am I decide I am beat and grab a cab home. I am relieved to have that behind me with no fall out. Now I just have to figure out how to let Christian know I want to move forward without him going from 0 to 60 in 5.6 seconds. We have to take this slow. I don't want to lose myself in him again. I need a plan.


	48. Chapter 47

Thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 47

**Friday goes by slowly. It is hard to for me to temper my frustration toward these men who have taken me 2800 miles away from Ana. Somehow I keep my cool and wrap everything up by 6 pm. The earliest the jet will be ready is 9 pm. I check-in with Taylor and decide to have a last minute dinner with John. I haven't spoken to him at all this week. After my conversation with Ana last night I want to be more prepared for whatever she would like to discuss. My hopes are high. **

_"What is your plan if she decides to date Jacob exclusively? You need to be prepared for the worst."_

**"That is not an option. I will continue to try to win her back no matter who she decides to date. I am not sure how I will go about it yet, but if she is letting me go I guess you and I will have a lot more to discuss."**

_"Okay, I know you are not easily deterred. Let's discuss what you are planning to do if she decides she wants you. Are you going to take back control or are you going to let her set the terms?"_

**"I know what the old Christian would do. He would want complete control. I don't want to be him anymore. I want Ana more than I want control."**

_"Well it looks to me like she has done wonders for you. I have never seen you more relaxed. You have no control with Ana lately and yet you have peace like I have never seen in you Christian. Good Luck and remember I am here whenever you need me."_

**We stand, shake hands and I exit to make my way to the airport. We leave right at 9 pm which should put me in NYC at 6 am. I decide not to call Ana tonight, but just surprise her in the morning after I arrive. **

I finally fall into bed at 4 am. Tomorrow is Saturday and I could not be more grateful to be able to sleep in a bit. The weather is supposed to be wonderful so maybe some time in the park is in my future. I am curious when Christian will make it back to town? Yes, time in the park will help me gather my thoughts and how I wish to express them to Christian. My phone dings at 6:30 am with a text from Christian.

**Just landed. Let's do breakfast. I'll pick you up in an hour.**

So much for sleeping in, I am sure I look like complete hell. I am going to need this entire hour to make myself look half way presentable. Damn it. I wanted more time. I try to remember Kate's advice. Don't over think it, do what feels right. After trying my best to tame my hair and cover the dark circles under my eyes I throw on a dress. I decide to go down stairs and catch him outside. When I step out the warm sun hits me. I bask in it for a few minutes allowing my body to soak it in hoping it will give me some much needed energy. I spot Christian crossing the street. Does he always look like a Greek god? It really isn't fair. I worked on myself for an hour and this is the best I could do. He probably flew all night and he looks fresh and HOT!

"You promised to call when you were headed back," I say when he approaches.

**"I just wanted to surprise you. I really wanted to just to show up at your door, but I decided against that. I want to be on your good side today." He smiles.**

"What's the plan?"

**"What do you mean?"**

"You mentioned breakfast. Where are we eating, Mr. Grey?"

**"Well Miss Steele I was thinking of just grabbing a bagel and some coffee and maybe taking a walk in the park. Do you feel up to that?"**

"I had already made mental plans of spending some time there today, but that was when I thought I would get more than an hours sleep."

**"What the hell. Why have you only had an hours sleep? You have to take care of yourself Ana. You are going to make yourself sick." I stop, realizing that I was lecturing and letting my controlling nature get the better of me. "I'm sorry. I know it is none of my business. I do worry about your well-being Ana and it is hard for me to keep my opinions on that matter to myself."**

I laugh out loud. I am not sure if I am just delirious from a lack of proper sleep, but his words strike me funny. First, he is controlling Christian. The man I am accustomed to bantering with and then he turns immediately into the complete opposite. He is afraid to offend me. What have I done to this man? I am suddenly sad, reaching up I touch his face looking directly into his eyes.

"I am sorry Christian."

**"Sorry for what, Ana? What are you trying to tell me? Are you leaving me Ana? Please don't leave me. I will do anything you want."**

"Christian, please. I don't want you to do anything I want. I want you to be you. I want you to communicate your every thought, to share your every dream, to trust me with everything."

**"I can do that Ana. You have me, all of me. Just please don't leave me."**

I place my lips on his. The kiss is soft and chaste with an underlying hint of raw passion. As I pull my lips away I whisper.

"I choose you."

He looks at me confused. I can tell it is taking his mind a minute to process my words. So I say them again.

"Christian, I choose you. I want to make a go of us. I want to…."

Before I finish my sentence he wraps me in a tight embrace and kisses me with such force that is literally takes away my breath. God, I have missed this. What I feel with Christian is definitely more than a spark. Even with everything that has happened it is still there. The inferno burns strong. I allow myself to be lost in his kiss. My mind clear of all cares. Any concerns that I had minutes ago are erased in the moment. He pulls back looks at me. The tears in his eyes threaten to fall as he speaks.

**"You have just made me the happiest man on earth. I promise you that from this day forward there will be no greater purpose in my life than your happiness."**

"Let's get breakfast. There are few things I wish to discuss. I hope that you will still feel this way after."

**"Ok, but nothing you say will change my mind." He kisses my hand as we walk.**


	49. Chapter 48

Thanks again for all the positive reviews.

Chapter 48

**"Well now that we have eaten, what was it that you wanted to discuss?" I have a smile plastered on my face. I may be like this permanently. I have never known such happiness.**

"Well I wanted to lay some ground rules. A verbal contract so to speak."

**"Okay, what are your terms?"**

"I want terms that will benefit us both. The most important is communication and honesty. No matter how trivial, we have to feel free to express our thoughts and concerns. This means that if you feel the need to take control you voice it, however, it also means that I can express if I don't feel comfortable with it and somehow we will come to a compromise. It is important that we don't change who we are. As much as I love the new calm, romantic and self-controlled you, I also miss your take charge self. Likewise, I don't want to be fearful that at any moment I may be kicked to the curb."

**"Ok. I can do that. What else?"**

"I need to have the freedom to have friends. Hang out with those friends. Do things that I love, like going to readings and seeing local bands. I would love if you would join me in these activities. I want to share my world with you just as you shared flying and sailing with me. I understand if these are not things you enjoy and I won't force you to attend. I won't stop doing them though."

**"Ana the most important thing to me is being with you. I have never done the things that you speak of so I don't know if I will like them or not. I know that I will enjoy seeing you happy and that is all that matters."**

"We agree to only to have a maximum of 3 overnight stays together. It is important, just as it was in Seattle that I have a regular routine. I need to perform well at work and I also would like to keep some mystery between us. We are just 2 people in love but dating. Only couples who live together spend every night in each other's bed. I am not quite ready for that kind of relationship."

**"I will agree to this term only if I can at least speak to you morning and night on the days that I am not with you and we can have unlimited emails and text between us."**

"I can accept that. This is what I mean. I want this to be a negotiation that benefits each of us. One more thing, it may seem ridiculous and a bit extreme, but I want you to always wear a condom during sex. I don't want any more scares or misunderstandings in this area. I will continue on the pill, but the double precaution will help my piece of mind. I am in no way ready to be a mother even if having your children one day does thrill me a bit."

**"Understood and accepted. I was afraid you were going to say we couldn't have sex at all. That may have been a deal breaker. You know how much I love your body. In fact, I was just thinking how about we go back to my place and celebrate a successful negotiation?" I say with a smirk.**

"Why Mr. Grey, you have a very convincing argument. However, if you recall I have had 1 hour of sleep and there is no way my body could handle your love right now. Can we compromise? I promise to stay the night with you tonight if you allow me to go home and take a long nap. I would like to have dinner with you tonight, something close and casual. I just want to spend some quality time with you. Also, don't forget to pick up some protection, that one is not negotiable." I wink as we make our way back to my place.

**"Man, I really should hire you at GEH. I could use a ruthless negotiator in my corner. I look forward to tonight. I will pick you up at 6 pm. Until then please get some rest and know that you are missed." **

**I lean in and kiss her. I want her to have a small taste of what awaits her tonight. I can tell that the kiss has its desired effect. She moans into my mouth and her hands start working through my hair. I push back and smile.**

**"6 o'clock. I will see you then," I say as I turn to leave.**

Watching him walk away I know I am in big trouble tonight. I had almost forgotten how much my body missed him. For the first time in a month I feel settled and at peace. I am looking forward to building a healthy relationship with the man that I love. I make my way to bed. Sleep finds me fast. I am so tired I don't even dream. I wake up feeling well rested. I glance at the clock, 4pm. I had been asleep a little over 7 hours. This gives me 2 hours to look my best for Christian. I take every last minute, grooming, primping and applying with care. What if he decides it's not as good as he remembered? Maybe the chase was all that kept him coming back? Now that he has me will he lose interest? Kate's voice breaks my negative thoughts. Don't over think it Steele! I know she is right. I am my own worst enemy and I have to give this a fair shot. Christian arrives at 6 sharp.

**"How do you feel about pizza?"**

"Awesome, I haven't had New York style pizza yet."

We go to John's Pizzeria off 64th. Again I let Christian order. He has great taste in food so I know I won't be disappointed. We eat pizza, drink beer and chat casually.

"I really like this side of you. Can he play more often?"

**"Funny Miss Steele, I am actually enjoying myself as well. You have opened my eyes to a life I never imagined I would like."**

We both decide to walk back to his place. Strolling hand in hand with no random security around is nice.

"You don't miss your extra appendage?" I smile.

**"Appendage?"**

"You know, Taylor. Is he still in Seattle or did you make him lock himself away for the night?"

**"You think you are funny huh?"**

"I know I am funny just like you know you have control issues, Mr. Grey."

**"Well Miss Steele, he is in Seattle. I had no need for him here. GEH has security in place in New York. For now there has been no reason to have them with me 24 hours a day. I am not just paranoid Ana. There is a reason I have security. I have real threats to my safety."**

"Really? All this time I thought you just liked having an entourage. You know to make you feel important," I can't keep a straight face. "I hope you know I'm just giving you a hard time. I just feel it is my calling to keep you grounded."

**"Oh I am sure you will take this calling very seriously. I love that you don't cater to me or fall at my feet. You have been a challenge since the day I met you and it is what drew me to you. I have realized that I need to be challenged and you are just the person for the job."**

We arrive in front of his apartment. He turns toward me, kisses my forehead and whispers, **"Now it is time for me to show you why I am perfect for you."**

"Lead the way Mr. Grey."


	50. Chapter 49

Thanks for the continued reviews.

Chapter 49

I follow him to the elevator. There is another passenger waiting to get in. So much for elevator sex, I am a little disappointed. Arriving at the correct floor we step off and enter the apartment. Christian immediately spins me toward him. The kiss gently and I can tell he is tempering his desire. I on the other hand want to rip his clothes off right here in foyer. I remember that he has a house keeper.

"Pauline?"

**"She doesn't work weekends. We are completely alone," he says, his lips never leave mine. **

Pulling in the hem of his t-shirt he reacts and helps me by taking it off. Seeing his chest my mind recalls the first time he allowed my hands to touch him. My fingers tremble at the thought. I look to him.

"Can I touch you?"

**"Yes please," he responds.**

**She reaches her hand and tenderly glides her fingertips across my chest, down my arms and over my abs. What used to create fear, Ana has made so pleasurable I let out a moan. This encourages her and she continues caressing me with her hands and then trails it with kisses. I have waited over a month to have her again. My desire for her is proving too much. I want to rip her clothes off and take her right here. I also want to enjoy every moment letting her have her way with me. She suddenly unbuttons my pants and she pushes them to the floor. She drops to her knees and takes me in her mouth.**

**"Oh God, Ana, you don't have to do this. Oh God."**

"Shhh!" I look up through my lashes. "I want to." I continue.

After a few minutes he lift me up.

**"Thank you, but I don't want to finish like that. Let's go to the bedroom. It's my turn."**

"Oh!" He leaves his clothes lying on the floor and I follow him to the bedroom. He rips my dress off and I simultaneously slip off my sandals. His hand reaches around and unhooks my bra. I let it slip off my shoulders to the floor. Christian's hand cups one of my breasts while the other grabs my ass. I can tell he is no longer holding back his desire as his lips crash on mine. I match every move. We are like a puzzle coming together for the first time. There is no awkwardness or missteps. Somehow every move he makes my body naturally reacts and he is spurred on. We move toward the bed and he lays me down gently. Hovering over me he speaks.

**"You are so beautiful. I have missed this more than you can imagine."**

"Funny I was afraid it wouldn't be as wonderful for you after all the time apart."

**"You are wrong it is so much better. I know now what I stand to lose." **

**I lean down and kiss her lips again, then move to her neck and down her stomach. She groans, encouraging my assault. I will never get tired of this. Working my way down I place my mouth on her sex. She is wet and ready. I work over her clit as I fuck her with my fingers. Her body begins to squirm and I know she is close. As she reaches her apex I pick up my pace. I feel her body clinch and she releases letting my name roll off her tongue in a half scream, half moan. Nope never a disappointment I think as I rise up and search her eyes.**

He enters me never taking his eyes off of mine. I decide to make a move. I place one leg around his leg and maneuver my body to roll him over as I end up on top with him still inside me.

"I want to touch you and see you like you get to see me."

**"Always full of surprises Miss Steele."**

I start moving my hips slowly at first and then pick up my pace as he spurs me on. My hands rest on his chest and our eyes are locked. God he is so gorgeous. I love it when he looks at me that way, like he will never get tired of seeing me. I feel so beautiful in this moment.

**Her hands on my chest feel so natural. In fact, I quite like this position. It allows her to touch me and I can see all of her. As the pace picks up I feel her body preparing for climax. After the build-up we release in the same moment. She drops her head on my chest and I stroke her back. We wait for our breathing to level out.**

**"How about a bath?"**

"Yes please."

**I run the bath and get in, encouraging her to enter with me. We bathe and talk until the water is chilly. The rest of the night is spent worshipping each other for hours until we fall asleep exhausted from the nights activities.**

I wake up still wrapped in Christian's arms. My head on his chest and our legs intertwined. He is sleeping peacefully so I just lie still not wanting to wake him just yet. What was I thinking saying we could only wake up together 3 days a week? I will miss him, but I know that is exactly what we both need. We need to miss each other a little. It will make moments like these more special.

**"Hey, how long have you been awake?" I say trying to focus my eyes.**

"Not too long. I was just enjoying watching you sleep."

**"Well, you know you could see me sleep every night if you wanted to negotiate your 3 day a week rule."**

"Not gonna happen Grey. I roll off of him, realizing I really need to pee."

I grab a t-shirt out of the drawer, place it over my head and go to the bathroom. When I return Christian is sitting on the edge of the bed still naked. I walk over and place a kiss on his forehead.

"Let's get some breakfast or I can cook. What would you prefer?"

**"I've missed you in my kitchen. Do you mind? I would really like a lazy day of just enjoying each other."**

"Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. You can help me."


	51. Chapter 50

Sorry this is short. I have plans and wanted to post tonight. I know I failed to address detail the condom being used. We will assume he stuck to the rules. If and when they decide not to use them I will detail that. Also I have to start a new story because I have reached my limit on storage with this one. On Chapter 51 please look for Fifty Shades of Fate: 2

Chapter 50

Sunday is amazing. We spend the whole day lounging around. I share my favorite movies growing up and Christian is such a good sport he humors me by agreeing to watch one each week together. I admit that I loved the Harry Potter series. I read every book as soon as it was released and saw each movie on opening night. I drew the line at dressing up in character. I consider myself a nerd to the core. Books have always been my obsession and though I thrive on the classics, I was 7 years old when the first book was released and my tastes were not as refined then. I spent my entire childhood reading that series and I am not ashamed to love the movies as well. What Christian will think of them remains to be seen; he doesn't strike me as the type to enjoy such things, but he agreed and so will have to suffer if necessary. We watch _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_ today. He seems to enjoy it okay. He's not over the top excited about it, but I really don't expect him to be. I have memories attached to the film, but I hope he will learn to appreciate some of the things that I love.

"You hated it didn't you," I say as the credits roll.

**"Not at all, I am sure I would have loved it more as a kid. It was pretty good. I can't remember the last time I sat and watched a movie. I truly enjoyed watching you. I can tell that it brings back good memories for you and it means so much that you would share it with me. How many movies are there in the series?"**

"Eight, but I won't make you watch all of them."

**"No I want to. I can tell you love them so I want to watch them with you."**

"My stuff is not near as exciting as flying and sailing, sorry.

**"Really Ana I love that you want me to know everything about you. Honestly I wish I had such innocent memories from childhood. I regret not being more normal."**

"Oh Christian, I'm sorry that is not what I was saying at all. You have lived such an exciting life, full of adventures and I just assumed that mine would seem well boring. I don't want you to be normal. I am sure I would not have been nearly as drawn to you if you had been run of the mill. In fact, I always wonder what in the world about me caught your attention. You could have had anyone in the world and yet here you are with me."

**"You sell yourself short Miss Steele. You are anything, but boring. I have never met another woman who willingly spoke her mind to me. Most women are just interested in what I can give them. You on the other hand ask nothing from me and yet give me all of you. I wish I had seen that clearly before I went and screwed everything up."**

"What if I get pregnant? I know we are being cautious with double contraception, but nothing is certain. What will you do if it happens?"

**"Well, I guess I would discuss that with you. I will do what you want to do. We will just navigate those waters if they happen. I can't promise I won't be scared or lose my temper, but I hope I won't react like I did last time. I also hope you won't hide anything from me. Trust has to go both ways Ana. You need to trust me enough to discuss things with me. I want to know when you are upset, frustrated, or scared. In kind I promise to express myself freely. I would really like it if you would talk to Flynn. I think he could help us both understand one another better. Honestly, had it not been for him I may have buried myself back into the life I had before you."**

"Do you miss it?"

**"At times I miss the control of it all. I won't lie. It was how I made my world predictable. I was untouchable. No one could hurt me in that bubble. However, I also didn't realize how much I was missing. Not until I met you, did I think that love was worth anything. With you I have found that it is worth everything. I would be content to always have you and never have sexual dominance like that again."**

"What if you change your mind? What if down the line you miss it more than you love me?"

**"Well I think that is impossible. If for some reason I feel any urges sneaking in I promise to discuss it with you and we can come up with a plan. Give and take right? Please don't worry about that Ana. I really don't see that being an issue."**

"I hope not. I won't let you hit me again, EVER."

**"Honestly, I have no desire to punish you in that way. I couldn't live with myself if I physically hurt you. I had always seen it as a release for dealing with my anger toward my birth mother. Now I know that is not an effective way to deal with those feelings. You made me see that Ana, you alone."**

"I do like how we are communicating right now. Maybe there is hope for us yet," I wink. "Let's promise to not dwell on the past, but always have an open line of communication. I want to start fresh, Christian. I don't want to worry about all the what if's."

**"Deal." I lean in a kiss her neck then I grab her and place her on my lap. We snuggle and watch the next Harry Potter movie. I figure if I am going to watch 8 of them we may have to do 2 per week. Really I do like them. They are not cinema genius, but they are decent. Ana loves them and I love Ana.**


	52. Chapter 51

No need to start a new story. This is my first fanfiction and I didn't realize that I needed to delete the documents as I added them to the story. Carry on with the original Fifty Shades of Fate.

Chapter 51

Sunday night I somehow break away and go home. Monday I have to help Kelly with interviews for a new editor. She is hoping to find someone permanent in the next two weeks. We have discussed that I would be required to stay in New York until everyone feels comfortable enough for me to return to Seattle. I am estimating that I may be here for another month. I have another month to build this new and better relationship with Christian without lots of exterior forces interfering.

Monday morning Christian meets me at the car where Joe is waiting to drive me to work.

**"Hey I missed you this morning. I just wanted to see you off," I kiss her and then open the car door.**

"I missed you too and thanks for the send-off. I'll see you later Mr. Grey," I get in the car. He closes the door and I watch him until he is out of sight.

Kelly lines up interviews back to back for most of the day. I work through lunch. We are both becoming less hopeful at finding the perfect fit. We decide to break off early. I haven't been at my desk all day. Before I shut down the computer I check my emails. There are 10 from Christian. They start off sweet and I can tell by the last one he is extremely frustrated that I haven't responded. I decide to call him. Looking at my phone I notice 2 missed calls. I call him. He answers on the 2nd ring.

**"Where the hell have you been all day? I have emailed you several times today with no response. I was getting worried. I even called twice."**

"I know I am so sorry. Kelly had me doing interviews with her all day and I just had a chance to check emails. I worked through lunch even." The second the words leave my mouth I know his reaction will not be good.

**"Ana, damn it you have to eat. You need to tell Kelly that she is required to give you a lunch break. I am going to bring you something to eat right now."**

"Christian, calm down please. I know how you feel about my not eating and it wasn't Kelly who chose to work through lunch it was me. Now before you go fifty shades of crazy on me, I ate a very large breakfast and I wasn't hungry. I will let you pick me up and take me to eat now, if you aren't too busy. Kelly and I decided to take the rest of the day."

**"Fair enough Ana, but please try to eat regularly. As a matter of fact, I got done about an hour ago and I was just tying up some loose ends. It will take me about 30 minutes to get to you."**

"Sounds good Mr. Grey, I'll see you then."

We decide to grab some Chinese take-out and go back to his place. I am not comfortable having him spend time at the Williams' apartment. It seems odd to me to have my boyfriend to my boss's home. Jacob calls at 4 pm. I decide to answer.

"Hey Jacob, how are you," I can see the concern in Christian's face.

_"I'm good. I was wondering if you were with Kelly. I was trying to call her and she isn't answering. I tried Conner, but he said he called in today."_

"Actually, I am not at work. Kelly and I spent all morning conducting interviews and decided to leave early. I left her at the office about 45 minutes ago. Did you call the office?"

_"I did. It isn't like her to not answer. Usually if she is busy or on another call she just shoots me a text that she will call me later."_

"Well, should I go back and make sure everything is okay? It will take me some time to get there since we all know traffic is a disaster this time of day. "

_"No Ana, I live closer than you. I'll run over and make sure everything is good. I just wanted to check with you before I got too paranoid."_

"Please let me know when you track her down. I mean it. I will be worried until I hear she is fine."

_"I'll at least text you either way. Sorry to bother you."_

"No bother, she is my friend too and I would have done the same thing."

We say our goodbyes and I turn to see Christian doing his best to control his anger. I know it is jealousy getting the best of him so I will approach this conversation with care.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

**"Why was he calling you?"**

"Christian, please. He was looking for Kelly."

**"And you're his first phone call."**

"Actually, I was his last. He had already tried her brother, who mentioned she was with me today. What are you worried about?"

**"I don't like him calling you."**

"Noted. However, we have mutual friends and honestly I consider him a friend so that may not be possible."

**"I am trying here. I really wanted to rip the phone from your hand and tell him forget your number."**

"Well, I am certainly glad you didn't do that." I can't help but smile.

**"Why is this so damn funny to you?"**

"You are just cute. I love that you have a little jealous streak where I am concerned."

**"He's lucky I let you go on 2 dates with him without doing any physical harm."**

"Oh, so now you "let me" date him. Funny, I thought I had made the decision to date Jacob. I don't remember asking your permission. In fact, it was I who told you how it was going to go down," my frustration is getting the best of me.

**"Well Ana, you have made your decision now and I don't want you to speak to him any longer. This is not negotiable. His intentions are to steal you from me."**

"Oh, Mr. Grey you are mistaken. You are not in a position to demand such things from me. We agreed to discuss and you are not discussing anything you are demanding. You do not know Jacob. I can understand that with people like Charlotte and Elena in your life you would think that everyone is out for their own good. Let me just inform you that not everyone is selfish. The fact is I told Jacob about you. I told him how much I loved you and that I needed to give us a shot. He did nothing but shake my hand and wish us the best. He is not out to get you Christian. You may not trust him, but I wish you would trust me. I am going to go home and give you some time to think. We can discuss this tomorrow. I am too exhausted mentally to do this right now."

I walk to him kiss him on the cheek. He grabs my hand and holds it so I can't go.

**"You told him the truth."**

"Yes why would that surprise you? He deserved to know that I wasn't leaving any doors open for him. He is a friend, nothing more. Honestly I knew that the entire time. I just wasn't ready to let my heart lead the way."

**"I love you, Ana. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met and I feel privileged that you can put up with me and my fifty shades. I can't promise that I won't be jealous. I can promise to trust you. Now don't leave. You aren't even done with your meal."**

"Okay, I will stay, but no more talk of this today. Please." I kiss his lips.

**"I promise."**

About an hour later I get a text from Jacob.

Found Kelly. She's fine. I'll fill you in later. We have a show on Friday, bring your friend I would love to meet the lucky man that won your heart.

I show the text to Christian with a smile on my face.

"See. Wanna go? I kind of want him to meet you too."

**"If you want to go, then I will go." **

"Thank you Mr. Grey. You won't regret it."

I straddle him in the dining room chair and begin kissing his neck.

"Why don't you take me to the bedroom, I am in the mood for some makeup sex."

**"Well Miss Steele aren't you full of surprises."**

He spends the next hour reminding me why it is impossible to mad at him.


	53. Chapter 52

Thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 52

I spend the next 3 nights at my place alone. Christian was busy with business on Tuesday and Wednesday night. I missed seeing him, but the interview process at work was taking a toll. I missed spending my days editing. Human Resources is definitely not my cup of tea. I spend those two nights alone resting my mind from work and my body from Christian. On Thursday, Christian and I have lunch at a deli around the corner from WP.

**"I have missed you this week. Without the calls and emails I may have gone out of my mind." he says.**

"Likewise. What would you say if I wanted to wake up next to you tomorrow morning?"

**"I would say I can't wait to get you in my bed."**

"Well, wait is what you will have to do. I have to help Kelly finish up the last 3 interviews this afternoon. How about I pick up some dinner and meet you at your place about 6:30."

**"6:30 – see you then."**

Finally, Kelly and I have narrowed down the prospective editors to 3. We decide to do a second interview with each next week. This will give me tomorrow to catch up with the projects I am working on. After this week I am certainly glad that we will not have to weed through anymore crappy candidates. It is amazing how a resume' can portray a completely different person than what you get in an interview.

_"Hey Ana, are you going to Jacob's gig tomorrow night?"_

"I thought Christian and I would make an appearance. Will you be there?"

_"Yes I wouldn't miss it. There is supposed to be a record executive there. Jacob mentioned that he really liked you and hated that you decided to stop seeing him."_

"I liked Jacob a lot, but more as a friend. There just wasn't a spark for me. I really hope it isn't awkward for you."

_"Not at all. You have to do what you have to do. I am looking forward to meeting Christian tonight. How does he feel about going? I know you mentioned Jacob to him before you got back together. Is it going to be weird for him?"_

"Oh I am sure it will be a little weird, but he trusts my judgment. I explained that Jacob had no ulterior motives and I really want him to spend time with my friends."

_"I know Jacob well enough to know he will respect your decision and will probably go out of his way to make Christian feel comfortable around him. Honestly, I wish I had felt something more for him. He is such a great catch. He always seems to end up in the friend zone. Someday he will find a girl that sees him the way he deserves."_

"Well I guess fate just hasn't played its hand for Jacob yet. See you tomorrow Kelly. Have a great night."

_"You too Ana," Kelly waives._

I hop in the car. I let Joe pick a take-out place then we head home. He drops me at Christian's.

"Hey Joe why don't you make it a long weekend, Mr. Grey's driver can take care of me."

_"Are you sure Ana?"_

I shake my head.

_"Well thanks. I'll see you bright and early Monday."_

He drives away to his family across the river. I go inside and take the elevator up to Christian. I knock and am greeted by Pauline.

"Hello, Pauline is Mr. Grey in?"

_"He hasn't made it home yet Miss Steele. Would you like to come in and wait?"_

"Sure. Thank you. Please call me Ana."

I walk in and go straight to the kitchen. I place the take-out on the counter and take a seat.

_"I could have made you dinner Ana."_

"I appreciate that maybe another evening."

_"Yes another evening."_

"Pauline, what time do you normally go home?"

_"Well I usually wait for Mr. Grey to come home so I can get him squared away. I have no one to go home to since my husband passed last year so I am happy to wait."_

"I am sorry for your loss. How long were you married?"

_"27 years. I was right about your age when we married. He had a long battle with cancer so when he went it was a relief to not have him suffering any longer. Not that I don't miss him. I miss him every day, but I am glad to know his pain is gone."_

"I understand. Do you have any children?"

_"No, we were never blessed with children. It was just us. We had thought about adopting several times, but the red tape and money required proved too difficult to overcome."_

"I see."

_"Please don't feel sorry for me. I had 27 wonderful years with a man I adored. We were best friends and I wouldn't trade it for the world."_

"I hope to be as lucky as you. It sounds like you had a great relationship."

_"We did. There were hard times of course. Those times proved to make us stronger. Love is not always easy, Ana, but it is always worth it."_

My phone dings. It's a text from Christian.

**Stuck on a conference call. I'll let you know when I leave. Please eat without me.**

Pauline sees my disappointment.

_"I assume Mr. Grey has been delayed."_

"Yes, a conference call. He asked me to eat without him. Please don't stay on my account."

_"I really don't mind. I have enjoyed our conversation. I would love to get to know you a little better. Like I said, I have no one waiting on my arrival home."_

We spend the next 2 hours chatting. Pauline is easy to talk to. She gives me lots of great life advice. At 8:30 she decides to go. I walk her down to the street and watch her walk toward the nearest subway station. I run across the street to grab an overnight bag. Christian calls before I can get back.

**"Did you decide not to stay?"**

"Not at all, I ran to get an overnight bag. I thought you were going to call before you left. I'll be right back."

**" I know I forgot then got stuck on the phone with Ros in the car. I missed not having dinner with you. I am starved is there any left?"**

"Yes, I put it in the refrigerator. Just give me a minute and I will warm it up for you. I would love to chat while you eat."

I throw some stuff in a bag and rush back over. He greets me with a long hug and a tender kiss. I could get used to this. I warm up the food for him and join him at the table with a cup of hot tea.

"How was your day, other than long?"

**"Good, I got a lot accomplished. I just sorry it kept me from you."**

"I know how busy you are and besides Pauline kept me company."

**"She did? You have a way of making friends with the help."**

"Christian, they are people doing a job, not help. Obviously we were raised in different worlds. I have never had someone other than my own parents clean up after me. The thought is so foreign. I understand that you are used to having people dote on you, but I hope you understand that I may never fully embrace it."

**"Well what exactly did you two talk about?"**

"Did you know she lost her husband last year to cancer?"

**"I did."**

"Did you know that they have no children and she tries to wait until you come home every night because she has no one to go home to?"

**"I had no idea. I only see her twice a year for a couple of months. I employee her full time, but she is only required to check on the apartment occasionally and then be here full time when I am in town. Does she seem unhappy?"**

"Are you starting to care about "the help"?"

**"I do care about everyone that works for me. I want to make sure they are happy with their employment."**

"She didn't seem unhappy, maybe a little lonely. She mentioned a sister that lives in Florida. Maybe you could send her to visit a few times a year."

**"That's a great idea. You never cease to amaze me. Pauline has worked for me for 10 years and you know more about her in 2 hours."**

"I just like people. I like to know what makes them tick. Honestly she gave me some great advice. She is a very wise woman. Maybe you should open yourself to others more. I think you will be amazed at how much faith you will gain in your fellow human."

**"I don't know about all of that."**

"Always the pessimist, Mr. Grey."

**"I have a feeling you have half a mind to change that."**

"I don't want to change you Christian I just want to open your world a bit."

**"I would definitely say you have already done that."**

"I'll take that as a compliment, Mr. Grey."

I take his plate and go to the kitchen to clean up any mess left out. He follows me wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck.

"You may want to stop doing that or I'll make you take me right here against the counter."

**"I aim to please Miss Steele."**

"Protection?" I ask has his lips meet my collar bone.

**"I carry a few with me at all times. I always hopeful for moments like these."**

"Good to know Mr. Grey. I am sure I can accommodate that request."

With that he sets me on the counter while he prepares himself. Once his pants are down and the condom is in place he pulls up my dress rips my panties from my body. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist while he slides into me.

"Yes," I say as his hips thrust forward.

I am pinned between his body and the counter top. It doesn't take long for me to feel my body begin to tense. Christian picks up his pace when I dig my nails in his back. Our breathing is erratic. Between breaths we both grunt and moan. Our lips hungrily search each other. There is nothing but primal lust between us and it is magnificent. Suddenly, my orgasm hits hard. I dig my nails deeper into his back. Later I will be grateful he is still wearing his shirt or I may have drawn blood. Just as I am coming down he begins to rise which only encourages my pleasure to rise once again. When we are both completely satisfied he kisses me. He removes himself from me and sets my feet to the ground.

"Well that was fun." I say before he exits to go clean up.

**"Yes it was." He winks.**

I finish up the kitchen and then head to the bedroom. Christian is in the shower when I enter the bathroom. As much as I want a repeat I will not go against my 2 forms of contraception rule. This may be one I give into sooner than any of the others. Note to self. Research other contraceptive options. We get washed up and ready for bed. I enjoy lying in his arms talking before we both fall asleep.


	54. Chapter 53

Thanks for reading. Keep reviewing.

Chapter 53

The next morning I am surprised when call from Kate that interrupts my peaceful dreams.

"Why are you up so early? Is everything okay?" It has to be about 4 am in Seattle I think to myself.

_"I've been up all night. Sorry to wake you, but I didn't know if you wanted us to come to your place or Christian's."_

"What, why would you be asking me that…Are you here, you're kidding right?"

_"No joke, Mia and I decided to surprise you. I haven't seen you in over a month and honestly it was a good excuse to come shopping."_

"Where are you right now," I say sitting up in bed. Christian is slowly coming to and looks inquisitively at me.

_"We are getting in a cab and headed your way."_

"I'll meet you at my place. There is plenty of room for you there. I can't believe you are here."

I hang up and explain to Christian what is going on. He doesn't seem as happy as I am.

"Are you mad they are here?" I ask.

**"Not mad, I know you've missed Kate. Maybe a little disappointed. I just got you back and now I will have to share all weekend."**

"I tell you what. I will get them settled and promise to spend every night this weekend in your bed. I am sure if they need something I can just run across the street and accommodate them."

**"You don't have to do that. I want you to spend time with Kate. I can have you back on Monday."**

"That is very unselfish of you, Mr. Grey. You aren't getting out of going with me tonight."

**"You know me too well."**

"You will have fun I promise. Now I am going to get a quick shower and meet Kate across the street."

I give him a quick kiss and hop in the shower. I make it outside just as the cab is pulling up. Kate and Mia jump out of the car and greet me with hugs.

"I can't believe you are both actually here. How long have you been planning this?"

_"Honestly, we just decided 2 days ago. Mia and I were talking about making plans this weekend and we had the great idea to just hop on a plane and come see you. I hope we didn't mess up any plans that you have."_

"Well, you know Christian he is not thrilled about sharing, but he is being a good sport. You can just join us tonight. We are meeting some friends to see Jacob's band tonight."

_"You convinced Christian to see Jacob's band? Wow! He really loves you Steele."_

I just smile and head to the elevator. Mia and Kate find their desired rooms and deposit their things. I call Kelly.

"Hey, it's Ana. My friends from Seattle surprised me this morning. I was curious if it would be a problem to take today off?"

_"That is awesome. I would be upset if you came in. Are you going to bring them tonight?"_

"I was planning on it. Do you think it will be a problem?"

_"Not at all, I know everyone would love to meet them. Have a great day and I'll see you tonight."_

"Thanks Kelly. See you tonight." I hang up and give the news to the girls.

Kate immediately starts planning our day, which includes lots of shopping. I call Joe to see if he is up to a busy day in the city. He is more than willing to drive us around. Before I know it we are headed out.

"Hey, you guys wait in the car for me. I want to run up and say bye to Christian before he heads to the office."

I quickly bolt across the street, take the elevator and knock on the door. It's still too early for Pauline to have arrived. I wait a few minutes and knock again. Christian opens the door in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

"If I didn't have your sister and Kate downstairs waiting for me I would make you show me what's under that towel."

**"They can wait," he drops it to the floor.**

Damn how I wish I could take his offer.

"Shit Christian, you know I don't have time. They are literally waiting the car. I will give you a rain check. I just wanted to make sure I said bye and let you know my plan for the day." I make sure to look directly in his eyes. I know if I look elsewhere I will give in.

**"You are really going to turn me down." I lean in and kiss her lips.**

"Please, you have to know how hard I am trying to control myself. I promise to make it up to you. How about we take a separate car to the concert tonight?" I raise my eyebrows.

He raises his eyebrows, understanding what I am getting at.

**"Okay, I'll stop harassing you, for now!"**

I give him a quick peck, "I'll see you later Mr. Grey." I turn to leave.

**"Yes you will Miss Steele. I am looking forward to it. Have fun today."**

As I step into the car Kate teases me.

_"Did you give him a quickie to hold him for the day?" she says._

**_"Yuck, that is my brother. I really don't want details about your sex life. I am glad you are back together, but please no details." Mia exclaims._**

"Trust me Mia, I will not be sharing. Kate likes to say things just to embarrass me. She doesn't get details either. Now let's talk about what we are planning on doing for breakfast."

_"You just let me handle today. I want to take you to all of my favorite places. I have already made a plan with Joe. Just sit back and enjoy."_

By the end of the day I am exhausted. I haven't shopped that much in the last year. Mia and Kate are two peas in a pod. I am certainly happy they have each other. I am also happy they both have unlimited funds, with their tastes they need it. Even if I don't always enjoy the same activities as Kate, I do love being with her. We have so much history together we could have fun with anything. I deposit Kate and Mia back at the apartment just after 3 pm. I have an appointment that has to be attended to at 4. Joe takes me and drops me. About an hour later I have one more stop then I arrive back home. The concert doesn't start until 10 so I have time to take a short nap. I text Christian letting him know I will meet him at his place a little after 8, then I lie down an get in a good hour of sleep. I feel much better when I wake.

Just as I promised I set up two cars for us. I meet Christian at his place around 8:15. Mia and Kate take the car ahead. I make a mental note that we have about 45 minutes depending on traffic. There is no time to spare. I close the privacy window between us and the driver.

"Well, I think I owe you a rain check Mr. Grey." I say facing him my legs straddled over his.

**"Yes, Miss Steele I believe you do."**

**I reach up under her skirt touching her bare skin.**

**"You are commando, Miss Steele."**

"I figured it would save a pair of underwear from being destroyed with your hands. Don't worry I brought a pair in my purse for afterward."

He massages my rear with one hand while his lips kiss the top of my breasts and then the other hand slides between my legs. He knows exactly how to move his fingers to make me respond. I make him stop before I climax.

"We don't have a lot of time. I would rather go together if you don't mind."

I unbutton his pants and help him slide them and his underwear down.

**"Get the condom out of my right pocket."**

"No need Mr. Grey. I have taken other precautions."

He looks at me confused.

"I'll explain when we are done. Just trust me," I slide onto him and we begin to move.

**"Dear God, you feel amazing. It is so much better without one."**

I just smile and pick up my pace. My hands grab his hair and squeeze trying to temper the urge to yell out his name. I bury my head into the crevice between his neck and shoulder. He speaks softly into my ear. Declaring his love, speaking of my beauty and all it does is remind me why I love him so much. His hot breath is such a turn on and I speed up again as my body tightens. We fall over the edge together. I slide off his lap and he takes out a handkerchief to help clean us both up. He attends to me first. I reach in my purse, get my panties and slide them on.

"I hope that lived up to your expectations?"

**"You never disappoint, Miss Steele." He kisses my knuckles and then holds my hand in his lap. "Now please explain the new precautions."**

"Do you remember last night when we showered together?"

**"Yes."**

"I really wanted to repeat our kitchen sex in the shower, but I knew that we didn't have any condoms available."

**"I would have left and gotten one had I known that."**

"We both know that would have ruined the moment. Anyway, I decide to do a little research. I found out that I could wear a diaphragm. It doesn't mean we will never have to use condoms, because I can only insert it 6 hours before and it cannot stay in place more than 24 hours. I figured it will ease my mind and allow us to be more spontaneous. Not to mention it apparently feels much better for you."

**"Ana, you didn't have to do that. I don't mind using protection. It is the least I can do to ease your mind."**

"I did it as much for me as for you. I want to be able to have sex and not always worry about stopping down to make sure we use protection. Plus there will still be times when you will need to use a condom so don't stop carrying them."

**"Thank you. It is so wonderful to feel you."**

He holds me in his arms until we arrive.


	55. Chapter 54

Thanks for reading...please continue to review. As always enjoys and leave your feedback.

Chapter 54

Both cars pull up at the same time. Christian steps out and comes to open my door. Kate and Mia are already waiting on the sidewalk. Christian walks over to both cars and tells each driver something. Kate stands just smirking at me. She whispers so no one else hears.

_"You had sex in the car on the way here. That is why you wanted to take 2 cars. Good for you Steele."_

"I have no idea what you are talking about Kate." I try to hide my smile as Christian makes his way toward us.

I hear my name and turn to see Kelly waiving us over. I wait for Christian to reach my side then we all walk together toward her. I make all the introductions and we go inside. Conner and Nathan are already seated and holding extra seats for all of us. I go through all the introductions again. Christian looks pleased about something. I remind myself to ask him what he is thinking later. We all sit and order drinks. Mia as usual is a chatter box. Kate and Kelly seem to be sizing each other up. I immediately break in bringing up subjects that I know they will both enjoy. After a few minutes they seem to be on friendlier terms. All I need is my 2 closest girlfriends to hate one another. I keep my hand on Christian leg. I don't want him to feel out of place. Surprisingly, Christian and Nathan hit it off. Nathan apparently has a mind for business and Christian seems to enjoy their conversation. It is like listening to a foreign language. I can tell Conner feels that same when he rolls his eyes. We both smile and engage Mia. Right at 10 Jacob and his band takes the stage.

_Mia leans in, "You know the singer?" she asks._

"I do. I even went on a couple of dates with him."

_"That's Jacob?"_

"Yes, that is Jacob."

_"No wonder Christian was jealous. He is Hot, Ana."_

"Would you like me to introduce you? He is also a really great guy."

_"That would be great. Thanks Ana!"_

I lean in a kiss Christian on the cheek. He continues with his conversation but gives my hand a squeeze. We sit and enjoy the music. Christian even comments about how good they are. I am glad he is having a good time. I literally could kiss Nathan on the lips. I think he was my saving grace tonight. He really helped break the ice with Christian. Maybe this will be the first of many outings as a couple with my friends. I cannot contain my smile. When the band wraps up their set, I see Jacob coming toward our table. Christian's body stiffens and I am nervous about how they will interact. Well I am concerned at how Christian will react. I trust that Jacob will be friendly as always. I lean into Christian to hoping he will see this as a reminder that I already chose him. I decide to be proactive and get the introductions out of the way.

"Jacob, I would like you to meet my boyfriend Christian." I feel Christian relax a little.

_"Nice to meet you Christian, thanks for coming out to check us out. What did you think?" Jacob says nonchalantly._

**"You guys have a great sound. Thanks for inviting us."**

I feel Christian completely relax. Thank God crisis averted. I introduce Mia and can instantly see the attraction between the two of them. I elbow Kelly, she smiles noticing the spark. I would have never put them together. They are equal in the looks department. They just have completely opposite personalities and interests. Kind of like Christian and I, funny I guess opposites do attract. I leave them to it. Leaning over I address Christian.

"Why don't you take me home Mr. Grey?"

**"I would like nothing better, Miss Steele."**

"Kate." She turns my direction. "Christian and I are going to leave. There is a car waiting for you outside when you are ready. I know Kelly and Conner will take good care of you. Take my key and make yourself at home. I will see you in the morning. Oh, and don't forget Mia."

We both glance over at her deep in conversation with Jacob.

_"Sure Ana. I'll see you in the morning." Kate says knowing that I will be staying at Christian's tonight._

Christian rises and pulls out my chair. We say goodbyes to everyone and make our way outside to the waiting car. Once we are both in car I engage him in conversation.

"Thanks for coming. I loved having you next to me all night."

**"I honestly had a nice time. Jacob's band is really good. You were right. He seems like a decent guy."**

"Can you say that again? I don't think I heard you correctly." He repeats his last words.

"I love that you see things for what they are. Did you notice Mia with Jacob? You definitely don't have to worry about Jacob pursuing me." I laugh.

**"Now I just have to hope he doesn't break my sister's heart."**

"I am sure Mia can take care of herself. She grew up with you and Elliot after all."

**"Touché Miss Steele." Christian says smiling widely.**

"I wanted to ask you why you were so pleased when you saw Conner."

**"I had seen him escort you home one evening, before you knew I was in town. He had kissed you on the cheek. I was happy to see that you are not his type, that's all."**

"Were you spying on me Mr. Grey? Stalking me? How very…you."

**"I wasn't spying. I just happened to be looking out the window at the moment you arrived."**

"Yes, you just happened to be looking out the window at that very moment, unbelievable. Did you follow me to work every morning too?"

**"Not every morning, just most mornings. I wanted to make sure you were safe."**

"Seriously? I was kidding. Oh my god you have serious stalking issues. How did you know where I was? Did you just happen to see me across the street one day or did you plan your entire trip to keep an eye on me?"

**"I knew where you were before I came to New York. I had business that needed to be done here so I saw it as a win-win."**

I stare at him. He is from another world. He lives in an alternate universe. I don't know why I am surprised. This is classic Christian. See what he wants, pursue and conquer.

**"Please Ana. It wasn't like what you are thinking. I was not trying to acquire you like a business. I was desperate. I had lost you, from my own stupid actions. Of course I wanted you back. I will admit that I fell into old habits to find you. However, once I found you my intentions were not to force you, but to win you."**

"Christian, I won't say I am not a little annoyed right now. I also won't say I'm upset that you went out of your way to find me. I don't agree with how you went about it, but your intentions are honorable. I have an understanding that your control issues will rear their ugly head from time to time. I will admit now that I won't always react kindly. I will promise to always hear you out. I want to make this work."

**"Thank you. I am trying to keep my control issues in check. You have to see that. I love you. I never thought that was possible before you. I am just a man with many flaws so please be patient with me."**

"God you know how to disarm me. I love you and all your flaws. Now let's go upstairs and you can make me forget I was ever mad at you."

**He wastes no time getting us out of the car and up to his place. I soon forget our entire conversation.**


	56. Chapter 55

Thanks for the reviews. I was curious about feedback on love scenes. I have to admit I think that EL James overdid it a bit. By the end of the first book it was all so predictable. I knew exactly what each session would include with few exceptions. I don't mind detailing it every time if that is what you all want. Feedback...thanks!

Chapter 55

The next morning I slip out of bed early. I want to make sure and be across the street before Mia and Kate are up. I make sure to leave a note for Christian.

Christian,

Heading over to make breakfast for Kate and Mia, join us if you would like. ; )

XO – Ana

I begin with making myself a cup of tea and a pot of coffee for everyone else. I made sure to tell Maria to stock the kitchen yesterday before she left for the weekend. I go way overboard making enough food for an army. I certainly hope Christian accepts my invite. Us girls will never put a dent in all this food. Just as I am finishing up Kate and Mia come wondering in.

"Hey sleepy heads, how was your night?" they both look hung-over holding their head in hands.

_"Ugh! Ana do you think you can lower your voice?" Kate says softly with squinted eyes._

"That good huh? Well sit down and start eating. I didn't slave in this kitchen for the last hour to have you turn up your noses."

**"****_Ana I couldn't possibly eat. I'll take some coffee." Mia looks miserable._**

"Really, I leave you two alone for a few hours and look what happens."

_"Seriously, this lecture from the same person who passed out at a club and woke up in a strange man's bed?"_

I can see the shock in Mia's face.

**_"Ana, you didn't?" Mia asks._**

"Damn you Kate! Mia don't listen to her. She's just trying to get a rise out of me."

I look over to Kate laughing uncontrollably.

**_"Spill it, obviously I am in the dark about something." Mia scowls._**

**I give her the cliff's notes version of the night at the club and how Christian took me to his place. Once I am done I think Mia is shocked at my confession of thinking I took the walk of shame. When she doesn't say a word after I complete the story I am confused.**

"That shocking, Mia. Somehow I figured you would find that story humorous."

**"There is nothing humorous about you having such disregard for your safety. Miss Steele." **

Shit he sounds irritated. I never signed an NDA, so technically I could have told Mia every detail. I chose not to mention my run in with Charlotte as I was leaving, knowing that would only raise more questions. I decide to change the subject. This is not something I want to get into with an audience present. Pick your battles Steele.

"Hey, I am glad you decided to join us. Since these two refuse to eat, you and I will have to tackle this."

I am relieved when he relaxes and comes over giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning." I smile up at him. Christian looks over at Mia and Kate and I know he cannot resist.

**"Wow you both look like hell."**

**_"Thanks big brother, you know how to make a girl feel good about herself." Mia strikes back._**

**"Well, how much did you drink? Maybe I shouldn't have left you alone. You are as bad as Ana with your safety."**

**_"I really don't know how I have survived traveling all over the world without you looking out for me." Mia's voice is laced with sarcasm._**

I have never heard them speak to each other this way. Mia adores Christian and she is usually so easy going. She must really feel like shit to let him get to her. I can see Christian in seething. I decide to stop this nonsense.

"Okay you two. Let's discuss what we are going to do today? I figured you would have some sort of plan, Kate."

_"Well I was going to do a bit more shopping, but the way I feel right now I think I just want to go back to bed."_

"Kate, you can't spend your entire weekend in bed. We are supposed to spend time together. Why don't we just stay in today? We can just stay in our jammies, relax and watch chick flicks."

Mia and Kate nod in acceptance. I can see that Christian wants no part of this plan.

I whisper in his ear, "Be a good sport. I will make it up to you tonight. Trust me they will go to bed early and we can have the entire evening to ourselves."

**"I'll finish breakfast and leave you ladies to it." He leans over and puts his arm around Mia. "Sorry sis for giving you such a hard time. I just worry about you."**

Mia smiles with surprised eyes.

**_"I forgive you Christian. Let's not fight. I rarely see you and when I do I don't want to spend it bickering." She wraps her arm around his waist and hugs him._**

I know that Mia is the one person Christian allows to touch him. I love that he allowed her such liberties with his baby sister. It proves to me that he has always known how to love even if he doesn't see it. Christian takes his plate to the sink and rinses it placing it in the dishwasher. He gives me a kiss says goodbye and leaves us to our girl's day. Kate excuses herself to the restroom and Mia takes the opportunity to open a discussion.

**_"What the hell have you done to my brother Ana?"_**

"What do you mean he seemed fine to me."

**_"He is more than fine. He initiated a hug with me. I can't remember the last time he did that. I think I was 6. He apologized, which Christian NEVER does. I mean NEVER. Then to top it off he took his plate to the sink, rinsed it and placed it in the dishwasher. As you know we grew up with servants and I don't think he has ever done dishes in his life. What kind of magic spell have you cast on him? Whatever it is don't stop. It is good to see him this way."_**

"I really don't know that I have done anything special. I just love him and I don't see that changing. He is a good man with a big heart he just wraps it up in a cloak of control. He loves you Mia. You have always been special to him. He speaks so fondly about when Grace and Carrick brought you home. I think you brought him back to life." I say with tears in my eyes.

**_Mia is also crying as she hugs my neck. "I never knew that Ana. I have always known there was something special in Christian. Growing up he treated me differently. I just assumed it was because I never let him get away with anything, I forced him to hug me and never let him get away with his bad attitudes. Mom has talked to me a little about what he endured before they adopted him. I am sure I don't know the half of it, but it was awful and quite honestly it is amazing that he turned out so well."_**

"Your parents did a wonderful job. I only hope he will continue to open up. If he only knew the depths of his own heart Mia. I just want him to understand how special he is."

**_"Just keep doing what you are doing. He's changing Ana. Please keep loving him Ana."_**

"I promise."

Kate walks back into the kitchen.

_"Apparently I missed out on a deep conversation. Want to fill me in as to why you two are in tears?"_

"It's nothing Kate. We were just discussing something Christian said about Mia. It really isn't anything you would be interested in, mushy family stuff."

She doesn't even try to get information out of me. I know she doesn't feel good. This behavior is totally out of character for Kate. We spend the morning on the couch watching _The Notebook. _ I can tell Kate is missing Elliot. I wonder why he didn't follow her out here. I know they are inseparable.

"Kate, why didn't Elliot come with you?"

_"It's that obvious. I miss him terribly. I wish he could have come. He was trying to finish up a job and couldn't get away with such little notice. I am so happy to be here Ana, I don't want you to think I am not enjoying myself, I just miss him."_

"You don't have to apologize. I can imagine you do miss him. Why don't you call him? He will just be getting up. You could catch him before he heads to the site."

_"Your right, maybe it will make me feel better. Last night was hard. You left with Christian. Mia and Jacob were enthralled with each other all night. Hell even Conner and Nathan were oozing love. I was grateful to have Kelly. She's great by the way. You too are so much alike. If I didn't have her there I think I would have wanted to hop a plane home. Instead I drowned my sorrows in drinks. Man do I regret that now."_

I feel like the worst friend in the world. I was so caught up with Christian I left my best friend to flounder. I hadn't even thought about how she would feel.

"I am so sorry Kate. I should have never left you. You came all this way and I ditched you to be with my boyfriend. I am a shitty friend. I am not leaving your side for the rest of the weekend. I promise. You call Elliot and I'll break the news to Christian. Then we will meet in here and plan our evening."

Kate leaves and I pick up my cell and dial. Christian answers on the first ring.

"Wow that was fast. Did you have the phone in your hand?"

**"Actually I just got off a business call and still had the phone next to me. What's up?"**

"Please don't be mad, but I can't come over tonight." I am met with silence. I decide to explain the situation. Once I am done it takes a minute for him to speak.

**"Your right Ana, you need to stay with her. I won't say I am not disappointed, but I understand. She needs you and she is only here for a short time. Have fun and I'll see you soon."**

"Thanks Christian. I have to admit that I was prepared for a battle."

**"I really am trying, Ana. You know I hate sharing you, but I know fighting you will just cause a rift between us and that is the last thing I want. So I will be a big boy and suck it up."**

"Aw, you are growing up Mr. Grey. I am so proud."

**"Very funny Miss Steele, you really have a smart mouth. I should punish you for that. Don't worry I am keeping that in check as well. You should be proud of the power you have over all of my fifty shades."**

"I'll see you later Christian and we can discuss that further."

I meet Kate and Mia back in the living room. They both seem to be in much better moods.

"So ladies, what's the plan tonight?"

**_"Jacob just called and his gig got cancelled tonight. He wants me to go on a date. I said yes. Is that okay Ana?"_**

"Of course it is. Jacob is a friend, nothing more. I saw the chemistry between the two of you. He's a great guy Mia. I hope it works out for you both." Mia smiles, then exits to get ready for her big night.

"Well Kate looks like it's just you and me. What do you feel like doing?"

_"Let's go out. I mean out, out I know a new club that Ethan mentioned was HOT the last time he was in NYC. Let's check it out."_

All I can think is this is not going to set well with Christian. I can't ditch her again. Damn it there is going to be hell to pay for this. I'll just have to be very careful and very honest. I am not sure which would be better, up front honesty or full disclosure afterward. I recall my last club experience with Kate. I decide no drinking and minimal dancing. Crap, Crap, Crap. It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, RIGHT?. Anyway, if I tell him up front I know Christian his imagination will run wild and his stalking tendencies will take over. Here goes nothing.


	57. Chapter 56

Again thanks for all your postive thoughts. Continue with the feedback. : )

Chapter 56

Kate loans me the proper attire for clubbing. God I hope Christian doesn't see me leave. He will take one look and know exactly where we are headed. I now wish it was winter and I could conceal my attire under a coat. I don't feel guilty about going so to speak. I know I am not doing anything wrong. Kate knows I am only going to make amends for last night. I stay away from clubs whenever possible. I would much rather spend my time deep in academic conversation than with foreign hands on my body in a room of drunks and loud music. I am so torn. I don't want to put doubt in Christian's mind, but I also need to be a friend to Kate. We shouldn't spend all her time here doing things that only I enjoy. I bite the bullet and swiftly exit the building making sure Kate blocks Christian's view. We slip in the cab. I await a call or text. When it doesn't arrive I breathe a small sigh of relief.

Thirty minutes later we arrive. There is a line out the door and around the block. I wonder what tricks Kate has up her sleeve to achieve swift access. There is no way I am standing in these heels all night in hopes to get into a club I really don't want to be at. Kate goes directly to the door man and whispers something in his ear. He removes the ropes and we are granted entrance.

"What did you say to make that happen?"

_"A lady never gives away her secrets."_

"I am sure what you said has nothing to do with being a lady," I raise my eyebrows.

Kate just back hands me on the arm and we find a table. I decide to have one drink. The rest of the evening I will consume water. I know how Kate gets when she goes dancing. We usually have Jose to see after us and he keeps unwanted suitors at bay. I will have to be aware of our surroundings and keep a close eye on Kate, which is not possible inebriated. All evening I am careful. If we leave our table to dance we order fresh drinks upon return. I do not allow Kate to accept free drinks from anyone. While dancing I stay close to Kate. I manage to keep most hands at bay. I am glad Kate is having a good time, but I am exhausted with all of this babysitting. I manage to escape to the bathroom. I try to convince Kate to go with, no luck. I can't hold it any longer so I take a chance. When I return some idiot is falling all over Kate. She has had too much to drink and is allowing him too much contact. It is almost 2 am and I know we need to head out. Somehow I get Kate away from the idiot and make it to the door. Before I can hail a cab Kate goes limp.

"Kate, what the hell is wrong with you? Stand up. I cannot hold you up."

_"I'm so tired Ana. I just want to sleep."_

"Shit. Did you take a drink from that idiot? Tell me Kate I can't help you unless I know what is wrong."

_"I just tooook a smaaaalll sip. Ooookay maaaaybe a biiiig sip."_

All of a sudden I am panic stricken. What do I do? I don't think she will need medical attention, but I know I can't get her in and out of the cab by myself. I make a decision. One I may regret.

"Christian, its Ana, I need your help."

I tell him quickly what has happened. I can tell he is mad, but his concern is over-ruling for now. I am never going to hear the end of this. Maybe I should have called Kelly or Conner. Shit why did I not think of that before. He was the first person that came to mind. Now he knows and I will have to deal with the consequences. I prop Kate up against the wall holding her with by body weight until Christian arrives. Exiting the car I see the concern on Christian's face. It quickly yields to anger. Shit!

**"What the hell were you thinking Ana? You truly have no regard for safety. I can't let you out of my sight for a minute and you do something this stupid."**

"Good to see you to Christian. Can we please discuss this in the car? You are making quite a scene."

He grabs Kate and hoists her over his shoulder. Once we are all safely in the car I brace myself for a full on verbal assault. He spares no time.

**"God damn it Ana. Are you stupid? How did you think this was going to end? Two naïve girls at a club dressed like…well barely dressed at all in a strange city. That can only end badly. What would you have done if I hadn't answered? What was your plan?"**

"You know you are truly an ass. I recall that I survived just fine on my own before I met you. I made it through 4 years of college parties unscathed. I am not "stupid" as you say. I was careful Christian. I hate clubs. I knew Kate would get out of hand so I prepared myself to be on my game. I drank only water and kept men away. We accepted drinks from no one. I even ordered new drinks anytime we were away from our table. I wanted to let Kate have a good time since her evening was so miserable last night. I only stepped away once to go to the restroom. I tried to make her go with me, but I feared peeing my pants before I got there. When I returned a man was salivating all over her. I managed to get her away from him. I hadn't realized he had given her a drink until she collapsed in my arms at the curb. I knew I couldn't manage her by myself so I called you. Now I regret that I didn't call Kelly or Conner. I wouldn't be explaining myself to them."

I turn away and look out the window refusing to meet his gaze. Who does he think he is, my father? I know I shouldn't be surprised I knew his reaction was going bad, but really he said I was stupid. I will not give him the satisfaction of seeing how wounded I am. I wipe the tears from my eyes and we spend the ride back in silence. As soon as we arrive I continue in my silent treatment. Christian carries Kate upstairs and places her on her bed. I follow him back to the front door.

**"Ana, please speak to me."**

"Goodnight Christian."

I close the door. Then the tears fall freely. I check on Mia. Thank goodness she is asleep, safe and sound. Next I make my way to Kate. I slip off her heels and place the covers over her. I bend down and make sure she is still breathing. Thank god she is. I decide to put on my pajamas and slip into her bed. I will never forgive myself if something happens to her. I stay awake all night checking her breathing often. The sun begins to brighten the room. I go to the bathroom and sprinkle cold water on my face. Kate is stirring. I can only assume the drug is wearing off. I go to the kitchen for some tea. I will return and check on her. Mia is already up and waiting for me in the kitchen. She has a huge smile plastered on her face. I know her date with Jacob was a success.

"That good?" I ask.

**_"Oh Ana, he is absolutely perfect. We had a spectacular time last night. Such a good time, we already made plans for today. Kate and I don't leave until late tonight so I am hoping to spend most of the day with Jacob. I hope you don't mind. I feel kind of bad that I came to see you and I haven't spent more than a few hours with you. "_**

"No worries, Mia. I am happy you and Jacob have hit it off so well. Could you not extend your trip? There is plenty of room here and I would love to have your company."

**_"I would have to talk to Kate. I don't know if she would want to fly back by herself. If she doesn't I would love to stay. Thank you Ana."_**

"I am sure Kate will be more than ready to go home and see Elliot, even if it is by herself."

We chat about her date over bagels. Soon Kate stumbles in. She looks as though her head is exploding.

"Are you okay, Kate?"

_"My head is killing me. I didn't drink that much. Did I?"_

I sit her down and explain the happenings of last night. Kate looks mortified.

_"I am so sorry Ana. I didn't mean to be such a burden."_

"Kate, you are my best friend in the whole world. I would never consider you a burden. You would have done the same for me."

_"Yes, you know I would. What was Christian's reaction?"_

"Don't worry about Christian. He is my problem not yours."

_"That bad huh?"_

**_Mia pipes in, "Let me take care of him. I am used to his bad disposition."_**

"I appreciate the thought. Really, there is no need. I can handle him."

I get Kate some pain reliever for her head then I excuse myself to shower. It is going to be a long day. I will have to get a nap if I am going to function at all today. Once I am refreshed I get dressed, casually of course. If I never wear 6 inch heels it will be too soon. My phone buzzes. Great a text from Christian, I wonder what insults he will be throwing my way this morning.

**I'M SORRY **

I type back.

YOU SHOULD BE!

I barely get it sent and my phone buzzes.

**Can we talk?**

That is up to you. I will be happy to have a conversation. I will not sit and listen while you insult me.

**I'm coming over.**

No don't I'll come to you. I don't want Mia and Kate to be a party to your grumpiness. Give me 10 minutes.

**OK 10 minutes**

I slip my phone in my pocket and go to tell Mia and Kate of my departure. They both wish me luck and I know I will need it. One knock and the door opens, Christian greets me. I can see the regret in his face. I keep my face stoic. He cannot see me waiver. I did nothing wrong. I was being a friend, I do not have a guilty conscience.

**"Please come in. Would you like some tea?"**

"Yes, thank you."

I follow him to the kitchen and notice he made himself breakfast. He sets the tea on the counter.

"Been cooking, Mr. Grey?"

**"I thought I would give it a try. I have a special friend who has been teaching me."**

"Oh I see. Is this friend a good teacher?"

**"She is a wonderful teacher. She has given me cooking as well as life lessons."**

"And what have you learned from these life lessons?"

**"I have learned a great many things. She has taught me that I really should think before I speak, that I should learn to control my temper, and that I don't always know best."**

"Really, she has taught you all of this. She seems like a very smart girl. I must meet her someday. I am sure she can teach this "stupid" girl a few lessons too."

**"Ana, I should have never said that to you. I am sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I hated leaving last night knowing you were mad at me. I wasn't able to sleep at all. I wanted to force you to talk to me, but after my attitude with you I figured I better leave you alone."**

"You are right. I was not pleased with you last night. Can I be honest with you?"

**"Please."**

"I admit that a lot of bad things could have happened last night. Don't you think I felt guilty? I left my best friend alone and she was drugged. I shouldn't have left her. I should have been by her side. Then you come with all of your hateful words and accusations. I needed your help and you did nothing, but make feel foolish. I called you for help, not a lecture. I want to feel free to call you whenever I need you. If I can expect you to react the way you did last night I can promise you, you will be last on that list. I didn't deserve the harsh words you spoke to me. You really must learn a new way to express concern other than anger."

**"I know, Ana. It is hard to break old habits. I should have never spoken to you with such disdain. I was just worried. When you called and explained my imagination ran wild. I felt helpless, what if something had happened to you Ana. What if you had drunk that by mistake or in addition? That man could have done anything to you. I would go mad without you."**

How and the hell am I supposed to stay mad, when he puts it like that? He can be impossible one minute and then the next wonderful.

"I am truly sorry that I scared you. I was scared out of my mind and I knew you would come to my rescue. Honestly, I can't say I was surprised at the way you reacted. I expected as much. Maybe I wasn't expecting you to be so harsh, but I knew before I left with Kate you would be livid about our plans."

**"Then why in the hell did you go? If you knew how I would react why put me through it?"**

"You don't know Kate. She can be as impossible as you. When Kate has something in her mind there is no talking her out of it. I have learned in all the years that I have known her that it is easier to go along and minimize the damage. I guess you could say I was between a rock and a hard place. Plus I spent all Friday night in your arms while she pined over Elliot. I don't know when I will see her again. We are not sure how long I will be in NYC and I want her to leave with good memories. You need to learn to trust me. I will promise to lean on you more if you promise to not get all hot headed when things don't go as planned."

**"I can promise to try. I am sure I will fail, but I will try."**

"I can accept that."

His lips are instantly on mine. His hands are pulling my hair out of its ponytail as I meet his fervor. As much as I would like a repeat against the kitchen counter I want him in the bed this morning. I decide after such an intense discussion a little fun is in order. I wait for the right moment then I run toward the bedroom.

"Are you coming Mr. Grey?" I say giggling as I run.

**"So you want to play, do you Miss Steele?"**

He says taking off after me. I barely make it across the threshold of the bedroom before I am caught up in his arms. He scoops me up in his arms and throws me on the bed.

**"Looks like you've been caught. Now what should I do with you?"**

"I am sure you will think of something I say trying to wiggle out of his grasp."

He lets me go and I scurry around the room. He lets me have my way as he goes to the closet. What is he doing? He turns and I notice a silver tie in his hand.

"What is that for?"

**"You seem to want to run and I can't have that so I will have to tie you up."**

"Oh!"

**"I promise not to hurt you. Do you trust me? I know I haven't given you much reason in the past. I won't Ana."**

"Okay."

He picks me up gently and places me on the bed. First he takes off my shirt then he asks me to raise my hands above my head and ties them to the headboard. I pull against it to see how tight it is. He is right it doesn't hurt. His lips trace my neck and collarbone down to the top of my breasts as he unhooks my bra freeing them then taking each nipple in his mouth sucking gently and tugging with his teeth. I want so badly to touch him and the restraints increase the intensity.

"Oh, Christian! Please, I need to touch you."

**"Not yet. I promise you will enjoy every minute. You won't be disappointed."**

He takes off my converse and my shoes. Then he moves to unbutton my jeans. I lift up my hips to allow him to pull them off. He takes my panties down with them. He stands back after he discards the remainder of my clothes.

**"God Ana you are exquisite. I am going to ravish every inch of your delectable body."**

His words alone cause wetness to pool between my legs. I watch as he hurriedly removes all of his clothes. I want to touch him so bad my body is aching.

"Please Christian I need you. Why do you torture me?"

With my words he strikes. His mouth begins to attack my sex.

"Oh God Christian don't stop." I say pulling against the restraint.

**"Be still Ana or I will have to restrain your legs as well."**

Part of me is intrigued by his threat. They may be fun. I think one restraint is all my aching body can take at the moment. I am immediately still. Now his fingers are circling my clitoris. Then he enters me with his fingers.

"CHRISTIAN PLEASE," I am practically screaming.

**"Give it to me Ana. Let go. I want to see you come for me."**

With that I am over the edge. It rolls on and on. I need to touch him. This is tortuous and amazing all at the same time. I may perish from the pleasure.

"I want to touch you, please let me touch you!"

Finally he reaches up and undoes the tie. My hands spring to his chest. The feel of his skin under my fingers is orgasmic. While I touch him all over, he plunges into me. I gasp. I wrap my legs around him and spur my heels into his ass.

"Harder please harder, Christian."

He does not disappoint.

**"God Ana you feel amazing. FUCK! Will I ever get my fill of you?"**

"Oh Christian! Don't stop. Yes! Yes! Yes" I yell. He follows right behind then we collapse sated. "Thank you, that was unexpected."

**"I guess that means you liked being tied up?"**

"Very Much!" I say and he smiles in return.


	58. Chapter 57

Sorry this took so long. I have had some writer's block. I am hoping to get the story rolling along again. Thanks as always for the reviews.

Chapter 57

Shit! I fell asleep. I wonder what time it is. Christian is also passed out beside me. I find the clock. FUCK…its 4 pm. Kate leaves for the airport in 4 hours. I have spent my entire day in Christian's bed while Kate was alone, again. I crawl out carefully, throw my clothes on and open the bedroom door.

**"Where are you off too, Miss Steele? I was sleeping so good."**

"Its 4 o'clock and Kate leaves in just under 4 hours. I'm being a shitty friend, again."

**"Go before I tie you to the headboard and hold you captive."**

"Ha! Ha! You're funny Mr. Grey."

**"Wait. Didn't you mean Kate and Mia are leaving?"**

Rushing out so to skip his dramatics, I yell back, "Mia is staying a while."

**"What? Ana you can't just leave me with that."**

"We'll discuss later! I gotta go." I hurry across the street.

**Why would Mia stay longer? How long is she planning on being here? I love my sister, but she is definitely high maintenance. I would really like Ana all to myself and with Mia staying this may be impossible. I can feel my frustration level peaking. I should go for the run.**

Kate's things are already packed and waiting in the foyer when I return. I track her and Mia to the living room.

"Hey you two, sorry I disappeared. I went to talk to Christian and I fell asleep."

_"Sure, I bet you 'fell asleep', Kate makes air quotations teasing me._

"No really I fell asleep. I spent all last night watching you, Kate, to make sure you were still breathing and I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I went to Christian's. I see you are ready to go. We still have a few hours why don't we get something to eat then Mia and I can see you off at the airport."

_"Sounds good, as much as I am going to miss you Steele I am so ready to get back to Seattle and Elliot. Watching you and Mia has really made me miss him."_

"I take it you aren't upset that Mia will be sticking around?"

_"Not at all, I wouldn't be in such a hurry to get home either if Elliot was here with me."_

We all pile into a cab and head to an early dinner/late lunch. After eating we go back to the apartment and to fetch Kate's belongings. After seeing my best friend off, Mia and I go home.

**_"Ana, Jacob wants me to meet him later. We are just hanging out with Kelly, Conner, and a few others. Why don't you join us? Ask Christian to come. I am sure he would hate it, but we both know it would be good for him."_**

"I would love to join you as for Christian we can only ask."

I leave Mia and go to Christian's. He answers the door barefoot in jeans, a v neck t-shirt showing off his large shoulders and tight pecks. Those grey eyes, I know he can tell how he affects me. A small smirk passes his lips. I smirk back.

"Mia has invited us to hang out with her, Jacob, Kelly and Conner tonight. Would you like to join me?"

**"I would rather have you all to myself."**

"Be serious Christian. I really want to go. I enjoy spending time with people. You may learn to like it too."

**"I am serious. You are the only person I want to spend time with."**

"So you are saying no? I am going. You are welcome to stay here and I will see you when I get back. If you change your mind we leave in 1 hour. I really hope you will decide to come." I turn and leave. Christian stands and stares not speaking a word.

An hour later Mia and I wait at the curb for a cab to pick us up, I look across the street and hope that he changes his mind. The cab arrives, we get in and I look back one more time. My hopes are dashed. I must let this go. I knew it was a long shot, but Christian is who he is and I can't expect him to change overnight. We arrive at one of my new favorite coffee houses where Jacob, Kelly, Conner and Nathan have already secured a table. Mia practically runs to Jacob's side. I give a brief smile while watching the two of them interact. I take a seat next to Kelly. We talk some business, but mostly chit chat about new books or music we are enjoying. I put Christian out of my mind, well maybe in the back of my mind. A few hours later we stand to leave. Walking to the door I briefly notice a familiar face sitting at a table by the door. I take a second look and I can't determine if I should be livid or happy. Christian Grey has to be the oddest man I have ever met in my life. I nudge Mia and inform her that I will meet her at the apartment later while handing her my key. She wishes me luck and I turn toward my weirdo, stalker boyfriend.

"Do you realize how odd this is? You decide not to come with me, but you follow me here and sneak in to sit across the room staring. That is beyond weird. Why not just come over and sit with us?"

**"I came in intending to sit with you. Then I just got caught up watching you interact with everyone. I sat here just watching. You are so beautiful when you laugh. I couldn't make myself interrupt. I knew that I would take your attention away and I loved just seeing you relaxed, having fun. I have never had that kind of fun. What does it feel like to be able to not have a care in the world, to live in the moment?"**

My dear sweet, screwed up Fifty. To be 27 years old and not know what it is like to relax. My compassion overflows and my anger toward those who have hurt and victimized him rises. He has never known normal. I want to share this life with him.

"You have never had a moment like that?"

**"Never. My life has been about control which in turn produced relaxation or so I have always thought. Seeing you tonight, I realize that isn't what it was at all."**

"Well I will make it my mission to teach you how to enjoy the little things in life. Like right now let's enjoy the city a little longer. How about a walk?"

The walk proves therapeutic to both our nerves. We settle into conversation nicely. For the first time since I met Christian I feel us becoming friends. He isn't as bad at relaxing as he thinks. I wonder why he never allowed himself to make true friendships. Then I recall that he didn't have a normal introduction into adult life. It actually pains me to think of Christian at 15. I am sure he was just as gorgeous. He says he was angry and confused, but I know what a big heart he has. I can't help but think how different he would be if Elena had never introduced him to BDSM. What if he had met a nice girl and fallen in love. He thinks that it wasn't possible back then but he also thought this wasn't possible. I am so sad for him.

**"What's on your mind? You got quiet and now you look sad. Did I say or do something?"**

"Everything is fine. I am so happy to be here with you, like this. As much as I love having your hands and mouth all over me, I really love this."

**"Me too Ana." He squeezes my hand and we continue with our walk.**

"I've been thinking a lot about us. I want to know everything about you and you me."

**"What do you mean? You know everything about me. You know more about me than any other person. What else could you possibly want to know?"**

"I want to know the little things. Like with me, you know I love 18th century English Literature, Harry Potter, and pop music. I also enjoy classical music, old black and white movies, and MadLibs. Do you have a favorite book, movie, song, guilty pleasure – other than the red room of pain?" I smile.

**"I have never put my energies into books, movies or anything other than building GEH and my playroom. You know music is therapeutic for me. I have shared my love of sailing and flying. I also like rock climbing, skiing and racing."**

"I guess we are truly yin and yang. You seem to be a thrill seeker and I am just so ordinary."

**"There is nothing ordinary about you Anastasia. You are the most fascinating person I have ever met. You are right, I tend to be a thrill seeker. You have to understand that all of those things I enjoy because they remind me that I am alive. There is nothing that makes you feel alive like being close to death. You thrill me more than any of these. I have never been this challenged. You make the ordinary things in life appealing. This is no small task. I have never been drawn to anyone or anything like I am to you. Yes we are truly yin and yang. We are opposite forces that are interdependent and interconnected. Now that I have found you I know that I will never be able to be without you and feel complete."**

"For someone who describes himself as not having a heart you know all the right words to convey love. I wish you could understand how special you are. I have never known anyone with a bigger heart than you. As crazy as you can make me with your controlling nature and your obsessive stalking tendencies I am hopelessly in love with you Mr. Grey."

**"You are my heart Ana. I never had one before you."**

"I doubt that. I think you have just kept it locked up and I am the key. Now Mr. Grey as much as I have enjoyed our little walk, all this talk of hearts and love has only made me want you as close to me as possible."

**"Well, as you know I aim to please."**


	59. Chapter 58

Thanks for everyone who has followed and favorited. Please review often it encourages me to write. I hope everyone likes the way Ana and Christian's relationship is developing.

I own nothing...

Chapter 58

Monday morning I ride with Christian to the office. He drops me. I make plans for us to have dinner with Mia and Jacob. This should be interesting. I know he did okay when we saw Jacob play, but this will be a true test of patience. Jacob dated me and now Mia. I hope Christian will be able to keep his control issues in check. I really want him to see Jacob for who he truly is. The day passes quickly and since Christian is in meetings I call Joe to get me home. We made a plan to just meet at the restaurant.

"Are you nervous about Christian coming Mia?"

**_"Can you tell? I just don't want him to screw this up for me. I really like Jacob and you know how Christian can be. I have learned to just laugh him off, but I am not sure Jacob will want to have any sort of relationship when he figures out I have a psycho brother."_**

"I understand your reservations, but I think he may surprise you." I hope I am right.

Jacob is already seated when Mia and I arrive. Christian is on his way as indicated by the text I received 5 minutes ago. Mia sits close to Jacob rubbing his arm and hanging on his every word. She has it bad. It is really sweet. Jacob seems just as smitten with her. I hope Christian gets here soon or I may have to excuse myself so they can have a romantic dinner for 2. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I know it is Christian. I stand and greet him with a kiss.

"Thanks for coming."

**"I wouldn't let you down again." I turn toward Mia. I give her a hug and shake Jacob's hand. "Thanks for inviting Ana and I."**

**I order wine and food for myself and Ana. This is one thing she doesn't seem to mind me having control over. Mia is lost in Jacob. She barely looks our direction and my feelings are mixed. I am certainly thrilled that Jacob is leaving Ana alone, but this is my baby sister and I may have to kill him if he hurts her. I have to admit to myself that he seems just as into Mia. Ana does a good job at keeping them somewhat engaged in conversation. Mia and Jacob are complete opposites. He grew up in the country, literally and Mia is most certainly a city girl. I will say Elliot and I kept her from being over the top girly. I can only imagine what she would be like without 2 older brothers to razz her constantly. Mia is a professional shopper and Jacob seems to be a thinker. He is artistic and studious, where Mia is boisterous and outgoing. Maybe opposites do attract. I can see why he was attracted to Ana, other than the fact that she is beautiful and humble. They have a lot in common. He doesn't seem to be pining over Ana at all. Mia is keeping his attention just fine. He also seems to be a gentleman. He stands when she leaves for the restroom and when she returns, even pushing her chair in as she sits. I really want to hate him and yet he gives off good vibes. I can feel Ana staring at me, probably trying to decipher my thoughts. I need to put her mind at ease.**

**"Don't worry. I won't be threatening anyone tonight. He seems okay. I will be calling Welch about a background check."**

"I am surprised you didn't already do that."

**"I had thought about it and decided against it in hopes that you would come to your senses. Now though I can tell Mia is smitten and I need to make sure she is safe before she falls head over heels."**

"You're a good brother, one with an active imagination, but nonetheless good."

**Once we wrap up dinner, Mia whispers something to Ana. I will have to figure that out later since Ana looked at me like she was hiding something. Ana and I share a ride, but she has already made it clear that tonight she will not be staying with me. I already miss her and she's sitting right beside me. I have to convince her that this 3 day a week rule is just not working. My place is too quiet, lonely without her light. She has no idea how much life she brings into my world. When we arrive I give her a soft kiss on the lips.**

**"I really wish you would come up."**

"We already talked about this. I am so exhausted from last week. I need my rest. You know if I go up we will not be resting."

**"What if I promised? If I promised to just hold you, nothing more. Would you stay then?"**

"This isn't fair, Christian. What you don't understand is when I am with you I want you just as badly. I don't know if I could promise to just let you hold me. It isn't you that I don't trust. I know my limitations and I know that tonight I need sleep."

**"Okay."**

"Don't be upset, please. I still want to treat this like a dating relationship. The last few days have been great. I feel like we are getting closer and whether we like it or not some distance is good."

**"I'm not upset, just disappointed. Now go before I throw you over my shoulder and drag you with me."**

"I love you, Christian. Goodnight."

**"I love you, Ana. Sleep well."**

**I watch her walk away and a pain fills my chest. I know that she is not really going anywhere. I just hate to be out of her presence. I stand on the street until the lights fill her apartment and then I go to my place. I lie awake still wishing she was next to me. Finally, I drift off and in my dreams she is right where she belongs.**

The next few days are a blur. I am swamped at work. Kelly finally made a decision on a new editor and we have been discussing which projects she would like me to pass on and which I need to see through. Christian has been in meetings until late every night. We have both made as much effort as possible to text and email, but by Friday I miss him so much. I haven't physically seen him since Monday. Mia has been staying at Jacob's place just about every night. They seem to be moving full steam ahead. In my spare time I have been working on a gift for Christian. I am hoping to give it to him this evening. I am a little nervous. This is a man who has everything. I hope he will appreciate the thought. At 6 pm I gather all of my things to leave work. I am surprised to see Christian waiting by the car.

"I thought it was going to be a late night again."

**"I decided it could wait until Monday. Joe was nice enough to let me hitch a ride with him."**

"I am so happy to see you. I have missed you so much." I look deep into his eyes and I see that he feels the same. "I need to run up to my place and grab something and then I am all yours for the entire night."

**"You have no idea how happy that makes me."**

"Oh, I think I do." I say with a big smile.

Once we arrive I go straight upstairs and grab my pre-packed overnight bag as well as the gift for Christian. I cannot get to him fast enough. I can't decide if I want to give him the gift or me first. It has been way too long since those hands have touched me. I long to be close to him and I hope he feels the same. Pauline lets me in. Christian is nowhere to be found.

**_"He got caught up on a phone call. He said he will be right back. Can I get you something to drink?"_**

"Sure, I would love some water. Thanks Pauline."

We sit and talk while waiting. She is such a great person. I am pleased when she tells me that Christian took my advice and gifted a paid vacation to go visit her sister. He paid her wages and for the entire trip. That is the man I love. Once Christian's call is complete Pauline gives me brief instructions for the dinner she made in advance then she gives us a farewell.

**"I'm sorry. I needed to take care of some things for Ros. I had hoped to have it complete before you arrived."**

"No worries. I am always happy to chat with Pauline. She is so excited about her trip. Thank you for doing that. I know it meant a lot to her."

**"I believe it was your suggestion so really she should be thanking you."**

"Why don't we both take credit? I have the ideas and you have the finances." I tease.

**"Agreed. Are you hungry?"**

"For you." I say shyly.

**"Well then let's get you fed."**

**I pick her up and take her to my bedroom. I haven't had her since Sunday and I am famished. With my subs I had a contract for weekends only and by the time Friday rolled around I was ready to get them in the playroom. They were a means to an end. I took out all my weekly frustrations on them so I could make it through the next week without a meltdown. With Ana it is completely different. I think of her every second of everyday. Not just sexually, although those thoughts are often. I picture her smile, her hair, the way she smells, the sound of her laugh. She exhausts my thoughts. Never before has the thought of a woman interfered with my work. There are times I catch myself daydreaming of us when I should be concentrating on business. No one else seems to notice. I am good at hiding my emotions, but I know why I am distracted. It has been worse this week since I haven't been able to see her since Monday. **

** I lay her on the bed and slowly undress her. I look deep into her eyes as I remove every last piece of clothing. Standing back to remove my clothes my gaze never leaves her. Neither of us speaks, yet we know what the other one wants. This is absolutely foreign to me. Sure, I know what is pleasing to a woman's body. I have always heard the eyes are the windows to the soul and looking at Ana while we make love I know it is true. Likewise, I let me guard down with her. I know she sees the depth of my love for her. **

** I hate that I called it vanilla sex. I hope she doesn't think this does not fulfill me. I miss some aspects of my playroom, but right here like this is beyond anything I ever expected. When she let's go it is always my undoing. There are times when I think I am no good for her. I am controlling and high strung and yet when I make love to her I know that we are perfectly suited. This is where everything is perfect. No matter the struggles we face building a relationship, this is my refuge. Here is where I can make her believe in my love and it only drives me to do it more often. This isn't sex for me anymore it is the easiest form of communication. When I don't know the words to say or the actions to take I know this. When I am finished I collapse beside her. My goddess, my love, my equal and I know I will never tire of this woman.**

"I am going to warm up the dinner that Pauline left. Meet me in the kitchen in 10 minutes. I have a surprise for you."

**"You do? Well if it is another round I will be there in 5."**

"Always so funny Mr. Grey, see you in few."

My mind is worried about my gift. What if he hates it? It may have been a bad idea. I need to just get dinner ready and bite the bullet. I gave it a lot of thought and I know Christian well enough he will appreciate that much. Once the table is set and food served Christian joins me. Like a god entering the dining chamber I find myself staring. He is wearing only sweatpants that hang on his hips and just fucked hair. If I wasn't so hungry I may beg to be taken on the table. I love this man's body especially when it is pleasing mine, but it is his eyes that get me every time. He is not good at expressing himself with words, but those eyes never fail at showing me everything he feels. When we make love they are dark grey, wide pupils searching mine. When he is happy they are light with dark specs airy even and they bounce with his laughter. When he is hurting they are withdrawn, slate and they dart around looking for solace. When he is angry they are black and glazed. He couldn't hide from me if he wanted. His eyes always give him away.

"So do you want food or gift first?"

**"Let's eat first if you don't mind"**

"Not at all, I am starving."

We eat and chat about our work week. I know that neither of us has any true understanding of what the other one does. I love hearing about his day because I know how much he enjoys it. It is not the conversation that I am interested in, it is the fact that he will have it with me freely. I know this has not always been the case with Christian and if I had to listen to him read the dictionary I would if it helped him be less guarded. We complete dinner and as per normal, well new normal he helps me clear the table and do the dishes.

"You have become quite domesticated, Mr. Grey."

**"I have found that I enjoy doing these little things. They remind me of you."**

"Well while we are on the subject of little things come to the living room with me. I want to give you your present."

**We sit on the couch and she pulls out a gift bag. I take it and start pulling out things. I am a little confused as to their meaning. She sees my confusion and explains.**

"This is probably going to seem silly to you, but you expressed that you wished you were more normal. It got me to thinking. Obviously, I cannot give you back your teenage years. However, I can share a piece of what they may have been like with you. I decided to do a little research. You would have been a teenager from 1998 to 2002, I decided to go back to 1996 since Elliot is a couple of years older and you probably would have enjoyed the things he enjoyed. I got 2 of the top movies from each of those years. Don't worry they are not chick flicks. I kept in mind what a hormone raging boy would enjoy. I also got a few seasons of television dramas and sitcoms. I also made you a playlist of top 40 music hits during that time. There are Yankees and Mets tickets because boys love sporting events. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries. I just thought it may be fun to make some normal memories together."

He doesn't speak and I begin to get nervous. I try to read his eyes. They are a mixture of colors and emotions. I don't see anger or disappointment so I'm feeling a little better. He just stares at me and I need to know what he is thinking.

"Say something. Do you hate it? It was a dumb idea wasn't it?"

**"Ana stop. This has to be the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. I don't know what to say, except thank you. You are so thoughtful and I can't wait to do all of this with you by my side."**

I am relieved. "Hey we can pretend that we are on your parents couch being sneaky as we make out. What do you think?"

**"I think we should get started."**

I pop in the first movie, released in 1996 Independence Day. We settle in and watch.

**"I remember Elliot went on and on about this movie. I always thought he was so silly to get wrapped up in movies. Now I wish I had been a little more carefree in those days."**

"Well it's never too late."

**I kiss her forehead and privately think to myself that I am the luckiest man on the planet. I definitely don't deserve her and I will never take her for granted again.**


	60. Chapter 59

**A continued thanks for all the followers and reviews. Please keep giving me your opinions. **

**I own nothing...**

**Chapter 59**

**In between movies I excuse myself on the pretense of a business call. I want to do something special for Ana. I know she doesn't want me to go over the top, but what good is all of my money if I can't spend it on the woman I love. I secure a destination then I call Kelly. Welch secured her cell number for me. She assures me that she can do without Ana until Thursday morning. It is less time than I was hoping for, but I can make do. **

**"Thanks Kelly."**

"You're welcome Christian I know Ana will love your surprise. Oh and Christian my parents are having a fundraising dinner for a local charity next Friday night. I was hoping you and Ana would be able to attend."

**"Let me discuss it with Ana and I will get you an answer by Thursday if that works."**

"That will be fine, thanks and have fun."

**We hang up and I go back to the living room where Ana is lounging in shorts and a tank top. Her hair is pulled up messy. Her face clear of makeup and all I can think is this is how she looks most beautiful. **

"Did you get everything taken care of?"

**"I did. Are you ready for the next movie? What is it?"**

"It is the first in the Mission Impossible Series. I figured you were an action kind of guy."

**"I definitely like action, Miss Stele." I say with a sexual undertone.**

"Feeling froggy, huh Mr. Grey."

**"Always Miss Steele."**

I move quickly, straddling him and take charge. I strip my shirt then I move to his. I can tell I have caught him off guard.

**"Looks like you are the froggy one Miss Steele."**

"Can I ask you something?" I say between kisses.

**"Anything."**

"Do you miss your playroom? Be honest. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear."

**"Honestly, yes and no."**

"That isn't an answer Mr. Grey. Please expound."

**"There are many things that I like about the playroom that don't involve pain. There are some things that I would love to try with you, but I would never ask you to do anything you don't want. If we never go into the playroom I will be happy. You are all I need, I understand that now."**

"What if I wanted you to take me into the playroom? I am not going to pretend that I am not nervous about it. I know that you have certain cravings. I can't submit to being hit, but I am willing to try other things if you promise to go slow."

**I cup her cheeks with my hands. "Ana, as happy as this makes me, let's wait. We can discuss it when we get back to Seattle. Today, I want to take you away. We can bring your gift."**

"Where are we going?"

**"I'm taking you to The Hamptons until Thursday."**

"Christian, I have a job. I can't possibly leave when we are so busy with the transition."

**"I already talked to Kelly and she said she will be fine without you until Thursday morning. Please say you will go."**

"You weren't on a business call earlier were you?"

**"Guilty."**

"You are a piece of work, Mr. Grey. Of course I will go. What kind of attire should I bring?"

**"As little as possible as far as I am concerned."**

"Seriously, Christian."

**"Bring your everyday attire. I plan on this being a relaxing time, no formal dinners and lots of time on the beach so don't forget a swimsuit."**

"What time are we leaving?"

**"The helicopter is on standby so whenever you are ready."**

"The helicopter. OF COURSE. Let me go pack. I'll meet you downstairs in 20 min."

I know I told him I didn't want him going over the top, but I am looking forward to this trip. It really doesn't bother me that he is taking the helicopter. I know how much he loves to fly and I am looking forward to seeing the look he gets when he is in the air. 20 minutes later we are headed to the heliport. After a 45 minute flight we arrive. There is a car waiting, a fancy one.

"What kind of car is this? It looks really fast."

**"It's a Bugatti Veyron and yes it is fast."**

The drive is thrilling. There's that look. The one he gets when he flies. The house is amazing. It is actually an estate. I can tell I have deprived him too long of his luxuries. I have a feeling the next 4 days are going to be filled with WAY over the top gestures.

"There are 2 of us. How many bedrooms does this place have? Five?"

**"7 actually."**

"I was thinking a cottage or cabin not an estate."

**"We won't have any privacy in a cottage. We would have to go to the public beach."**

"God forbid a public beach. That would be scandalous." I place my hand over my mouth with my eyes wide.

**"Funny. I am not ashamed to go to a public beach, but there are some safety concerns. The paparazzi would have free reign for intimate photos. Do you really want photos of you in a swimsuit all over magazines?"**

"I guess I have never really thought about it. Of course I don't."

**"I have done this relationship your way since arriving in New York. You are going to have to understand that my life comes with certain dangers and pitfalls. The money that is spent on securing places like this is partially for enjoyment, but mainly for security. The Hamptons is a place where the wealthy and famous frequent because if that the paparazzi tend to flock here. I will not risk your safety and privacy because you are uncomfortable with my money."**

"I just feel out of place in your world."

**"And I feel the same in yours."**

"Touché Mr. Grey, since you have tried I will do the same."

**"Thank you Miss Steele. Now let's just enjoy this monster house. I am sure we will be able to utilize every room before we leave."**

"You're incorrigible!"

The next four days are nothing short of magical. I give in and allow Christian to control the entire trip. I am pleasantly surprised when he takes me into town for casual shopping with no security. I know this is his way of thanking me for not fighting his control. At breakfast on Wednesday morning I can tell something is troubling him.

"What's wrong?"

**"Nothing why?"**

"Please don't lie. I know when something is weighing on your mind."

**"You do now do you? You think you can read me that well?"**

"You are an open book to me Christian. You think you are so good at hiding, but I know all of your moods and this one is troubled."

**"Wow. I thought I was better at hiding my emotions. No one else seems to be able to read them."**

"They are not in love with you Mr. Grey. When you love something you make it your mission to know it well."

**"True."**

"So spill it Grey."

**"Kelly mentioned that her parents were having a charity fundraising gala on Friday and she hoped we would come."**

"Okay and this bothers you because?"

**"I have enjoyed being able to be in public with you casually without paparazzi hounding us. We have kept a low profile. I have enjoyed being Christian, in love with Ana. If we go Friday that will no longer be possible."**

"Why?"

**"Many different reasons, in the past when I come to New York it is has been strictly business. I have never attended functions here or been involved in the society scene. The paparazzi never had a reason to follow me around because they would get bored very quickly. Once I attend this gala that will be over. Not only will I be thrust into the limelight, so will you. Then they will find out about us living and dating in the city. They will start following us and you everywhere. I have enjoyed our anonymity and I am not sure I am ready for it to end."**

"Oh, I guess I never realized how popular you were."

**"It's not popularity, its power. The public is enamored by my power and even if I don't give them any reason to be."**

"Well I will do whatever you want to do. Don't worry about Kelly she will understand if you don't want to go. I will make sure of that."

**"She's your boss. You don't think she will be upset?"**

"Not at all, I am sure that her parent's put her up to it. She hates the society scene and tries to avoid it. Just make a large donation and all will be forgiven. I know shocking. I am telling you to throw money at something. I think in this case it is appropriate."

**"You won't be disappointed?"**

"Christian please, I would much rather spend our final days in New York not having to worry about security and paparazzi. I know I will be forced into that life when we return to Seattle. So no I won't be disappointed."

**"I love you so much."**

"And I you."


	61. Chapter 60

Thanks for the reviews. There will be drama soon enough. Until then enjoy more love and sex. : )

Chapter 60

During the flight back to the city I think back to the last 4 days. Christian was right we made use of just about every room in that sprawling mansion. I am trying to decide which room was my favorite. The kitchen island was pretty spectacular. I particularly liked that he just pushed everything to the floor and went for it. Granted the cleanup was quite a feat. Thank goodness Christian has a new domestic side or I would have been in there forever. Shower sex is always top on the list. There is something about water streaming over our bodies through our interlocking lips and other areas. Then there was the billiard table. Damn that was hot. I think that will be one we should repeat at Escala. Everyone has heard of strip poker, but strip pool was a new one for me. Luckily I am fairly good at the game and I love that Christian was naked before me. Not by much, but that isn't the point. He would tease me during my turns, hot breath on my neck or fingertips lightly stroking my back. A shiver runs through me just thinking of it. It is a miracle I could keep my wits about me. My thoughts shift to the bedroom. Every room was special in its own way, but the master bedroom was still my favorite. This is the one place Christian worships me slowly. There is nothing rushed or hurried. His love shines in his eyes most brightly when we make love slowly and I wouldn't want it any other way. I look out the window as I continue to reminisce.

**"Ana. Ana. Hello Ana." It takes three times before she turns toward my voice. "Are you okay? You seem worlds away."**

"Great. I was just thinking about the last few days."

**"It was wonderful wasn't it? I am not looking forward to going back to real life."**

"Me either." I place my hand on his leg and stroke his thigh. "What if I wanted to change some rules?"

**"They are your rules to break. What are you thinking?"**

"Well after waking up by your side for the last 5 mornings I think I want to get rid of my 3 day a week rule. I just don't think I can go back to being in bed alone. Is that okay?"

**The huge mega-watt grin gives me away. **

"Have I rendered you speechless Mr. Grey?"

**I nod with my still plastered smile.**

"Well then I guess I should bring my things over tonight. I don't think Mia will even notice I'm gone. She has spent maybe 2 nights there in the last week."

**"Please spare me the details of my sister's love life."**

"Mr. Grey, are you blushing? Does it bother you that your sister has sex?"

**"God Ana, please I don't want to even think about it."**

"Christian for such a sexual being you can be such a prude. Mia is my age. You're okay with having LOTS of sex with me, but you want to think of your sister as forever chaste?"

**"Yes. You can't possibly understand because you are an only child."**

"Do you feel the same way about Elliot?"

**"Of course not. I don't want to hear the details, but I know he has slept with most of Seattle and that is fine. He's a man."**

"Whoa! What kind of double standard is that? You are okay with thinking Elliot sleeps with anything that walks, but Mia can't sleep with a boyfriend? That makes no sense."

**"We won't see eye to eye on this so just drop it."**

I know I have crossed the line. As silly as the line seems to me, by the look in his face I know I should just leave it alone. This is old Christian making an appearance and I know if I push too hard it will only make things worse. Pick your battles Ana. I set my mind on my recent decision. I hope I haven't done the wrong thing. I just don't want to move too quickly and ruin everything. We have made huge strides over the last few weeks. Other than this recent conversation about Mia, Christian has kept his moods in check fairly well. I just don't want to lose this Christian. Thinking of all of this just brings up other insecurities about when we finally go back to Seattle. Will I lose him to his old life, Elena, the demands of work? Stop it, Ana! You are just getting yourself worked up about things that haven't even happened. I'm relieved when we land and I can get out of my head and concentrate on the decision to stay with Christian for the remainder of my time in NYC.

Christian comes with me to gather my things. I explain to Maria what is going on and express that I will call Maggie to explain. She seems happy for Christian and I. I am sure that this is a welcome sight compared to my constant breakdowns when I first arrived. I call Mia.

"Hey Mia. It's Ana."

**_"Hey Ana. How was your trip?"_**

"Oh Mia it was amazing." I notice Christian eavesdropping. I am sure he is worried I will share details. I didn't sign the NDA and I know it crosses his mind that I may give details of our relationship. I wonder when he will learn to completely trust me. "I just wanted to call and let you know that I have decided to move over to Christian's for the rest of my stay."

**"That is fabulous Ana. As you know I have spent most nights with Jacob. I am sure that he won't mind if I just stay here."**

"Great! I just didn't want you to feel abandoned."

**"Not at all. I am so happy that you are taking the next step with Christian. He needs you Ana. You bring out a side of him that I have never seen. Hell no one has ever seen that side of him. Don't let him scare you with his moods. I can tell he loves you. Be patient."**

"I love him, Mia. I don't think anything can ever change that." Christian is still on edge. I am smiling inside because I know that I would never betray him. I can't get mad at him even if it does make me crazy. He is such a worrier. One day he will let this go, but until then I won't let his fear spur anger in me. "Hey I've gotta go. Tell Jacob hi and let's try to get together this weekend."

I hang up and notice Christian relax.

"You crack me up Mr. Grey."

**"Why do you say that?"**

"You will learn to trust me. One day you will realize that I will never betray you. In the meantime I will keep proving it to you."

**"I'm sorry Ana I don't mean to make you feel that way. I have never given anyone such insight into my world. I promise to work on my trust issues."**

I kiss his cheek. "That's all I ask."

It only takes one trip to move all of my things. Once I am settled we decide to go out for dinner.

**"What are you hungry for?"**

"Actually I could go for a burger and a beer." He smirks at me.

**"Well then a burger and a beer it is."**

He takes me to Burger Joint on 46th. I know right away this is my kind of place. Quirky and fun with interesting décor, the service is great, everyone is friendly. I know that Christian would rather be in an uptight restaurant where the servers are cold and to the point. Not me. I love hole in the wall places. I feel more in tune with the local culture. I know that this will not happen much in Seattle so I just relax and enjoy the evening, out with the man I love. No one cares who we are or how much money Christian has. I certainly don't.

"I'm going to miss this."

**"Me too." I know exactly what she is talking about. In Seattle I can never go out casually. Not that I would have before Ana. I never had the desire to and now that I do, I can't. We will have to make the most of whatever time we have left here.**

After dinner we go home. Christian runs me a bath and much to my delight joins me. He washes my hair and my back. Once he has rinsed me thoroughly I turn to face him my knees between his legs. I look deep into his eyes, dark grey with wide pupils, desire. My mouth searches his. He returns my fervor. My hands instinctively stroke his hair tugging harder as our kisses become more passionate.

**"Ana?" **

"Yes." I say breathy.

**"Let's take this to the bedroom."**

I get out and dry off throwing my towel to the floor and sprinting toward the room. I jump up onto the bed and bounce like a child. Christian is laughing at me. I love it when he laughs. I continue as he comes toward me and tackles me. I fall with my head landing perfectly on the pillow as his mouth attacks me. His playful mood has turned to desire again. He hovers over me.

**"You're so beautiful Ana." I kiss her over and over. Repeating this to her. If she only knew how magnificent she is, the light she brings to my life. **

**"Turn over. I want to kiss your back." She flips and I caress her back first with my hands and then my lips. "Your skin is so soft." I nibble on her shoulder. I move down to her perfectly round ass. I smack it. Not too hard. Just enough to make her yelp, I know it didn't hurt just took her off guard. "Does that bother you?"**

"No." I say trying to control my craving.

**"I'm going to do it again. Is that okay?"**

"Yes."

**I smack her once more. I don't want to push the limit today. Then I kiss both cheeks were my hand just came down. She lets out a moan. I flip her over quickly. I need to see her face. I part her sex and push a finger in. God she is so wet and ready. I want to slam into her now, but I need to worship her first. I circle her clit while continuing to fuck her with my finger, never taking my eyes off of hers. I know she is close.**

**"Give it to me Ana. I want to see you come."**

**With my words her body tightens and vibrates. I see it through and when she is on her way down I slam into her with force. I do it again and again until I feel her tighten again. I too am close.**

**"God Ana, I love you so much." She screams my name and that is my undoing. Her orgasm milks me dry and I fall sated. I hold her in my arms. She circles my chest with her fingertips. I never thought a woman's touch would feel this good. The next thing I know the sun is coming through the windows. Ana and I are intertwined. I smile. My new morning routine starts with waking up next to Ana.**


	62. Chapter 61

Thanks for the reviews and favorites. I am truly humbled. Please keep reading and reviewing.

I own nothing...

Chapter 61

I wake to Christian staring at me with a huge smile.

"Hey."

**"Hey how did you sleep?"**

"Great and you?"

**"I always sleep good when you are beside me. Thank you for changing the rule. You don't know how much it means to me that I will see you every night and every morning."**

"I have an idea. What time is it?"

**"8."**

"Why didn't you wake me? I have to be at the office in an hour. Thank God it's casual."

I jump up and hop in the shower. No time to wash and dry my hair. I will just have to pull it back into a messy bun. After I am thoroughly clean and dry I brush my teeth, fix my hair and throw on my clothes. Christian is missing from the bed when I come out of the bathroom. I don't give it a second thought. I head toward the kitchen, knowing Pauline won't be in until 9 today per Christian's request. I am shocked to see him at the stove making pancakes and bacon.

"Well seems you have a side of you I never knew existed. I mean you've helped me in the kitchen and I know you do dishes now, but breakfast too. I have to say I am really turned on right now."

**"Well I can help you with that."**

"Oh no you don't, I will most certainly be late. You can make it up to me later." I devour a pancake and a piece of bacon, washing them down with an entire glass of orange juice. "I would love to stay and chat, but I have to go. I arranged for Joe to continue to take me to work, I hope you don't mind."

**"No that is fine, as long as I can pick you up."**

"Deal, I'll see this afternoon Mr. Grey." I give him a quick kiss and head down to meet Joe.

Kelly is already steady at it when I get to the office. I give her a quick waive and smile since she is heavy into a phone conversation. The new editor started Monday and I had already moved all of my things out of my office into the reception desk. I am only keeping 3 manuscripts to review. The rest I will be handing off to Rachel. I know she will fit in well. Her personality it suited for Kelly and Conner. I know they will be in great hands when I go home. I check emails and then get started in my editing duties.

**_"Hey Ana can you come see me for a minute?" Kelly calls from her desk._**

I come to a stopping point then go straight in having a seat on her couch.

**_"So how was your time in The Hamptons?"_**

"Amazing thanks for asking."

**_"I think you have a keeper in Christian. He seems to really be into you. Not my type too brooding, but I can tell he cares for you."_**

"He's a really great guy. I think I will keep him."

**_"Hey I just got off the phone with Maggie. She was asking about our new editor. I let her know we were in good shape here and that you were tying up some loose ends on a couple of manuscripts. She said they are becoming overwhelmed. They just contracted 4 new authors. With the kids they are need you to come back and help. Do you think you can have those wrapped up in 2 weeks?"_**

"That shouldn't be a problem."

**_"Okay great. I'll let her know. By the way, did Christian mention the event at my parent's tomorrow night?"_**

"He did. How mad would you be if we declined? I promise he will donate an obscene amount of money. He really wants to keep the remainder of our time in NYC from being taken over by paparazzi." I smile.

**_"Ana, I totally understand. I let it slip that you were seeing Christian at dinner with my parents and they have been hounding me for weeks about inviting him. I am sure a donation will be just as good. You know I hate these events. I may come down with something tomorrow." She winks._**

"Thanks Kelly."

**_"Sure. I'm really going to miss you when you leave. We need to make sure and keep in touch."_**

"Absolutely, I have two weeks left so let's make a standing daily lunch date."

**_"You got it."_**

I go back to my desk lost in thoughts. I try to bury myself in work, but I can only think that my NYC adventure is coming to an end. I knew it would happen, but I am not ready. Christian and I are doing so much better. Well at least I get to wake up next to him each morning for the next 2 weeks. I can't dwell on the, what ifs, of our relationship in Seattle. I have to concentrate on making the most of these next two weeks. I put my insecurities in the back of my mind and bury myself in work. At lunch Kelly and I hit a local deli and discuss Mia and Jacob.

"So how do you think Jacob feels about Mia? From what I gather Mia is head over heels."

**_"Well let's just say I have on good faith that he is trying to convince his band mates to move to Seattle."_**

"You're kidding? Will he teach there?"

**_" I know he has applied. I am not sure that he will get any offers this close to the start of school."_**

"What about his masters?"

**_"He already got permission to do most of his studies online with NYU so he wouldn't have to give up his scholarship. Since he gets summers off I think he will just come back and do sessions here. That way the band can still play at some New York venues."_**

"Wow he has really thought this out. He has it bad huh?"

**_"I have never seen Jacob so taken by anyone. I am surprised that it is with Mia. She so different from anyone that he has ever dated, don't get me wrong I like her. She seems to balance him out."_**

"How are you going to be if he moves across the country?"

**_"I will miss him horribly. He has been my best friend for the last 6 years, but I want him happy. He deserves it more than anyone I know. Plus with you there I will have more of a reason to come visit my Aunt and Uncle."_**

"Don't forget your adorable niece and nephew."

**_"Who could forget them? They are so stinking cute."_**

We finish up lunch and head back. I check my email and smile when I see a message from Christian.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Miss you

**Date: **August 2, 2012 – 12:02 pm

**To: **Anastasia Grey

Trying to work and finding myself staring at the clock. Can't wait to see you, be ready I won't be late.

Christian Grey

Lonely CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I quickly type out a message.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Miss you too

**Date: **August 2, 2012 – 1:15 pm

**To: **Christian Grey

Just go back from lunch. I can't wait to see you. I have a lot on my mind. See you at 5 sharp.

x Ana

Distraught Assistant Editor, William Publishing, LTD.

I know after I send it I shouldn't have put distraught. Christian will read way too much into that one word. I just finish the thought and I get a ping.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Perplexed

**Date: **August 2, 2012 – 1:17 pm

**To: **Anastasia Grey

I hope everything is okay. I can't help but wonder why you are distraught. I would come get you now if I didn't think you would refuse. See you at 5.

Christian Grey

Worried CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I decide not to type back. This is not anything that needs to be discussed via email. I go back to the manuscripts. I have 2 weeks to get these ready for publication and I have just barely started the first one. At this rate I may need to take work home. At 5 pm Christian walks through the door. I can't help but smile as he enters. I love him in a suit. It accentuates his physique.

"Almost ready, I just need to send this email and shut down my computer."

I get my things and greet him at the door with a kiss. I shout out a goodbye to Kelly, Rachel and Conner. They all answer back with goodbyes.

"So Mr. Grey how was your day."

**"Oh you know lots of boring meetings and phone calls. Are you okay Ana?"**

I steady myself. I don't want to get emotional. "Maggie called today. She told Kelly that she really needed me back in Seattle to help out."

**"How long do we have?"**

"2 weeks." My voice shakes but I keep myself from losing it.

**"Ana, do you not want to go home?"**

"It's not that Christian. I miss Kate and I would love to be able to drive down and see Ray, but…" I trail off and stare out the window.

**"But what?"**

"We are in a good place. The last time I was in Seattle I had lost you. I don't want to lose you again."

**"Ana look at me." I want her to see my eyes. I am holding nothing back. I need her to understand. "I will never let that happen again. These past few weeks have taught me so much about myself and us. If we ever end…" I pause willing my eyes not to tear up. "It will be because we mutually agree that it isn't working. I will tell you right now that I will never agree to that. So Miss Steele you are stuck with me."**

"What if you go back and realize; I'm not enough? What then?"

**"Ana you are more than enough. You are my heart. I don't know how I can convince you of this."**

"I don't want to think about all of this tonight. We have 2 weeks and I want to enjoy them. Take me home Mr. Grey I need to lose myself in you."

**"As you wish."**


	63. Chapter 62

As always thanks for reading. I am sure I will hear a thing or two about the next few chapters. No worries I am ready!

I own nothing...

Chapter 62

The next 2 weeks fly by. Christian goes out of his way to make every day special. We spend most evenings cuddled on the couch enjoying the shows that I gathered for him. Each morning we sit and have a leisurely breakfast. We spend two Saturdays in a row watching baseball. The first weekend the Yankees played the Mariners. It was hard not to root for my home team. So much of my childhood had been spent watching the Mariners at Safeco Field. Yankee fans are brutal though I and I knew it was the better part of wisdom to just be a closeted fan. Christian would have bloodied the nose of anyone that bantered with me. The next weekend we attend the Mets vs. Dodgers game. I didn't have a vested interest either way so I was full out Mets that day. Christian was so relaxed and carefree. I can't remember how many times he thanked me for the tickets. I hope we can do these little outings back home. He surprised me with tickets for _Once The New Musical_. I had heard of the movie. The show was amazing. I noticed that even Christian enjoyed himself. I am sure he would have rather been at the opera or ballet, but it was sweet of him to make concessions for me. I must mention that there was lots of HOT STEAMY sex, everywhere. I could go on and on about how he plays my body like a grand piano. I know I will never tire of his desire for me. It is the one time when I have absolutely no insecurities. He has a way of making me feel beautiful in a way I never thought possible.

I few days before the 2 weeks was up I got an email from Maggie with my flight reservations. It is official I will be leaving Thursday 6 am from JFK. My mood shifts drastically. I try to hide it from Christian, but I know I can't.

**"Did you have a bad day?"**

"I got my itinerary from Maggie this morning. I leave Thursday at 6 am."

**"Oh, I had hoped you could just fly back with me. I can't leave until Saturday though."**

"I wish I could, but she needs me in the office Thursday no later than lunch to help out while she meets with a potential client. Scout is sick so Mark has to stay home. I can tell she is feeling frazzled and I think it's best if I don't put her off."

**"I understand. Well that gives is tonight and tomorrow to top off this adventure. Can you take tomorrow off?"**

"Funny you should say that. I finished up everything today and Kelly demanded that I spend my last full day in New York with you."

**"Well Miss Steele what do you want to do?"**

"Fly"

**"Excuse me?"**

"I want to see the city from the air. I want to fly over everything and remember what a great adventure this has been."

**"Well then we will leave tomorrow after breakfast." I wrap her in a hug. I don't want her to see that I am just as nervous about going back. We have been tucked away, able to enjoy each other for the last month. I know the distractions at home won't allow for my undivided attention. "Let's stay in tonight, since tomorrow will be a big day."**

"Sounds good, I want to cook for you if you don't mind."

**"I'll call Pauline and excuse her for the day."**

We make it to the apartment a little before 6. I will say I won't miss this traffic. It is so much easier to get around in a car in Seattle. I go straight to the kitchen and start dinner. Pauline has made sure I have plenty of ingredients to choose from. Christian disappears to the bedroom, only to reappear in a t-shirt and jeans.

**"Can I help?"**

"I would love it if you would. Just start chopping that onion. Here is the cutting board and the knives are in that drawer over there."

I can tell he seems a little lost so I peel the onion and hand it back.

"Just do the best you can. It doesn't need to be pretty I am going to sauté it."

I get busy on the sides. I look over and notice Christian wiping tears from his eyes. I can't help but laugh.

"You okay? I didn't mean to make you cry." I tease.

**"What in the world is this onion doing to me? My eyes are burning. I had always heard that an onion could make you tear up, but this is ridiculous."**

"It must be a strong one. Just work through it. Use this towel to wipe your eyes." I throw is over his shoulder.

He finishes up the onion and I sauté it with fresh garlic. I continue working and ask Christian to just sit and talk to me.

"Could you get some wine?"

**"Certainly."**

I cook, he pours and we chat. It feels so normal and relaxed, like we have done this for years. We move to the dining room to eat and continue our conversation.

**"Ana, how do you see your life progressing?"**

"Honestly, I hope to be a senior editor one day. I do have a secret desire to write a book, but not for a while."

**"What about your private life?"**

"I don't know, I guess I never really thought about it. I mean of course I want to get married one day. I would love to have children too, but I'm only 22. I really want to just live in the moment for now. What about you?"

**"Well I have already achieved all of by business goals, although I am sure I will never be done building my empire. I never really thought about my private life before you. Now I see myself married. I don't know about kids. I don't think I am really father material."**

"I can't think of anyone who would make a better father. You don't give yourself the credit you deserve. Think about it, you have had the worst and best examples of parent's in one lifetime. I know you would never allow your child to be abused as you were. Do you remember how you felt after our session in the playroom?"

**"Yes, I felt guilty and empty."**

"Magnify that feeling a million times over, you love me, I know this. The love you feel for me will be nothing compared to the instant love you will feel for a child one day. We are talking your flesh and blood. Can you imagine hurting your own innocent blood?"

**"Never. I just worry about my anger and control issues."**

"Since you have been in New York I have seen you make huge strides controlling your anger and other issues. They will always be something you deal with and honestly there are times when those traits are positive. You will never be a push over. Your children won't be able to get anything over on you. Me on the other hand, they will have me wrapped around their finger. I don't think I will ever be able to say no."

**"I doubt that. You are too stubborn to be taken advantage of."**

"True, I can be very stubborn, especially with you." I grin.

**"How about I tie you up and make you beg for mercy while I assault your most intimate parts."**

"You'll have to catch me first." I know the conversation is too heavy for him and we need to lighten his mood, especially if he plans to tie me up. I want playful fifty in bed with me. I run around the dining table into the kitchen. He is gaining on me so I make a circle around the island before sprinting into the living room. Damn he's fast. I will have to take advantage of my petite stature. I jump over the back of the couch. He narrowly misses my arm. It takes him a second to change directions. I taunt him while running toward the bedroom. "Getting slow in your old age Mr. Grey?" I know he will catch me and honestly I am worn out. Note to self: start working out when I get back to Seattle. Before I make it across the threshold he scoops me up and throws me over his shoulder and tosses me on the bed.

**"You are in big trouble Miss Steele."**

"Really are you going to punish me?" I know he won't hurt me and I quite enjoyed the last time he smacked my behind.

**"Would you like me to punish you?"**

"Maybe a little." I say biting my lower lip.

**"Keep biting that lip and you will get your wish."**

I bite it again and he pounces. Before I know it he has my clothes removed. Wow he moves like a lion attacking its prey. Then I am over his knee and there is a SMACK. I jump. It stings slightly, but not painful. Then comes another smack on the opposite cheek. After 2 swats he rubs his hand over my skin softly and I feel myself getting wet.

**"Did that hurt?"**

"No."

**"Can you handle a few more?"**

"Yes, please."

**"Ok, I am going to give you 10 swats and then I am going to roll you over and fuck you. Are you ready? I want you to count Anastasia."**

"Yes." I moan.

I count as he swats me 10 times. Each are a little harder than the last, but not painful. He reaches 10 and I am overcome with anticipation. He lays me back on the bed and undoes his pants. They drop to the floor and he charges at me. Before I can think he slams into me. I let out a deep groan as he continues the onslaught.

**"Fuck Ana! You feel incredible."**

I meet his motion thrusting my hips upward. I can feel the tightening in my core.

"Please Christian, don't stop." My words urge him on. Two more thrusts and I let go. My pleasure roars and I yell his name over and over in between the occasional "YES!" Just at my peak he releases. I love feeling his muscles tense just before his undoing. I reach up and claw at his chest and we finish. He falls to my side. I am spent and I almost immediately fall asleep. I wake up to music and I know Christian must be playing. I hope he isn't troubled by something. I know he usually plays when he has something he's trying to sort out. I read and Christian plays. I find my robe and wander into the living room. He is spectacular. I watch from a distance as his back flexes while his fingers stroke the keys. The song is gloomy and slow, a perfect indication that something is troubling him. Should I go to him or leave him to work through it? I decide to leave. I may mention it later and see if he wants to talk. I go back to bed and just listen. Eventually the music lulls me to sleep. I wake burning up. It is so hot. I have to get out of these covers. I realize that Christian has his entire body draped across me. He is sleeping soundly, but I fear getting nauseous if I don't cool down. I do my best to move is legs off of me. Slowly I roll away and crash onto the floor. I quickly get to my feet and look over the side of bed. Thank goodness he didn't stir. I guess whatever he was worried about got worked out. I go to the bathroom and hop in the shower. I am not sure what time it is, but I know we have plans this morning and I want to be ready. I go and start breakfast to let Christian get a few more minutes of rest. By the time breakfast is ready Christian is wide eyed and bushy tailed.

**"Ready for our last day in New York?"**

"You seem excited. Are you ready to send me off?" I say a little sad.

**"Not at all, I just know we are going to have a great time today."**

"You have plans don't you? I mean other than flying."

**"Guilty."**

"Oh I suspect it will have your signature all over it." He beams.

**"Let's eat and get this show on the road."**

We are greeted at the heliport by a man in his late forty's. I assume he will be the pilot. I am mistaken. Him and Christian talk in pilot lingo. The only thing I gather is that Christian will be flying and we will be alone. I am secretly ecstatic. I don't want to have to temper our conversation because I third party could over hear. We take off. As we soar over the East River I take in the skyline. It is so massive, so much larger than Seattle. He flies me by the Empire State Building and I remember our first official date in New York. I look over and I can tell he remembers too. Then we soar past the flat iron building. I can make it out by the outline of the roof. Next I see ground zero. I say a silent prayer for all who lost loved ones that fateful day. I was 11, but I remember watching the footage on television for days and just feeling like helpless. New York City always seemed so far and foreign from my small town upbringing, but that day the world seemed so small, like it was my neighbors who were grieving. I see the Statue of Liberty in the distance. I can only imagine what it would have been like to be on a boat with hopes and dreams and being greeted by such a majestic sight. It is definitely more breathtaking in person. She represents everything this country was founded on. I notice that the helicopter is descending. I shoot him a perplexed look.

"Why are we landing?"

**"I'm taking you somewhere."**

We land on Ellis Island. I am excited. I had wanted to visit during my outings with Joe, but never found the time. I hope it isn't crowded. I assume it won't be too bad since it is the middle of the week. We land and are greeted by a woman in her mid-fifties. She smiles and waits for the rotors to come to a stop. Christian lifts his hand to help me out then places it on my lower back as we walk.

**_"Hello, Mr. Grey I am Annette. I will be guiding you through the museum today. Once the tour is done I will drop you with Charlie for the next leg of your visit. Right this way."_**

We follow Annette into the main entrance. "Why is no one here today? I assumed it would be pretty crowded."

**_"Mr. Grey has reserved the island for the duration of the day."_**

I give Christian a, you can't be serious look. He just shrugs his shoulders and continues on. Just like him to rent a National Park for privacy.

Annette is an excellent tour guide. She spends the next two hours giving details of what it was like to arrive at Ellis Island as an immigrant. I am enthralled, taking it all in. I feel like this is something every American should have on their bucket list. I do understand not every American can have the place all to themselves. I am sure the regular tour would have sufficed. Christian Grey always full of surprises, I wonder if I will ever get used to it. About lunch time we are passed along to Charlie. I am starving so I hope Charlie has food. He leads us back to the interior hall. There is a table for two set and a waiter awaiting our arrival.

"Seriously." Christian shrugs again. I just roll my eyes. I figure that will get him to do something other than shrug.

**"Watch it Miss Steele, I am sure I can find a room to discipline you in."**

"You wouldn't dare."

**"Wouldn't I?"**

My mind is appalled at the very thought, but my traitorous body intrigued. I ignore my quivering loins and vow to watch my eye rolling, for now. Lunch is spectacular. Christian definitely picked the food. I must admit he has exquisite taste in cuisine and wine. I am never disappointed. Actually, I don't think he has ever disappointed me when it comes to my care. I remind myself to thank him PRIVATELY for that. With that thought my body tenses. I hope he doesn't see me blushing. Who am I kidding?

**"Would you like to share your thoughts Ana?"**

I glance to the waiter and just look at him wide eyed. Christian sends him fetching bread and I know I will have to spill.

**"He's gone so what is it that has you so bothered."**

"You." it is all I can manage to say.

**"Really? What exactly about me do you like?"**

"Everything."

**"Well the feeling is mutual. Now that you have my FULL attention let's finish lunch and find somewhere private to appreciate each other completely."**

"Here? We couldn't possibly get away with that."

**"You finish your food and let me worry about that."**

I can barely eat. My mind is spinning thinking of him sneaking me into a private corner. I know Christian will be livid if I don't eat so I force down ¾ of the meal, take a big gulp of wine. I think I may need a little liquid courage.

**"Ready?"**

"As ready as I will ever be." I place my napkin on the table and Christian pulls out my chair for me to stand. I am certainly glad I wore a dress today.

Christian grabs me tight by the hand and whisked me into a private office. He reaches down and locks the door.

**"We will have to be quick." **

He rips my underwear from my body and stuffs in in his jeans pocket. I feel sorry for all the pretty panties that have been destroyed at the hands of Mr. Grey. He unzips his pants and pulls his boxers down letting me see his full length. My breath hitches. I place my hands around his neck and he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and slide down onto him. He spins pressing me against the door and begins to move. His mouth his on my neck, my collarbone, neck again then finally his tongue parts my lips. I follow the rhythm of his lips and hips. It doesn't take long and I fall over the edge. I don't want to make noise so I claw into his back and bite down on his shoulder. It only encourages him. He empties into me as he pulls my hair hard. Once he is done he kisses me softly on the cheek and sets me down. He cleans us both with his handkerchief. I straighten myself as he dresses. We slip out of the room all smiles. I feel like a kid who just got one over on her parents. We make our way back to the helicopter and continue my air tour of the city I have grown to love.

That night we opt for takeout. We eat in the living room in our pajamas and enjoy another movie from my gifted collection. When the movie is over I just lay my head on his chest. I don't want this to end.

"Promise me we will be okay." I choke back my tears.

Christian spins me around to face him.

**"We will, I promise."**

"How do you know?"

**"I know how we feel about each other and I will make sure we are."**

We sit wrapped in each other's arms silent. Christian is the first to speak.

**"Ana. I have been thinking about the last month and how happy I have been. I have never known this kind of happiness. Hell I don't know if I knew what it was until you. I don't want to ever be without you. I want you to wake up in my bed every morning. I want to know that you are mine."**

"You have that Christian. I planned on staying with you every night at Escala, if you would have me."

**"I don't think you understand. I want you, all of you. I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me Anastasia Rose Steele?"**

I am dumbfounded. I love this man and I want to be with him and only him, but marry him. We have been good for a month. How could he think either of us is ready for that kind of commitment? I don't want to say no, but I don't think I can say yes, not yet. I need to know we can go back to Seattle and settle as a couple. Be in our everyday environment, around his family, my friends. Shit, I don't want him to think I am rejecting him. The tears are streaming. I have never been more torn. I find the courage to speak.

"Can I think about it?"

**"You don't want to be mine?" **

Shit he is sad, he feels like I am rejecting him.

"It's not that. I just need some time. I need us to go back to Seattle and settle in and see how it works."

**"Never mind, just forget I said anything. I knew it was a stupid idea."**

"Christian stop! Look at me. I didn't say no. We have only been good for a month, before that well you know." I don't even want to think about it. "I just think we need a little more time. We are both young and there is time to make these decisions. I don't want either of us to have any regrets."

He storms off. I decide to give him time. I know he went to work. That is what he does when he is angry. I make sure all of my things are ready to go for my early flight then I slip into bed. I will let him work off his steam and hopefully we can have a civil conversation in the morning.


	64. Chapter 63

I was expecting negative reviews, but to have some question my personal character because of the way I write a story. Please keep your personal thoughts about me to yourself. These are fictional characters. In no way does this reflect the real life of myself or anyone else I know.

I own nothing...

Chapter 62

My alarm is screaming in my ear. I reach my phone a hit snooze. It's 4 am. I reach out for Christian. His side of the bed is still made. I get up and to search for him. I don't want to leave things a mess. I frantically search every room, but he is not to be found. I wonder where he went. I decide that I need to stop getting anxious, he will be back, he won't let me go to the airport alone, I hope. My mood is plummeting. I could have just said yes and none of this would be happening. I mean I do want to marry him eventually withstanding we can manage this path back home. Who am I kidding? We promised to be honest. I was honest and now he is punishing me. I shower and get dressed. I will try to eat at the airport there is no way my stomach would accept any food in this state. I wait as long as possible until I realize he isn't coming back. Out of obligation I send him a text. There is no way I can talk to him not now.

*Headed to the airport. I guess I will see you some time Saturday. I love you.

I call a cab and wait for a reply. Half way there he finally sends me some sign that he is alive.

*Ok. See you Saturday.

That's it. That's all I get? No I love you. At this moment how can I regret asking for time? He is such a petulant child sometimes. Seriously, I cannot believe that he is going to punish me for this. Whatever! Today is going to be a very long day and I don't have time to play these games. I breeze through security and find a Starbucks. I grab a chai tea and a piece of coffee cake. It is going to be a long flight and I hate the food they serve. We board quickly. I am thankful for the First Class ticket that Maggie bought. I will have to send her a thank you gift when I get back. Once allowed I put in my ear buds in and listen to Christian's playlist. He makes me crazy, but I love him more than anything. I must have drifted off because the next thing I know the flight attendant is telling me to raise my seat for landing. It is early still on the west coast so I decide to hail a cab to take me to the apartment and drop my belongings. Well I guess I need to decide which apartment? Kate's is closer to the office and I will want to see her tonight so I will go there. Kate isn't home. Surprise, surprise I am sure she is practically living with Elliot. I freshen up and walk to WP. Maggie is frantically working when I arrive.

"Hey Maggie. I'm back."

**_"Oh Ana, thank god. I would love to sit and chat but I have that new author coming in the next 10 minutes. Can you make sure coffee is made and there are snacks available?"_**

"Sure. Whatever you need just ask."

**_"Take these and start going through everything. I need all of that ready to edit by tomorrow. We've really missed you Ana."_**

"I missed you too. I will have it all ready. Now relax you will do great. Take a breath."

**_"I know I just really want to sign this one. He is thinking of leaving SIP. Breaking his contract just because we have a better reputation and he feels like we may be a better fit. He will sign on for a multi-book deal and this could make our year. He has been a New York Times Best Selling Author 10 times."_**

"Are saying you may get Jeff Yates to sign with WP? Oh Maggie that would be incredible. No wonder you are nervous."

**_"I hear he is single and quite good looking. It is too bad you are taken and Kelly lives on the east coast."_**

"I am sure he doesn't have any trouble getting dates. I have seen pictures he is quite handsome."

Just as I am finishing my sentence Jeff Yates in the flesh is standing in the front door. I hope he didn't hear any of that conversation. I know I am blushing as I reach out and shake his hand.

"Hello Mr. Yates, I am Anastasia Steele. I assume you are here to see Maggie?"

_"Well hello Miss Steele it is very nice to meet you. I am here to see Maggie, but you are a welcome addition." _

Sex drips off his words and if I wasn't so taken with Christian they may have affected me.

"Right this way sir. May I get you anything to drink or eat?"

_"Just some water please, my mouth is very dry."_

I look toward Maggie and she is staring in awe. I can tell the next few hours are going to be uncomfortable for me. I can't exactly tell him off for his overly sexual tone. Maggie would most certainly lose the account. I don't want to give him any hope of getting any further with me. Hell I was proposed to by another man yesterday and even if he is barely speaking to me today, I am not available. Once Maggie closes the door I shoot Christian an email.

I hate the way I left things. I should have gone after him and talked it through. I'm just scared and I blamed it on him. I mean I know I want to marry him and just because we are engaged doesn't mean we have to get married tomorrow. Shit! Ana you are a bitch. The man has done nothing but bend over backwards for the last month declaring his love and you shoot him down. This is Christian we are talking about. He is not just some guy who will get over it and come crawling back. You may have just pushed him right back into his old ways. Why do I sabotage myself? I have been worried for weeks about how things are going to be back here and I screw it up before we ever leave.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **I am beyond sorry

**Date: **August 16, 2012 – 11:05 am

**To: **Christian Grey

I hate how we left this. I love you. Please let me explain better. Let's talk this through. I'm just scared.

x Ana

Humbled Assistant Editor, William Publishing, LTD.

I hit send and wait. After 10 minutes of staring at the screen and refreshing 40 times I decide to get busy on work. I may fall apart if I think about it. I might have just screwed up something perfect. About 2 hours later I get a ping in my inbox. Thank God.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **A lot to think about

**Date: **August 16, 2012 – 3:30 pm

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I don't want to discuss this via email. I will call you later.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holding, Inc.

Well that could have gone better. At least Maggie is having better luck today. Mr. Yates leaves around 4 pm and I can tell Maggie is ecstatic.

"I assume that it went well?"

**_"It went better than well. He signed with us. However, he wants you to be his editor."_**

"Okay. Of course I will do that. Oh my God Maggie this is amazing. You have got to get home and tell Mark."

**_"I am headed straight there. I want to tell him in person. You leave. That stuff can wait. I know you have to be exhausted."_**

"Thanks Maggie, I'll see you tomorrow."

Walking home I decide to be proactive and call Christian. It is after 7 pm there and he should be available. It rings twice and he picks up.

**"Yes Miss Steele."**

"Christian please don't shut me out."

**"What do you need? I said I would call you."**

"I know, but I miss you and I wanted to hear your voice."

**"So now you've heard it. What else can I help you with?"**

"I'm sorry. I didn't express myself right. I love you more than anything and it isn't that I don't want to be your wife. I'm just scared."

**"And you think I'm not?"**

I can tell I hit a nerve.

**"I have never had a girlfriend before you. Hell, there are tons of things I have never done before you. I certainly never thought I would want to get married or consider having a family. Yet here I am hopelessly in love with you and I want to give you everything, all of me. I just can't understand why you don't feel the same way."**

"Is that what you think? That I don't want to give you all of me? You have all of me. I am afraid you will get tired of all of me. What if you want your old life back? I can't be your submissive. I can't be whipped and beat. You have needs Christian. You have lived this way for a long time and how could I possibly believe that knowing me 3 months could ease that desire? You will get tired of me and my neediness and where will that leave me? You will go back to your contracts and I will be shattered."

**"Ana, I had no idea that you felt this strongly about it. I couldn't possibly go back. I have seen my more. You are my heart. When I say that it is not just to get in your pants, I mean every word of it. Do you think I would have chased any of my subs across the country? Do you think I would have ever let them give me "rules"? I wouldn't and I haven't because I used them to fill a need that I don't need filled any more. I love you Ana. I want you to be my wife. I wanted to ask you a million times over the last 2 weeks and I was afraid you would say no. I just blurted it our yesterday and you proved me right."**

"Ask me again."

**"What?"**

"Ask me again. Ask me to marry you again. Please!"

**"Ana will you be my wife?"**

"Yes, a million times yes. I want to be Mrs. Christian Grey. I am sorry for reacting badly. I love you!"

**"I love you. I am coming home tonight. I cannot be away from you for another minute. Go to Escala and wait for me."**

"Okay. I'll see you tonight."

He hangs up and I find that I am back at Kate's. She is still not home so I gather some belongings and hop in Bertha. I arrive at Escala a little after 5 and Gail is there to greet me.

_"Miss Steele, so nice to see you again."_

"Please call me Ana. It is nice to see you too."

_"Would you like something to eat?"_

"On 2 conditions, you allow me to help and you eat with me."

_"I was actually going to join Jason for dinner."_

"Jason? Oh Taylor. Are you guys dating?"

She blushes and I smile.

"That is great. Have him join us. Unless you were wanting some private time?"

_"No I am sure he wouldn't mind."_

"Great. Tell me where to start."

She instructs me as to what her plan was. I get all the ingredients while she gets all the prep tools. Once everything is out we begin. I enjoy chatting with her about her life and her job. I hope Christian will show his new domesticated side to Gail. I think it will please her. Taylor joins us for dinner and talks non-stop about his daughter Sophie. She seems like a great girl. I hope to meet her eventually. I help Gail clean up and then I head to the bedroom. I need a hot bath. I soak in the hot water in great anticipation for Christian's arrival. I'm engaged. I am going to be Mrs. Christian Grey, eventually. Once the water turns cold I get out. I braid my hair and slip on one of Christian's t-shirts. I snuggle into bed with a book and doze off.

_"Miss Steele. You need to wake up."_

I open my heavy eyes to see Taylor.

"What's wrong?"

_"It's Christian. He's been in an accident."_

"What? What happened? Is he okay?"

_"The plane hit a wind shear and went down. He is in unconscious and being airlifted to Seattle Grace. I will take you there. Get dressed."_

Unconscious, I know that is not good, but how bad are his injuries? Seattle Grace is where is mom works so I know she will be on top of this. I need to see him. I need to make sure he is okay. Taylor speeds to the hospital and drops me at the door. I find Grace immediately.

_"Oh Ana, it is so good to see you. I am glad that you are back."_

"How is he Grace?"

_"He's in a medically induced coma. His brain was swelling and they needed to let it rest. This is the best thing in this situation."_

"Is he going to be okay?"

_"I can't say sweetheart. It is touch and go. Christian is strong though. If anyone can make it through it is him."_

She wraps me in a hug and I sob.

"Can I see him?"

_"I'll take you in. He is badly bruised and there are a lot of wires and machines. His head is wrapped up. Don't be afraid, he should be able to hear you so just talk to him."_

I walk close the bed trying to keep my emotions in check. I am so grateful I had the conversation today, but I can't help but feel guilty. He was coming home early to see me. He could be in New York safe and sound if it hadn't been for me.

"Christian its Ana. I love you and I need you to come back to me. Please just come back to me. I can't live without you. We have so much to look forward to. I am sorry that I hurt you and I want to make it up to you. Please come back." I sob in his chest and then kiss his lips. There is no movement. I just sit watching him all night. The next morning they take him to get an MRI to check the swelling. Grace forces me to go with Kate to the cafeteria and eat. We all know how badly Christian would react if he knew I wasn't eating. I eat a few bites and tell Kate I have to get back. She walks with me not saying a word.

"He proposed to me."

_"What?" Kate says._

"He proposed. He asked me to be his wife."

_"That is wonderful Ana. I am so happy for you."_

"I asked if I could think about it. He was mad and I left. I called him today and explained. He asked again and I said yes. He wasn't supposed to come home today. He was coming Saturday and then I said yes and he decided to fly today. This is my fault Kate. He is here because of me." I say in a catatonic voice.

_"Ana look me in the eyes." She spins me. "This is Christian Grey we are talking about, the most stubborn man in the world. You know he would have moved heaven and earth to get to you. This is not your fault. It was a horrible accident."_

"If I had just let him be mad at me he would be safe. He would be sleeping safe in his bed in New York. Either way I was going to lose him. Why? I just don't want to lose him Kate."

_"You won't Ana. You aren't, I promise."_

"I wish it was that easy."

We get back up to the room and Grace tells me they are going to try to get him out of the coma. The swelling has reduced significantly and they don't want to keep him under any longer than necessary.

"Will he wake up today?"

_"I don't know Ana. The brain is a mystery. We can only hope for the best." Grace wraps her arm around me. "Just keep talking to him Ana. You were able to reach him when no one else could. If he is going to wake up it will be for you."_

"I hope so, Grace."

I call Maggie and promise to take work home to help her catch up. She dismisses my suggestion urging me to stay with Christian. For the next 3 days I rarely leave his side. I eat and sleep just enough to survive. I talk to him for hours. I reminisce about our time in New York. I laugh and cry, sometime simultaneously. On Tuesday morning at 6:05 am he opens his eyes.

"Hey. How do you feel?" I say.

**"I have a headache. What happened?'**

"You were in a plane crash. You have been in a coma for 5 days."

**"Are you my nurse?"**

"Well it is good to know you still have your sense of humor."

**"What do you mean? I am serious. Are you my nurse?"**

"No Christian I am not your nurse." I reach up to touch him.

**"What the fuck are you doing? Nobody touches me. Who the hell are you? Why do you think it would be okay to touch me?" **

He is screaming at me and the tears are flowing down my face. Grace bursts into the room trying to figure out what is happening.

"He doesn't know me Grace. He thinks I'm a stranger."

_"Ana go out and let me speak to him. He needs to calm down or he is going to hurt himself."_

I stand in shock tears soaking my shirt repeating. "He doesn't know me. He doesn't know me."

Grace physically eases me out the door and I crash to the floor. I have to be dreaming. I start pinching myself, hitting my face willing myself to wake from this nightmare. Kate rushes to my side.

_"Ana what it wrong? Stop hitting yourself." She forces my hands away from my body._

I yell at her. "He doesn't know me Kate. He thought I was his nurse, a complete stranger."

Kate holds me as I sob uncontrollably.

"I lost him. I lost him forever!"


	65. Chapter 64

Thanks for the reviews. I knew this would be shocking. I couldn't resist.

Chapter 64

Grace exits the room. I look up at her lost.

_"Ana I am so sorry. This is not unusual after a head injury. You just have to go easy on him. Do little things that may trigger his memory. It could all come back any time."_

"What if it doesn't? Is it possible that it may never return?"

_"Yes, but I don't want you to think about that. I want you to treat this as temporary. He is so much better for knowing you Ana. Don't give up on him."_

"I love him Grace. He asked me to be his wife. I will never give up on him."

_"He proposed? That is great news Ana. That means you are embedded in his heart. He will remember you. He has too." _

"What should I do right now? I don't want him to get mad again."

_"I told him I was going to send you in. He promised to be on his best behavior. Just go slow and be patient. He will have questions. Just answer them honestly."_

"Okay, thanks Grace." She just smiles.

I open the door slowly. I stand just looking at him full of a million emotions. I want to run into his open arms and kiss his lips. I am thrilled that he is alive. I am scared, scared to touch him or talk to him. I don't want him to get angry. So I just stand still too afraid to move.

**"Ana? That is your name?"**

"Yes" I look at my feet.

**"Sit."**

I obey and sit still not looking into his eyes.

**"Are you my submissive?"**

I come immediately out of my trance.

"Absolutely NOT!" I am firm with my answer. I don't want him to mistake my actions as being his submissive.

**"Then who are you?"**

"I am your fiance'."

**"Impossible. I have never even had a girlfriend."**

"Actually you have. You have had one and I am her."

**"How did we meet?"**

"Your mom said you need to rest so I will tell you a little of our story every day. Hopefully something will trigger a memory. In the meantime ask me any question you want."

**"Do I let you touch me?"**

"Yes and you enjoy it." I see the surprise in his eyes.

**"What happened to Charlotte?"**

"You ended her contract after you met me, but before we had a relationship."

**"Can you leave for a while I need to make some phone calls."**

"I know you are skeptical. I will have Taylor bring the files. Then you can see all the dates, my background check, that I don't have an NDA or a contract."

**"You didn't sign an NDA? Why?"**

"You decided you wanted me more than you wanted the NDA."

**"This is not possible. I never do any transaction without an NDA."**

"Christian I am not a transaction. I am the love of your life and you are mine. I know you don't remember, but I hope one day you will. In the mean time I will take it slow and keep as much distance as you need." I reach up and touch his hand, hoping he will allow it. The electricity runs through us and his eyes get big. "We are magical together Christian. You will see. I will be back later. If you need anything your mom knows how to get a hold of me."

I keep calm until the door closes and then I lose it. How can this be happening? I should be in his bed at Escala waking up with his body wrapped around me. Now I am going to have to convince the man I love that he loves me. I have to think. What would trigger memories? I spend the next 2 hours driving around Seattle. I have to start from the beginning. I am not sure what will trigger a memory so I will have to start with the article and go from there.

"Kate do you have a copy of the article that you did on Christian?"

_"Of course why?"_

"Just bring it to the hospital. I have an idea."

_"Okay I'll meet you there in 15."_

"Thanks Kavanaugh."

_"No problem Steele. I hope it works."_

I meet Kate in the hallway and get the article. I knock before I enter.

"How are you feeling?"

**"Like I was in a plane crash genius."**

"Ok well that is understandable." I can't let his moods get me worked up. This is how he has always treated people. I have to remember I am not special to him, yet.

"I wanted to share something with you." I am grateful that Kate kept the recording too. "Just read this."

He reads it and looks at me blankly. I hand him the recording and press play. It plays back our entire conversation. His eyes light up a little. I can tell he recognizes the recording. I am starting to let myself hope a little. Suddenly, he throws the recorder across the room.

**"Why the hell would you bring this to me?"**

"What is wrong? Why are you so upset?"

**"Leave Ana. I'm tired and I want you to leave."**

"Okay Christian. I am sorry I upset you. I love you even if you don't love me. I won't quit until you remember how much you love me too."

He won't even look at me. My chest is burning. The anxiety is setting in. I have to get him back. I just have to. I decide to call in reinforcements.

"John, its Ana. I know I haven't talked to you since the coping dinner, but something has happened and I need your help. Can I come to your office?"

_"Sure Ana. Is everything okay?"_

"No it isn't, but I hope it will be."

I race to his office as fast a Bernice will allow. I can't get up to the 10th floor fast enough. We do the introductions and he asks me to come in and sit. I immediately start spilling all the details. After 30 minutes of listening to me talk through my tears John speaks.

_"I will help however I can Ana. I wish I had been able to speak to you before now. You have to understand how much Christian loves you. He has made great strides in the last 3 months. You have healed him more than I have been able to in 6 years. We will work together on this. I won't let him regress back into his old life not after knowing how much more he can have with you."_

"Thank you John. I will never forget how you walked Christian through our break up. He was a different person and I don't want to lose him to his demons."

_"Me either. I will meet you at the hospital tomorrow morning. I think you should give Christian the night to rest. I am sure he is overwhelmed."_

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning."

_"Oh Ana, call Grace and make sure she keeps Elena away from Christian. She will not be beneficial to his recovery."_

"No worries John. That was my first conversation with Grace when I arrived at the hospital. I didn't know Christian would lose his memory, but I did know I didn't want her trying to get her claws in him while he was weak. Grace doesn't know the details. She's trusting me."

I leave and head to Escala. I want to be in his home with his things. It is a consolation, but I will take what I can get right now. I put on one of his t-shirts and sweatpants. I find myself in his closet touching all of his clothes then smelling them remembering his scent. I won't be able to make it if he doesn't remember me. I find myself in his office just sitting at his desk. I run my hands over the surface. I twirl in his chair. I get up and get the key to the playroom. My last memory in here was not a pleasant one, but it is part of Christian and I would let him take me in here every day if it meant I had him back. He got rid of the whips and canes so I am sure he wouldn't hurt me. I trust that he wouldn't hurt me. I crawl into the bed and lay on the satin sheets. I bury my head into the pillow and scream. This is not fair. I get up lock the door and go to bed. I cry myself to sleep. I can't even escape in my dreams. The morning comes and I roll out of bed. I know I am just going through the motions. Alone I will allow myself to feel everything. When I am with Christian I will have to be a rock. He cannot know that I am dying inside not yet. I meet John in the lobby of the hospital. I wait outside Christian's room while they talk.

**"Hello John, to what do I owe the pleasure?"**

_"Christian. You look like hell."_

**"Thanks, why are you here?"**

_"I saw Ana yesterday."_

**"So she has filled you in as to my memory loss. Are you here to magically give me my memories back?"**

_"I wish it was that easy. I would like to help you sort through this."_

**"So you want to force feed me memories of her?"**

_"No I want you to remember how she healed you."_

**"What exactly do you mean she healed me? Was I broken? My life was in perfect order under complete control as far as I remember."**

_"Was it? Because as I recall you were living a lonely desolate life where you worked during the week and beat brunettes on the weekends."_

**"That was by design and you know it."**

_"All I am asking is that you listen to her. Hear her out. Let her tell about your life with her. You love her Christian. You need to hear it all to realize how important she is to you and you to her."_

**"Why hasn't Elena come by?"**

_"You cut her out of your life Christian. Let Ana tell you. You need to hear it from her to see her pain. You caused her great pain and then won her back. I will be here to help you both through this, but you have to try."_

**"I really cut Elena off?"**

_"You did."_

**"I'll try, but I am not sure if this is going to work. I can't remember anything about her. She brought a recording of her interviewing me. It made me aroused. Then she touched my hand and I felt something. What it was I was not sure. I am attracted to her, but I don't remember anything."**

_"There is a reason you are attracted to her. Let yourself feel that and hopefully your head will follow suit. Call me anytime day or night. Ana has my number and she will do the same. Trust her Christian she knows you better than anyone, even me."_

John exits the room. I can only hope it went well. I didn't hear any yelling so that is good.

_"Go talk to him Ana. Be patient, but he is willing to try to hear what you have to say. Just start at the beginning and tell him every detail. I told him to contact me anytime day or night. I want you to do the same."_

"Thanks John. I hope this will work. I will call you if I need you I promise."

I enter the room and stare directly into Christians eyes. They are dark and glazed. I know he is his old self and I will have to tread carefully. I don't want to push him further into himself.

"Thanks for talking to John. I didn't know who else to call."

**"He said we are really good together."**

"Oh Christian we are soul mates. We drive each other absolutely insane. We challenge each other and yet are madly in love."

**"Well I promised John I would try. So tell me. Start from the beginning."**

I just start talking. Retelling every detail about the interview, my graduation, the day I moved and ran into him at the gas station. Then when I went on the job interview at SIP and ended up in front of GEH. He laughed a couple of times in disbelief at my nerve. I know he recognized that not many people would treat him this way and get away with it. The club story really gets him. I can tell he is in absolute disbelief that I would have puked on his shoes and he took me to Escala and only slept beside me. Of course I explained my walk of shame and running into Charlotte. He can't contain his surprise. That is the day he broke his contract with her. I don't know what happened between them, but I have suspicions. I decide not to share those. If he wants to know he will have to find out himself. I continue up to when he asked me to sign the NDA.

**"You walked out?"**

"I did. I was attracted to you, but I couldn't in good faith sign it. I wanted to earn your trust so that you could understand I would never talk about the details of us or you to anyone."

**"You still don't have an NDA?"**

"Nope!"

**"How much do you know about me?"**

"I know everything. Your mom, the abuse, the hunger, why you liked submissives, your relationship with Elena. I know it all."

**"Have I taken you into the playroom?"**

Grace walks in before I can answer the question. I decide it is a good stopping point. I know he is exhausted so I leave to get lunch. I head to the cafeteria. Half way down the hall I see Elena coming straight for me. I set my mind to keep her away from Christian even if it means putting me in harm's way. As she gets closer I brace for her verbal assault. She doesn't disappoint.


	66. Chapter 65

Thanks for all of the reviews. I know this is a shocking turn of events. Keep reading I have plans.

Chapter 65

As she verbally assaults me I keep reminding myself to stay calm, ice in the veins Ana.

_"Well if it isn't the self-righteous Miss Steele."_

"What do you want Elena?" Ice in the veins.

_"I am here to see Christian."_

"Not gonna happen."

_"You really think you can keep me from him?"_

"I can and I will." Ice in the veins.

She tries to push past me and I grab her arm. I have enough shit to deal with right now, if she thinks I will not physically take her down she is sorely mistaken.

_"I am going to see him Anastasia, you cannot stop me. I know he will want to see me."_

Her venom is just rising to the surface.

"Elena I mean what I say. You will go know where near him and if you try I will have you physically removed."

_"Ha! I would like to see that. You are as spirited as ever Miss Steele. What are you so afraid of, that he may see me and never want to see you again?"_

Her words hit like a dagger to my heart. I keep my face impassive. I will not give this woman the satisfaction. I know she doesn't know about his memory loss. She is just grasping at straws.

I laugh it off. "You could only hope Elena. I wouldn't let you within 10 feet of that man. Not because I am afraid I may lose him, but because it is a courtesy I would pay to any victim."

_"Victim, Christian is in no way a victim. I made sure of that."_

I keep my voice low and steady. "I know exactly what you made sure of and it will be over my dead body that you ever get near him. You are a poisonous bitch that is only out for her own gain. You have proved that over and over. Christian has finally seen you for who you are and I will not allow you to use your abuse to get your claws back into him."

_"How dare you say I abused him, he needed me then and he needs me now."_

"Needed you, ha, he never needed you. The fact is you saw a scared boy and took advantage. It took what 6 years to groom him?"

_"How dare you. You know nothing about him."_

"Funny thing Elena, I know everything about him. He shared everything with me. Your six years of grooming and 6 years of keeping him under your wicked spell was broken, by me, in a little over a month. So if he needs anyone it is me. I am done with this conversation and you will either leave or I will have you thrown out."

_"This is far from over."_

"I am sure it isn't. You don't scare me in the least you pathetic, old hag."

She lunges to slap me, but someone catches her hand before she can get to me. It's Grace. I hope she didn't hear all of the conversation. I believe she deserves to know what this woman did to her son, but not like this. He needs to be the one to tell her.

**_"Elena, how dare you raise your hand to my son's future wife."_**

Her eyes widen. Take that bitch. She doesn't have to know that he doesn't remember me. Grace continues.

**_"I have called security. Either you leave on your own or I will have you removed."_**

Elena glares at me one last time and then turns and leaves. I am emotionally worn out. I wait until she is safely out of sight and hearing range, then I collapse in Grace's arms.

**_"Ana sweetie, I have no idea what that was all about, but I know Elena can be hard to deal with. I am trying to trust that you know best. I can't help but think it might have been easier to let her see him."_**

"No Grace she cannot see him. I can't tell you why, but you have to trust that she can't go anywhere near him, especially right now." I am begging her to just trust me.

**_"Okay Ana, as you wish. I know you want the best for Christian and I will trust your motives."_**

"Thank you Grace." I hug her tight.

**_"You are welcome. I came to get you. Christian asked to see you."_**

My stomach does a backflip. Does this mean he is starting to remember? I quickly call Taylor to get him on guard up here explaining that Elena is trying to see Christian. He is all too happy to oblige my request assuring me that she will not get past him. I breathe a sigh of relief, wipe my face and enter the room.

"Grace said you wanted to see me." His eyes are not as glazed as earlier. I take this as a good sign.

**"Did I hear Elena?"**

Shit. I tried to keep my voice down, but she was yelling at me. How is he going to handle this? I get a lump in my throat.

"Yes." I answer honestly. "She wanted to see you." I hope he doesn't lose it.

**"You didn't let her in though?"**

"No. If it was up to me she would never come near you again."

**"She is my friend. You have no right to keep her out." **

He's getting angry and I know I will have to be very careful. "Did Flynn tell you that you cut her out of your life?"

**"Yes. Why?"**

"I will have to continue our story for you to understand. If you're tired it can wait."

**"No I want to know. I asked if I took you to the playroom. Did I?"**

"Yes. Let me tell you a few things that led up to that." I don't let him answer I just talk. I go over how he came to my apartment because he couldn't get me out of his mind. How I gave him my virginity.

**"I chased you? I took your virginity? These are things I would never do."**

"But you did and it was amazing. You were so caring and gentle. It was beautiful. You explained how you didn't do vanilla sex, but you are wonderful at vanilla sex."

I continue on to the Coping Dinner and the evening after when he shared his abuse with me. How I confessed my love and he said he would hurt me.

"This is when you took me to the playroom." I keep going giving all the details. He hit me, I took it, I turned and asked if he felt better then left. In the meantime, he got rid of his canes, belts and whips. That same night he let me touch him and I have been doing it ever since. I spare no detail and I can see his eyes lighting up a little. I place my hand on his as the electricity flows over our skin.

"I know you feel this. The electric current that occurs when we touch, can I kiss you?"

**"What you say is so out of character for me. This does not seem like something I would forget. I am very attracted to you, so I know there must be something between us. Why can't I remember?"**

I lean down and kiss him softly. God I have missed those lips on me. My knees get weak. His hand comes behind my hair and cups the back of my head pressing me in for a deeper kiss. I break away first, breathless, not wanting to hurt him. I really wanted to climb on top of the bed and have his arms around me. It is too soon physically for him and emotionally for me. He needs to remember more.

**"Well that was unexpected."**

"I told you, pure magic." I smile. I decide to have Flynn come by today and back up my story.

**"You haven't answered my question about Elena."**

"Our story is complicated. I'm getting to it, be patient." Who am I kidding? This is Christian, the Christian before New York. I have more patience in my little finger than he possesses in his entire body.

I just talk fast not giving him a chance to reprimand me. I continue to when Elena showed up unannounced and we had a confrontation.

**"Wait. Elena just showed up. She didn't call me?"**

"No she just came over early the morning after the Coping Dinner. You were in the shower and I was making breakfast. She forced her way past me when I told her you weren't available. We got into a war of words and then she slapped me."

**"She what?"**

"She slapped me. You saw it and kicked her out."

**"I am livid right now. I don't understand why I feel this way. I want to call and rip her a new one."**

I smile inside. He doesn't realize why, but I do. He loves me and he would destroy anyone who tried to hurt me. I hope the emotions will continue to flow as I replay everything for him. He may not remember me, but deep down he can't deny our connection. I just keep going. I tell him about running into Charlotte at the drug store. I tell him from my point of view. I don't need him reacting badly again. Then I get to the day, the day that changed everything. It was the worst day of my life at the time. Now I see it as the catalyst to our happiness. I don't think Christian would have changed so quickly and drastically without this event. A peace comes over me and I know I can finally put that day behind me. I wish that the circumstances right now were different, but Christian proved in New York how much he loved me and this little blip in our history is just that, a blip. I can tell by his expression that he is confused.

**"What did Elena tell me about you when I went to her?"**

"I don't really know all the details. I gather that she convinced you that I was trying to trap you by getting pregnant. She sees me as a money grubbing weakling that isn't good enough for you."

**"But you weren't pregnant?" **

"No Christian I wasn't and I didn't want to be." I continue telling him how he found out the truth from his mother. That is the point that he cut Elena off. He knew she wasn't looking out for his best interest she just wanted to control him. She thought if she could control him that he would go back to his old way of life.

"You really should talk to Flynn about this. He will be better able to fill in the details. I had already left for New York and I didn't talk to you again for 2 weeks. You talked to Flynn a lot during that time. Do you want me to have him come by today?"

**"Yes. I feel like I am living in the twilight zone. None of this sounds like me."**

"I know Christian. I wish I could just snap my fingers and you would have all of your memories back. They are wonderful and I know even I won't be able to do them justice. This is very hard for me too. I miss you. I ache for you. I want so badly for this to just a bad dream." I tear up and I see the concern in his eyes.

**"I'm sorry Ana. I can tell you care for me. I hate that I hurt you. I think you need to go now. I am really tired."**

I know he is trying to hide his feelings so I agree. I can't push him. I will make sure Flynn comes by later.

"Okay Christian. I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep good, I love you. I know you don't love me right now and its okay but I still love you and I won't deny that."

His eyes soften and I turn away and walk out. I call John. He assures me he will be there within the hour. I cry all the way back to Escala. Another night of crying myself to sleep, tonight I am at least blessed with pleasant dreams of Christian and our time in New York.


	67. Chapter 66

**I love that you are loving the twist. Don't worry Christian won't cheat. I don't think it is who he is. He is devoted to Ana even if he can't remember. Keep posting it encourages me to write.**

**Chapter 66**

**I am lost in my thoughts. I don't know what to feel or think. Ana seems like a nice girl. I don't do nice girls yet I am so drawn to her. She says I had changed. How is that possible? I am not capable of being the man she describes. The door opens and I secretly wish it was Ana returning to spend the night by my side. It's John, maybe he can shed some light on these recent developments.**

**"John. How you are this evening?"**

_"I'm fine, how are you? Ana mentioned that she told you about your break up."_

**"She did. I am a little confused. I kicked her out on the word of a sub that I had broken my contract with?"**

_"Yes. Charlotte showed up and tried to touch you. You had already spoken with me several times about the feelings you were having for Ana. I believe it was only a matter of time until you broke it off, but she wanted more and tried to touch you."_

**"That makes sense. I would have definitely voided her contract for that. Ana mentioned she thought Charlotte told me about their run-in at the drug store. Do you have the details?"**

**He fills me in about Charlotte coming to GEH and how I went straight to Elena. That doesn't surprise me. I usually go to Elena when dealing with a problem with my sub. Ana wasn't a sub. I guess old habits die hard. **

**"What happened in the 2 weeks that Ana and I weren't speaking?"**

_"You were a mess. You felt horrible for pushing her away without knowing the truth. You were determined to win her back. We talked daily sometimes twice a day about how to make that happen. You decided to follow her to New York and win her back."_

**"I followed her?"**

_"You not only followed her you won her back with patience and love. She set rules and boundaries and you followed them to prove your love. You changed for her."_

**"You kidding right?"**

_"Do I ever? You love her Christian. Let her tell you about New York hopefully it will help you remember. For now get some sleep."_

**"Thanks Flynn. Looks like I have a lot to think about."**

**He leaves and I try to process all of this. Hearing it, my mind refuses to believe. My gut gnaws at me knowing this is all the truth and my anger rises. Why the hell can't I remember any of it? I never thought I could have more and once I get it I can't remember a damn thing about it. I throw my dinner tray from earlier across the room.**

**_"Christian is everything okay?" My mom asks as she rushes into the room._**

**"No mom it isn't okay. I was in love for the first time in my life and I don't even remember it. How is any of this fair?"**

**_"Honey, I know you and Ana are hurting right now. You have to believe that everything is going to be okay. She is strong and her love won't fail you. I have faith that even if you never remember you will find a way to love her again. She is so good for you. You will see."_**

**"I hope so mom. I hope I don't push her away."**

**_"Ana knows you better than anyone. She won't let you push her away. You have come through too much to lose each other now. I love you Christian. Just have faith."_**

**"I'm trying mom. I really am."**

**She kisses me on the cheek, gives me some pain medication and I can feel myself losing consciousness. My dreams are odd. They are spotty and disconnected. One minute I am with the pimp and he's kicking me then I flash and see Ana smiling. It looks as though we are flying. Then I'm in the playroom hitting some brunette with a cane. She turns and it's Ana tears streaming down her face asking me if I feel better? I am transported back with the pimp and he is burning me. **

I arrive at the hospital first thing in the morning. Christian is still sleeping, not peacefully. I hope his nightmares haven't returned. I go to the bedside and lightly touch his cheek.

"Christian. Wake up. It's Ana. You are okay. Please wake up." I continue to stroke his face until his eyes open. He is breathing hard and sweating. "Are you in pain?"

**"No"**

"Are your nightmares back?"

**"Yes." I remember she knows everything about me.**

"I'm sorry Christian. I hate that you are living through that pain again. They are stopped altogether in New York. I was hoping they would be permanently gone."

**"Tell me about New York."**

I see his eyes lighten with a small glimmer. I know that Flynn spoke to him last night and I am sure he mentioned New York. I want to make sure and not miss any details. For the next 4 hours I portray our time in New York. This was the best time of my life. I relive it in vivid detail. Christian just listens and occasionally asks questions. Around lunch time Grace comes in to check him out.

**_"I have convinced the hospital to release you to my care. I know how badly you hate hospitals and I am proud that you have been on such good behavior. However, I know you are healing and the better you get the more brutal you will become to the staff. You will have an around the clock nurse and I will come by twice a day to check on you. I have faith that Ana can keep you comfortable. I also feel like if you are going to get your memory back you will have a better chance in your regular surroundings."_**

**"That is the best news I have heard all week?"**

**_"I am sticking my neck out Christian. Don't do anything stupid. Go home and rest. No work. I mean it."_**

**"Yes ma'am."**

"Let me go tell Taylor what is going on. I'll be back in a little bit to help get you ready to go." I will be happy to have him home with me. Hopefully this will be the push that he needs to come back. I give Taylor instructions and go back in to assist Grace with Christian. When I enter he has the hospital gown off and I can see his gorgeous physique. My breath hitches and my core tingles. Damn I miss him. I gather my wits and head over to help him get dressed. I place the t-shirt over his head. I am careful not to touch him, but my skin lightly touches one of his scars as the shirt pulls over his chest. Both of our eyes widen. His are not filled with fear as I would expect. I would know those eyes anywhere. They are full of desire. Grace is in the room. We both ignore the feelings and press on getting him dressed. The sexual tension is thick. An hour later Taylor arrives to drive us home. I leave Bertha at the hospital. I don't want to leave Christian's side. Once at Escala I lead him to the bedroom and help him to bed.

"You rest. I'll make you some dinner."

**"Will you eat with me?"**

"If you would like." He nods. "Okay I'll be back in a little bit." I go to the kitchen and help Gail make dinner. It is so good to have him home. I determine that even if he never remembers we are meant to be together. Our love is strong enough to make it through this and if we have to start over that is what we will do. Yes we are going to be okay. I take him dinner. We eat and talk. Then we both fall asleep. He is back with me at least physically.


	68. Chapter 67

This is short but I think you will all enjoy it. Happy reading!

Chapter 67

Over the next two weeks I slowly get back to work. I tell Christian our story many times. He lets me be more affectionate with him. Kissing him lightly and holding his hands. He is still healing so I want to refrain from any sexual contact. My libido is in a deep depression. I need him to want to touch me again. The electricity is still present and Christian is allowing it to slowly penetrate his steel exterior. I know he is just protecting himself. I see how he looks at me differently now. The new Christian comes out in small doses. All of this just keeps my hopes high. It is proof that he is still in there. This morning I get up and let Christian sleep. I can tell his nightmares have ceased again. I hope he realizes it is related to being close to me. I shower and get ready to go to the office. I am finally catching up. Maggie lets me work half days for now. They have been so great encouraging me to stay and take care of Christian as much as possible. We have been able to keep Christian's amnesia out of the news. The truth is it hasn't been hard. The only thing he doesn't remember is me. I think of this as I go to grab a bagel and the pain hits hard. I push it away. I will not dwell on negative thoughts. Christian has been working at home some now and I know he will be up soon. I make him a bagel and some coffee. There is a knock on the door and I assume it is Grace to check on her son. She has been great these last few weeks. She has supported me when I get down, encouraging me to continue fighting. I open the door and my smile quickly fades.

"What the hell you …." I don't get my words out before she reaches up and pushes a syringe in my throat. I feel my body collapse to the floor. I am awake, but I cannot move.

_"I told you this wasn't over. Now you will see just who Christian really is."_

She drags my body toward the playroom. I know it is locked. She pulls out a key. My mind is racing. How in the hell did she get a key. Christian would have never given her a key. Would he? The door opens and she pulls me in. I want to scream and run. I know Christian won't hurt me, but Elena I have no doubt this is going to be bad. I refuse to show fear in my eyes. She wants that. She wants to destroy me. Elena slips off my clothes. I am humiliated. Only Christian has seen me this way. If I could move I would kill her. I literally have murder in my heart. She goes through the drawers and finds the handcuffs. Shit. What is she going to do? I fear deep inside. She never speaks only stalks around obviously in her dom persona. She pushes me over the bench cuffs me to a ring in the floor. Then she puts some kind of bar between my legs and straps it to my ankles. She braids my hair. Finally she speaks.

**_"Almost time for the show. Stay put Miss Steele I will be back."_**

Where is she going? She can't just leave me like this. Is this a joke? Is she just trying to humiliate me? I feel like it is ages before she returns.

The door opens and I hear her speaking. Then I hear Christians voice. I am facing away from the door so I can't tell if he knows it's me. I pay close attention to their conversation.

**"What is this Elena?"**

"I brought you a new sub. I thought you may want to work out some frustrations. I know that little girl that you have been fucking lately couldn't possibly be taking care of your urges."

**"You can't just bring someone in here without my approval. There is a process to getting a sub and a it does not include a test drive."**

"Are you saying you want me to take her back?"

**"That is exactly what I am saying. Get her dressed and take her to wherever you found her. I have work to do and I don't have time for whatever this is."**

I hear Elena open a drawer. She stalks back toward me.

"That little bitch has made you soft. Let me remind you of who you are."

I feel something come down onto my behind. It hits hard over and over. Christian says nothing. Tears are flowing down my face. I can't speak. She beats me and I cry without a sound. My mind is screaming my mouth moving. Suddenly I hear something.

"Hearts and flowers! Stop! Christian make her stop! Christian!

**"Oh God Ana! What have you done Elena?" **

I hear Elena hit the floor. Christian unhooks me then takes the handcuffs and hooks Elena to the bed.

**"You better hope I calm down before I come back in here." He words spit at her.**

He puts me over his shoulder and runs out of the room. He lays me on the bed.

**"Are you okay? Please say you are okay? I didn't know. I couldn't see your face. I am so sorry Ana. I love you Ana please forgive me. I swore I wouldn't touch you that way again. I let her hit you and I swore I would never…" He trails off. **

"You remember. Christian you remember. I never told you what you said, all I told you was you got rid of the whips, belts and canes. You remember. Is there anything else that you remember?"

**"I remember it all. From the first time I laid eyes on you to asking you to marry me twice. You are going to be my wife Ana. I remember that you are my heart, my life, my more."**

He smothers me with kisses as I reach up to touch him. This will be the true test. He doesn't even flinch. Yes. He is back. We get lost in each other and for the next hour we remind ourselves of how strong our love really is. Not until we are done do we recall that Elena is still locked in the playroom.

"Christian what are you going to do with Elena?"

**"You let me take care of her. Don't worry, when I am done she will never come near either of us again. Stay here and don't come out. I will come and get you once she is gone."**

He walks out the door and I know I should be worried. I'm ecstatic. My Christian is back. All of him.


	69. Chapter 68

I hope you enjoy this chapter. It should answer some of the questions. I will answer more in the next chapter. Enjoy and please review. I love hearing your opinions.

I own nothing...

Chapter 68

The bedroom door opens and I cover myself. Christian just walked out. There is no way he is already done with Elena. I really don't want to think about what he is going to do to her. I am surprised when I see him in the doorway.

**"Get dressed Ana. This is something we need to do together. We have to present a united front. I don't want her to think she can manipulate either of us."**

"I don't think I want to see you beat her. I won't be able to stomach it. As much as I want her in pain I just don't think I could stand to watch."

**"Ana I am not going to beat her. I don't plan on laying a hand on her. She would enjoy that too much. She is accustomed to physical pain."**

I look at him confused. "Then what are you going to do?"

**"I am going to hit her where it hurts worst, her pocketbook. I am ruthless in business especially in dealing with a hostile takeover. I think it is time that Elena gets a taste."**

I just stare at him with my mouth open. I can't wait to see this showdown. After I am dressed Christian kisses my cheek.

**"I love Ana. You are my life. Thanks for not giving up on me."**

"Giving up was never an option. Now let's do this."

Christian unlocks the playroom. We enter hand in hand. He tugs me close to his side as Elena begins to speak.

_"Christian, what are you going to do? Are you going to punish me?"_

There is seduction in her voice. Christian was right she would enjoy physical and sexual torture. It makes me sick at my stomach to see how calloused and evil this woman is.

**"Yes, I am." I see the smile on her face. "Just not in the way you are thinking." She looks toward Ana baffled. "Look at me Elena. I don't want you to even glance in Ana's direction. You will not come anywhere near either of us indefinitely. To assure this, I will be filing a restraining order this morning. If you break that order you will be thrown in jail. I will have no mercy on you. Do you understand?" She nods keeping her eyes on me. "As of today you will no longer have any stake in the salons. I will be buying you out. It is my discretion as to how much I will pay. Expect a wire transfer no later than 4 pm. The papers will be couriered to your home and you will sign them. The courier will wait and return them immediately to me. If you step foot in any of the salons I will make your personal life a living hell. If you fight me on any of this you will be on the street."**

_"You wouldn't do that to me Christian. I am your friend."_

**"You are mistaken. I can and I will. I could ruin your entire life with the swipe of my pen so don't push me. You are nothing to me Elena and if I am honest with myself you have never been my friend."**

_"I saved you. You would be nothing without me."_

**"No you didn't save me. Ana did. You provided an escape from a reality that I was scared to face. The world you introduced me to had nothing to do with teaching me control it was always a way for you to control me. I see it so clearly now. You are the worst kind of predator making a kid feel "safe" while brainwashing him to think that taking beatings and likewise hurting others that were "consenting" was normal. I don't want to live in your hell anymore. I have seen how beautiful love and life are and I won't go back. Now I am going to un-cuff you and Taylor is going to escort you to your car, but first I want you to apologize to Ana."**

_"You can't be serious."_

**"I am dead serious and make it heartfelt." I keep my voice low and impassive.**

_"I am sorry I hurt you Miss Steele."_

**"Not good enough. Use her first name and have some compassion in your voice."**

I squeeze his hand to let him know he doesn't have to do this. He shoots me a look and I know it is as much for him as me.

_"Anastasia, I am truly sorry I hurt you. I have an understanding of how much you mean to Christian and I will not interfere anymore."_

"Elena if I ever see you again it will be too soon. I am sure Satan has a special place in hell just for you."

Christian lets out a loud chuckle and Elena just shoots daggers with her eyes. I mean every word of it. Christian lets my hand go just long enough to release her restraints. I can tell she is defeated. We walk out of the playroom behind her making sure she doesn't pull a fast one. I wouldn't put anything past this woman. She is more evil than I had initially thought. Taylor is standing in the kitchen. I can tell he is surprised that Elena is here. I don't look at Christians face, but by the expression on Jason's face he knows he is in big trouble.

**"Taylor please drive Mrs. Lincoln home. Then come straight back to my office. I will have a towing company deliver her vehicle tomorrow." I want her to be stranded and let this all sink in. **

_"Christian you don't have to do this. I will respect your wishes. I care about you and I want you happy." Elena is trying to smooth things over._

This woman never gives up. I have to give her credit she is persistent.

**"Enough Elena, I don't ever want to see your face or hear your voice again."**

Taylor knows not to say anything in Elena's presence. I am also curious how he didn't see Elena drug me and drag me into the playroom. I can't imagine that he was slacking on the job. He is always so professional and on top of everything. Elena leaves with Taylor and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Did you mean what you said to her about her being a predator?"

**"Every word, I see life in a different way with you. I think losing my memory, feeling like the old me these last two weeks then suddenly having all of my feeling and memories flood back made everything clear."**

"When did the memories come back?"

**"When Elena hit you, the very first time my mind started spinning. It was like my life flashing before my eyes except it was magical just like you said. Every moment with you just flooded in. I honestly didn't even register what Elena was doing. I was just recalling everything Ana. All of sudden I heard your voice and it shocked my system into reality. I could not believe it was you. I couldn't see your face. Please believe that I would have never allowed her to harm you. I may not have remembered you, but for some reason I didn't have the desire to hurt you like I have with others. Why didn't you yell or scream to let me know it was you? You let her hit you over and over again. Why didn't you say something sooner?"**

"She drugged me."

**"She what? How?"**

I explain step by step what happened. His eyes grow wide with horror. Part of me is glad I didn't tell him before he dismissed Elena. I am afraid we would have been disposing of a body. As much as I wouldn't mind her gone for good, I don't want Christian to have anything to do with it.

"I couldn't move or speak. I was very aware of everything that was happening and I could feel each blow. All I could do was cry. In my mind I was screaming. I just kept screaming. Eventually my mouth started to move and suddenly I heard my voice. The next thing I knew you were grabbing me. I was so scared Christian. I didn't know what she was going to do. I am afraid she wouldn't have stopped."

**"Thank God I got rid of all the belts, whips and canes. She was only able to find a riding crop. I know it hurt Ana, but it would have been way worse with the other items. I am so sorry. I didn't know. I thought she was trying to coax me into taking a submissive."**

"Did you want to take a submissive? Were you tempted?"

**"I was annoyed. She was in my house and took me into the playroom. I was trying to figure out how in the hell she got in the house much less the playroom. My intention was to see her through her little stunt and then get some answers. I never would have dreamed she would be so vindictive. I have been blind all these years. I truly understand just how evil she is." **

"Do you think she will try to hurt me again?"

**"I hope not, but honestly I don't know. I need to talk to Taylor and figure out how in the hell he allowed all of this to happen. Once I get this straightened out I will be hiring personal security for you. You will have to have them with you whenever you leave the house."**

"Do you really think that is necessary? I don't know how I feel about having someone follow me around."

**"Ana this is not up for discussion. I will compromise on lots of things with you, but your safety is not one of them. You will trust me in this. I will not take any chances now that I know the extent of Elena's madness."**

After living with the old Christian for the last month I know this is not something I want to fight him on. I will pick my battles and this is not one of them.


	70. Chapter 69

Got inspired.

Chapter 69

There is a knock on the door. My entire body tenses. Christian sees my panic and reassures me everything will be fine. I hold my breath as he opens the door. It's Grace. I instantly relax.

_"I just came by to check on you. I am sorry I am late. I got called in last night on a trauma and I just left the hospital. How are you feeling?"_

**"I'm good mom. Really good." I wrap her up in a hug, lifting her off the ground.**

_"I see that. This is certainly out of character."_

**"I got my memory back mom. I remember every detail."**

_"Oh Christian I could not be happier. This is the best news." She starts to cry._

**"Don't cry mom."**

_"I am just so happy." She goes toward Ana and they both weep. "Ana. I know you are ecstatic. He came back to you. I told you he would. You loved him and he came back. Thank you so much for loving my son."_

I don't say anything. I just let her hold me as I cry.

_"When did it happen? I want all the details."_

I look at Christian panicked. How is he going to explain? My stomach is churning.

**"Come to the living room and sit down and I will tell you everything."**

I look at him and he bows his head. Is he going to tell her about Elena? Grace sits. Christian grabs me and pulls me close as he sits. I can tell he is nervous.

**"Elena tried to hurt Ana this morning." I see my mom's shock as I continue. "She came over and when Ana opened the door she pushed a syringe in her neck rendering her conscious but paralyzed."**

_"Pancuronium bromide. Where would she get that?"_

**"I don't know, but I am going to get to the bottom of this."**

_"She didn't hurt you did she Ana? What about your security? Where were you? Why would she do this Christian?"_

**I answer each of her questions up to the why. I am still deciding if I want to tell the truth. I decide it is time for her to know. I won't share details about the lifestyle.**

**"Mom I have to tell you something, but you have to promise me you will stay calm." She nods.**

He's going to tell her. I squeeze him tight and kiss his cheek. I want him to know I will be right here to support him.

**"Elena and I had a relationship." Her eyes get wide.**

_"When?"_

**"A long time ago."**

_"Christian you are only 27 so what do you mean by a long time ago?"_

**"It ended 6 years ago."**

_"When did it start?"_

**"Six years prior." She is mentally doing math and I know it is about to hit.**

_"You were 15 six years prior to that."_

**I nod.**

_"Oh my God Christian, you were a baby. I am going to kill her. How dare she insert herself in our lives all the while taking advantage of my son. Why didn't you tell us? We would have helped you."_

**"I thought she was helping me at the time. I was so angry and she helped me learn how to deal with that anger. You remember how bad I was. I wouldn't even hug you or dad."**

_"Did you love her?"_

**"No, maybe, I don't know. At the time I thought I did, but as the years wore on and I matured I realized I was using her too. I broke it off."**

_"Is that why you have always maintained contact with her and helped her with her businesses, you felt like you owed her something?"_

**"Yes." I squeeze Ana's hand.**

_"Christian she is a child molester. I hope you understand that what she did is not right. She needs to pay for her actions. She hurt you and now she is trying to hurt Ana. Please tell me you are not going to let her get away with this."_

**"I'm not mom. I have cut her off. I am liquidating her salons and making sure she never hurts anyone I love again."**

_"I certainly hope so. I swear Christian if I ever cross paths with that evil bitch, I cannot promise I will not harm her."_

**"Mom you need to let me handle this. I don't want you to do anything stupid. I have let this go long enough. I finally see her true colors and I won't be fooled again."**

_"Ok son. I will trust you. I want to check Ana out and make sure she is okay. That drug is not something you mess around with."_

**"I would appreciate it." My phone pings. It is Taylor letting me know he is on his way up. "I will leave you to it. I need to meet with Taylor in my office."**

**I go straight to the office, knowing Ana is in good hands. Taylor arrives just as I sit at my desk.**

**"What the hell happened?"**

_"Sir, I am so sorry. I had no idea Mrs. Lincoln was here."_

**"Spare me the apologies and tell me what happened."**

_"I was watching the CCTV and noticed that the one in the parking garage was skipping. I decided to go down and check it out using the service elevator. I got down there and found that the wires were loose. I didn't think much of it. We have had the same issue a handful of times. I made the rounds to double check all of the cameras just as I have done on numerous occasions. When I returned nothing was out of place. It wasn't until I saw you come out of the playroom with Mrs. Lincoln and Miss Steele that the camera -malfunction seemed off."_

**"Did you not see Elena's car in the garage?"**

_"When I took her home and called the tow truck I noticed she parked a block away."_

**"Okay. This is making more sense. I still don't know how she got a key to the playroom. Until I figure that out I need you to arrange for the locks to be changed. Also have them add a passcode to the lock. I think I need to hire at least 2 more people. One to be with Ana when she is out and one to help you out here and cover whenever you need to be with me. We need to assume Elena is not going to give up easily. Do you think she had help?"**

_"It seems like this is something she that would have taken time to plan. I wouldn't doubt it sir."_

**"I want you to call Welch and Bailey. Get them to dump all of her records. I don't care if they have to hack into her computer and email. I want to know every detail of her life since I met Ana."**

_"Yes sir I will get on it. Is Miss Steele okay?"_

**"She will be. I am cutting you slack only because you have never let me down before today. Understand that if anything like this happens again on your watch you will be gone."**

_"Thank you sir, again I am sorry."_

**Taylor leaves and I start making phone calls. I take care of the restraining order first, next the liquidation and finally the courier. Once all the loose ends are tied up I go back to mom and Ana.**

"Is everything okay with Taylor? I hope you didn't fire him. He has been so good to you."

**"We are getting it sorted out. I did not fire him this time. He knows he is treading thin ice. Did you call Maggie and let her know you won't be in today?"**

"Yes. Your mom forbid me. I just told her I was sick. I am feeling a little tired. Do you mind if I go lie down?"

**"Go, I have plenty of work to do. You rest and I will see you later."**

He kisses me and I crawl into bed and let sleep take me.


	71. Chapter 70

Thanks for all the new followers and favorites. It is very humbling to have so many people reading my story. Keep reviewing I love knowing your thoughts.

I own nothing..

Chapter 70

**I can't believe I told my mom about Elena. That has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am certainly glad that I didn't have to expound on the details of the affair. I know my mom would never understand the BDSM lifestyle. I sit with my thoughts and for the first time in my life I am fully in control. I have truly let all of my secrets out of the bag so to speak and I feel free. I know that I will never look at a woman, particularly Ana the way I used to. I can't lie, there are things about that lifestyle I still would love to share with Ana. So many people see it as taboo and wrong, but pain is just a small piece of it. I want to show Ana enormous amounts of pleasure. Everything in BDSM is meant to be about pleasure. I don't know if she will ever step foot into the playroom again. I don't really blame her, but I am sure I could introduce some play in the bedroom and see how she likes it. Thinking of all of this is getting me hard. I have to urge to go check on Ana. I leave my desk and quietly open the bedroom door. Instead of sleeping peacefully she is thrashing and yelling in her sleep. **

"No please stop. Stop! Let me go! I don't want to be here. Let me go!"

**"Ana" I gently shake her, "Ana baby you're okay. Wake up."**

**Her eyes open. Her body is shaking. I wrap her into me.**

**"It was just a dream. Everything is okay. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."**

"Hold me Christian. Just hold me. I am so glad you are back. Don't ever leave me again. I won't make it. You have to promise you won't leave again."

**"I promise." I lay down with her in my arms. We just lie there in silence listening to each other breath. Ana strokes my chest as I rub her hair. I feel her breathing slow and I know she has fallen back to sleep, I soon follow suit.**

I wake up still in Christian's arms, my previous nightmare just a memory. My stomach growls loudly. I was never able to finish my breakfast this morning and now I am starving. I roll off of Christian's chest slowly and get up from the bed.

**"Hey where are you going?" **

"I'm starving. I thought I would make something to eat. Do you want to join me?"

**"I'm right behind you."**

I make sub sandwiches and we sit at the breakfast bar and eat. Christian is in a really good mood. Had I not had the earlier dream I know my mood would be just as upbeat. He was such an inspiration today. He not only got his memory back, but stood up to Elena and told his mom the truth. I wish was as brave as him.

**"What are you thinking about? You seem to be a million miles away."**

"I am just so happy you are back."

**"I've been thinking. Since you spent the last month trying to help me recall all of our memories I thought I would share all of it from my point of view. The one thing I learned all those weeks was how much you love me. I didn't understand why. I am so difficult and I haven't been very kind to you. Today when all of the memories came flooding back it was obvious, we loved each other, equally. I want to portray to you how much I love you."**

"I would love that."

**We curl up on the couch and over the next 3 hours I pour my heart out to her. I only hope she finally understands what she means to me. This is the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with. 3 months ago I would have laughed at the thought of being married. **

**"Ana have you told your parent's about our engagement?"**

"Honestly, no. I wasn't sure it was actually going to happen. I mean the night I said yes you had the accident and as much as I hoped you would come back I wasn't certain it would happen."

**"Well you need to. I want the world to know, but that can't happen until your parents approve."**

"I'll call them tomorrow."

**"Can you let me call your dad? I really should have asked his permission, I just got caught up in the moment."**

"I know he would appreciate that."

**"Good now that is settled. I really think that you should see Flynn about what happened today."**

"Why? I'm fine Christian."

**"The dream you had earlier says you aren't fine. You can always talk to me, but I know that John has been a big help lately and you may feel more comfortable opening up to him. I haven't exactly been the understanding and caring boyfriend to you lately."**

"I really am okay, but if it will make you feel better I will see him tomorrow. I am sure it couldn't hurt to get it all out. Now I want to take a bath. Would you like to join me Mr. Grey?"

He just nods and I take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom. He runs the water and adds some bath oils. I slip off my clothes and feel his hands wrap around my waist while his lips trail my shoulder.

**"I didn't even realize how much I missed this. You are so beautiful."**

I moan when he softly kisses below my ear. I lean into his body resting my head on his shoulder silently begging for more. My breath is getting deeper and my core tightening. I think he could make me come with just his breath on my skin. It has been way too long. My body is starved for his affection. His hands travel to my breasts. He cups one while tweaking the other nipple. I am soaking.

**"Turn and look at me. I want to see your face." I spin her around. "Ah there it is. You have the most spectacular blue eyes. I could stare into them forever."**

His hands are on my cheeks as he speaks. I start to tear up. I love this man. I have missed him so much. I don't think I even realized how much until he finally came back to me.

**"Are you okay Ana? Do we need to stop? It has been a long day and I don't want you to feel pressured."**

"I'm fine. Please don't stop. I need you so bad. I need this." I press my lips to his. I bite his bottom lip then frantically search his mouth. I know I am trying to get as close to him as possible. All of my anxiety and stress is melting away. It is just the two of us reminding one another how deep our love is. He lifts me up and sets me on the bathroom vanity. He runs his fingertips down my arm sending a shiver up my spine. I reach up and touch his chest mimicking his touch. He groans, not in pain but pleasure.

**"God I didn't think I would ever miss some ones touch, but I know I don't want to go a single day without yours."**

His voice is low and sensual. "I need you now. Please I want to feel you inside me." With that he plunges into me. It is pure ecstasy. I missed him, I missed this. I never want to be without him, ever. I feel my core contracting. My skin is full of goose bumps. There is sweat on my brow. He gazes into my eyes and we both release at the same time. As always his eyes give him away. What I see is LOVE nothing but pure LOVE.

**"You're mine." I say my gaze penetrating her soul.**

"Yours, all yours, ALWAYS!"

It takes a minute to register that the floor is full of water. We both look toward the tub to see the water overflowing. I chuckle as Christian rushes to turn the water off and release the drain.

"I guess we got a little side tracked." I giggle. "Maybe we should just take a shower instead."

**"Hmm, a shower, a shower sounds good."**

This time we are overcome with pure lust, wonderful lust.

The next morning I make an appointment with John. I know why the events of the previous day are bothering me, but I am not sure if I will be able to express them. I have kept these feelings suppressed for so long and it's not going to be easy to open old wounds. Christian has inspired me and for him I will try.


	72. Chapter 71

Thanks for reading. Enjoy! Sorry it's short. It was all I had time to do.

I own nothing...

Chapter 71

Somehow, I convince Christian to let me go to work. Of course Taylor has to drive me and be on look out the entire day. Ugh! I know he is worried about my safety and after the events that transpired yesterday I know I should be too. I am so used to going and doing whatever I please. This is going to be a huge adjustment. I am happy to have work as a distraction. Since the plane crash I have only been working half days, but because of all the personal stress I found it easy to bury myself in work. Maggie hasn't minded my absence since I have been so productive. Today, I am thrilled to be back full time. I miss Christian, but I know when I go home he will now be the Christian that loves Ana. This makes me smile. At lunch I have Taylor take me to John's office. I am nervous about talking to him. I filled him in on the details about the Elena catastrophe and Christian had an appointment this morning so I know he is up to date on the happenings of our lives. I enter and sit in the waiting room. I am 10 minutes early and he is still in session. I thumb through a magazine while I wait. All I can think is I need to get him some more interesting reading. _American Psychologist _is not an easy or stimulating read for the average person. The door opens and the previous patient exits.

_"Hello Ana, please come in. How are you today?"_

"I'm better thanks."

_"As you know Christian was here this morning. As you know I can't share anything we spoke about. I will let you know that I feel he is in a very good place and I mentioned doing some joint sessions especially since you are engaged."_

"I think that is a good idea. I definitely think we both have things to work on before we get married."

_"Everyone has things they can work on. I just want you to start this new life together with as many tools as possible."_

"Thank you, John for everything you have done for me and Christian. I know we would not have survived any of this without you."

_"Well you are most welcome. As you know I consider Christian a friend as well as a patient and he deserves to be happy. I can see that he finally realizes this too. Now I want to discuss what happened yesterday with you. Christian did mention that he is worried about you. He said you have been having nightmares and seemed distant."_

"I had one nightmare and as you know I have been distant since the crash. Christian is just noticing now that he has returned to his proper self."

_"That's fair. Well let's discuss this nightmare. Could you tell me what it was about?"_

"It is pretty sketchy. I just remember feeling trapped, not being able to move and pain shooting through my body. Someone was hovering over me holding me down and they were striking me over and over."

_"Was the person Elena? Could you tell?"_

"No I know it wasn't Elena. It was a man. I could tell by the shadow that it was a man."

_"Did they speak? Could you recognize the voice?"_

"Not really, they just kept laughing like my crying and screaming was somehow funny."

_"Ana, Christian told me about your reaction in the playroom a few months ago. He said you never made a sound and he beat you pretty severely. Was it Christian in the dream? Did you want to tell him to stop, but you were afraid too?"_

"I know it wasn't Christian. Christian didn't laugh at me. This was a sadistic laugh. I know Christian wasn't trying to humiliate me he was trying to communicate in the only way he knew how. Of course I wanted him to stop. I wasn't afraid of him though I just wouldn't let him break me. I took it out of defiance to prove a point."

_"What was your point?"_

"I wanted him to see that what he was doing wasn't who he was. I wanting him to understand that he loved me and I knew that deep down he wouldn't hurt me. I guess I was trying to make him have remorse. He is always so gentle with me. When he said he could hurt me, I knew deep down it wasn't possible that he would hurt me and then feel satisfaction."

_"That was a risky move on your part."_

"Maybe, but I have known evil in my life and Christian does not fit the bill."

_"What kind of evil?"_

"That isn't really important."

_"Isn't it?"_

"I don't think so."

_"I do. Obviously whatever you are holding from your past allowed you to see something in Christian that most people would not have. You knew Christian a very short time when you went into the playroom and still you trusted him not to hurt you. I have been is therapist for 6 years and it took me a while to see that side of him. Now you are having nightmares, but the person beating you is not Elena and since you know Christian won't hurt you then the only explanation is some male in your past hurt you."_

"Well aren't you perceptive. I am not sure if I am ready to talk about it."

_"Okay, that is fair. I can't make you talk about it. I just don't want you to let the events this week let your past prevent you and Christian from moving forward."_

"I understand what you are saying and I promise I will try I just can't yet."

_"Well why don't we make a standing weekly appointment and you can use the time however you see fit. Likewise, I want to schedule joint sessions with you a Christian. Talk to him and get back with me on what will work best for you both."_

"I will." I stand and thank him before exiting. Taylor is waiting outside and he drives me back to WP.

I work furiously for the rest of the day trying to ignore the gnawing in my gut. I know Flynn is right I need to talk about my past. I have hidden it well, not even my parents know. I just don't know if I am ready. My fear is that the secret will destroy my relationship with Christian. I will keep trying with Flynn and hope that I can get it out. In the mean time I will work hard on my job and enjoy that the love of my life is home.

Taylor drives me home. Christian is not home yet so I decide to relax with a book in the library. Books are my solace and there is nothing better than losing myself in the story. The author of choice tonight, Jane Austen and a little _Sense and Sensibility _should help in this escape. Not far into the book Christian opens the door.

**"Hey, Gail said you were in here. How are you?"**

"Good. Did you have a good day?"

**"I did, I got a lot done at the office today. It was good to be back, but I missed you."**

"I missed you too."

**"Did you see Flynn today?" she nods. "And?"**

"It was fine. He mentioned talking to you about joint sessions to prepare us for our life together."

**"I think that is a great idea. Let me look at my schedule over the next few weeks and we can set it up."**

"Okay sounds good."

**"Gail has dinner ready. Come eat!"**

I can tell he is not asking.


	73. Chapter 72

I am grateful you are liking the twist. Thanks for the favorites and the reviews. I will update as often as possible.

I own nothing...

Chapter 72

The dinner is delicious. I wish that I had an appetite. My mind is filled with doubt and questions since my session with John. This part of my life was ancient history. I was over it, past it. Now all of a sudden I am 15 again. I have to get a hold of myself. This could destroy me and Christian. Hopefully I can just have Flynn help me work through it and put it back in the vault where it belongs. I am just staring at my plate pushing my food around to make it look as though I am making some progress.

**"Ana, what is wrong? You seem to have something on your mind."**

"I just have a lot of stuff going on at work. Hopefully I can get caught up soon." It isn't all a lie. I am busy at work, but that is not what is on my mind. "Have you talked to my dad yet about our engagement?" I'm not sure we will ever make it to the actual wedding, but I have to change the subject."

**"I did. He wasn't thrilled that you are so young and we haven't known each other long. I assured him that you were the love of my life and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you."**

This man has a direct line to my heart. It is romantic that he wanted to speak to my dad in the first place, but declaring his undying devotion too.

**"We made plans this weekend to go deep sea fishing. He is going to drive up Friday and we will leave early Saturday morning. I can't wait to see you in action."**

"This is exciting news. I was hoping to get you back on the water before the end of the summer. How about a little wager."

**"Well you really are confident. You realize I am very competitive. I hate to lose. What are the terms?"**

"Biggest catch plans and treats a big night out."

**"That means if I win I can be as extravagant and over the top as I please."**

"Yep, but if I win you have to go along with whatever I want to do."

**"Deal. Let's shake on it."**

"I'd rather kiss."

**"You know I aim to please, Miss Steele."**

He rises and pulls out my chair allowing me to stand and meet him. We lock lips, softly at first exploring gently. I nibble on his bottom lip which causes him to squeeze me tight and increase his fervor. He then sweeps me up cradling me in his arms.

**"I think we should take this to the bedroom."**

He lays me on the bed and slowly undresses me. Then he undresses himself. The sight of him causes me to gasp. This man is stunning and he is all mine. I sit up and take him full into my mouth massaging his balls with my hand.

**"Ana, you don't…Oh God it feels incredible."**

I love giving him pleasure. He is always so giving to me. I want him to know that his pleasure increases my desire. I nip at the tip with my teeth then slide back down until he reaches the back of my throat. He grabs the back of my head urging me to on. I increase my tempo and he thrusts his hips matching my rhythm.

**"I don't want to go this way. It feels wonderful but I want to be inside you."**

I stop my assault and scoot back on the bed. He flips me onto my stomach.

**"The bruises are getting darker. Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"**

"It looks way worse than it feels. I promise."

He lightly strokes each cheek then follows his hands with his lips kissing the bruises.

**"I am so sorry Ana. I will never forgive myself for this."**

"It wasn't your fault Christian. Really I am okay." My body is healing just as my psyche is splintering. I have to get control over my emotions. I don't want him to feel guilty. What is happening with me has nothing to do with him. "Christian do you mind if we finish this later?" I have suddenly lost my craving.

**"Did I do something wrong?" **

I bury my head in my hands. I know since he is behind me he can't see the tears. I regain control before speaking.

"No I am just suddenly tired and I want to go to sleep. I would love it if you would hold me though."

**"Of course."**

He rolls me over and kisses my forehead before crawling into bed beside me. I rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my arm around his waist. The tears start to fall freely. I can't believe I am allowing this to get to me.

**"Ana you know you can talk to me about anything. Right?"**

I don't say anything I just continue to cry.

**"When you're ready I'm here."**

I manage to choke out an, "Okay." I quietly weep eventually falling asleep.

_The shadowed figure is back. He has me pinned to the bed with his knee right in the middle of my back. This time he speaks, his voice low and authoritative. __**"You are a disrespectful and disobedient child. You need to learn how to keep your mouth shut. This is for your own good." **__The back of my legs are on fire. The pain repeats over and over. I can't move. I am trying to wiggle out of his hold but his hold gets tighter the more I struggle. I am screaming for him to stop. "Please I will obey. I promise I will obey." He continues to beat me with his belt as I beg for mercy. __**"You will stop with your talking back to your mother. She deserves your respect and you will give it to her. Do you understand?" **__"Yes" I say, my voice trembling. __**"Yes what?" He screams hitting me again. **__"Yes sir." Good Ana. He moves his leg releasing me. I stand knowing it will be a few hours before I can sit again. I look at the floor knowing if I make eye contact it could set him off and the beating will begin again. Before he exits the room he speaks. __**"I do this for your own good. The Lord says spare the rod spoil the child. Your parents have done you no favors catering to you. It is about time you learn how to respect your elders." **__He leaves and I crumble. I am careful not to cry too loud because there will be hell to pay for breaking. _

I wake up gasping, covered in sweat. Christian is sleeping peacefully beside me. I get out of bed and quietly go to take a quick shower. I want to scrub this memory away. I know it isn't possible but I try anyway. Once I am satisfied that I am clean I turn off the water and dry off. I look at my backside in the mirror. The bruises are black and purple. I have seen myself this way many times. I wish it was just my skin that was damaged. I learned a long time ago that bruises heal quickly, the spirit is not as resilient.

I am scared to close my eyes again right now so I head to the library to let _Sense and Sensibility_ ease my mind. I must fall asleep because the next thing I know Christian is picking me up and taking me back to the bedroom. I curl up in his arms half way conscious. He strokes my hair and I let my dreams take me again. This time they are wonderful, full of New York and Christian. The next morning I get ready for work and barely speak a word. I know Christian wants to say something about my mood, but he doesn't. I work through lunch and go straight home after. Thankfully Christian is still at GEH. I take this opportunity to relax in a bath. I have to get myself out of this funk. Ray will be here tomorrow. I recall all of my times on the water with my dad. Fishing, like reading and cooking is always therapeutic to my soul. After the bath I will myself into a better state of mind. I do a good job engaging Christian, meeting him with a kiss when he gets home and keeping conversation light during dinner. We even make up for my lack of desire the night before. Tonight I go to bed happy and sated.


	74. Chapter 73

This is just some filler, but I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 73

Ray arrives on Friday in time to take me to lunch. Taylor shadows us and I know I will have to explain this to him.

_"Does he go everywhere with you, Annie?"_

"Yes, Christian has a thing about my safety. Just ignore him."

_"He seems paranoid. Are you in danger?"_

"No," I lie. "He is a very powerful man and with that comes enemies. He just likes to be cautious."

There is no way I can tell him the truth. I can only imagine his reaction if I told him Christian's molester drugged and beat me while I was naked. Elena would be dead before the end of the day and my dad would be in prison. This is something he can never know.

"I've missed you. How have you been?"

_"I'm good just working and fishing. You know I am a creature of habit. Honestly I want to know how you are doing. You go off on some big New York adventure and not a month after you return you are engaged. Don't you think you are a little young to get married? You have your whole life a head of you."_

"We are engaged dad, I am not walking down the aisle tomorrow. We haven't even set a date. I know I am young, but it just feels right. Christian is a good man and I know he loves me."

_"Well your mom marries every man that she seems in love with her. I just don't want you to follow in her footsteps."_

"That's a low blow dad. You know I am nothing like mom. I hate that she has had so many husbands. I don't take this decision lightly. In fact, Christian and I have agreed to do couples therapy before we get married. I am only doing this once."

_"I have to admit that is very grown up of you Annie. You know I only want you happy. It's my job to protect you and I want to make sure you have thought this through. It's your life and I will have to trust that you will make the right decisions."_

"Thanks dad. I love you too."

After lunch I take the rest of the day off. Ray follows Taylor and I back to Escala where I make sure he has everything he needs in the guest room. I let Gail know that I want her to take the night off to be with Jason.

**_"Ana, I don't think Mr. Grey will approve."_**

"You let me worry about Mr. Grey. I want to cook for my dad and Christian and there is no reason you shouldn't take the night to do something special with your man."

**_"Okay, Thank you Ana."_**

"It's my pleasure."

Dad and I head to the store sans Taylor. I am unsure how Christian will react to this. My dad is ex-military and I know he will have no problem defending me from any threat that Elena may have up her sleeve. We get all of the ingredients for dinner plus some extra snacks.

"We were always a good team."

_"Yes we were."_

Returning to Escala I notice Christian's R8 is in his usual spot. We carry up all the groceries.

"Just set them on the counter. I am going to track down Christian and I'll be right back."

It's still early so I assume Christian is in his office. The door is closed so I knock lightly.

**"Come in."**

"I was curious what time I should have dinner ready?"

**"Where is Gail?"**

"I gave her the night off."

**"Why would you do that?"**

He sounds perturbed. "I wanted to make dinner for you and my dad. Plus I don't think dad will be very comfortable with having strangers serve him in our home."

**"He is going to have to get used to it. We are not going to let the help have a day off every time your dad is in town just to make him comfortable."**

"Can we just do it my way this time and we will worry about next time when it comes around?"

**"I guess. I will be done soon. Dinner at 6:30 should work. By the way, why didn't you take Taylor with you to the grocery store?"**

Here it comes. "I was with my dad. I was perfectly safe."

**"Ana we talked about this. You are to have security with you every time you leave the apartment."**

"Christian he is my dad. He has military training and served in Kuwait. I would never question his ability to protect me. He has something Taylor doesn't."

**"I doubt that."**

"He loves me unconditionally."

**"Okay you've got me there. I will let it slide this time. Please don't make a habit of ditching your security."**

"Fine. I still want to discuss with you how Elena got away with her plan. Not tonight, but I won't let this slide."

**"Why don't you just let me handle it?"**

"Because I am entitled to know if and when I am in danger."

**"That is what security is for."**

"We'll talk about this later. I have to get dinner started." I leave before he has a chance to rebut me.

Ray ends up helping me in the kitchen. I have to admit as much as I wanted to cook for him I have missed our bonding over cooking time. I set the table and we eat right at 6:30. I do my best to keep the conversation going between Ray and Christian. They are both still uncomfortable around one another. I hope tomorrow will prove to be bonding time. I love carefree Christian and I know my dad will see him in a different light on the boat. We all turn in early. The next morning we set out at 4:30 am. One of my favorite parts of deep sea fishing is watching the sun rise on the horizon. Just after sunrise we set all the poles and wait. It doesn't take long to get bites. My dad and the owner of the vessel have been friends since I was a kid. He knows all best areas. After a few false alarms I finally hook one. I can tell it is a big one. It takes all of my physical strength to reel it in. It is a King Salmon, 4 ft long weighing 75 lbs. A few hours later Christian gets a catch, 4.5 ft long and 85 lbs. I don't panic. There is plenty of time to beat that. Technically I know that both our already on the large side for salmon, but I refuse to give up. If I am honest it shouldn't matter if I lose. New York taught me that over the top Christian can be quite romantic. It really is just the principal that I don't want to lose. I will never hear the end of it. I reel in 3 more, but at the end of the day I have to concede defeat. Ugh!

**"Looks like I owe you a night out. I am already plotting in my mind."**

"Beginners luck Grey. Congratulations. I hate losing too, but I was always taught to be gracious." I kiss him on the cheek. "Plus I am interested to see what you come up with."

On the way back to Escala my dad praises us both for our good day.

_"Since I won't be able to make it down for your birthday next week can we just say this was my gift?"_

"Dad you know I don't want gifts." I see Christian's eyes light up.

**"That's right your birthday is a week from Monday. I almost forgot with all the stuff that has been happening lately. Well looks like I have 2 things to plan for."**

"Seriously Christian don't do anything extreme. I don't want you making a big deal out of it."

**"We'll see."**

I don't want to argue in front of my dad, but this is not over. Not by a long shot.


	75. Chapter 74

As always thanks for the followers, favorites and reviews. I hope everyone is enjoying my story. As you can tell my Ana is a little more head strong from the beginning. She will give Christian some leeway, but she is definitely not going to be run over. Keep reading and reviewing. Thanks!

Chapter 74

My phone rings as Taylor pulls into the garage. It's Grace, I answer.

"Hello Grace, how are you?"

_"I'm great Ana. Christian mentioned that your dad would be in town this weekend. I was curious if you thought he would feel up to coming to Bellevue for dinner tonight? Mia just arrived home with Jacob and I was hoping to have all of my kids under one roof this evening."_

"I don't see why we couldn't. What time are you thinking?"

_"We'll eat around 7. Just come when you can. How was the fishing?"_

"It was fun. Christian got the catch of the day, but I was a close second."

_"I'm glad you had a good time. I know how competitive Christian can be. Remind me to share some stories of him and Elliot. It was like World War 3 here on occasion."_

"That sounds like good lunch date conversation. We need to make that happen soon. We'll see you tonight and thanks for the invite." I hang up and look to see a huge smile on Christian's face.

**"Looks like you have developed quite a friendship with my mother. She calls you for family dinner invites and you are talking lunch dates. If I didn't know better I would say she favors you over me."**

"Oh she definitely favors me. I am so much more agreeable." I slap his arm as I tease. "You know we've had good reason to build a rapport this last month."

I notice the confusion in my dad's stare. I do my best to explain without letting him know Christian forgot who I actually was.

"Christian was in a plane crash recently. He was in the hospital for several days and has just been given a clean bill of health."

_"You weren't hurt were you Annie?"_

"No dad I was already safe in Seattle. Christian's jet hit a wind shear. Luckily no one died. The pilot did a great job putting the plan down, but Christian sustained a serious head injury."

_"I know Annie is glad you are okay, son so I am too."_

"Dad we are going to Christian's parent's for dinner tonight. You have time to take a short nap before we leave."

_"Okay. Just an hour should suffice."_

We all go upstairs for showers and a quick nap. As much as I would love to make love to Christian the early morning is wearing on me and I decide sleep is the best plan. My head hits the pillow and I am out. Unfortunately, this nap proves full of nightmares and I wake up hearing a soothing voice.

**"Ana, baby you're dreaming. Wake up. It's just a dream." **

I gasp as I open my eyes. Christian holds me tight as I sob. I really need to talk to John soon.

**"Please talk to me. What is giving you all of this anxiety? Is it Elena?"**

"No."

**"Then what is it? You can tell me."**

"I can't."

**"Why?"**

"I just can't."

**"Then will you go see Flynn and open up to him more? If you won't let me help at least let him, I'm really worried about you."**

"I was planning on seeing him Monday. I'll get it fixed, I promise."

**"Ana you don't need to get anything fixed. I love you and I just want you to have some peace. You have been so stressed and distant. I'm just worried I may lose you."**

"This has nothing to do with you. I'm not going anywhere. I'll talk to Flynn."

**"Okay. We need to get ready to go to my parent's. Are you sure you are up for it?"**

"I want to go, I need to go. Plus Mia will be there and I've missed her."

**"Okay we will leave in 30 minutes."**

I go and wake my dad then get ready. 30 minutes later we are on the road. At Bellevue Mia meets us all at the door in her usual bubbly and overly demonstrative way. It is good to have her back, although I know in 30 minutes I will be worn out. Sometimes I wish I could bottle her energy. Jacob is sitting in the living room with the rest of the family.

**"You didn't tell me he was going to be here." I am a little annoyed. Not only do I have to deal with Kate, but now Jacob. Ana has definitely made her mark on this family and I don't think this is one that I like.**

"Oh Christian relax. Apparently he and Mia are quite serious."

**"Great he'll probably marry her and I will have him as a constant reminder that he wanted you."**

"Good Lord you are such a child sometimes. We went on 2 dates and kissed once. There was nothing between us, but friendship. Do I have to remind you how many subs you had? I understand that what we have is much more, but I could throw a fit everyday over the crap you did with them. You ended it with me. I went on 2 dates, now I am going to marry you so please stop being so insecure." I walk away letting my words sink in. He can be so infuriating.

I leave Christian and sit next to Jacob. He really needs to get over this. We engage in conversation while Christian stands in the distance brooding.

"When did you guys get in?"

_"Late last night, I'm still trying to adjust to the time change."_

"I know it can be brutal. How long are you staying?"

_"Indefinitely."_

"Really that is amazing. Where are you going to live? Did you find a job? I am sure Mia is over the moon."

_"Actually I wasn't sure, but Kate mentioned that you are living with Christian and she stays with Elliot most of the time. She said I could just crash at her place until I find something more permanent. I ended up getting a grant for school. One of the professors hired me as his assistant and I am going to try to give private lessons to make up the salary difference. Luckily the cost of living in Seattle is slightly less than New York. Mia is amazing. I am in love with her. She is so unlike anyone else I have ever dated and honestly I think that is why it works. How are you and Christian?"_

"Well don't say anything because I haven't told Mia yet, but we are engaged."

_"Wow! Congratulations Ana. When's the big day?"_

"Thanks I am pretty excited and scared. We haven't set a date. Honestly I am hoping for a long engagement. I am so young and although I have no doubts about marrying Christian I just want to relax and enjoy our time together. Weddings are so stressful."

_"I understand. If you need a band let me know."_

"Speaking of the band how is that going?"

_"We all have full time lives and jobs so it's hard to make that our only priority, but we decided to take a few months off and write. I will be going back to New York over the Christmas break to play some venues that we already have lined up and cut our first album."_

"You are all so talented and honestly I think you will make it big one day, but it will have to be the right timing for everyone."

_"Exactly."_

Grace interrupts letting us know dinner is ready. I find my dad talking to Carrick. I am grateful he is not shy because I forgot to introduce him to everyone. We sit to eat and I can tell Christian is still in his mood. He chose this battle and I will meet his challenge. Ridiculous! Carrick stands to speak.

_"Thank you all for joining us this evening. Grace and I are happy to have all of our children back in Seattle. We are also grateful to have Ray Steele, Ana's dad. Your daughter has been such a blessing to this family. We are so excited that she and Christian have decided to make her a permanent part of the Grey clan._

Shit, I didn't know Carrick was going to announce our engagement. Of course Mia is the only person that doesn't know, but I wanted to tell her myself. I see her eyes get wide and before I know it she is out of her chair squealing and running straight for me. I brace myself for the impact.

**_"Yay I finally get a sister! We will have to throw an engagement party."_**

"Mia that isn't necessary."

**_"I won't take no for an answer. Mom and I will plan it all and we can have it here. Right mom?"_**

_"I think that is a wonderful idea. You and Christian just pick a weekend that works for you and Mia and I will take care of the rest. All you will have to do is show up."_

I look toward Christian to save me. He just smirks.

**"You'll be better off just giving them their way, trust me."**

"Okay, I give just nothing crazy over the top." I know it's a moot point, but I had to try.

Christian puts his hand on my leg and smiles. I know with that simple gesture he's over our earlier fight. Hopefully that subject won't rear its ugly head again soon. The commotion dies down and Carrick says grace so we can eat. After dinner we retire to the den with coffee and dessert. I think I may go into a sugar coma any minute. I lean and whisper to Christian.

"I am so tired can we go home?" He just nods and stands.

**"Mom, dad thanks for having us. It has been a long day and I am going to get Ana and Ray back to my place."**

Grace thanks us again for coming, kissing me on the cheek and wrapping my dad in an embrace. I can tell my dad was pleasantly surprised at how laid back they are. They blow all wealthy stereotypes out of the water. I fall asleep on Christian's lap on the way home. He picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. As much as I want some makeup sex I am too exhausted. Maybe morning sex will be on the menu tomorrow. With that thought I drift off to peaceful dreams.

The morning doesn't disappoint. Christian is as ready for me as I am for him. I try to keep my volume down remembering that my dad is in the house. We do it in the bed, then on the bathroom counter and finally in the shower all before breakfast. I hate fighting with him, but the makeup sex may just be worth a few arguments. I make breakfast and we sit at the breakfast bar. Dad and I reminisce about old times and Christian just eats up all the ammunition he is getting to tease me with. I don't worry I will be sure to have that lunch date with his mom and get some ammo of my own. I would love for dad to stay longer, but I know he has work in the morning. He goes to bed extremely early. I am always teasing him that soon he will be eating dinner at 4pm. I say my goodbyes and walk him down to his car.

"Thanks for coming daddy. I am going to miss you."

_"I'll miss you to Annie. Remember you can stay with me any time. I owe you a little time on the lake."_

"Soon, I promise."

He starts his car and drives away. I can't help but feel a little melancholy. Recalling the darkness of the past week serves as a reminder of what a great man he is. Without even knowing it he restored my self-worth all those years ago. One day I will be brave enough to thank him. I waive until he is out of sight allowing a lone tear to escape my eye.

Heading back to the elevator I notice a young athletic man enter just after me. He asked me what floor and when I tell him he comments how that is the floor he is going to. Funny, Christian's apartment spans the entire floor and I find myself curious as to whom he is.

"I'm Ana, how are you today."

_"Oh yes Miss Steele. My name is Luke Sawyer I'm good and you?"_

What the hell. How does he know my last name? I have got to get to the bottom of this.

"Can I ask you how you know my last name?"

_"I was hired by Mr. Grey to be your personal security."_

"Oh really, is that so? It looks like Mr. Grey and I have some things to discuss."

_"I'm sorry, I assumed you knew. Taylor made it seem like you understood that you would have personal security."_

"Don't worry about it. It is not you I am upset with. It is nice to meet you by the way and if you are going to be my tail 24/7 the least you could do is call me Ana."

_"Okay Ana it was nice to meet you too."_

The elevator opens and I direct Luke to Taylor's office then I immediately stalk to find Mr. Grey. He is definitely getting a piece of my mind. I understand perfectly that he is concerned for my safety, but hiring someone to guard me without my input. I am not an infant. I have a brain and opinions. I want to be seen as his equal not as a piece of fragile glass, that needs protecting. I find him in his office. I slam the door after entering and sit in the chair directly facing him.

**"Is everything okay?"**

"No everything is not 'okay' I just rode on the elevator with my new personal security. When were you planning on telling me that you hired someone specifically to watch me?"

**"I didn't think it was important. We had already discussed that you would have someone with you whenever you left the apartment. Taylor cannot be in 3 places at once so I hired to 2 people to help him out."**

"I can understand that, but didn't you think maybe I would want to have a say in this. What if I don't like him?"

**"Anastasia he isn't your friend he is your bodyguard. It doesn't matter if he has a good personality?"**

"It does to me. This is all new to me and it would make the transition into this life easier if I at least got a long with the person that will be with me the majority of my day."

**"Like you get along with Jacob?"**

"Seriously, this again, you are impossible. This has nothing to do with Jacob. This has everything to do with the fact that you see me as something that needs to be put up on a pedestal or locked in a case for protection. I am not made of glass Christian I am not going to break. If we are going to spend the rest of our lives together you are going to have to start seeing me as an equal. We both have our gifts and I want to lean on you for yours to help guide me in this life together, but likewise you have to use mine. Marriage is about give and take and if you can't do that then I don't think we need to pursue this any further."

**"Are you breaking up with me, Ana?"**

"No. I just want you to think about what I am saying. The ball is in your court. We can both work on communication and trust in all areas or we end it." I feel a twinge of guilt knowing that I am keeping something from him. I know I can't just lock this away again. I am going to have to trust him and hope Flynn can help me get a handle on whatever these emotions are that are rising to the surface.

I turn and leave hoping that he won't over react in true Christian fashion, but stew it over and see this is the only way.


	76. Chapter 75

Thanks for the reviews. First I want to address that Ana a Christian never had sex in their parent's home. Ray was staying with them at Escala so it was their home, however, I have been married 16 years and I don't have any issues having sex at my parent's or my in-laws house. TMI but wanted to clarify. I am not sure how you made it through the real 50 shades since they were having sex everywhere. Also, I understand that they are both acting childish. Remember they are truly in their first relationship. They will grow up together so to speak. Keep reading and reviewing.

I own nothing...

Chapter 75

Finding my phone I call John.

"John its Ana, I know it is Sunday, but I really need to talk to you."

_"Is it something we could discuss over the phone?"_

"I would rather not, but if you are busy I could possibly wait until tomorrow."

_"No it is okay. I can meet you at the office in 30 minutes if that works."_

"Perfect. Thanks John, see you in 30 minutes."

I don't want to spend this entire day mad at Christian over this. Nor do I want to carry this anxiety around anymore. Hopefully, this will cure both problems. I feel a little bad blowing up at him. I know he only wants to keep me safe. I am grateful for his protection. I don't want to be at the mercy of Elena ever again. I just want every decision to be a discussion. I am sure I would just defer back to his expertise, but I want to know my opinion at least matters. I didn't do a good job at portraying those feelings. I need him to get a grip on this Jacob situation. Before Jacob it was Jose. When will he see I chose him? I want him, no one else. I decide to avoid another argument so I just send Christian a text before walking out the door.

*Headed to talk to Flynn be back later

I push send and get in Bernice. I am forgetting security. Maybe I should give and let Luke come with.

*Send Luke down and he can ride with.

See I can compromise. 2 minutes later Luke exits the elevator and gets in the car.

_"Nice car. This is a classic."_

"Tell Christian that, he thinks it's a death trap. Honestly I am surprised he hasn't forbid me to drive it yet. He probably just forgot all about it since he lost his memory."

I see his shock. I figured Taylor had filled him in. I spend the next 10 minutes updating him on the last month living in this soap opera I call a life. I leave out the exact details of Elena's assault. I know Taylor has identified the threat to him, but I want to make sure he sees this from a human perspective not just a job. I arrive at Flynn's office feeling slightly relieved. I had some say after all in my own security. Luke waits in the downstairs lobby while I go in.

_"Ana, please have a seat."_

"I am sorry for calling you on the weekend."

_"Nonsense, I told you to call me anytime and I meant it. Now, what is going on?"_

"Christian is driving me up the wall."

_"Expound please."_

"Jacob was at his parent's last night with Mia and he acted so jealous. I just thought we were past that."

_"Ah yes Jacob that you dated in New York."_

"I wouldn't say 2 dates constitutes as dating."

_"No a normal person wouldn't you are right, but Christian is anything but normal. You should know this by now."_

"Yes I know. We just spent so much time in New York building our trust and communicating and I see him reverting back to his old self."

"_He has never shared anything or anyone, Ana. He had to go against all instincts to be half way understanding of you wanting to go on another date with Jacob. Does that make any sense?"_

"Yes, I just want to be past it. I chose him. I am marrying him. What more does he need from me to relax in that?"

_"Are you still having nightmares?"_

"Yes." I look at the floor.

_"Has Christian been there to experience your torment?"_

"Yes." I knot my fingers as I continue to stare at the ground.

_"Has he asked you to talk to him about them?"_

"Yes."

_"We will have to talk to Christian as to his exact state of mind, but I can assume after knowing him for many years that he feels like you are slipping away. He can't get you to open up so he does the next best thing. He controls the situation around him by trying to control you. His comments about Jacob are fear of this unknown. He doesn't really feel that you are going to leave him for Jacob, but he does feel he is going to lose you. Christian has spent his life manipulating his environment through control. You have helped him release a portion of that pattern, but when he is vulnerable he will revert back to it out of habit. You need to tell him whatever it is that is going on with you."_

"I know. I just don't want to lose him."

_"What makes you think you will lose him if you confide in him?"_

"I will be damaged goods. I was an innocent seemingly perfect untouched girl when we met. What if that is what he wants? What if when he finds out that I am broken he doesn't want me anymore?"

I am starting to sob just thinking about the rejection.

_"You really think Christian would walk out on you because you have a past?"_

"Yes. He kicked me out because he thought I was pregnant. This will be so much worse."

_"He thought you were trying to trap him. Granted not his best moment, but what you are going through has nothing to do with him. What if you tell me and then we can work through it and find a way to break it to Christian in a joint session so I can help you both with the reactions."_

"Okay."

_"Just start wherever you feel most comfortable."_

I take a deep breath and begin.

"I was 15 years old. My mom had just married Stephen Morton, the man she left my dad for. We moved to Las Vegas to be with him. She has a thing for military men. Both my biological father and Ray were ex-military. He was stationed Nellis Air Force base so we had to move. At first I saw it as an adventure. When your 15 Las Vegas seems so exciting, all the lights and beautiful architecture. The first month was great. I had settled in okay at school. Stephen seemed to really love my mom and we were good. Then one night I disagreed with my mom over one of my new friends. I honestly can't remember the details, but just like any teenage girl I was head strong and felt my mom was being overbearing. I ended up grounded, but the next day we talked it through more rationally in private and made amends. My mom had to run some errands that afternoon and I was alone in the house with Stephen. I was in my room doing homework when he entered. He was a large man and in very good physical condition. He pulled his belt out of his pant loops, bent me over the bed and proceeded to hit me. I was confused. I didn't understand why he was doing it. I asked him to please stop. The more I increased my pleading, begging him, the harder he hit. Once he was satisfied he stopped. That time all he said was that I asked for it for fighting with my mother. I sat in my room and cried. When my mom got home I escaped into the bathroom by taking a bath and telling her I wasn't feeling well. Part of me felt guilty. I was horrible to my mom. Maybe I did deserve it. She was so happy and I hadn't seen her that way in a long time so I kept my mouth shut. Over the next 6 months the beatings increased in frequency and intensity. He always said it was because I didn't respect my elders. Toward the end I would get a beating for just making eye contact with him or not saying yes sir. My grades were suffering, I was becoming withdrawn. My mom tried to get me to talk, but I just shut down. I asked her to go back to Ray and she let me."

_"What did he beat you with?"_

"Mostly his belt, but occasionally a broomstick."

_"Does anyone know about this?"_

"You."

_"Ana. This is not something you can carry around and be okay. The beating from Elena brought this to the surface, but it would have surfaced eventually. Honestly, I am surprised you didn't have a harder time dealing with what Christian did to you the first time in the playroom."_

"I told you, I knew deep down he didn't want to hurt me. Actually, it felt empowering to be able to take it and then turn to him and ask if he felt better. I felt strong finally. With Elena I was helpless. I hadn't made the choice to be there and couldn't defend myself. I felt 15 again and I hated it."

_"This is understandable. I do feel like you need to tell Christian all of this. What if he has the desire to take you in the playroom again to fulfill a need? He has to understand your limits and why."_

"I told him I was willing to try some stuff with him, but I couldn't be hit."

_"Yes, but he needs to know why you can't be hit Ana. This is much more than a preference. You can't build a trusting relationship if you aren't willing to disclose everything."_

My words to Christian are coming back to haunt me. I know he's right. I'm just scared. I have kept this hidden for so long.

_"What would you say if I wanted you to do a joint session right now?"_

"Now?"

_"Yes. I don't want you losing your nerve. I feel like the more you sit on this the harder it is going to be to tell him."_

"Okay, but will you call him. We were fighting when I left and I just don't want to irritate him more. I need him in a half way decent mood if I am going to do this."

John uses his office phone to call Christian. He expresses that he feels it would be in both our best interests to have a joint session today. It obviously didn't take much convincing because he was there within 10 minutes.

_"Christian please sit."_

He sits and holds my hand. I know I look like a mess. My face is probably blotchy and my eyes puffy from sobbing.

_"Ana has expressed to me that you have been a little controlling in the past few days."_

**"I just feel like I just got her back after the plane crash and she is slipping through my fingers again. "**

_"You worked so hard in New York to build a relationship on communication. What do you feel has changed?"_

**"In New York she was so vibrant and honest with her feelings. Now I just feel like she is bouncing from extremes. She is either distant and aloof or overly sensitive and dramatic."**

I can't really argue with this. I feel like a walking contradiction lately.

_"Do you feel as though your reactions to her mood swings encourage her to open up to you?"_

**"I've tried and gotten nowhere which just frustrates me more and so in order to gain control I make stupid comments."**

_"Like?"_

**"Anything about Jacob."**

_"I really feel like you are both hurting right now and instead of communicating about the source you are trying to protect yourself in turn hurting each other."_

Gotta give him credit he is good at what he does.

_"Ana is ready to share with you what is going on with her. I want to stress to you that you cannot over react no matter how you feel. This is Ana's burden and it has taken a lot for her to feel free to tell anyone including you."_

I don't look at him. I stare at my hands continuing to knot them together. The tears begin before I ever say a word. Finally, I take a deep breath and it just spills out. Every sorted detail and I am shaking and sobbing by the end. I know at some point Christian placed his hand on my back and lightly rubbed it trying to comfort me, but I was reliving the hell that was my life for 6 months. It doesn't seem like a lot especially in comparison to what Christian had to endure as a child, but it was hell to me. Christian gets off the couch and kneels on the floor in front of me. He raises my head so that our eyes meet and I see the tears falling.

**"Ana, why didn't you tell me this?"**

"I've never told another soul before Flynn."

**"Why?"**

"I was ashamed. I tried to be perfect and respectful, but no matter what I did he wouldn't stop."

**"I never would have taken you into the playroom had I known this."**

"I needed to experience it as much as you did. I felt like I was facing my attacker for the first time and when you felt remorse it was soothing. Elena took that victory away."

**"I literally could kill them both for what they did to you."**

"You aren't going to leave me?"

**"What? Why would I leave you? I understand damage better than most. You healed me and now it is my turn to heal you."**

I hiccup and sob loudly. This is the man who said he had no heart, could never love, and here he stands accepting me flaws and all. I know this isn't going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.


	77. Chapter 76

Thanks for the reviews and the new follows. I love that more people are enjoying my story. There is a lot coming up you won't want to miss. In the mean time keep giving me feedback.

I own nothing...

Chapter 76

**"We will make it past this. I abandoned you once and I felt empty and dead. I am in this for the long haul. You are my heart Ana and I will never leave you again."**

I just let him comfort me with his words, still trying to control my emotions.

_"Ana, I really feel like sharing this could bring you and Christian closer. You both have an understanding on what it is like to be hurt by an authority figure in your life. Granted each of you dealt with the abuse in different ways. However, your background can serve to bond your love and respect. I have no doubt that you love each other. I do feel like the respect aspect could be better, as well your communication needs some work. I want you to try something. I want you to journal to one another."_

We both look at him like he is crazy. What the heck is he talking about?

_"Make a date and go shop for 2 nice journals and pens. Every time either of you feels frustrated by the other I want you to write down your feelings I have found that it is easier to express ourselves through writing. We also tend to temper ourselves instead of flying off the handle when we are angry. It gives you time to process your thoughts without blowing things out of proportion. Only after you have written are you allowed to discuss the situation with each other. Once a week you will bring your journal to our session and we will read it. This will help you sort out any lingering resentments. It is like having perspective before the conversation instead of after. We all know that hind sight is always 20/20, but I hope that this will help build productive communication. I will be working with both of on how to listen. You have a tendency to hear one another, but you lack in the listening department. The journal will prove to open your ears and eyes to your partner's fears, doubts, as well as desires. Do you have any questions?"_

"Can we write down positive things too?"

_"Absolutely, you may find it hard to express your love accurately so use the journal to help with those thoughts too."_

I actually like this idea. I find myself speaking before I think things through and then wishing I could go back and redo the entire confrontation.

_"I want to prompt you both on your first journal entry. You need to discuss how each of your abusive pasts makes you feel. You might have to remember some hard things, but it will help you get a handle on the emotions that you allow to be your coping mechanisms. I know that Christian will not be surprised that control will be on the top of his list and Ana you will probably have guilt on the top of yours. I do think that if you dig deep there are emotions that neither of you have ever dealt with. We will discuss this in a joint session on Thursday."_

We all stand. I have calmed down some and am I actually looking forward to this exercise. Granted I'm scared to death, but I just want to deal with it and move on. Truly move on. I am uncertain how Christian feels about this whole journaling thing. He seems deep in thought and I can't get a good read on his body language. He leads me out. I notice Luke is gone. I can only assume Christian dismissed him. We exit the building and I head toward Bernice.

**"I forgot you were driving that hunk of junk."**

I channel my inner peace and take a deep breath before I speak.

"I love this car. I'll meet you back at Escala. If it makes you feel better just follow me so you will know I arrive safe." I keep my voice calm and passive.

This is just Christian's way of letting me know he is concerned with my safety. We will have to work on his delivery. Part of me wants to go get a journal now. I see lots of writing in my future. Back at Escala I make us lunch. I am drained from the session today, although I feel much lighter.

"Let's go do something fun with the rest of the day? I want to get out and enjoy the weather. We both know the rain will be here soon enough."

**"What are you thinking?"**

"Actually I was hoping we could go up in Charlie Tango."

**"That sounds like a plan. Let me make the arrangements." I kiss her on the forehead. I am always up for flying especially after such a heavy and emotional day. I call the heliport arrange a take-off time and 30 minutes later we are in the R8 flying down the highway.**

**"I know you are worn out emotionally from today, but I wanted to thank you again for sharing with me. I love you Ana."**

"I love you too."

I have always tended to over think. I should have known that Christian would never leave me because I had a sadistic step-father. Now that it is out in the open I feel a little silly that I made such a big deal about how he would react. We love each other, we are going to be married if I can't share my feelings with him then we are doomed. Flynn is right, writing will be good. I need to learn how to express myself in a positive and productive way.

The rest of the afternoon is spent soaring over Seattle and Tacoma. Christian in flying mode always lightens my spirits. I forget about the darkness of the last few days and enjoy just being with him. He takes me toward Mt. Reiner. It is a clear day and the view is spectacular. We arrive back to Escala a little after 6 pm. I make us a light dinner and we settle in to pick up where we left off with my gift to him in New York. Once the movie is over I know there is only one thing that could make this evening better.

"I need you." I whisper into his ear.

He immediately grabs my face guiding it to his lips. His kisses start soft but rapidly turn course and desperate. Making love is the one aspect of our relationship that we know exactly how to communicate. From the first time there has been a connection. I can't recall ever being awkward. We just fit and our bodies move in sync so well. He lays me on the couch and strips away my jeans as I tug at the hem of his t-shirt. It is a dance, a beautiful and well-choreographed dance. He tugs my pants and I lift my hips as they glide off along with my panties. Then he raises his arms as I remove his shirt. I sit up kissing his chest and he exhales a small moan. I'll never take for granted that he lets me touch him. I feel most loved when my hands or lips are caressing his scars. In this moment I release all of my fears and just let him heal me the way he does best. I take my own shirt off tossing it to the floor while he removes his pants and boxers. He lets my breasts free from their bondage and takes a nipple in his mouth. I groan in ecstasy urging him on with my hands on the back of his head. He kisses down my stomach and the chills rise. I shiver with desire as he pecks each hip bone. Spreading my legs he parts my lips and takes me in his mouth. My emotions are still on the surface and a tear escapes, not from fear or pain, but love. This man loves me and I know he will spend these next moments showing me just how much. I feel my orgasm approaching and he picks up his pace as I squirm and moan. He places a finger in and strokes just the right spot sending me over the edge. Before I descend he rises and kisses my lips at the same time plunging into me. He thrusts hard, I know he's just trying to become one with me. I meet his rhythm and together we climb never removing our gaze. As we climax I express my undying love and he reciprocates. He picks me up and takes me to the bathroom where we both sink into a relaxing hot bath washing away any doubts that may be lingering.


	78. Chapter 77

Thanks for the reviews. There are some music references and links in this chapter. I meant to use Without You by David Guetta when Christian was trying to win Anna back in New York, but I forgot to add it. Here is the link of you are curious what the song says.

watch?v=doWIkO1GGVo

Share music or other ideas.

Chapter 77

It's back to the grind on Monday. We all chose to work through Labor Day. I was happy to see Scout and Sawyer at the office. They are such respectful and creative children. I spend the morning chit chatting with them about the new school year. Maggie and Mark are both in the office for the first time since I've been back full time. All day I find myself noticing how well they communicate. I would say they have equally strong personalities and opinions. I wonder if they have always interacted this well. I decide to talk to Maggie. Hopefully, she will have some insight. I knock at her door.

"Hey Maggie, Are you busy?"

_"Not too bad, whatcha got?"_

"I was curious if I could ask you a personal question?"

_"Sure."_

"Have you and Mark always gotten along so well? You just seem to have a great relationship and I was curious if it has always been so easy for you to communicate?"

_"Funny thing is we don't always communicate. We are best friends and as you know with any friendship there are times when you can't stand the other person. We have both learned to let the little things go. I had to learn early not to nitpick all of his bad habits or things I didn't agree with. He had to learn to communicate when something was important to him. Men seem to think we can read their minds. Honestly I think we try sometimes, but it always turns out wrong. We are just made differently. I think women always see the emotional side of things. We make small things into big things and men tend to not see the small things at all. They are logical. The hard part is finding that balance."_

"How do you make it work? There has to be times when he frustrates you."

_"More than you can imagine. My grandparents have been married over 50 years. My grandmother is the wisest woman I know. On my wedding day she gave me a piece of advice that seemed so small at the time. She said 'Maggie if you spend your days trying to make him happy and not worrying about what he isn't doing for you then everything else will fall into place.' I didn't quite understand what she was talking about then. Now after 10 years of marriage it is so simple. She wasn't telling me to take crap or abuse from him, she was telling me to do the little things that I know make him happy. We have all heard it is better to give than receive. When we are dating we love giving to our partner. The longer you are together or if life throws challenges the less you tend to give. We start seeing how our needs are not being met. The idea is to never stop giving."_

"That makes sense. What do you do when you don't seem to be on the same page?"

_"We go on a date. We take time away from all distractions and reconnect. I want you to know that every relationship has its challenges. Looking from the outside in it will seem that some are seemingly perfect, trust me they aren't. Try not to compare yourselves to others, find what works for you and stick with it. Also, you will face challenges that other couples don't. Christian is extremely wealthy and famous. I have some understanding of how you feel on the wealth aspect. Like you I was raised in middle class America. Mark's parents did a great job at keeping their kids grounded, but extravagance is something they always had. It took me a long time to understand that he was not buying my love and that he didn't see me as a gold digger. Let Christian be who he is, don't worry about what other people think. Those who know you best know how much you love him and would even if all his money was to suddenly vanish."_

"Thanks Maggie. I just feel so overwhelmed. This is my first relationship, we got engaged so quickly. I don't doubt that I want to marry him, but there are a lot of things we need to learn. Failure is not an option and I don't want to look back 15 years down the line and wish I had done things differently. "

_"Ana, you have the most important mind set to making any marriage work. You have to refuse to fail. I know you will do what it takes to make this work, but feel free to talk to me anytime. I definitely don't have all the answers. We are all still learning."_

"I feel a lot better. Thanks again."

I go back to my desk and check my emails. First in the inbox is from Christian.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Says it all

**Date: **September 3, 2012

**To: **Anastasia Steele

Stayed home to work in the office. I decided t browse youtube for love songs. The one below says exactly how I feel about you. Hope you are getting a lot accomplished, can't wait for 5 o'clock.

watch?v=HwNJcXAdsKo

Hunter Hayes – Make You Fell Wanted

I mean every word.

x Christian

Hopelessly In Love, CEO Grey Enterprise Holding, Inc.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Through my tears

**Date: **September 3, 2012

**To: **Christian Grey

I love it and I love you. Music always makes it easy to express ourselves. I am sure Maggie is a little worried since I am crying as I scroll through my emails. I can't wait for 5 o'clock either see you soon.

watch?v=ZYqcpTYQ8I4

Jason Myraz – I won't give up

x Ana

Never Giving Up Assistant Editor, William Publishing

I hit send and hope the words of the song touch his heart as much as his dedication touched mine. I think tonight we should go get our journals. I feel so blessed to have Flynn and Maggie in our lives. I know we will be okay. I've never been afraid to work hard for something. God knows Christian is an expert at getting what he wants. Fate has conspired to bring us together many times over now it is up to us to take it the rest of the way.

Maggie and Mark ask me to take the kids to lunch so they can finish up a project. I do my best to explain the man in the suit following us. It's Luke and Sawyer is amused that his last name matches her first. They are quick friends after that. We walk down to the market and eat at Three Girls Bakery then dessert at Chocolate and Ice Cream Dessert. I know Maggie will appreciate me keeping them out of her hair so we go to the pier and ride the Great Wheel. It's a first for all of us. It extends 40 feet over Elliott Bay and is 175 feet tall. The views are spectacular and the kids seem to enjoy themselves, as does Luke. We stroll through some of the shops along the water on our way back. I find out that Scout has a interest in sailboats and Sawyer everything pink. By the time we arrive at WP Luke has Sawyer on his shoulders. She got too tired to walk.

**_"Mommy, mommy did you know we have the same name?" Sawyer says patting Luke on the head._**

_"Really? That is so cool. Make sure to tell Luke thank you for carrying you back."_

**_"Thank you Luke. Will you go with us tomorrow?"_**

**"I think you need to go to school tomorrow?" Luke asks as he removes her from his shoulders.**

Sawyer's face drops and her lip starts to pucker. I distract her with a game on my computer.

_"Ana, why don't you go home early? Thanks for keeping them occupied it was a big help." Maggie says.  
_

"It was my pleasure. They are great kids. Maggie, I'll see you tomorrow. You two have a great day at school tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll see you later this week." They run and give me hugs and my heart swells.

Luke picks me up in the SUV. I hate riding in silence.

"You are good with kids."

_"Thanks, I have an older sister with 3 kids and I spend as much time as possible with them."_

"Where does your family live?"

_"They live in the Bay Area of California. I just got to spend the last month there since I was between jobs. It was great because they were out of school."_

"How often do you get to go home?"

_"I'm not sure. That is really up to Mr. Grey."_

"Well I will try to make sure he gives you enough time off. I hate for you to spend so much time with me that you want to quit."

_"Actually, I quite enjoy being your security. I have dealt with a lot of wealthy people and ones like you are rare."_

"That's because I'm not wealthy. Christian is the one with the money. I am just a regular girl in love with an extremely wealthy man. There are times I wish we were both middle class just trying to make ends meet, but then Christian wouldn't be Christian."

_"Just don't let the money change you."_

"Deal. Thanks again for helping with the kids today."

_"Anytime."_

We pull in and park. Luke opens my door. He really is a good guy. I guess I should admit that I like him to Christian, especially since I went off on him yesterday. I enter the apartment and greet Gail then I go to the bedroom and change into yoga pants and a slouchy t-shirt. Then I go find Christian. It's still early so I'm sure he is in his office. I can hear his voice speaking to Taylor. I stop deciding to go to the Library and let them finish when I hear a name that stops me dead in my tracks.

**"Taylor please contact Welch and pull all records on Stephen Morton."**

_"How far back would you like them to go, sir?"_

**"As far back as possible, I want to know everything about this man."**

_"I'll get on it immediately. I will report back as soon as we have the info."_

**"Thanks Taylor you can go now."**

Taylor exits and smiles at me, I know I look shell shocked. Every ounce of me wants to go nuclear on Christian. Why is he looking up Stephen? I just want to move past this. I could care less where that son of bitch is. Honestly, I secretly hope he is rotting in a ditch somewhere. I feel my breathing getting erratic. I take deep breaths and start talking myself out of over reacting. Christian is probably just trying to protect me. He would never do anything to hurt me. I keep repeating this in my head. Eventually, I am calm. Now how do I approach this? I will ask him about it I just don't want to put him on the defensive. I knock and hear him call for me to come in.

**"Hey, you're home early. I am so happy to see you. This day was crawling at a snail's pace."**

"Maggie let me go early. Thanks for the song it was so sweet."

**"You're welcome. I meant every word of it. Thank you for your song. I have to admit I got emotional when I heard it."**

"I realized today that no matter what we have to remind each other that failure is not an option. We can work through anything. I love you and I will NEVER give up on us."

He reaches out his hand and I place mine into it. He pulls me close and we just stand silent in an embrace. No words need to be spoken. After a long pause I decide to mention my accidental eavesdropping.

"Why do you want to find Stephen Morton?" I keep my head buried in his chest.

**"I just need to keep you safe."**

"I understand the emotion, but I haven't had any contact with him in several years. Do you think he would try to hurt me?"

**"I don't know. I just need to have my ducks in a row just in case. Plus, once we announce our engagement publicly it will be reported all over the country. I want to be sure that he isn't in a position to cause you harm."**

"Okay. Will you promise to keep me in the loop? I know you won't want to, but I want to know everything you find out, please."

**"Okay, since you asked so nicely. Now let's get out of here. I was thinking of playing a little pool tonight."**

I smile and my core tightens. A replay of The Hamptons, mmm this is the best news I've heard all day.


	79. Chapter 78

Thanks for the PM, reviews and followers. You all have given me some great ideas. I plan on using several of them. Bare with me as we get through this hard session with Flynn. Ana's bday is coming up and we all know Christian will be full of surprises. I would love some ideas for her bday weekend and the engagement party. Happy Reading as always!

I own nothing...

Chapter 78

On Wednesday we made a lunch date to shop for our journals. Our choices couldn't have been more different. Christian chose a brown leather Bombay tie journal and a Monte Blanc pen. Mine is red embossed Italian leather with a bead tie. I picked a Hermione wand pen for fun. Maybe I am hoping to channel my inner Hermione. Afterward we stop for lunch.

"We need to get back to Mia about a date for the engagement party. She practically calls me daily bugging me about it."

**"Let me have Andrea check my schedule and I will give you two dates to choose from."**

"Okay. I'm not sure I am ready for whatever Mia has in store for us."

**"Mia can be very overwhelming, but she has a big heart and is a great party planner. She will make sure everything is perfect."**

"In know, I just don't like being fussed over."

**"You are going to have to get used to that. I plan on fussing over you for the rest of your life."**

I just smile, remembering Maggie's advice to let him be who he is.

**"So this weekend is your birthday weekend. Are you ready for what I have in store?"**

"Probably not." Winking at him.

After lunch he takes me back to work, walking me in and kissing me before leaving. I have to find the time tonight to work on my assignment before our session tomorrow morning. I have no idea how to approach it. Journaling about my relationship with Christian is one thing, but addressing my feelings about Stephen and Elena is another. I can feel the bile rise in my throat just thinking about it. I know this is something I have to do. Really I need to do it. I just am not really sure what I feel about everything. There is a ping in my inbox from Christian.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Dates

**Date: **September 5, 2012

**To: **Anastasia Steele

See if either of these weekends will work for you and Mia.

September 29th

October 5th

I can't wait to tell the world you're mine.

Christian

Eager, CEO Grey Enterprise Holding, Inc.

I immediately call Mia and set the date. We decide October 5, 2012 will be the day.

"Thanks for all your work Mia, but please don't go too over top." I know I am talking to a brick wall, but one can hope.

_"Oh, Ana you don't worry about a thing just go buy a pretty outfit and show up on my brother's arm."_

"Mia you are so bad. How are you and Jacob doing?"

_"I think I'm in love. I can't believe he came all the way to Seattle to be with me."_

"Why not? You're a catch. Not just because you can plan parties." I have a sarcastic tone. "You are beautiful, bubbly, and compassionate. Do I need to keep going?"

_"I know who to call when I'm having a down on Mia day. Thanks Ana. I am so excited to finally get a sister. I couldn't have asked for a better one."_

"Thanks Mia, I better get back to work or we will just keep going in circles about how highly we consider on another. Have a great day! See you soon."

_"See you soon, bye." _

She hangs up and I type out a quick email to Christian.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **It's a go

**Date: **September 3, 2012

**To: **Christian Grey

Talked to Mia – Oct 5th is the day. I tried to talk her out of a huge event, but I am sure you know how that turned out. Not that I don't want the world to know that you are mine, but I am just a little worried what might happen when we open this can of worms. I am going somewhere quiet after work to do my assignment from Flynn. I promise I won't be late I just need a clear head. Don't worry I'll take Luke with me.

Ana

Future Mrs. Grey : ), Assistant Editor Williams Publishing

I hit send and get back to work. At 5 Luke drives me to Kerry Park in Queen Anne. This is one of my favorite spots in the city. It has panoramic views of downtown, the space needle and the sound. Usually it is buzzing with people trying to get the post card perfect picture. Today it is unusually quiet. I don't mind and I pass it off as being Wednesday before the dinner crowd hits. I find a bench and settle in. Luke keeps just enough distance to insure my privacy but not be too far in case danger surfaces. I stare at the blank page for a long time. I am trying to mentally get a handle on where to start. I am not sure I know how I feel right now. I play over each act of violence in my head trying to channel some emotions. As the tears flow so does my pen. Before I know it I have written 3 pages front and back in my journal. Writing this has somehow helped relieve the anxiety from earlier. I get what Flynn is trying to make me see. The abuse both from Stephen and Elena was something that happened TO me, but it is NOT me. I am so much more than those awful events. I am a survivor. I am Anastasia Steele, daughter, friend, and fiancé. I am the first to recognize the positive in people and yet it is so hard to see the same qualities in myself. With Christian I feel strong, beautiful and special. He fills in all my gaps and I love him in spite of all his frustrating traits. I know what I have to do. Luke and I go to the car, driving in silence all the way back to Escala. The silence is not awkward. We seem to both have things on our mind.

Christian is sitting at the breakfast bar chatting with Gail. It is endearing to see him interacting with the help as he calls them. It is proof to me that I have had an influence in his life. Gail seems to enjoy this side of him. Why wouldn't she. Relaxed Christian can be so fun and likeable. I walk to him settling into his lap but encouraging him with my eyes to continue his conversation. Once they are done, Gail goes upstairs to do some sort of chore. I know she is just giving us time alone.

**"Did you find the space you needed?"**

"I did. Have you done your assignment yet?" I am surprised when he confirms that his is complete.

**"I missed you today. How about a little one on one time before dinner?"**

"I'm always up for some one on one with you."

My feet hit the ground as he rises, taking me by the hand and leading me to the bedroom. Once the door is secured he pushes me up against it. One hand on my jawbone and the other pressed on the door just above my head. Christian towers over my small frame. In this position I feel safe, like he is my protector. When I am with Christian nothing and no one can hurt me. I relax under his spell, all of the emotions of earlier replaced with trust, love and primitive desire. His lips find mine touching them softly. I slip my tongue between his parted lips. As much as I want him to be tender and loving my craving needs to be filled. He increases his intensity.

"I want you now, here against the door. I can't wait."

We rip and tear at each other's clothes while our lips wander from lips to cheek to forehead back to lips. Once we are naked I jump into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist while kissing his neck and shoulders. He slides into me and dig my heels in his perfectly sculpted ass. We fall back against the door with a thud.

"Harder." I beg.

He doesn't disappoint. As he plunges I dig deeper with my heels forcing my hips upward. As I come I scream his name over and over which pushes him to release inside me. I feel complete like this. Knowing I will have this beautiful man for the rest of my life brings a smile to my face. I bury my head in his nick and whisper on his skin.

"I love you."

**"I love you too."**

We shower and go eat. Gail prepared a delicious dinner. I can tell we are both thinking of our time tomorrow morning with Flynn. The next morning we are quiet as we get ready for the appointment. Christian makes sure to strategically touch my hand or place it on my lower back. I couldn't decide if this was for my reassurance or his. We arrive at the office just before 8 am. John is ready and invites us to both sit wherever we are most comfortable. Christian and I sit on the couch holding hands as John speaks.

_"I see you both have your journals. I am glad that you took my assignment seriously. Who wants to read first?"_

I decide to get it out of the way.

"Can I just talk or do I need to read word for word what I wrote?"

_"Ana that is your call, do whatever makes you most comfortable."_

"I went Kerry Park yesterday to gather my thoughts. I had a lot of anxiety about this assignment. Honestly I didn't want to do it at all. I had buried all of these feelings deep within and I didn't know what would happen if I drug them to the surface. I just sat and stared at the skyline for a long time recalling all that had happened with Stephen and then Elena." When I said her name Christian squeezed my hand most likely out of guilt. I continued. "I let myself feel every emotion and there were many. I was scared, hurt, guilty, helpless and weak. The more I relived it the more my anxiety rose, then I wrote. I just started writing and it flowed from me with no effort. The more I wrote the better I felt. It was like a cleansing. I had never spoke of it before our last session and I realized just how much I needed to purge it all from my system. When I was done I sat and reflected. These events happened to me and as tragic as they were they aren't who I am. I am not Anastasia Steele the victim. I have given them both so much power, first physically and then emotionally. I decided to write down all of the things they can never take from me. I felt empowered understanding that I am not defined by my circumstances. Then it hit me. I knew there was only one thing that would heal me."

_"What was that, Ana?"_

"I have to forgive them." Christian looked at me as if I was crazy. I could tell he wanted to protest, but John spoke before he could.

_"You're right. People mistake forgiveness for weakness or allowing their abuser to get off scot free. What was it that made you think this was the only way to move past it? Can you express your thoughts?"_

"I just wanted to let it go. By hanging onto the hatred I was still giving them control over my happiness. I didn't know how exactly to do this so I kept running over it in my head I want to be free and in order to do it I set them free. Don't get me wrong I don't want Stephen or Elena anywhere near me. I pity them both. I get to go on and have a happy life with the man that I love and they will remain miserable. I don't want to be miserable anymore." Christian wraps his arm around me pulling me closer. He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

**"You are an amazing woman Ana."**

_"He's right. It takes many people a lifetime to get where you are. Some never do. I want you to do one more thing to help finalize your forgiveness. I want you to write a letter to Elena and Stephen expressing all of your feelings about what they did. Let them know that in spite of it you are granting forgiveness. You can bury, burn it or send it. The choice is yours."_

"I think I can do that. Thanks John for all your help." I give him a small smile.

_"Now Christian you have heard how Ana has dealt with her abuse and abusers. Would you like to share now?"_

**"Honestly, I am nowhere near forgiving the bastard that hurt me. I was a little kid and he fucked up my whole life. I just feel a lot of anger. I really don't think I will ever feel anything, but anger. I won't let that bastard make me weak. I have proved that he didn't break me."**

_"Can you express what you felt during the abuse, as it was happening?"_

**"I try not to think about the events of that part of my life."**

_"That is understandable, but you really need to recognize your emotions."_

**"I have talked to every shrink known to man about my abuse. They have psychoanalyzed every aspect of my psyche. What makes you think that this is the one time I may have some epiphany?"**

_"I don't know if it will, but you have made more strides in the last few months than all of those years of therapy. You are free of Elena and you have seen that she did you no favors. Every time you saw a new therapist you thought you had everything under control because of how Elena taught you to cope. I don't think you see that lifestyle the same way."_

"Christian if you want me to leave so you can speak freely I will?" I say.

**"No Ana I want you beside me. I can't do this without you."**

I just rub his leg assuring him that I am here for him. He sighs then runs his hands through his hair. We all sit in the silence while he wrestles with whatever emotions are taking over.

**"I was always scared. I was scared of my own shadow. I was a good boy, making sure my mom ate and bathed when he wasn't there. I remember a few times that she would smile and it was all worth it. Then he would come back with some strange man and drugs. I was just in the way a nuisance. I knew he just wished me dead and there were times I did too. The only thing that made me hold on was her smile. I hated her for letting him hurt her. I hated myself for being too little and weak to stop it. I thought I deserved the beatings. I was just a bastard that nobody wanted and no one loved. I just wanted her to love me. I used to have dreams that she would be lucid and kick him out for good. I would have a normal mom and a normal life. On the day she died I hid her drugs. She was so mad at me. For hours she just yelled tearing the house apart looking for her damn drugs. I knew then she would always love them more than me and I wished her dead. Later that day I went to wake her up. She was passed out on the couch and I nudged her over and over again. She was cold so I lay beside her to keep her warm. I didn't move except to go to the bathroom or eat. For 4 days I tried to keep her warm. I think I knew she wasn't going to wake up, but I didn't want her to be cold. I just remember being so hungry and so tired. When the pimp came in and realized she was dead he beat me within an inch of my life. When he finally left I just wanted to go to wherever my mom was."**

This is the first time he has told me the entire story. The tears are streaming down my cheeks. My heart is breaking for him. His little heart, broken at such a tender age, It is no wonder he was so controlling. It all makes so much sense. Then I get angry thinking about how Elena exploited him. It is one thing to forgive her for what she did to me, but Christian she manipulated him for years. He is a walking, talking miracle.

_"Christian how do you feel right now?"_

**"I feel sad. I have always been angry at her for not fighting or protecting me. Right now I just feel so sad that she couldn't get out of that life for herself and for me."**

_"So do you see now that beating brown haired girls was never going to help you move past the feelings you had about your childhood?"_

**"I do now. I thought if I could express all of my anger through control it would just go away. It would help for a little while and then the stress would just creep back in."**

_"Do you think you can forgive your mom for not being what she should have been to you? Do you understand that she was sick and that illness had nothing to do with you?"_

**"I do now. I'm tired of being angry about that part of my life. Like Ana I just want to move past it."**

_"I want you to also write a letter, but I want you to visit your mom's grave in Detroit and read it to her. I think that you will finally get some closure if you will just say what you need to say to her. It doesn't have to be tomorrow. You will know when you are ready. As far as the pimp and Elena you can deal with them another time. You have taken a huge step toward a new life today. Be proud of yourselves. I will see you next week and remember to journal about your relationship."_

We stand to leave. I desperately don't want to go to work today. I just want to be near Christian. Unfortunately, that is not possible. I have a project that has to be completed by tomorrow and I have already taken so much time off. In the car there is a peace about us both. The silence doesn't bother either of us and we ride hand in hand to WP. I kiss him whispering how much I love him in his ear and how proud I am of him.

**"Ana, I couldn't have done it without you. I love you more than I ever imagined possible."**

A quote comes to my mind. _We accept the love we think we deserve._ Right now I know I deserve to love and be loved. I think Christian is starting to understand he does too. I kiss his lips again and smile before getting out of the car. I feel like a new Ana and I am looking forward to my future with the man who loves me more than he ever imagined possible because I love him the same.


	80. Chapter 79

I hope you like this chapter - let me know if I did it justice. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 79

Luke picks me up after work. I am looking forward to seeing Christian. Today has been extremely long. I am still emotionally drained from this morning. I want to run into his arms and hold each other all night. When I get in the car Luke hands me a note from Christian.

**Ana-**

**I have a little adventure for you. First stop where it all began. See you soon.**

**I love you **

**C**

Where it all began? That could be my apartment, his apartment, GEH. I am a little confused, but once Luke starts driving its clear we are going to GEH. I go inside and security directs me to Andrea. The last time I was here was to interview Mr. Grey. That day was not what I would consider the best memory. It was the first time we both felt the attraction. Andrea greets me with a smile handing me an envelope. I thank her and leave. Once in the elevator I open it.

**I know this is probably not the place you would first think of for the beginning. The very first time I touched your hand I felt something I had never experienced before. Luke knows your next stop. See Ariana. Can't wait to see you. – C**

We pull up to the Capitol Club and I laugh out loud. How is he going to make me puking on his shoes into a positive memory? I ask for Ariana and am not surprised that she is a striking blonde. Like Andrea she is friendly and has an envelope with Christian's handwriting. I accept it and go back to the car.

**That stop has you guessing for sure. I've never told you this, but the night I spent with you (fully clothed) was the first time I had an entire night free of my nightmares. I knew then there was something special about you that I had to get to the bottom of. –C**

Luke looks at some list written on a small piece of paper in his pocket. I want to grill him as to what is going on. I decide to let it go. Christian is up to something, something good. I smile when he stops at my old apartment with Kate. I go the stairs wondering if Kate is in on this little scavenger hunt. I knock and I am shocked when Jacob answers the door with an envelope in hand.

"He got you in on this?"

_"You've got a great guy there Ana. He is really in love with you."_

"Thanks Jacob. I'm really happy it's working out with you and Mia." All I can think is what a big step it was for Christian to ask for Jacob for help.

_"I think I love her Ana. She is really special. I owe it to you for dumping me and then bringing her into my life."_

I give him kiss on the cheek and head down the stairs. I open the envelope knowing how special that apartment is to us both.

**I am sure I don't have to tell you why the apartment is on the list. The fact that you trusted me with such a precious piece of yourself means more than I can portray. That night was a first for us both. You opened up a side of me that I never knew existed. Thank you! That was the first time I had hope for more. – C**

Tears are streaming down my face. I love him so much it hurts. Luke pulls into Escala and I wonder if I will finally get to the bottom of this. When I enter Gail is there to hand me an envelope.

_"Open it now." She says with a huge smile._

**Go to the bedroom there is something waiting for you. – C**

I'm even more confused. He gave Gail a note to send me to the bedroom for sex? Really? I walk to the bedroom to find the dress, shoes and jewelry that I wore to the Coping Dinner. There is a note lying on top.

**When I saw you in this dress at the Coping Dinner I was mesmerized. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. I know now that I was in love with you already. The way you got jealous when you found me with Elena, I knew that you loved me too. That night was the night I knew I could never live without you. You saw me at my very worst and you didn't run. I'm still so sorry that I pushed you away shortly after that. We have come so far and I am looking to many more memories with you. Get ready and Luke will bring you to me. – C**

I compose myself enough to get ready. I can't wait to see him and tell him how much I love him. Gail hugs me before I follow Luke back to the garage. We stop at the Space Needle. Christian is standing out front in a tux. I move as quickly as I can in my 4 inch heels. I wrap my arms around his neck as we kiss.

"I love you!"

_"I love you. Now come up and let's eat."_

Christian rented the entire place and brought in one of Seattle's top chef's. The view and the food were spectacular. We didn't talk about our session this morning. I think we both just wanted to concentrate on us tonight. We reminisced from the beginning, through New York and up to tonight. We laughed at how stubborn I was when I left for Portland and got a burner phone just so he couldn't track me. I love how we challenge each other. I know our life together will never be boring. After dessert Christian pulls out a small grey box and drops to one knee. My hands start shaking. I know we are already engaged, but I was not expecting this.

**"Ana, I never did this right the first time."**

**_You have bewitched me body and soul. In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. I have come to feel for you a passionate admiration and regard, which despite all my struggles has overcome every rational objection and I beg you most fervently to relieve my suffering and consent to be my wife._**

He doesn't finish the first sentence and I am beyond tears. He is quoting Mr. Darcy, one of my favorite characters from one of my all-time favorite authors. I know English Literature is not on top of his reading list. He did this because he knows how much I love Jane Austen and I am overcome with devotion. After I get over the emotions of the quote, I notice the ring. It is huge, but so elegant. It is an antique princess cut setting with round accent diamonds accompanied by blue sapphire baguettes. It is the most exquisite ring I have ever laid my eyes on.

"I am going to love being your wife, Mr. Grey." He places the ring on my hand kisses me passionately and then we go home together.


	81. Chapter 80

Thanks for the reviews. I love that you liked the proposal. I love Mr. Darcy and in his own way Christian reminds me of him. This is the beginning of Ana's big birthday weekend and you know Christian will be full of surprises.

Chapter 80

I wake up before Christian. He is sleeping so peacefully. I can't take my eyes away. This beautiful, romantic man lying in front of me is mine. This man who told me that he didn't do hearts and flowers proved last night he can do so much more. I can't help but touch his face lightly. I kiss his lips softly reminding myself that they are mine too. He opens his sleepy eyes.

**"Good morning."**

"Good morning to you."

**"Were you watching me sleep?"**

"I was and I love seeing you so peaceful."

**"Your doing Miss Steele. Don't go to work today. Let's just spend all morning in bed."**

"Okay."

**"Really? I figured you would tell me how you need to work."**

"Maggie already told me to take a long weekend. I helped her out with the kids on Monday which technically was a holiday."

**"Well then I know what I want to do first." I roll on top of her holding her arms down by her wrist as I assault her breasts with my mouth. "I love it when you giggle." I nibble on her ear and then her bottom lip. Her giggle changes to a soft moan. "I love you Ana." I say as I release her hands wanting to feel her touch. She immediately caresses my back sending shivers down my spine. "I love it when you touch me." She moves to my rear and grabs my ass while our kisses deepens. I know she is ready for me already, but as much as I want to slam into her, my desire is overwhelming, I want to worship all of her slowly and thoroughly. I am overtaken with emotion just being this close. Sex with Ana is so much more than pleasure. My heart feels that it may just beat out of my chest with the love that passes between us in these moments. Her body is my instrument and it responds with beautiful music. Once I am satisfied with her satisfaction I roll placing her on top of me. I like seeing her entire body as she strokes me just right. Her hair falls over her shoulders and frames her face letting her eyes peak through. She slides onto me her hands resting on my chest she moves slowly. My hands go to her hips feeling every grind. I urge her to speed up and she complies. She leans over me grabbing the headboard placing her breasts in my face. I lean forward taking one in my mouth she moans urging me on. She rocks harder. I can feel her tightening and I know she is close. She starts to vibrating and I know my release is soon to follow. 2 more thrusts.**

**"God Ana…God I love you!"**

**She falls onto my chest her hair a mess covering her face. I push it back and kiss her lips. She rubs my chest and kisses my scars. **

**"What do you say we get your birthday weekend started?" I get up and go to the closet getting my first gift. She rips off the paper and smiles. **

It's the perfect gift I love books and I love Thomas Hardy. As I look closely I am speechless. It takes me a few seconds to gather my thoughts.

"Christian, this is too much. I can't accept this. These are first edition. I can only imagine what these must have cost you."

**"Ana, they are a gift. Please stop worrying so much about the money I spend."**

"I'm sorry. I am not trying to offend you. Please understand that I love the gift this all so foreign to me. I have always had to live on a very strict budget. I am not sure I will ever get used to being lavished like this."

**"You will and I will make sure of that. I have money. I worked very hard for that money. I want to spend it on the woman that I love. Look at me." I place my hand under her chin pushing it up to make her eyes meet mine. "I know you are not a gold digger, Ana. You love me, all of me. You just need to learn that my wealth is another side that you will have to learn to accept."**

"I'll try. You are going to have to be patient with me. Thank you for the books. I love them."

**"Good. I want you to have the library. It is yours to do with as you please. We can renovate the entire room. I want you to feel like you have your own space here. It is only right that you have a refuge."**

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. It will be nice to have my own space. You know I love this apartment, but you are right. There is nothing here that says Ana. Can I have Kate help me? I wouldn't even know where to begin. It would be great bonding time for us."

**"Absolutely and I want you to feel free to bring touches of Ana anywhere you please. I am not restricting you to the library. This is our home. I want to see your signature everywhere."**

Other than maybe adding a throw here or there to cuddle up in or a candle or two, I can't imagine making any type of overhaul. I appreciate the gesture. We are blending our lives. I know that this is not easy for him. He has lived on an island for a long time. My heart swells with love.

**"Why don't you go hop in the shower and then we will eat."**

"Will you join me?"

**"That is so tempting." I kiss her. "But I have something that I need to attend to immediately. I'll make that up to you later."**

"Promise?" I pout.

**"Oh yes I promise." I sweep her into a deep kiss leaving us both breathless. "Now go before I lose my willpower."**

I turn and he smacks my rear making me jump before I scurry away. I stand under the water letting my thoughts take me away. I never imagined loving a man so much. He has made so many changes for me. I really want to work on my insecurities about his wealth. Why shouldn't he want to buy me things? If I was dating any random guy they would take me out and buy me things. Just because his disposable income is much greater than the average person doesn't mean I should restrict his gifts because of my fear of what others will think. I need to talk to Maggie about this. Kate and Mia will not understand my reservations, but I know Maggie will and hopefully I will gain some insight. After my shower I dry my hair and get dressed. Making my way to the kitchen I hear my playlist in the back ground and I am stunned to see Christian dancing around the kitchen in an apron. He is cooking me breakfast. The tears immediately fall. I stand for a few minutes watching him. He seems to be enjoying himself and at this moment I know my presence has made a difference in his life. No expensive gifts will ever mean more than this. I walk over to him and kiss his back.

"Are you making me breakfast Mr. Grey?"

**"I sure am Miss Steele. I am not sure how great it is going to be?"**

"I am sure it will be just perfect."

**"Now get out of my kitchen and let me serve you."**

I laugh and sit at the breakfast counter watching him make a huge mess. The pancake batter is everywhere, on the cabinets, the counters, his face and apron. This is the most adorable sight. I pull out my phone and snap a picture. This is a memory I want to have forever. Though the kitchen is a mess he did a great job. We have pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. We sit and discuss the plans for the day.

**"Today is your day. I have one thing on the docket this evening that I hope you will like, but otherwise you name it and we will do it."**

"I want to fly."

**"Really? Looks like I am rubbing off on you too."**

I wipe off some batter on his forehead with my napkin. "Seems like we both are getting out of our comfort zones. Thanks for the breakfast it really was delicious. Let me clean up."

**"Nonsense. This is your birthday weekend and you will not lift a finger. I am going to set up our day and I will be right back. Do not let me catch you cleaning or you will be punished."**

"MMM, that sounds tempting, I bite my bottom lip."

He grabs me and pulls me close. He kisses my neck and I can feel his erection on my belly. I don't even care that I probably have batter all over my clothes, transferred from his apron.

**"I will be back and we will finish what you have started." **

His breath his hot and laced with seduction, my core tightens in anticipation. He goes toward his office. My imagination is in overdrive. I decide to clean. I know I will be punished but I need to keep my mind off of my aching core. I clean with fury. By the time Christian returns the kitchen is spotless. I know by looking at him he is not happy that I disobeyed, but there is also a fire in his eyes that can't be mistaken. I am suddenly curious what my punishment may be. He sweeps me up and takes me to the bedroom. He doesn't speak. Once he has deposited me on the bed he goes to the closet and gets the silver tie. I quiver with excitement. The last time we used it was in New York and I quite liked being tied up. He stalks closer and my anticipation rises.

**"Ana I want to tie you up, but I won't if you don't want me to."**

"I want you to." My breath is uneven and shallow.

**"Okay, but if you want me to stop all you have to do is say so."**

"I promise." I obey immediately when he tells me to place my hands over my head. He secures them to the head board then strips off my pants and underwear. He strokes my stomach and the chills rise. He is slow and deliberate. He unbuttons my shirt then undoes the front clasp of my bra allowing my breasts to spill out exposed. I hear him hum at the site and his hands cup each one stroking then as my pleasure is heightened.

**"Can I tie your legs down? "**

I don't think I just respond knowing he would never hurt me. "Yes." I say in a breathy voice.

He goes to the closet and gets 2 more ties. He uses each to secure my ankles to the footboard. They are not tight, just enough to keep my legs still. All I can think is how much I want him to touch me. The suspense is killing me. Once I am immovable he stands back and fucks me with his eyes. I pull at the restraints wanting to make him touch me. He pulls out something from the dresser.

**"I want to blindfold you. You can trust me Ana. I only want to bring you pleasure. You will find when you cannot see me that your yearning will be greatly multiplied. Can I?"**

I shake my head in agreement. He placed the blindfold over my eyes then tenderly kisses my lips.

**"You are so beautiful."**

I feel his hands run down my cheek then brushing my hair off my shoulders. Then his lips are on my right shoulder and I moan loudly.

**"Do you like my lips on you?"**

"Yes." I am barely able to speak. I want him to touch every inch of me with his hands and his mouth. Just imagining it almost makes me come undone. Suddenly I don't feel him anymore.

"Please Christian, don't stop, please. I want you to touch me, please." He doesn't say a word and then I feel something on my skin. I try to recognize what the object is. It feels silky and soft. I am racking my brain. Ah it's a feather. He runs it over my nipples making them perk up. "God it feels amazing."

**"I'm glad you like it."**

He continues running over my stomach and my legs. It tickles, but increases my desire for something rougher. After a few minutes I feel his hands replace the feather. He follows the path that the feather once took. I know he is barely touching me at all, but in comparison it feels much deeper. His hands reach my apex and he lightly stokes my in circles. It only takes mere seconds for my desire to be out of control. I want him in me. My body bucks against the restraints and he continues now with his mouth. His tongue is hot and wet. I moan loudly, only spurring him on. With his tongue doing its acrobatics he places something inside me. At first I think it is his finger, but it seems too large. When it vibrates I shatter. My climax rolls in waves and I know I am practically screaming with desire. Once my body is limp Christian pulls off my blindfold and looks into my eyes.

**"Did you like your punishment?" He smiles.**

"I think I may disobey you more often, Mr. Grey."

**"I'm going to untie you now. We need to get moving if you want to fly today."**

"That wasn't flying? It sure felt like it to me." He laughs before he kisses me. "I feel bad that you didn't get anything from this encounter."

**"Giving you pleasure is more than enough. You will never know what it does to me when you come undone under my touch."**

I give him a small kiss on the cheek and a quick thank you before I roll out of bed and go to get a shower. I will have to come up with a way to return this favor. Standing under the water makes me secretly wish for some shower sex. As if he read my mind Christian steps inside. I turn immediately wrapping my arms around his neck.

I whisper, "I still want you inside me."

He picks me up as I wrap my legs around him. The hot water streams over us entering our joined mouths. I rise up and he slides inside. I groan as we become one. He pushes me up against the shower wall for balance. I can't help myself as I whisper declarations into his ear.

"I am yours and you are mine. I love you Christian."

**"I love you Ana." **

He says with labored breath and as he releases he grabs my face looking deep into my eyes.

**"I. AM. YOURS!"**

His lips crash onto mine before he sets me down gently. We continue to shower in silence. I step out and dry off. I leave him to finish his routine and I go to the closet to get dressed. Looking back at the bed I can't help but smile when I see the sheets in disarray and the 3 ties lying where we left them. What a wonderful day this has already been. I decide to go to the library and try to get an idea of what I may want to do first. Christian finds me sitting in the chair studying all the books. I will definitely need Kate's help. Christian extends his hand and we go to the garage. Today Taylor stays home and Christian drives me in the R8. As much as I love Bernice, I can't deny this is a great piece of machinery.

"I love this car."

**"Me too."**

"I was curious if you already had plans for us tomorrow?"

**"I do, but Sunday is open. What are you thinking?"**

"How much I would love a road trip in this car. No destination just you, me and the R8 on the open road stopping whenever something catches our eye."

**"Done."**

**At the heliport I get a briefing and then help Ana into her seat. I am so thrilled that she loves Charlie Tango as much as I do. Just when I think she can't get any more perfect for me, she does. **

**"We only have a couple of hours so I was thinking of taking a closer look at Mount Reiner today since it is sunny."**

We have to talk through the headsets to hear one another.

"Whatever you think, I just love being up here with you. I love watching you fly. You are so relaxed here. It is a side of you I am seeing more often and I like it."

**"There are very few places that I feel this relaxed, Charlie Tango, The Grace, gliding, the R8 and whenever I am with you."**

I smile knowing that he's right. I have become a solace to him as much as he to me. Together we are complete, two broken pieces that fit perfectly to make one complete person. The flight is amazing as always. Two hours in the air in the city I have grown to love with the man of my dreams. This is the greatest birthday ever. We land and get back into the R8. I notice Christian doesn't head back to Escala. My interest in piqued. Where could he be taking me? I try to think like Christian. I find this difficult since lately he is all over the map doing so many things he knows I enjoy. As we pull closer I am giddy.

"Really? The Mariners Game?" he is taking me to a baseball game. I expressed to him what a big fan I was when we went to the Yankee game in New York. "Thank you so much."

**"I knew you would enjoy a home game and afterward we are going for burgers."**

This man never ceases to amaze me at how much he loves me. We sit on the first base line just above the dugout. Christian even does the 7th inning stretch of Take Me Out To The Ballgame. I love him like this. I hold his hand most of the game. Afterward we get some Mariners gear, hats and t-shirts. As promised we go to a local greasy spoon for burgers and beer. I think Christian is enjoying this more than he will ever admit and I am enjoying his transformation. He could've just as easily pushed me into his world of proper dinners and red carpet events. Instead he has done everything to immerse himself in my world. This solidifies for me that I need to do a better job at accepting his gifts and fitting into a world that seems foreign. I can't wait for tomorrow's surprises.


	82. Chapter 81

I am happy that you are all enjoying the sweeter side of Mr. Grey. I hope this chapter meets your expectations. : )

Chapter 81

When I wake up on Saturday Christian is absent from the bed. I look at the clock. Seeing it is still early I rise and try to hunt him down. Just as I open the door I almost run directly into him. He is carrying a tray of food with a fresh flower as accent.

"Breakfast in bed? You spoil me Mr. Grey."

**"Get used to it, Miss Steele. I will be spending the rest of my life spoiling you. Now get back in bed so I can do this properly."**

I giggle and jump into bed. He brings the tray places it on my lap and leans down placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

"Aren't you going to eat with me?" I pout.

**"I ate already, but I planned on giving you a foot-rub while you enjoy the scrumptious meal I slaved over."**

I laugh. I can only imagine what the kitchen must look like. I eat as he rubs my feet and tells me about our adventure for the day. We are taking The Grace to Bainbridge Island where we will spend the day strolling the local galleries and shops. This sounds very relaxing.

**"Bring an overnight bag. We will be staying the night on the water." I see the question in her eyes. "Don't worry we will be back in plenty of time for our road trip." She looks relieved. "Now let me take that tray and go clean up the kitchen while you get yourself ready."**

He leaves and I hop in the shower. When I am packed and ready to go I go to the kitchen to find Christian. I kiss his cheek. "Ready babe?" He takes my hand and we go the garage. When the elevator doors open I see a car with a giant red bow on it.

"You have got to be kidding? Seriously? That is way too much! Christian I couldn't possibly…."

Through my tears I see before me a white Audi R8 spider. How do I accept this? He is impossible.

**"Now we can get rid of that death trap you are currently driving."**

"I can't get rid of Bernice. She has been with me since I started driving."

**"Ana don't be ridiculous it is just a car. You can't possibly be attached to such a piece of junk." I can tell I have offended her. Before I know it she bolts for the elevator. The doors close before I can reach her. Damn it Christian you could have handled that better. I wait for the elevator to come back down to retrieve me. When I get to the apartment, I frantically search for Ana, finding her locked in the library. "Open the door Ana. I'm sorry I shouldn't have been so insensitive." She doesn't respond and I decide to wait her out. I might have gone to my office to get some work done had I known it would take her an hour to finally open the door. In that time I had decided to sit leaning against the door. When it opens I fall backward staring up at Ana who is laughing hysterically. Well if that was all it took to cheer her up I would have done it an hour ago. "It is good to see you smiling now help me up." She circles in front of me grabbing my hands to help hoist me up. I pull her on top of me instead. **

"You planned that. You are impossible." I pout.

**"Impossibly in love with you. I am sorry I was so insensitive."**

"I was dramatic. I just love Bernice. I saved my babysitting money for 2 years for that car. She has been with me through high school and college. She helped me escape you on several occasions and has never failed me when I needed a road trip to clear my head. I just don't know if I can just get rid of her." I spent the last hour using my journal gather my thoughts and I hope it came out the way I hoped.

**"Do you want me to take back the R8?"**

"Absolutely not? I can't wait to take it out on the open road."

**"Okay then. What if we keep Bernice. I will have her totally restored so that I am more at ease with you driving her."**

"Really? You would do that for me?" I kiss his face over and over. "You are the sweetest most understanding man I could have ever hoped for. I'm sorry I over reacted."

**"I'm sorry for demanding you get rid of Bernice. Old habits die hard. Let's not keep The Grace waiting." **

The rest of the day is beyond amazing. We sail to Bainbridge and stroll through town hand in hand. Christian catches me eyeing a piece of art at one of the galleries and of course he buys it. I can't say that I mind. I really want it as a jumping off piece for the library. We eat dinner on The Grace. As expected it everything is top notch and delicious. After dinner I excuse myself to freshen up. I know it is my birthday weekend, but I want to give Christian a package to open. I wrap it up and wait knowing he will come looking for me. The door opens and I know he is surprised.

**"WOW!"**

"You like?"

**"Umm, more like I LOVE." Ana stands before me in matching red lacey bra, panties and garter belt. Her legs are covered with red thigh highs. Best of all she is wearing 4 inch designer heels. The sight of her makes me hard.**

"Good now sit." I try to make my voice sensual and demanding.

**"So that is how you want to play. Yes ma'am."**

He sits and I circle the chair stroking his shoulder, back and other shoulder, then stopping in front of him with my hand on his chest I straddle him. "Kiss me softly." I whisper into his ear. His lips meet mine in the most gentle kiss. "Raise your arms above your head." He complies and I lift the hem of his shirt and deposit to the floor. My hands stroke his chest. "So strong." I say as my hands lightly touch his pecks. He flinches and lets out a small groan. "Do you like it when I touch you Christian?" His eyes are drowning in lust. **"Yes."** He whispers. "Would you like me to kiss you here?" I point to a scar just above his heart." **"Please." **His voice is rough. I lean down and kiss the scar lingering for a few seconds. He moans loudly and I move to give equal attention to the rest that dot his beautifully sculpted chest. His hands wrap around my waist and I don't stop him. Honestly as much fun as I am having I want him to touch me just as badly as I want to touch him. I trace my kisses to his neck and then jaw until I am at his lips. I don't kiss him I just talk letting my lips scathe his as I speak. "I am going to stand up and take off your shoes. I want you to then stand." I see him smirk at me and it is a miracle I don't die laughing. Demanding is not my natural state. Once I finish with his shoes I step back allowing him to stand. I regain my composure as he stands. I undo his jeans. He pushes them to the floor along with his boxer. As he steps out of them I grab his length with my hand stoking it slowly, running my palm over the head to use his natural lubrication. His head falls back. **"Oh God that feels wonderful." **I drop to my knees and take him into my mouth. Swirling my tongue increasing the pressure of my tongue as he reaches the back of my throat and I speed up and I ignore him his plea for me to stop. I feel his legs tighten under my grip and I know he is close. When he releases I take it all in swallowing and then rising. "Now we are even." He knows I am speaking of our encounter yesterday. **"Well then if we are even. Let's finish this on equal footing. You are so damn sexy Anastasia Steele." **The rest of this evening was equally wonderful and gratifying for us both and after many orgasms we finally fall into a deep slumber.

I wake up extremely hot. It is not wonder since Christian has his legs over mine and the rest of me tight in his embrace. I struggle to breath, but somehow I break free. I sit on the side of the bed regulating my temperature. I feel lips on my shoulder.

**"Are you ready to get your new car on the road?"**

"I get to drive?"

**"You said you couldn't wait so why not."**

After we dock we meet Taylor to go back to Escala and pick up my R8. I smile when I see Bernice. I am thrilled Christian didn't make me give her up. We switch vehicles and Christian tosses me the keys. I get behind the wheel and head north on I-5. The longer I drive the more in love with this car I am. There is a place I want to take Christian. It is right off the Skagit River. My dad used to take me fly fishing there when I was kid. Our time is spent chatting about work, remembering New York and discussing the future. Once we arrive I pull off in front of the small white church. The view here is amazing. The river is to the south and Mount Baker is tucked into the outline of the trees. The church sits in a small valley with panoramic views.

"I have loved this place since I was a kid. I used to picture getting married out here. Today I was just hoping for a picnic." Christian looks surprised. I had Gail pack a basket and a blanket placing it in the trunk of my car before we arrived. I love the privacy of texting. "I can be sneaky too, Mr. Grey."

**"I'm impressed Miss Steele."**

We spread out the blanket and I arrange all of the food. Gail does not disappoint. After lunch I lie in his arms looking at the sky.

"Do you like it here?"

**"I do. I can't believe I have never been here. Elliot and I have hiked almost every square mile of Northern Washington. Thank you for sharing it with me. Would you still like to get married here?"**

"Of course, but we both know that is impossible. There is no way we could keep it private. The press would have a field day."

**"I know you're right. I'm sorry."**

"There is nothing to be sorry about. The place is not important. All I care about is standing by your side and declaring to the world that I am yours forever."

**"I just want to give you all your hearts desires."**

"You are my only desire, Mr. Grey."

He wraps me tightly in his arms and kisses the top of my head. A little while later we gather up our belongings and head back toward Seattle stopping at a few quaint shops along the way.


	83. Chapter 82

Thanks for the reviews. I like romantic Christian too. Keep reading and reviewing and I will keep writing! Have a great weekend. I will try to post again before Sunday.

Chapter 82

The next morning is my actual birthday, but I have to go back to work. One positive is I get to drive my new car. I am sure Luke isn't too thrilled about having to ride with me. Christian leaves before me. He put off an important meeting last week and it has to be attended to first thing. I am sad that our fabulous weekend is over, but I know that it has brought us closer. My dad called first thing this morning to give me birthday wishes. We chat for a few minutes about my weekend adventures. I promise to visit soon and we hang up. Just after 10 Kate calls. She has never been an early riser. Since college she has done freelance journalism work and can make her own hours. I can never see Kate rising at the break of dawn to get the story. She is a diligent journalist and a perfectionist, but only if it can be accomplished after 10 am.

_"Happy Birthday Steele! Did you do anything exciting with Mr. Wonderful this weekend?" Her voice is laced with sarcasm. _

I tell her all the details from Thursday's proposal to Sunday's drive. I spare her the sexual escapades, but vaguely mention there was not a lot of rest to be had. Once I finish she changes her tune.

_"Wow he has really become quite the romantic. He bought you a car? What kind?"_

"You'll just have to see it tonight. That is if we are still on for drinks?"

_"It's your birthday. You know I would never ditch my best friend on her birthday. I'll see you tonight. I can't wait to see that ring and your new car. I have to admit I'm a little jealous Steele."_

We hang up and I go back to work, mentally reminding myself to send Christian an email after lunch to remind him of my plans with Kate tonight. I work through lunch grabbing a frozen dinner and nuking it. Christian would not approve, but at least I ate.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Tonight

**Date: **September 10, 2012

**To: **Christian Grey

I hope your meeting went well. Don't forget that I am meeting up with Kate for drinks after work. Before you say anything, yes Luke will be in tow. Have a great day, I love you and I will see you later tonight.

x Ana

Still Soaring, Assistant Editor, William Publishing, LTD.

I get and immediate response.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Missing you

**Date: **September 10, 2012

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I miss your face today. My meeting was successfully boring compared to the last two days with you. Sorry I wasn't home to give you an official Happy Birthday spanking this morning. Have fun with Kate and thanks for understanding about security. I'll see you tonight for the above mentioned spanking.

Yours,

Christian

Twitching Palm, CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

I laugh out loud at his signature. I love when he is playful. As excited as I am to spend some girl time with Kate I really miss being with Christian all day every day. It's like a piece of me is missing. Just after 4 pm my cell rings.

"Hey Jose. I haven't talked to you in ages. How has everything been?"

_"I'm great. Really great. By the way Happy Birthday! Sorry I didn't call this morning I got tied up."_

My mind instantly goes to Christian tying me up. I am brought back to reality with the sound of Jose's voice.

_"Ana, are you still there?"_

"Yes, sorry I got sidetracked. I'm just happy to hear from you. How did your exhibit go in Portland? I am really sorry I missed it. It just wasn't possible for me to get back from New York."

_"It was amazing. I understand why you couldn't make it. I have another one in a week in San Francisco. I would love it if you would come."_

"Send me all the information and I will see what I can do."

_"Okay, I'll send you an email tonight. Please try. I would love to see you. In fact see if Kate can make it and it will be like old times."_

"I'm having drinks with her tonight. I'll talk to her and see if we can make it happen."

_"Great. I'll talk to you soon. I miss you Ana."_

"I miss you too. Talk to you later, bye."

I meet Kate at our usual place just after 6. She is waiting outside when I drop the car with the valet.

_"Holy Shit Ana, that's the car?"_

"Do you like it?"

_"You must be a hellcat in the sack for him to buy that beautiful piece of machinery."_

"KAAATE! You are so bad."

_"I just speak the truth. What are you going to do with Bernice? You can't possibly want to ever get in that monstrosity ever again."_

"You've never appreciated Bernice's understated beauty."

_"Beauty is definitely not the word that comes to mind when I think of Bernice."_

"I get to keep her. Christian is going to have her restored. She is sentimental to me. I can't just throw her out."

_"Whatever you say Steele."_

We get a table and I order a beer. Kate must have forgotten about my ring after being so awestruck with the car. I purposely place my hand on the mug to flash it right in front of her face. Unfortunately, she is mid-gulp and she almost spews her cosmopolitan everywhere.

_"That ring is spectacular. He picked it himself?"_

I shake my head.

_"Damn who would have ever thought Mr. Control could be so in tune with what women want."_

"You have no idea." I giggle.

She just laughs knowing full well what I am speaking of, "I am sure it runs in the family. I've never heard you complain about Elliott."

_"No I have no complaints. I just hope he is equally pleasing in the gifts department."_

"He hasn't bought you anything in all the months you've been together?"

_"Of course he has, but we aren't engaged. Nothing has been over the top like an R8. I don't expect him to be as generous as Christian. I would like him to be as romantic though. So far I have no complaints."_

"Good. Hey I talked to Jose today. He mentioned he had a show in San Francisco next week. He wants us to go. What do you think?"

_"I say absolutely, yes. We can have a girl's weekend. We both need to shop for dresses for your engagement party, which by the way is going to be off the chain. Mia is really great at planning parties. I have tried to convince her she needs to start a business. I mean Christian is her brother. I am sure he would give her advice on the business end and she could concentrate on the creative side."_

"I could mention it to Christian if you think she is serious."

_"I'll talk to her again and we can discuss it later. For now let's plan that trip to San Fran."_

The evening passes quickly. I already know that Luke will be driving me home so I indulged a little. Not too much. I know how upset Christian gets when I drink too much. I have no plan of having him unhappy with me tonight especially since he owes me a birthday spanking. With that thought I say my goodbyes. Luke escorts me to the car. I can't wait to get to Christian so I burst out of the car just as Luke puts it in park. I bang on the elevator button. It seems to take forever. I am going through withdraws. I haven't seen Christian since last night and I need to remedy this quickly. Finally, the doors open. I jump in. I see Luke smirking at me as they close. I dance around the space as the elevator rises. I am obviously feeling the effects of the alcohol. Entering the apartment I holler out.

"Christian! I'm home! Where are you? Christian." I keep repeating as I run around the apartment searching for him. Taylor hears me and stops my little antics.

_"He isn't here."_

"Where is he? He didn't mention going anywhere."

_"I honestly don't know. He didn't come home today."_

"Thank you Taylor." In my disappointment I decide to take a bath and go to bed. I try not to let my imagination and insecurities get the best of me. This is not normal for his recent character. He has given me no reason to doubt his loyalty. I must put these negative thoughts out of my mind. Still there is a gnawing in my gut. I soak in the bath until my fingers are wrinkled. Then I go to the bedroom and slip into one of Christians t-shirts and snuggle into the covers. It doesn't take me long to drift off. Undoubtedly the effects of the the alcohol is helpful.

I wake to the sunrise and still no Christian. His side of the bed was never slept in. I am beginning to panic. Is he hurt? Has he changed his mind about us? Where could he possibly be? I search the apartment again with no luck. I find my phone and call him. No answer. Seriously? What is going on. My breathing becomes erratic and I know I am having a panic attack. I pass out hitting my head hard against the floor. The next thing I know I wake to find Christian stroking my hair?

**"Ana, baby are you okay?"**

"Where were you?" I sit up and my head throbs. I wince and Christian carries me to the bedroom.

**"You must have fainted and hit your head. I am going to call my mother to come make sure you are okay."**

"I am fine Christian, where were you?" My tone is loud and demanding.

**"Ana that isn't important right now, I need to make sure you are okay. You may have seriously hurt yourself."**

"God damn it Christian I need to know where you were. I had an anxiety attack because I couldn't find you. You wouldn't answer your phone. Where the hell were you?"

**"I am sorry. I was in Charlie Tango and I couldn't receive phone calls. I thought I would be back last night before you arrived home. I got held up and I had no cell service. I'm sorry. I should have told you were I was going."**

"You still are not answering my question. Where were you?"

**"Ros and I flew up to Mt. Baker to survey a piece of property. We are looking at acquiring a development company that is heavily invested in that area. They are planning on developing a 5 star retreat and ski resort. Ros has been asking me to get this done and I keep putting it off, not wanting to take any time away from you. I knew you would be with Kate so I figured it was the perfect time to go. We left right after our email correspondence yesterday, hoping to be back by dinner time. Unfortunately a storm blew in with high winds and heavy rain so we were grounded. I kept hoping it would clear up and I could make it home to you. I literally slept in Charlie Tango in my suit. I would have much rather been next to you."**

"Oh, okay…" I trail off.

**"Where did you think I was?" She looks down. "Ana what were you afraid of?"**

"Everything! I thought you were hurt. Then I thought you changed your mind about wanting to marry me." I dip my head and tears roll down my face.

**"Ana, look at me." She raises her tear filled eyes to meet mine. "I am not going anywhere. I understand your insecurities in both of these areas, but I promise you I will never leave you again."**

"You can't be sure that you won't get hurt again or worse die." I let out a loud sob.

**"I'm too stubborn to die. I. WON'T. LEAVE. YOU!" **

He lies beside me cradling me in his arms. I must have fallen asleep because Grace is the next person I see. I know Christian must have called her and honestly I am grateful to see her. She has become one of my most trusted confidants. Christian spent his whole life keeping her at arms-length, but Grace was born with a mother's heart and she understands him better than anyone. I confide in her all of my fears and she just listens. When I am finished she comforts me.

_"Ana, I understand why you have these fears. I want you to know that Christian loves you. I used to worry that he would never be able to love in the normal sense. I have found that I was right. His love is so much deeper and intense. I have no doubt he would lay down his own life for you. You compliment one another perfectly. He needs you to challenge him and you need him to temper you. So please trust him, he needs your trust."_

I just hug her tightly sobbing. I know she is right. He loves me and I need to rest in that. Grace makes sure I don't have a concussion then she calls for Christian. She tells him I am fine and I see him release a breath he must have been holding. After Grace leaves he wraps me into him.

**"I love you Anastasia Rose Steele. You are my world."**

I just hang on his words feeling a little silly that I let my insecurities get the best of me.


	84. Chapter 83

Welcome new followers. Please try to leave a review. I love hearing all of your thoughts. Some reviews make me take a new direction so you never know how your words will effect the story. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Happy Reading! GO RAVENS! I'm a Cowboy fan - born and raised- so the niners are the enemy, although I like their coach and the quarterback. I will be deep in football tonight so no more updates until Monday night or Tuesday.

Chapter 83

On Thursday Christian and I have our standing appointment with Flynn. We discuss how we have handled recent disagreements. Flynn is quite impressed with Christian's new ability to stay calm and even compromising. I get kudos for journaling when I got upset about Bernice, although he does express that I need to work on my anxiety when I am overwhelmed.

_"Ana I am not saying you were wrong to worry about Christian's wellbeing. However, you need to learn how to not let those feelings have control. In that case the journal may have helped, but I fear you would have still had the attack. Please call me and we will talk it out. Christian you have to be sensitive to Ana's fears. That may mean communicating things that you don't deem important. In your mind this was a small business trip and you didn't want her to worry since you would be back before she arrived home. Yet, her anxiety was greatly multiplied by your lack of communication."_

We both agree with John's assessments and vow to work on these areas. I decide that there is no time like the present to talk about my trip with Kate to San Francisco. At least, John can referee if we have a communication breakdown.

"Jose called me yesterday to wish me Happy Birthday and invited Kate and I to his show in San Francisco next week. I just wanted to let you know that I am planning on going."

**"Absolutely not! Jose tried to take advantage you. Why would you want to see him again?"**

His voice is stern, almost mean.

"Really? I thought we were past this! I'm not asking if I can go I am telling you that Kate and I WILL be going to see Jose next weekend in San Francisco."

_"Do you trust Ana?" Flynn chimes in with his voice of reason. Hopefully he can talk some sense into this stubborn man._

**"Of course I trust Ana. I don't trust him to keep his hands off of her. He is in love with her. Anyone can see it by the way he looks at her."**

"You can't keep me locked away like a damsel in distress. Jose and I have been friends for years. He made a mistake, I corrected him and he was more than apologetic. I have spent time with him alone since then and everything was fine. If he was going to cross the line he had the perfect opportunity."

I can tell this declaration has upset him. The jealousy is consuming him. I look at Flynn.

_"This knowledge upsets you?"_

**"Hell yes it upsets me. She has no regard for her own safety. He could have done anything."**

_"You have been alone with many women, most of which were not shy about their intentions. Ana and Jose have been friends for a long time. If I remember correctly they had both had too much to drink the night in question."_

**"My point exactly!"**

"I also went home with a complete stranger, but you don't seem to be nearly as worried about that character flaw as a friend making a pass at me."

_"Ana raises a good point"_

He is so childish sometimes.

"Do you need me to take Luke to babysit me? Is that really why you hired him? He is really just with me to make sure I don't do anything that proves untrustworthy." I know as soon as I say it I am just trying to hurt him. Luke is to protect me from the crazies in his life not mine.

**"That isn't fair Ana. You know that isn't true."**

"Do I? You act as if I can't be trusted alone. Even if Jose crossed the line again, do you not trust that I love you and have enough sense to shut him down?"

_"Christian?" Flynn is obviously trying to get us to work through this on our own._

**"I just worry about you. It would kill me if anything happened to you. I can't stand the thought of any other man with his hands or anything else on you."**

"I understand. I feel the same way about you. I am not so naïve to think that no woman will ever make a pass at you now that you are committed to me. It will bother me. I also know that I can't keep you locked away or in my possession at all times. I trust that your heart belongs to me and you will do whatever it takes not to jeopardize that. Just like you I am jealous, but I know it is ridiculous to ask you to stop living to ease my jealousy."

_"Christian what do you think will ease your mind enough to be okay with Ana going?"_

**"I want her to take Luke. Not because I don't trust her, I would just feel better if she had someone to protect her in case things get out of hand."**

"I will take Luke under one condition." He looks at me as to say go on. "He does not report my every action to you. He only reports if there is a problem with my safety. I don't want to feel as if my every move is being spied on. That is no better than you being with me 24/7. As much as I would love to spend every waking minute with you, it is not healthy. I also want to be able to share my day with you. I want to give you the details."

**"Okay. I can live with that. You will never be able to make me not worry about you Ana. I promise to try to compromise to make you feel more comfortable. I love you and I don't want you to feel like a prisoner."**

_"I think this is a healthy compromise for both of you. Ana you have to understand Christian likes control and be willing to give in sometimes. Christian you need to back off some and let Ana have freedom. Keep working on these things. I will see you next week."_

Luke is downstairs as is Taylor ready to drive us in opposite directions. I kiss Christian before leaving. I can tell he is still tense from the session, but decide not to say anything. I'll give him his space hoping all will be well by the time we see each other tonight.

I am shocked to see Kelly at the office when I arrive. I have talked to her a hand full of times since I have been home and we email regularly, but I had no idea she was coming into town.

"Hey Kelly, when did you get into town?" I hug her before sitting.

_"I just arrived this morning. I came to surprise my family and now that I have so many friends in Seattle, surprise you guys too."_

"I am so happy to see you. I am sure Maggie and Mark are over the moon. The kids should be here this afternoon and they are going to go crazy."

_"They both were thrilled and I can't wait to get my hands on those little rascals. I was going to see about having lunch with Jacob, Kate and Mia. Do you want to come?"_

"Absolutely. Let me set it up and we can surprise them at the restaurant."

We sit and chat about work. Each office is thriving and the New York office is branching out into children's books. They have already signed a well-known children's author. I send a text to Mia, Kate and Jacob about lunch and we set a time and place. I choose a spot close to GEH knowing I am going to pop in and see Christian. I hope it will lift his spirits. Everyone is floored when I walk in with Kelly. I can tell Jacob has missed her because he is on his feet the fastest. Mia didn't even blink an eye. I love that she is so comfortable in her own skin. She is totally okay that he has a great friend that happens to be a girl. I wish Christian would see Jose this way. I hate that his first impression of him was a night that I am sure we both would like to forget. Kate in usual Kate fashion invites Mia and Kelly to our girl's trip to see Jose's show. I am thrilled when they both say yes. This is going to be a great trip and Christian will relax knowing Kelly is coming. He respects her sense of self. After lunch Kelly catches a ride back to WP with Mia and Jacob. I walk over the GEH with Luke. When I enter the elevator I think I see Elena exiting the building. I look again and she is gone. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me. She wouldn't dare show her face here. Christian would be livid. Andrea greets me letting me know Christian is on a conference call, but it should be over any minute. I express to her that I want to surprise him so if she will please not tell him I am here and just let me go in as soon as the call is complete. Luke and I take a seat in the waiting area. A few minutes later Andrea gives me the signal and I walk into Christian's office. His voice is boisterous shaking me to my core.

**"Who do you think….Ana what are you doing here."**

He melts when he sees it's me. I love that I have this effect on him.

"I was having lunch with Kelly, Mia, Kate and Jacob around the corner and I wanted to pop in and say hi."

**"This day just got better." I stand and circle my desk taking her in my arms. "Now that you are here what in the world am I going to do with you?"**

I scan the office making sure the glass is on its opaque setting. Just as he wraps me up in a kiss. I long for these lips every minute of every day. I never thought passion could be this strong between two people. I know at this moment what our next step will be. He doesn't disappoint making me come twice before he releases himself. I use his bathroom to straighten myself up so I can go back to work. Giving him a kiss and a promise of more I leave making a mental note that I should visit him in the middle of the day more often. Luke and I walk back to the car. Along the way I have this eerie feeling of someone watching me. I look around seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

_"Are you okay Ana?"_

"I just can't shake the feeling that I am being watched. I also thought that I saw Elena today at GEH. I wasn't sure and this could all just be my imagination playing tricks on me."

_"Ana I have found that it is wise to go with your gut regarding your safety. Did you tell Mr. Grey about Elena?"_

"No I got a little side tracked." I blush and I am sure Luke is well aware of what my preoccupation might have been.

_"I am going to call him. He needs to check the security footage just to be safe."_

"Okay, I know you are right. I wouldn't put anything past that woman."

I go back to work knowing that Christian will be diligent and get to the bottom of my suspicions. I do want to talk to him about what he discovered about today as well as when she drugged me. I have been meaning to talk to him before now, but we have been busy and I honestly forgot which I consider a good thing. I don't want Elena to utilize too many hours of my days. Life is too short to be in constant worry mode. I was right Scout and Sawyer come by after school. They are so excited to see Kelly and she equally so. At 5 o'clock I head home. I have never been happier to see that Christian beat me home. He is in his office, but the door is open so I go in.

**"Why didn't you tell me you saw Elena."**

I see the panic on his face and I know it must have been her. My stomach plummets.

"I wasn't sure it was her. I only got a glimpse and I just thought it was my imagination. Then we were kind of busy." I wink and I get a small smirk out of him. He retreats quickly back to all business.

**"She was at GEH today. I haven't quite figured out what she was doing there, but I have Welch and Bailey combing through all of the surveillance videos for the last 2 weeks to see if this was her first appearance."**

Poor Welch and Bailey, that has to be the most boring job ever. I hope it is the first and last time she is that close to Christian again, but my gut tells me she is up to something.

"I felt like I was being watched today when I left GEH. I told Luke and that is why he alerted you. I just have a bad feeling about this."

**"I won't let her hurt you again Ana. I will see her in the ground before she lays a hand on you."**

His voice is simultaneously scary and soothing.

"I am worried about you too. What if she wants to hurt you? I couldn't bare it if anything else happened to you. Please promise me you will be as diligent about your own safety as you are with mine."

**"I have too much to live for. I promise nothing is going to happen to me were Elena is concerned."**

"Maybe it's best that I am going out of town for a few days. Do you have any out of town business that you could attend to? We could draw her off sides. She can't follow both of us. We could get lucky and maybe she will show her hand while we are gone."

**"I never would have figured you to be into strategizing. You may be right. How long are you going to be gone?"**

"We leave Saturday night and we are coming back on Tuesday mid-day. Oh by the way Kelly is in town and is going with us. As well, Mia wants to go."

**"You have to take the GEH jet then. I don't want all of trying to maneuver in the airport. I can use Charlie Tango. I need to get up to BC for a few days. I wanted to take you with me, but you don't have a passport and it will take a good 3 weeks to get one issued so I will do this trip by myself and we can remedy the passport later. I am glad that Kelly is going. You will have someone in your corner to temper Kate and Mia. You are definitely taking Luke. In fact, I am going to send one other guard as back up. Luke is going to have to be on his toes, he will probably need help."**

"Did you find out how she was so successful when she drugged me?"

**"She had help. We haven't been able to figure out whom. We can see it is a woman that unhooks the cameras, but she is fast and obviously trained. The drugs were shipped in from Mexico and she has been having lots of phone conversations with several burner phones over the last 2 months. She has planned this for a long time Ana. I am actually quite shocked at how obsessed she was with you. She did quite an extensive background check."**

"Thank you for sharing with me. I want to be able to discuss everything openly. It makes me want to be cautious and mindful of my surroundings. Communication is always the best way to get your way with me Christian."

**"Good to know. How about I communicate with my body how amazing I think you are."**

And with that, the stress of my trip to San Francisco is just a memory. Funny how Elena is trying to tear us apart and she is successfully bringing us closer.


	85. Chapter 84

The game WAS slow so I wrote. Hope you like it! Thanks for the new followers. Everyone is questioning why Taylor didn't know about Christian's whereabouts. Remember these are the same characters, but not every aspect of their lives is the same. I don't feel like Christian left Taylor out of the loop on purpose. He just thought it would take no time at all and he would be back to Ana. No secrets.

Chapter 84

Kelly and I meet Mia and Kate at Sea-Tac. I have to admit I could get used to not having to deal with the long security lines of commercial flying. This will be the initiation flight for Christian's jet. I was proud that he didn't demand on escorting me to the airport. I would have felt bad knowing Kate and Mia wouldn't have the same privilege. I already miss him, but I know this is good for us both. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The jet is off the hook. It is odd to think this is a normal part of my new life as future wife of Christian Grey. Will I ever get used to all these perks?

Kate is the first to declare her love for the GEH jet.

_"WOW! I see us taking a lot of future trips in this bad boy."_

"Kate this is not my jet. It is owned by GEH. Christian is being generous letting us take it this weekend."

_"Oh, Ana you know he will give you whatever you want." Kate continues._

"Well you also know that I am do not like taking advantage of his being rich."

_"You will get over that." _

She's starting to annoy me. Kate was raised with wealth, not Christian wealth, but plenty. She has no concept of want. This is the one side of Kate I wish was different. I love her anyway. Kelly comes to my rescue.

_"I like that Ana wants to prove to Christian that his 'things' don't mean as much as he does to her."_

"Thanks Kelly."

Surprisingly Mia stays quiet. Usually she is the first on the Kate bandwagon. I can't help but think her relationship with Jacob has opened her eyes to a different point of view. Good for Mia.

The flight to San Fran is relatively short. Kate booked us a huge suite at The Huntington Hotel. Luke is on the same floor in his own room. Everyone calls perspective boyfriends to check in. All seems good and we proceed with our evening. We decide to stay in tonight and have a girl's slumber party. Lots of take out, movies, and laughing, first night equals success. The next morning we go to breakfast then a day of shopping. I talk to Christian right after breakfast. He seems genuinely happy that we are having such a great time. The true test will be tonight when Jose gets into town. There is no news on the Elena front so I just put it out of my mind and go on with my day. With Kate and Mia's help I find a dress for the engagement party. Mia agrees to take it home with her. I don't want Christian to see it until I get dressed the night of the party. Mia discusses some of the details with me. Kate is right, she has a gift.

"Have you ever thought about starting your own party planning business?"

_"You've been talking to Kate haven't you?"_

"Maybe, but she is right I think you should consider doing this for a living."

_"I don't know anything about running a business."_

"You are related to one of the greatest business tycoons in the world. I think he could give you a few pointers."

_"He's so busy. I hate to bug him about an idea."_

"Kate and I will help you get a business plan together. It won't have to be perfect. He will give you some leeway since you are his baby sister. I'll try to butter him up for you. Let's wait until right after the party so he will still be impressed by all the work you did to make it special."

_"You really think it will work?"_

"Christian is always looking to diversify. I know if we sell it right you could have the most successful party and wedding planning business on the west coast by next year. I think you should think about writing a how to book. Share just enough to intrigue people while helping those who couldn't afford to hire you. I happen to know a great publishing company."

_"Ana that would be amazing! I can't believe you would help me with this."_

"You're my sister. That is what family does."

She smiles and hugs me so tight it takes a second to catch my breath.

_"I love you Ana."_

"I love you Mia. Thanks for all of your work in making this party just perfect for Christian and I."

_"You're welcome. Thanks for making my big brother so happy."_

I just smile. They all help me pick a few things for the library. I order two slip covered club chairs from Pottery Barn. I still have quite a bit of money saved and I really want to buy some things with my own money. I feel like this trip has been good. It feels nice buying things with the money that I have earned. I know Christian would not approve, but this is something else we will have to learn to compromise on. Later in the evening we meet Jose for dinner. I immediately notice his eyes constantly wandering to Kelly. She is great at carrying conversation with just about anyone, but she seems smitten with Jose as well. I am secretly pleased. Once we complete dinner we head to a local bar. No clubbing tonight. I know Christian will be as pleased as I am. As the night wears on Kelly and Jose relax around one another. I know they would be perfect. Jose, like Jacob is a great catch. Either of them would have been great for me. I just never felt that way. Kelly and I have a lot in common. I know that she and Jose will hit it off. Before I go to bed I make a point to call Christian and tell him about the newest infatuation. He relaxes knowing that Jose's attention is no longer on me. This is a win-win for me. I could potentially have 2 more friends make a love match and I get one of my best friends back in my life regularly without irritating the man I love.

Kelly spends most of her day Monday with Jose. She drilled us last night about Jose. We both definitely sold him. Kate is as giddy as me on the possibility. Monday night we meet the two of them at the gallery. Jose's work is amazing. He has a very artistic eye. As I scan his work I come across a giant canvas that shocks me. Jose always has his camera with him and he has taken many pictures of Kate and I through the years. This picture seems incredibly intimate. I rack my brain when it could have been taken. Nothing comes to mind. I look relaxed, happy, and beautiful. This is the way I feel when I am with Christian.

_"Do you like it?" Jose asks._

"I love it. When did you take it?"

_"Last spring when we went fishing with our dads, you are always so relaxed there and I wanted to capture it."_

Some of my best times have been spent on that lake. I know I have to have it. This is the perfect gift for Christian. I know Jose took it, but every time I look at it all I can think of is Christian. I make sure to purchase it before I leave. Luke promises to make sure it gets on the plane in the morning. We all go out to celebrate how successful the show was. Jose sold every piece. I call Christian just before I go to bed.

"How's the trip going?"

**"Good. I am glad I decided to get this done. I shouldn't have put it off for so long. Are you having fun?"**

"I am, but I miss you so bad. What time are you coming home tomorrow?"

**"I'm hoping to be back by dinner time. I promise to call when I leave. I love you!"**

"I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow. Please be careful and don't forget to call me."

**"I will."**

We hang up and I drift off to sleep. It has been a busy few days. The next morning we have time for some breakfast. I notice a familiar face coming out as we are entering. I pray she doesn't say anything to me. I don't know how I will respond. Luckily I have my girls with me.

_"Ana?" She says surprised._

"Charlotte." I say flatly. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! This is the woman that almost ruined mine a Christian's relationship for good. We are engaged now and I can't let this bitch have the last word.

_"What brings you to San Francisco? Did you leave Seattle for good?"_

I know what she is referring to.

"Actually I live at Escala with Christian. These are my friends, Kate, Kelly and Mia, Christian's sister." I see the shock on her face. Take that!

_"Oh I see. You look great."_

"Thank you. You look pregnant." I just noticed her bump. She is about 5 months along if I had to guess. I suddenly feel sick. Is this Christian's?

_"I guess I was the one who actually had news for Mr. Grey."_

I see Kate's face fill with rage when she figures out what is going on. I keep my composure as Kate stops the conversation. Thank God for her or I might have had a panic attack. How am I going to tell Christian about this? Do I want to tell him? There is no way he will leave me just because she is pregnant right? I can't even look at food. Luckily Mia and Kelly are not aware of who Charlotte is. I am in no state to explain. Kate keeps the conversation going so that they barely notice my sudden mood change. I have so many questions. Why didn't she just tell Christian she was pregnant? Was she just trying to get me out of the way so she could have him to herself? Ugh the questions are going to drive me crazy. I spend the entire flight trying to figure out how to even approach this with him. Once I am back at Escala I go straight to the library and journal. God let this help me get control of all of these emotions.


	86. Chapter 85

Sorry for the drama. Here is a quick chapter. I hope it helps! Please review.

Chapter 86

Christian calls me when he leaves BC and when he arrives in Seattle. He can hear the reservation in my voice and questions what is wrong. I tell him I am tired. This is true I am both mentally and physically tired. I need to get this off my chest, but I have to stay calm. When Christian gets home I greet him with a kiss. I hope this is not the last kiss I receive. A baby couldn't possibly change how he feels about me. He doesn't love Charlotte he loves me. He turned his back on me when he thought I was pregnant. Won't he do the same to her? Can I allow that? If this is his child it deserves a father. I know I will have to encourage him to be a part of its life. This is an impossible situation. I pick at my dinner and I know it's now or never. Christian speaks first.

**"Ana what is wrong. You haven't touched your food,"**

Here goes nothing. "I ran into Charlotte this morning at breakfast before we left."

**"What did she say?"**

"It really wasn't anything she said exactly."

**"Ana don't be vague. Just tell me what happened."**

He is irritated. I know the irritation is not aimed at me. "She's pregnant."

**"Okay."**

It isn't registering. "My guess by her protruding belly she is about 5 months along." With that it hits him. His face is full of panic.

He gets up and leaves the table without saying a word. I know it is best if I don't follow him. He is processing it just as I did this morning. I clean up the table and scrub the kitchen. Gail keeps this house spotless, but I need to keep busy and if that means scrubbing every inch of this place, so be it. Once the kitchen is shining I go to the bathroom. I scrub it top to bottom and then decide on a bath. I put my ear buds in and escape into my music as I soak. I stare at my ring on the bathroom counter and the tears begin to fall. I don't know how long I am in the water. I get out when it turns cold. Once I am ready for bed I go back to the library. Christian's office door is closed and I don't go near it. I must have fallen asleep because I wake up as Christian picks me up, obviously taking me to bed. I wake up enough to notice his face is splotchy. He kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear.

**"This changes nothing as far as we are concerned. You will be my wife and I will love you forever."**

My tears begin again and I nuzzle into him. He lays me in bed wrapping me in his arms and we sleep. I don't know how, but somehow being together induces peaceful sleep. The next morning I wake up and Christian is gone again. I know he needs his space and I will fight my urge to make him talk to me. For now I will hang on to his declaration last night. He still loves me and wants me forever. That is enough. We will make it through this. I get ready to go to work. I text him as I am leaving just letting him know I love him no matter what. I am sure he is just as scared that I will abandon him. I couldn't do that. God knows I don't want this crazy psycho in my life forever, but if that is what it takes to have Christian in my life I will endure. The day is a haze. My mind is preoccupied. Thank God Kelly is spending the day with Jacob. I don't think I could explain what is going on if I tried. I work through lunch. I haven't eaten anything of substance in almost 2 days. Christian is going to be furious. He probably won't notice since he has a lot more on his mind than my eating habits. Escala is quiet when I get home. I decide to read. I need to get lost in someone else's life for a while because mine truly sucks. Taylor interrupts my solace.

_"Ana, Mr. Grey wanted me to tell you that he will be back tomorrow night. He had to take care of something in San Francisco."_

"Taylor thank you for telling me. I am not sure why Christian couldn't just tell me. By the way please don't speak in code. I know damn well what he is taking care of. I am the one that brought it to his attention."

_"I am sorry. Mr. Grey just asked me to be sensitive to your feelings."_

"Just shoot straight with me. I won't break. Is he going to ask her to get an abortion?"

_"I don't think so. I am really not supposed to be talking about this with you."_

"Well he won't and I think I have a right to know. Don't you?"

_"Yes."_

"What does he think he is going to accomplish by going down there. She obviously is trying to hide the pregnancy. Why, I am not sure."

_"Mr. Grey doesn't think it is his."_

"How is that possible? He is always monogamous and they sign a contract to remain the same."

_"Please, Ana. Speak to him about this."_

"Fine. I don't want you to get in trouble. Sorry Taylor."

_"I understand your feelings. You just need to get him to talk to you."_

He leaves and I decide wine and lots of it is the only way I am going to get through tonight. After 3 large glasses I am sufficiently relaxed enough to sleep. I fall into bed still dressed. The next morning I repeat the process of yesterday. Although at lunch I disappear opting to get lost in the sea of people at the market. That evening Christian comes home. He tries to avoid me. This is enough. He has to talk to me. I can't go on this way. I go to the office, barge in and slam the door behind me.

"You can't avoid me forever."

**"I'm not avoiding you. I am trying to get some answers."**

"Don't you think I would like some answers?"

**"I'm sorry Ana. I am overwhelmed right now and I want to get all of the answers before I burden you with any of this."**

"Christian I am already burdened. You not speaking to me only makes me feel more isolated and alone. Are you going to leave me for her? Is that why you went to San Francisco?"

**"Never. I am afraid you may be the one leaving."**

"So you are pushing me away to make it easier if I do?"

**"Yes."**

"I'm not going anywhere. Is this the ideal situation, no, but I love you and I am committed to you. Did you ask her to get an abortion?"

**"Yes."**

"What if that is your flesh and blood? Wouldn't you want to know it?"

**"I don't love her. How am I going to love a baby that she tricked me into?"**

"Is that how you felt when you thought I was pregnant?"

**"No. I loved you. I thought you were tricking me because Elena filled my head with lies. Our child would have been different."**

"I think you know that now, but at the time you felt exactly the same as you do with Charlotte. You can't ask her to abort her baby. That is her choice. When it is born just get a paternity test and if it is yours then you will take care of it and I will help you."

**"Why would you do that?"**

"Because I love you and anything that is a part of you I know I will love too."

**"You are the most amazing woman."**

"No I am just a woman in love. Love is an amazing thing. It will get you through things you thought you would never survive."

The next week is excruciating. Our engagement party is 2 weekends away and neither of us is in a partying mood. Christian is trying to convince Charlotte's OBGYN to release her records to him since she is claiming he is the father. It has been a battle. He has hired the best family attorney in the country and my hope is that they will find a loop whole. In the meantime they have a court order for Charlotte to get in utero DNA testing. She is trying to stall which raises my suspicions that she is hiding something. Elena hasn't been heard from and I just feel like something big is going to go down soon. All of the drama is taking a toll on me. I rarely eat. I make sure to eat enough when I am with Christian. I don't need to be another stress to him. Flynn has been my saving grace. Christian and I both have been going to regular sessions with him. The night of the engagement party I have Mia bring my dress. I get ready while Christian is in his office. I am sure he is dealing with this baby drama. Just as I slip into my dress the door flies open.

**"It isn't mine. The baby isn't mine."**

"What how do you know?"

**"The DNA doesn't match and the doctor finally released the due date. She is not as far along as she looks. She has been apparently gaining massive amounts of weight to make herself look further along. She was hiding in San Francisco until she was far enough along that she knew I wouldn't ask for an abortion, but you spoiled those plans. I just got done confronting her with all of my information and she caved. She had a one night stand right after I ended it with her. Apparently this is when she got pregnant. She decided after seeing you that she would get you out of the picture and then wait for the perfect moment to trap me."**

I stand stunned. What a conniving bitch. How is it that he is surrounded by such evil women? I am thrilled of course, but I just shake my head, not understanding what would drive someone to such lengths.

"You have no idea how happy this makes me. I was dreading tonight. Now I can't wait to declare our love and future life to the world."

**"Ana, I wouldn't have made it through these last weeks without you. You were a rock. I love you beyond my wildest imagination."**

He doesn't notice the dress until after he has stripped it off, made passionate love to me and I had to start over getting ready. I didn't mind. I meet him in the foyer.

**"Wow, you look stunning. Take those girls with you shopping anytime. I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier. I'm sorry."**

"Your news was way more important that this silly dress. Now let's go. We are late to our own party."

We hop in his R8 and speed to Bellevue both feeling like a horrible dark cloud has been lifted.


	87. Chapter 86

Lots of reviews for the last 2 chapters. This is short, I had a very fussy baby today. Keep reading and reviewing.

Chapter 86

We arrive only fashionably late. Taylor and Luke follow us in the SUV. There is security everywhere. I know this is Christian's doing. You would think the President of the United States is in attendance. With Elena up to God knows what, I am for once grateful to have all of these babysitters. Elliott meets us at the front door.

_"Good of you to make it to your own party little bro. Did you get tied up?" Elliott winks and Christian fumes._

**"Shut up Elliott."**

_"I figured Ana would have lightened you up by now. You are too serious bro."_

Christian ignores him although I see a smirk on his face. I realize this is their banter. Elliott jokes and Christian fumes. I don't have any siblings so this entire exchange is strange. I am floored when I see my mom and Bob. I wasn't sure if they were going to be able to make it. They couldn't afford a last minute flight and mom has been dealing with a horrible cold. I know this is Christian's doing. I kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you."

**"You're welcome."**

He smiles back as tears threaten to roll down my cheeks.

"Mom! I am so happy you are here. When did you get in?"

_"We just arrived a few hours ago." She hugs me then pulls back with a frown. "Ana are you okay? You seem awfully thin. Have you been eating?"_

I know Christian is within earshot. I am surprised he hasn't noticed over the last few weeks. He has been so stressed, but my eating is such a hot button.

"I'm fine mom, really. I've been really busy."

_"Just promise me you will take care of yourself."_

"I promise." We hug and I excuse myself to greet Mia and Kate.

"Mia thanks again for all of your hard work." I hug Kate and they lead me outside. There are giant tents everywhere. October in Seattle can be iffy in the rain department. The decorations are elegant, but tasteful. Mia didn't go extravagant and I am grateful she listened to what I wanted. I see Jacob, Jose and Kelly sitting at a table.

"I didn't know you were coming Jose. It is so good to have you here."

_"Thank your fiancé he had us delivered via helicopter."_

"Us?"

_"My dad is here along with Ray." Jose point s off into the distance. _

"I need to go say Hi. Stay put all of you. I want to sit and talk. Just give me a few minutes." I walk up just as Christian is approaching the two older men. He grabs my hand, pressing it against his engage Mr. Rodriguez and Ray for a few minutes. Walking back toward the table I left my friends at I speak.

"You are full of surprises today aren't you? You managed to get everyone that is important to me here tonight."

**"You deserve to be surrounded by everyone you love. By the way don't think I haven't noticed the weight."**

I cringe bracing for full blown lecture.

**"I'm only mad at myself. It is my fault you haven't felt like eating. I knew I couldn't lecture you when I was the reason you couldn't eat. Just promise me now that the crisis has passed you will eat."**

"I promise. I really have tried. I just was so worried."

**"I know, me too. I am sorry that her being pregnant was even a possibility. I am also so sorry for the way I treated you when I thought you were pregnant. If there is one thing in my life I could take back it would be how I acted that day. Thank you for never giving up on me Ana."**

"Water under the bridge, we can't keep rehashing the past. You hurt me, you worked hard to make it right and you also know better than to ever treat me that way again. Right?"

**"Right."**

Elliott has joined the group since I left. Christian and I sit. Even Christian seems to be enjoying the conversation. Unfortunately it is short lived. Mia is running a tight ship. Dinner is served and we are asked to join the family at a different table. Grace and Carrick are stunning couple as usual. Walking toward them I notice they still have a spark after 30 years of marriage.

"I hope we are that happy after 30 years." I say to Christian.

**"They're a great couple. I have always admired how at ease they are with one another. I never quite understood how it was possible to feel that way about another person, until now."**

I squeeze his hand and smile up at him. We approach the table as Grace and Carrick stand to greet us. Dinner is fabulous, but I would expect nothing less at any Grey function. During dessert Elliott gets on stage. I am a little nervous. Elliott is not known for his serious demeanor and I can only imagine what may come out of his mouth.

_"My baby brother and I have been known to get into many arguments over the years. We all know Christian is the no nonsense Grey and I am the fun Grey. Personally I think he takes himself a little too serious at times, who am I kidding, all the time. With that being said, you have a lot of traits I admire bro. You are perfectionist, which can be annoying at times, but you are also fair and brutally honest. We can all use more honesty in our lives. When you first brought Ana around I was shocked. We all thought you were gay. As we have gotten to know her it is easy to see why you fell in love. Ana is by far your better half. I have no doubt that you have chosen the right girl to spend the rest of your life with. Just don't screw it up or the rest of the family may disown you." He winks and toasts._

Christian is smiling and I know Elliott's speech touched his heart, in true Elliott fashion. I am floored when Christian stands and goes to the stage. He gives Elliott and hug and then takes the microphone from him.

**"I want to first thank my brother for his halfway kind words. I also would like everyone to give my sister Mia Grey a round of applause for planning this wonderful event." The crowd breaks into catcalls and applause. Mia gives her embarrassed smile. "I am a blessed man. I was blessed as a child to be adopted into such a loving family that showed me unconditional love every day. Well everyone except Elliott. I have been blessed in business and now I am blessed to have found my soul mate." I see Ana look to her hands and I know she is getting emotional. I have to concentrate to not follow suit. "Anastasia Rose Steele has been the biggest blessing thus far. I am not an easy man to live with, just ask Elliott." Everyone laughs including Ana as she shakes her head in agreement. "Somehow she wakes up every morning still loving me. I am eternally grateful and I am looking forward to waking up by your side for the next 50 years or more. I love you Ana." I raise my glass toward her to toast and see her tears falling. **

I was not expecting Christian to speak. His words have moved me to tears. When he returns I rise and meet him in a long embrace. I don't even notice the whistles and clapping from our friends and family.

"I love you." It's all I can manage at this moment.

**"I love you too."**

Mia informs us that it is time to dance. She wants us to dance first. We make our way to the dance floor and the music begins to play. My eyes get wide as I hear Hunter Hayes singing the song Christian sent me via email. It is not a recording of him it is the actual Hunter Hayes. Christian's grin is huge. I never talked to Mia about music so I know this was his doing.

"How did you make this happen?"

**"There are lots of positives to having money."**

I just roll my eyes and rest my head on his chest as we dance. He whispers the lyrics into my ear as Hunter sings. After the drama of the last few weeks I am never more grateful to be celebrating our love tonight. When the song is over Christian I both thank Hunter for taking time out of his tour to play for us. Unfortunately, he has to leave for another show, but makes us promise to be his guest when he is back in town in the spring. Turning back toward the dance floor I notice Maggie and Mark. Somehow I was so preoccupied I hadn't realized they made it. They are leaving the floor so I pull Christian toward their table.

"Maggie! Mark!" I shout and the both turn. "I am so sorry it has taken so long to get to you."

_"Ana please this is your night. Thank you for inviting us. Mia did a great job. I was thinking of seeing if she would help me plan my parent's anniversary party next month." Maggie says._

I am so glad Christian is here. He can see just how in demand his sister's expertise is.

"I am sure she would love to. Kate and I have been talking to her about starting a party planning business."

_"Oh I can see her being so successful. She really should do that."_

I can tell Christian is interested even if he doesn't say a word. We visit with them for a long while. Christian and Mark seem to hit it off. I really want us to have some couple friends. I will have to plan a night out with Maggie. They could be a great influence. By the time the party is winding down my feet are aching and my body is exhausted. I can tell Christian is beyond ready. We say our goodbyes and drive back to Escala. I slip into something sexy and thank Christian again and again for his loving words. We are both sated. I fall asleep wrapped up in his arms.


	88. Chapter 87

Thanks for the positive reviews on the last chapter. I have several new followers - welcome and please leave comments. Thanks to my regular reviewers. I am still working out a showdown with Elena. Any ideas are appreciated.

Chapter 87

Christian and I decide to go out for lunch the next day. Everything seems fine. We are enjoying a relaxing meal. After the excitement from last night this is a welcome change of pace. As we are leaving I am bombarded by a mob of people with cameras hollering out questions. It takes me a moment to realize they are speaking to us. Christian wraps his arm around my shoulder while pulling me into him as we make our way through the sea of people. I know I must look like a deer caught in the headlights. Why in the world would paparazzi be interested in me? Oh yes, the engagement party. I am officially engaged to one of the wealthiest men in the world. Great now I won't be able to go anywhere unnoticed. I just want to yell back at them that we are just people. People fall in love all the time, just because a man has wealth and power, his relationship is somehow more interesting. This is going to be a challenge for me. Christian has warned me several times that this may happen. I guess I didn't take him that seriously. The mass is following us to our car. Seriously? Christian allowed security to stay behind this morning. I am sure he is rethinking that decision. After 15 minutes of trying to maneuver the car through the crowd we break free and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Is that normal?"

**"I was afraid of this. I have had paparazzi follow me on occasion, but never to that extent. Apparently they are quite taken with you."**

"I doubt that. They probably can't believe you would fall for some plain Jane middle class girl."

**"Ana there is nothing plain about you. You are captivating. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. You walk in a room and people notice. It is no wonder the paparazzi are fighting to be the first to get a picture of us together."**

"You're sweet and love is blind Mr. Grey."

**I know better than to try to convince her. That is what I love about her. She is beautiful, smart, funny and incredibly humble. Humility is a trait that is hard to come by these days. I know I need to make sure Taylor and Luke know that we need to be more diligent with security after today's events. Elena could have easily blended with that crowd and gotten to Ana. It was against my better judgment to go out without security and it won't happen again. I hope Ana can deal with all of this attention. I know how she loves to spend her lunches in the Market. I am not sure that will be possible for a while. Hopefully, the newness will wear off in a few weeks. **

"I guess this means we won't be going out for a while?" I pout. "Will I have to stay in work too?"

**"It may be a good idea just for a few weeks. They will get bored of us and move on."**

"Okay, I can handle a couple of weeks. What are we going to do for the rest of today? I don't want to just go home and sit around."

**"Why don't we take The Grace out? It will be harder for them to follow us on the water. I'll have Luke meet us there."**

"Yay! I love The Grace."

We spend all afternoon sailing with no destination. Luke brought dinner that Gail packed up. We eat dinner on the upper deck and enjoy the sun set. Shortly after we are back at the harbor and heading back to Escala.

"Some of my favorite moments with you have been on The Grace. I love you for sharing her with me."

**"She means so much more now that I have."**

How is it possible for him to melt my heart so easily? Sometimes I feel as if I need to pinch myself. I don't do hearts and flowers Christian Grey has turned into a man filled with love and romance. I take pride that I had a big part in this transformation.

The next few weeks are a circus. I am constantly bombarded by the press. They hound me at work all the time. Luke has been wonderful at keeping them at bay. Maggie finds it as ridiculous as I do. She has been a great sounding board for my frustrations. We have even thought of ways to trick them into following her on occasion. She has dark hair and we have similar builds so we like to play with their heads from time to time. Every day is the same, endless pictures and questions.

_"Miss Steele, when is the wedding? How did you meet? Are you going to sign a prenup? "_

There have been some unkind questions too. I try to ignore those. They are usually about my casual appearance and the fact that I am not from the proper bloodlines. Really? Is he royalty? Is he required to marry a cousin to keep the lineage pure? People crack me up and I just shake my head and laugh when they ask stupid questions. Luke and I spend the ride home making jokes about how ridiculous this whole thing is. I am glad to have him. He keeps me sane and protects me from the more aggressive photogs. Apparently, Christian was right. The paparazzi are never parked outside of GEH. I am sure it is because they already know they won't get anything from him. I am the weak link and they just keep hounding hoping I will snap. I won't say I never answer questions. I try to be pleasant to those who are pleasant to me. Christian is always unnerved by my daily stories. He just wants them to leave me alone. After talking to Maggie today I have an idea. I am hoping he will agree.

"What if we did an interview? You can pick the magazine. Just get our story out there. Then it won't be news anymore."

**"I don't know if that is a good idea."**

"Why not? They are not giving up. It has been two weeks and there are still just as many as on the first day. We could control what is said. It would be our story. Right now there are a million scenarios about how and why we are together. I am tired of having accusations thrown at me on a daily basis. Someone today mentioned you having certain sexual preferences. They didn't mention BDSM so I think they were just fishing to see how I would react. How would they know that? Someone is feeding them just enough information to keep them interested. I am sure we can guess who."

**"Okay. Let me talk to our marketing team and see what they recommend. I want it to be a reputable news source not a gossip mag."**

"That's understandable. Let's hope this works."

Two days later we are on our way to an exclusive interview with People Magazine. Christian's team felt like we needed to reach out to a popular entertainment magazine, People was the most flexible. I am twiddling with my hands the entire ride. I know this was my idea, but now I am incredibly nervous. What if I screw this up?

**"Relax. You are going to do great. Everyone loves you Ana. Just be yourself."**

"I just don't want to say the wrong thing."

**"You won't. Just follow my lead. I have done a million interviews it really isn't so bad. In fact in one of my most memorable I was asked if I was gay."**

I laugh out loud. "I can't believe I asked you that."

**"I am just glad I got the chance to show you the truth."**

"Oh yes, you are definitely not gay." I kiss him.

He always knows just the right things to say to ease my nerves. We enter GEH a little past 8 am. The interview is being held in Christian's office. I smile as we enter remembering my interview with him just months ago. Life can change so quickly. I glance to my ring then look to Christian with a loving smile.

"I love you Mr. Grey."

**"And I you, Miss Steele."**

Andrea has made sure everything is ready to go when we arrive. We are greeted by a middle aged woman. She introduces herself as Irene Zutell. I recognize the name. Maggie had recently met with her about a book she had written. She went with another agency, but I know Maggie really liked her personality. I mention the meeting and we both seem to relax. Christian just smiles at me with pride. We make small talk about the publishing industry and her personal life. I like to get to know people. It helps me relax being able to picture them as fellow human beings and not just a reporter trying to get information out of me. Christian doesn't say much, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by my commanding the conversation. We transition into the interview seamlessly. Irene does a good job at keeping the process effortless allowing Christian and I to be more at ease with our answers. We talk about how we met. Surprisingly Christian mentions my gay question. Irene seems amused.

_"You were a brave girl asking one of the most powerful CEO's such a personal question."_

"I didn't really think about it. I am not a journalist and Kate's questions seemed so forced. I was curious so I asked."

_"Well obviously we know what his answer was."_

"Yes, he is definitely not gay." I blush.

_"So you have been dating since June?"_

"Yes, well we took a short break because I had to travel to New York for business."

**"I found quickly that I couldn't live without her and I followed her across the country."**

_"Wow! I guess when you are a powerful CEO you can conduct business wherever you please."_

**"We actually have an office in New York and I spend a few weeks every year working there. This trip was quite a bit longer because of my desire to be with Anastasia."**

_"I am from New York City and currently reside in LA. I too fell in love in the city. My husband and I go back every chance we get. What were some of your favorite spots?"_

"I loved so many places. My favorite has to be Housing Works Book Store."

_"Oh yes, I love it too. Such a great cause. I try to make a purchase there every time I am back home. Christian, did you have a favorite?"_

**"I couldn't pick just one. Ana and I made so many great memories it is impossible to narrow it down."**

_"Spoken like a man in love. So tell me how you proposed."_

**"The first time wasn't very romantic."**

_"The first time?"_

"Yes, Christian proposed a record 3 times. The first time I was getting ready to come home from Seattle. He had to stay a few more days and he basically just blurted it out. I was in shock. We hadn't been dating long and I asked if I could think about it."

_"You told Christian Grey NO?" She looks shocked._

**"I know I was shocked too." Christian chimes in.**

"I didn't say no. Marriage is a huge commitment and I just wanted to be sure I thought I was ready. I never doubted Christian was the man I wanted to marry, but I was just 22 years old fresh out of college. It's a big step."

_"What happened the second time?"_

"I took a couple of days to consider our relationship. Christian was still in New York. I missed him horribly and the more I hated being away from him the more I realized I wanted to be his wife. I called him. He was still a little perturbed at me. I asked him to ask me again. After a small argument he did and I said ABSOLUTELY YES."

_"If you said yes then why would he have to ask you a third time?"_

**"I am sure you are aware that my jet went down on my way home from New York. I was unconscious for a few days. When I woke up I had some memory loss."**

_"To what extent?"_

I look toward Christian and he gives me unspoken approval. "He didn't remember who I was."

_"You are telling me the day after you said yes to his marriage proposal he forgot who you were?"_

"Yes."

_"How did you make it through that? When did he get his memory back?"_

I am not quite sure how to answer this. Christian speaks before I can gather my thoughts.

**"I didn't know who Ana was, but there was an undeniable spark between us. Ana took care of me day and night for weeks. I respected the fact that she was so caring even when I couldn't remember how much she meant to me. One day I just snapped out of it. Something she did that day reminded me who she was and all of the memories came flooding back. "**

_"What did she do?"_

**"I couldn't pin point it. She was just being Ana. She is an extremely resilient and strong person. By showing me how much she could take she triggered my memories."**

I love how he can talk in code. I know he is speaking of the incident with Elena, but he would never share that with anyone.

_"So regaining your memory triggered the 3__rd__ proposal?"_

**"Yes, but this time I did it right."**

_"Do you mind explaining?"_

Christian diverts to me. "He sent me on a scavenger hunt around Seattle. He had clues ready for me at each memorable location. Once I found the final clue at our apartment I met him at the Space Needle where he had a romantic dinner, this amazing ring and an even more memorable proposal."

_"It seems that you are a very romantic man, Mr. Grey."_

**"Only with Ana."**

I smile knowing that he was never romantic before me.

_"Do you have a date picked for the big day?"_

"Honestly, we are just enjoying being together. I am sure we will know when the time is right."

_"Do you want a big wedding?"_

"I just want to make sure our friends and family present. Really that is all the matters, being surrounded by those you love."

**"Ana will get whatever she wants. I have a feeling my sister Mia will care more about the wedding details than me or Ana do."**

"This is true. Knowing Mia she has been mentally planning the Grey weddings since she was a kid." We both laugh.

_"Ana, you currently work for Williams Publishing here in Seattle. Do you plan on continuing after you are married?"_

"Of course, I was raised to have dreams and work hard to achieve those dreams. I have always wanted to be an editor/writer. Being married to a billionaire doesn't change that. In fact, I would prefer we keep our money separate. Christian worked hard to build his empire and I don't feel entitled to any of the proceeds that come from his sacrifice." I can tell this bothers Christian. I think it is important that the general public knows that I am not a gold digger. I know it shouldn't matter what they think, but it is hard to not care what others think.

_"Christian do you agree with Ana's assessment and will you have a prenup?"_

**"I agree that Ana can do whatever she wants. If she wants to work then she will work. I will never restrict her from her dreams. I don't agree that our money will be separate. I have worked hard for my wealth, but honestly all of it means nothing without Ana. A prenup is out of the question. Divorce is not an option for me, but no matter what happens I want Ana to always be taken care of. I will make sure she wants for nothing. Ana is very stubborn and I know she will fight me on this. She will eventually get used to the fact that what is mine is hers."**

I roll my eyes knowing he is equally as stubborn. I won't ever deny him showing his love through purchasing gifts for me, but I just don't see myself going on shopping sprees with his money. It just isn't me.

_"I have to admit, I wasn't sure how this interview was going to play out. I am guilty of having some preconceived ideas about both of you. I am pleasantly surprised at how wrong I was. You two are obviously in love. You also respect one another. It is quite refreshing. Thank you so much for allowing me to see a more intimate side of the future Mr. and Mrs. Grey."_

"It was our pleasure. Thank you for being so easy to talk to. We really just want everyone to understand that other than Christian's immense wealth we are normal everyday people."

I secretly know there is nothing normal or everyday about Christian. I am helping him with that. I smile.

_"I have to disagree Ana. Your love is inspiring. I rarely see two people who have overcome such obstacles at such a young age with their love intact."_

If she only knew the half of it, I know she is right. We have overcome so much over the last months. Most couples would have crumbled if they experienced just one of these obstacles. I am proud that we have survived, even thrived.

"One of my favorite quotes about love is:

'The couples that are meant to be are the ones that go through everything that is designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger'

That is how I see mine and Christian's relationship."

We end the interview on that note and I am pleased that we decided to do this. I hope this will put any questions about the foundation of our relationship to rest. I say my goodbyes leaving Christian to his work. Luke drives me to WP. I am not surprised to see the vultures still circling. I ignore them yet again and go about my job.


	89. Chapter 89

Here is a short cliffhanger...I will post the rest soon. Happy Reading.

Chapter 89

Unfortunately, I have to put up with the paparazzi for another 2 weeks before the interview is in print. We really should have done television, hindsight. Christian and I are pleased that Irene properly portrayed our relationship. Soon after the annoyance begins to dissipate, only a few local photogs stick around, tending to show up a couple of times a week. I really don't mind them. They are friendly and just seem to want to snap a few pictures. Christian is pleased that my life is returning to normality. I know it has been stressful for him. The few times he came to take me to lunch I thought he may explode at the invasion. All in all he has done a good job keeping his control OCD in check. I am sure the old Christian would have just forbid me to go to work, wanting me to hole up in Escala for the last month. No doubt that would have made me CRAZY and I would have found every opportunity to disobey his wishes. It has been good for him to see that I can be trusted to be conscious of my own safety.

October is now gone and Thanksgiving less the 3 weeks away. I usually spend Thanksgiving with Ray and Christmas with my mom. I am not exactly sure how this is all going to work out now that I need to consider what Christian's family traditions are. I make a mental note to discuss this with him tonight over dinner. Just as I am packing up to leave for the day the front door opens. I assume it is Luke coming in to escort me to the car. This has been our routine for the last month. Maggie and Mark have left for the day opting to pick up the kids since the commotion began. I look up from my computer and my heart literally plummets. It can't be. How in that hell did he know where to find me? I realize in this moment that our interview with People may have done more damage than I anticipated.

_"Hello Anastasia." His voice is dripping with resentment and I remember why I hate it when people call me Anastasia._

"Stephen." I say cold and flat. I can't let him see how terrified I am. I notice him lock the door just before stalking toward me. I know Luke is right outside. Christian mentioned that he did an extensive search and background check on Stephen, but I am not sure Luke would have recognized him. I wouldn't have except I would know those cold and evil eyes anywhere.

"Why are you here Stephen?" I continue.

_"I am here to see the future Mrs. Christian Grey. Does he know how disobedient you are? Mr. Grey doesn't strike me as a man who likes defiance."_

"I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about." Play dumb. I need to give Luke enough time to get around to the back door.

_"Don't play dumb Anastasia. You were never stupid, insubordinate, yes, but never stupid."_

"What exactly do you want?"

_"I want to finally give you what you deserve. You convinced your mother to let you leave before your training was complete. Then shortly after your mother left me, I blame the failure of our marriage on you. Now I want to make sure Mr. Grey doesn't make a mistake in marrying you. You destroy everything you come in contact with Anastasia. Mr. Grey is a powerful man and should not have to fall prey to such a conniving bitch."_

His words sting, but I know that what he says is not true. I worked through this with Flynn months ago. It is Stephen who is sick. This has nothing to do with me.

"I am not afraid of you anymore. I am no longer that little girl that you beat into submission."

_"You should be very afraid. I should have finished the job while I had the chance. I was mistaken in thinking that your leaving would be the best thing. I realize now that your mother missed you and couldn't stand to be separated from you. I should have gotten rid of you permanently when I had the chance. I could have been a comfort to your mother in her time of sorrow and she would still be with me today."_

Time has not been good for his psyche. I wonder why he has snapped now. It isn't like he couldn't have tracked me down years ago.

"Why didn't you track me down years ago? Why wait until now to finish it?"

_"I had put you out of my mind. I found a new outlet for my disapproval of the mighty Miss Steele. Recently a friend with the same outlet found me because she too had been on the receiving end of your self-righteousness. Then I saw the article and I knew it was time."_

There is only one person he could be talking about, Elena. She is more evil than I ever imagined. I am curious if she knew about my strange relationship with my ex-stepfather. If she didn't then she surely does now. I start to feel sick. Before Stephen can make a move Luke is on him. He must have snuck behind him when I was asking questions. I was too in shock to notice. I decide to bolt while Luke takes care of Stephen. I burst out the back door and spot the SUV, sprinting toward it feeling if I can just get in the car I will be safe. Without warning I feel a sharp pain in my head. I fall to the ground grabbing my head. My vision is blurry, but the voice in unmistakable.

**_"Let's see if your relationship can survive this…." Elena's voice is cold and calculating. _**

I am yelling hoping someone, anyone hears. She places duct tape over my mouth to shut me up and drags me to a car making me get in the trunk while she pushes a gun into my ribs. SHIT! I should have stayed with Luke. What was I thinking? Christian is going to go insane. I can only imagine what kind of torture Elena has in mind for me this time around. Lying in the trunk I realize that I stuck my cell in my back pocket. I dropped my purse just outside the SUV and I am sure Elena thought all of my belongings were in it. She duct taped my hands behind my back before making me climb in the trunk. I rack my brain as to how to get a message to Christian. I know my tracking is on my phone so if all else fails he can find me that way. I just don't know how long it will be before Luke can get a hold of him. I decide that SIRI can help me. I hold down the middle button and she comes on. I only hope Elena can't hear.

"Text Christian." She complies and I speak out my text. "Elena kidnapped me follow the phone tracker." It takes 3 tries before SIRI gets it right and I want to kick Apple's ass for not making her more user friendly. I slip the phone back in my jeans and wait. 


	90. Chapter 90

**Thanks for the reviews. I will be posting several smaller chapters since we are now going to have some twists and turns. I am prepared for haters on the next few chapters. Just know I already know the outcome to all of this drama and you need to bear with me. Happy Reading!**

**Chapter 90**

**I am in a meeting when Andrea interrupts. She knows how I hate to be disturbed, but by the look on her face it is important. I excuse myself allowing Ros to continue where I left off. **

**"This had better be urgent."**

_"Sir it's Ana."_

**"Is she okay?"**

_"I don't know sir. Taylor called and told me to get you. He has been trying to reach you on your cell with no luck. All he said was to tell you Ana was in trouble."_

**"Thank you Andrea. Obviously reschedule all my appointments for today. Get Welch on the line for me with Taylor."**

**I go back to my office trying not to panic. I had left my phone on my desk knowing this meeting would be brief. FUCK! My imagination is running wild. Did she have a run in with the paparazzi? Has Elena reared her ugly head again? Just as I get lost in my thoughts Andrea patches Taylor and Welch through. Taylor explains that Luke called him about 10 minutes ago explaining that Stephen Morton had Ana locked in Williams Publishing. **

_"He just emailed over a video with Ana and Stephen's conversation. I have since lost contact. I can only assume that he has engaged Stephen. I am in route to WP as we speak." Taylor explains._

**Abruptly my phone dings. It's a text from Ana. Terror fills me when I read it.**

Elena kidnapped me follow the phone tracker.

**I spring into action. Her safety is my only concern. **

**"Welch track Ana's phone. Elena has her. She just text me to follow the phone."**

_"On it sir." _

**"Taylor, What the FUCK why was Elena allowed to get this close to Ana and what does Stephen have to do with all of this?"**

_"Sir, as you know Elena has been in the wind. Her house went into foreclosure and other than the time she was spotted at GEH her whereabouts have been anyone's guess."_

**I know he is right. Taylor has been diligently searching for Elena since her appearance at GEH. I am beyond frustrated at how she has been able to elude me. If I get my hands on her she will pay the ultimate price for hurting the woman I love again. Welch locates the signal on Ana's phone. It is headed toward the Bay. I don't think Elena will just drive into the ocean and end it, she would want more drama than that. There is only one explanation, the ferry. There are only 2 places she could be going. I know that the easiest way to get to her will be by air. **

**"Welch keep me updated on the tracking. I am headed to the heliport. She has to be using a ferry. Let me know as soon as you track which one. Then I will know where to fly. Taylor call the authorities to help Luke and meet me at Charlie Tango. "**

_"Yes sir." Both say._

**I hang up and call to set up an immediate flight plan. Taylor has forwarded me Luke's recording and as I drive toward the heliport I listen. I am proud how Ana is handling herself. She is so strong. I constantly underestimate her strength. I listen to his words and they make me ill. Then he mentions something that stops me dead in my tracks. He found other outlets? He met someone that was crossed by Ana? This has Elena written all over it. She manipulates every situation to suit her needs while making others feel like they are solving personal issues. To be a 15 year old boy again and have this knowledge would change so many things. I know I can't dwell on this right now. My concern is only of Ana and her safety. I don't even want try and imagine what Elena is planning. **

**Just as I am taking off Welch calls. **

_"As you know there are only 2 options for her with a car out of Seattle, Bainbridge or Bremerton. She is on the Bainbridge Island Ferry sir. I am will keep tracking to see if I can pinpoint an exact stopping location."_

**"There is only 1 place on Bainbridge that I will be able to land. Please have a car waiting for me there."**

_"On it sir."_

**I call air traffic control and relay my destination. I am currently at an advantage. The ferry will be crowded and it will take time to get off. In the mean time I will have to try to intercept Elena before she can get to her destination. Once we land it takes about 30 minutes for a car to arrive. I am fuming. I want to yell at Welch for incompetence, but I know he always does top quality work and this was out of his hands. I opt for driving. Right now I need to stay focused and driving is my best option to achieve that. By the time we get to the Ferry the last car is coming out and Elena is nowhere in sight. FUCK! Now what? I get Welch on the phone and he gives me the cars whereabouts. I race toward the direction he is picking up the signal. As we get further in the dense forest of the island Welch loses the signal. I stop the car and try to get my bearings. **

**"Welch, search property owned by Elena's ex-husband on Bainbridge Island." He comes up with nothing. SHIT! Where are you going Elena? "Try her maiden name Foster. Any property registered under the name Foster." He gets a hit and shoots me an address. **

**"Hold on Ana. We are on our way." I say out loud.**


	91. Chapter 91

**Short but sweet.**

Chapter 91

I feel the car moving. She drives for a few minutes then slows down. We slowly go over a few bumps, speed bumps? Then we stop. Elena gets out and closes the door. I anticipate the trunk opening, but it doesn't. Then I feel like we are moving, but the car is not started and the wheels are not turning, the ferry? Yes we must be on a ferry, but to where? Bainbridge Island is the most logical option. I hope Christian got my message. He has probably already alerted the cavalry and they are in route. This thought helps to calm my nerves. Christian will save me. He will find me before Elena does any harm. A short time later the ferry stops and Elena gets back into the car. We go over the bumps again exiting the boat and we are moving. The roads are winding and I am having a hard time not getting sick. I concentrate on positive thoughts. I think back over every time Christian and I have made love. If anything can distract me it is the memory of his hands roaming my body. Hmm, it is helping. I can't wait to have him close to me again. Just as I am deep in thoughts the car comes to a sudden stop. The trunk flies open and Elena orders me out. My mouth and hands are still taped so I just have to endure her verbal abuse.

_"You think Christian really wants someone as weak as you? He could never be happy with you. I made sure of that. I know everything he likes because I taught him everything he knows. I saved him. Did he tell you that? I was the one that took a scared little boy and made him into the man he is today and this is how he thanks me. He throws me away like yesterday's garbage just because you put some love spell on him. I will remind him who he is and then he will be mine forever. He will be the one to end you. You will die today little miss perfect and it will be Christian who takes your life."_

She is out of her mind. She literally has had a mental breakdown. Christian would never hurt one hair on my head. How in the hell does she think this is going to play out. Good thing I have the element of surprise on my side. She will not know what hit her when Christian arrives before she summons him. Elena has a sick way of loving people. From what I gather from her delusions she loves Christian. I, of all people understand how easy he is to love, but what she is describing is mental. This is not a love that anyone deserves or asks for. She leads to a 2 story bungalow tucked into the woods. Under any other circumstances I would love this place. It is quaint and charming in a beautiful setting. However, today it scares the living daylights out of me. She orders me to sit as we get inside never taking the gun off of me. She pulls out her cell and makes a call. She calls Christian. My heart is racing. I know he has to be close but I don't want him to give himself away. I only hear her side of the conversation.

_"Christian darling, I have something for you. I need you to come to this address at once. Oh don't worry I won't be the one harming Miss Steele today. Yes I am sure you would like that, and you know I would too. Looks like you haven't changed as much as you would like to think. I will see you soon. Have a safe trip."_

She hangs up and leads me up the stairs without saying a word, her face plastered with an evil grin. We reach a door and she opens it. It is a normal bedroom with antique furniture and a full size bed. I notice the handcuffs on the headboard. This means she will have to undo my wrists in order to use those. My mind is replaying everything Ray taught me about self-defense. I know I have to get that gun out of her hand. I will have a huge advantage with that gun. I have been target shooting and hunting since I was a kid. Elena removes the tape from my mouth first. This move shocks me and I take advantage, letting her know just what I think of her little stunt.

"You are a sick, evil bitch. You really believe that Christian has ever or will ever be in love with you? That is laughable. You have no idea the lengths he will go to save me. He would lay down his own life for mine."

_"We'll see about that_."

She takes off the tape on my wrists. I take this opportunity to hit her square in the face. She stumbles back dropping the gun. I scramble toward it grabbing it. She jumps on my back and I elbow her in the ribs. She gasps for air and I run toward the door gun in hand. I make it just to the top of the landing before she pushes me down the stairs. I tumble hearing the cracking of bones. I hit the floor and the gun flies a few feet away. I am in agony, but I hear her footsteps coming down the stairs. I use all of my might to grab the gun. She is increasing her speed and just as I turn around she lunges. I pull the trigger without second guessing my actions and she falls. Ray always taught me two things about guns when used as defense, aim for the chest and unload the clip. I do both knowing that most rounds hit Elena directly in her vital organ region. Just as she hits the floor the door flies open. I see Christian and I pass out from the pain and the shock.


	92. Chapter 92

Glad you like gun toting Ana! You may not like me after this. Happy Reading!

Chapter 92

**We are a few miles out when my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, but answer anyway. I am greeted by Elena's voice.**

_"Christian darling, I have something for you."_

**"I am well aware of what you have."**

_"I need you to come to this address at once."_

**She gives me the address that I am already in route to. "If you hurt one hair on her head I will not be responsible for the pain I inflict on you."**

_"Oh don't worry I won't be the one harming Miss Steele today. Yes I am sure you would like that, and you know I would too. Looks like you haven't changed as much as you would like to think. I will see you soon. Have a safe trip."_

**She hangs up and my rage is out of control. I want to torture her just as she is mentally torturing me, but I know she would enjoy that too much. A quick death would be best that way she doesn't get the satisfaction. I am gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles as we pull into the drive. As we approach the house I see a car with the trunk open. She must have kept Ana in there. That is the only way to explain why she didn't arouse suspicion on the ferry. Taylor and I run toward the door just as shots ring out. We both stop and stare at one another as they continue, 6 in total, the entire clip. A wave of dread spreads over my body. I burst through the door and can't believe my eyes. Ana is laying on the floor her eyes on me with the gun in her hand. As soon as she registers my face she passes out. I check for a pulse finding it strong and look over to see Elena dead with 6 bullets wounds to the chest. Again I have underestimated my fiancé. I go to move Ana, but Taylor stops me.**

_"Sir, you shouldn't move her. She obviously has broken bones. I can only assume she fell down the stairs. We need to be careful not to do any more harm. Let me look around for a make shift neck brace and something we can use as a back board."_

**I know he is right, but my urge to hold her and comfort her is overwhelming. I choose to stroke her hair instead speaking to her softly.**

**"Ana, I am so proud of you. You were so strong. She will never hurt you again. Please be okay. I can't live without you. Come back to me. Please."**

**Taylor supports her neck with a rolled up hand towel and duct tape. He found a piece of plywood in the garage and he slides it under her body. We use our belts to strap her to the board. Taylor helps me carry her to the car and he calls the authorities to retrieve Elena's body. Elena who once meant everything to me lies in a pool of her own blood and the only emotion I can gather is relief. Flynn has helped me work through a lot of my emotions with Elena. I now understand that I was brainwashed and taken advantage of. I resent that she ever made me believe she wanted what was best for me. It was always about her and it makes me sick that she has tried to destroy that one thing that I love most, Ana. We wait long enough for the sheriff to arrive. Taylor handles the explanations and gets them in touch with Welch. Another deputy escorts us to the helicopter, everyone knowing this is Ana's best shot at recovery. We load her onto Charlie Tango. I hate seeing her so vulnerable. All the other times spent in the air have been so wonderful. She is broken and bruised and I am helpless. I call my mom telling her to meet us at the hospital. I don't have the fortitude to explain the circumstances right now, but promise to fill her in when we get to the hospital. I estimate we are 15 minutes out. I know we will arrive before my mom can get there, but she will have the trauma team ready to go. We land and I step aside reluctantly and let them do their job. The lack of control is driving me mad. I follow the gurney into the trauma center and they start working on assessing Ana's injuries. Mom arrives and immediately comforts me.**

_"Christian sweetheart, what in the world happened?"_

**"Elena kidnapped her."**

_"She did what?"_

**"She kidnapped her and I barely got to her in time."**

_"Well, all that matters now is that she is safe. Where is Elena?"_

**"She's dead."**

_"She's dead? Are you sure? Did you kill her for this son?"_

**"She is dead I saw it with my own eyes. I won't say I didn't want to kill her, but I didn't Ana did."**

_"How?"_

**"She shot her with her own gun."**

_"It looks like we underestimate Miss Steele." She smiles. "She did what she had to do to save her own life."_

**"I should have protected her. Look at her. She is broken and bruised. God only knows how much damage Elena did before she shot her."**

_"Should've, Would've, Could've son…it is neither here nor there. You need to be thankful that she is alive. Now let me go see if I can get some answers."_

**I pace the waiting room wearing a hole in the floor. What is taking her so long? Is everything okay? I need answers before I go insane. I run my hands through my hair just as my mom turns the corner.**

_"Even as a small child you ran your hands through your hair when you were anxious. Would you like to see Ana? She is awake and asking for you."_

**"Absolutely, yes."**

**Just before we enter I get the typical doctor warning. She has been through a lot, she is tired, don't get her worked up. Yes I know, I know I think to myself before bursting into the room.**

**"Hey baby. It is good to see you conscious."**

_"I wish I could say the same, but the pain makes me want to pass out again."_

**"Do you want me to have them get you some more pain meds?"**

"I am already at my limit. Is she dead? Is Elena dead?"

**"Yes baby she is."**

"I'm sorry."

**"What do you have to be sorry for? She tried to hurt you and you defended yourself."**

"I know she used to be very important to you. I wasn't intending on killing her I just wanted to give you time to get there. I reacted and instinct took over."

**"Ana, she was important to a different me. You are the most important thing in my life and I would have killed her with my bare hands if given the chance for what she has done to you. So please don't be sorry. I for one am extremely proud. You are the strongest most fearless person I have ever known. Do you feel like telling me the details?"**

I go step by step from Stephen all the way to pulling the trigger and fatally shooting Elena. It feels as if I am living in an action movie. These events can't possibly have happened in my life. Yet the pain I feel throughout my body is proof. As Christian and I relive the whole nightmare from one another's point of view I feel my feet go numb.

**"Are you okay? Do I need to get the doctor?"**

"Christian my feet are numb." A few seconds later I can't feel them at all and my legs feel like dead weight. I try to move them feeling like I am lifting a thousand pounds and nothing happens.

"I can't feel my legs." I sob. He runs out of the room fetching the doctor.

Grace comes in along with the neurologist. He checks my reflexes and I can see he is concerned. Grace does her best to keep Christian calm. They set up an MRI and wheel me directly to Radiology. They won't let Christian come back, but Grace promises not to leave me. Once complete I go back to my room and wait. Grace tries to calm us both.

_"This could be many different things. Please don't worry until we get more answers."_

Christian and I do our bests to do as she says. Neither of us is successful. An hour later the neurologist is back.

**_"I suspect the paralysis is a result of Peripheral Neuropathy. This is when damage to the nerves of the peripheral nervous system has occurred. A traumatic injury is a factor. I suspect Ana's fall down the stairs is the culprit. It can be temporary or permanent depending on the severity. We will have to wait for her other injuries to heal and get her into physical therapy in order to see how well her body responds."_**

"You are telling me I could be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life."

**_"It is rare, but yes it is a possibility." _**

Christian storms out of the room. I know he is not mad at me, but is worried he won't be able to be strong for me right now. Grace comforts me in his absence knowing her son needs space. The neurologist leaves us.

"This isn't fair Grace. I fought and won and still she gets the last word."

_"Ana sweetie, this was just an accident. Granted Elena caused the accident, but honestly this kind of thing could have happened if you had a car wreck or slipped and fell. You can never know how the body will react to trauma. You need to concentrate on the fact that he said it is rare for it to be permanent. You will recover."_

"What about Christian. I know he is out there feeling guilty and I don't know how to make him feel better. None of this is his fault."

_"Just leave him for now. Christian has a way of working things out when he is not pushed. I do want to tell you how proud I am of you for defending yourself. I have had murder in my heart since I found out what she did to my son. I am glad she is dead."_

"Me too." We hug and she gives me more pain meds which induce sleep. I wake to voices. My eyelids are still heavy, but I can hear Christian whispering to Grace.

**"What if she never recovers? This isn't fair we shouldn't have to worry this crap. We should be planning a wedding, one where Ana walks down the aisle to me. How are we going to make it through this?"**

_"Christian, do you love Ana?"_

**"More than anything!"**

_"Then you will figure it out."_

I drift back off not able to fight the pull of the medication. I dream of being in a wheel chair, a distant memory as Christian carries on his life without me. Will we survive? Maybe he's right and this is too much.


	93. Chapter 93

This is where the shit hits the fan. I am prepared for the haters, it will not deter me from how the story will proceed. Happy Reading!

Chapter 93

Luke arrives the same evening to check my progress. In all of the commotion with Elena I had forgotten about Stephen. Since Luke looks unscathed I can only assume Stephen is behind bars.

"I am sorry I ran."

**_"You were right to follow your gut as I have discussed with you before. I would have never dreamed it was an ambush. I had just come from the back of the building and I never saw Elena."_**

"What happened to Stephen?"

**_"Taylor called the authorities and they came to pick him up after I had already subdued him. Taylor had Welch passed on all of the information he has gathered about his and Elena's vendetta. I am sure he will be charged with attempted murder knowing he was in cahoots with Elena. I hear I need to mind my p's and q's around you. You are quite a shot."_**

"Funny Luke! I just got lucky."

**"****_Ana you don't hit someone square in the chest from the ground with broken bones with luck. That it is pure skill. Your dad taught you well. I will have to shake his hand the next time I see him. Now I am going to let you rest. I am glad to see you are okay. And Ana, don't stress too much about the legs. You are resilient and I know you would never let something like paralysis stop you." He winks and leaves the room._**

I can't help but smile. Luke always knows how to lift my spirits. Kate visits shortly after Luke leaves. I cry on her shoulder about the entire ordeal. She promises to call my parents for me. I am not up for another inquisition today. She has the details and she can relay them how she's sees fit. Once she leaves I settle in with more pain meds and a hope of at least a few hours of sleep. I wake up several times in the night. Christian is always right beside me ready to help. I know he is scared just like me about the unknown, but I love knowing he is here when I need him most. The next week is the same, lots of pain, sleepless nights and Christian constantly by my bed. He only leaves when Grace is on duty so she can watch over me long enough for him to shower and eat. I am so tired of this hospital, these doctors, and most of all this bed. I want to go home and I know Christian wants me home. He has been a real pain in the royal ass to the staff. Demanding top notch treatment and ridiculous bed side manner. I know this is his way of having some control over the situation, but I for one am tired of apologizing for his moods. Thank God for Grace. She helps me manage him and is a good buffer between Christian and the staff. I need to convince him to make a large donation just to make amends. The morning of the 8th day I am finally released. The press is waiting to hound us. All I want is to go home. I don't want to deal with the outside world just yet. Taylor sees the crowd and takes a different exit skirting around them unnoticed. He is my favorite person today. I smile and he nods. Once at Escala I feel like a complete invalid. I am a complete invalid. The apartment is not set up for a wheelchair and I bump into everything. I get frustrated so easily. Gail is a doll, moving furniture where she can, as she sees an obstacle arise. Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks and I still have no idea what the plan is. I decide to skip Christian and call Grace. After a discussion we are planning on going to Bellevue. Gail will be at her sister's and Grace doesn't want me to have to worry about a thing. My mom is flying in next week and Ray can drive down. I hate that everyone is changing their plans to suit me, but it is what it is. This is the hand I have been dealt and I better learn to get used to it.

Over the next two weeks Christian works from home. He is available any time I need him. It is nice and yet smothering at the same time. Gone is my independence. Is this what the rest of my life will be like? I will have to depend on someone else for everything. I don't even bathe or dress myself. Luckily I can still wipe my own ass. This is one thing I will not let Christian do. It is no easy task, but a girl has to keep some of her pride intact. Thanksgiving goes off without a hitch. I catch glimpses of Christian interacting with his family. This is the happiest he has been since the accident. I know I am becoming a burden. Not that he would ever admit it. I have just been feeling sorry for myself and today, on Thanksgiving I resolve NO MORE! If I am going to recover it is not because Christian loves me, it is because I am going to choose to fight. I will fight for my independence and I will regain my strong will. I need to come to the realization that this may be forever Ana. There are millions of people who live with paralysis daily and do miraculous things. This will be me. No more moping. It is time to take action.

Monday after Thanksgiving I resolve to go back to the office. I need life to get back to normal. I arrange with Luke to take me and pick me up as he always does. I will have to depend on him to get me in and out of my chair. I don't tell Christian of my plan. He has spent the last 3 weeks fretting over me nonstop and it has taken a toll on him and our relationship. I decide to email him when I get to work then he won't be able to forbid me to go. Maggie and Mark have visited me numerous times in the hospital as well as at home. Kelly even came by before she had to go back to New York. Today is bittersweet for me. I desperately want to resume my life, but this is the place where Ana of old was taken. I enter the office and my heart rate speeds up. I know if I don't get control I will have an anxiety attack. Maggie sees me and my fear and immediately comes to my rescue. She rolls right into discussing a new author and a manuscript she needs asap. God love that woman she can read me like a book, no pun intended. The rest of the day goes by smoothly. I email Christian with no response. I take that as a good thing. At least I didn't get some long lecture about how fragile I am. I can't be broken any worse than this, right? Luke drives me home where Gail has dinner ready. Christian calls and has to work late. I know he needs to catch up since I have kept him preoccupied and I think nothing of it. I manage to get myself ready for bed and even in the bed. Mark that as another successful endeavor. For the next 2 weeks this is how it goes. I am more and more determined to live independently and Christian buries himself in work. We see each other rarely. He travels more and more and I can't help but think he is losing interest in me. We haven't made love since before the accident. Tonight I am determined to put a stop to this. Christian comes in late as usual and I make sure I am awake to confront him.

"Nice of you to make it home."

**"I'm sorry I was swamped today."**

"Yes you have been consumed with work for the last 2 weeks, while I sit at home missing you. I have given you your space hoping you will resolve to open up to me. I get nothing. You give me nothing. Not even FUCK OFF ANA! I need you Christian."

**"What do you want from me? You obviously don't need me. You have learned how to do everything on your own. I have nothing left to do."**

"Christian I don't need you to be my care taker. I need you to be my partner, my lover, my friend. I am still Ana. The same Ana that you fell in love with, this chair hasn't changed me."

He just stares at me. I can see his wheels turning. I refuse to let this go.

"What are you afraid of?"

**"Nothing."**

"Don't lie to me Christian I deserve honesty even if you think it will hurt me."

**"I hate seeing you like this. It is a reminder of how I have failed you. I don't know if I can live with the guilt of seeing you this way forever. I want our life back."**

"What if I never get out of this chair? What is going to happen to us?"

**"I don't know."**

"This is bullshit Christian. You are weak. I can't believe you are going to let the guilt of something you couldn't prevent tear us apart. If I could get out of this bed and run into the other room I would, but since I can't I want you to leave. I don't want to see you again until you decide I am worth fighting for."

**"Ana please."**

"Go Christian before I throw myself out of this bed making you feel more like a piece of shit."

He leaves and I am fuming. I am so mad at him I won't give him the satisfaction of tears. This is ridiculous. He is being selfish and I need to concentrate on getting better. It's time for some drastic action to make Mr. Grey realize he can't live without me.


	94. Chapter 94

Prepare yourself. Happy Reading! I am proud to say I have officially written 158,000 words. Keep the reviews coming and I will keep writing.

Chapter 94

The next morning I go through my normal routine. As per normal Christian is nowhere to be found. I am seriously fed up with him wallowing in his guilt. I'm the one stuck in this damn chair. Luke takes me to work. I discuss my plan with Maggie, who is supportive as usual.

_"Just work from Savannah. Christmas is in less than two weeks. We won't be doing much of anything until the first of the year. Take care of yourself Ana and show Christian what you are made of."_

"Thanks Maggie, you are a good boss and a great friend."

I book my flight for this evening. Gail is packing my bags and Luke is picking them up at lunch. I call Kate and Mia letting them know I am going to visit my mom for a few weeks or more. Both are always supportive and understand how frustrating Christian can be. My last call is to Grace. I don't want her to find out through the grapevine. After I explain my reasons Grace reassures me.

_"Ana, I love my son, but I know he doesn't always make the best choices. You have to take care of you. Christian will be fine. I have a feeling he will realize quickly what an ass he is being. He loves you Ana he just has a strange way of showing it. Carrick and I have had our fair share of misunderstandings. He will respect the fact that you didn't back down."_

"Thanks Grace. I love you."

_"I love you too Ana. Take care."_

We hang up and I write a letter for Christian. I have sworn everyone to secrecy about my whereabouts. I don't want Christian stalking me cross country like he did in New York. I am choosing to leave and I will decide when I am ready to deal with Mr. Grey. This time is about getting my head and my body healthy. Luke picks me up and takes me to the airport. They let him assist me all the way to my seat on the plane. I give him the letter for Christian and he hugs me before he goes. Within 30 minutes I am headed east. My heart is heavy. I question myself at least 10 times before we are able to turn on electronic devices. I left my phone with Luke so I rely on my ipod shuffle and lose myself in my Christian mix. Now the tears flow. I already miss him, but I resolve that this is what has to be done if there is any hope to salvage Christian and Ana. We need to strengthen ourselves in order to be a whole and healthy couple. I fiddle with my ring as the songs play on and on. I am not giving up on us, the Jason Mraz song blasts in my ears I am giving us a chance.

The airline has someone to assist me off the plane. My mom is waiting at the gate with Bob. There is a perk to being paralyzed. I get to see my family right when I get off the plane. My mom almost breaks down at the sight of me. She reacted the same way when she visited for Thanksgiving. I just act as if nothing is wrong, joking about Bob being too exhausted for his early tee time because he had to pick me up from the airport. We get my bags and after some maneuvering in the car we head home. I can't wait to wake up on the ocean tomorrow. The Atlantic is so different from the Pacific but it still has that same salty sea air that I love.

**I come home late from work feeling incredibly guilty. Ana's words have haunted me all day. She is right I am selfish. I want her to be back to normal. I love her, but I just don't know if I can be what she needs. I am just not cut out for this. We need to see Flynn. Maybe he can help us both get a handle on our feelings. We seem to be back at square one in the communication department. Actually I am back at square one. Ana is communicating just fine. I walk into the lights off and I know Ana has already gone to bed. I hope I can just slip into bed without waking her. I can never sleep when she is not beside me. I tip toe around in the dark stripping my clothes and sliding into bed. I reach across to touch her, but my hands come up empty. I jump up and turn the lights on. Her side of the bed is perfectly made. She was never in it. I notice an envelope on my nightstand with my name written in Ana's handwriting. I sit on the bed and open it. **

Christian –

First I want you to know that I love you. I have realized over the last month that my love is not enough to get us through this and neither is yours. I am leaving to concentrate on myself. I need to fight and I need to find me again. I can't depend on you or your actions to complete me. I am going to work on me. I don't know how long I will be gone, but I will return. Please don't give up on us. Please say you will fight to find yourself again. I miss us. I want us back. I pray that it isn't too late.

X Ana

I immediately find Luke. I know he had to have assisted her. How could she just leave? Honestly, deep down I don't blame her. I practically pushed her out the door. Luke refuses to tell me anything.

_"I'm sorry sir, if Ana didn't tell you I don't think she wants you to know."_

**"Fuck you Luke! You don't work for Ana you work for me. I am demanding that you tell me."**

_"I am sorry sir, but I won't tell you. You can fire me if you feel the need."_

**"Damn it! Just go. Ana would kill me if I fire you and you know it."**

**Who in the hell can I get to tell me where she is. I call Kate knowing it will be a dead end but I try anyway. Then Mia, still no luck and finally I call my mom. Knowing Ana she made sure everyone was informed but me. She is so considerate and if I had been the man she needed I would know where she was, hell she would still be here. My mom answers in her sleepy voice. I feel bad for waking her up, but it quickly passes.**

**"Mom what do you know about Ana leaving."**

_"Christian I think it is best if you leave this alone."_

**"I can't I screwed up and I need to make it right."**

_"You did and you do, but you need to do it on Ana's terms. Prove to her that you can do as she asks. This is not a test son. She desperately wants you to show her you are the man she fell in love with and that you see her as the woman you fell in love with."_

**"How do I do that if I can't talk to her?"**

_"You'll figure it out. Now let me go back to bed. I love you Christian."_

**"I love you mom."**


	95. Chapter 95

Reviews please. Thanks!

Chapter 95

The first few days I spend on the back porch in the sun watching the sea. The ocean never ceases to amaze me. The tide goes in and out every day. The waves turn the sand tumbling it violently over and over. The sea is powerful, deadly and yet it holds so much life beneath the surface. I am mesmerized by its consistency. I am encouraged to write. I keep my journal with me at all times. The words flow out of me through my hand hitting the pages. It has been a dream of mine to write a book and suddenly I am inspired. Each morning up until Christmas is the same, the sun, the ocean and writing. Christmas Day I do my best to help my mom with dinner. We each got one another a small gift. My thoughts travel to Bellevue where I know the Grey's will be celebrating. I hope that Mia was able to get the picture wrapped up for Christian. I mailed her a card to attach. I want him to remember me for who I am. Mom brings me back to reality when she hugs me for the necklace that I purchased. Thank God for internet shopping otherwise it would be impossible to surprise anyone. We spend the rest of the day lounging around. My thoughts are constantly of Christian. This would have been our first Christmas together. I pray I have done the right thing.

**I have been dreading Christmas for weeks. All I can think is how I wish Ana was here. I won't be able to give her the gift I have been planning for months. Elliott calls me Christmas morning to make sure I am still planning on coming. I assure him I would not disappoint mom. I drag myself away from the work I have been burying myself in for the last few weeks. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours at a time since Ana left. My nightmares are a mixture of events that all end with her dead or gone for good. The drive to Bellevue seems longer than usual. The weather is not helping my mood. Seattle winters are filled with fog, drizzle and cold. I haven't seen the sun since the day Ana left. I know this is literally and figuratively. Mia meets me at the door her normal bubbly self. I try to put my happy face on, but I know she sees right through me. **

_"Come in big brother. Today is Christmas and it is going to be a good day. We miss her too."_

**I grab her in a tight hug. "I miss her so much Mia. Please tell me I will make it without her." I don't care that I am uncharacteristically affectionate with my baby sister. Ana taught me what it was to truly love. I love my family and it is about time that they knew how much.**

_"You won't have to. You and Ana are going to come out of this stronger than ever."_

**"I hope so."**

**We go into the family room both drying our eyes. I do my best to enjoy the rest of the day. I need to be present in the here and now. That is what Ana has been trying to tell me. I need to live in the moment, enjoy every second without regretting the past or fearing the future. It goes against my control issues, but I know she is right. I know that I can't be happy or make her happy unless I can do this. The goal is clear, now to see if I have the perseverance. After dinner we open presents. When we are all done Mia pipes up that she has one more gift. She hand it to me. **

_"Open the card after the gift. Just trust me."_

**I open the large package and gasp loudly. It is the most stunning picture of Ana happy, relaxed, and beautiful just as I remember her in our happiest times. I read the card and I don't care that tears are streaming down my face.**

Christian –

I saw this photo at Jose's show in San Francisco and immediately thought of you. When I look at it I see everything I feel when I am with you. You make me feel happy, relaxed and beautiful. You are the love of my life and I have faith that we will find our way back to each other.

X Ana

**I am so overcome with emotion I have to leave the room. I feel a hand touch my shoulder, expecting my mom, as she is the comforter of our family. I am taken aback to see my dad standing before me. **

_"Are you okay, son?"_

**"I just really miss her dad. I am terrified that I have lost her forever. I just don't think I will make it if she doesn't come back."**

_"Christian, Ana is very similar to your mother. She loves deeply. She won't give up easily. There have been many times in the last 30 years that I should have lost your mother due to my arrogance or ignorance. She fought for me even when I was giving up on myself. Ana is strong son and so are you. Dig deep and do what it takes to show her that you are willing to fight for her."_

**"Thanks dad."**

**We embrace. I haven't hugged my dad since I was a kid. It feels liberating to be able to hug my family without fear. In the last 7 months I have faced demons and fearsthat have plagued me for years. I know that Ana gave me the strength, but I also know that I made choices to not let them plague me any longer. Today I am making a choice to keep going on this journey even without Ana by my side. I have to do this for me knowing that it will also benefit my relationship with Ana. Once back home I hang Ana's picture in the master bedroom. I want it to be the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. I go to the office and make a list.**

**1. See Flynn weekly without fail.**

**2. Spend every morning reflecting on the blessings of my life.**

**3. Go out of my way to spend quality time with each member of my family.**

**4. Don't let my work rule my life. (This will be a hard one especially when Ana is not here as a distraction.)**

**The next morning I dive in head first into Operation Appreciate Life.**

Mia calls me Christmas evening to let me know that Christian loved the gift. She describes how emotional and even affectionate he was with everyone. I find myself missing his voice and his touch. I know I must have gotten quiet.

_"Ana are you okay?"_

"I'm sorry, I just really miss him."

_"Do you have any idea when you may come back?"_

"I don't know Mia. I still feel like I have so much to work on personally. I don't want to come back too soon. As hard as this is on us both I know this is exactly what we need. We have to come back together as two whole people. If this wheel chair has taught me anything it is that it is not Christian's job to make up for my insecurities and fears. Likewise, it is not my job to cater to his moods or walk on egg shells because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. I am not so naïve to think we will never have problems or fights, but I know we will be better prepared when they arise."

_"I know you are right Ana, but just know that we all miss you. So please come home as soon as possible."_

"I miss you all too. I will be home as soon as possible. Thanks again for making sure Christian got my gift."

_"You know I would do anything for you."_

After hanging up I resolve myself to start working hard on getting my mind and body healthy. Monday after Christmas I make an appointment to start physical therapy. I will never know if I can walk again if I don't try. Just after the first of the year I begin physical therapy. My therapist Brett is amazing. From day one he doesn't let me make excuses. He pushes me 3 days a week to my breaking point and although I hate him after every session, I can feel myself getting stronger so I come back ready for the punishment. I spend my mornings writing and my days building my strength and editing manuscripts for WP. I receive regular calls from Kate, Mia and Maggie. Kelly calls when she has a chance. Her relationship with Jose is in full force. He has relocated to New York where he has more opportunity to display his work. I couldn't be happier for them. I miss my conversations with Grace, but I have resolved to let her concentrate on Christian's needs. I have my mom and his should be completely committed to helping him. After 2 months gone I feel like I am ready to reach out to Christian. Kate and Mia have been amazed at how different he is lately. They expressed how he spends more time with the family than ever before. He seems content and relaxed working much less than ever before. I have mixed emotions about this. I am proud that he has taken this time apart seriously and not gone back to letting his control issues take over. On the other hand I am worried that this means he doesn't miss me. I am being silly, I know he loves me. I chose to put this distance between us and if that means sacrificing our life together for Christian to finally find a contented and fulfilled life on his own then it has to be worth it. If we don't make it through this intact that is just something I will have to live with. I write and rewrite my email at least 20 times. Finally I just have to let it go and send it.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Hello

**Date: **February 7, 2013

**To: **Christian Grey

I wasn't sure how to go about this. I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I am getting stronger every day. I hope you are well. Please know how much I love you and desperately miss you Mr. Grey.

X Ana

Assistant Editor, Williams Publishing

My stomach is full of butterflies anticipating his response. I decide it will do me no good to just stare at the screen so I close my computer and make myself some lunch. My mom has learned to go against her motherly instinct and let me do for myself. It has been good for us both. After lunch I go back to work checking my emails first.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Thrilled

**Date: **February 7, 2013

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I am thrilled to hear from you. I too am getting stronger, but I really miss you. Please come back to me soon. I am ready to be what you need.

Love,

Christian

Still hopelessly in love, CEO Grey Enterprise Holding, Inc.

His email is exactly what I needed today. My determination has never been greater. I want to return to my love and my life. There are few things I need to complete before that happens. I have noticed over the last week that I am having sensations in my toes. After talking with Bret we decide it is time to push harder. Christian and I continue corresponding once a day neither of us wanting to push too hard. I work twice as hard in the gym and in therapy. On March 1st I take my first unassisted steps. As much as I want to call Christian and tell him of my accomplishment I decide to wait until I am walking on my own and just show him.


	96. Chapter 96

**Thanks for the reviews. This is short but I am setting up something. Thanks for all the new followers! Happy Reading!**

**Chapter 96**

**Since Christmas I have made a daily effort to use the journal recommended by Flynn. Sometimes I express frustrations or overwhelming emotions, but mostly I try to write down things in my life that I am thankful for. I have found that it helps me deal with the little irritations in my day. I have a standing weekly appointment with Flynn. He has helped me deal with lingering emotions of Elena's death. It has been harder than I imagined to let her go. I have dealt with anger and guilt at still having feelings toward a woman that did nothing but hurt me and Ana. I have finally understood that it is okay to grieve her. She was a huge part of my life for 12 years and in a strange way I loved her. The reality of what the relationship was really has been hard to deal with. In Ana's absence my free time is now spent taking Mia to lunch or hiking with Elliott. Mom and dad have gone out of their way to have me for regular dinners. I have taken them for granted way too long. My parents have been saints dealing with my moods and distance for so many years. **

_"Ana would be proud of you Christian. You have really taken her absence in stride. I am certainly proud of you for seeing the bright side to all of this." Grace expresses._

**"At Christmas I realized as much as I miss Ana I have so many blessings that I have overlooked for too long. You and dad have been the best parents I ever could have hoped for. I am sorry for all of the years I kept you at arms-length. It wasn't because I didn't love you I hope you know that."**

_"Christian we are your parents and we understand you better than I think you understand yourself sometimes. We have never doubted your love for us. You may not have always shown it in the traditional sense, but you show it in your own way. We have prayed for someone to come into your life that was able to see how exceptional you are and open you up to what you have always held so deep inside. Ana is your someone and I have faith that the two of you will make it through this. Just have faith in her and more than anything have faith in yourself."_

**"You always know the right words to say mom."**

_"It's a gift." She smiles and I wrap her in a hug. Funny this used to be so hard and now it is calming._

**A few days pass. Today I am doubting if Ana will ever come back. Mia is constantly trying to reassure me that Ana misses me as much as I miss her. I just wish she would contact me. I know she is in Savannah with her mom. It didn't take me long to figure it out and since she has been gone I have picked up the phone to call, written emails only to erase them what feels like a million times. Flynn has encouraged me to let Ana make the first move and not to push her. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have wanted to send her little gifts to prove my love, but have somehow refrained. I have an early morning meeting today and several conference calls all of which will help to keep my mind off this ache in my chest. I make it through the first meeting in one piece. I quickly check my emails before my first conference call. As I am scrolling through I stop on one in particular. I almost think I may be hallucinating. I click the link and it opens to an email from Ana. I can't contain the grin that possesses my face. It isn't long or even overly revealing, but it is something and today something is all I need. I type back an equally short and sweet email back. I consider this a step in the right direction. **

**Over the next 2 months I continue to work on me. Ana reaches out daily via email. I want so badly to hear from her more, but I am taking her lead. Her spirits seem to get better as time goes on. I am hoping that this means she will be coming back soon. I want us to work on the rest of the journey together. I don't care if Ana never walks again. Her legs may be broken forever but her essence is all Ana and I long to be covered in it. As March rolls around I decide that I want to make a trip to surprise her. I am going to take a chance with the hope that she will be reminded at how good we are together. I schedule the jet and on March 4****th**** I leave for Sea-Tac only to be interrupted by a call that changes everything.**


	97. Chapter 97

Leaving you on a high note for the weekend. I won't be able to update until Sunday night or Monday. I hope everyone has a great weekend. If you are in the north east stay warm. : )

Chapter 97

**I look at my phone and recognize the number immediately.**

**"Hey mom."**

_"Christian sweetheart is there any way you can come over tonight for a family dinner?"_

**"I was actually on my way to the airport can I take a rain check?"**

_"Is it something you could postpone?"_

**She never asked me to drop what I am doing. "Is everything okay, mom?"**

_"Everything is fine. I just have something important that I need to discuss with all of you."_

**I know she wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. "I can be there in 20 minutes."**

_"Thank you son, I am sorry to make you change your plans."_

**"Don't worry about it. It can wait." **

**I temper my disappointment and call to put the jet on standby. Maybe I can get out a little later. I arrive at Bellevue and make my way to the family room. Mia and Elliott are already seated so I join them on the couch.**

**"What is going on?" I ask .**

_"I have no idea, mom just called and said she wanted me to come by to discuss something."_

**_"Same here." Elliott says._**

**My imagination is running wild. What the hell is going on? Mom and dad enter the family room and take a seat across from us. I can tell mom has been crying today. She obviously has tried to hide it, but I have only seen my mom with red puffy eyes and handful of times over the years and she has never been able to conceal her emotions. **

"Kids your mom and I need to tell you something."

**My dad chokes back his own tears. I begin running my hands through my hair. This can't be good. My parents are always rocks. To see them both so emotion is scaring the shit out of me. My mom speaks as she gets emotional.**

_"I have breast cancer." _

**Mia immediately runs to comfort her. Elliott and I sit stunned. She never gets sick. She's always the one taking care of everyone else. How is this possible? It isn't fair. **

**"How bad is it?" My dad answers.**

"You know your mom is diligent with her health and gets regular check-ups." We all nod. "That may be what saves her. It is a rare and fast growing strain, but they are optimistic that we caught it early."

**"When did you find out?"**

_"I suspected just after New Year's, but I just got confirmation last week." My mom says regaining her composure._

**Elliott finally speaks.**

**_"You are going to be fine mom. You are a Grey and we don't give up easily. We will all be right here beside you while you fight this."_**

**For once in his life Elliott has found the right words at the right time. **

**"Elliott is right. We will all see you through this and you are going to kick cancer in the ass." I channel my inner Elliott knowing that is really what he wanted to say.**

**Elliott punches me in the arm giving me a big smile, our version of a hug. I spend all evening with my siblings comforting my mom. As much as I want to go see Ana I know that this is where I need to be. Not until I get home late that night does reality hit me straight in the face. I could lose my mom. The woman that has been a strength to me for the last 23 years. I can't remember ever seeing my mom with the flu and now she will have to endure chemo, losing her hair and her strength, ultimately maybe even losing her life. What will we do without Grace Trevelyn –Grey keeping it all in order? It is late, but I need Ana. I pick up the phone and call her mom's house.**

_"Hello?" Carla answers._

**"Carla it's Christian. I am so sorry to call in the middle of the night, but I really need to speak to Ana. I wouldn't call unless it was important."**

_"Of course. Hold on Christian let me take the phone to her."_

**I hear her in the background waking Ana. I love sleepy Ana she is so beautiful. I wish I could reach through the phone and touch her. **

"Christian? Is everything okay?" I say in a sleepy voice. I am confused why he is calling me.

**I hear her voice and I just lose it. My voice cracks through my sobbing. I am both upset about the news of my mom's illness and the emotion of hearing Ana.**

**"My mom has cancer." I manage to make my words coherent. **

_"Oh my God! I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?" Grace is the rock of their family. I can only imagine what they are all going through. _

**"Ana I just need you to come home. Can you come home? I can't do this without you. I know you aren't ready. What if she dies? I can't lose you both. I won't survive if I lose you both."**

"You haven't lost me and you won't lose your mom."

**"I just feel so helpless."**

"I'm coming home. I won't let you do this alone. I need to be there for you and Grace. First thing in the morning I will see if when I can get a flight."

**"Would I be pushing too hard if I flew out and got you? I can leave right now and be there first thing in the morning."**

"Okay."

**"Seriously? You will let me come get you."**

"I want you to come get me. I want to come home Christian." I say through my tears. I won't be able to run to him, but he needs me and I know I have to go.

**"I love you Ana. I can't wait to hold you in my arms."**

"I love you too Christian. I'll see you in a few hours."

We hang up and I know there is no way I will be able to go back to sleep. I tell mom what is going on and she agrees that I made the right decision. We pack up all of my things. She makes some coffee and we spend the early morning hours discussing my hopes and fears. She thinks I am ready and from what I have told her about Christian she thinks he is too. I hope so. We have both worked on ourselves over the last few months, now it's time to work on us and there is a lot of work to do


	98. Chapter 98

**Kleenex Alert! I had an employee call in so I am working. I get to write since working means watching an empty building. YAY! I hope you enjoy this chapter. FYI: I saw Identity Thief on Friday with my girlfriends. LOVED IT! If you need a good laugh that tugs at your heartstrings you need to see this. Love Melissa McCarthy...Reviews please. Happy Reading!**

**Chapter 98**

**I hang up the phone and immediately get the jet ready for a flight east. Taylor drives me to Sea-Tac and within 2 hours of talking to Ana I am in the air. I lie down in the bedroom for the flight. As hyped up as I am about finally seeing her I am emotionally exhausted. I wake about an hour before we descend. Suddenly, I am beyond nervous. What if she doesn't feel the same way about me? What will I do if she changes her mind and won't come back to Seattle with me? Once we are on the ground I find a car waiting to drive me to Carla and Bob's house. As we pull up I sit for a few minutes to let the butterflies in my stomach settle. **

I see a car pull in the driveway. It is a black Lincoln and I know it has to be Christian. When he doesn't get out I am curious if he just sent the car to retrieve me. That is so uncharacteristic. Christian may drive me insane sometimes, but he is always a gentleman. Just as this thought cycles through my head the door opens and he steps out. My breath hitches. He is more handsome than I remember. My core immediately tightens. I want to run and jump into his arms and place kisses all over his face. I want to put my hands in his hair and I want to hear his voice whispering in my ear. A shiver runs through me just thinking about it. I grab the walker that I graduated to just after my first steps. I still have my wheel chair since my legs get tired quickly, but I want Christian to see my progress.

**The front door opens just as I reach my hand to the doorbell. I take a step back when I see Ana. She is standing, Ana is standing before me. I notice the walker she is holding onto, but it seems insignificant to the fact that she is standing on her legs. The tears well as I speak.**

**"You can walk?!"**

"Not well yet, but yes I can walk."

**"When? Why didn't you tell me?"**

"I just took my 1st steps unassisted a few days ago. I can only use the walker for short periods because my legs are not conditioned. I didn't tell you because I had every intention of coming home and surprising you by running into your arms. I can't quite do that. I just wanted you to see how hard I have been working."

**"Can I hug you?" I know I am still on shaky ground and I don't want to push too hard too fast. **

"Please!"

**I move toward her and wrap her up. Before I know it my desire takes over and I hoist her small frame over the walker cradling her in my arms. I bury my head in her hair taking in her scent.**

**"God I have missed you so much. I am finally home. You are my heart and my home."**

I just cry at the sound of his voice. I feel safe here in his arms and I know he too is my home. We hold on to each other for a long time. I don't want him to let me go. All the questions and fears can wait. For now I just want to enjoy this moment.

**"Are you ready? Do you need more time? We could have breakfast with your mom and Bob if you would like more time to say goodbye?"**

"No I spent most of the night saying my goodbyes to mom I am ready to go."

**I put her down as I found her and watch her maneuver the walker to the couch where she sits. I don't know why I am so amazed, Ana has been doing things to shock me since the day we met. That is why I fell in love with her. She is a fighter and I should have known this would be no different. I may have the outward appearance of strength and confidence, but it pales in comparison to her resilience. I have met my match, my rock, my someone. **

"I will need to take pack the walker. It folds and should fit in the trunk. If you don't mind I will use the chair now. My legs are really tired."

**"Of course you sit and rest while I get it all loaded and then we can go."**

**While I am loading she wheels outside to watch me. **

I don't him out of my sight. I can't believe I made it 3 months without seeing him or hearing his voice. How did I not go crazy? The absence has heightened everything I feel for him. I can see the stress in his face today and I know he is thinking of his mom. I get loaded in the car with very little assistance and I see Christian beam. He needs to know that I am still feisty Ana. My spirit is undamaged even though my body is still weak. It is strange that when I left he was so worried I wouldn't need him. The time away has taught us both that we need each other just not in the way we may have first thought. I think back to Pauline, her words ringing in my head. 'Love isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.' Christian and I have faced more challenges in the first 6 months than some couples face in a lifetime. I know I have grown up a lot. The next few months will determine our staying power. I determine here and now to look forward and not behind, be optimistic in all things and see the best in the man I love.

**I can tell Ana is deep in thought during our ride to the airport. A few months ago it would have bothered me that she was keeping her thoughts to herself and my insecurities would have kicked in. Not today. I am just happy to have her by my side. I know when she is ready she will tell me if something is bothering her. In New York she stressed communication. I won't try to read her mind, but make sure she knows I am here if she wants to talk. Today I am putting the past behind me. I want to be present today not worrying about tomorrow and the challenges it may bring. This woman has changed my life and I will spend every day showing her how grateful I am. We arrive at the airport and I get her chair. I stand back and let her have her independence. It is all I can do to not fuss over her, but I decide to wait. If she needs help she will ask. **

"Christian, I want to walk up the stairs, but I will need you to help support me."

**I don't hesitate. I guide her up. "I am so proud of you Ana." She just smiles and I know she is proud of herself too. We enter and she walks with my assistance to her seat. "Are you hungry?"**

"I am starving. All of this walking really works up an appetite."

**"You know how much I love to hear that." We both laugh. **

"Good to know you haven't totally changed."

**"Oh don't worry I'm still Christian Grey arrogant, controlling, brooding and withdrawn. He seems to make less appearances lately."**

"I've missed you, all of you. I won't lie and say I am glad to hear that you have found your calmer optimistic side while I was gone."

**"And who would have told you all of this?" I know it was Mia.**

"I'm sure it isn't hard for you to guess."

**"Seems you have been keeping tabs on me? I have rubbed off on you. Have been channeling your inner Christian? Should I be offended that you are stalking me?" I say in a teasing tone.**

"I couldn't help myself. I guess I am a little obsessed with you. From what I hear you have been in touch with your inner Ana, spending time with family, being affectionate and working less. Wow! That is very impressive Mr. Grey."

**"I aim to please Miss Steele." I lean over and kiss her lips softly. She places her hands in my hair and I immediately get hard. It has been way too long. I let her take the lead. I want her badly, but I want her to be ready. She slips her tongue between my lips and just like that we are in sync. **

"Please make love to me?"

**She doesn't have to ask twice. I pick her up and carry her straight to the bedroom. I put my ipod in the central dock and hit play. I lay her on the bed and strip off her jeans. We haven't been intimate since before the accident. I only hope I can contain my desire. I want to go slow, reminding her how beautiful and loved she is. Once I have her undressed I stand back taking off my clothes.**

**"God Ana you are more beautiful than I remember." She blushes. I love my words alone can fluster her. Once I am undressed I climb over her. I take her mouth in mine and we dance while Stay by Rhianna plays in the background.**

_All along it was a fever_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer_

_I threw my hands in the air, said show me something, He said, if you dare come a little closer_

_Round and around and around and around we go. Ohhhh ohhhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know._

My body instantly responds as he hovers over me. I can hear the lyrics in the background. I love this song, it always reminds me of Christian. I hadn't shared it with him, so I am surprised he even knows it. He moves from my lips to my neck and then slowly down to my breasts. I am eagerly anticipating his every move my body aching for more. He takes a nipple in his mouth and I moan loudly urging him on.

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move _

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_It takes me all the way I want you to stay_

**I have missed her so much I assault each of her breast knowing I could make her come. Just as she starts to rise I quit. I move to her stomach and she lets out an ARRRGH! I know she wanted me to let her feel all of the pleasure, but I want to slow this down. I reach her hips and kiss each bone. She wiggles under me so I grab her hips to keep her still. Her hands are in my hair. **

_It's not much of a life you're living_

_It's not just something you take, it's given_

_Round and around and around and around we go_

_Oohhhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it_

_Something in the way you move _

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you _

_It takes me all the way I want you to stay_

His hands hold my hips in place as he moves across my pubic bone. I feel like I may implode. His hands are healing. I ache for him and yet my body feels like it is coming home. He moves to my feet. I never would have appreciated this gesture as much before, but he kisses every inch of the my feet and legs. Feeling the sensations prove too much. I start to cry. I never thought I would feel any of this again and I can't contain my emotions.

_Ooohh the reason I hold on _

_Ooh cause I need this hole gone_

_Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one needed saving_

_Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

_Not really sure how I feel about it_

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you_

_It takes me all the way_

_I want you to stay..! Stay…I want you to stay ooooh!_

**I see the tears running down her face and my eyes fill. As I kiss her legs my own tears fall. This is emotional for us both. She can feel my lips and I am just overwhelmed being able to kiss her skin, giving her this moment. Our souls are connected. No one has ever touched me like Ana. I know this is a once in a lifetime love. I move back to her face kissing away her tears. She touches my face gently, her eyes tell me how much this means as she pulls me to her lips. Neither of notice the change in the music, we are so in tune nothing could break this bond. I slide into her not being about to resists any longer. **

**"Oh Ana. I love you!" I move slow letting us both feel every sensation. Her head falls back exposing her neck. I plant kisses all over it. I pick up the pace a little.**

"God Christian. I've missed you so much!" My body releases and the pleasure rolls and rolls. My eyes never leave his as he let's go. I know it could never be like this with anyone else. We are more than lovers. The connection is holy. I just lie in his arms for most of the trip. Just before our descent I clean up and get dressed. It takes longer than it used to , but Christian gives me space letting me go this on my own and I appreciate it. We make our way back to our seats before landing.

"I want to see your mom today. Can we go as soon as we land?"

**"We can do whatever you want. I know she would love to see you."**

**I kiss her cheek and hold her hand while we land. Once we are on the ground all I feel is complete. Ana is home. **


	99. Chapter 99

**Thanks as always for the reviews. Welcome to the newest followers. Please continue with your feedback. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 99

As soon as we land we are off to Bellevue. I am nervous to see Grace. I have no idea what I am going to say. Christian pulls into the driveway and brings my chair around. I get in and wheel myself following him to the door. Before he knocks he leans down and kisses me.

**"I'm so glad you are home."**

"Me too!"

Grace opens the door and I immediately start crying. I am a mixture of emotions. I am so happy to see her, but then I think of the battle she is fighting. She is the strongest person I know and I am sure she will make it through this.

_"Ana! When did you get back?"_

"Just now. Christian came and got me from my mom's."

_"And you came to see me first?" She looks puzzled._

"Grace I am so sorry. Christian told me."

_"Come in. No reason to be in the rain."_

We go inside to the family room."

_"Did Christian drag you back here because I am sick?"_

"No I chose to come back. I wanted to be here for all of you."

_"Whatever your reasons it is good to have you home. I know Christian agrees." She kisses my cheek and I start to cry. "Ana are you okay?"_

"How can you be so calm?" Christian holds my hand. "I don't want to lose you. I have been gone so long, and missed out on so much time and now I may lose you. We may all lose you. Aren't you scared?"

_"I am terrified, but dwelling on it won't change anything. This disease may take my life, but it won't take my spirit too."_

"I love you Grace, you are like a mom to me and please know you can lean on me and Christian for whatever you need. I promise not to be a blubbering mess all the time."

_"I consider you one of my children, Ana and you can show whatever emotion you need to. Now let's not talk about me. I want to hear all about your time in Georgia." _

Just like Grace to take the focus off of herself and ease all of our minds. The next couple of hours I talk about all of my hard work. I even show her and Christian how I can take a few steps on my own. Of course Grace is very excited. She goes on and on about all of my progress. She recommends the best physical therapist in the city and I promise to call tomorrow to set an appointment. I am determined to walk by summer. Christian and I leave to let Grace rest. She will be starting chemo next week. I plan on talking to Mia about each of us taking turns going with her. I am staring out the window trying to imagine Grace without her beautiful hair. I can only imagine how Christian is going to freak out when his mom starts getting weaker.

**"Are you okay Ana?"**

"Fine why?"

**"You seems a million miles away."**

"I was just thinking that I need to talk to Mia about taking your mom to her chemo appointments."

**"I think she would like that. Thanks Ana for being here for all of us."**

"I love them, your family is my family too." I smile and hold his hand.

**"You mentioned to mom that you were writing a book? Can you tell me about it?"**

"It really is nothing. I just found writing a good escape while I was away."

**"How much have you written?"**

"I finished the first book."

**"The first book? How many are there?"**

"I'm not sure yet 2 maybe 3."

**"What is it about?"**

"Nothing that would interest you."

**"Why would you say that?"**

"It's a romance, Christian. A girl's book. I am sure it would bore you to tears."

**"I may surprise you. I quite liked Jane Eyre."**

"You've read Jane Eyre? When?"

**"I read Jane Eyre, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Madame Bovary among others."**

I sit staring at him. "Who are you and what have you done with Christian "all business" Grey?"

**"That shocking?"**

"Uh yeah!"

**"After you left I was trying to keep my stalking tendencies under control. I wanted to be close to you and I knew if I chased you across the nation it would just push you further away. So I decided to do the things that you love. I ate lots of burgers, drank lots of beer, drove Bernice and read the classics."**

"You're serious?"

**"Yes. Dead serious."**

"I can't believe you drove Bernice. You despise that car."

**"Yeah, I still don't really care for her, but you love her and I love you."**

"Did all of that help keep me close?"

**"It did and I quite enjoyed all of it. I had only intended to read one book, but I really liked them. It was easy to escape while reading. I got a better understanding of why you love it so much. I escape in business and you in books. I guess we both have our coping mechanisms."**

"True, that is why I love to read."

**"So are you going to let me read your book?"**

"I guess, but you have to be brutally honest. I don't want you to just tell me what I want to hear."

**"Have I ever done that?"**

"You make a good point."

**"Now that is settled. What do you want to do for dinner?"**

"Could we just order a pizza? I really just want a hot bath and get into my jammies."

**"Pizza it is."**

I go straight to the bathroom and run a bath. I will have to get used to maneuvering around this apartment again. Christian is still giving me my space. This should make the talk tonight a little easier. I get in the tub just fine. Getting out proves difficult. My limbs are relaxed and this tub is much deeper than my mom's. I have learned to always have my phone with me just in case. I send Christian a text.

I NEED HELP

He must have sprinted because the door surges open almost immediately after I push send.

**"Are you okay?"**

He is out of breath. I can't help, but laugh. "I'm fine, I just need help getting out. I forgot how deep this tub was."

**"I'm glad this is so funny to you."**

He sounds irritated. "I'm sorry I just forgot how overly dramatic you could be."

**"Dramatic? You think I'm being dramatic? You know how much I worry about your safety. You text that you need help, what did you expect me to do?"**

"You're right. I should have expounded. Now can you help me out? I just need you to stand me up and hoist me out. I can do the rest."

He does as I ask and then leaves the room. I can tell he is still irritated. I was a little harsh with him. He can't change who he is no matter how hard he tries and honestly I don't want him to. We will just have to find a way to communicate again. This is partially my fault. I pushed him out and now we are at square one. We eat pizza and Christian is obviously brooding. Funny I find brooding Christian so adorable. I just smirk at him and finish my pizza letting him feel sorry for himself. After we are finished I decide I need to bite the bullet.

"Can we talk?"

**"I'm listening."**

This may be harder than I thought. "First I want to apologize for giving you a hard time earlier. It is too soon. I will be more sensitive. While we are at it, I want to talk to you about how this is going to go?"

**"What is going to go?"**

"Me being home. We have a lot to work on. I know that we have each made huge strides, but together we have a lot to learn. Like I need to remember to be more sensitive to your concern for my safety and you need to work on not snapping at me when I irritate you. As much as I have missed you I don't want to fall back into old habits. I want this to work this time. I fear that if we can't get it together we never will and we will continue to repeat the same mistakes. I push you pull away then I run. We each have equal responsibility. I am scared. I want this to work."

**"I do too. Can we go back to Flynn? He has helped me since you have been gone. When we were seeing him regularly we were doing better. After the accident we stopped seeing him and I stopped communicating. I need you to do this for me. We won't fail, Ana, we can't."**

I see the desperation in his eyes. "I think you are right, Flynn always sets us right." I kiss his cheek and smile. "I love you Christian."

**"I love you Ana."**

**I will do whatever it takes to keep her from running again. I've let her take the lead for 3 months. If she needs it a little longer to prove my staying power then so be it. Like I said, whatever it takes. **


	100. Chapter 100

This is not the end of this story. I will keep going and give you warning when I intend to end it. Thanks fo reading. I hope this meets everyones expectations. I do want to express how proud I am to be a Texan today. Chris Kyle was laid to rest and my fellow Texans showed him great respect by braving the cold and rain to line the 200 mile procession with people and American flags. If you don't know this story please look it up. He and another Marine were killed trying to help a fellow Marine that was suffering from PTSD that was from the same town that they grew up in. We may not undestand his logic for taking him to the gun range, but there is no denying these 2 men had a heart for our country and our veterans. RIP Chris Kyle and Chad Littlefield!

Chapter 100

I go back to work the very next day. I want to get in a routine again it will help Christian and I fall back into regular life. It feels good to know that neither Elena nor Stephen will be any threat. I wonder how Christian is dealing with Elena's death. I can imagine it was harder on him than he will admit to me. I finally told my mom about the horrible things that Stephen did to me. Like any good mom she felt horribly guilty for not protecting me better. Just like Christian kept his secret with Elena from Grace, I hid it from her and took all of her options away. Luckily she could tell I didn't want to relieve every detail so she eventually dropped it allowing me some peace. I know I need to face him again, just not yet. I want to get settled again in Seattle before I turn my world on its head. I need to concentrate on my relationship with Christian and not dwell any longer on past events, at least until we are stronger.

Maggie greets me with open arms. We have conversed regularly over the months and as bad as I feel for bailing on her, I kept up with my work. In fact, I was more efficient without all of the distractions. She knows I have been writing and she promised to read it soon. I give her a thumb drive containing my manuscript. My stomach is in knots. It has been my baby for months and now I am turning it over to critical eyes. What if she hates it, I think to myself. I can't keep it a secret forever. It's now or never.

_"Ana I promise not to pick it to pieces."_

"No Maggie, I need you to. If I ever want to be a serious writer I need to get used to the editing process. Hell I butcher other writer's work all the time. I know what to expect. Just give it to me straight."

_"Okay. I'll start it tonight. Now Mark and I are eager to take you to lunch what do you say?"_

"I would love that. Let me get some emails answered and phone calls made and then we can head out."

I sit at my desk, removing the desk chair and replacing it with my quickie chair. Opening my email there are a few from authors and I quickly address their questions and concerns. I notice one from Christian that was sent last night. I don't remember him leaving bed, but I was sleeping rather soundly.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject: **Our Talk

**Date: **March 4, 2013

**To: **Anastasia Steele

I am sorry for my mood. I know you are right we have a lot to work on. I can't think of anyone else I would rather work on it with and I am just so happy to have you back. Whatever challenges present themselves I want to promise each other to give us a fighting chance. No more pushing away. Let's just talk it through. Obviously, I didn't succeed in this tonight. I find it easier sometimes to write my feelings. Thanks to Flynn I have 5 journals full of feelings and thoughts from when you were gone. Writing wasn't just your therapy. I love you Ana, more than ever.

Christian

Trying, CEO Grey Enterprise Holding, Inc.

It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts. He can be so impossible on minute and so perfect the next. I am confused as to how this should play out. I want us to communicate, but I don't want to lose our passion or even stubbornness along the way. We challenge each other and that is why we are always so drawn to one another. How do achieve both? I don't want him just to say 'yes dear' nor do I want to turn into a sub, allowing him full control over me. This has got to be a balance and hopefully John can help us find it. I just send a short email. I would much rather talk to him in person.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Speechless

**Date: **March 5, 2013

**To: **Christian Grey

Thank you for the email. All I want is for you to try to open up to me. We can talk tonight. I love you too.

Ana

Hopeful, Assistant Editor Williams Publishing

Lunch with Maggie and Mark doesn't disappoint. We talk business, kids, love and life. They are amazing together as always and I feel hopeful from Christian's email today that we will make it here one day. We have glimpses of this kind of relationship, when life isn't throwing challenges at our heads. We just have to find a way to not let the detours derail us. This is always easier said than done. Back at the office there is a envelope on my desk. It isn't Christian's handwriting and I am curious who it could be from. Was it here earlier and I just didn't notice. I open it and the blood drains from my face.

_Don't think you will ever change him completely. Christian has needs that have to be met. You will never be able to escape them or me._

_Elena_

My hands are shaking. I know I can't show the note to anyone other than Christian without raising suspicion. She is dead. How in the hell did she get this to me. Who is helping spread Elena's venom now? I pick up the phone and dial. His cell goes to voicemail. I leave a quick message to call me. Then I call Andrea.

"Is Christian available?"

_"No Ana. He is stuck in a meeting. Can I help you?"_

"No could you have him call me as soon as he gets out. It is important."

_"Do I need to get him now? You sound upset. Mr. Grey would want me to interrupt."_

"No need just tell him to call me."

_"Okay Ana and welcome home. Mr. Grey seems very happy now that you are back."_

"Thanks it is good to be back."

We hang up and I revel in the fact that Christian's employees are seeing another side of him. Then I catch a glimpse of the note and bile rises in my throat. I sit paralyzed in thought. My trance is interrupted when my cell rings displaying Christian's name.

"Hello." I answer my voice shaky.

**"Ana what's wrong? Andrea came and got me. She said you sounded upset."**

"I'm sorry I asked her not to disturb you. It could have waited."

**"Nonsense, by the sound of your voice something has you on edge. What is going on?"**

"I got back from lunch and there was a note on my desk."

**"A note? Who was it from?"**

"I thought it was from you." My voice is almost catatonic.

**"Damn it Ana, I need you to snap out of it and tell me who it was from." She is scaring the shit out of me. I have never heard her this way.**

His voice shakes me out of my daze. "It's from Elena. The note is from Elena."

**"That's impossible she is dead. Stay on the line with me. I am getting Taylor and we are headed your way. Can you tell me what it says?"**

I read the note and barely notice the tears flowing.

**"Where is Luke? Did he see anything?"**

"He was with me, Maggie and Mark at lunch. The note was here when I returned. No one saw anything, it was just here."

**"Taylor is calling Luke to come inside. I don't want you to be alone right now."**

A few seconds later Luke opens the door and comes to my side. I hand him the note and he reads it as shocked as I am. I know I can share it with Luke. All of Christian's security is briefed on Christian's BDSM lifestyle. Luke touches my shoulder to try to reassure me that everything is okay. I am still on the line with Christian. He is barking orders at Taylor. I can tell he is scared because his alter-ego is taking over. At this moment it is comforting to hear him taking charge.

"If this is a joke, Christian it is sick. This is a sick sadistic joke."

**"Ana stay calm. I will get to the bottom of this. I promise."**

I can't tell if he is trying to convince me or himself. We stay on the line together until he finally arrives. Right now I want to jump into his arms. It is so frustrating to be stuck in this damn chair. He comes straight to me, drops to his knees and cradles me in his arms. I finally lose it. I can't help it. I just sob uncontrollably. I want to hold it together, but I can't. Maggie comes out of her office.

_"Ana are you oaky? What's wrong?"_

Christian speaks for me.

**"Someone is trying to play a cruel joke on Ana. She just got upset and called me. Everything will be fine. Can I take her home Maggie?"**

_"Absolutely, please take care Ana. Call me later and fill me in."_

I just nod. Christian picks me up out of my chair and I bury my head in his neck. The tears refuse to stop. Taylor and Luke follow closely behind in my car.

**"Ana can you hand me the note?"**

I look down realizing I have been holding it in a death grip the entire time. I practically throw it at him. He retrieves it with one hand while driving with the other. After opening it he looks my direction something bothering him.

"What is it? What is wrong?"

**"This is Elena's writing. It's not possible. I saw her body at the morgue, I watched as they put her in the ground."**

"You went to her funeral?"

**"Yes." **

He refuses to look at me. "I was still in Seattle? Was that during the time you refused to speak to me?" I am trying hard not to sound irritated. I am more hurt that he didn't discuss it with me before he went. Honestly, I understand that he needed closure. I just wish he had felt like he could talk to me.

**"She tried to kill you Ana. How was I supposed to tell you I wanted to go to her funeral? It would have hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you."**

"Christian as admirable as that is this hurts worse. The fact that you didn't trust me with your feelings is way more painful than knowing you wanted to pay respects to Elena. This is exactly what I was talking about last night. You can't shut me out to protect me. Sure it would have hurt and I may have fought you a little, but we would have worked it out. I want us to feel like we can work through it instead of avoiding things all together."

**"Like you just leaving? You didn't try to work anything out. You just ran away without a word."**

He makes a good point. The time away is what I needed, but I didn't discuss it with him. I just did what was right in my own eyes. "You're right. We both are guilty. I guess we need Flynn more than we realized."

**"We have an appointment Thursday. In the meantime I need to get to the bottom of this Ana. Someone is playing with you and they are going to pay."**

Back at Escala I ask Christian if he minds if I spend some time in the library. I really need to escape right now. I know he will be like a dog with a bone trying to find the culprit and I am content at leaving him to it. He smiles just shaking his head. I notice he is right behind me as I make my way to my retreat. He must be going to his office. I open the door and my mouth drops open.

"Christian!" He is still behind me.

**"You like it? I had a little time on my hands while you were gone. I turned Mia and Kate loose with my credit card."**

"It is perfect." I notice the chairs I bought in San Francisco and painting from Bainbridge Island. Everything else is exactly the way I wanted, very shabby chic and girly. It's the perfect place to get lost in romance. "Thank you so much I love it."

**"Good. Now go in and relax. I'll be in my office." I love seeing her happy. **

After a few hours of reading I find that I am hungry. I make my way to the kitchen where Gail is already making dinner. I will have to get used to be served again.

_"Hi, Ana it is good to have you back. Mr. Grey has missed you and so have we."_

"It is good to see you too Gail. How has he been? Did he make life unbearable while I was gone?"

_"Surprisingly he was great. He was friendly and warm. It took some getting used to. I think he just missed your light and he decided to create his own. He's changed. This is not that man that hired me 4 years ago."_

"Thank you Gail. I needed to hear that today."

I sit and talk with her as she makes dinner. Christian joins us just as it is complete. He thanks Gail, using her first name. I can't contain my smile. We eat and discuss what he has found out about the note, which isn't much. I try to ignore the gnawing in my gut. I find that I am exhausted after dinner and excuse myself to bed. Christian kisses me softly promising to follow shortly. Amazingly I fall asleep fast, it doesn't last long. I wake up in a cold sweat after seeing Elena hovering over me at the bottom of the stairs on that fateful day. Christian is lying peacefully beside me. I try to go back to sleep with no luck. I am careful not to disturb him as I use my walker to leave the room. I start to make my way to the library, but when I pass the playroom's locked door I stop. Do I want to go in there? I go to Christian's office and find the key. He told me the code when he added that feature. I think hard trying a few combinations before it finally unlocks. I close the door behind me and turn the light on. My breathing starts to speed up remembering the last time I was in this room. I have had many panic attacks over the last few months and I have learned how to breathe and force myself to relax to keep them at bay. I won't let this beat me. I walk around the room. Opening drawers trying to figure out what all of these contraptions are used for. Some are obvious and others I wouldn't even know where to begin. I notice a closet like door and decide to see what is in it. It is practically empty, but I notice a safe hidden in the back. Do I really want to know what is in there? I feel like I am betraying Christian by being in here. If I walk out would he show it to me if I asked? I make a decision I might regret. Trying a few combinations it won't budge. Then I try to think like Christian. I type in the month and day of my birthday and then the month and day of his birthday. It clicks and opens. I just stare into it for a few minutes still hesitant if I really want to see its contents. Reaching in there are 2 envelopes. I open the first one. It is full of pictures, pictures of Christian's subs in various positions. The photos are obviously erotic and I can't help but wonder if Christian finds himself in here remembering each of them. They are all brunette and look weirdly similar to me. I feel like a voyeur. These were not meant for my eyes and I can't help but feel a little betrayed. This is silly. This was his life before me it had nothing to do with what we have. I place the pictures back in the envelope and reach for the second one. It is DVD's. Oh God! Do I want to see this? Part of me wants to throw it back into the safe and get out of here. There is another part that is curious. Christian has never really shared this lifestyle with me. I am not even sure what it is that he enjoyed about it other than the beatings we have discussed. All of those devices in the drawers there must be other things, what if he misses these things. How can I possible fulfill his desires unless I know what they are? I look around and luck out in finding a small portable DVD player. I make sure the door is shut and I push play. What I see takes me by complete surprise.

Christian is obviously holding the camera. There is a girl, Leila is her name or that is what he calls her. His voice is cold and authoritative. She never looks at him her eyes are on the floor. She is naked sitting on her knees with her hands on her thighs. She calls him sir. He tells her what he is going to do and she immediately obeys. My mind is racing. As the encounter continues he is obviously receiving pleasure, but it is different than what I am used to. He praises her for her obedience, but he never declares his love like he does with me. I wish I could see his face. Christian's eyes have always given his emotions away. Does he love her? Is this just a game? What is he feeling? I want to turn away and yet I can't. He beats Leila with a belt, similar to how he beat me. She takes it and when he is done he rubs ointment on her red skin. He seems to care for her. Once he is satisfied that her skin is soothed he fucks her and I mean fucks her. He told me he liked to fuck and fuck hard. Here is the proof. She comes undone as I have done many times. Her eyes look to the camera and it is obvious that she is in love with him. The look doesn't last long and she is back into her submissive trance. If I could just see his eyes, I want to know if he feels what I saw in her? I don't know why it matters, but it does. If he loved this girl, any of these girls then what he has told me is a lie. I am not the only person he has ever felt this way with. Christian has never lied to me why is this bothering me? I know it is the note. What if she's right? I can't be these girls. I will never give him what he needs. I put the DVD and the player away. The safe closes locking away the old Christian, for now. I can't internalize this. We see Flynn on Thursday and I will bring it up then. I make it back to bed without disturbing Christian. I just stare at him all night praying that Elena isn't right. Praying and pleading with God to make me enough.


	101. Chapter 101

I know the last chapter threw some for a loop. I don't think Ana wanted to watch the video I just think her curiosty got the best of her and once it was on she couldn't tale her eyes away. Let me know if I redeemed myself. This is a real part of Christian's past and they need to deal with it. Thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 101

When the sun rises I get up not able to stay in the bed one more second. I get in the shower. I would like to wash my brain. This is partially my fault. Why did I watch that? I couldn't turn it off. I just sat there torturing myself. I stand under the faucet letting the hot water cleanse me. After I am satisfied I use my walker to get back into the bedroom. On a bright note my legs seem to be getting stronger. Christian is in the closet and there are suitcases on the bed.

"Are we going somewhere?"

**"Someone was in the house last night. We are leaving until Taylor can figure out who it was."**

"How do you know someone was here?" I think back and don't recall seeing or hearing anything unusual.

**"Someone was in the playroom and safe."**

How the hell does he know that? Shit! No one was here it was me. How do I tell him I was the one snooping around? He will want to know what I found. I was hoping to have John as a buffer for this conversation.

"How do you know that?"

**"There are sensors on the locks. It alerts the security room. Now get dressed we need to leave."**

Of course it has sensors how stupid could I be. "We aren't going anywhere."

**"Ana please don't start. I don't want to argue with you. After yesterday I would think you wouldn't fight me on this."**

"No one was here." I look to the floor. "It was me. I was in the playroom and the safe."

**"Oh." I can't for the life of me figure out why she would go in there. It is bad enough that she was in the playroom, but the safe too. God I hope she didn't go through it. "Why would you want to go in there?"**

"I wasn't planning on it. I couldn't sleep and I was going to the library. I passed by the playroom door and the note was echoing in my head. I just needed to see what you gave up for me."

**"Ana I would have gone with you. We could have gone through it together. I would have answered any questions you have."**

"I know, I'm sorry, once I was in there I just got carried away. I saw that closet and I was curious."

**"Did you go through the safe?"**

"Yes. I saw the pictures. Why do they all look like me? It is a little creepy how much a like we all look."

**How do I tell her that they all, including her resemble my birth mother. It is going to sound so creepy saying it aloud. "Um I guess you could say I have a preference. I like brunettes with long hair and pale skin."**

"Okay. Is that why you are attracted to me? I remind you of them?"

**"That is why I was initially attracted to you. That isn't why I love you."**

"I saw one of the videos, the one with Leila. Why do you have those pictures and videos?"

**"Ana I am so sorry. I honestly forgot about them. I haven't even been in that room since Elena hurt you the first time."**

"Why do you have them? Did you watch them?"

**"No I haven't looked at them ever. I took the pictures and the videos as insurance."**

"I thought they signed an NDA and wouldn't a video out you?"

**"Yes they did sign an NDA, but I can never be too careful, the videos where only to be released if my reputation was already in jeopardy. Come with me."**

I follow him in my chair since I can move faster this way. He opens the playroom door and goes straight to the closet. I stay in the room, my chair won't fit easily through the door. He the safe and takes out the envelopes.

**"Ana these mean nothing to me. I want you to watch me destroy them." I take a lighter out of one of the drawers and get the waste basket. I set each envelope on fire tossing it in the waste basket and letting the flames consume them. **

"What if you need them? You don't have insurance now."

**"I don't need insurance. I don't care if the world wants to judge me for my past, as long as you still want to be my future. Now we are going to clean out all of the drawers. I want this room empty of everything before we leave."**

He takes a trash bag and empties everything drawer. "What if I wanted to try some of those?"

**"We will discuss that when the time comes and then we will shop for new ones together. I don't want any of this to haunt you."**

"She loved you."

**"Who?"**

"Leila. It was in her eyes during that video. Did you love her Christian? Did you love any of them?"

**"God Ana!" I fall to my knees taking her hands into mine and looking her straight in her eyes. "I wasn't lying when I told you I didn't know how to love before you. I cared for them. I took care of them, but no I absolutely did not love them. I wish you had never seen that. I must have seemed like a monster to you."**

"It was definitely not what I expected. It killed me to see you with another woman. I could tell it was different, you were different with me. I just worry. What if she is right? What if I'm not enough?"

**"Ana look at me. I have never and I mean never wanted anyone the way I want you. I love you so much it is hard to breathe in your presence. I love you so much my chest has a dull ache when I am away from you. I love you so much I would literally lay down my life for you. I don't miss what you saw. There are things that I think you will enjoy that used to be part of my life, but I don't want a sub, I want you, all of you and only you. Please don't ever think you are not enough. You are my life!"**

His confession moves me to tears. I am angry at Elena. Even dead she can put doubts in my head. She is dead and this needs to be dead to me. I was just saying how I wasn't going to let the past trip me up anymore. Christian has done so many things in such a short time to prove his love and I keep letting the doubts creep in. I have to stop. It stops today!

"Christian can I ask you to do something for me?"

**"Anything."**

"Can we redesign this room? I don't mind it being a playroom. I think I would like to try a few things, but I don't want to do it in a room that you have memories of other women in."

**"That is a reasonable request. I will have a contractor start gutting this place tomorrow. Right now I want to take you somewhere. Do you feel up to it?"**

"I probably should go to work. I swear Maggie is going to get tired of my drama and fire me."

**"Maggie adores you and I have on good faith that you have talent the likes she has never seen before."**

"She said that?"

**"She told me that when I was trying to hunt you down in New York."**

"Really?"

**"Yep. I promise to have you there by lunch and you can work a half day or even work later tonight. I really feel like it is important that we do this now."**

"Okay."

We leave Taylor and Luke behind. This surprises me. We take the R8 and end up on a ferry to the San Juan Islands. I am so curious what we are doing, but I choose to let Christian have his fun. The ferry docks at Orcas Island and we get back in the car. Christian drives Deer Harbor and turns off onto a dirt road. There he stops.

"What are we doing?"

**"Do you like it?"**

I look out at the piece of property before me. It is beautiful, 10 or so wooded acres that slopes toward the ocean. The view is spectacular.

"It's beautiful."

**"It is ours."**

"What do you mean it is ours?"

**"I bought it around your birthday and I wanted to surprise you with it at Christmas. I knew today was the day. I want to build a house here with you. I want to raise children here with you. I want to spend the rest of my life right here Ana, with you."**

"Christian! Me too! Thank you so much."

**"This island has enough life that we won't feel disconnected, but it is secluded enough to live a more private life. I can build a landing pad for Charlie Tango so if we need to get to the city quickly we can. This will let us have the best of both worlds."**

"I love it thank you. I wish I could walk it with you."

**"There is plenty of time for that. Let's just sit here a while and dream."**

We do just that and I decide work can wait.


	102. Chapter 102

Please keep your reviews constructive. I know you are not always going to agree with my writing. I'm okay with that. I know this chapter is going to have a lot of people up in arms. Here's the way I see Ana - she is forgiving, but not a push over. My Christian is less controlling but they need to work through his past. No woman I know would have just accepted it like Ana did in the books. Reviews definitely encouraged. I want to work through the personal drama before the wedding forgive me.

Chapter 102

The next morning we keep our appointment with Flynn. As relieved as I am with Christian's declarations yesterday I just can't get it all out of my mind. I am hopeful that Flynn can help me get some answers without Christian being able to divert me with his words of devotion.

_"Ana it is good to have you back." Flynn says _

"Thanks." I say. I am very nervous today. It has been a long time since Christian and I have been in joint sessions.

_"Is there anything in particular you would like to discuss today? Have you been able to communicate properly since Ana's return?_

I go first. "I got a nasty note from Elena on Tuesday.

_"Ana Elena is dead. How is that possible?"_

**"She's not crazy Flynn, I saw it. It was Elena's handwriting. I have my people working on its source."**

_"Okay, that was not what I was expecting this morning. What exactly did it say?"_

I let Christian explain its contents. It still has me on edge, coupled with my recent experience in the playroom I am still not sure how I feel about the whole thing. Christian is trying to reassure me, but there are some things that can't just be compartmentalized and discarded. I sure hope John can help me rationalize my emotions as well as Christian's actions.

_"Ana? Is there anything you want to add?"_

"I went in the playroom."

_"This was the first time since the assault by Elena?"_

"Yes."

_"Was it the note that made you go back in there?"_

"Yes."

_"Can you tell me how you felt when you entered?"_

"I almost had an anxiety attack."

**"Ana. You didn't tell me that."**

"I have learned over the last few months how to control them most of the time. I was successful at getting it under control." Christian places my hand in his.

_"Go on. Once the attack was under control what did you do."_

I detail my movements in the playroom. I explain my feelings about the items in the safe and how I discussed it with Christian and his reaction.

_"It seems like you are doing a good job in the communication department."_

"I am still a little confused by some things." Christian tenses. I know he is trying to figure what I am going to say. "Christian mentioned to me that he went to Elena's funeral. He didn't discuss this with me at all. I am hurt by the fact that he would want to go, she tried to kill me. She was actually going to have Christian kill me. How I am not sure, but I make a habit to not question a psychopath."

**"You never told me she said that. She thought I would hurt you? She really was delusional, more so than I realized."**

_"Ana. I will take some blame for Christian going to the funeral. You were in the hospital. He wanted to discuss the mixed emotions he was dealing with about Elena and he called me. I encouraged him to go."_

"You what?" Am I hearing him correctly? Flynn 'encouraged' Christian to go to his abuser and my would be killer's funeral? This is so much more than writing a letter to express feelings.

"Did you give her eulogy too?" I stare at Christian.

**"Ana please. Of course I didn't. I came late and left early standing in the back. No one even knew I was there."**

I don't know why this hurts now. I thought I understood. I put it all out of my mind telling myself it was his to deal with. She was his problem, his past and he could deal with it however he pleased. Yet now I feel betrayed like he loved her more than he realized. Does he miss her now? I want to ask him, but what would it solve? She is dead, he's had almost 4 months to cope, grieve, deal…whatever it is he had to do. This is not the thing that is bothering me most, I need to move past for now. This will be a conversation I have in a session with John alone. I would like to hear his explanation.

"Why do we all look alike?" I switch gears quickly taking them both off guard.

_"Who looks alike?" Flynn asks._

"Me and Christian's subs, he told me it was because he has a type. I saw the pictures. That is not a type. Hell Charlotte and I could be sisters. It's a little weird." Christian fidgets in his seat. I sense I have hit a nerve.

_"Christian I think you should address this question."_

**"Um….well…I really don't know how to explain it."**

_"Just be honest."_

**"Ana you know the story about my mother. You understand the neglect and physical abuse that I suffered as a child." She nods and I continue. "You also know the extent of my relationship with Elena and why I was so taken with the BDSM lifestyle. It gave me control in a world that I saw as chaotic." She doesn't flinch and I roll on. "You experienced a beating at my hands. This was something that was standard practice with my subs. There are many facets of the lifestyle, fetishes so to speak. Mine was inflicting pain. Other than Elena I have always been with brunettes. This is not by accident." Her eyes widen and I know she is putting it all together and my heart plummets.**

"You used your subs as stand in's for your birth mother." It is not a question. The revelation floors me. I instantly feel sick to my stomach. This is sick and twisted. I am a replacement for his mother somehow? I jerk my hand away and knot my figures looking at the wall. If I look at him I may vomit.

**"Ana please. Look at me. Please Ana." She keeps her gaze set on the wall above John's head not moving or saying a word.**

_"Christian why don't you step out and give Ana some time?"_

He gets up and the door closes.

_"Ana can you tell me what you are thinking?"_

"What am I thinking? I am thinking I want to vomit. I am thinking how can he say he loves me? I am a replacement for a dead woman, his mother for God's sake. This is twisted on so many levels John. Please try to rationalize it because I can't."

_"Ana I don't think you are a replacement for Christian's mother. I really don't feel like the other girls were either. Christian does find brunettes attractive. Yes that does probably stem from his childhood. Grace is also a brunette. Two influential women in Christian's lives had brown hair. Elena is the one that twisted Christian's anger toward his birth mother in a sexual manner. If Christian had not been introduced to BDSM I don't feel that he would have ever made the association at all. He was a troubled teen, yes, but he wasn't going around beating up brunette girls. He does love you Ana, not because you remind him of his birth mother or are somehow a replacement. He loves you for who you are. The initial attraction would have worn off just as it eventually did with the others if there wasn't something special about you."_

"How do I look at him? How do I trust that it is me that he wants and what you say is true?"

_"That is something you and Christian need to work through. I hate that we are just now having this conversation. You both are so invested and I fear that if you can't get past it you will lose everything you have built. You have to ask yourself if you trust him. Do you think this is a deal breaker? I am going to bring Christian back in. Are you okay with that?"_

"Yes."

Christian comes in and sits down. I scoot as far away as possible. I want him to explain. I heard what Flynn's professional opinion is now I need to hear Christian's explanation.

_"Christian can you explain how you felt about your subs to Ana?"_

**"They were a means to an end. I found them attractive of course, their welfare was important to me, but I never went beyond what the contract stated. "**

_"How does this compare to what you feel for Ana?"_

**"It is hard to even compare it. Ana has challenged me from the first day I saw her. She was like a light in my dark world and as much as I wanted to turn away the light always called beckoning me toward it."**

_"Do you feel like Ana is a replacement for your birth mother?"_

**"Absolutely not. She is the complete opposite of her. Ella was weak and selfish. Ana is kind, loving, strong and giving."**

_"Looking back do you think you would have ever objectified women if you hadn't met Elena?"_

**"I don't know? I hope not, but I can't say without certainty what I would have been like. I did meet her and I did all of the horrible things that I don't want to speak about. I can't change those things, but I know what I want to be now and who I want to be with."**

"They loved you." He looks at me confused. "Your subs, they loved you. I know Leila did and Charlotte must have to want to trick you into being her baby daddy. They loved you and you threw them away, severed their contracts. How do I know you won't do that with me when you tire of me or when I push you too far?"

**"Ana. Please look at me." She looks through her lashes, her chin still down. "First you need to know I didn't sever all the contracts. Some of them just didn't work out. We weren't compatible in the sexual sense. Leila severed our contract. She met someone and got married. She knew that wasn't In the cards with me. Ours was an arrangement and nothing more. Yes I severed my agreement with Charlotte. Yes she wanted more, she tried to touch me the day you left and ran into her in the elevator. No one has ever touched me, but you. I have NEVER loved anyone, but you. As far as pushing me too far, if I didn't love you I would have already been done. You just got back from a 3 month hiatus in which only spoke briefly via email. The old me would have cut my ties and moved on. I am not him and you are not my sub. I need you to trust me. As far as my subs love of me, I find it humorous. They didn't even know me. They knew the controlled, wealthy CEO and they wanted a piece of that. You know me Ana, all of me and I pray that in spite of all my failures you can still love me. This is my fault for not being completely honest with you in the beginning. Please don't let the past destroy us. If I could I would change it all I would go back in time and erase it all."**

_"Ana, do you have anything to say about Christian's confession?"_

"He makes good points. I am tired of the past always derailing us. I just need some time to process this."

**"Are you going to leave me? Please don't run. I will do whatever you want just don't leave."**

"Christian I'm not leaving I just want some space. Mainly physical space, I mean sexual space. Damn it you know what I mean. Can we just take it slow and date again? I just get so flustered with you. I don't know which way is up when I am near you. I want to let the past go, but I need to know you are sharing everything with me. Am I going to find any other skeletons lurking around Escala?"

**"No. You know everything. I should have told you all of it sooner. Sorry!"**

_"I think you both have a lot to think about. Why don't we see how the weekend goes and meet again on Monday."_

We all agree. Christian kisses me on the cheek before I get in the car each of us going to our prospective jobs.


	103. Chapter 103

Happy Valentine's Day! I am sorry this is not a more positive chapter. As much as I wanted to give you a happy reunion with lots of sex for V-day I just couldn't. I have to stay true to my story. I hope you are doing something super romantic tonight. Happy Reading!

Chapter 102

Christian gives me a wide berth for the next few days. He isn't distant like he has been in the past, but I can tell he is walking on eggshells. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I was the one who asked for space and I know I need it, but I miss Christian. I miss his passionate kisses, his hands stroking my hair. One minute I know exactly what I want and it's Christian then the next I get lost in my thoughts and insecurities. This roller coaster is getting old. I hate that I have become this person. I am punishing Christian because I can't get over his past. Is this fair to him? Has he given me reason to doubt his love? Well actually he has, just not recently. He let me go when I know it went against every fiber in his being not to chase me down. I let Elena and her damn note put all these doubts in my mind. I really need a session with Flynn. I need to understand why I can't let this go, why Christian going to the funeral hurts so much and why I can't just trust that he could love me and just me. I find myself outside his home office willing myself to open the door and stop this nonsense. I remain frozen unable to move. When I finally do I just go into the library instead. We are so close and yet miles apart.

**Ana has kept me at arms-length and I am trying to give her the space she needs. I am fighting my urges to tell her enough. I want to sit her down declare my love and be done with this nonsense. I know it will only make things worse so I keep a smile on my face and an impassive attitude. She can't know how crazy she is making me. How do I convince her that I love her and whatever is in my past has nothing to do with the way I feel about her. Will I ever be able to convince her that she is all I want, all I need? This is ridiculous. Damn it! Damn it all! I can't change that past Lord knows if I could I would. If it would make Ana secure in my intentions I would wipe the slate clean. Is that fair? No it isn't my past is part of who I am and as much as I don't want it to hurt her, without it I wouldn't know how special she is. At this point she either accepts me or she doesn't. Maybe it should be me questioning her love. **

The weekend drags on. We spend time together trying to be 'normal' ignoring the elephant in the room. Monday Grace starts chemo. Mia has agreed to take her this week. My legs have gotten strong enough to drive and I am hopeful to be walking unassisted within the month. Sunday night Grace has the family over for dinner. Christian and I keep our game faces on. The entire Grey family is walking on eggshells tonight, everyone but Grace.

_"Listen up all of you. I know you are worried. Here's how this is going to go. We are going to have a nice family dinner without once mention of the C word. Tomorrow Mia is going to take me to my appointment and each day until this ordeal is over we are all going to have a positive attitude. Understood?"_

Everyone nods their head in unison knowing Grace means business. The rest of the evening is uneventful. Luckily no one notices the tension between me and Christian. Even Grace seems oblivious. We stay pretty late, later then I think we ever have before. I can't decide if Christian is just avoiding the awkward ride home or just wants to be around his mom a little longer. Knowing Christian it is probably a little of both. We get in the car. I look out the passenger window and Christian keeps his eyes fixed on the road.

**"Ana?"**

"Hmm?" I keep my eyes on the passing cars.

**"What are we doing?"**

"What do you mean?"

**"I mean, you asked for space and I feel like I have tried, I am trying, but you aren't. You are shutting me out. Why?"**

"I'm not shutting you out."

**"Enough. Look at me." **

** I am losing control. I can't take this anymore. She turns her face toward me. **

**"What do you want?"**

"I don't think I understand?"

**"Bullshit. What do you want from me? I am at a loss. I have done everything you asked. I have given you space, kept my hands to myself and not lost it. Well I am losing it Ana. I literally feel like I am losing my mind. This is not me Ana. You make me feel inadequate, something I am not accustom to feeling. What do you want from me?"**

"I don't know? I want you to want me. I want to be yours forever. The next minute I want to push you away knowing it's impossible. I just don't know Christian. I don't know what to do."

**"Do you still love me?"**

"God yes I love you. This wouldn't hurt so bad if I didn't love you."

**"Ana I can't change the past and I can't change who I am. I just feel like you want me to be something I'm not. I can't second guess every decision I make wondering is this going to be the one that finally drives you away for good. I am going to screw up and make mistakes. I am going to be an asshole some times. Either you can accept this or you can't, but this, whatever it is we are doing isn't working and you know it. I'm leaving tomorrow for Mumbai for a few days. I know I didn't discuss this with you, but I think this is best. You need to decide if you are in or out. I want you Ana and only you. I need to know if you feel the same."**

I just sit stunned by his words. He's right. We can't keep doing this. When we get to Escala I go straight to bed. Christian follows after a shower. Before I slip into sleep he kisses me on the forehead.

**"I love you Ana. I just wish you believed it." I roll on my side and stare at the wall silently scared to death that this is goodbye. I know it is in her hands. The next morning I leave before Ana is up. I hate leaving things like this, but I have to attend to this business. Mumbai is a strange place where Eastern and Western civilizations collide. They are deep rooted in Hindu tradition and Ros would not go over well. My chest is aching when I drive away. What will I do if she decides to leave? Why the fuck did I give her an ultimatum? Damn it Christian get a grip, you know this is the way it has to be. Better she leave you now then 10 years down the line after 2 kids in a messy and ugly divorce. **

I wake up to an empty bed. I grab his pillow and breathe in his scent. I miss him already. Have I taken for granted that he would always be here, that he can't live without me? We had an appointment to see John this morning. I decide to keep it for myself.

_"Is Christian running behind?"_

"He left on a business trip this morning. It will just be me."

_"How has it been going since our last appointment?"_

"Not great. He has given me space like I asked."

_"Is he shutting you out or just giving you space?"_

"Actually I am the one shutting him out."

_"Hmm. Why do you think that is?"_

"I don't know. I just feel so insecure lately. I hate that he went to Elena's funeral, I hate that he was with all of those women, I hate that we all looked alike, I hate that I may not ever be enough for him."

_"Okay. Why don't we start with the funeral?"_

"I don't understand why he would go and why you would encourage him to go."

_"Ana the reason I encouraged him to go had nothing to do with you. As much as it pains you Christian had a decade plus long relationship, however dysfunctional and wrong it was, with Elena. Her death was both a relief and a burden to him. He felt torn between his deep love for you and his loyalty to Elena. This is not something I expect you to understand. You are going to have to get to the point where you don't take it personally. He was not betraying you, but trying to get closure. Maybe if I put it this way. Say you had an alcoholic father that was emotionally abusive. One day he dies, do you not love him because he was abusive? I don't know a child that would not have mixed emotions about this. They would hate him for the abuse, but love because no matter how awful he was that was their dad. It is much the same for Christian. He hated Elena on one hand because she hurt you and he now understands that she hurt him, but for many years he believed she helped him. That is not something that he can't let go of overnight. I have faith that once Christian has children of his own he will see it clearer and he won't wrestle with those feelings any longer. I hope this helps you." _

"It does. I will try to let that go. Why can't I let his past go? Why does it have so much power over me?"

_"You struggle with self-confidence. Do you believe Christian loves you?"_

"Yes."

_"Do you believe you are the only person he has ever loved?"_

"I don't know? He says it, but I just can't see how he could have had all those relationships and never loved one of them."

_"I am going to tell you that he didn't. I think he cared for them the only way he knew how at the time. I have been Christian's therapist through every one of his contracts and when those contracts ended he never once grieved any of them. I will tell you that when he hurt you both in the playroom and then when he thought you were pregnant he was broken. I had never seen him that way ever. Then when Elena hurt you his guilt almost destroyed him. I have no doubt that Christian loves you."_

"What if he gets sick of me? What if his needs come back?"

_"You can't live by the what if's. You need to learn to take every day as it comes and deal with the challenges that day presents. The what ifs will drive you crazy and it is already putting a strain on your relationship."_

"He gave me an ultimatum."

_"He did? What exactly did he say?"_

I explain our conversation last night. Christian was firm, but not angry. He actually kept control of his emotions well.

_"Do you know what you are going to do? Can you accept him flaws, past and all? Because he's right, if you can't this won't work."_

"I know and I want to. I really do. I just can't get out of my own head. The doubts are breaking me down."

_"Take these next few days while he is gone and make a list. Write out your doubts and fears on one page and then all of the positives of a life with Christian, your hopes and dreams so to speak. Then compare them and if the fears outweigh the hopes then I think you will have your answer."_

"Okay I can do that. Can I see you again on Wednesday? Christian should be home Wednesday night and I want to have an answer for him either way."

He stands and walks me to the door.

_"Wednesday it is. I'll see you then and good luck."_

I go straight to work trying to ignore the aching in my chest. I have to decide once and for all. Can I trust that my love is enough to outweigh all of my doubts?


	104. Chapter 104

Thanks for the reviews. I will try to post several chapters over the next few days. Keep the feedback coming!

Chapter 104

Maggie greats me with a smile and I can't help but smile back. She squares me away for the day and then grabs a phone call. I check emails and voicemails before reading the 3 manuscripts that I am working on. A few minutes later Maggie calls me to her office.

_"Ana, first I hope everything is okay. You seem a little down today. Is there anything you want to talk about?"_

"I'm okay a little worried about Grace starting Chemo today and Christian left for a business trip too."

_"How are you and Christian since you got home?"_

"Okay, still working on some things."

_"Well if you need to talk you know I am here."_

"Thanks Maggie I appreciate it."

_"I wanted to tell you I read your story."_

My ears perk up. I am a little worried that she hated it.

_"It is wonderful! Are you working on a sequel? I talked to Mark and we would love to publish it. We need to discuss a contract and I think it would be a good idea if it was published through the New York office so it isn't seen as a conflict of interest. Can we go to lunch today to discuss terms?"_

"Are you serious? You want to sign me? This is amazing. Yes of course lunch today would be perfect. Thanks Maggie, you don't know what this means to me."

_"Ana you are a very talented young lady, if I don't snatch you up I know I will lose you."_

I am grinning from ear to ear when I go back to my desk. The first person I think to call is Christian. I know he would be so happy for me. I pick up the phone a freeze. I don't know what time it is there or even if he will want to talk to me. What the hell I do it anyway. It rings several times before he finally answers.

**"Ana? Is everything okay? It's past midnight here."**

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you. I wasn't quite sure what the exact time difference was."

**"I just wasn't expecting to hear from you. Please tell me you are okay."**

"I'm good actually I'm great. I just got some news and you were the first person I thought to call."

**"Really?" I try to contain my excitement that she is calling me. The fact that she has news and wanted to share it with me first gives me a renewed hope. **

"Maggie wants to publish my story, Can you believe that? I am going to be a published author. She thought it was fantastic and is encouraging me to finish the next one as soon as possible."

**"Ana I am so proud of you. That is wonderful news."**

"I just had to tell someone, I had to tell you. Also I wanted you to know that I saw John today."

**"And?"**

"I don't want to discuss it all over the phone, but when you get home we definitely need to talk."

**"Are you feeling positive or negative about us?"**

"I am still struggling with some things, but I will have a decision when you get back. I do miss you and I do love you. I don't want you to think I don't and I don't want to string you along."

**"Okay. I love you Ana. I need to go now." I have to hang up before I make myself more vulnerable. I don't even let her say goodbye. I don't want to hear the word goodbye come out of her mouth. I stay focused on the fact that I was the first person she thought to call about her big news. That's good right?**

I hang up with Christian and I already miss the sound of his voice. Tonight I will straighten this out. I am stringing him along. It isn't fair that I should give him hope when I am not sure what I want. For now I will enjoy my high. I call Kate then my mom and dad. They are all equally happy for me. At lunch Mark and Maggie make me a generous offer for 3 installments. The paperwork will be written up by Kelly and we will see how the first book sells before we decide when to release the next 2. At 5 Luke drives me to Bellevue to make dinner for Grace and Carrick. Mia mentioned that Grace did great , but I am sure she is exhausted. Carrick answers the door when I knock.

_"It's good to see you Ana. We really appreciate you coming over to do this. You know Gretchen could have handled making dinner for all of us."_

"I know Carrick, but I love cooking and I wanted to do this for Grace."

_"She is lying down. I can go get her."_

"Absolutely not! Let her rest. Why don't you help me out?"

_"I hear you have gotten Christian in the kitchen a time or two."_

"One of my proudest moments."

_"When will Christian be back from his trip?"_

"He said Wednesday evening _sometime_."

_"You are welcome to stay with us if you don't want to be alone."_

"I'm not alone. I have Gail and Taylor not to mention Luke."

_"Okay just know you are considered one of our children and you are welcome anytime."_

"Thanks Carrick." I immediately feel guilty about all of my doubts. I will lose more than just Christian if I leave. I will lose an entire family.

_"Are you okay Ana? Did I say something wrong?"_

"Not at all, I just love all of you so much."

_"We all love you too. I know Grace has thanked you for loving Christian, but I want you to know how much I appreciate that you can see past all of his issues to love him unconditionally."_

It's like a knife stabbing me in the heart. If he only knew how untrue that was, I am filled with doubts about his issues. There has been nothing unconditional about my love since Elena put me in this damn chair. I don't respond. I give him some instructions on how to make my cooking in the wheel chair easier. Carrick is a big help. Once dinner is made and the table is set he goes to retrieve Grace while I excuse myself to the restroom. In the front powder room of the Grey mansion I allow myself to lose it. Before I exit I make myself presentable again, hoping Grace won't notice my red, puffy eyes. We all sit at the dining table. Grace thanks me for making such a beautiful dinner.

"You need to thank your husband. He did most of the work. I just supervised."

_"You have a way with these Grey men. We will definitely keep you around." She exclaims._

"How are you feeling Grace?"

_"Other than tired I am not too bad. So far no nausea and I am hoping it stays that way."_

"How long will this round of chemo be? And what is the plan afterward?" I know engaging her in physician talk will keep her mind off her ailment and hopefully away from me and Christian.

_"Since they got all of the affected area during biopsy the outlook is good. I will do 4 months of Adjuvant chemotherapy to make sure the cancer does not return. After the 4 months I will have a PET scan and hopefully be completely cancer free. Then I will be checked every 6 months until I am cancer free for 5 years."_

"You are going to beat this Grace. You are the strongest person I know and I can't imagine you letting it beat you."

_"You're right Ana I am going to beat this disease. I need you to help me keep everyone else in the family positive."_

"You can count on me."

_"How is your progress coming with your legs?"_

"They are getting stronger I can use my walker most of the time now. I start with the physical therapist that you recommended on Thursday. I am hopeful to be rid of all of these contraptions in the next month."

_"Good girl. Just keep working hard. I am so proud of you for not allowing Elena to get the best of you."_

What is it with Christian's parents? They both know how to make me feel guilty without even trying. I will my eyes to stay dry. She has never been more wrong about me. Elena has a firm grip around throat. She is strangling the life out of our relationship.

"Did you know Christian went to Elena's funeral?" I really respect her opinion and I want to get her take on it.

_"I did."_

That is not the answer I was expecting. How could she have known and not stopped him. She hated Elena as much, if not more.

_"Christian was stressed after talking to John about it. He still wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to hurt you Ana. I told him that if he felt like this was his chance to get closure and move on with the rest of his life then he had to go. He was torn. I hated seeing him that way knowing that Elena had taken advantage of him when he was so young. I have seen Christian cry two times in his life. Once when he was 4 years old and then again that day, he was crying over the guilt he felt about what happened to you. He blamed himself for Elena's assaults on you. She was the one to blame not Christian and yet he couldn't reason that. I know he needed to see her in the ground to know it was over for his sake and yours."_

Her words strike a chord with me. Christian has always been so controlled with his family, hiding his relationship with Elena. The fact that he discussed this with his mom proves he wasn't sure about his decision. He asked for help from the two people I trust to give the appropriate advice. They wouldn't just tell him what he wanted to hear. I can finally let that go. Elena will no longer be a factor in my mind when it comes to my future with Christian.

"Thank you Grace."

_"Whatever for?"_

"Just for being you."

_"You're welcome dear it's the only way I know how to be."_

"I have to be honest with you. I have been having doubts about Christian and I. Someone left a note harassing me at work last week and it was signed by Elena. Christian confirmed it was Elena's handwriting."

_"Oh my." Grace gasps. "You poor girl."_

Carrick pipes up. **_"Knowing Christian he has been investigating it nonstop. Does he have any leads?"_**

"I don't know. I don't think so. It has really put a wedge between us."

_"Knowing Christian he is feeling guilty that she is still able to get to you and he is shutting you out."_

"Actually I am the one shutting him out. I'm just overwhelmed. I am not sure if we will ever be able to get past this." I can't tell them it is because Elena developed his desire to beat brown headed girls that look like me in order to release stress and anger.

Carrick excuses himself. I know it is because he wants me make sure I am comfortable and I am grateful.

_"Do you love Christian, Ana?"_

"I do. I guess I just wonder why he loves me and if he is going to wake up one day and realize I'm not what he wants, not enough. I'm sorry Grace I shouldn't be laying this on you. You have plenty of other things to worry about right now."

_"Nonsense, nothing is more important than the happiness of my children. Can I be frank with you?"_

I nod and she continues.

_"I was really worried when you decided to go to Savannah. I knew that you needed the time to recover and regroup, but I was scared that Christian would withdraw again. I had waited 23 years for him to be comfortable enough to let me hug him. It wasn't until he met you that he allowed it. Not only is he more demonstrative he has opened up emotionally to me and Carrick. You are an answer to prayer Ana. Don't ever doubt that you are enough for Christian you have healed him more this last year than 23 years of therapy and unconditional love from us ever did. I thank God every day that he brought you into Christian's life."_

"Thank you Grace you'll never know how much that means to me." I decide that I can't handle anymore deep talks and suggest that we play some cards in the living room and for several hours Carrick and Grace tell me childhood stories about all 3 of their children. For the first time I wish I had a sibling that I could have shared such wonderfully traumatic memories with. Just after 10 pm Luke drives me back to Escala. I take a hot bath, slip into one of Christian's t-shirts and fall asleep inhaling his scent on his pillow.


	105. Chapter 105

I want to tell you all that from this chapter on there will be plenty of drama, but Ana will be secure. No more whining, insecure Ana. I am tired of writing her that way. I want kick ass Ana back so enjoy this Chapter all of you hopeless romantics and don't stop reading because like I said there are plenty of jaw dropping events to come. Happy Reading!

Chapter 105

Tuesday crawls at a snail's pace. I go straight home after work and give Gail the evening off. No reason she shouldn't have a relaxing evening to herself. I make a sandwich and hole up in the library. Tomorrow morning I have a session with John and Christian confirmed he will be home by dinner. It's decision time. I open my journal and start with the negatives, all of which center around his subs and my insecurities. If I could take the what if's out of it like John suggests would I want to make it work? Yes the answer is yes. I love Christian and as scared as I am that he may leave me one day I have to stop worrying about things that may never happen. I make a list of all the things we have made it through already. That is quite a list. Everyone assures me Christian loves me. If they can see it and he confesses it regularly then I need to let it be. Christian Grey loves me Anastasia Steele and I love him too. It all comes down to the fact that no matter how great my fears, Christian is the first thing I think of when I wake up, the one I want to call when I have news, and the last thought on my mind before I drift off the sleep. Tonight is no different.

Luke drives me to Flynn's office the next morning. I go over what I have discovered about myself even sharing Grace's thoughts.

"Why do I have such a hard time believing what everyone else sees so clearly?"

_"Ana this has nothing to do with Christian or his past. It has everything to do with your insecurities. Do you believe you deserve to be loved or that someone could love you forever?"_

"I don't know."

_"You do and they can. I want you to tell yourself every morning that you are everything Christian wants and needs. Eventually you will believe it. When Christian tells you how much you mean to him, take him at his word. He is not a man that hands out compliments or affections readily. He only says what he means positive and negative."_

"I want to I really do and I am going to try."

_"Tonight express your fears to Christian and then let them go. Let him heal you Ana like you have healed him."_

"That's it! I need to let Christian do for me what I willing do for him."

I get off early and make dinner for Christian. I slip into a nice dress and some heels and await Christian's arrival. Just after 6 the front door opens and I walk toward the foyer with the assistance of my walker. The butterflies swirl in my stomach. Our eyes meet and just the sight of him takes my breath away. In this moment I know I could never live without him. His hair a mess, his eyes look tired, but his mouth curls in a smile and what a glorious smile it is.

**"You look beautiful. I am so happy to see you."**

"I was going to say the same to you, well maybe not the beautiful part, but you are looking ruggedly handsome Mr. Grey."

**"Are you saying you like my unshaven face Miss Steele?"**

"In fact I am. It's pretty sexy."

**I drop my bags. My heart feels as though it may beat out of my chest. I was so worried I would come home and she would be gone. Yet here she is and in a seemingly good mood. I pick her up sliding the walker out of the way then press my lips on hers. Yes it is still there and as strong as ever. The electricity between us, the passion that we both feel is ever present.**

"I made dinner are you hungry?"

**I want to tell her how hungry I am for her. I control the urge and just shake my head carrying her to the dining table. **

**"Wow you went all out. It looks delicious."**

"Thanks." As we eat I talk. I just can't hold back any longer. I have spent too long stressing about this.

"I first want to apologize. I shouldn't have shut you out. I can't expect us to work if I am not going to try. In fact I am the one always telling you not to shut me out. Ironic isn't it. I have made a decision but before I share it I want to tell you how I came to it."

I tell him about my conversations with John and with his mom.

**"She's right Ana. You are everything and all I will ever need. I want to be the same to you."**

"I know and you are. You are all I want and I just needed to realize that I deserve to be loved and even if I can't change the past it isn't fair to try to predict the future. I am sorry for letting my insecurities get in the way. I was scared, I am scared. I love you so much that the thought of you rejecting me puts me in a tailspin."

**"Ana I know how you feel. I am terrified. I don't know how to make you understand the depths of my love for you. I just know I am lost without you."**

"Me too. I wanted to have some eloquent speech to tell you how I felt, but what kept coming to mind was a quote from one of my all-time favorite movies, Dirty Dancing. It all comes down to this.

_'I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.'_

"Now that I have confessed fears and declared my love, what do you say you let me show you how much I have missed you?"

**I don't say a word I just lunge toward her my hunger to be close to her taking over. I have Ana back body and soul and I won't ever let her go. She is mine. I remind her of this several times during our reunion. She just confirms in the breathy satisfied voice I love so much.**

YES. YOURS. ALWAYS.


	106. Chapter 106

Some more romance...you all have been patient so as much as I wanted to rush to the next drama I wanted to enjoy the love a little more. Thanks for all of the positive reviews.

Chapter 106

I wake up with a renewed sense of self. I'm tired of allowing myself to be beaten down with things that can't be changed. Starting today the old Ana will accept the new Christian and living in today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come so today I will love with everything I have. I roll over to face Christian. He is so peaceful, I love watching him sleep, so hot. His strong jaw, those lips, how his hair is an absolute mess but it still looks sexy. I can't contain my smile. I made the right decision. I must have been crazy thinking I could say goodbye. I move closer, running my hand over his scruff. I may ask him to keep this for a while it does something for me.

**I open my eyes to Ana's hand caressing my face. Her smile is contagious. I wrap her up pulling her on top of me. Her lips crash into mine. It's so good to have her back. She seems sure of herself again and there is nothing sexier to me than confident Ana. She takes charge kissing my cheeks then my neck. Moving to my chest which sends chills through my entire body. As many times as she has done this it's never routine. I won't ever take for granted that the fear I once felt is now the most intimate affection I have ever experienced. I let out a moan. She moves to my stomach then takes me in her mouth, my entire length gliding in and out.**

**"Fuck Ana!" She continues and I know I am losing control. I pull her back up to my mouth. She knows what I want and slides onto me. Her hair falls perfectly framing her breasts as she moves over me. She is my undoing. I will never get enough of this beautifully complicated woman. **

I can tell my assault is having the desired effect. For all of my questions and doubts I know I am exactly where I belong when we are together like this. A perfect fit coming undone together. This will never get old. This man touches places in me that I never knew existed, places no one else will ever have the pleasure of knowing because I am his.

"Thanks." I say rolling off of him.

**"I think it's me that should be thanking you. You beguile Anastasia Steele."**

"Back at you Mr. Grey and as much as I would love to stay in bed with you all day I have a date to get my super powers back.""

**"Huh?"**

"Physical therapy this morning, I ready to be over this impairment. I will be walking hand and hand with you soon."

After my shower I notice Christian is still in bed. I drop my towel and start getting dressed.

**"I should do this every morning. I like watching you dress."**

I just throw the towel wrapped around my hair at his head. He springs up grabbing my waist and pulling me back into the bed with him. I love playful Christian. Before I know it I am on my back his hands holding my wrists above my head. His lips are teasing my mouth as he talks letting them graze mine.

**"Ready for another round?"**

"Christian you know I can't. I will be late."

**"What if I make it quick?"**

"A quickie? That is so unlike you."

**"I just can't get enough of you."**

"As tempting as you are. I can't. I have to get going."

**"I know I have just missed you. What about lunch today?"**

"I'll meet you at GEH, maybe we can do lunch in."

I see him smile knowing what I mean. He releases me after another passionate kiss that leaves me breathless. I finish getting dressed. Before I leave the room I look back and watch Christian walk to the bathroom. I stand amazed that he is mine.

I just make it to my appointment. Brenda is my new therapist. She is harder on me than Brett was. I know she is exactly what I need. She assures me that I am close to my goal. We set a 3 day a week schedule. I am exhausted from the session so I choose to use my chair for the remainder of the day. Luke takes me to WP and then over the GEH for lunch. Luke and I wait for the elevator. Christian is on a call when I arrive. He smiles as I enter finishing up his call.

**"How was your therapy today?" I walk to her standing her up to kiss me. **

"Good, a lot of work. My legs are exhausted, but she seems certain that I am close to my goal."

**"Then let me get you off of them." I sweep her into my arms and carry her to the couch sitting down as well. "Lunch should be here any minute. Are you hungry? I ordered your favorite."**

"Burgers? " He shakes his head yes. "I am starving and a burger sounds delicious."

Andrea knocks and brings in the food. Christian and I eat and talk. I ask about his trip to Mumbai and he downplays how much he really enjoyed the trip.

"I know you were torn about what was going on with me, but Mr. Grey you know you live for negotiations and business trips are more enjoyable than you lead on."

**"You know me well Miss Steele. I do enjoy closing the deal. This time though I only had my mind on you. Tell me about your new found career? "**

"As exciting as it is that I am going to have my words in print there are no guarantees. It could flop you know. What if everyone hates it?"

**"Somehow I doubt that. Maggie seems like she knows what she is doing. I can't imagine she would invest in you just because she knows you."**

"You're right. Maggie wouldn't lie to me. If it was bad she would have told me."

**"Before you know it every one will be asking who that man is that is marrying famous author Anastasia Steele?"**

"You're ridiculous."

**"Ridiculously in love."**

"Did I mention corny too?"

**"You think I am corny, do you." I tickle her making her giggle. I love to hear her laugh. **

"Stop it! Please!" I can't stop laughing. "You are impossible. Please!?"

He stops finally but then I can tell his mood has changed. He is now full of desire. His mouth is swiftly on mine, keeping me to my promise that I made this morning. It was oh so worth it! Christian never disappoints.

**"Do you have to go back to work? Can't we just disappear today? I want to stay lost with you?"**

"I wish I could, really. Maggie and Mark have been so understanding of all my absences in the last months. I can't let them down. I hope this doesn't disappoint you?"

**"I know you are right, I'm just being selfish. You know how I like to get my way. This weekend I am taking you away. I want to be alone with you, no distractions."**

"I can't wait. Now I have to get back. I will see you tonight. Get back to work. Your empire is not going to run itself."

Luke drives me back to work and I find myself smiling more than I have in a long time. I love Christian Grey and I couldn't be happier with my decision.


	107. Chapter 107

Sorry this took so long. It has been a hectic week. Reviews are always appreciated. Have a great weekend. I will try to post at least 1 more chapter this weekend.

Chapter 107

The weekend is amazing. We take a road trip to a home on a private lake near Mount Baker. Taylor is obviously in tow, but this time Christian allowed Gail to accompany him. They follow us in the SUV. The house has a detached guest house. I love that Christian is becoming so in tune with his staff. Gail and Taylor have been very good to us both and even though it is a 'working' vacation they deserve a little holiday. I remember this is where he got stranded with Ros working on an acquisition of some sort. Christian gives me all the details, most of which sound like a foreign language. I let him share because I know this is a big part of his life and for God sake the man read my favorite books to feel close to me. Listening to the ins and outs of his everyday life is the least I can do. Even if I can't understand a word he is saying I absolutely love how excited he is. This is his passion and I for one appreciate having a passion for what you do for a living. We spend most days lounging on the porch watching the rain hit the water. The last time I was this relaxed was watching the ocean in Savannah. I will have to remember this place for future writing sessions. I wonder if Christian could secure it easily. I can't believe my own thoughts. I am wondering if Christian Grey can secure something. This place is definitely something I wouldn't make a fuss over the money he spent. Sunday arrives too quickly and we have to head back to reality. It has been so nice being in our own little bubble. The atmosphere is completely different, but I can't help but be reminded of our time in New York. How I miss those days.

**"What are you thinking about?" I ask her as we pack up to go back to the city.**

"I was just thinking how this weekend reminded me so much of New York."

"**Thanks for going away with me. This was just what I needed."**

"Me too." I smile.

He wraps me into his chest. I have worked all weekend to use my walker as little as possible. Christian has been a huge help always available when I get a little weak. I am starting to feel more like myself, body and soul and it feels good, really good. The ride home is quiet, but not uncomfortable. We both seem to be deep in thoughts about how much has happened over the last few months and where we are now. I just reach for his hand and we listen to music all the way home. Escala is a welcome sight after being in the car for 3 plus hours my bladder is about to burst. I didn't even notice the spasms until we pulled into the garage.

"Christian, I really need to pee. I mean really bad. I don't know if I am going to make it bad."

He puts the car in park, jumps out and sprints to my side. Opening the door he leans down his back facing me.

**"Grab onto my neck."**

I can't help but laugh when he skips while giving me a piggy back ride to the elevator.

"Don't make me laugh. Seriously I am going to pee my pants."

I stay attached to him as the elevator opens. I am afraid that once he sets me down I may lose all control over my bladder. That giant water bottle was a bad idea. Once the elevator stops at our floor Christian unlocks the door and sprints to the restroom with me. He places me on the floor directly in front of the toilet. I rush to get my jeans down and as I sit, I swear I pee for a straight two minutes. I moan at the relief. Christian just looks at me amused.

**"That good huh?"**

"You have no idea."

He just laughs and leaves me to my business. I hate when I do this. I pride myself on having a bladder of steel, but sometimes I over-estimate the amount of liquid it can hold. The relief is always instantaneous, but the before is excruciating. I rise from my throne, washing my hands and slowly making my way by foot to Christian. After sitting that long it feels good to have my feet underneath me, I know they won't have the strength to hold me for very long, but while they do I am going to use them. I find him in the kitchen preparing a snack for us.

"Where's Gail?" I ask.

**"I told her to go unpack and get settled. No reason for her to rush back into work. It is Sunday after all and we can manage, right?"**

"Who are you and what have you done with the control freak, always gets his way, loves to be served man I fell in love with?"

**"Don't worry babe he's still very much alive and well."**

"Good I don't want you going totally soft on me. I kind of like your dominate CEO self."

**"Oh you do, do you?"**

"UmmHmm." I say just as his lips collide with mine.

**"Well then let's eat this snack that my domesticated self, prepared then I will take you into the bedroom and let the dominant me play."**

I can already feel my body responding. I wolf down my snack and then coax Christian into carrying me to the bedroom. Not that it took much coaxing. I can feel him hesitate before placing me on the bed.

**"Are you sure about this Ana? I want to make sure you aren't just doing this for me?"**

"I'm not. I really like your kinky side. I don't want to be your submissive in the BDSM sense, but I like it when you take a more dominant role in the bedroom."

**"You will never be my submissive. I want you to always feel free to tell me if you don't like something. I can't say I'm not excited that you want to play. There are so many things I want to share with you."**

"So what are we going to do first?"

**I rack my brain chalked full of ideas and then remember that I got rid of EVERYTHING. Shit! She wants to play and I don't have anything available. I still have the feather, blindfold and my ties, but we have already done that. Think Christian what household items can I substitute? I've got it. I go to the closet and get my ties. By the time I am back she is naked lying on her back and with her hands above her head. I am getting hard at her willingness to please me. I tie her hands and feet just like I have done in the past. Then I get the blindfold out and place it over her eyes.**

**"Ana I will be right back , don't move." **

"Funny Christian, hurry please." I feel like he is gone forever. My body is wet with anticipation. I would have never dreamed that I would like being bound, but I actually love it. I can hear him enter the room and my body begins to wiggle a little. God the waiting is killing me. He doesn't speak then suddenly his lips are on mine and I moan loudly. I feel his lips curl knowing he loves what he is doing to me. He moves his lips away and I instantly miss the closeness. Then I feel it. Cold running around each nipple then down my stomach, my body explodes with sexual chills. This was not what I was expecting at all. My nerves are on end. I am not sure how much more I can take. He strokes my clit with the ice then immediately I feel warmth.

"Awww." I say as his mouth relieves my chill. He slowly moves up my belly licking and nipping at my chilled skin. The contrast in temperatures is confusing my senses. As he takes my right nipple in his mouth I feel the pleasure building in my core. He gently bites and an electric current shoots through my body. Then it's repeated with the same motions on the other breast.

"Oh God!"

Christian never says a word untying my hands and feet then quickly he turns me over and repeats the process on my back with the ice and then his mouth.

"Please I can't take it anymore. I need you now."

The minute I finish my sentence he grabs my hips making me rise on my knees and he slams into me from behind. I scream with pleasure and he picks up his intensity. Only when we are both deep in our own release do I hear him.

**"Fuck yes Ana!" **

**I hesitantly remove myself and get something to clean us both up. When I return she is sprawled on her back, hair everywhere obviously exhausted from the experience. The blindfold is still covering her eyes. I stand at the edge of the bed and behold her beauty. She is more than I could have ever hoped for. She loves all of me and I can't wait to give her pleasure, the likes she has never known. As I take off the blindfold she blinks trying to adjust her eyes to the light. Those mesmerizing blue eyes full with satisfaction. Pride swells in my chest.**

**"That was good?" I know it was, but I just want to hear it.**

"That was much better than good. It was…mind-blowing."

**"I had to improvise since we got rid of all the stuff in the playroom."**

"Well then I think we need to go shopping because if it can get better than that I can't wait."

**I just fell deeper for her, if that is even possible. I can't resist my urge to kiss her, this time soft and slow to show my adoration. Then we make love, ours eyes never leaving the other. We have it all, uninhibited passion and desire as well as deep adoration and love. I never believed it possible.**

We both fall asleep tangled together. I wake up the next morning hot, knowing it is because Christian's body is still wrapped up with mine. Looking at the clock I know I need to get moving. I have physical therapy before work. I kiss Christian's cheek.

**"It's still early, where are you going?"**

"Remember I have physical therapy on Monday mornings. Mark my words I will be walking without so much as a cane in the next 2 weeks."

**"I don't doubt it. I know you, when you set your mind to something everyone better watch out."**

"Are you saying I am stubborn Mr. Grey?"

**"Something like that."**

I just smack his arm and leave. He yells that he loves me just as the door is closing. I smile and reopen the door.

"I love you too."

Luke drives me to physical therapy and Brenda is impressed at how quickly I am improving.

_"You are doing great Ana. Keep working at home and I will see you Wednesday. Also lets get rid of the chair and the walker and just use this cane."_

She hands me a four pronged walking cane, the kind that older people use after hip replacement. In the past I might have been embarrassed by it, but now it just means I am one step closer to freedom. I use it full of pride. Luke just smiles as he opens my car door. I am the first to arrive at the office. Luke sits with me until Maggie and Mark arrive.

_"Hey Ana. You are here early." Mark says walking straight to make coffee. _

"Sorry Mark I would have done that, I totally forgot." Truth is I rarely have to. They usually arrive well before I do.

_"No worries." He just continues with his task obviously still half asleep._

**_"Ana, come in here and see me." Maggie yells from her office. "Wow you've graduated to the cane. Congratulations."_**

"Thanks. I'm so close."

**_"I forgot to tell you that Jeff Yates is in town and wanted to have lunch with his editor. He just finished his first manuscript for us. I hope you haven't already made plans today?"_**

"No that is fine." I had totally forgotten that he had specifically asked for me to be his editor. I can't let Maggie down on this. They have bent over backwards with understanding over all of my issues.

**_"Great I made reservations at Assiaggo Ristorante."_**

"Um, I don't think my attire is appropriate for that venue."

**_"Crap, I meant to call you last night and give you a heads up. Why don't you go home and change before. Just give yourself plenty of time. Jeff will meet you there at 12:30 sharp. He is a stickler for time, so don't be late."_**

He sounds like someone else I know. "I will make sure to be early. Thanks Maggie for trusting me with this."

**_"Ana you are very talented, don't sell yourself short. I am swamped this morning, but tomorrow lets do lunch and go over some ideas for your book."_**

"Sounds good. I'll let you know how lunch goes. I have plenty on my plate before then, so I'll leave you to it."

At 11:30 I have Luke take me back to Escala to change. I slip into a dress with knee boots and throw on a jacket. My hair will have to be good enough in a messy side bun. I do at least take the time to put on a little makeup before hitting the door to make sure I am not late. The traffic seems exceptionally bad today and Luke manages to drop me at the front door 10 minutes after 12. Just as I am telling the hostess my reservation name Jeff walks behind me placing his hand on my lower back. I freeze. No one touches me like that but Christian and I can see Luke is not happy as he rounds the corner. He I just stare at him hoping he understands to back off. I can't jeopardize this account. I try to move so that he will remove his hand, but there is no way without being obvious. The hostess seats us and Jeff pulls out my chair for me to sit. I take a seat and the minute I do I am met with Grey eyes staring a whole through me just 3 tables away. Holy Fuck! Christian is here with Ros and two other suit clad men. By the look on his face he saw that Jeff had his hands on me. I can't imagine the thoughts running through his head. Actually I can and they are certainly not positive. I hadn't told him about my lunch. Hell I hadn't told him I was editing Jeff's books. So much has happened since I agreed I honestly forgot. He excuses himself and before I can gather my thoughts is standing before us. I instinctively stand and kiss his cheek. This seems to unarm him some, but his face is still glaring at Jeff.

"Christian this is Jeff Yates and author that recently signed with Williams Publishing."

Jeff just stays seated and goes to shake Christian's hand. I just hope that Christian can ignore the smirk on Jeff's face or I may be in the middle of a brawl during business hours. I quickly try to defuse the situation.

"Jeff this is Christian Grey my fiance'."

**_"The Christian Grey?" Jeff asks._**

**"In the flesh." I want to kill this fucker now. The way he had his hands on Ana's back. The way his eyes scanned her body as she sat down. His smart ass smirk when I came to the table. I am glad he finally knows who I am and seems intimidated. Yes you better be scared, very scared. I could ruin your life with the stroke of my pen. Although at this moment I would rather use my fists. I feel Ana squeeze my hand to bring me back from my daydream of pummeling this ass hat. Her eyes just stare at me I can tell she wants me to control myself. **

"I see you are here with Ros. How is she today?" I have got to get him to back down without being obvious.

**"She's fine. I need to get back, but I will see you tonight." I don't want to leave but I have to attend to these investors. I kiss Ana passionately. Normally I am not one for public affection, but this fucker needs to know that she is spoken for. I whisper in her ear. "We are going to talk about this later. Be careful please." She smiles a fake smile and I go back to my table. I try hard to concentrate, but when I see him touch her hand I immediately tense. I take out my phone and text Luke to make sure he watches them closely. He is so blatant with his affection toward her and it is driving mad. **

I sit and halfway listen to Jeff in some monologue about what he has been doing with himself for the past few months. I can't get my mind off of that kiss. Christian hates PDA and I know he was staking his claim. Christian Grey is jealous. I am instantly turned on. If it was up to me I would dump this meeting and let Christian fuck me into next week, maybe the bathroom. That would be hot. I feel Jeff touch my hand and I am brought back from my erotic day dream of Mr. Grey.

**_"Did you hear me Ana?"_**

"I'm sorry can you repeat that?"

**_"I said I had forgotten how beautiful you are." _**

He strokes my knuckles with his fingertips and I jerk my hand away. His touch makes me sick to my stomach. I know what his intentions are and I am treading on thin ice here. I want to slap him in the face and run out of the restaurant. However, it won't be that easy. Maggie is counting on me to make him happy. He signed a 10 book deal with them and even if they have him under contract he could break it. I am sure he has lawyers at his disposal that would make it impossible for WP to put up much of a fight. I look him straight in the face, keeping my emotions in check.

"Mr. Yates I am honored to work with you as your editor, but that will be the extent of our relationship."

**_"So formal all of a sudden. I have a feeling I will be able to convince you otherwise. I want you Miss Steele and I will have you."_**

"I hate to disappoint you, but I very much in love with my fiancé and nothing you do or say will make me stray."

**_"I do love a challenge. While I can appreciate your loyalty but seeing as you have not taken the plunge yet you are still technically unattached."_**

Shit! Fuck! This is not going to be easy. I look toward Christian. His eyes have not left my direction. I only hope he can see the pleading in my eyes. I want him to come save me. If I ever needed his take charge, controlling personality it was now. I know that it would only make things worse. I am not a pushover and I will not be pushed around by this man. I have to get my point across without jeopardizing the contract.

"Mr. Yates, I regret that if we are not going to talk business then I will be leaving. Please contact me when you are interested in discussing your manuscript. I will contact you via email on changes that I would recommend. Have a nice day."

I stand, grab my cane and walk to the front door. Luke meets me as I exit. I exhale. It seems I had been holding my breath.

_"Ana are you okay?" Luke looks concerned._

"Luke please go get the car. I need you to take me back to work."

I never look back toward the restaurant. I pray that he doesn't follow me out. Just as the thought leaves my brain I feel hands around my waist. I immediately tense. Would he be so bold? I have a feeling the answer is yes.

**"Ana, what's wrong?" I whisper in her ear. I can feel her body relax at the sound of my voice.**

"Oh Christian." I turn around and bury my head in his chest. I don't want to cry. I am sure Jeff is watching the exchange.

**"What the Fuck did he do to you?" I lead her to the waiting car. We both get in. I don't want anyone especially that fucker Yates to hear our conversation.**

"He didn't do anything so to speak. It's what he wants to do to me. He basically told me that he would have me eventually. That until I 'took the plunge' I was technically free."

**"I am going to kill him. How dare he?" I take my phone and text Taylor to get Ros back to GEH and I would have Luke drop me.**

"I took care of it. I am just worried that he may pull his agreement with WP. I don't want this to hurt Maggie and Mark. They have been so good to me."

**"Listen. I don't want you to worry about WP. He is harassing you Ana and I won't put up with it. You need to let me handle this."**

"Christian what are you going to do?"

**"I am not going to hurt him the physical sense, Ana." But I want to smash his face in. " You just need to trust me. Can you do that?"**

"Yes, but can you promise to keep me informed. I want to know what is going on. I won't interfere I just this to be a partnership. I want to know you trust me too."

**"I will try. Your safety is my only concern. You have to promise not to go rogue. If he contacts you other than business you have to tell."**

"I promise." He wraps me into his arms and I let the tears flow. This is an impossible situation. I know I have to tell Maggie and Mark and pray they understand my position.


	108. Chapter 108

Thanks for the reviews! I hope you all like where this is going. Happy Reading!

Chapter 108

On the ride to GEH Christian grills me.

**"Why are you editing for him? If he is such a great catch why would Maggie let an Assistant Editor take point?"**

"He asks specifically for me."

**"He what?"**

"He asked that only I edit his work."

**"What the Fuck? Why would he do that? Something is not right. If he is a best-selling author as you say he should consider working with you as slumming."**

"Thanks." I give him my overly dramatic offended face.

**"You know that is not directed at you personally. Have you even met him before today?"**

"Only once briefly when he met with Maggie." Thinking back I remember how he made me feel uncomfortable that day.

**"What is it?"**

"I had forgotten how he made me uncomfortable that day."

**"Why is this the first I am hearing about this? Some man makes a pass at you and you don't bother to tell me. Damn it Ana!"**

"It wasn't a pass exactly. He never said anything inappropriate, it was just the way he said it. Honestly I had forgotten all about it. It was the same day that you had your plane crash and it wasn't important."

**"You're right. I shouldn't have yelled at you. You have to promise to tell me any time someone makes you uncomfortable. You need to learn and trust your instincts."**

I know he is right. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and this time it has put me in quite a pickle.

**"I want you to send me everything you know about Mr. Yates. If you can get your hands on a copy of that contract it would be helpful." **

** Luke pulls up to GEH and I have to force myself to get out of the car. I don't want to leave her alone, not yet. I have no choice. My day is crammed with meetings and I know she would just refuse to go home. I love and hate her stubbornness. **

**"Take care of my girl Luke. I am depending on you."**

**_"Yes sir. I won't let her out of my sight."_**

**"Ana call me immediately if he contacts you. I mean it. IMMEDIATELY!"**

I know better than to argue. After all this time I realize that he is not demanding it of me because he wants to control me. He is scared and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it. He overdramatizes my safety sometimes. I am sure that I am not in harm's way, but after the last year I can't blame him for being overly cautious and I should follow his lead. Luke parks at WP and follows me inside. Maggie is waiting for me at my desk. I pray that Jeff hasn't called and complained about our meeting. She is smiling so I can only assume she has no idea what happened.

_"How did it go?" Maggie says optimistically._

"Can we talk in your office?" I am not sure why I asked that. It was only the 3 of us and Luke. Luke knew the situation and Mark needed to. I just felt more comfortable having Maggie sit at her desk. She sits behind her desk as I sit in the chair directly adjacent.

"I am not sure how to tell you this…" I trail off. She looks confused. "It didn't go well."

_"What do you mean? It was just lunch what could have gone wrong?"_

"He hit on me."

_"Oh, so he is attracted to you. That explains his obsession with working only with you. Did you let him know that you were engaged? He backed down right?"_

"I did tell him, but he didn't back off. In fact he took as a personal challenge. He is determined to be with me and I just don't know if I can work with him. I'm sorry Maggie."

_"How did you get out of the situation? I assume you did okay because otherwise he would have called me furious,"_

I explain everything from start to finish. She seemed pleased with my choice of words.

"I don't want this to affect WP. I am sorry you have done so much for me, but I just couldn't take the harassment. I love Christian and I won't do anything to jeopardize what we have."

_"Nonsense Ana! You did fine. Mark would have killed him personally had he talked to me that way. I can't believe Christian was able to control his anger. He showed great restraint and I am grateful."_

"Christian may be a hot head sometimes, but he respects you and Mark and he would never do anything to hurt your business. I am sure he has had his fair share of desperate women in his day." The thought makes me giggle. I can't imagine Christian putting up with a forward woman trying to close a business deal. He would be appalled.

_"Well let's just see how it plays out. I will remove you and make an excuse if you want?"_

"No, if he will respect my boundaries I will still be his editor. I know he will bring in a lot of clients so I will try to make it through this first book."

_"I agree if we can get one book published for this asshole then it will generate enough buzz that if he leaves it won't hurt so badly. I am sorry this is happening Ana. Make sure you tell me if he gets out of line. I won't let any author, I don't care how influential treat my family this way. Mark is going to be livid."_

I can't believe my ears. She called me family. I have always felt close to the Williams, since the first day I started working here, but to know that they care about me enough to consider me family touches my heart.

"I will I promise. Christian is doing some checking. Don't worry he will be discreet. I was curious if you minded if he looked over his contract? I know you have attorneys but Christian may be able to help if he tries to break it."

_"I will email everything I have to you. Tell Christian thank you. He really doesn't have to do that."_

"I don't think he would take no for an answer. This is Christian's way of letting Mr. Yates know he is messing with the wrong girl." Maggie gives me a knowing smile. I go back to my desk relieved that our conversation went so well.

I forward Maggie's email to Christian. I express my relief over mine and Maggie's conversation. I know Christian is neck deep in meetings so I assume I won't hear back from him anytime soon. I was wrong. He seems content that I am moving so quickly with his request. Christian Grey will learn eventually that I have never opposed his need for order and control I just want him to trust me to understand and even be helpful when it comes to my own well-being. Luke sits with me the rest of the day. Around 3 pm I receive an email from Jeff. He is forwarding me his manuscript. The email is vague and fairly professional. I have a feeling he is trying to gain my trust in order to put me in a compromising situation later. I will have to be very careful and aware. I cannot let my guard down with Jeff Yates for any reason. I forward the email to Maggie with a blind copy to Christian. I need as many people in my corner as possible. At the end of the day Luke drives me home. Christian has beat me there and I can't wait to put the stress of today out of my mind.

_"Ana, Christian wants to see you in his office." Gail informs me as I enter the foyer._

The door is closed, I let myself in. Christian has shed his coat and tie sitting behind his desk. He looks so freaking hot. I wonder if I could convince him to take me on his desk. He raises his eyes to mine.

**"Like what you see Miss Steele?"**

"I certainly do Mr. Grey."

**"Tell me what you want."**

I blush. "I want you to fuck me on your desk, sir."

**Holy shit! She said sir. She is giving me a small taste of her submissive nature. I want to rip her clothes off and take her right now, but I know she is really asking for me to take control and I will hold off until I have discussed my findings on Mr. Yates.**

**"Sit down Miss Steele." She obeys immediately making me want her even more. "I have some things I need to discuss with you and then you are going to take your clothes off and let me fulfill your request."**

His voice is low and commanding. I can feel the moisture in my panties. I don't know what has gotten into me. Today at lunch I was so turned on by his possessiveness. When he spoke I just found myself mesmerized by his demeanor and without even thinking I called him sir. If I am honest with myself I would love to submit completely to Christian, especially on stressful days like today when I could get lost in my own worries and thoughts. Not that I want to be like his contracted submissives. I just want him to take the pressure off of me. I want him to command me allowing me to relax and just go with it.

**"Anastasia."**

Oh he is using my full name. He must really be enjoying this. I like that this may be pleasurable for him, I know it is for me. I look up concentrating on his voice.

**"You need to listen to me. I did a background check on Mr. Yates. He comes back clean. He has only been with one publisher since his first release which makes it all the more strange that he would want to leave. They were treating him like royalty. I can't find anything suspicious on him. He has lived in New York for the last 10 years, but he grew up here in a suburb of Seattle. I am hoping that Welch can dig further back maybe into his adolescent years here in Washington. Something is amiss. I can't put my finger on it, but the fact that I can find no evidence of past relationships or even interests in women or men is odd."**

I smirk and I see that it doesn't please him. I decide to stay in my role.

**"Something funny Miss Steele?"**

"No sir. "

**"Ana I am asking you to tell me your thoughts. I don't want to play for the time being."**

"Okay. I was just thinking that if someone was to look into your past they would find a similar situation, at least until now."

**"Good point. Hmm. I have an idea. I will talk to Welch about it tomorrow."**

"Care to share?"

**"I will when I have more answers. Now let's play. Get undressed and get your sweet ass over here."**

"Yes sir." The anticipation is killing me. I drop my clothes and slowly walk toward him. His eyes are dark and flooded with desire. I love that I have this effect on him.

**"Move faster Anastasia."**

I keep my face passive although I want so badly to smile. I move quickly standing at the edge of the desk with my hands behind my back.

**"Good girl now stand with your hands on the desk and your legs spread." She obeys immediately. Fuck she looks so hot like this. I stroke her ass with my hands. "You have a beautiful ass Anastasia. I am going to bend you over the desk and fuck you hard. Do you understand?"**

"Yes sir."

**My cock twitches every time she says sir. "Do not move your hands. Keep your palms flat on the desk. You will not come until I tell you to. Do you understand?"**

"Yes sir."

**"I want you to repeat back to me what I have said."**

"You are going to fuck me from behind. I am to keep my hands flat on the desk and only come when you command."

**"Good girl." I smack her hard quickly on each cheek. She jumped a little then I slammed into her. "Fuck you are so wet and ready for me." I keep my pace hard and fast. I could tell she was trying to be quiet. "I want to hear you Anastasia." Immediately she moaned loudly only driving me further into my pleasure. It didn't take long before I could feel her body tensing. "Not yet. You are not to come yet. Understood?"**

"YES SIR!" My words come out as a moaning scream. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. My palms are sweating and sliding along the slick surface of the desk. I am fighting my orgasm and my hand placement. This is like heavenly torture. All thoughts of the day are gone. This was exactly what I needed. Just when I think I won't be able to hold on any longer Christian speaks.

**"Come for me Anastasia!" I yell it knowing that my release will follow shortly. Her body practically collapses with pleasure. Her words surprise me. **

"THANK YOU SIR!" I don't even think about the words they just roll out as my body is filled with gratification.

**I always thought Ana would be a great sub and this session proves that I was right. I don't want her to be my sub though, I enjoy our love making too much. This proves she trusts me in all aspects and my chest swells with pride. I remove myself and cradle her in my arms. She is like a limp noodle. The stress of today was hard on her and she needed to give me control. This was as much for her as for me and I loved her for it. **


	109. Chapter 109

**A little insight to Jeff Yates. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Reviews please!**

**Chapter 109**

**"Ana? We need to eat dinner."**

"I don't want to. I just want you to hold me forever."

**"As much as I would love that you have to eat. I am sure you didn't eat lunch with all the drama that unfolded."**

He was right I had only had yogurt and some fruit this morning on my way out the door. No wonder my energy was zapped. My limbs feel boneless and I am not sure I could even walk now if I tried. "Will you carry me?"

**I take her the couch and dress her. Her body is so limp and I know she is exhausted physically and emotionally. I fight back the urge to lecture her about her eating. She wouldn't be this worn out if she had just put some damn food in her stomach. I will let it go for now. Once she is dressed I pick her up and take her to the dining room. **

**"Ana I want you to eat dinner and then I am going to run you a bath. Then I want you to go straight to bed."**

"Okay." Is all I can say. I am famished and I eat every last crumb on my plate. I know that Christian was probably seething that I forgot to eat. He didn't lose it and I know that was growth. My lips curl into a small smile. I can't help but be proud at all the progress we are making. I do hope that we can continue to grow, but most of all I hope that our session in his office pleased him as much as it pleased me.

"Christian, can I ask you a question?"

**"Anything."**

"Did you enjoy yourself?" I don't look up from my plate. I don't want to see if he was disappointed. I just want to please him. Knowing my experience is more than just lacking in this area I suddenly feel insecure.

**"Ana look at me." Her eyes look up, but she keeps her head down. "No one has EVER pleased me the way you do." I mean every word. I don't want her to feel insecure about her lack of experience. I love that I am the only man to ever touch her in that way. I love that she wants to please me so much.**

"Really?" How can that be? I know looking in his eyes that he is telling the truth. Relief floods over me.

**"Let's get you a bath." I carry her to the bathroom and run the water. I start to undress.**

"Are you going to join me Mr. Grey?"

**"I thought I would, if you'll have me." She just giggles stripping her clothes off. I wrap her into my arms nuzzling my head in her hair. She smells delicious. Once we are settled in the tub she lays her head back against my chest.**

**"Did you want what happened in my office or was that just for me? I don't want you to ever do anything that you aren't comfortable with. You please me Ana, don't ever think I am not completely satisfied with you."**

"I loved it! Really Christian it was amazing. I guess I realized that I want you to take charge, I need it. For the first time I wasn't overthinking anything, I just did what felt natural. It felt so empowering, which seems odd to me since I was submitting everything to you." I hope I am making sense. He kisses my neck and when his hot breath hits my skin I am filled with chills. The way my body reacts to him, like it has a mind of its own. "Christian?" He hums into my ear. I can feel his erection in my back, seems like his body is reacting as well. "I want the playroom back."

**"What?" Did I hear her correctly?**

"I want us to redo the playroom. Today was so wonderful. I want to have a place that I can lose myself in you like that. I don't want to lose what we have in our bedroom because I love making love to you. I just…" Before I can finish he spins me around to face him. His eyes are filled with a mixture of emotions. "Are you okay?"

**"I am better than okay. I love you so much. I never could have dreamed to find a woman so perfect for me. We are going to have a great life together Ana. Right now I want to worship you and then hold you in my arms all night. Tomorrow we can discuss the playroom."**

He did just that and I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. The next morning I woke up wrapped up in Christian. He is so beautiful when he sleeps. I could watch him for hours. Tuesday morning and I don't have to rush off. I will make us breakfast and we can discuss the playroom as promised. I am excited about making it 'ours'. Christian saunters into the kitchen with his sleepy eyes and messy hair. God he looked so fuckable. . if I was sure Gail wasn't lingering somewhere in the house I would have him dominate. He has created a monster. I never would have dreamed I would love this so much. We make a plan to go shopping this weekend for the playroom. I can see how happy Christian is about this and I have to admit I am too. He promises to teach me everything so I can make a more informed decision as to what I want to try.

I arrive at WP just before 8 am. Maggie and Mark are already working away. I make myself some tea and sit down to check emails. Nothing notable in my inbox so I start reading Jeff's manuscript. I want to get this done quickly in hopes to be rid of him. I lose myself in the story it is fascinating. It reads as an autobiography except the main character's name is not Jeff it is Tyler. The story line involves a young boy destroyed by his parent's divorce. His father had left his mother for a much younger woman. His mother loses herself in alcohol leaving the boy to fend for himself, by 16 he was constantly skipping school and getting in trouble with local authorities. Until one day he meets an attractive older woman that seduces him. As I read on I get sick at my stomach. This can't be right. How could he know all of these details? Where did he get this information? I call Christian immediately.

"Are you busy?"

**"Not too bad, is everything okay?"**

"Yes and no. I am fine, but I need you to see something. Can I come by for lunch?"

**"I can't wait, I'll have Andrea pick up lunch."**

"No let me pick something up on my way. I am sure you have Andrea busy on something more important than getting me fed."

**"Ha! You know there is little that is more important than that."**

"I forgot who I was talking to. Really, I'll pick something up. See you in an hour. I love you Chrisitain."

**"I love you Ana."**

After hanging up I continue to read. I literally cannot put it down. I am getting insight the likes of which I would have never dreamed. Maggie startles me mid-sentence.

_"Ana? Are we still on for lunch?"_

"Crap. I'm sorry Maggie I totally forgot can we do it tomorrow? I already made plans with Christian."

_"Sure. Is that Jeff's manuscript?"_

I shake my head. Yes.

_"What do you think?"_

"He's good. I'll give him that. The man knows how to write."

_"Great! Well at least he has one positive trait. Have fun with Christian."_

Luke takes me to pick up lunch. Christian is at Andrea's desk when I arrive, I assume going over his schedule for the rest of the week. He smiles and barks some nonsense to Andrea who jots it down. Placing his hand on my lower back he guides me into his office. We eat and chat. I want him to enjoy this time because I am about to drop an bomb and I am not sure how he will react. 

**"So what did you want to show me?"**

I hand him the manuscript. He looks confused. "Start reading, preferably in Chapter 25." He does as I ask. The blood drains from his face.

**"What is this? Who wrote this? This isn't? Is it?"**

I just nod confirming his fears.

**"How the fuck does he know any of this?" I start to pace running my hands through my hair. This is my fucking worst nightmare. **

"I don't know. I was hoping you had some ideas."

**"I couldn't even begin to imagine. The only person that could have shared this information, but that isn't possible, she wouldn't do that."**

"Are you sure about that Christian?" I want to touch him and ease his pain. He is pacing obviously panicked.

**"You read this?"**

"it's my job Christian."

**"Are you okay?"**

He's seriously worried about me. This could destroy him and he's worried about my feelings. "I'm fine Christian. I am past this. I am just worried about you. There is no way anyone could know it was you. In fact I am not sure it was."

**"What are you saying?"**

"I'm saying it is written from a very personal point of view. He would have to be a genius to take second hand information and spin it in such a personal way. I have read all of his books and it isn't possible."

**"Ana are you saying this is about him?"**

"I think it is. Do you think I'm crazy?"

**"Not at all, it makes sense. I know Elena had partners before me, I just assumed they were her age or older. If this is true Ana Elena was the worst sort of predator. How many young guys did she do this to?" **

I walk to him touching his arm. His mind is reeling at the revelation. The pain in his eyes is killing me. "We need to get to the bottom of this. Could this explain why he wanted me for his editor? Does he know about you and Elena? I can't help but wonder what his intentions are."

**"This is starting to make more sense. I am not sure what his intentions are, but I need to get to the bottom of this."**

"Let me help you."

**"How?"**

"You are going to have to trust me. I promise to communicate everything with you. No secrets, but if I play on his attraction a little I could get some information out of him."

**"Absolutely NOT! You will not put yourself in danger. Let me think. I am sure I can figure out something. I don't want you involved. My past has already hurt you too much."**

"Christian , I am so much more secure with us now. I want to help. I understand your concerns, but I don't want to see you hurt either. "

**"This is not up for discussion Ana. I mean it!"**

I know better than to push when he is this adamant. I will do it his way for now. We can revisit this at a later date.


	110. Chapter 110

Thanks for reviews. This wasn't where I was originally going with Jeff Yates, but it just felt right. I hope I can make it all come together for you.

Chapter 110

"I emailed you a digital copy of the book. Read it and see if you can figure out what his motives are. I haven't quite finished it, but I will this afternoon and we can talk tonight about a strategy."

**"Ana, really I would rather you stay away from this altogether."**

"It is too late for that. I am smack dab in the middle of it. I promise to be careful and not do anything that would cause you any undue stress, but I am as protective of you as you are of me. I don't like the fact that he is messing with your head. I want to nail this bastard to the wall."

**"Wow you are sounding more and more like me."**

"We both protect those we love Christian it is a quality that I love about you. You need to learn to respect that I am in this with you. We need to be a team or he will find a weakness and take advantage. If we are right and he was groomed by Elena he will be as ruthless as you are. Unlike you I doubt Jeff has much of a heart or conscience."

**I know she is right. We are going to have to present a united front. I will have to trust her with everything and hope it doesn't put her in danger. If anything happens to Ana I won't survive. I have almost lost her so many times. We are in a good place and I am scared to death that this may be the calm before the storm.**

"Christian this can only make us stronger. I know I haven't proven recently how committed I am to us, but I am. You won't lose me. I don't care about your past. I am so over that. I don't ever want to be that girl again. The only thing I see that can destroy us is secrets. I don't want any secrets. We have to tell each other everything."

**"I don't want to lose you. I could care less if I am exposed I just can't lose you Ana. I won't survive."**

I don't say anything I just tenderly kiss his lips holding his head in my hands. Then I place my forehead against his and look deep into his beautiful grey eyes. I can see his vulnerability and I so my best to relieve his doubts. "Failure isn't an option. We will not be beaten and you will not lose me. I need you to put on your business face and fight with me."

**Her words cause something to snap in my brain. She is right. I have never accepted failure. I am Christian Fucking Grey and this low life is not going to take everything that is important to me. I love that Ana knows me so well. "You're right. We will both read the manuscript. I will talk to Welch about digging up some more dirt and we will talk tonight about a strategy."**

"I love you Mr. Grey. I will see you tonight." I leave with Luke leaving Christian to sort through this mess. Back at the office I finish the manuscript. It is obvious that he is leaving it open for a sequel. I shoot of an email to Mr. Yates. Keeping it formal and only suggesting that I have completed my assessment and would like to discuss it as soon as possible. I copy Maggie an d blind copy Christian which is my intention on all of my correspondence with Yates. I an immediate reply asking for a meeting, he wants to meet at a restaurant. Out of the question; we all know how that turned out last time. I delicately side step this suggestion and make arrangements for a meeting Friday here at the offices. That should give me time to discuss a strategy with Christian and hopefully gain more knowledge about his motives. I open a word document and make a timeline. I want to try to put the pieces together. I start with his first meeting with Maggie. It was the very day that I arrived home from New York. I look over Maggie's notes. She had received a phone call out of the blue just 2 days prior. It is definitely strange. Normally publishing houses are contacted by the author's agent. That was not the case with Yates. I make a note to research who is agent is and find out why he left them out of the loop. Then the way he interacted with me that day, I just took him to be a narcissistic celebrity. Now looking back it should have alarmed me that he requested I be his editor. That very night Christian had the accident. Oh God, could he have had something to do with that? I will have to ask Christian about the investigations findings. Elena was alive then, so was Jeff in contact with her? That will be something Christian can find out. It wouldn't surprise me. She was obsessed with getting rid of me. Hell she recruited my abusive ex-stepfather in her evil plan. Maybe someone should try to get information out of Stephen. I am not quite ready to see him face to face. Carrick? I wonder if Carrick would help us out? Oh no that won't work he definitely would divulge the lifestyle and I am sure Christian would rather his parents didn't know about that. Maybe Christian will have some ideas. The mailman comes into the office, greets me with smile and places a large stack of mail on my desk. I start to sort through it all. About halfway down I spot it, an identical envelope to the one that contained Elena's original note. My hands begin to shake. This time I choose not to open it. I don't want to go into a tailspin. Picking up the office phone I dial Christian. Andrea puts me straight through.

"I got another one."

**"Another what Ana?"**

"Another note from Elena, the mailman just dropped it off."

**"What does it say?"**

"I don't want to open it. I thought I would just bring it home to you and let you see what it says."

**"I think that is wise. Maybe I can get some information off of the envelope. Don't worry we are going to figure this out."**

"I know I just can't believe how twisted this all is. I have been making a few notes, I want to go over them tonight if you are up for it."

**"Of course, I just finished the book. I made some notes as well. We can compare."**

"Sounds great! I think we are going to make a great team. Thanks for trusting me. I will see you tonight."

**"See you then, oh and Ana thanks for keeping me in your communication loop with Yates. It keeps my mind at ease."**

"I understand. I love you."

We hang up. I place the envelope in my purse and continue with my notes. Jeff must know about Christian and Elena, but how did he find out and who is he trying to hurt? Was he trying fulfilling Elena's revenge or his own? Did he see Christian and I in New York? Something doesn't add up. If Elena was asking for his help, he lived in New York City. Christian and I were there practically unguarded for over a month. Why fly to Seattle, sign with a publishing company that I worked for and then wait until almost 7 months to make a move. Maybe Christian can help me figure this all out. My brain is getting tired with all the twists and turns this scenario is taking. Luke interrupts my thoughts reminding me that it is time to go home. Had I been working on that for 3 hours? The time had flown and I am still no closer to figuring this out. I find Christian in his office. I had printed out 2 copies of my notes and brought the manuscript with me. Christian looked them over and smiled.

**"This is going to be helpful."**

We go over all of my points. Christian assures me that his plane crash was a force of nature. Nothing was tampered with. I breathe a sigh of relief. He, like me is stumped on why Yates would have traveled to Seattle to get to us when he had full access in New York.

**"Welch found that the beginning of his story mirrors his own life to a T. You are right Ana this is an autobiography. I am not sure why he is doing a series except to throw people off to the fact that it is nonfiction. I will have him go back through Elena's records specifically looking for a connection with Yates. It should take a day or two so in the mean time we need to discuss a plan for your meeting Friday. What were you thinking?"**

"I was just planning on being vague. I will bore him to death with the technical side of the editing process. I also plan on playing the naïve/dumb role when discussing the lifestyle. Maybe tell him I think it seems far-fetched." A year ago it would have seemed that way. How my innocent little world has changed since meeting Christian Grey. "I am hoping that it will make him believe that I don't know anything about yours and Elena's lifestyle. If he was in contact with Elena he will know I am lying and may get frustrated revealing some of his motives."

**"That is risky. I am not sure I am comfortable with you taking a risk like that."**

"I promise to have Luke present. I don't think he will hurt me in public. Something tells me he would rather do that in private, like he was trained."

**"Good point Miss Steele. Okay, but I want Luke with you at all times."**

"Deal. We need to find a way to get information from Stephen. I want to know if he knew Yates. What if they are in this together?"

**"Let me deal with that. You just concentrate on Friday. I underestimate you Miss Steele. You are quite the sleuth."**

"I have really worked up an appetite. Can we eat now?"

**"That's my girl."**

The rest of the evening we both try to put the whole sorted mess out of our minds. The next few days was going to be stressful and we knew it. Saturday's excursion to prepare the new playroom was looking more and more inviting.


	111. Chapter 111

Thanks for the reviews. I am not sure how much writing I will be able to do before Monday. Softball starts for my daughter, basketball is wrapping up for my son and my hubby is traveling for the next 10 days so I will post as I can. Thanks as always for reading. Suggestions are always welcome. Happy Reading!

Chapter 111

"Christian, Mia just called. Your mom has started to feel the effects of her chemo. She thinks it would be a good idea if each of us starts to drop in and check on her every afternoon. Apparently your dad has been working overtime on a big case."

**"Ok. Mia is right. We don't need to leave her alone. I can go by tomorrow after work. Maybe I can pick you up on the way?"**

"I know she will appreciate seeing you. When was the last time you went by?"

**"It's been a while. I've been busy."**

"I know." Secretly I also know that he is dreading seeing his mom sick.

The next morning I make some phone calls and find that Rachel Watson, one of the most popular agents was fired by Yates just 2 weeks before his trip to Seattle. I am still debating calling her. Maybe I can get Maggie to help out. Ms. Watson will be more likely to disclose information to someone well established in the publishing world. I will ask her at lunch. In the mean time I start reading Yates' story again, this time for technical errors. If I am going to meet with him on Friday I better make sure I have done my job.

_"Ana, I was thinking Lowell's for lunch?"_

"Sounds good let's go. Do you mind if Luke drives us? I'm still not accustom to walking the incline."

_"Of course, let me grab my purse."_

Luke drops us near the entrance then leaves to find parking. I see him enter the restaurant just as Maggie and I are being seated. He keeps his distance, something I appreciate. Luke knows that I am uncomfortable with having an entourage and I do it only to ease Christian's mind. I have come to understand the dangers of being with the wealthiest man in Washington State, but it is still hard to not have the freedom that I used to have before meeting him.

_"I was hoping we could come up with a game plan for getting your book printed," Maggie says. "Did you get Kelly's notes?"_

"I did, I haven't had the chance to get back to her, but I was planning on doing that this weekend. I also wanted to talk to about something." She nods and I continue. "I was wondering if we could print the book under a pen name. I just don't want it to sell solely because I am the fiancé of Christian Grey. I really want to see if my writing is accepted. This may cause an issue to you. I know that you are in this to sell books and we both know that I may be forfeiting some revenue based on curiosity."

_"Ana this is your book and we will do this how you see fit. I respect that you are not trying to ride Christian's coat tails. You are an excellent writer and I know this book will be successful with or without the Grey name attached."_

"Thank you so much Maggie. I have one more favor."

_"Name it."_

"Would you mind doing a little undercover work for me regarding Jeff Yates?"

_"Is it legal?" she laughs._

"Yes, silly. I just was curios if you would contact his ex-agent and try to get the inside scoop as to why he fired her."

_"I was curious myself. Me and Mark had already discussed doing some investigating in case this deal went south. My answer is yes. I assume you have her info?"_

I promise to email her when we get back. We eat lunch and Luke takes us back to the office. I bury myself in my previous task and at 5 pm Luke takes me to Escala to meet Christian. I am nervous about seeing Grace. I have talked you her almost daily on the phone, her spirits always high even though she sounded weak. I know this is going to be hard on Christian and I only hope I can be the rock he needs. Taylor drives us to Bellevue. Neither of us speak during the entire trip. I just hold Christian's hand as he looks out the window. After pulling up the long drive Christian exits the car and comes around to open my door. He looks me in the eyes and kisses my cheek. I hug him tightly assuring him that no matter what I am here for him. Gretchen answers the door leading us to the family room.

"Is Grace asleep?" I ask.

_"No she is getting dressed. She should be down shortly."_

"Thanks Gretchen." I say as Gretchen leaves the room.

**"It is 5:30 in the afternoon and my mother is not dressed? This cannot be good. Rarely have I seen her in her pajamas past 7 am."**

"Christian you need to stay positive for your mom. Remember she needs us to be strong."

He just nods and squeezes my hand. Just a few moments later Grace enters. She has lost a considerable amount of weight, has dark circles under her eyes and has her head wrapped in a scarf. Mia has warned me that she recently shaved her head to beat the chemo from making it fall out. Seeing Christian's face now maybe I should have warned him.

_"Wow, judging by my son's face I must look awful." Grace smiles._

**"No mom. I am sorry. I just haven't seen you in a while. Are you eating? You look too thin."**

_"My darling boy." She touches his face. "I am eating as much as the chemo will allow. Please don't be distressed by my caloric intake. I am sorry to distress you."_

**My voice quivers. She looks like death. I know I need to be strong, but this is more than I anticipated. "No mom. I'm sorry. You know how I am about food. I should have known better, it was just a habit." I will myself not to cry. I won't break down. Ana is right we need to be strong and I can do strong. I will remain stoic for my mother's sake.**

"Grace, Mia mentioned that you had taken an sabbatical from the hospital."

_"Yes, I have just been so tired. I couldn't possibly keep up. I was hoping not to, but we all have limits."_

"Well I think you did the right thing. I am sure they were sorry to see you go, but your health is obviously more important. Not to mention it can't be good for you to be around all those sick people with your immune system so low."

_"You are absolutely correct Ana. I was just fooling myself to think it possible to continue work." _

She looks sad and I instantly feel awful for mentioning it. "Let's play some cards." I need to do something. The atmosphere is depressing. Christian is obviously on the verge of some sort of breakdown and I have managed to depress Grace after being here less than 10 minutes.

_"That's a great idea. I will get the deck. Christian would you like to play?"_

**"Of course mother." I need to get control. I know Ana is trying to help. I hate seeing my mom so fragile. She is such a fighter. She comes back with the cards and we start a game of Texas Hold Em'. I never knew they knew how to play, funny how the two most important women in my life are constantly full of surprises. The rest of the evening we play. Ana is quite good and I am glad I am not a gambler. I only gamble in business. Good thing because Miss Steele would put me in the pour house. I still haven't figured out her tell. I pride myself on being stoic and unreadable and yet she has my number. Gretchen brings us dinner. Mom does a good job and nibbling at her plate. I spend most of the evening listening to the two of them converse. I still am not sure what to say. Just after Gretchen clears the dishes mom mentions how tired she is. Ana offers to take her upstairs and see her to bed. **

**"What time will dad be home?"**

_"Late. He is killing himself on a case. I think he is partially avoiding the house. Like you he doesn't do well seeing me sick."_

**"Ana and I will stay until he arrives."**

_"Nonsense, Gretchen is here. I will be fine. I will be sleeping so no need to exhaust yourself with worry."_

**"Are you sure? We don't mind."**

_"I am absolutely sure. Thank you for coming sweetheart. It was so good to see you. Please come more often."_

**"I will I promise. I love you mom."**

_"And I love you my darling boy."_

**Ana helps her up the stairs. Once they are out of sight, I suddenly need a drink. I pour myself some scotch and wait for Ana to return. What will I do if she doesn't make it? She is so weak and frail. My mother is always put together. Even at 4 when she examined me in the hospital I admired her strength. She never fussed or whined about not being able to hug me or the fact that I didn't speak for 2 years. She found ways to show her love all the while staying calm, collected and strong. I need to speak with my dad. I know he is stressed, but I could see the sadness in her eyes to the fact that he is avoiding her. I know that my tendencies to bury myself in work when I am stressed come directly from my father. I admire that about him. He was always a good provider, but now my mom needs him, she needs us and we will have to step up. I don't know if I can watch her die in front of me. I want to run away. I already witnessed my birth mother's death. This is going to be so much harder. I run my hands through my hair and I pour another drink.**

"Christian?" I am concerned. He rarely drinks. We both like wine with our meal, but hard liquor is reserved for his most stressful times. He turns to look at me. I see the tears in his eyes. I move toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "She is going to be okay. The chemo is doing its job. Granted the outward effects aren't pleasant on the eyes, but nevertheless it is working." He just sobs in my neck. I hate that he is hurting so bad. I wish I could take the pain from him. I know this is something he is going to have to work through on his own. "Whatever you need I am here. Okay?"

**"Okay." I choke out. I have become a blubbering mess of a man since I met her. What the hell has she done to me? I need to get a grip. Crying is not going to help my mom. I need to take action. I will call my dad, then Mia and Elliot. We need to make sure mom knows we are here. "Let's go home."**

We get in the car and he already seems better. I never thought I would ever see Christian cry. The fact that he trusts me with such emotion means so much. He trusts me and I love him for it.


	112. Chapter 112

**I know it has been a while. Sorry. Here is a short chapter. I will try to post several short ones this week. Reviews please. I need some encouragement... : )**

**Chapter 112**

**"Where did you learn to play Texas Hold Em'?"**

I know he is surprised that I was beating the pants off him. He prides himself on being unreadable. To many that is true, but he forgets how all of his emotions shine through his eyes. It was so easy to know when he was bluffing.

"Me, Kate and Jose used to play every Thursday night. Not to mention my dad had a standing guy's game every week when I was growing up."

**"You are good. I couldn't figure out your tell. I can't believe you stumped me."**

"Yours is easy. It's in the eyes."

**"No way! I was so careful."**

"I know you better than most and your eyes give you away in every situation. Don't worry it is only a gift that I have. I don't think you are in danger of jeopardizing any business."

**"Funny Miss Steele! I was thinking maybe I should get you to negotiate for me."**

"Aw hell no! I have no interest in dealing with boring, 3 piece suit wearing, over confident business men."

**"Now you are just being cruel. You just described me perfectly."**

"Mr. Grey you and I know there is nothing boring about you. Plus no one could look as sexy as you in your 3 piece suit."

**"Are you flirting with me Miss Steele?"**

"Yep!" I bite my bottom lip, knowing it makes him crazy. He needs a good distraction right now.

**"Are you biting your lip on purpose?" She just smile and shakes her head. The things I want to do to her right now. "You may regret that."**

"I doubt it." I want him to use me to forget all his concerns. The noise he makes is almost like a primal growl. Good thing we are minutes from Escala or I may be in danger of having car sex with Taylor in ear shot. Just as we pull in Christian bolts telling Taylor to take the service elevator. He opens my door and his eyes are full of uninhibited passion. He scoops me up carrying me to the elevator. As the elevator opens I know what is going to happen next.

**I carry her into the elevator and tell her to wrap her hands around my neck. Once I pull the emergency stop lever I push her skirt up and rip her underwear from her body. "I am going to fuck you Anastasia. This is for me. You cannot come. You know what biting your lip does to me and yet you teased me on purpose. Now you will be punished. Do you understand?"**

"Yes sir." I knew there would be consequences for my actions. This was my goal. Now he will feel in control and relieve stress. I am finally understanding that by taking a submissive role with Christian I have just as much power as he does as a dom. We need the roles to be defined. Yesterday he helped relieve my stress and today I will do the same for him. It is almost impossible to control my orgasm this time. The fact that I am bringing him relief gives me overwhelming pleasure. Somehow I comply and as he finishes and sets me on the ground I can feel that I am still just on the edge.

**God she is everything I need. I know it took all she had to stave off her orgasm. "Go straight to the bedroom. I am not finished with you yet." I kiss her neck and she moans. She is so fucking sexy.**

I scramble to the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed. Christian is not far behind closing and locking the door. He orders my clothes removed and I comply. He knows my game. I might be great at poker, but Christian knows me better than I know myself in the intimacy department. He spends the next several minutes rewarding me for complying with his punishment. Afterward we shower and eat dinner, then settle in for the evening relaxing in the tv room. I must have fallen asleep because I wake up the next morning in our bed. We both get ready for work, eat breakfast chatting over the coming weekend. I avoid anything dealing with his mom and he avoids all subjects that may lead to a reminder that I have to deal with Yates tomorrow. Luke drives me to WP and most of the day I continue making editorial notes that need to be gone over. Just after Maggie and Mark return from lunch the phone rings. I answer directing the call to Maggie. I am on pins and needles until finally Maggie calls me into her office. Knowing it was Rachel Watson my curiosity is piqued.

_"As you know that was Rachel Watson. She was shocked that Jeff had signed with us. As far as she knew he was leaving writing behind. She mentioned his mother is terminally ill and that is his reasoning for leaving New York."_

"Okay that makes sense on why he is back in Seattle, but why would he leave Rachel out of the loop on signing with us? If he changed his mind I would have expected him to contact her. After all she has been his agent from the very beginning."

_"Your guess is as good as mine. It is unusual that he would negotiate his own terms. Maybe I will ask him about it Friday when he comes in"_

I am more confused than ever. I need to find out when he arrived? Why he made Rachel think he was retiring? At what point did he choose to target Christian and me? Who exactly is the target? I can't seem to put my finger on it. I would naturally think it was me that he was after since I killed Elena and after reading his manuscript he obviously cared for her. However, he contacted WP long months before my showdown with Elena. Still could she have put him up to it? Could he have been sent as a diversion? The way he spoke to me at our first meeting could be an indicator. If that was true why wouldn't he have pursued me more diligently? I didn't hear a word from him even in a business sense. Ugh! This is maddening. I need to gather my thoughts and have a plan for our meeting tomorrow. I want information, but I don't want to push him to a corner he feels he needs to fight to get out of. That night at home I ask Christian to speak with me in his office.

"Maggie spoke with Jeff's agent today. She was surprised that he was still writing and that he signed with us."

**"Did she mention anything about his mother?"**

"How did you know?"

**"Welch called today informing me that Joan Yates was diagnosed with liver cancer last June. She has recently been moved to hospice and is not expected make it through April."**

"I have a feeling I don't want to know how he received that information."

**"It is best if you don't."**

"Christian, if I wasn't so anxious to get to the bottom of this I would be livid with you. How can you condone such behavior?"

**"Ana, I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. If that means breaking some privacy laws then so be it. This is not my standard MO. There are very few occasions that I would feel the need to dig into some ones private life, all of which center around those that I love."**

"Okay, what is your take on this? I can't seem to figure out what he is trying to accomplish? Did you find out if he was in contact with Elena?"

**"I know how they met initially. Jeff worked for a pool maintenance company when he was a teenager. Our entire neighborhood used the same company to service our pools. Elena must have taken a liking to him then. It is similar to the way she started our relationship. I did yard work for several neighbors. My dad felt it may be a good outlet for my anger. I guess he thought he would exhaust me so I wouldn't fight anymore."**

"Good God, Christian she was demented. You were both kids. She knew you were damaged and yet she used you to fuel some kind of sick fantasy. If she wasn't already dead….I swear!"

**"Don't do this to yourself Ana. Whatever happened to me is done. As sick as she was I have to take anything positive I can out of the whole thing. Right now I need to use my knowledge of Elena to figure out what Yates is up to. If this is too much for you…"**

"No I'm sorry. I don't want you to shut me out. I need to help with this. I want to help. Right now I need you to help me sort how to handle tomorrow's meeting. I want to get as much out of him without letting him know we are onto his little game."

We strategize late into the night. Christian teaches me some tricks that have helped him in business. They will not come natural to me. I am used to being an open book. I will have to be an excellent actress to pull this off.


	113. Chapter 113

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope you like this chapter. Happy Reading!

Chapter 113

My nerves were on edge as the time drew near. I kept running over in my mind my conversation with Christian last night. My palms were sweaty and my insides shaky, I hoped to keep them successfully concealed. At 10 am sharp Jeff Yates strolled into the office. I immediately glanced at Luke who in turn nodded in assurance that he was there if anything bad should happen. All I really wanted was for Christian to handle this. I know he would have no nerves in regard to the impertinent man now sitting directly across from me. I bite the bullet and speak first.

"Thank you for meeting with me this morning Mr. Yates, we have much to discuss regarding your manuscript."

**_"Please Miss Steele call me Jeff. I am very much looking forward to your thoughts on my work."_**

I try not to cringe at the tone in his voice. The first piece of advice bestowed on me by Mr. Grey was to be impassive. You cannot show any sort of emotion. As much as I would like to rip into him and interrogate his motives I know I must conduct myself properly.

"Mr. Yates, I do not want to seem rude, but ours is only a professional relationship and therefore I would find it highly inappropriate to call you by your first name. I would appreciate it as well if you gave me the same regard."

**_"So that is how you want to play this."_**

His tone is bordering on anger. I stay passive, although I can see Luke fidget knowing he is getting irritated.

"Let me start with allowing you to look through my markups. I am fully aware that you may have no interest in the technical side of my editing, however, you may find it useful to understand how I edit for further collaborations."

**_"Very well Miss Steele, I will read through your notes, later. Right now I would like to know what your opinion of the story is."_**

This man is arrogant and sarcastic, as if he knows what I am going to say. Well sir I can assure you that you do not. You know little of my character or my relationship with Christian. I want to say all if my previous thoughts out loud, but I suddenly here Christian's voice echoing in my head. **"Control is everything. You have to remain in control of the direction of the conversation if you plan to win his game of cat and mouse." **I gather my thoughts before I speak.

"I have no doubt that this will be a great selling novel. I can only assume that you are setting the reader up for a series which is brilliant. We all know series are all the rage right now."

**_"Miss Steele, please do not presume that I do not know how to write a book that will be wildly successful. I have a bank account that bears witness to my abilities. I want to know YOUR opinion of the story. DO NOT BE COIL!"_**

Luke rises and I nod for him to sit. Mr. Yates does not even notice my protection sitting nestled in the corner of the room. Just as I am going to speak Maggie and Mark both enter the room. Mark speaks first.

_"Mr. Yates, so nice to see you today. I couldn't help here you raise your voice. Is something the matter?" _

Mark stays calm although I see his fists tighten. I know Maggie has shared my lunch experience with him and knowing Mark is almost as possessive of Maggie as Christian is of me, I can only imagine is distain for a man like Yates. He has to be careful. His family's reputation depends on his ability to control his anger.

**_"No Mark, there is no problem. I got carried away in my excitement that is all."_**

_"If you would rather deal directly with Maggie or myself please do not hesitate in asking. It seems you have a weakness for getting carried away when it comes to Miss Steele."_

I try hard to conceal my smirk. Mark was jabbing him, subtly letting him know that I hide little from my employer.

Maggie takes the liberty to speak this time.

_"Mr. Yates if you would not mind when you have completed your meeting with Ana I would like to speak with you in my office."_

**_"Certainly Mrs. Williams I would be delighted."_**

They both retreat back to their prospective offices and Yates asks me more quietly this time, but with no less disdain what I thought of his work.

"Honestly Mr. Yates, I am not sure why it matters so much what I personally think of your work. We are in this business to sell books and I have on many occasions found myself the editor of manuscripts that tended to bore me to tears."

**_"Are you saying Miss Steele that my story was boring?"_**

I know I still have the upper hand. "Not at all I was just giving an example."

**_"It is quite important to me what you thought. Did it not bare some resemblance to another story I am sure you know well?"_**

"If you must know, I am not sure what story you are speaking of, but I found it a perfect fiction novel. It is farfetched and full of drama. Attributes which make a successful fiction novel."

I hope Christian would approve of my performance. I am remaining vague and keeping to the facts. I can tell it is irritating him. I hope to be able to draw out some more information without leading on that I have any idea that this may be about his life and parallel to Christian's.

**_"Now you are just being difficult. Are you honestly telling me that you find this story farfetched? I assure you Miss Steele there is nothing but facts throughout this novel. I find it hard to believe that you know nothing of the events that are written."_**

"Sir I am not trying to be difficult. I am not sure how you could possibly think I would have knowledge of any of the events in your writing. Furthermore, if this is some sort of biography we will need to get the written permission of the person you are writing about."

**"Obviously we are getting nowhere." He stands. "I will leave you and speak to Maggie. I will then go over your notes and maybe we can meet again next week."**

I have gotten nothing out of him that I don't already know. Unfortunately, I will have to meet with him again. Shit! This could have gone better. Maybe Christian will have some insight as to where I went wrong.

"Okay, take the weekend and we can meet here Monday. Same time?"

He nods and heads toward Maggie's office, closing the door behind him. I know already what she is discussing with him so I decide to shoot off an email to Christian reporting the findings or lack thereof in my interview of this allusive man. Just as I hit send Yates exits the office. He stands at my desk seemingly contemplating something.

**_"Miss Steele, you would be wise to share my manuscript with your fiancé. He may have some insight for you of the events that I speak of. In the meantime, know that you have been warned. A man as vindictive as Christian Grey is not deserving of such an innocent flower as yourself. The things I could teach you….Until next time Miss Steele." _**

As soon as the door closes and he is out of eye shot I release my breath. "Please tell me you heard that Luke?"

_"I did Ana. What in the world was he talking about?" _

I realize that unlike Taylor, Luke had never witnessed Christian's sub/dom relationships. I was in no frame of mind to explain.

"You need to speak to Taylor. I feel that it is in the best interest of my safety after such comments that Christian and Taylor fill you in to what Yates is talking about."

Thank goodness he does not press me further. I can't help but wonder after such a declaration if Christian is his intended target. Something hits me. Jeff is 5 years older than Christian. By the time Elena had gotten her claws into the man I love, Yates would have been 20 and most likely away at college. Christian had gone to Harvard at 18 only to return after 1 semester and continue in his affair for another 3 years. According to Christian he had been the one to break it off with her. What if Jeff was slighted by Elena when she met Christian? I bolt from my seat.

"Maggie, I need to go out. I will be back soon. I would love to know what Yates had to say to your acquisition."

_"Sure Ana, but I need to leave early today. I will only be around until about 2 pm."_

"I will be back before then. Thanks Maggie."

I inform Luke that I need to see Christian immediately. I need him to help me work through this. When I arrive at GEH, Luke is hard pressed to keep up with me.

_"Slow down Ana. What is the hurry?"_

"I am sorry Luke. I just need to speak with Christian ASAP."

Andrea sits smiling at her desk. I stroll past her as she informs me that Christian is with someone. I don't hear a word she says and I push the door open with some force. Immediately Andrea's words register. An impeccably clad man turns his head toward me. Christian has a look of horror in seeing me.

**"Is everything okay Ana? Are you okay?"**

I reassure him that I am fine apologizing for my intrusion. "I need to speak with you. I will just wait until you are done here. Come get me from the lobby."

**"Nonsense. This is Welch, were just discussing your email which can be done later." I stand from my desk reaching out my hand to guide her into an embrace. Welch seems to look away obviously not used to seeing me show any sort of affection. "Welch we can continue this another time. Go over the things we have already discussed." He nods and leaves the room after shaking Ana's hand and expressing his delight in finally meeting her.**

"That was Welch? He is young. I guess I was expecting an old Englishman that used to work in Scotland Yard."

**"You read far too many books for your own good. Now what is so important that you had to burst into my office unannounced?"**

"I am sorry about that. I sort of had tunnel vision and was not aware when Andrea told me you were busy."

**I sit bringing her to rest on my lap and nuzzling my head in her neck. I stroke her hair, getting lost in her scent. "You never have to announce yourself. No one harbors more importance. I don't care if I was meeting with the President of the United States, if you needed to speak with me he can wait."**

"I am quite surprised by your romanticism today Mr. Grey. You even showed little restraint in front of Welch, which by the way was noticeably uncomfortable for him."

**"I find it hard to restrain my desire when in your presence Miss Steele. You are after all my kryptonite."**

"Good to know Mr. Grey. I may very well use that to my advantage one day."

**"Please we both know you use it to your advantage daily. Now before I take you on my couch and unleash my desire on you, what did you urgently need to speak with me about?"**

I relay the final words of Yates. Christian becomes clearly agitated. He sets me in the chair as he crosses the room pacing and running his hands through his hair."

**"Why the FUCK would he say that to you. If I get my hands on him he will regret the day he even looked in your direction."**

"Christian, I understand your agitation, but listen to me please. He is playing a game and it irritated him so much that I would not humor his questions he had to give me a piece of the puzzle. I have a theory."

He looks up at me still angry, but intrigued. "I am not sure he knows that I killed Elena. What was the story that was released to the press? Did it mention me? I have to admit that I wasn't in the mindset to care one way or the other at the time."

**"You are right Ana. Elena's ex-husband chose to rule it a suicide. She was financially ruined and with no living family we saw no need to drag it out any further. The police agreed that it was obviously self-defense on your part and it would do no good dragging you through the press."**

"Oh Christian this is making more and more sense. You are his target. Oh God he is trying to hurt you."

**"There is no way he could hurt me. Short of killing me…"**

I can tell it hits him with full force. "Yes Christian he is trying to either turn me against you or steal me away from you. I am afraid he has been planning revenge for the fact that Elena chose you over him all those years ago. He must have loved her deeply. You have been very much like him with no female attachments. Then out of the blue I appear and he saw his opportunity. I am still unsure if Elena played on his emotions trying to get him to help her in her delusions to win you?"

**"Ana you are brilliant! Now we have to find a way to deter him. I am still not sure he will not hurt you in order to destroy me so you will need to continue in your feigning ignorance."**

"We have another meeting Monday so I will need to be prepared. Now all of this scheming has made me famished. Why don't you take me to lunch Mr. Grey."

**"I aim to please, Miss Steele."**


	114. Chapter 114

**Thanks for all the positive feedback. I'm glad you are all enjoying this little twist and the way that Ana and Christian are working together. Your feedback is always appreciated. I also welcome criticism. I have found that it too makes me rethink my direction for the better sometimes.**

**Chapter 114**

After a nice lunch Luke drives me back to work. I am anxious to hear about Maggie's conversation with Yates. I knock on her closed office door and she hollers for me to come in.

"Hey sorry to bother you, I was just curious what Yates had to say about your conversation with Rachel."

_"He acted like it was no big deal. In fact he never denied that he had led her to believe that he was retiring. He felt he had peaked and would at the very least be taking a long leave of absence from his writing."_

"Did he mention his mother's illness?"

_"Yes apparently she was recently moved to hospice. He seems to think it won't be long before she passes. He seemed strangely composed about the entire ordeal. I took it that he and his mother were not close and he was here purely out of obligation."_

"What was his reasoning for suddenly wanting to write again and wanting WP to be his publisher?"

_"He didn't really say, other than he was tired of the rat race of New York. He has been inspired again so he wanted a smaller company to produce his work. He was very blaze' about all of it, it seems to make sense. I have seen very successful writers go back to their roots. Somehow it makes them feel like artists again. They are usually the type that were serious about their work in the beginning and then just got wrapped up in the hoopla. I can only assume that is the case with Jeff Yates. Whatever his reasoning he seems content with you. I was surprised to hear him raise his voice to you. What was that all about?"_

"it was nothing, I think he just expected me to do nothing but praise his work and as you know I take my job seriously and I wanted him to know that I felt the need for revisions."

_"I am glad you didn't back down. Even the best writers can use a critical editor in their corner. Oh while you are hear can I ask a favor of you?"_

"Sure, anything."

_"Do you have plans tonight?"_

"I don't think so. What's up?"

_"Tonight is our standing monthly date night and my regular sitter is sick. All of the family has plans. I could just cancel it, but it has been stressful lately and I know we need an adult night in the worst way. Would you be willing to come to the house and babysit? I promise to have them fed and ready for bed when you arrive. Essentially you would just be present in case an emergency should arise."_

"I would love to. Please let me feed and bathe them. I love your kids and I can think of nothing I would love to do more."

_"Are you sure? I know it is last minute."_

"Maggie please! You and Mark have done so much for me. Any other job would have kicked my butt to the curb with all of my constant life drama. I owe you much more than a night of babysitting. Also, I mean it when I say I love Scout and Sawyer. "

_"Okay. We have reservations downtown at 7:30 pm. I am not sure what time we will be home? Sometimes we are too exhausted to do anything much after dinner and other times we get a wild hair and stay out late."_

"I am willing to stay as late as you need. I will be there at 6:30 that way you can get a drink and relax before dinner."

_"Thanks Ana. I owe you big."_

"No you don't!"

I leave her office and call Christian, hoping he doesn't have big plans for tonight. He picks up his cell.

**"Miss me?"**

"Always! Hey what did you have planned for tonight?"

**"Actually I have a late conference call that may put me in after dinner."**

"Okay, Maggie asked if I could babysit."

**"Please tell me you are going to their house."**

I chuckle at the thought of 2 little kids running around Escala. "Of course I'm going to their house. Were you worried they might get grimy handprints all over your pristine home?"

**"No, honestly I thought they would be bored out of their minds. We aren't really set up for entertaining children Anastasia."**

Oh, use of my full name. I must have touched a nerve. "I may be really late. I can just take Luke with me. He's good with kids and Sawyer really likes him."

**"How late?"**

"Maggie isn't sure, but don't wait up. I encouraged her to stay out as late as they need. Did you know they only have one date scheduled per month?"

**"Good Lord! We are definitely not having kids anytime soon and when we do we will have a full time nanny."**

"My kids are not being raised by a nanny!"

**"I had a nanny. Are you saying I turned out bad?"**

He has a point, I just don't want one for my kids. "I think we are a long way from having to worry about this so let's agree to disagree for now."

**"You're right. Do you want me to come by on my way home tonight?"**

"I would love to see you, but I am sure babysitting is not your idea of an exciting Friday night."

**"No, but if I get to be with you I am sure I can tolerate some bratty kids for a while."**

"I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how not 'bratty' the William's kids are."

**"We'll see. I will call you when I leave the office. Right now as much as I would love to stay on the line with you forever I have an empire to run. Don't you always tell me how it won't run itself."**

"Funny Mr. Grey. I'll see you tonight. I love you even if you are a smart ass."

**"Watch your mouth Miss Steele."**

"Or what?" I tease.

**"Or I will have to punish you."**

"Mmmm."

**"I love you Ana, but I really have to go before I take the rest of the day to do very naughty things to you."**

"Tomorrow then?"

**"Tomorrow! Do you have any idea what you are doing to me." Of course she does. Damn it! I am so hard and I have a meeting with the accounting department in five minutes.**

"Bye Christian."

I hang up knowing how frustrated he is. I love teasing him. I like that I have such an effect on him. I will gladly make it up to him tomorrow. Checking my emails with a grin plastered on my face, I notice one from Jeff Yates. It has an attachment. I can't imagine that he had time to go over my notes. I open the message. He has attached the next installment. I secretly wonder if this story is already complete and he is just feeding it to me as he sees fit. I open the attachment and save it to my computer then print a copy. It is so much easier for me to read on paper than on a computer screen. Once it is printed I begin reading. The first few chapters are related to his parents and their desire for him to be a doctor or an attorney, anything, but a writer. Apparently Yates is a good student because he went to Yale on scholarship. About 10 chapters in things start becoming clear. Elena had continued her relationship with Yates during his college years. Unlike Christian, Jeff remained in school and graduated with a biology degree in 3 years. At the age of 20 he had applied for medical school closer to home to be near Elena. He was accepted to The University of Washington and seemed to be happy. The spring of his 1st year everything changed. Elena broke it off with him. His writing becomes depressing and withdrawn. I can tell that even now this hurts him. He begins stalking her, from distance and one day while peering into her backyard he spotted her with a boy. The boy was doing yard work for her. Holy Shit! It was Christian. He saw Elena with Christian. He knew by the way she interacted with him that he was her new toy. His description made bile rise in my throat. I couldn't help but want to go back in time and tell Christian to run away. Yates was obviously distressed when he witnessed that Elena had moved on. I feel a little bad for him. He was actually in love with that bitch. At this point in the story he doesn't know that the boy he sees is Christian. Just as I am looking forward to digging deeper Luke reminds me that it is time to leave. Any other day I would just stay and finish. Maggie needs me tonight and I would like to get home and get a shower and some fresh clothes before heading to keep the kids. I place the manuscript in my purse, grab my cane and follow Luke to the car.

Luke seems okay with helping me out until Christian can get off. I know Sawyer will be so happy to see him. I think she has a little crush. We leave Escala right at 6, knowing the normally short drive to Queen Anne Hill will be crowded on Friday evening. Maggie looks fabulous when she opens the door. I don't think I have ever seen her in anything but jeans. Maggie is a kindred spirit, we both live for comfort.

"Wow, Maggie you look great!"

_"Thanks Ana. I guess I clean up okay."_

"I would say you look better than okay. No wonder Mark likes date nights."

She just blushes and smiles. Mark comes and puts his arm around her waist, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

**_"I have one hot wife. Don't you agree Ana?"_**

"I would say you married up." This isn't true, Mark is very nice looking. Actually him and Maggie are well matched in all departments. He just laughs loudly.

**_"Oh I definitely married up. I am one lucky man."_**

_"Okay we need to go."_

I can tell Maggie has had enough of our compliments. I would be the same way. She gives me instructions for the kids and then leaves me and Luke with a thrilled Sawyer and a just as happy Scout.

"So what shall we do first? Are you hungry?" They both shake their heads yes. "Well then, let's eat and then we can play."

After they have successfully filled their stomachs we decide that they should take baths and then play. They both look so adorable in their pajamas with wet hair. Luke picks up Sawyer and gives her piggy back rides, running all over the house with her kicking him in the flanks like he is a pony.

_"Faster S-o-y-a, faster." _

I love that she calls him by his last name, so impressed that it is the same as her first still. Luke seems to be enjoying himself as much as Sawyer. I can imagine he must miss his niece and nephew a great deal. Scout and I spend the evening putting together a puzzle of a sailboat. I really need to talk to Christian about taking him out on The Grace. Once Luke is worn out I put a video on for Sawyer. I can tell she is starting to get tired. She settles in to Luke's side as they both get lost in Dora. Scout decides to finish the puzzle later and grabs his DS to play some games. I join Luke on the couch. Sawyer is asleep in his lap. So Cute.

"I think she fell asleep. I could turn the channel if you want."

**_"Actually I don't mind it. It reminds me of my family."_**

He seems a million miles away.

"Have you ever thought of having a family of your own?"

**_"Who hasn't?"_**

Christian Grey. I think to myself. Maybe this isn't true now, but there was a time when he never even wanted a girlfriend much less a family. I am certainly glad he changed his mind. I just shrug.

**_"Ana I talked to Taylor about what Yates said. Are you sure Christian is the type of man you want to be with?"_**

"I can imagine what you must think of me."

**_"It's not you that I have strong opinions about. Has he ever hurt you Ana?"_**

"Luke, it isn't like that. I certainly hope Taylor took the time to tell you how much Christian has changed since he met me?"

**_"He did and he seems to think you are great for him. I just wonder how great he is for you?"_**

"I promise you Christian would never do anything to hurt me. As much as I would like to help you understand everything I can't. Christian has been through a lot in his life, things I don't have the liberty to share. Please just trust me that he loves me and I love him equally."

**_"Okay Ana. Just know that if you ever feel like you need out. I am here."_**

"I appreciate that Luke." If this was anyone else I may think he was hitting on me, but Luke looks at me like a little sister. There is no desire in his eyes, ever, just care. I feel privileged to have such a wonderful man on my side. I touch his hand reassuring him that I appreciate his kind gesture.

**"What the FUCK!"**

Sawyer sits up and begins to cry. Scout turns toward the direction of the voice placing his hand on his mouth. I just sit seething at Christian for using such harsh language around the kids.

"Christian, language PLEASE!"

**"I'm sorry Ana, but I can't help but feel like I am intruding on a very intimate moment."**

Luke and I look at each other confused. Then I remember that I had touched his hand and I am sure Christian mistook his look for one of desire. This was not good. I know I need to get these kids out of here before Christian goes thermonuclear.

"Sawyer, sweetie lets go to bed. Scout I think you should lie in your bed to play that game."

They obey immediately. I follow them down the hall. I get Sawyer settled in her bed and then I go to Scout making sure he uses headphones incase Christian raises his voice again. Just as I am coming back into the living room I can hear Christian reprimanding Luke.

**"Do you want to fuck my fiancé Luke? Is that why you insist on being her personal security?"**

Luke says nothing. He knows as well as I do that Christian will not respond well to anything he has to say.

"Good Lord Christian, you know as well as I do that I am the one that insists Luke is my security. So if you want to accuse someone, you should be accusing me. I am the one that touched Luke's hand. Do you think I want to fuck Luke?"

**"Do you?" he snaps. **

I just stare at him, obviously hurt by his words. I can't decide if I am livid or hurt. I lash out as the anger wins. "Yes. Luke and I have planned this for weeks. Maggie was in on it too. We would consent to babysit for them and after they were in bed we would betray you." I know he cannot mistake the sarcasm in my voice. Luke is hiding a small smile. I love Christian, but sometimes he is so frustrating. "You know it's kind of humorous that you think every man that is capable of a hard on would want to put it in me. I am going to check on Scout and when I get back I hope to God you have either come to your senses or left. Oh and Christian Luke stays so don't even think about firing him." I make it to Scout's room on wobbly legs. My hands are shaking. How dare he? I take a deep breath just before I enter. Scout looks up as the door opens. He removes his headphones.

"Hey buddy. Are you getting sleepy yet?"

_"Not really."_

"Would you like me to read you a story?"

_"Please."_

I walk over to the book shelf scanning the titles. I spot _Goodnight Moon _instantly remembering when my dad would read it to me at bedtime. I loved that book. Scout seems pleased with my selection as well.

"My dad used to read this book to me when I was little."

_"Really? It is one of my favorites."_

"Me too."

I sit on the edge of the bed and begin to read.

In the great green room  
there was a telephone  
and a red balloon  
and a picture of...

Scout says the next line with me…

The cow jumping over the moon

And there were three little bears sitting on chairs  
And two little kittens And a pair of mittens  
And a little toy house And a young mouse  
And a comb and a brush and a bowl full of mush  
And a quiet old lady who was whispering "hush"

Again we read in unison.

Goodnight room Goodnight room  
Goodnight cow jumping over the moon

Goodnight light and the red balloon  
Goodnight bears Goodnight chairs  
Goodnight kittens and Goodnight mittens  
Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks  
Goodnight little house and Goodnight mouse  
Goodnight comb and Goodnight brush  
Goodnight nobody Goodnight mush  
And Goodnight to the old lady whispering "hush"

By the time I get to the last 2 lines I can hear Scouts heavy breathing. I whisper the ending.

Goodnight stars Goodnight air  
Goodnight noises everywhere

I rub his hair out of his face. What a beautiful little boy he is. I tuck him in and turn the lamp off beside the bed. Standing I notice that Christian is standing in the doorway.

"How long have you been there."

**"Long enough to know that I am an idiot and you are going to be a great mom."**

I just roll my eyes. This time I am not setting him up for kinky sex later, I just outright annoyed. He isn't going to just walk in here and pretend like everything is going to be okay just because he admits he's an idiot and strokes my ego a bit.

**"Eyes Ana."**

I lean in. I can tell he thinks I am making a move on him. I whisper into his ear. "FUCK OFF CHRISTIAN." Then I push past him. It takes him a moment to catch up to me. He's lucky I am an invalid or I would have broken into a sprint. His hand grabs my wrist and spins me around so quickly I lose my footing and tumble directly into him.

**"I deserved that. I'm sorry Ana. It was a ridiculous thing to accuse you and Luke of. There really isn't any excuse for my actions." I lean down kissing her cheek. "I'm a fucking dumbass Ana. I trust you I should have never said that to you."**

"You're right, you shouldn't have. Please tell me you apologized to Luke."

**"I did. I also didn't fire him. As much as I wanted to I knew that would probably send you over the edge."**

"You are very intuitive Christian. Let me clarify. Luke is my protection and my friend. He would take a bullet for me if he had too. He expressed a concern and I was reassuring him about how much we love each other. He only wants to protect me."

**"What was he concerned about?"**

"I told him to talk to Taylor after he overheard what Yates said about you. He wanted to make sure I trusted you not to hurt me."

**"Oh. That is understandable especially knowing that Taylor doesn't know the aspects of my past the way you do."**

"I was just assuring him that I know exactly what I am getting into and you would never hurt me."

**"Did you expound on my history, my childhood?"**

I can see the concern in his eyes. "Never." Is shoulders relax and he embraces me tightly.

**"I love you Ana. Please, please forgive me. I just get scared all the time that one day you will realize that I'm not good enough for you and disappear."**

My heart breaks for him. I know why he is scared I'll run, because that is what I do. "Christian I'm not running. Not anymore. You are stuck with me. I will tell you that if you accuse me and Luke of doing anything remotely improper again I will be gone so fast…"

**"I know. I love you."**

"I love you too."

We go back to the living room and Luke is gone. I look at Christian.

**"Don't worry I just let him go back to Escala. I will call Taylor to get us when Maggie and Mark get home."**

After I calm down we settle on the couch until we drift off in each other's arms watching tv. Just after midnight Maggie wakes us up.

_"Hey Ana. I am so sorry we were late."_

"The kids were great. Anytime you need help just call."

Christian calls Taylor and 10 minutes later we are headed home. I am exhausted and I go straight to bed drifting off almost immediately after Christian slips in behind me spooning my body and nuzzling into my neck.


	115. Chapter 115

**Sorry for the major editing errors in the last chapter. It can be challenging to write around a 1 year old. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Reviews as always are appreciated. **

Chapter 115

I wake to Christian kissing my shoulder.

"Mmmm…"

**"You like?"**

"I do."

**"I'm really sorry about last night." I stop kissing her and run my hands through her hair. "I just…" I take a whiff of her glorious scent, vanilla with a hint of lavender, all Ana. "I've almost lost you so many times. It's only a matter of time before I totally screw up and make it happen."**

I turn to face him cupping his cheeks with my hands. He's so gorgeous first thing in the morning. Hell he is gorgeous every minute of every day, but in the mornings just more so. "I'm not going anywhere Christian. I know it may be hard to believe but you are stuck with me Mr. Grey. Sure there have been times in the past that I wasn't sure. Your pride almost ended us for good, but our time in New York was magical." I close my eyes remembering as the memories rush back. I smile and when I open my eyes Christian is smiling. "Elena wasn't your fault. I know you will never believe that, but I am telling you that you have to stop blaming yourself for her. She was sick Christian, very sick. I know when I left for Georgia you thought that it was because of you too. It wasn't. I just needed to find myself again. I was so lost. Looking back I would have done some things differently. Seeing you after all those months just reminded me of how much I loved and needed you. I am never truly complete without you by my side. Granted I wish I had never seen the video of you and Leila." I look away. Christian kisses me softly as a reassurance of his devotion to me. "I should have never played it. It was as much my fault for allowing myself to watch it. Now last night was maddening, but rest assured Mr. Grey I love you too much to let your over reaction push me away that easily. As crazy as you make me sometimes I love you, all of you. I love when I come to the office and see you in your suit, knowing that you are in your element. It is so sexy to think that all of those people are under your control and when you take control of me..." He raises his eyebrows. Knowing that I am talking about our more recent intimate moments. "I love how you are always concerned for my safety and happiness. It makes me feel loved and cherished and as maddening as it is, I love your jealous streak. I can't imagine why in the world you think that so many men would find me attractive."

**"Ana I wish you knew how beautiful you are. How every time you walk into a room it lights up and every eye is drawn to you."**

"We will have to agree to disagree on this Mr. Grey. All I care about is how you see me."

**"Well then it's time you see yourself as the most beautiful woman in the world, because that is how I see you. I am in awe of your beauty daily."**

I blush at his words. "I wasn't finished telling you all the ways I love you yet. Wait your turn." He smiles and I continue. "Do you know what I love about you most?" He shakes his head no. I place my hand on his heart. "I love how deeply you love. I love how big your heart is. I love when you open yourself to me in moments like this and let me see what others never have. All the negative disappears and I know that right here is where I belong. I belong with you. I belong to you Christian. No other man has ever or will ever be what you are to me." He doesn't speak, but his actions speak louder than words ever could.

**I can't help but be moved by her words. She speaks directly to my soul and my body reacts wanting to show her what she means to me. I move quickly on top of her and our mouths find each other. I pull back and search her eyes. They are full of love. My chest swells. I never knew I could love anyone this deeply. Even after all the times I have made love to her every time is like the first. I go slow wanting to take in every inch of her. Her body hums under my touch. "I love you Ana. You are everything to me." As I pleasure her many times over her body tenses then releases on cue. We are so in tune with one another. I think back to when I thought this was simply 'vanilla' knowing that it has become my favorite flavor of intimacy. "You are my light, my air, my life. I am nothing without you." She touches my chest sending electrical currents through my body as she caresses the skin over my heart I slide my length into her. Her body devours me and I lose myself. Ana's body begins to tense and I know she is close to her release. She closes her eyes. "Look at me Ana, I want to see you." Just as she opens her eyes we fall over together. I roll off of her and pull her into my body. "God I love you so much."**

We lay content in each other's arms for a long while. "Christian, I need to share something with you, but first I need to pee." I walk slowly to the bathroom and then decide on a shower too. As I stand under the warm water I hear the door open and then feel Christian's strong arms around my body.

**"Did you realize that you left your cane in the bedroom?"**

I hadn't. I had been trying to use it less and less, but it was like a security blanket, hard to let go of completely. It felt good that I walked on my own without thinking twice to grab it.

**"You're almost there baby. I am so proud of you."**

"I can't wait to be able to walk down the street hand without having to worry about having help."

**"I know I made you doubt my staying power when we thought you may have been in that chair forever. I wouldn't have left you Ana, ever. I was just scared. I felt so guilty and seeing you in that chair everyday was a constant reminder of how I failed you." She opens her mouth to rebut me. "Before you say anything let me finish. I know now that I did everything in my power to get to you. I would have dealt with it. I did deal with it. When you left I was so lost it was the best thing you could have done to make me realize that I would take you any way I could have you. I was being selfish in wallowing in my guilt. Thank you for coming back to me."**

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

**"There were times I had doubts."**

"I was always going to come back. I should have made that more clear. I should have called more often. I'm sorry."

**"It doesn't matter now. All that matters is we are together now. What if I said I wanted to move up the wedding?"**

"We don't even have a date set. When were you thinking?"

**"I don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. With mom being sick I just feel like life is so short. What if she isn't around for our wedding? She deserves to see us become husband and wife. I have put her through so much over the years I want her to have some restitution in knowing that I have found the one."**

"We are going to dinner there tomorrow what if we brought it up to the family and see what your mom wanted? I am willing to marry you tomorrow if that is what you want. I just want to make sure she is up for such a big event."

**"You're serious? You would marry me tomorrow if I wanted."**

"Christian, we live together, we love each other. I already told you I wasn't going anywhere so why would I not want to be your wife as soon as possible."

**"Why didn't you say anything? I would have made that happen weeks ago."**

"We have kind of had a lot going on Mr. Grey."

**"I can't wait to call you Mrs. Grey, Miss Steele."**

I just smile and give him a big kiss on the cheek. "Me either."

We finish up our shower and after we are dressed and fed I have Christian come to the library for my news. We sit in the chairs and I pull out Yate's story. "This is the second installment of Jeff's story. I have only made through the first quarter of it, but I really feel like you need to know what it says and that we should read the rest together."

I bring him up to speed to where I stopped. He is as shocked as I am that Yates had seen him and Elena interact on several occasions. He gives me an apologetic glance. I know it hurts him so badly that this is how I have to find out the details about his relationship with her. Honestly, all it does is make me hurt for him. I cannot imagine being manipulated at such a young age. As much as Stephen hurt me he never played on my emotions the way Elena did Christian. I was able to get out after 6 months whereas Christian was brainwashed for 6 years. As much as Yates is trying to hurt us with his words he is accomplishing the opposite. I feel closer to Christian than ever. I touch his hand as I read. I want him to know that no matter what it says I am here for him, for us. The story drudges on conveying mostly Yate's emotions about Elena's moving on. Christian understands as much as I do that he loved her deeply.

**"You know I never felt that way. I cared for Elena, but not the way Yates did. I was not emotionally connected with her. You are the only woman I have ever felt connected to Ana."**

"I know. I'm not reading this to get a confession out of you. I know how you feel Christian I just think we need to get a better grasp on his mindset so we know how to combat him." He squeezes my hand and I continue.

Once Yates figures out who Christian is he becomes more obsessed with how to bring him down. He drops out of school works odd jobs and moves back in with his mother in an attempt to win Elena back. Somehow he finds out details of Christian's childhood. He doesn't know everything, but enough that I can feel Christian get tense.

**"He knows. He's known for years. Why wait until now to use the information against me?"**

"Christian he gave me the story. He specifically mentioned that I talk to you about it. He must think that I don't know all of your secrets. He is underestimating our love, our devotion. If this is true we have the upper hand. We need to find a way to stop him. So let's not get bogged down. Why don't we take a break? Let's do something to get our minds off of Jeff and Elena."

**"You're right. I need a break. What do you want to do?"**

"Well it is unusually calm today. The rain seems to be holding off so can we fly?"

**"Actually there is something that I have wanted to do with you for a long time. Let me see if I can get it setup. " I go to my office and make reservations for 2pm then I go back to the library and find Ana staring out the window. "Penny for your thoughts."**

"I was just daydreaming about our wedding." He just smiles looking lost in his own thoughts.

**"I made reservations at 2. It is a 3 hour drive so we better get going. We can grab lunch on the way."**

We arrive in Wenatchee just before 2. I am more than curious as to why we drove 3 hours only to end up at an airport. Christian opens my door and leads me to the office.

_"Good afternoon Mr. Grey. It has been awhile. So good to see you again."_

"Thanks Charles. I've been busy lately. I would like you to meet my fiance' Anastasia Steele."

_"Nice to meet you Miss Steele, have you ever been soaring before?"_

"Never."

_"Well then you are in for a treat. Right this way."_

We follow him outside to the runway where a plane is sitting with another strange looking plane attached to it. `Christian guides me to the rear plane and helps me in.

**"You are going to love this." I enter the glider just after Ana. When we are locked in I put on the head set and let the pilot know we are ready. The plane takes off and when we reach my desired altitude I detach the glider. I have always loved to soar. I love flying, but in a glider there is no engine noise. I can just enjoy the flight, the landscape, the quiet. Ana doesn't say a word the entire time. I hope she is having a good time. After about 45 minutes in the air we land. I help Ana out of the glider and can't help but see the excitement on her face.**

"That was so awesome. Can we do it again?"

**"I am glad you liked it. Unfortunately they are full today, but I promise to bring you back if you would like." She nods her head emphatically and I know I found another thing that Ana and I will love together. Could she be any more perfect for me? As we make it to the car I remember that we were supposed to shop for the playroom today. Amazing that I forgot all about it, she has changed me. "Hey, were you still wanting to go shopping today?"**

"Oh I totally forgot. I'm sorry."

**"I forgot too. If you aren't up for it we can do it another time."**

"No I want to, I really do."

He drives us to a shop just outside of Seattle. I don't know what I was expecting, but it is in a very nice neighborhood and from the outside I would have never expected what I found inside. It was obviously a sex shop that catered to the wealthy or high profile. We are greeted by a woman dressed like a business woman. I am thankful that she is blonde knowing Christian doesn't like blondes. It doesn't stop her from undressing him with his eyes. _I know how gorgeous he is lady, but seriously I am standing right here. _I lean into Christian and he senses that I am uncomfortable with her stares. He quickly dismisses her so we can shop on our own. I don't even know half of what I am looking at. Christian must see that I am overwhelmed so he guides me to a section curtained off from the rest of the store.

**"Are you okay Ana? We don't have to do this."**

"No I want to, I just… I just feel…" I don't finish. How do I tell him I feel like a complete idiot? I have no idea what most of this stuff is used for. I am so green irritates me.

**"Would you feel more comfortable if we did this at home?"**

"We can do that? How?"

**"They have websites. We can go through and you can ask me questions. I don't want you to feel too uncomfortable to talk to me. I want to do this together."**

"You won't be mad. I just don't feel comfortable here. That lady likes you. Don't worry I am not jealous per say I just would rather her not have her eyes on us while we are picking out things for our sexual encounters."

**"I understand and I am glad you know you don't have anything to worry about. Not only am I madly in love with you, she is blonde and a dom. Even if I had never met you she wouldn't have a chance."**

I still feel a little silly being uncomfortable. I sit quietly in the car looking out the window for the rest of the ride home.


	116. Chapter 116

**A/N: Welcome new followers and favorites. I am always so humbled when someone new joins in reading my little story. Thanks as always for the reviews. I certainly am glad that you like my take on Ana and Christian's relationship. The Yates dilemma is still unfolding. In the meantime here is more love. I have been reading several Pride and Prejudice adaptations lately and since this is the 200 year anniversary I wanted to reference the similarities of Darcy/Christian and Ana/Elizabeth. Happy Reading! Please review!**

Chapter 116

Christian doesn't bombard me with questions over my sudden silence. Thankfully he leaves me with my thoughts. He pulls into the Escala garage and walks to my side of the car to let me out. As I stand he pulls me to him holding me in place against chest. A tear escapes my eyes. I am not sure why I feel the need to cry. I can only gather that being a female alone makes one cry at the most inappropriate times. I silently curse the estrogen running through me. I fight back the urge to sob. This is absurd. There is no reason I should be so upset. I am afraid I have disappointed him. Anger is something I can deal with, but disappointment is always my downfall. As a child I hated when my dad would look at me with disappointment in his eyes. I always felt it would have been better just to stab me directly in the heart. I wanted to go shopping, hell I asked for it and when it came down to it I chickened out. I couldn't stand the thought of others knowing our private affairs. That lady knew Christian I am quite sure she is well acquainted with his personal tastes. How could l be so stupid? I just didn't want her to see me as just another sub, number 16. I am the first and the last to capture his heart and I want everyone to see me as such.

**"Ana? Will you look at me?" She raises her head and I see the tears threatening to fall. I pushed her too far. I should have known that place would overwhelm her. That was definitely not taking it slow. "I'm sorry. I should have known better than to take you there."**

"No I am being stupid and insecure. I'm fine. I will be fine. Can we just go upstairs?"

**I lead her by the hand to the elevator. We stand in silence as it rises. Finally the doors open. Ana exits first and I unlock the door letting her in. I know to give her some space. The one thing I have learned over the last few months is Ana responds better to space. Every fiber of my being wants to sit her down and make her talk to me when she gets like this. I fight against it and go to my office. She will come to me when she is ready. Thank God it doesn't take long. 10 minutes after our arrival Ana knocks on the door.**

"Can I come in?"

**"Please."**

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you?"

**"Is that what you think? You think I am disappointed that you were uncomfortable?" She nods and I pat my leg to have her come to me. She sits in my lap and I wrap my arms around her. "You have never disappointed me. I told you when you expressed an interest that I would go slow with you. Going there was my mistake. I should have known it would be overwhelming."**

"I really want to try new things with you. I trust you and I want to please you."

**"Everything you do is pleasing to me. I don't want you to think you have to consent to that lifestyle just to please me."**

"That wasn't what I meant. Of course I want to please you, but honestly that isn't why I want to explore. I like it. I think I would like more."

**"We will only do what you are comfortable with. All I need is you so if you decide that it's too much all you have to do is say so. If we are going to do this you have to be honest with me Ana. I have to trust that you will not do anything just to please me. That isn't the way it works."**

"I promise."

**"I have an idea. Let's start with the simpler aspects of the playroom. We can pick a color and a new bed and bedding. I can get those things ordered and then we can ease into the other slowly. In fact I was thinking maybe you could look through some sites on your own and mark things that you like or want to know more about and then I will go through it all with you. I don't want to sway your decisions I just want to educate you."**

"Okay. I was thinking purple, the color of the room like a deep eggplant color. I always associate purple with passion and I know that is what will be invoked when we are in there."

**"I like it. Eggplant it is. I will get the contractor to paint some samples this week so you can choose what exact shade you like. Now to the bed."**

"I liked the old one it was so beautiful, I just don't know if I can look at it without thinking of all the bad images in my mind."

**"No I don't want anything that brings negative thoughts, plus I already got rid of it."**

"I'm sorry I am sure that was a very expensive bed. It looked handmade."

**I can't help but laugh. She is always so concerned with my spending habits. I think it will take a life time to convince her that she doesn't have to worry about money. "You are so cute. It served its purpose, it was time to move on. Here are some furniture designers that do good work. Scroll through and see if anything catches your eye." She scrolls down stopping halfway down the page. **

"I like this one." It is described as a four poster bed with 11' turned elm posts and ebony stain.

**"Understated and yet beautiful. Why am I not surprised?"**

"Christian it is $45,000 that is too much. I can find something else that I like just as well."

**"Ana stop. Consider it done. I love spending my money on things you love."**

"That is more money than I make in a year. For a bed?"

**"Ana I make more than that in a day. Quite a bit more. So let it go." She looks surprised. She knows I am wealthy, but until this very moment we have never discussed numbers so I am sure that was quite a shock.**

"Okay." Good God how could anybody make that much or more in a day. I can't even fathom. Will I ever get used to spending without considering the cost? I don't think I will. "I want you to pick the bedding. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I have always bought my sheets at Target and I am sure I don't even understand thread count." He laughs at me. I am not offended at all. These are just things I could care less to ever know. "I doubt my lack of bedding knowledge will ever be a detriment to my future as a writer."

**I kiss her neck. "You are unbearably attractive right now."**

"My ignorance is attractive? Well that has to be a first."

**"It is your honesty that is so attractive. I love how you say exactly how you feel. Everyone, other than my family, always says what I want to hear. Hell most of the people that work for me would have made up some shitty story about buying sheets directly from Thailand in some exotic thread just to impress me. Not you."**

"That is because they are afraid of you Mr. Grey. I happen to know that just underneath that cold and commanding exterior lies a very sensitive man. If I am honest you have never scared me."

**"Never?"**

"Intimidated, yes, scare, no."

**"I intimidated you?"**

"This surprises you? I thought that was your goal. Intimidate, infuriate, and influence all in the name of getting what you want."

**"That is a pretty good description. I can't believe I hid my feelings so well. I felt things for you that were perplexing right from our first meeting."**

"You were a walking contradiction. One minute I felt like you were attracted to me then the next I thought I must be crazy because you were so cold and distant. I was thoroughly confused. I just never understood why I might be what you want. It was quite perplexing at times."

**"Really? Do you think so little of yourself?"**

"I guess I just never saw myself as someone that would catch a powerful CEO's attention. A writer, a musician, an artist sure, but a businessman, never."

**"So I wasn't your type?"**

"I never had a boyfriend much less a type. Businessmen are not really known for being passionate."

**"How very stereotypical of you Miss Steele. If I recall Mr. Darcy would have been considered a businessman in his day."**

"Yes I suppose that is true. You have always reminded me of the brooding Mr. Darcy."

**"Is that so?"**

"Very much. Always the object of every woman's affection but never giving anyone the satisfaction. Mr. Darcy was very much an island like you."

**"An island huh?"**

"An island, a desert in the middle of nowhere with no way of landing island."

**"Wow. I didn't know that was the impression I gave you. It sure wasn't what I was feeling inside."**

"Care to expound?"

**"Very much like Darcy when Elizabeth came into his life I felt disoriented. You took my carefully calculated life and turned it on its head. Seems I have my very own Miss Bennett."**

"I definitely would not consider myself to be anything like Elizabeth. She was vivacious, outgoing and never cared what anyone thought in society."

**"And how may I ask are you so different from that?" She looks at the ground. "You really have no idea how refreshing you are. From the very first time I laid eyes on you I knew you were different. I was right. I have never been more challenged in my life. Even my most complex takeovers are simple compared to you. You keep me on my toes. You are strong and fearless one minute then sensitive and vulnerable the next."**

"You make me sound like I am bipolar. Are my mood swings that bad?"

**"No. Actually you swing perfectly matching exactly what I need in that moment. You say I was perplexing yet I never understood how you could have possibly known my hearts desires before I did."**

"It's a gift. I was made for you."

**"Yes, you were." **

He turns me to straddle his lap. I put my hands around his neck and run my fingers through his thick hair. God I love his hair. Then I lean and kiss each cheek before finally running my lips gently over his. I feel his hands running up and down my back underneath my shirt. I increase the pressure of the kiss allowing a tender moment to become fiery. Christian is right I was wrong about stereotyping businessmen. I can't imagine any artist being more passionate than him. He slips my shirt over my head and removes my bra with one hand while the other continues stroking my skin. His mouth covers my right breast. While his tongue does its magic on my nipple chill bumps rise all over my body. The cold air in the room is a striking contrast to the warmth if his mouth. I let out a moan. I feel him smile. He moves slowly to the other side and I respond instantly. Yes he is my Mr. Darcy and I am his Elizabeth.

After a very intense lovemaking session in his desk chair I go to the kitchen and make dinner. Mental note: Desk chair sex has just made it to the top 10 list, right underneath pool table sex, and elevator sex. Christian joins me in the kitchen to help and I can't help but smile at every time I look at his direction.

**"Would you like to share?"**

"I was just thinking how much I love you." He wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his nose in my neck then kissing it. "If you don't stop that we will never eat and I don't know about you, but I am starving."

**"Well we can't have that. Eating is always my first priority when it comes to you."**

"Really? I would have guessed safety."

**"Okay safety then food then pleasure then…"**

"Christian by the look on your face food may be at the bottom of the list right now."

**I shake my head. She needs to eat. As much as I want to make love to her right here and now, food is more important. "Let's eat."**

We move to the dining table and continue our earlier discussion. "Did you really like Pride and Prejudice?"

**"I did. It reminded me of us. I mean not exactly, we definitely had different challenges than Darcy and Elizabeth, but like them we have learned to overcome."**

"Have you had a chance to read my manuscript?"

**"Honestly, I haven't. I'm sorry all of this stuff with Yates came up and all of my energies have been focused on that. Well that and making sure you are well fucked."**

"So crude Mr. Grey."

**"I'm sorry I lost myself thinking about our recent adventure in my office."**

"Don't apologize I like it." I change the subject in order to get through this meal without a session breaking out on the table. "My manuscript will remind you of Pride and Prejudice, but the story is more like ours."

**"You wrote our story?"**

"Not exactly. It is historical fiction meets modern day love story. The main character Isabelle is studying abroad in England where she meets the love of her life. Ian is an economics professor at Cambridge. He is wealthy, very wealthy although Isabelle doesn't know that when they first meet. Like you he has some serious baggage. I don't want to give away the story. The interesting part is that their story takes place partly in the modern world and partly in 19th century England."

**"That sounds interesting."**

"Interesting Good?"

**"So interesting I can't wait to read it."**

"You really don't have to if you don't want to."

**"Ana I want to I really do. ** **You always make such an effort to listen to my tales of mergers. The least I could do is read something you spent 3 months of your life writing. Plus I liked reading your selections in the library so I am certain I will thoroughly enjoy your masterpiece."**

"I wouldn't call it a masterpiece."

**"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"**

I don't know why I am so nervous about him reading it. I just really want him to like it. Maggie, Mark and Kelly loved it so why would I care what Christian thinks? I care because he is the one person that truly matters. I don't care if the rest of the world thinks it is the worst book ever written, if Christian likes it then I will consider it a success. I clean up the kitchen and settle into a bath before bed. Christian decides to give me some alone time, knowing if he joins me in the bath it will not be a relaxing one. I slip my earphones in and let the music lull my body along with the hot water to a state of bliss.


	117. Chapter 117

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Kleenex alert on this chapter. Sorry in advance!**

Chapter 117

Just as I step out of the bath my phone rings.

"Hey Mia what's up?"

_"Ana, its mom."_

Her voice is shaky. She has obviously been crying. "What is it Mia? What is wrong with Grace?"

_"Dad rushed her to the hospital. She collapsed. I knew she hadn't been feeling well, but I guess I didn't realize how bad it was."_

She is blaming herself. I know Mia she is the family optimist and right now she hates herself for having too positive of an outlook. "Mia your mom is a doctor. If she didn't realize how bad it was, how were you supposed to? Don't blame yourself. Christian and I will be there as soon as possible. Does Elliot know?"

_"He's my next phone call. I am sorry I burdened you with telling Christian I just didn't know how."_

"You did the right thing. Let me handle Christian. Text me her room number as soon as you can. See you in a bit. Oh and Mia I am sure everything is going to be fine. I love you."

_"Thanks Ana, I love you too."_

We hang up and I gather my thoughts. Christian is going to flip. If I thought his reaction at our dinner with Grace was bad this was going to be so much worse. Christian and hospitals are not a good combo. I think back to his stay after his accident. They were so happy to be rid of him. Then after my fall, I thought the nurses were going to pull a mutiny. It is going to be a long night. I quickly get dressed. Christian is in his office going over who knows what for work. He looks up as I enter without knocking.

**"Why are you dressed? Are you going somewhere?"**

"Christian, I need to tell you something but you have to remain calm."

**"What is it?"**

"Just promise me you'll try to be calm."

**"I can't promise anything when I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. Just spit it out!"**

Maybe I should have approached that differently. Who the hell am I kidding? No matter how I spin it he is going to either lose it or withdrawal. Here goes nothing.

**"Ana damn it you are starting to really piss me off. I am not in the mood for games."**

"It's Grace." His eyes get wide and I know I need can't just leave it with that. "Your dad took her to the hospital. She collapsed tonight."

**"How bad is it Ana? Is she dying?"**

"I don't know. Mia called to let me know that your dad wants you all up there."

**"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Let's go." **

He storms out of the room.

**"NOW ANA!"**

I get my senses about me and text Taylor to meet us in the garage immediately. The last thing I want is him behind the wheel in this state of mind. I barely catch up with Christian as he storms out the door. He forgets I am still hindered in the quickness department. I am relieved that Taylor beats us down. Christian just looks at me. I can't tell if he is mad or grateful. Taylor starts the SUV and Christian takes the time to open my door before hopping in the other side. I sit quietly not really knowing what to say. Christian stares out the window. I feel his hand slide into mine and I know this is his way of reaching out. I slide closer hoping that being close will calm him some. The hospital is a short drive especially this time of night. Taylor pulls to a halt, Christian jumps out and walks around to open my door.

"Taylor I'll call you with an update on Mrs. Grey. I have a feeling it is going to be a long night so if you want to go back I understand."

_"No Ana. I know Mr. Grey will want me to stay close. He doesn't think very highly of hospital security so I will park and find you."_

**"Damn it Ana are you going to sit here and chit chat with Jason or are you coming with me?"**

I cringe. This is going to be bad. I just hope he doesn't upset his mom. Out of control Christian is the last thing she needs right now. I get out grabbing my cane, still following behind. He might as well be running.

"Christian I know you are in a hurry, but as much as I want to run beside you I just can't. Plus I have the room number so could you slow down a little?" He looks back apologetically and walks back to me. To my surprise he stops and wraps me in an embrace.

**"I'm sorry. I just…"**

"I know." I kiss his cheek. "Let's go find your family."

**How does she always know what I need? I don't know what I'll do if something happens to my mom. I mindlessly let Ana lead the way. As much as pushed her to hurry and get here I can't help but feel dread the closer we get to my mom's room. This is a nightmare that I hope to wake up from soon. We turn the corner and spot Mia. She has been crying. Elliot is consoling her, but he looks just as forlorn. Shit! I can't do this. I can't see her like this. I turn dropping Ana's hand, but before I bolt her voice draws me back.**

"You can do this. I won't leave you. I will stay right beside you."

**She grabs my hand and I let her lead the way. I don't look at my siblings as I enter the room. All I see is my mom, eyes closed with machines and tubes everywhere. She looks so small, so weak. My dad is sitting right by her bed stroking her hair and talking to her as she sleeps. He looks up at me and I feel a pain in my chest. It is a reminder of the pain I felt when Ana almost died not so many months back. I walk to him and place my hand on his shoulder. I understand what he is going through more than he can imagine. I too thought I might lose the love of my life. He stands and embraces me so tightly is takes the breath out of me. There are no words spoken, yet we identify with one another. Ana is the first to speak and I am never more grateful to her for expressing all of my thoughts.**

"Carrick. I am so sorry. Do they know anything?"

**_"She has developed pneumonia. She has a lot of fluid on her lungs and they have inserted a drain to help relieve it. The main concern is that the chemo has left her immune system so low. Her white blood count is very low and they are worried she won't be able to effectively fight the infection."_**

"Mia mentioned she collapsed. Has she been sick for a while? She seemed weak when Christian and I were there, but not ill."

**_"She has had a nagging cough, but she didn't think anything of it. She just figured she had a cold. She is a doctor for God sake. I deferred to her expertise. It doesn't help that I have been buried in work. If she dies I will never forgive myself. She needed me and I was working while she suffered."_**

**"Don't say that Dad. She is not going to die. She is one of strongest people I know. She will make it through this. She is too damn stubborn to leave us all here trying to fend for ourselves. What a disaster that would be."**

I can't help but smile. Christian is right. Grace holds them all together. She is the glue of the Grey family. I hope for all their sakes Christian is right. I walk to the side of the bed and stroke Grace's hand. She has been so good to me since Christian and I have met. Although not officially, I am so much a part of this family and I don't know what I will do without her. I lean in and whisper into her ear.

"We need you to fight Grace. We all love you so much. Don't leave us this way. Please fight and come back to us." I can't fight the tears any longer. My heart is breaking, not only for them, but for myself. I was looking forward to having such a wonderful mother-in-law. She will make the most wonderful grandmother to our children. I just don't want to think about not having her in my future. Now we just wait. Something Christian is horrible at. God bless Grace she always knows how to calm and redirect him. I guess I will be channeling my inner Grace for a little while. I only pray I have the patience. I decide leave Christian with his dad. I need to make sure Mia and Elliott are okay.

"Hey you two." I say opening the door. "We are going to get through this. She will pull through. Your mom is a fighter."

**_"That is exactly what I said to Mia." Elliott gives me a half-hearted smile._**

It is hard to see Elliott broken up. He is so laid back. I have rarely seen him agitated and never seen him sad. In fact I know he is struggling because there are no Elliotisms being spewed. He has a way of making a joke out of every situation. Mia is trying to keep a brave face, but I know her too well. Her optimism is wavering. I hug Mia allowing her to sob on my shoulder. I suddenly miss the over zealously loud girl that always lights up the room. This whole thing is unnerving. We need Grace to balance everything. I say a silent prayer for healing. I can only hope it is answered soon.

Each of them rotates their time in Grace's room. I know they don't want to leave Carrick alone. He is being so hard on himself. Grace understood more than anyone that he was coping through work. 30 plus years of marriage had taught her how to read her husband. She would have never doubted his love for her they were soul mates. She had told me as much many times when she would help me through issues with Christian. I chose to stay in the waiting room trying to comfort each of them as they left the room. About 3 am Carrick demanded that we all go home. Grace was resting and he felt we were no good to her exhausted. He was right. Being sleep deprived would undoubtedly make one or all of us sick. Grace definitely didn't need any more germs in her system.

Taylor drives us home. I immediately fall into bed emotionally and physically exhausted. I don't even think my head hist the pillow before I am asleep. I sat up in bed some time later unconsciously aware that Christian hadn't come to bed. I heard the saddest song coming from the living room. I knew immediately it was Christian dealing with his anxiety. I have an internal struggle on whether I should go to him or leave him to cope on his own? I hate seeing him in pain. I can't remember the last time I found him lost in his music. I wait for him to finish and I stay out of sight. He rises and walks toward the bedroom. I barely make it back to bed before he opens the door. I pretend to be asleep when he crawls into bed. He wraps his arms around me pulling my body into his chest. He spoons my body kissing my neck.

**Whispering, "Please don't let her die."**

I cry silent tears. He is breaking my heart.


	118. Chapter 118

**Sorry this took so long to post. It is spring break here and I haven't had much time to write. Thanks as always for your reviews. I welcome all of your feedback. I know you are anxiously awaiting a showdown with Yates. I promise soon. I wanted to concentrate on Grace a little while longer. Please enjoy and review. I want to send a shout out to Bronze Goddess. If you aren't reading her story you should. Paging Dr. Steele is AMAZING! It is a great NEW twist on Ana and Christian's relationship. She is an excellent writer and will leave you on the edge of your seat. As always, happy reading! : )**

Chapter 118

The next morning comes quickly. Christian's side of the bed is empty. I hurt so badly for him and I am not exactly sure how to ease his pain. There is a note on his pillow.

**Ana,**

**I didn't want to wake you after such a long night. I couldn't sleep so decided to go back to the hospital. Luke is available to drive you whenever you are ready.**

**-C**

I'm torn. Do I rush and get to the hospital? Do I take my time, knowing this is going to be a long and trying day? I settle on somewhere in the middle. I take a quick shower and then make myself breakfast. I pack some extra snacks for the hospital. The vending machines are full of crappy snacks and I know Christian will appreciate having a healthier selection. When I am ready I call on Luke to drive me. Knowing Christian, Luke parks and walks me in. All we need is for him to be unjustifiably concerned over my safety. Any other day I might argue my point on why he shouldn't worry so much, today I will do my best to appease his overprotective nature. Mia and Jacob are in the waiting room when we step off the elevator. Luke deposits me safely and then leaves knowing Taylor is on hospital duty for the first half of the day. I can't help, but think some aspects of their job must be monotonous. I hug Mia after she fills me in on Grace's progress or lack of progress. She seems calmer today. Jacob is hovering like a mother hen. I haven't been around them in months and I am pleased that their relationship is continuing to blossom. There is no denying the love they feel for each other. I knew Kate wouldn't be here. It is practically the middle of the night for her. I am grateful. She is not a morning person and would only make us all miserable if she had to go in public before 10 am.

"Have you seen Christian or Elliott?"

_"Elliott is coming with Kate later. Christian is in the room with mom and dad. How is he Ana?"_

"He's okay. He's is taking it hard. You know Christian when the going gets tough he gets down to business. Are the nurses sick of him yet?"

_Mia laughs, "Oh yes. He is barking orders left and right. Dad is trying to keep him under control, but we all know that is mom's specialty."_

"I will make sure to apologize for him when I pass the nurse's station. Would you like me to sit with you for a while?"

_"No you should go see Christian. I have Jacob to keep me company."_

I go through the double doors. As I pass the nurse's station I ask for Grace's nurse. She is pretty young. I am sure Christian has scared her senseless.

"Hi, I am Ana. I am engaged to Grace's son Christian." Her eyes widen and I can tell she is wondering if I am anything like my fiance'.

_"Nice to meet you I am Amy. I will be Grace's nurse until 7 pm."_

_"_I just want to apologize for Christian. Please don't take anything he says personally. This is just the way he deals with stress. Grace is the one that keeps him calm and communicates with the nurses, but I will try my best."

_"Thanks Ana. I really appreciate you letting me know that. He is very intimidating."_

"I know he can be. Unfortunately, all of his people skills have been developed in the board room. He doesn't understand that not every situation in life should be treated like a hostile take-over. Just try to be patient with him."

She laughs and nods. I leave her and go to Grace's room. I knock lightly and Christian opens the door. He looks exhausted. I wonder how much sleep, if any he got last night. He gives me a small smile and kisses my cheek. Carrick looks worse. I know we need to convince him to go home and get some rest.

"Carrick why don't you let Mia take you home for a shower and maybe a nap?"

**_"Thanks Ana, but I don't want to leave her side."_**

"I know, but from what the nurse says she is stable. It will do Grace no good if you get sick too. She needs you well and rested. Christian and I won't leave her side. I promise to call if there is any change."

**"Ana is right dad. In fact, why don't you just go to my place? It is closer and I can have Luke pick up some things for you from your house."**

**_"I don't want to, but I know Grace would agree with you. I'll call Gretchen and have her pack a bag for Luke. Thanks kids for looking out for me. Grace is the one that usually makes sure I am taking care of myself."_**

He looks into the distance with a bewildered expression. I know he must wonder how he will ever survive without her.

"You wouldn't want her waking up and seeing you in this state. She would be livid with all of us. I for one don't want the wrath of Grace."

He laughs knowing I am right. As sweet as Grace is she can be hell on wheels when she needs to be, especially when she thinks those she loves are not taking care of themselves. I let Carrick know that Mia and Jacob are in the waiting room. He leaves looking tired and defeated. I hope for his sake she starts improving soon. I can't help but wonder if this is how Christian looked when I was unconscious after the accident.

**"Thanks for doing that. He is wearing himself down."**

"I could say the same for you. I am worried about you."

**"I'm fine."**

I don't believe him, but airing this out in front of Grace won't do anyone any good. I sit and Christian paces. A short time later the doctor comes in. Christian immediately bombards him.

**"I want to know the exactly you are doing to assure that my mother improves."**

**He starts spitting doctor mumbo jumbo at me and I can't help but be more frustrated that my mom isn't here to simplify this information. **

As the doctor continues with his explanation Christian begins running his hands through his hair. I immediately know he is getting frustrated.

"Sir, as much as we appreciate your willingness to explain everything in detail, we really only want to know if she is improving."

_"And you are?" he says in a condescending tone.  
_

**"This is my fiance'. Just answer the question." Seriously he's more concerned about who Ana is than just doing his damn job. I will have to see about replacing him. There has to be a better doctor than this idiot.**

_"Yes Mr. Grey, I am trying to do just that if you will let me finish."_

Oh no, this doctor doesn't realize who he is dealing with. How am I going to diffuse the situation between two egomaniacs? I take a deep breath searching for the words. Before I can make a sound Christian goes off. Oh Shit! This is going to be bad.

**"Listen either get to the point or get out. I am more than willing to pay extra for a doctor that will not insult myself and my fiance' to make a point. In fact, why don't you just leave?" I pick up my phone and call Welch. I ask him to get me the best Pulmonologist in Washington State. He explains that this piece of shit in front of me is that guy. "Then get me the best on the west coast or better yet the best in the country. Yes, I understand that could take some time. Call me when you have a name." **

While Christian is on the phone and the doctor is glaring at me. I would like to help him, but if I am honest he is a jerk. He has no bedside manner to speak of. I am sure that Grace would be fine with his practices, but I know Christian will demand respect and I can see this being a daily battle, one that I am not willing to endure.

"It may be a good idea if you go. I can promise you this can only get worse. I suspect you will not like it." I am cordial but firm. Just as Christian hangs up the phone the doctor opens his mouth to speak. He can't say I didn't warn him.

_"Mr. Grey. I do not appreciate you trying to go behind my back and stealing a patient that I am successfully treating."_

**"First I don't give a damn if you appreciate it or not. Second I did not go behind your back, you were present for the entire conversation, and third I wouldn't know if you were successfully treating my mother or not. You came in here spouting off words to obviously make yourself feel more intelligent and then insult your patient's family when all they want is clarification. So consider yourself fired."**

_"You will regret this. I am the best at what I do. I hope Grace is not the recipient of your rash decisions."_

Crap! Why won't he just back down and leave. I only hope I will not have to get between them. If fists start flying I'm out. I love Christian, but he started this whole damn thing with his demanding tone when the doctor walked in the room. He is so used to using his authority to get what he wants he forgets how to treat people. I am definitely not excusing this injudicious doctor. If he would have just told us what we wanted instead of letting Christian wound his pride none of this would be happening. As I sit trying to come up with a way to diffuse the situation I hear a voice. I look around thinking Mia or Kate must have come into the room. There is no one. I turn to Grace and am stunned to see her eyes open and her mouth moving. I go to her quickly trying to decipher what she is trying to say.

_"Make them stop." Grace mutters. _

I spring into action and in my loudest and most authoritative voice I yell. "ENOUGH!"

Two pairs of eyes dart in my direction. Christian looks as though any minute he will start in on me and Dr. Martinez is just shocked. I am still not sure if his shock is from my words or Christian's. Once I have their undivided attention I speak calmly.

"Grace is awake and wants you to please stop arguing."

Both men seem to sprint to Grace's bedside. Dr. Martinez gets down to business checking the machines and then listening to her breathe. Christian is hovering explaining where Carrick is and that we have all been so worried about her. I just cry. I am not sure if Grace is out of the woods, but just hearing her voice and seeing her eyes open makes me so emotional. I step back to gather myself and then I hear Grace ask for me.

_"Christian, sweetheart where did Ana go?"_

Christian turns to find me realizing I am not right at his side. The tears are too much and I just waive him away trying to silently tell him I am fine and to please concentrate on Grace. I feel completely foolish when he leaves his mother's side to comfort me, stupid emotions. Grace is awake and all I can do is cry. I am so frustrated with myself. Finally I regain my composure just as Christian reaches me. I stand and nudge him away.

"I'm fine. Please go to your mom."

**"Obviously you aren't fine. You are sitting the corner of the room sobbing."**

"I am just a girl Christian. I can't explain it. Sometimes the tears just come and there is no stopping the flood gates. I am fine now. I had my cry, now I want to see Grace."

As I get to Grace's side she lifts her hand to touch my cheek. Even now she is trying to comfort me. This woman never ceases to amaze me. I place my hand over hers. She is barely audible so I lean in so she can speak directly into my ear.

_"Thank you for stopping them. Please don't cry, I am going to be fine."_

I am not sure if she is trying to convince herself or me. "I know Grace I was crying because I was so happy you are awake. We have all been so worried. Please do not waste one second worrying about me. You need to rest and get well."

She just nods then turning her attention to Christian. He comes closer as she speaks.

_"Christian, leave Dr. Martinez alone. He is an excellent physician and I couldn't be in better hands"_

Christian starts to argue, but Grace cuts him off. _"Do as I say or when I get out of this bed…" _Before she can finish Christian concedes.

**"Okay mom whatever you say. I just want you to get better. I hope you know I was just looking out for your best interests." She nods and I am relieved. Then she asks for dad. I scramble for my phone to call Mia. I don't want to wake dad with a phone call. I know Mia and Jacob decided to stay at Escala in case dad needed anything. Mia answers quickly. "Mia mom is awake. Yes she seems to be feeling better, but is very weak, she wants to see dad. Can you wake him and head this way? Okay, see you in 20 minutes." I hang up and relay the message to my mom. She closes her eyes, but not before telling us to wake her when dad arrives. Ana takes it upon herself to call Elliott, who informs her that they are in route to the hospital. After all is settled with the family I turn my attention back to Dr. Martinez. For my mother's sake I will try to endure him. He explains that the lungs are clearing nicely and her fever has reduced considerably. He is not sure how long it will take before she is ready to go home, but she has made tremendous strides in just 24 hours. I take this as positive news and only hope for mom's sake she can go home soon. I sit stroking her hand until my dad arrives at which point Ana and I leave the two of them alone. **

Christian and I go to the waiting room to visit with Mia. I relay the story of how we came to know she was awake. Mia laughs uncontrollably.

_"I can only imagine how volatile Christian and Dr. Martinez were. No wonder it woke mom up. I can't believe you yelled at them. I wish I would have been there. I can only imagine the look on Christian's face."_

"Oh he was taken aback that is for sure. I have never seen his eyes get that big."

**"I wasn't sure what was going on. I mean you have raised your voice to me before, but that was something altogether different. I was ready to defend myself until you said mom was awake."**

"At least you and Dr. Martinez can now be in the same room. Your mother is a saint. How she gets you to yield so easily I will never know."

Christian leans in and whispers in my ear. **"You know exactly how to get me to yield, you little vixen."**

I blush at his words, suddenly aroused. After 24 hours with his distance I welcome playful and sexual Christian. It is refreshing to have him back. I only hope Grace continues to improve. I hate seeing Christian so forlorn. I convince him to go grab a bite to eat with me. I leave the snacks with Mia for later. I am dying for a burger and I am happy that he appeases me. He's still quiet over lunch.

"What are you thinking about? You haven't said much since we left the hospital."

**"Honestly I think I am just tired. Now that mom seems a little better the last 24 hours are catching up with me."**

"Why didn't you say so? We could have just gone home to eat and then taken a nap."

**"You wanted a burger and I wanted to get you one."**

I call the waitress over and explain that we will need her to pack our meal to go. I few minutes later our food is packed up, our bill paid and we are on our way home.

**"Thanks baby. You didn't have to do that."**

"Yes I did. Just relax and let me take care of you for a change."

**"Hmm. What do you have in mind?"**

"First and foremost I am going to eat. I am starving. After that…well you will just have to wait and see."

Once I am sufficiently full I turn my attentions to my very sexy and very stressed fiance'. I straddle him and kiss his neck then gradually move to his jawline. He instinctively grabs my ass pull my hips to meet his erection. My actions are having the desired effect. I move on to his lips while running my hands through his hair. As this kiss deepens he stands. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

**"I plan on losing myself in you." I say between kisses. This is exactly what I need. This thing with my mom has got me wound up. I can't wait to get her out of these clothes and me inside her. In the bedroom I deposit her on the bed and undress her from head to toe. Then I run my hands across her body taking in every inch. "You have the softest skin. I love touching you, here" I say as I touch her cheek. "And here," I move to her collar bone then down her stomach. She squirms a little. "I love these," I cup her breasts with my hands kneading them tenderly. I can't help but place my mouth over one teasing the nipple with my tongue. Her hips shift upward just as I bite it softly.**

"Christian," I say in a breathy and desperate voice. "You have too many clothes on. I want to feel your skin against me." He stands up, quickly disposing of his garments. He then hovers over me with our lips inches apart. I can't help but stroke his hard back muscles. He closes his eyes taking in the sensations of my hands. Our mouths meet and our tongues dance. He releases his kiss leaving me breathless. I will never tire of his lips. Slowly he moves down to my apex taking me in his mouth. He caresses my slick folds, the feeling is euphoric. He slides 2 fingers inside me and hits all the right places. I can feel myself building.

**"Give it to me Ana." I say against her clit. She loses control and her body convulses with her pleasure. **

**As she comes back down I move back to kiss her lips. "You are so beautiful." She smiles and her eyes shine, a brilliant blue. I put my hands underneath her and roll so that she is on top of me. Her eyes widen with surprise. She kisses my neck and across my chest. My body tenses, but not with dread but from pure bliss. She smiles.**

I can't help but smile when I kiss and touch the areas that were once off limits. I have been granted full access to this gorgeous creature underneath me. I rise up then slide my body giving him access to me. I move slowly. I want to torture him just like he always tortures me. His hands are on my hips pushing and pulling. I know he wants me to move faster. "Patience, just relax and enjoy." I speed up my tempo a little, not nearly as fast as he would like. He moves his hands up and down my body sending shock waves through me.

**"Fuck! You feel so fucking good. I love seeing you." She leans her head back while I accost her body with my hands. "Faster Ana!" She picks up the pace for the second time. My hands go back to her hips. I love the feel of her grinding against me. I thrust upward with equal force. "Look at me." Her eyes snap open and stare directly at me. She is close. I can feel her body building, milking me tighter and tighter. "God Ana!" I won't last much longer. She leans forward placing her hands on my chest and moves even faster. When her hair falls, framing her face and breasts I lose control. She is so fucking beautiful. We release simultaneously then she collapses on top of me. **

I could lie here forever in his arms. He kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. "I love you so much Christian." I am suddenly exhausted and I feel myself drifting. I vaguely hear Christian tell me he loves me too before I am gone. The next thing I know I wake up alone in darkness. I wonder how long I slept and where Christian is. He must have rolled me off of him after I fell asleep. I can't believe I fell asleep on top of him. My bladder is calling. I move slowly to the bathroom and relieve my throbbing bladder. I want so badly to take a hot bath, but first I want to track down Christian's whereabouts. I slip on a robe and begin my search. He's not at the piano. He plays so beautifully, but I know he only finds himself there when he is lost. I am thankful tonight he doesn't feel the need to pound on the keys for solitude. My next guess is his office. I am surprised when I open the door to see the room empty. Hmm, I wonder where in the world he is. I guess he could have gone back to the hospital, but he didn't leave a note or text. I go to the game room, empty, the TV room, same. Finally I look in the library, my library and as I open the door I see his long, luscious body sprawled out in a chair. He is sound asleep with Yate's manuscript lying on his chest.

**I wake up to soft lips on my cheek and intense blue eyes staring back at me. I can't help but smile. "Sorry I must have fallen asleep. How was your nap?"**

"It was wonderful, but I couldn't find you when I woke up. I was a little worried."

**Moving the papers, I pull her into my lap inhaling her scent. She always smells so good, like home. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to disturb you. I remembered that you have a meeting with Yates tomorrow and I wanted to read more of his second book to help you prepare."**

"Damn! I totally forgot about tomorrow. Do you think I should reschedule? I don't feel prepared at all."

**"That is up to you. It wouldn't hurt to put it off a few more days."**

"I think I will just send him an email tonight requesting we move it to the end of the week. How far did you get before you fell asleep?"

**"I can tell you he doesn't care for me. He sees me as the one that stole Elena. How delusional is he? First of all she was married, second I was a screwed up kid, third I didn't even see what we did as a relationship. It was a means to an end."**

"You don't think you loved her?"

**"Not in the way Yates did. I was grateful to her. I felt like she helped me learn how to cope at a time when my life was falling apart. I really never knew what love felt like. Elena always said love was for fools. It wasn't until you, I began to understand what it meant to love someone. In comparison to what I feel for you, what I felt for Elena was simply a crush that turned into a friendship. Now all I feel is disgust. I always thought that she pursued me because she thought I needed help. Then after what she did to you and this revelation about Yates it makes me sick to think I ever felt anything for her."**

"I know this can't be easy for you to read. You know I have no love loss for Elena, but I know that you cared for her at one time in your life. If it's too much…"

**"Shhh!" I place my finger over her mouth. "Elena can't hurt either of us anymore and I am not going to let this fucker Yates put doubts or questions in your mind about me and how I feel about you. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Being a little uncomfortable is not too much to ask. We are in this together. Isn't that what you always tell me?"**

"Yes. I just hate seeing you hurt."

**"What you see isn't hurt. It's regret. I have to face this head on if I ever expect to have a real future, separate from all of the bullshit in my past. Now what do you say we get a bite to eat and go see my mom?"**

"I say that is a fabulous idea. Have you heard how she is feeling since this morning?"

**"Elliott called and said she is still pretty much the same. She is sleeping a lot, but the doctor still seems optimistic about her recovery. As much as I don't care for that bastard I will respect my mom's wishes and back off."**

I just give him a smile. As difficult as Christian can be, he is a momma's boy. I will never say that to him, but I have no doubt that second only to me he would do anything in his power to make her happy. "I am going to get a quick shower. Want to join me Mr. Grey?"

**"Only if I can get you dirty before I clean you up."**

"You already made me dirty, sir."

**"You can always get dirtier." I growl.  
**

I love my naughty, playful fifty. He has turned me insatiable. I will never get my fill of this man.

We stop for a quick bite then Taylor drops us at the hospital. To my surprise Kate and Elliott are still here.

"Have you guys been here all day?" Kate looks exhausted.

_"Yes, Elliott didn't want to leave his dad alone and Mia was worn out."_

"You should have called us. Christian and I could have been here sooner."

**_"Well since you're here now we will leave you to it." _**

Elliott stands pulling Kate up to his chest and wrapping her in a hug. It is rare to see them engage in affection that isn't playful. By the way he is holding her, Grace's illness is having the same effect on him and Christian. I wonder if Grace realizes what a hold she has on all of the men in her life. What a wonderful declaration of her character. I hug Kate before they depart. Christian is already in Grace's room engaged in conversation with Carrick. Grace is sleeping soundly. They have removed the tubes from her chest as well as the oxygen tube from her nose. I see this as a positive sign toward recovery. We stay for a few hours. Grace wakes up for short durations. Each time Carrick and Christian reassure her of their love. At one point as Christian is talking to his mother she catches my eye. I see her mouth _"Thank You", _I am moved by her expression. I would love to take full credit for Christian's new affectionate side, but I can't. I truly believe this is who he has always been. He took great care to hide it from everyone including himself. I was the one that somehow made him believe it was acceptable to feel. Grace prepared him for that moment his entire life. I shudder to think what his life might have been like if Grace and Carrick hadn't been willing to take him all those years ago. I continue with this line of thinking even as Taylor pulls into the garage at Escala. Occasionally, I stare at Christian in awe of the man he has become.

**"You have been quiet the entire ride home. Is everything okay?"**

"Perfect." I give him a small smile.

I go to sleep in Christian's arms after sending off my email to Yates and dream of our future. It is filled with flashes of a beautiful house on the San Juan Islands, there is a little boy, the spitting image of Christian with my eyes and lots of laughing. The future looks very bright indeed.


	119. Chapter 119

**Here is a small taste of what is to come with Yates. Let's just say Christian has reached his limit. Thanks for the kind reviews. I appreciate you all so much. I am at a stand still on exactly how dramatic I want to make this thing with Yates. Ideas are welcome. Private Message me your thoughts. I may combine them or they may just help me develop my own thoughts further. **

**To Bronze Goddess: I like how you write personal messages to your reviewers. Thanks as always for your devotion to my story. I cannot wait for your next chapter. Dr. Martinez was an ass. I am sure this is not the last time he and Christian will butt heads. LEt's just say there is a lot in store for Ana soon. I will not confirm or deny anything. Yates is a controlled crazy. He is right on the brink of losing it completely. I would love it if you have ideas about how that all should go down.**

**FluffyEmpress Carofenn: Thanks for your kind words. I try to write in a manner that is easy to follow. I tend like reading dialog more than descriptive text. I can appreciate the talent it takes to paint a picture with words I just don't have that in me. **

**Charmi: (Chap 117) I hope that 118 put your mind at ease a bit.**

**romance4me2: Thanks and I am setting up something with that ending.**

**kaycad742: Thanks for reading. **

**APEJEN: Hopefully this chapter will keep you wanting more.**

**fey36: Thanks its good to be back. **

**kelmal: Thanks for being such a loyal follower.**

**pookiebear3: I am glad to hear that you love Paging Dr Steele as much as I do. It is a great take on FSOG. So far I like it better than the original.**

Chapter 119

I can't help but wake with a huge smile on my face. I have dreams of Christian often, but this one was so powerful. I only hope that our life together will be half as wonderful. Christian is still sleeping and as I often do, I sit and watch him. His face is peaceful and relaxed. He carries so many burdens from work and life that it is rare to see him this way. I examine every inch of his face with my eyes. How did I get so lucky to win the heart of this man? I softly touch his face being careful not to wake him. It is still early and I want to have Luke take me by the hospital to check on Grace before my physical therapy session. I quickly throw on some workout clothes, knowing I will have to shower after my appointment since Brenda always pushes me to the brink. I pack a small bag, then grab a bagel and yogurt before leaving Christian a note.

Christian –

I left early. I wanted to see your mom before physical therapy. I will call you when I get to work.

Love,

Ana

Luke drives me first to the hospital. Grace is awake and even sitting upright. She looks like she is gaining some of her color as well as her strength back. Carrick is passed out on a roll away cot still dressed in his clothes from yesterday. He looks horribly uncomfortable. I quietly move to Grace's bed knowing Carrick, like Christian needs his rest. Grace pats the bed indicating for me to sit.

"_Good morning Ana. What brings you by so early?"_

"I was on my way to therapy and I wanted to check on you and Carrick."

"_That is very sweet of you. How is Christian? He looked tired yesterday."_

"He was still asleep when I left this morning. His spirits are much higher now that you are improving."

"_I can imagine he was not dealing with my hospitalization well."_

"You could say that. I am sure the nurses will be grateful that you are now able to keep him calm."

"_Oh I can only imagine. Although Amy said that you did a wonderful job explaining Christian's over -zealous personality."_

"I just apologized, explaining that he tends to treat every situation like a hostile take-over."

"_That is a great assessment of my son. He and Dr. Martinez seemed to clash immediately. I can't say that I am surprised. I know their temperaments are similar, but Martinez is the best in his field just as Christian is the best in his. I think with that comes some lack of propriety."_

"I thought I was going to have to call security. Neither of them were backing down. Thank god you woke up when you did."

"_I think you scared them half to death when you yelled."_

I laugh and shrug my shoulders. "I just did what I had to do. I hate to do this because I could sit and chat with you all day, but if I am ever going to be free of this contraption, " I say pointing at my cane. "I can't afford to miss my session. I will try to come by again after work. Please call if you need anything. Maggie will understand if I need to leave early."

"_I understand sweetie. Thanks for coming by and cheering me up. Have a great day and I will see you later.'_

I kiss her on the cheek and leave. Luke is waiting for me right outside the room. Therapy proves strenuous. Thankfully all my hard work is paying off. Brenda graduated me to a regular cane, I am happy to be rid of the grandma one. She is hopeful that in a few more weeks I will be totally independent. I can't wait to tell Christian. I walk into the office and am greeted by Jeff Yates. Did I not send that email? Even if I forgot he is early. Our original appointment is not until after lunch. Luke notices my confusion and stays in close proximity.

"_**Good morning Miss Steele. I am glad you could finally make it."**_

Finally make it? I get here every Monday at this exact time. I am not in the frame of mind to deal with his circular conversations. "Good Morning, did you not receive my email?"

"_**I received it."**_

Then why in the hell are you here jackass. "Then you are aware that I needed to move the meeting to later this week. I am not prepared this morning."

"_**Unfortunately that is not acceptable for me."**_

"Well Mr. Yates acceptable or not I cannot meet with you today. So you need to find a day that works for you and I will check my schedule."

"_**Today is the day that works for me. You seem to be free right now so no need to check your schedule."**_

I look at Luke and roll my eyes. "Like I said in my email today will not work for me."

"_**And why is that Miss Steele?"**_

"Honestly I haven't had time to read your second manuscript. I had a very busy weekend and was unable to get to it."

"_**That is okay. I can fill in the holes for you."**_

"Since I am an editor it is my job to concentrate on not only the story line but the grammatical errors it would not be advantageous to have you portray it to me verbally."

"_**Fair point Miss Steele."**_

Finally, I am making some headway. "Why don't we just plan on meeting Thursday?"

"_**Still I am here now. I could sit while you read and clarify for you."**_

Good God in heaven above this man is impossible. "Fine, we can go through the chapters I have completed. This is not the way I like to do my work. For the record I want my objection noted. I can tell you are not going to leave so I will accommodate you today, but in the future I will not give."

"_**Noted, now let's get started."**_

He seems almost giddy. I am in knots. I really wanted to have the time to discuss a plan of action with Christian. I am not sure how good I am at winging it. I sit behind my desk as Yates takes a seat across from. Luke stands nearby with his eyes fixed on us. I have never been more grateful for personal security than right now. I am uneasy about Yate's intentions and knowing Luke is here sets my mind at ease, a little. I pull out the manuscript and hand it to him. He looks over my notes.

"_**Did you discuss this with Mr. Grey as I requested?"**_

Shit! I will need to choose my words wisely. "Mr. Grey has a copy of both manuscripts. As I have already said I had a hectic weekend and have not been able to discuss much with my fiancé."

"_**So you are telling me he hasn't said anything to you about my story."**_

"I didn't say that."

"_**Then what are his thoughts."**_

"Sir, I feel that if Mr. Grey's opinion is what concerns you then you should set up a meeting with him personally. I do not feel comfortable discussing his expressed views of your work. Honestly my job is to assess the story and get it ready for publishing. My personal opinion should not factor unless it is in some way related to the books marketability."

Luke nods in approval. He knows as well as I do that I am treading thin ice. I am not sure how long I can keep up this façade. I have many opinions I would love to share, but without knowing his intent I have to be vague.

"_**I know what your job description is Miss Steele. If all I wanted was an excellent editor I could have had Maggie do it. You know very well that I want your opinion of my work for more than just sales."**_

The phone rings just as he finishes his sentence. I need a reprieve so I pick it up.

"Williams Publishing, this is Ana."

"**I thought you were going to call me?"**

I concentrate on keeping calm. Hearing Christian's voice on the other end I want to divulge the entire situation. Knowing that it will only raise more questions in Yate's mind I decide to not let him know who I am speaking with.

"Yes sir. I was looking over your manuscript this morning. I must have lost track of time."

"**What? What are you talking about?"**

"Can I give you a call back in a little bit I am currently with a client."

"**What client Ana? Why are you talking in code? Is Yates there Ana?"**

"Yes sir. That is correct. I will give you a call just after lunch. Thanks for understanding."

"**Why the hell is he there? Do you need me to come."**

"Yes sir that would be appreciated. I will look for your correspondence as soon as possible."

"**I am on my way. Keep him talking."**

"Yes sir I am afraid I will be tied up most of the morning, but I should be able to get to that today. Expect a call as I said after lunch. Have a good morning. Good Bye."

I hang up and I am not sure if I just did the right thing or not. I want to handle this and have Yates move along, but the way the conversation is going I don't think he is going to cooperate.

"I'm sorry for interrupting you. You were saying?"

"_**I was saying that you know as well as I do that it is your personal opinion that I am after."**_

"Okay, well my opinion is that while the story is quite entertaining, I think your character seems to be too invested with his heart to see what is blatantly obvious."

"_**Care to explain?"**_

"I see Maria as a predator. She seems to have a thing for young boys. I am personally disgusted by her actions."

"_**I think you are misinterpreting her intentions."**_

"Maybe, why don't you enlighten me?"

"_**Maria is unhappy with her marriage and begins an affair with the pool boy."**_

"Who is under age."

"_**Yes, but you know as well as I do that you cannot prevent an intense attraction. They were drawn to each other. There was no stopping fate."**_

"I don't see this as fate. Maria doesn't struggle with her immediate attraction to this young man at all. Most people would be torn between their feelings and what is considered appropriate. We both know that there is nothing appropriate about an affair between an underage boy and an older married woman. I see her pursuing him from day one without a thought of the consequences."

"_**She is a woman that knows what she wants."**_

"For argument sake, what if this was an older man pursuing a young girl?"

"_**That is different and you know it."**_

"How so?"

"_**Boys are sexual beings and girls are emotional. Boys spend every day looking for something to put their dicks in once they reach puberty. Girls on the other hand want romance and relationships."**_

"I might buy that theory if this relationship was based on sex alone. However, the continuation of the story proves this to be wrong. Your character obviously has developed deep feelings for his abuser. He is losing control of his life trying to get her back. She seems to have moved on to another boy. This just proves my point that she is a predator. She cut you off without a second thought. While you were running around making yourself crazy over her rejection she was victimizing a new naïve boy."

"_**Very astute of you to realize that this is an autobiography Miss Steele. Seems you have some unexpressed knowledge on the subject."**_

I hadn't even realized that I had stopped speaking about the characters letting him know I knew this was his story. I don't know how I am going to get myself out of this one. I try to think of something quick.

"In my experience authors who write with such passion in their story have some experience on the subject. I just assumed this was from a personal event."

"_**I am sure it did not take you long to perceive that, since you are aware of a similar story."**_

"I am not sure what you are speaking of."

"_**Bullshit!"**_

Just as he yells at me Christian walks in the door. His eyes are full of rage. As relieved as I am to see him I hope he can remain calm. All I need is a brawl in my workplace. Yates cranes his head to see Christian.

"_**Aw Mr. Grey. How good of you to join us. Your ears must have been burning. Ana and I have been in a deep discussion regarding you."**_

He lies. I have said nothing about Christian. He also used my first name as a way to get under Christian's skin. "We were only discussing Mr. Yates and his life experiences."

"_**Oh, but I think Christian and I have similar histories. Is that not the case Mr .Grey?"**_

Christian moves to my side placing his hands on my shoulders as he stands behind me. This is his way of reassuring me of his loyalties. I relax a bit.

"**Mr. Yates I am surprised to see you here this morning. Ana mentioned she had rescheduled your appointment."**

"_**Yes it seems she tried to. I insisted that she meet with me today."**_

"**I insist that you respect Ana's wishes. We have a previous engagement that we need to attend to."**

"_**Strange Mr. Grey Ana did not mention she had an engagement to attend to. I was hoping you would be available to join in our conversation."**_

"**I am sure that it slipped her mind. We had quite a busy weekend and as much as I would love to hear what you have to say I must insist that if you wish to speak to me or Ana about personal matters you should make an appointment with my assistant and meet us at my office where we can be sure to have more privacy."**

"_**Oh you can bet that I will do just that. Ana please finish reading the second installment and send me your notes. I will be eagerly anticipating our time at GEH. Until then, Mr. Grey, Miss Steele." He nods going toward the door.**_

"**One last thing Mr. Yates." I say just before he leaves. "If you ever try to intimidate my fiancé again you will not like the outcome."**

"_**Is that a threat Mr. Grey?"**_

"**No it's a promise." He leaves without another word. I really want to chase him down and beat the shit out of him, but I know in the long run the only way to beat a man like Yates is through wit. I bring Ana to her feet, turning her to face me. I speak in her ear enveloping her in my arms. "Are you okay? Did he threaten you? I could kill him for trying to back you into a corner."**

"I'm fine. I was holding my own."

"_She was amazing Mr. Grey. I was listening closely to make sure Ana didn't need me to step in. She did a great job at rebutting his questions."_

"**In the future, Luke if Yates is within 100 feet of Ana I want to be informed immediately."**

"_Yes sir."_

"**What would you have done if I hadn't called? He seemed like he was willing to stay here all day assaulting you."**

"I would have found a way to get rid of him. I am sure Luke would have strong armed him if needed." I smile at Luke. He is shaking his head in agreement. "I made a mistake that I am afraid may cause problems. While I was discussing his characters and my assessment of them I accidentally slipped letting him know that I knew the story was about him."

"**I am sure he is already aware that you know the story is about him. I don't think your slip will do anything but move the progress along. I am ready to get this situation rectified and be done with Mr. Yates for good. He is causing you stress that you don't need. From now on I don't want you speaking to him without me present. I am not asking Ana and this is not up for discussion."**

"After today, I know you are right. He is getting bolder and I am afraid at what he is capable of."

"**Now that this is settled go tell Maggie that you will be out the rest of the day. I don't want Yates thinking we were lying about our engagement."**

"What do you have in mind?"

"**I wanted to visit my mom and then we will just play it by ear."**

I explain to Maggie that we are going to see Grace and I will be taking the day. She sends her get well wishes to pass along to Grace. Luke drives home and I ride with Taylor and Christian. I sit close to him on the ride over.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue."

"**Always."**


	120. Chapter 120

**Thanks for your support. I have received several suggestions for the Yates drama. I feel like I have a clear picture now of exactly how this is going to go down. Hold onto your seats. This chapter is the tip of the iceberg. I hope it meets every ones expectations.**

**Louisvuittonfreak: Good to have you back. I have missed your feedback. Even if my story has not always gone as you suggested you have made me reconsider some chapters as I write. Keep challenging me!**

**Bronze Goddess: Thanks for the PM it helped me work out some doubts I had. I have found clarity and you are partially responsible. Can't wait until Wednesday.**

**Fluffy Empress: Thanks for the reassurance. I am so happy that you are enjoying my take on FSOG.**

**Luvdisney: I haven't read A Beautiful Tragedy, but now I must. Thanks for the continued reviews.**

**fey36: I see where you are coming from, but you have to keep in mind that she was trying to draw him out for information. She knew the risk of playing his game. You may find this chapter more to your liking.**

**pookiebear: Thanks for the positive review. I think Ana is showing everyone how capable she is while still being careful not to give Christian grief about her safety.**

**romance4me2: Thanks for the PM you too have had a big influence on the Yates outcome. I hope you approve. Lots to come.**

**APEJEN: Mystery will be solved soon.**

**If I missed you in my response I am sorry. Thanks for all of your continued support. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 120

The next week goes by uneventfully. Grace was released from the hospital on Friday. If I never see the inside of a hospital it will be too soon. Mia, Kate and I take Saturday to recoop with a spa day. I surprised Christian by getting a Brazilian. Let's just say he rewarded me many times over with his mouth, hands, and member. I lost count at 6 orgasms that night. It took me half of Sunday to recover. On Monday morning I approached Maggie letting her know that I was no longer comfortable being in contact with Jeff Yates. After an explanation of his personal questions and his obsession with Christian she agreed. I was thankful she allowed me to be vague about what warranted his obsession. I think she just assumed he was attracted to me and therefore wanted Christian out of the way. She instructed me to forward all correspondence directly to her. Over the weekend he has emailed me at least 10 times with various requests and input into my progress. I did as Maggie asked and forwarded them after I sent him a brief email informing him that I would no longer be his editor and any concerns or questions he might have, needed to be directed to Maggie or Mark.

The next few days seem to be peaceful. Looking back it was the calm before the storm. On Wednesday I attend therapy and then go straight to work. I work feverishly all morning. At lunch Luke drives me to GEH. I had mentioned having lunch with Christian this week, but I chose not to confess my intentions today. The elevator is filled with the aroma of Chinese take-out. I am so hungry. Could this elevator move more slowly? I may starve before we reach Christian's office. Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic, but the yogurt and fruit that I chose for breakfast was burned off in the first 30 minutes of therapy. Arriving at Christian's floor I greet Andrea with a smile. She informs me that Christian is in a meeting and she is not sure how long he will be. Damn it! I am hungry, now my food is going to be cold. I may start gnawing at my arm if he doesn't hurry.

"Andrea if I might ask, how long has he been in this meeting?"

"_It has been about 30 minutes. He did ask me to inform him if you called."_

"Well I would say this is much more important than just a phone call, don't you?" I wink and she gives me a broad smile.

"_Yes I think it is." She picks up the receiver and buzzes Christian. "Mr. Grey Miss Steele needs to speak with you."_

"**Please transfer her."**

I take that as my cue to enter his office. As I place my hand on the door I am not sure this was the best course of action. What if he is with someone important? He may be furious with my bombardment. Oh well, I will just have to beg for forgiveness later. Feeling brave I swing the door open and am stunned. Two heads snap in my direction. Christian stalks toward me taking my hand and tucking me under his arm. I can only imagine what I have interrupted. Bile rises in my throat and the Chinese food no longer has a pleasant aroma. I gather myself.

**Kissing Ana goodbye this morning I felt a pang of guilt for not divulging that Yates had requested a meeting today. He had also requested Ana be present. I don't want that fucker anywhere near her again. I plan on letting him know this ends today. He is messing with the wrong man. I don't give a fuck what he thinks he might gain in this little game he is playing. I try to concentrate all morning on business. It proves impossible. I wish I had moved him to first thing this morning then I would be done with that piece of shit and on with my life. He's lucky I didn't kill him with my bare hands last week when I walked in on him berating Ana. If I hadn't thought it would cause problems for Maggie and Mark I would have kicked his ass into next week. If I am honest I know that would have just thrown more fuel on the fire, making his vendetta against me stronger. At 11:30 am Andrea buzzes me. Thank fuck he is at least timely. Normally I would greet my guests, not today. I refuse to even stand when he walks in the door. **

"**Have a seat." I make sure my tone is unreadable. This is a finely tuned skill that has served me well in many tense negotiations. I want to feel him out. There will be a time for intimidation and even anger, but not yet.**

"_**Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I thought Miss Steele would be joining us?"**_

**You would like that wouldn't you. You see her as my weakness, a way to get to a man that you have been looking to hurt for over decade now. Not going to happen. "I chose not to inform Miss Steele of this meeting. You have had more than ample opportunity to discuss your motives with her."**

"_**So that is how you want to play this? Did you also demand Miss Steele remove herself as my editor?"**_

"**It seems that you are the one into games. I would like to cut to the chase. First you should know Ana makes her own decisions. She came to that conclusion completely on her own." Let's get this moving. I know how he tries to talk in circles to confuse Ana. That won't be happening today. I have no patience for obtuse people. **

"_**Why do I feel like you are purposely keeping Ana from me because you are afraid she may actually see what you really are?"**_

**I can't help, but laugh. How presumptuous of him to assume he knows anything about mine and Ana's relationship.**

"_**What is so funny Mr. Grey?"**_

"**Is that what this is about? You think you will tell Ana all the bad things I have ever done in my life and she will go running for the hills or better yet into your arms? You really know nothing about my devotion to my fiancé or hers to me. I regret to inform you that you have no move here. Ana is well aware of all my flaws. She accepts everything about me."**

"_**I can't believe that to be true. Ana doesn't strike me as the type of girl who would be okay with our lifestyle."**_

"**You underestimate Miss Steele. I have already informed you that she has chosen to distance herself from you and I will do whatever it takes to back her. As of this moment she is off limits to you. If I hear that you took a breath in her direction I will have your balls."**

"_**Now you underestimate me Mr. Grey. I will not back off so easily. I have had many years exact my revenge on you."**_

"**For Elena?"**

"_**Yes for Elena. You stole her from me. We were content as lovers and one day out of the blue some little 15 year old fucker pops into her life and she acts as if I no longer exist."**_

"**As much as I would love to have sympathy for you, you are delusional. Elena pursued me, not the other way around. I am truly sorry that she broke your heart, but I can't believe she ever lead you to believe she was in love with you."**

"_**Why would you think that? We had a long standing relationship."**_

"**Elena always laughed at people in love. I can't count the times that she told me love was for fools." I see these words strike a chord with him. If I didn't know his character so well I might actually feel sorry for the poor bastard. "I can't help but wonder after reading your story if you were the first or I was the last. She seemed to have a thing for troubled young boys."**

"_**Are you saying she was a pedophile?"**_

"**That is exactly what I am saying. Stop me if I am wrong. She made you believe you were special. Not everyone had your gift and that what she had to teach you would make you invincible." He doesn't stop me so I continue. "Then she spent years grooming you to be at her disposal. She knew she could get us to do whatever she wanted. What were we going to do go have sex with some random teenage girl in the back of a car? She ruined us for a normal life. Not that either of us ever had a so called normal life."**

"_**Don't assume you know anything about my life."**_

"**Don't I? Your dad left your mom for his secretary, your mom turned to booze to self-medicate and you turned to Elena to make you feel something other than numb. That was her specialty. Find the withdrawn puppy and beat him into submission all the while making him believe it was what he wanted."**

" **I see only one difference in our situations."**

"_**And what would that be?"**_

**I can't tell whether he is still angry at me or himself for not seeing all of this years ago? "You fell in love with Elena and I didn't. Maybe that is why she stuck around with me. I was a challenge to her up until the day she died. I never gave into her completely."**

"_**I can't imagine that she was incapable of love. There were times that I saw it. And if what you say is true you didn't love Elena then why have continual contact with her?"**_

"**You saw what you wanted to see just as I did. I felt indebted to her for teaching me control over all aspects of life."**

"_**But you don't feel that now?"**_

"**No I don't. I made myself who I am. I can't say exactly what would have happened if I had never fallen under her spell, but I now believe that I would have found my way where I am today. I am not sure what you plan to do with this knowledge, but I am going to tell you one last time. Ana is off limits. You think about harming a single hair on her head and any sympathy I may have shown here today will be ancient history. I suggest you go back to New York take back your career and forget Elena ever existed. I will not be as amiable if our paths cross again."**

**Just as I finish my sentence the door opens. I am shocked to see Ana. She is carrying takeout. I move instinctively toward her shielding her in my own way from Yates. I want him to get the message that to get to her he will have to go through me first. **

"Um, I am sorry to interrupt. I just thought I would bring by lunch, but maybe this was a bad idea." My voice is a little shaky. Christian never mentioned meeting with Yates today. I'm sure he was trying to spare me more stress. He knew I was talking to Maggie this morning about removing myself from his account.

"**No actually you have perfect timing. Mr. Yates was just leaving." I turn toward him instilling one last reminder. "I suggest you take my words to heart."**

"_**Good to see you as always, Ana." **_

He nods and walks out the door. I sit in silence for a moment. Was that the same man that has been torturing me weeks with his overbearing and demeaning personality? What in the hell did Christian say to him to make him so docile. Do I even want to know? Of course I do.

"What in the hell did you say to him?"

"**Watch your mouth. I have given you too many passes lately with that dirty mouth. I think maybe I should rectify the problem now." I say in a seductive and teasing tone.**

"Christian don't change the subject. I asked a question that requires an answer."

"**Let's just say I enlightened him a bit."**

"You aren't going to tell me? I thought we agreed to full disclosure."

"**I just let him know that there is nothing he could share with you regarding my past that you aren't aware of. I also opened his eyes a bit regarding Elena's true character. But most importantly I explained that you were completely off limits."**

"Did you threaten him?" Not that I mind, I just don't want Christian to do anything that may cause him harm physically or legally.

"**Not so much threatened as promised to make his life a living hell if he didn't back off."**

"Do you think he will leave us alone?"

"**If he knows what is good for him he will. Now I want to concentrate on this gorgeous woman standing in front of me." I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close to my chest. "If my nose is correct you brought Chinese?" She nods and I take the bag from her hand placing it on the desk beside me then turn my attention back to Ana. "Are you hungry?" I kiss just behind her ear and down her neck. She relaxes completely in my arms allowing my mouth full access. "Or would you rather finish what we have started?" I grab the back of her head with my free hand then firmly press my lips on hers. We get lost in the kiss until we are both breathless. I break away and place my forehead on hers. Her breathing is erratic. "I almost forgot I promised retribution for your dirty mouth. Face the desk." Her eyes light up. I am pleased with her eagerness. Once she is facing the desk I move some correspondence out of the way and tell her to place her hands flat on top. She complies immediately. "As much as I really want to spank you for your crudeness I won't risk someone hearing us." She is quivering with anticipation. "Take your shoes off, but don't move your hands." She uses her feet to push the tennis shoes off her heal before kicking them off. I lean into her ear. "Good girl." I unbutton her pants and slide them and her underwear to the ground. "Step out Anastasia. You like this don't you?"**

"Yes Sir." I mutter. My voice is shaking with anticipation. He spreads my legs wide with his knee. I am dripping wet. I don't know what he is going to do next. Part of me wants to feel is hands on me, but a bigger part of me wants him to just take me hard and fast. I know no matter what he does I will be thrilled. I hear him unzip his pants and my body begins to shake almost uncontrollably. I want him in me NOW! He is taking his sweet tortuous time and I feel like I might die from the anticipation.

"**You are shaking, are you scared Anastasia?" She whispers, **"No Sir." "**Are you eager? What do you want?" **"I want you Sir." "**Are you sure?" **"Yes Sir**." Her voice is quivering, almost in pain and I haven't even touched her yet. "Would you like me to fuck you now?" **"Please Sir." **She is desperate and it is making me so hard. She is pure perfection. My voice alone can bring her to her knees. I decide to put her out of her misery. Just as I slam into her she hollers out in ecstasy. As I pull out I scold her. "You are going to have to be quiet Ana or people may hear." **"I'm sorry Sir." **As I enter her again her head flies back but no sounds escape. Even though I can't see her face I am sure she must be biting her lip to control her outbursts. The thought only drives me to fuck her harder and faster. I keep my tone steady and low. "You are so fucking wet. You like it this way don't you?" **Yes Sir." **It comes out more like a controlled scream. "Fuck yes!" I can feel her impending release. I grab onto her hips tighter increasing my rhythm. She lets out a few squeaks. I know she is struggling to control her volume. Her arms and legs tighten and then immediately relax. I let go and we ride out the wave together. She collapses on the desk and I pick her limp body up moving her to the couch. After cleaning myself up with my handkerchief I assist her and then dress her again. "Do you know fucking amazing you are?"**

I just look up, giving him a sleepy smile. I have to admit this is not what I was expecting when I brought lunch, but I am not complaining. I drift off, unable to fight the heaviness of my eyes. Maybe I should have eaten first. I begrudgingly awake to Christian's voice.

"I am so tired. Can't I just sleep a little longer?"

"**I want you to eat before you have to go. I let you sleep as long as possible."**

I sit up and force down my food for Christian's sake. After a few minutes I get my bearings back.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"**You obviously needed it. Next time we will eat first."**

**We finish up lunch and I reluctantly let Ana go back to work. I brief Luke on my conversation with Yates. He knows to be more diligent until we know better what his next move will be. I can only hope for Ana's sake he will back off. I know she is ready to be rid of this drama. The rest of the day I go through the motions, but can't shake the feeling that this thing has only begun.**


	121. Yates

I was going to write this in the last chapter, but I hated to ruin Christian and Ana's high note. Maybe this will be a better aid at understanding the crazy that is Jeff Yates. He's right up there with Jack Hyde in the books, except I think a scorned lover may be the most unpredictable kind of looney.

Insight into Yates

_**Change of Plans**_

_**Walking out of GEH I am fuming. I can't believe he had the audacity to say those things about Elena. All this proves is that what we had was exactly what I thought it was. I am not sure why she attached herself to Christian Grey for so many years except that they were tied through business. That must be it. She may have initially done it out of attraction, but obviously he became just an asset to her livelihood. I may despise the man, but he is excellent in business. Her untimely death rests square on his shoulders. After speaking with Elena briefly just weeks before she took her own life she was so distraught over Grey's betrayal and liquidation of her businesses. How dare he ruin a woman who gave him everything he had and for what that little 20 something piece of ass. I can't imagine that she would even know how to give a good blow job. Christian had the best and he traded it all for that. What a waste. I will admit I was attracted to her when we first met, then I remembered she was attached to him and went instantly limp. She is just as bad as him, acting as if she is the greatest editor on the planet. I never would have gone to that rinky dink publishing house in the first place. It was by mere chance that I ran into Kelly Williams at her parent's benefit and overheard her giving Christian Grey's regrets for his absence. She mentioned Ana as his girlfriend who worked for them and my ears perked up. Fate had smiled on me that night. I had waited a decade for Christian to be attached to someone other than Elena. I bided my time to figure out just how serious he was about this girl. When it was apparent Mr. I don't do love had fallen hard I knew this was my chance. If he thinks I am letting this go he is dead wrong. I would take him out, but that would serve no purpose other than me never having to see that smug face of his again. No he needs to suffer. Ana is definitely his weak spot, evident today by his continual threats if I went near her. I will have to change my plans. If she can't be scared away by his past then she will just have to be taken from him. No doubt he will have security detail with her 24/7. Time is on my side. Patience is my friend and I will be sure to have my shit together when the time is right. Christian Grey won't know what hit him. Now if my damn mother would just hurry up and die already. I really don't know why I feel like my being present for her death is important. I guess it is the only child guilt. **_


	122. Chapter 122

**There were too many reviews to address individually on the last chapter. Thanks for that! I am just getting started so I hope you enjoy. **

Chapter 122

Grace has called an impromptu Grey dinner so Friday night Christian picks me up at work and we ride together to Bellevue. Grace only has 2 more chemo treatments left. Her spirits seem high as the end approaches. I sit and take in the family chatter before dinner is served. Christian and Elliott are discussing one of Elliott's new projects. Mia and Kate are talking fashion trends, of course. Jacob is engaging Carrick in a political debate. I notice Grace is deep in her own observation. Our eyes meet and we both smile. I haven't even known them all, other than Kate, quite a year I can't imagine my life without any of them in it. Just as dinner is served Christian squeezes my hand.

"**Everything Okay? You are really quiet tonight."**

"I'm great! Perfect actually."

After everyone has eaten Christian stands to make our announcement. I am both excited and nervous.

"**Thank you mom for having us over this evening. It is good to see you home and doing so well. Ana and I thought tonight was the perfect opportunity to announce that we have set a date for the wedding." Mia is clapping her hands already. "We hope it doesn't inconvenience any of you but we were hoping to have it here on May 4****th****."**

"_As in a month from now?" Mia asks._

"**Yes Mia a month from tomorrow."**

"_Oh dear. There are so many things we need to do."_

"I am so sorry to stress you out Mia." I feel bad springing it on her like this.

"_I do my best work under pressure. Looks like we will be spending a lot of time together over the next few weeks." Mia is practically giddy._

"**Mom, are you okay with all of this? I realize now maybe I should have run it by you and dad first."**

"_Your father and I would love to have the wedding here, the sooner the better. We are so happy that you will finally be officially starting your life together. I couldn't be more blessed to be gaining Ana as a daughter."_

"Thank you Grace. You all mean so much to me."

After dessert Mia corners me in the living room. I can barely keep up with her questions. Once she stops to take a breath I intercede.

"Mia honestly I trust you. My only request is nothing extravagant. I will send you some songs that I have in mind, but you really should talk to Christian too. He may have some requests. His tastes are far more refined than mine. Also, we are just inviting close friends and family."

By the time we leave I have committed to a full day of dress shopping tomorrow. I have a feeling I am going to be exhausted for the next month. Maybe I should have talked Christian into eloping. Saturday is a whirlwind. After trying on every dress in the store, I am still no closer to finding the dress of my dreams. Luke drives me home and I collapse on the bed.

"**Long day? Any luck?"**

"I think your sister is going to be the death of me."

"**That bad?"**

"I had fun, but Mia and Kate are like professional tag team shoppers. I don't want to see another wedding dress again."

"**I take it you didn't find what you wanted."**

"No and I tried on just about everything in the store. I just want it to be perfect."

"**Ana it's you who makes the dress not the other way around. Don't try so hard."**

"Easier said than done. Maybe I'll try again next week. Now I really should call my parents. I don't want them thinking we are purposely leaving them out of the loop."

"**I'll leave you to it. I have some work I can do and then we can eat. Gail left some options in the fridge." **

"Okay I'll come see you when I'm done. Sorry if I am being negative."

"**Can you imagine what my attitude would be right now if I had spent the entire day with Mia and Kate? You are doing exceptionally well."**

I can't help but laugh picturing him after a day of shopping with those two.

"**See you're feeling better all ready." After a kiss I know I need to leave. I would much rather relieve her stress, but I know she is right. She needs to share the news with her parents. **

I reluctantly let Christian leave and dial my dad first. He is surprised that we are suddenly in such a hurry. I explain that with everything Grace is going through Christian and I both don't want to rob her of such a joyous occasion. He seems to understand and promises to walk me down the aisle. We make plans for him to come visit soon for his tuxedo fitting. After hanging up I then call my mom. I feel bad that I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks.

"_Ana it is so good to hear from you. It has been a while."_

"I know mom, I'm sorry. It has been crazy at work." I can't possibly tell my mom that an author has been harassing me because he and Christian were both victims of a pedophile, the same woman that I shot after she pushed me down a flight of stairs leaving me temporarily paralyzed. Oh and your ex-husband that used to beat me was her accomplice.

"_I understand sweetie. I just worry about you. Are you still going to therapy."_

"Yes, I just graduated to a regular cane which I have been using less and less of over the last few days."

"_That is wonderful darling. I knew you would make a full recovery."_

"I actually called to share some news."

"_Good news I hope."_

"Yes good news. Christian and I have decided to get married May 4th at Bellevue."

"_How exciting! I am certainly glad you two worked through your issues. You know I will help you as much as I can. I am not sure how easy that will be from Georgia, but we can make it work."_

"I am actually letting Mia handle most of it. You know me mom. Planning events is not my thing. Don't you remember the one party I threw in 5th grade?"

"_Oh yes. I knew then you would never be a party planner. Luckily none of those girls held it against you."_

"Yes dad saved the day offering to take everyone to the lake."

_"Ray has always been a sucker for girls. You had him wrapped around your finger from day one."_

"_Have you found a dress yet?"_

"Not yet. I'm a little frustrated with the whole search. "

"_I am sure it isn't as bad as you say. You would look amazing in a burlap sack."_

"Thanks mom. Hopefully I will find one soon."

"_You sound tired today. Are you getting enough rest?"_

"Don't worry. I am just worn out from a shopping trip with Mia and Kate."

"_I can imagine. From previous stories Kate seems to be a marathon shopper. You have never really enjoyed shopping. When you were little I hated that you weren't a girly girl, but as you got older I came to be thankful for how low maintenance you were compared to all of my friend's daughters."_

"Yes I recall clearly how you wanted to always dress me in frilly dresses and bows. I would purposely play in the dirt in rebellion. I don't think I put a dress on again until I was in college."

"_I know I just couldn't resist. You looked like a little porcelain doll all dressed up"_

"Mom I hate to do this, but Christian is waiting on me for dinner. I promise to call again soon."

"_Please do. I miss you sweetie"_

"I miss you too. I will talk to you soon. I love you."

"_Love you too and I am happy for you and Christian."_

"Thanks mom, bye."

Christian and I eat dinner. Then after a bath I go straight to bed. I am sure Christian is cursing Mia for wearing me out. The next few weeks fly by. Between work, wedding planning and dress shopping I find myself more tired than usual. Mia seems to have a handle on all the particulars. I finally found a dress at Marcella's La Boutique. It is a Monique Lhullier white strapless corset bodice embroidered tulle gown with modified a-line skirt. I am in love with it and I can't wait for Christian to see me walk down the aisle. I haven't heard a word from Yates since he met with Christian. I am hopeful that maybe he got the hint. Christian has not let his guard down. He hired another guard for me to help Luke. I feel ridiculous having 2 large men always following me around. I am trying to be a good sport because I know it sets Christian's mind at ease. We are now less than 2 weeks from the big day. I decide at lunch today to go get a checkup and maybe a b12 shot after Christian has nagged me about my well-being because I can't seem to get enough sleep. Luke escorts me inside and Ryan sits outside in the car. A nurse calls me back.

"_I need you to step on the scale Miss Steele." _

I comply noticing that I have gained some weight since the last time I was here. I can't think why. I haven't done anything different. It must be stress. She jots down my number and leads me to a room.

"_What brings you in today?"_

"I have been unusually tired lately. I thought it was because I am planning a wedding, but no matter how much rest I get it doesn't seem to be enough."

"_Congratulations!"_

"Thank you."

"_When was the first day of your last period."_

I am currently on the 15th day of my birth control so that means it was almost 2 weeks ago. "April 9th I say confidently."

"_Could you be pregnant?"_

"No. I am on the pill and my periods have been regular."

Except for that one month that I missed a period, thought I was pregnant and my boyfriend threw me out on my ass.

"_The doctor will be in soon."_

I sit and wait. It has to be stress. There is no other explanation. We haven't used 2 forms of birth control in months because I decided I was just being paranoid. I go round and round with my thoughts until finally the doctor interrupts.

"_**Good morning Miss Steele. I see that you have had some issues with fatigue. Are you sure you aren't pregnant."**_

I was before I walked in this place. "Pretty sure."

"_**I see you are on the pill. My suggestion is that we do some blood work to rule out anemia, hypothyroidism and pregnancy. In the mean time I will give you a B12 shot and see if it helps. We should have an answer in the next 48 hours. If everything comes back normal we can assume it is stress and continue with the B12 injections."**_

"Okay." I don't know what else to say. I have to wait 48 hours for answers. Please let everything come back normal. It is just stress. It is just stress. It is just stress…..the nurse comes back in and takes 3 vials of blood then gives me an injection. I leave with more questions than answers. It is going to be a long 48 hours.

Once back at work I receive a call from Kelly. She and Jose are planning a trip out for the wedding. They are doing great and have even moved in together. Jose's photography business is booming in New York. It seems like all of my friends are doing well in love and life.

"_Hey Ana, I bet you are completely stressed out."_

"You could say that." I laugh.

"_I was thinking that you and the girls should come out to New York this weekend for a last hoorah before you take the plunge."_

"I would love to, I am not sure Mia will be able to break away but I could talk to her. What if I came early? Maybe Thursday? I know you have been wanting to meet with me about my book we could kill two birds with one stone."

"_Great idea."_

"Ok I will talk to Christian tonight and get back with you as soon as possible."

"_Sounds good. Talk to you then."_

Later that night I tell Christian about my phone call from Kelly.

"**I think that would be fun for you. I know you have been stressed so maybe some time away will do the trick."**

"I was thinking of leaving Wednesday night so I could meet with Kelly about my book Thursday. I am not sure if Mia and Kate can leave that early, but if not they could always just meet me there Friday."

"**Unfortunately, Ros is using the jet for a meeting in Florida and won't be back until Friday night. I guess you could fly commercial, but you will have to take Ryan and Luke with you**_."_

"Why? Yates is still in Seattle with his mother. No one would dream that I would go to New York the weekend before my wedding. I am probably safer there than here."

**She has a point. I could request security out of the New York office. It would give me 4 days with Ryan, Luke and Taylor to plan for the wedding security. Yates has kept his nose clean. He hasn't contacted Ana in weeks and seems to spend most of his time at his dying mother's bedside. I have 24/7 surveillance on him so if he leaves Seattle I will be the first to know. "You can meet security there, but you have to promise me that you will use my driver and go straight to the penthouse. I want to know where you are at all times."**

"Thank you. Can you tell the security there to keep some distance? I really want to enjoy my time with my friends."

"**Your pushing your luck. I can tell them not to hover like Luke and Ryan do."**

"Fair enough. Thanks for compromising. You're the best." I kiss his cheek. "I'm going to go call Kelly and tell her the good news and then I will buy my ticket."

After talking to Kelly and purchasing my ticket I call Mia and Kate. Both agree to meet me there on Friday night. Wednesday morning I make sure my bags are packed before work. I work a half day and then meet Christian for lunch before heading to Escala to grab a nap. I won't have the queen size bed in the jet to sleep in during my flight and commercial seats are horribly uncomfortable. I better get my rest now while I can. At 2 pm my phone rings. It is Dr. Smith from the clinic. While he makes his introductions I panic. With all the excitement of the trip I forgot about the test results. The B12 shot seemed to help some so I just chalked it all up to stress.

"_**Miss Steele we got your test results in and I thought you may like to know that you are pregnant."**_

What did he just say? PREGNANT? I am hallucinating, I have to be. "Excuse me?"

"_**I said you are pregnant."**_

"That is simply not possible. I have had regular periods. I haven't missed a single pill. You have to be kidding."

"_**No in fact the hormone levels were quite high so I assume you are at least 6 to 8 weeks along."**_

"How is this possible? Doesn't the pill have a 99.9% effective rate?"

"_**Yes ma'am. I guess you could just say that this baby was meant to be."**_

Meant to be. Somehow I don't think Christian is going to see it that way. "Thank you for letting me know."

"_**You're Welcome. Be sure to start taking a prenatal vitamin and eat plenty of foods containing folic acid. The fatigue should wear off soon. Just don't fight it. Your body is going through a lot of changes right now. Also you need to follow up with an OBGYN as soon as possible. Congratulations Miss Steele."**_

"Thank you, good bye." I say flatly hanging up. I sit in shock for a long while. How am I supposed to tell Christian? He is going to flip. What is it with pregnancy and my traveling to New York? Coincidence? Nothing is going to change in the next 4 days. I will take the time to figure out how I am going to break the news. We are getting married in 10 days. Would he leave me over this like last time? Surely not? Elena was feeding him bullshit about me that he knows not to be true now. Christian loves me. It may take him a while to get used to the idea, but he wouldn't hurt me. Right?


	123. Chapter 123

Thanks for the reviews. Some of you are going to have a lot to say after this chapter. I ask you to not jump to any conclusions just yet. There is so much more that is to be uncovered. Reviews are welcomed! Here comes the drama.

Chapter 123

**Ana is unusually quiet during the ride to the airport. I know she has had a lot on her plate trying to get ready for the wedding. It has worn her out. It seems like when she is not working at WP or on the wedding she is napping. I found her passed out in the library several times over the last 2 weeks. She seemed to improve some after the B12 shot on Monday. Tonight she seems distant.**

"**What's wrong?"**

"Nothing I'm just tired." Because I'm pregnant…I want to say it , but I don't. I am still processing the thought of being a mom and if he doesn't react positively I might never recover. Plus if I tell him now and he is excited there is no way he will let me go to New York. Knowing Christian he'll demand I stay home and rest. I need this trip. I need to escape for a few days and forget that in 10 days I will be a wife and in 7 months I will be a mother. How quickly life changes. Just a year ago I was a college student anticipating graduation who never had a serious boyfriend. It is a lot to process.

"**You just seem distant. Are you sure nothing is on your mind?" This is more than just tired. She starting to worry me.**

"I was just thinking about everything that has happened in the last year." Not a lie, I tell myself. I feel so guilty keeping this from him. Should I just spill it? No I will tell him first thing on Sunday that way I can have my girls weekend and he won't be more worried about my safety than he already is. I am saving him from undo stress. What he doesn't know can't hurt him.

"**I can't believe it either."**

"Believe what?" Is he reading my mind?

"**How different my life is now. How happy I am. I can't wait to make you officially MINE."**

"Me either. I love you Christian. I hope you know that. I will always love you. There is nothing that could make me ever stop." I just hope you feel the same.

"**That's good to know because you are pretty much stuck with me forever. You are it for me. I finally found my more and I won't ever let you go."**

Until you find out the truth. Stop it Ana. He loves you. You will make it through this too. Failure is not an option. He has proved over and over again his commitment this will not be what breaks you. Taylor pulls into the departure drop off zone and hops out to get my suitcase. Christian comes around and opens my door. I step out and directly into his arms. I practically throw myself at him. He wraps me tight with his arms and kisses my neck. I start crying. Now I know all of this emotion has an explanation. It doesn't make it any less maddening. I look up at Christian as the tears fall down my cheeks.

"**You don't have to go. I can just fly Kelly here."**

"No I need to go. I need this trip. I will be fine. I will come home stress free and rested. I am just going to miss you."

"**I'll be waiting for you the minute you step off the plane on Sunday."**

"Promise?"

"**Promise." I kiss her savoring the taste of her lips. She holds on to me in silence for a few minutes. If I didn't know better I would think she was preparing herself for a more permanent goodbye. I am just paranoid. I am remembering my desperation the last time she flew off to New York. We are in a different place now, besides we are getting married next week. I reluctantly let her go. As I watch her walk into the terminal as she turns to waive I memorize everything about her. How her blue eyes sparkle when she smiles. How her hair falls perfectly onto her shoulders. How much I love that she would rather wear jeans and a t-shirt than anything else. She is my life, the reason I breathe and soon she will be my wife. When she is finally out of sight I get back into the car and send her a text.**

***Call me the minute you land. I love you Ana. ALWAYS.**

My phone dings almost immediately.

*Relax Grey. I will be fine. I know better than to miss that phone call. I love you too. ALWAYS.

Once I am on the plane and comfortably in my seat. I silently praise myself for splurging on first class. Christian gave me a credit card to buy my ticket, but I didn't use it. I have plenty of money in my own account. When I can officially turn on my ipod I put my earbuds in and fall asleep to my favorite Christian songs. I am greeted in sleep by pleasant dreams. A continuation of a dream I seem to be having a lot lately. Today I am chasing a little boy around the yard. He is giggling uncontrollably. Once I catch him, I pull him into my arms scattering kisses all over his face. "Momma loves you." He replies. "**I lub u momma."** I look toward the house and see Christian watching intently. He walks toward us wrapping us both up in his arms. "**I used to think I could never love you more, but watching you just now I know I just fell deeper." **He whispers in my ear. We sit on a blanket watching the ocean just the 3 of us. I could stay here forever. I feel so loved and content.

"_Ma'am! Ma'am!"_

I jerk awake to the flight attendant telling me to put my seat in the upright position for landing. After that dream I am hopeful that everything is going to be okay. After exiting the plane I call Christian to tell him I made it. He gives me a short lecture about safety and not having too much fun. I reassure him that Kelly is not Kate and we will not be going clubbing. I promise to call him daily to check in. Just as I hang up I spot the driver with a sign that says Steele. He helps me with my bags then drives me to the penthouse. Once safely inside I crash. It has been a long and taxing day. I have 5 hours before I have to meet Kelly and I am determined to get in as much sleep as possible. This time it is a dreamless sleep. The next morning I shower and dress. Pauline is already in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Christian called ahead to let her know about my trip. We make small talk about the wedding. She is genuinely happy for us. Before I leave I let her know I won't be home until dinner and I will be having friends if she can make extra. Normally I would want to make dinner myself, but today I am grateful for the help. Kelly is all smiles this morning. We catch up on her an Jose. Have I said how happy I am that they found each other? We go over some cover ideas for my book and she helps me write my dedication and author acknowledgements. We are hoping to have it printed and in stores before Memorial Day. I can't believe that I am about to be a published author. Scratch that a wife/mother/author. It is a bit overwhelming.

"_Are you doing okay Ana? You seem a little distant this morning."_

I feel like I need to confide in someone. I know Kelly would never tell a soul without my permission. "Actually I don't know. If I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone. And when I say tell no one I mean NO ONE, not even Jose."

"_You know me Ana. I wouldn't betray you like that."_

"I'm pregnant." She stares at me for a minute processing what I have just said.

"_When did you find out?"_

"Yesterday. The doctor called a few hours before my flight."

"_Does Christian know?"_

"You are the only person I have told."

"_Why? Don't you think this I something he should know?"_

"Yes. I plan on telling him Sunday. I didn't want him to worry more about me more than necessary while I was away. Plus I am not exactly sure how he will react."

"_What do you mean? You think he won't be happy?"_

I briefly describe what happened the last time Christian thought I was pregnant. Explaining the reason I was so broken up when I first came to New York. She seems to understand my current hesitation.

"_I sympathize Ana, but from what you tell me about your relationship you have both grown since then. I have seen the way Christian looks at you. He worships you and I don't think he would risk losing you again."_

"I hope so. I guess we will find out Sunday when I go home."

"_I am sure everything will work out."_

Just before lunch I check in with Christian confirming my plans for the day. I notice an obvious Grey Security employee discreetly following us to lunch. Jose meets us there and afterward I go with him to see his new personal gallery. Before heading back I stop off at Housing Works. I think Christian and I should open something similar in Seattle. After picking up a couple of new books I hop in the black Lincoln parked out front and tell the driver to head back to the penthouse. Dinner is at 7 and I have just a few hours to make sure everything is ready. It will be good to see Collin and Nathan again along with Kelly and Jose.

**I feel better after speaking to Ana this morning. She sounded more relaxed than when she left. This trip is just what she needed. Taylor assures me that he briefed her security to be diligent but not overbearing. I personally would welcome overbearing to ensure she is safe, but I promised Ana no hovering. Ros calls me from Florida to brief me on her meetings there. Everything is falling into place and she should be able to close that deal early putting her back in Seattle tonight. Ros never disappoints. I have Andrea pick up lunch so I can continue with my work. At 2 pm my blackberry rings. It is Derek, Ana's current security in New York.**

"**Grey."**

"_Mr. Grey this is Derek Marx. I am currently assigned to Miss Anastasia Steele here in New York."_

"**I know who you are. Why are you calling?"**

"_I am afraid we have lost Miss Steele sir."_

"**What the fuck do you mean you lost her?"**

"_We can't locate her sir."_

"**Details Marx." I am panicking. How the fuck did they lose Ana? Where is she? This guy is about to wish he was never born.**

"_Miss Steele asked Joe to drive her to Soho. She stopped at Housing Works bookstore where she browsed for a little over an hour. While Miss Steele was wrapping up her purchase I went to fill in Joe that she was ready to go back to the penthouse. I went back into the store to walk her to the car and she was gone. I am sorry sir, we have looked everywhere in a 10 square block radius. No one has seen Miss Steele."_

"**What the fuck! Look again. Keep looking until you locate her. Do not leave that area until you hear back from me. She couldn't have just disappeared. She has to be there somewhere. Expand your search. I want a report every 20 minutes."**

"_Yes sir."_

**I hang up at a loss. Did Ana just wander off? Did someone take her? Where could she be? I call Welch and instruct him to get all security camera feeds from the shops in Soho within a quarter mile of Housing Works. I also tell him to access the traffic cameras in that general area. One of those cameras has to have some information that we can use. Next I call Taylor. I brief him and explain that if Ana is not located in the next hour we will be flying to New York immediately. Ros won't be back for hours, which means I will need to get 2 commercial tickets. I leave this task to Andrea. When my phone rings again it is Marx. Still no Ana. My head is spinning, my chest is constricting. Where the fuck did she go. Yates is still in Seattle. I just got a report this morning that he hasn't budged from his mother's side. Elena is dead. Stephen is in prison. If someone took her I am at a loss to who it could be. I dial Welch again demanding he find any recent threats to my life. I receive hate mail quite often. Usually from disgruntle employees that were laid off after a business is liquidated or merged. **

**An hour later there is still no sign of her. I start calling her friends. In retrospect I probably should have done this first. Kelly hasn't seen her since lunch. She was with Jose last. I call Jose who assures me she left at 2 pm and to his knowledge was headed home. Pauline expected her back for a dinner party at 7pm. It is now 6 pm in New York and no one has heard from Ana. We have all called, text and emailed her cell with no response. Welch says her phone cannot be tracked which means it is either turned off or been destroyed. All I know is I need to get to New York NOW! By the time I am able to leave Ros is back. They refuel the jet and we are in the air at 8 pm (11pm in NYC). I am combing through all of the information that Welch sent over. He was able to get most of the shop security feeds in the area. I view Homeworks first. Ana was definitely there. She seems relaxed as she browses. The last thing they have is her paying for some books and exiting into the street. Welch assures me he should have the street view by the end of the night. I am hopeful that we will have a better idea of where to go from there. At least we will know what direction she went. **

**None of the current threats seem serious. They don't have the means or wits to out-smart security. We land and I decide to go to the penthouse first. If Ana got lost that will be the first place she goes. It is now 5 am on Friday morning and it is very unlikely that Ana is simply lost. She would have made it back by now. She is resourceful enough to hail a cab or hop on the subway. She knows the city well enough to not stay lost long. After a lengthy discussion Taylor and I decide that there is no use calling the authorities. They will just stress that she is not a missing person until she is gone 48 hours. They will immediately question if she is missing at all. I can hear it now. 'Are you sure she didn't want to disappear? Maybe she just doesn't want to be found.' Bullshit! Ana would never put me through this. She knows it would kill me. At 8 am Welch emails the traffic cameras feed right outside the bookstore. Ana exits and immediately gets into a black Lincoln Towncar identical to the one owned by GEH. The car drives off just as Derek is seen entering the store looking for Ana. She could be anywhere. Did that car accidentally pick her up? If so wouldn't they have just brought her back to the store? She would have surely been back by now. We have to assume that she was set up to get into that car. Welch is now trying to find a good feed of the license plate. We have to track the car and see where it goes. All I can do now is wait. I pace the floor for what feels like forever. Finally my phone buzzes. I have new mail. Good Welch is getting back to me. I open my mail and I am stunned to see a message from Anastasia Steele. My hands are shaking as I open it. I can't believe what it says,**

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject: **Regrets

**Date: **April 26, 2013 – 9:32 am

**To: **Christian Grey

I can only assume you have called in the Calvary by now. I want you to call them off. I am so sorry Christian, but I can't do this. I don't want this life. Please just let me go. Don't try to find me because I don't want to be found. I only regret that I let it go on this long. I should have been honest with you sooner. You are an amazing man and you will find someone worthy of everything you have to offer. Thanks for the last year. I will remember it forever.

Ana

Assistant Editor, William Publishing, LTD.

**I throw my phone across the room. It shatters against the wall. I fall to my knees as my chest constricts. This can't be true. She planned this? How could I have missed it? She seemed distant before she left and that goodbye. Oh my God she was saying goodbye. That is why she was so emotional. That is why it felt so final. She was leaving me and I was clueless. But why? We were happy, in love, weren't we? I was. Was I so blinded by my love for her I couldn't see her pulling away? How long has she been lying? Why would she agree to marry me? I need answers. She asked me not to try to find her. She knows me better than that. I don't give up easily. I have proven that over the last year. If she wants to leave me she will have to say it to my face. This is far from over.**


	124. Chapter 124

**I was going to wait a few days, but you all seem so anxious. I don't know if this chapter will help or not. Let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 124**

**I have to think. I still don't have information on the car. I do have the email though and I can track that. **

"**Bailey, Grey. I need you to track an email thats in my inbox. It was sent at 9:32 am EST from Anastasia Grey. Get the location of the computer that this was sent on. I need a rush on this."**

"_Yes sir. Give me 15 minutes."_

**Now I have to stop Kate and Mia from coming. I don't need any distractions. I call dad to help me out. I explain that Ana has gone missing and I have all of resources searching for her. He promises to keep Mia and Kate from getting on their flight. I am not sure how he is going to manage that, but if anyone can manage those two it is my dad. Next I call Kelly. I want to know everything she and Ana talked about since she has been here. I wonder if Ana gave any indication that she was planning this. We make a plan to meet at WP in 30 minutes. What about Jose? Could he be behind this? He has always had a thing for Ana. Did he convince her to leave me? Ana said Kelly and Jose recently moved in together. Maybe they are really happy. I will have to judge that for myself. Bailey sends me an address for an internet café in Brooklyn. Joe drives Taylor and I to WP. Kelly is we arrive.  
**

"_Please tell me you found her and that she is okay."_

"**No we haven't. It seems that Ana may have been planning this. Do you know anything about that?"**

"_What? You're kidding? You are kidding right?._

"**No I received an email this morning from her telling me she was leaving me and not to look for her."**

"_That can't be possible. I didn't sense that she had any intention of leaving in fact she was saying how she needed to talk to you on Sunday when she got home."_

"**What was it she was going to talk to me about?"**

"_I really shouldn't say. It is something you need to hear from Ana, but I can tell you it didn't have anything to do with her leaving. In fact she was more worried that you may leave her."_

"**Kelly, if what you say is true then I think it is important that you tell me what it was that Ana was so worried about. If someone took her and she really didn't leave me I need to have every piece of the puzzle. I don't care if you promised her. She may be in danger and I need you to tell me now." I try not to scare her, but I can tell she is intimidated by the tone of my voice.**

"_Christian you may want to sit down." _

**I comply, still unsure if she is just overly dramatic or if what she has to tell me is that earth shattering.**

"_Ana is pregnant."_

"**Pregnant? You're sure? How long has she known?"**

"_She said she just found out on Wednesday a couple of hours before she flew out. Apparently the doctor did blood work to rule out things that could be causing her fatigue and the pregnancy test came back positive."_

"**That has to be why she seemed so distant. Did she say she was afraid I would leave her?" I am numb. I want to be happy that the woman I love is carrying my child, but right now I just feel sick because she's gone and the reason she is gone may very well be my fault.**

"_She just said that due to your history she wasn't sure how you would react."_

"**She told you about what happened?"**

"_Not in so many details but I understood that you were very upset at her and broke it off."_

"**I know you probably think I am the biggest asshole on the planet. I was, that day, I was stupid and selfish. I'm not that man any more. I love Ana. I hope you know I wouldn't hurt her that way again."**

"_I think I know that better than she does. I told her that I have no doubt how much you love her and I am sure you wouldn't risk losing her again."_

"**Did she seem torn? Like she might run?"**

"_I didn't get that impression. She was excited about the wedding and even mentioned that she would be relieved Sunday when she got home and finally told you."_

"**I have to go right now. I have a lead I need to track down, but if you hear from her please contact me."**

"_I will. You'll find her Christian. Have faith."_

**Before I leave I ask one more favor. "Will you tell her I love her? If she calls?" She nods and I turn to leave. I am walking in a daze after hearing this news and I am more determined than ever to find Ana, the love of my life and soon to be the mother of my child. I use my power of persuasion and $500 to convince the clerk to let me see the surveillance of this morning. Scrolling through I stop at when I see Ana sitting at a computer near the door. I recognize her clothes and her hair. There is no doubt it is her. I have the clerk look at the screen.**

"**Was she with anyone? Did she act strange in any way?"**

"_No sir I didn't see her come in or leave with anyone. She seemed fine, friendly even. She bought a coffee before leaving."_

**His words are like a punch to the gut. Maybe Ana really did run away from me. She must have figured I would lose it when I found out she was pregnant and she ran away. I turn to Taylor and he is as stunned as I am. Gotta give it to her, she had everyone fooled. In the car I call Bailey and tell him to track Anna's spending. There are very few places to stay now a days that will take cash. Most want a credit card for deposit purposes. It doesn't seem like she is trying too hard to hide. She was overly friendly with the staff and paid for her coffee with her debit card. At this rate it should only take a few days to catch up with her. **

**I vow to stay in New York until I find Ana. By Wednesday, I decide to tell Mia to make the proper calls to cancel the wedding. There has been no activity on the card since Friday. The license plate was too dirty to get a proper read and the traffic cameras lost the car shortly after it entered Brooklyn. Taylor and I have spent night and day canvasing Brooklyn to see if anyone has seen Ana. A few say she looks familiar, but they can't recall from where exactly. I talked to Ray and Carla last Saturday to see if they had spoken to Ana. Both were adamant that they had not and demanded I keep them in the loop. So each day I call them just to say I still have nothing. Absolutely NOTHING! No one has seen or heard her and like me they just can't imagine Ana capable of this. To be sure I keep surveillance on Yates. I just don't want to believe she would hurt everyone like this, me maybe, everyone else never.**

**Finally, on Saturday, the day that I was supposed to make Ana my wife Bailey calls with a hit. She booked a room in Cleveland, Ohio. Taylor and I make to Cleveland in record time. It helps to have your own jet. We rent a car and drive to the Holiday Inn off Interstate 71. I show her picture to the clerk and again with a little persuasion she gives me the room number. Luckily, Taylor has skills in opening locked doors. My stomach is in knots. This is it. This is when I get all of the answers I have been looking for. I burst into the room. It is empty. The bed is still made with no trace of Ana. I search the room for any clues and that's when I spot it. Her engagement ring is lying on the bedside table. Did she leave it on purpose knowing I would find it? Knowing we should have been husband and wife today. **

**We stay in Ohio for 5 days hoping she will slip up. I am getting very little sleep if any. When I do close my eyes all I see is Ana's face. Sometimes I see her holding a baby, my baby. I try to get to them but the faster I run the further away they seem. I wake up drenched in sweat and terrified I will never see either of them again. This process of chasing Ana goes on for 3 months. Every time we think we have her she slips through our grasp. By August I am tired of the game. It is obvious she doesn't want to be found. I go back to Seattle and hire someone to run down the leads. I have work that has to be done and I need to try to move on with my life. Her parents blame me for her disappearance, questioning why Ana would be so afraid of me. Kate refuses to speak to me either which makes family functions almost unbearable. The one positive in my life is that my mom is in remission. She beat cancer and at least I won't lose her too. I find myself thinking how Ana is probably showing by now. She would have had her first sonogram, even found out the sex of our baby. If I dwell too long I want to give up. My life has been so empty without her. I work and I work some more. I travel a lot because the memories in Escala are sometimes too much to take. I can't bring myself to get rid of her wedding dress so I just moved it to the guest closet. When I miss her most I sit in the Library until I fall asleep and dream of her. I used to think that Yates must have taken her, but nothing adds up to him. He has been a model citizen since our meeting all those months ago. He did go back to New York a week after Ana disappeared. By that time we were chasing her to Ohio, then Tennessee, Louisiana, Arizona, Colorado, Missouri…That is where I gave up my personal chase. I can't name all the towns she has been in since then. I got to give the girl credit she sure knows how to frustrate me. **

**September passes and I put a stop all my resources. Maybe if I stop she will settle somewhere. At this point I struggle between love and hate. For our child's sake I want her to build a life. I get the point she doesn't want me around. I can only hope that with time she may change her mind. I don't think we will ever be what we once were. I will never trust Ana again, but I will always love her. I go about my routine. I visit John once a week. He has been helping me get some closer. By October the rain is steady in Seattle and I spend morning, noon and night at the office. GEH has never been better. I wish I could say the same for me. Sometimes I think maybe I need to go back to my old life, before her, but then I know I could never do that. I felt my MORE and that life just doesn't have the same appeal. On October 9th I was in a board meeting when I got a call that would change everything.**


	125. Chapter 125

**I don't think I have ever had so many reviews. I am sorry for turning everything upside down. Hopefully this will put some of your minds at ease. I don't want anyone losing sleep tonight. : ) Happy Reading!**

Chapter 125

"_Mr. Grey." _

**I hear Andrea's voice interrupting Fuller's droning about some mediocre company in the Philippines that he is anxious to get a hold of. I wish he would just say he has a thing for the women there and wants to spend a week fucking his way through the country. **

"**Yes Andrea what do you need." I say more snippy than I mean to. **

"_Sir I am sorry to interrupt your meeting, but you have a phone call."_

**Andrea knows better than to interrupt me for a phone call. "Then take a message. I shouldn't have to tell you how to do your fucking job Andrea." No one even winces. They have all become accustom to my constant moodiness. **

"_No sir, but I think this is a call you are going to want to take."_

"**I don't pay you to think Andrea. I pay you to do as I say. Now take a message." She stays standing in the doorway. I can feel anger rising. Just as I open my mouth to fire her ass she blurts out.**

"_It's about Ana. They found Ana."_

**I sit staring at her. At first I think I must be dreaming. I have waited 5 months for this phone call. Could it be true? The room is silent and all eyes are on me. I snap out of my trance and go to my office to take the call.**

"**Grey." I say picking up the receiver.**

"_Mr. Grey it is Pauline. You need to come. You need to come now. It's Ana sir. Just come now."_

**Her voice is shaking and she is obviously distressed. What would Pauline know about Ana? "Are you okay Pauline? Are you in danger?"**

"_I'm fine sir just a little shaken up. Just please say you will get her soon. Ana needs you sir."_

"**Is she there Pauline? At the penthouse? What is she saying? Why would she need me now?"**

"_She is here, with me at the penthouse, yes sir. She isn't saying anything sir she isn't speaking at all. I found her when I came in this morning to check on things. She was collapsed outside the door. I don't mean to upset you sir, but she is in really bad shape."_

**I hope she is in bad shape. I hope she is beside herself for what she put me through. What she did to her family and mine. She should be on her hands and knees groveling. "Can you not calm her down? Just have her call me when she gets a hold of herself."**

"_Christian." _**She has my attention. I don't think she has ever called me by my first name. "Yes Pauline." **"_Ana is not crying, she is not talking she is not doing anything. She is catatonic and she is bloody with bruises and cuts all over her body. She needs you NOW!"_

**What did she just say? Bruises? Cuts? Bloody? Catatonic? What the hell happened to her? "I will be there as soon as I can. See if you can get her to talk to you Pauline." **

"_I will. Just hurry." _

**I hang up and call Taylor. I tell him to get Luke and meet me at the airport. I then call and get the jet ready to go. I haven't had anyone looking for her in over a month. What happened to her in the last month? Why would she go back to New York and to the penthouse of all places? I have so many questions that need answers. She has to snap out of this state and give me answers. I deserve answers for the hell she has put me through over the last 5 months. I call and get 2 suits to stand guard in case she decides to run again. Seven hours later the 3 of us pull up in front of the penthouse. Taylor nods letting me know he has my back. He has seen me go through hell these last few months. We are greeted at the door by the security detail. They assure me that she hasn't tried to leave and everything has been quiet inside. I reluctantly open the door. I can only describe the quiet as eerie. We all go separate way looking for Pauline and Ana. Taylor calls out from the master bedroom letting us know that he found them. As I open the door I can't believe what I am seeing. **

**Ana is curled up in a ball rocking back and forth in the corner of the room. Pauline is sitting next to her rubbing her back, trying to comfort her. The only light in the room is from the bathroom and it doesn't afford me a good view of her. I walk toward her and bend down trying to get a little closer. She is barefoot, dressed in a thin nightgown that couldn't possibly bring her any warmth. Her wrists and ankles show signs of binding. Not just a little binding, but long term binding. The grooves in her skin are deep purple and ragged. Whoever did this was trying to hurt her. Her lip is swollen and bloody and she has a black eye. **

"**Ana it's Christian. Who did this to you?" I reach to touch her and she starts shaking and crawling away. I watch as she finds another corner. She sits up and I notice her large baby bump. She is pregnant. Very pregnant. "Ana I won't hurt you. You know I won't hurt you don't you. I love you Ana I would never hurt you." I say in a hushed emotional voice. Something I say gets her attention. She doesn't look at me but she says something. I can't make it out she is so quiet. I move closer to hear her. She stares straight ahead eyes set and not blinking.**

"You never came. I called for you and you never came. I told him you would come but you never did."

"**I did come Ana. I chased you for months. I tried to come. I tried to find you, but you kept running."**

**She looks down at her belly and rubs it softly as she talks.**

"Hold on sweetheart. Daddy will come. Daddy will save us. He won't let them hurt us anymore. He loves us."

"I told him you would come. You never came."

"**I don't understand Ana. I did come. I tried and you ran. You ran every time I got close." I can't hold back the tears anymore. The sight of her is killing me. I want to hold her and comfort her. I am still upset that she ran, but she didn't deserve to be treated like this. "Ana please tell me who did this to you. Who hurt you? I am here now. I won't let them hurt you anymore." She crawls into my lap and sobs. She cries so much my shirt is soaked. I rub her back and I feel ridges. "Ana can I see your back?" She turns away from me and I pull her gown down exposing her back. I almost vomit from what I see. There are stripes in every direction all over her back. There is no mistaking that these where made from a whip. "Ana who did this to you? Tell me who hurt you." She pulls her gown back over her shoulder and hides her face in my shoulder. "I am going to ask you some questions just nod your head yes or no. Okay?" She nods her head yes in response. "Did you leave me?" No. "Did someone take you?" Yes. "Do you know who took you?" Yes. "Do you think you can tell me who it is?" No. "Okay Ana. I won't press you right now, but you need try to find the courage to tell me. Do you want to take a bath?" Yes. "Can I carry you to the bathroom?" Yes. **

**I pick her up carefully. She places her arms around my neck and resting her head on my shoulder. I set her down and she stands. "I'm going to take off your night gown okay." Yes. She is still nodding. I pull up the gown and she raises her arms letting the material slip over her head. I gasp noticing the bruises on her buttocks and down the back of her legs. What the fuck did they do to her? From the look of the healed scars underneath the fresh marks she has been enduring beatings for a while. After the water is run I help her into the tub. "Can I wash you?" Yes. I wash her back. She flinches. The fresh marks are obviously still painful to touch. I wash her hair and she sighs. This is the first contented sound she has made since I got here. I give her the loofah and let her wash her front. I don't want to make her uncomfortable now that I am making some progress. She washes and then grabs my hand and places it on her plump belly. I feel the baby move and I move so I can see her face. Tears are streaming down my face. This is my baby. She has been through hell and somehow this baby survived. If I know Ana she did whatever she had to in order to protect our child. The grief of the last 5 months hits me hard. I find myself confessing all of my thoughts and fears to her. **

"**I thought you left me. The email and when Kelly told me you were pregnant and then seeing you on the video sending me that email." I choke on my tears. "I thought you ran and then for months I chased you. I wouldn't let you go. I just had to hear it from your mouth. I wanted you to tell me you didn't love me. I was dying without you. But you didn't run. Did you?" She nods no. "You do love me still." Her eyes meet mine.**

"Yes. ALWAYS." I'm not dreaming. This is Christian. I am safe now. They can't hurt me. They can't hurt us anymore. I rub my belly. We survived. I told you I wouldn't let them hurt you and I did it. I made it home.

"**Let's get you out of this tub. I want to hold you." She stands and lets me drape the towel over her. I guide her to the bedroom and get one of my t-shirts and boxers for her to put on. She lets me dress her. I am still careful not to be too rough. I lie on the bed and invite her to join me. She crawls to me placing her head on my shoulder. Her belly hits my side as she wraps her leg around mine. "Try to sleep. Maybe you will feel like talking when you get some rest." **

It feels like heaven being in Christian's arms again. I slip into sleep quickly. My dreams have been my only solace during the hell I was living. Tonight they are more vivid than ever. The boy, our boy is running on the beach. Christian and I are walking behind him holding hands. His smile is just like his dad. The air is crisp. I can smell the ocean, hear the seagulls but mostly I hear his laughter. It is so contagious. Christian pulls away. When I reach for him I jerk awake. Christian is pulling his arm out from under me.

"Don't leave me." I beg.

**I touch her face. "I'm not leaving you. I just need to use the bathroom. I will be right back. I promise." Five hours on a plane and then 2 comforting Ana, my bladder feels like it might explode. I come back to Ana reaching for me. I pull her into my arms, so thankful to have her back. I want to make her talk. I want to know who did this, but I don't want to push back into the state she was in when I got here. We can try again tomorrow. **


	126. Chapter 126

**Yay! Ana is back. I never had any intention of her leaving or cheating on Christian. Keep in mind the title of my story. They are always drawn back together by fate. I have had a couple of people question the coffee. My Ana drank coffee several times the first time she was in New York so Christian would not have caught that. Thanks for the reviews. I won't be able to write all weekend so I thought I would post one last Chapter to get you through. **

**Chapter 126**

**Lying with Ana in my arms I find the sleep that has evaded me for 5 months. No longer am I plagued by nightmares. As the morning light fills the room I open my eyes to see Ana standing, staring out the window. I walk to her. She jumps when I touch her. Keeping my voice calm and low I reassure her that everything is okay. She allows me to wrap my arms around her bump and relaxes her body into mine. God I have missed the feel of her body against mine. **

"**Ana we need to get you checked out. I want to make sure that you don't have any serious injuries and that the baby is okay."**

"I can't go out there. He will find me."

"**No one is going to get you. Luke and Taylor are here. You know they would die for you as would I."**

"I can't. I can't go out there. Please don't make me go."

**Her voice is desperate and strained. "Okay I won't make you leave. I do need to get someone here to take a look at you. Can I leave you in here for a minute and go talk to Taylor?"**

"Please don't. I don't want you to leave me."

"**Okay I won't leave you. What if you come with me? You can put my robe on until I can get some new clothes for you."**

"Okay." I don't want him to leave me. He makes me feel safe again. I slip on his robe and follow him into the living room. Taylor and Luke are sitting on the couch. When they see us they stand. I keep my eyes on the floor. Christian gives Taylor some instructions about finding a doctor preferably an OBGYN. Taylor nods and leaves I assume to make phone calls. Christian then addresses Luke. He wants him to pick me up some clothes. He wants Pauline to go with him to the nearest Maternity Store. Before Luke leaves he walks up to me and takes my hands.

"_I should have been with you Ana. I am so sorry. I should have been there to stop them." _

The emotion in his voice stirs something inside. I wrap my arms around him and cry. I used to daydream that Christian and Luke would burst into the room and save me. I prayed so many times that the dreams would become reality. They never did. I pull back unable to speak. Luke reluctantly leaves. I feel Christian's arms come around my waist pulling me into him.

"**Ana you need to try to talk about what happened to you. I won't let him get away with this, but I have to know who it is that I am looking for."**

"I can't . I just want to forget it. I can't. I just can't!" I just found my way home. I am not ready to relive that hell. I just want it to go away. I want to forget. I want Christian to help me forget.

"**Okay I won't make you talk about it yet. Can we do yes and no answers like we did yesterday. I promise to stop if it gets too hard." She nods yes so I continue. "Did he let you go?" No. "Did you escape?" Yes. "Would you recognize the building if you saw it again?" Yes. "Ana can you just tell me what neighborhood you were in?" **

"West Side."

"**Upper or Lower?"**

"Upper."

"**Good job Ana. I am so proud of you. Can you remember how you got here?"**

"I ran." My feet are freezing. They are numb, but I know I can't stop. I have to keep running. It is dark, but I don't care. The park is the fastest way to get to Christian. If I can just make it through the park without anyone seeing me. I am getting tired. The downward pressure is hurting. I slow down a little, but then I think I hear something. I pick up my speed again. Finally, I spot the building. I am so close, just a few more yards.

**As long as she is willing to talk I will continue asking questions. I am careful to stay away from questions about her captors or what they did to her. "Did you run through the park?" Yes. "Do you remember anything that stands out about the building?"**

"Beresford."

"**Great job baby. You are so strong." I stroke her hair and she lays her head in my lap. I pull out my blackberry and dial Welch.**

"**Welch, Grey. I need you to search the names of the tenants of Beresford Apartments on the Upper West side."**

"_Sir you said Beresford, correct?"_

"**Yes Beresford."**

"_Sir that is where Mr. Jeff Yates lives."_

"**Thanks Welch that will be all for now. Actually, one more thing. I need you to dump his phone records again for the last 5 months. I know we have already done this, but I want to know if we missed anything."**

"_Yes sir."_

**Hanging up I look down at Ana and a wave of guilt comes over me. Yates had her the entire time. How did I miss it? I had people on him constantly for the first 3 months. Everything checked out. The guilt is replaced with anger. I have an intense desire to hunt him down and kill him with my bare hands. If Ana wasn't in my lap I would be pacing the floor yelling expletives. That would just upset her so I run my hands through my hair and clench my jaw. Taylor comes back to let me know a doctor will be here within the hour. I can feel that Ana's breathing is steady and she must be asleep so I carefully slide her off of me. I move far enough so that she doesn't hear what I am saying but can still see me. Quietly, I explain to Taylor what I have just learned.**

"**Fucking Yates had her this entire time."**

"_How is that possible? We were aware of every move he made."_

"**I don't know, but I plan to find out. He isn't going to get away with this Taylor. He is a monster. I understand his hatred of me, but to torture Ana, knowing she was pregnant. Hell is too good for him."**

"_I agree. I will help however I can. Are you planning on calling the authorities?"_

"**I haven't decided yet. I don't trust the police to do a thorough investigation. Honestly this is a vendetta I would like to handle personally."**

"_I understand. If this was Gail I would rip him apart limb by limb."_

"**That may even be too humane for this fucker. I need to make sure this doctor is not going to go running to the cops when she sees Ana. Make sure she signs an NDA before she gets access."**

"_Will do."_

**I move back to Ana. She is still sleeping so I pick her up and take her back to the bedroom. A little while later Taylor knocks letting me know that the doctor has arrived. I leave Ana to talk to her. She is still sleeping and I only hope she doesn't wake up and find me gone. **

"_Mr. Grey I presume? I am Dr. Habor. I talked to Jason Taylor earlier today about coming by to see your fiancé. He mentioned that she is 7 months pregnant. Is that correct?"_

"**Yes that is correct. Before you go in I need to inform you that Ana has been through quite a lot recently. Without giving you the long, drawn out story she was kidnapped 5 months ago. She was found on my doorstep last night. Her injuries are quite severe and I fear she may be suffering from PTSD. I tried to take her to the hospital, but she refused. She is too afraid to leave the house. Ana and the baby are of great importance to me and I need to make sure they are okay. I also need to know that you will be discreet and honor your patient confidentiality agreement as well as my NDA. The kidnappers are still at large and I won't risk Ana being hurt any further." She looks a little taken back from what I just confessed.**

"_Rest assured Mr. Grey I take my job very seriously. My only desire is to help Ana. I have no interest in selling any stories for money."_

"**Good. Follow me." I open the door and am glad to see she hasn't budged. I gently pat her. She opens her eyes. "Ana the doctor is here. She needs to look at you and the baby. Do you want me to leave?"**

"Stay."

"**I'll be right beside you. I promise." She rises looking at Dr. Habor. **

"_Hi Ana I am Dr. Habor. I am here to make sure you and the baby are okay. Can I come closer?"_

I nod my head yes. She moves toward me and asked me to scoot to the edge of the bed. She then asks that I lift my shirt and listens to my breathing and my heart. I jump when the stethoscope touches my back. She apologizes with a warm smile. Christian asks her to look at my injuries. She examines my wrists and then my ankles. I stand up and turn with my back facing her. I lift my shirt over my head and I hear her gasp.

"_I need to touch your back Ana. I promise I will be careful not to hurt you."_

She examines the lines and then I take off the boxers so she can see my legs. Again she looks at them and tells me I can put my clothes back on.

"_I am going to go outside and get my sonogram machine. Just lie on the bed and relax I will be right back. Mr. Grey can I speak with you over here?"_

**I kiss Ana's forehead assuring her that I will stay close. Then I meet the doctor by the door. **

"_I have never seen anything like that. She was tortured for months. I have to suggest that you get her some therapy as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is going to be for her to recover. Honestly, I think it will be a miracle if she ever fully recovers. Her lacerations will heal with time, but they are going to leave permanent scars. If I am honest with the amount of abuse she has suffered it is a miracle that she didn't lose the baby. I hope you find whoever did this to her. They deserve to pay."_

"**Rest assured. They will pay. That is the one thing you can be sure of."**

**She leaves the room and I go back to Ana's side. We sit in silence until the Dr. comes back with the sonogram machine. She squirts some gel on Ana's belly and then runs a wand over it trying to find just the right spot. She stops and reaches over to turn up the volume. I hear a fast whooshing sound.**

"_That is your baby's heart and what you are hearing is the heartbeat. It sounds good and strong."_

**Ana grabs my hand and smiles. I haven't seen her smile in 5 months and it is nearly my undoing. The doctor distracts me by pointing out the baby's head and then the hands and feet. It is so tiny, but I can see that it is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Finally she asks if we want to know the sex. I look at Ana. **

"I already know it's a boy. He has comforted me in my dreams for the last 7 months."

"_You are right Ana it is a boy. He looks healthy and I estimate your due date at January 1. I need to examine you and make sure your cervix is not softening. I don't want you to do anything that will make you uncomfortable."_

"I'm okay." I take off the boxers and open my legs. At least he never tried to have sex with me. I am not sure why, but he never touched me sexually. She does the exam then explains that everything looks great. She then takes some blood to send off. Before she leaves she praises me for being so strong. I would never let anyone hurt my child. I did what I had to do to save my baby.

"**Ana I need to go do something." Her eyes widen. "Pauline is going to stay with you and Luke is here to protect you. I promise you are safe and I will be back shortly." I need to track down Yates. I don't want him getting away before I can get to him. Wrapping her in my arms I smell her hair. God her scent, how did I ever think I could live without her? I can't, I wasn't. I was merely going through the motions when she was gone. "I love you so much Ana. God I have missed you." I reluctantly let her go leaving Pauline to take care of her. **

"**Taylor get someone to Beresford. I want eyes on Yates yesterday."**

"_Already done sir. Mr. Yates is not home. I have people all over the city hunting him down. If he is still in New York we will find him. Welch sent me his phone records as well as his banking and credit card information. I want this bastard."_

"**Thanks Jason. You have been a good friend over the last 5 months and I appreciate it."**

"_No problem. I am only sorry I didn't see this sooner. He fooled everyone Christian, not just you. The bastard is smart."_

"**He won't fool me again. I almost lost everything, hell I did lose everything. I have Ana back and I am going to have a son soon. You better believe I won't stop until he pays with his life. Let's go to Beresford. I want to see where he's been hiding Ana. Make sure you have your lock picking tools. Please tell me Welch got access to the security system."**

"_He is ready when we are."_

"**Good, let's go." **

**Joe drops us a block away from the Beresford. Taylor takes the back entrance and I go through the front. We meet at the elevators. It stops on the 17th floor. Yates owns a two story duplex covering the 17th and 18th floors. Taylor picks the lock once Welch redirects the building security cameras. Once inside Taylor goes to the security box and punches in the number Welch gives me. Taylor has already taken the time to study the floor plan and he moves clearing each room downstairs before we go to the next floor. There is no sign of Yates. His bedroom is a mess indicating he was in a hurry. Upstairs all the rooms are cleared except one. It is locked. Taylor goes to work and quickly has it open. Turning on the lights we look at each other in amazement. **

"_This looks similar to yours."_

**I was well aware that Yates was in the scene, but I could not imagine that he had a playroom. A playroom that bears an uncanny resemblance to mine, the one I used to have. There are bindings attached to the bed. This must be where he kept Ana. Taylor and I look through the drawers. He has ropes, chains, whips, canes, floggers, pad locks, even knives and scalpels. I am shocked by what he doesn't have. There is nothing here that would promote pleasure. Everything is for inflicting pain. Taylor gets my attention to a small cabinet in the corner of the room. It is some kind of DVD storage. I look at the names none of which look familiar. I wonder if like me these were insurance or just his sick way of getting off. Since they are not in a safe I assume the latter. Toward the bottom of the stack I see it. In a clear case is a DVD with a label that says Anastasia. After closer inspection there are 5. He took 5 videos of the sick shit he did to her. I feel the bile rise in my throat and I know I am going to be sick. I search for something, finding a small wastebasket and I lose the contents of my stomach. Ana can never know about these. Unfortunately, I know they will have to be watched. They may hold a clue to what his intentions were. Why he kept and tortured her so long. I also know that I would never let anyone see these which can only mean I will have to watch all of them. I will have to live through Ana's beatings. The thought makes me feel sick again. I manage to control it.**

"**I'm done here. Make sure everything is put back the way it was found."**

"_Yes sir."_

**I wait for Taylor in the hall. When he exits I slip the DVD's in my coat pocket and dial Welch. He walks us through the procedure to rearm the alarm, and diverts the building security once more allowing us time to leave the building. Driving back to the penthouse I can't believe how close she was the entire time. I could have had her back in 5 minutes. I assume that the playroom was sound proof. It is the only explanation to how he could have kept her hidden for so long without anyone being suspicious. When we arrive I give Taylor the DVD's demanding that he put them in the safe. I find Ana and Pauline in the living room. Ana is engrossed in a Harry Potter movie. Pauline leaves me with her. As I sit diverts her eyes, looking directly at me. Her eyes seem clearer, brighter than they were just hours ago. **

"You came back." I smile. I was a little worried, but Pauline kept reassuring me he would.

"**I promised."**

"I missed you. While you were gone. I missed you."

"**I missed you too baby. Can I hold you?" She snuggles into me and we finish the movie together. **

**Later that night I decide it is time to call our family and friends. It takes a good 2 hours to try to explain that Ana was taken and escaped. I don't give details other than she and the baby are fine, but she is still in quite a bit of shock and not ready to talk just yet. Ray and Carla demand to speak with her. I beg them to not ask her questions about what happened. She would tell all of us when she was ready. Ana just listened to her parents and occasional said a word or two in response. They seemed to respect my wishes and even apologized for their harsh treatment. I let my parents manage Mia, Elliott and Kate. The last call I make is to Mark and Maggie. Maggie is beside herself. They have never filled Ana's position. Not that they didn't try, but never found anyone that fit as well as she did. The one question that everyone asked was 'when are you coming home? My answer is always the same. "When Ana is ready."**


	127. Chapter 127

**I know I said I couldn't write, but we were hammered with rain and a hail storm this morning so plans changed. Thanks for all the reviews. Some of you love the new story line and some are ready for them to have their HEA. I can honestly say you will both get your wish soon enough. I want to see this Yates thing through. Welcome new fans and favorites I love getting reviews they encourage me to write so please share your thoughts positive and negative. **

**I always forget to say I do not own the characters or story just having a bit of fun and stress relief from real life...**

Chapter 127

It's dark, very dark pitch black in fact. I hear a door open and I strain to let me eyes adjust. They won't. I move my hand to rub my eyes. It won't budge. Oh, no. It was a dream. I never made it home. He still has me and Christian has no idea where I am. I hear his footsteps coming toward me and I try to pretend that I am still asleep.

"_Ana wake up!" _

His voice is loud and angry. His anger has escalated recently. I can feel the baby kick. He has been moving a lot lately. He kicks my bladder and I pee the bed.

"_Are you up Ana?"_

"yes." I say softly.

"_Yes what? Don't be stubborn. You know what happens when you are stubborn."_

I hesitate, but eventually give in not wanting a beating today. "Yes Sir."

"_Good I brought you breakfast. I am going to untie your hands. You know what happens if you try anything."_

I know from trying many times before. If I make any sudden moves I will be strapped to the cross or the bench and receive lashes with an implement of his choosing. There are many different punishments for being defiant. If I refuse to call him sir he places a ball gag in my mouth and then sits on my chest making me feel like I may suffocate. I have had to comply more and more since my bump has grown because the baby already pushes on my rib cage making the extra weight excruciating. One time in the beginning when I still had fight in me I got loose and he had to chase me around the room. I am not sure where I thought I was going. I was just searching for a way out, one that I never found and when he caught me he chained my hands with a padlock and hung me from the ceiling for several hours. When he took me down my shoulders had both dislocated. I don't know if it was more painful to have them out or when he forced them back in place. I screamed as the pain shot through my back and arms. Every act of disobedience had a different but equally painful punishment.

"_You know how this works all you have to do is be a good girl and you don't get hurt. I don't want to hurt you Ana, but you have a stubborn streak that you refuse to harness."_

I have heard it a million times. It is my fault he hurts me. If I would just be a 'good girl' he wouldn't have to do such awful things to me. He lies. In the beginning I tried to comply mostly. Every now and then I would have a rush of desperation and try something. As time wore on he would tell me he didn't like to punish me, but he always found something irritating. One time he didn't like how loud I chewed my food so he hit me across the face knocking the food out of my mouth.

"I had and accident sir."

"_What kind of accident Ana?"_

I know I will most likely be punished, but I don't want to sit in my own urine all day. I do my best to hold it all night, but as the baby grows it gets harder and harder. I wonder what it will be today. Standing naked in the stocks for hours or hung on the cross having to hold my body weight up with just my tiptoes. I swear he researches new ways to torture me every day.

"I wet the bed sir."

"_You know that is not acceptable. What do you think your punishment should be?"_

I know better than to answer this question it only makes it worse. "I don't know sir."

"_I am going to untie your feet I want you to slip out of your gown and sit on the edge of the bed. Do not try to run Ana. You know what happens when you run don't you."_

"Yes sir." I do as he says, but the urge is so great when my restraints are off. I just can't help but try. I bolt toward the door hoping this is the one time he forgot to lock it. I get to it and pull the knob, nope still locked. I turn around and he is on me immediately pulling my hair so hard that I lose my footing. He drags me across the room by my hair. If I am going to get beat I am not going to make it easy on him so I kick and flail my arms and legs. He bends me over the bench locking my hands with handcuffs. This position is made more painful because it rests all my weight on my bump shoving the baby into my back. I see him go to the wall. Not the cane, please anything but the cane. He grabs the cane and my body shakes uncontrollably. I know that the beating will be bad, but what I hate about the cane is the pain lingers for so long, sometimes days. He comes behind me and I hear it move through the air. Just as it hits the back of my legs I scream.

"STOP! FLOWERS –FLOWERS-FLOWERS!"

"**Ana wake up! Wake up!" She sits straight up opening her eyes. Her body is drenched with sweat. She was yelling the safe word established with me. I wonder how many times she used it in the last 5 months. I am sure that bastard didn't allow safe words. I am not sure if I should touch her so I just use my voice to get her calm. "Ana it's Christian. You are safe. No one can hurt you. I am here and no one will ever hurt you again." Her breathing slows and she looks at me tears streaming down her eyes as launches her body into my arms. ** "**It's okay baby. I have you. I will never let you go Ana, never again."**

**I wait until she is calm and I leave her to get breakfast. Pauline has it set up on a tray so Ana can stay in bed. She has been staying night and day to be here in case we need anything.**

"**Pauline I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for Ana."**

"_It is my pleasure sir. She is so precious. I pray she will find her way back."_

"**Me too and please call me Christian." She gives me a small nod and warm smile. I take the tray to Ana. She is sitting in the bed staring off in space. She has eaten very little in the last 2 days. I have tried not to push, but I am becoming a little desperate to see her fed. She comes back from her trance when I approach the bed. I place the tray and she eats the eggs and a piece of bacon. She doesn't touch the pancakes. **

"**Ana you need to try to eat the pancakes, just a couple of bites."**

"I can't."

"**Just try, one bite." I pick up the fork and move it toward her mouth. She swings her arm knocking the fork from my hand as pieces of pancake fly across the room. Then she looks at me scared to death like she is not sure what I will do about her outburst. **

**I keep my voice low. "Ana talk to me. I want to help you. Please talk to me." Her body relaxes accepting my reaction.**

"I can't eat pancakes, not anymore." Just seeing them makes me nauseous. "He fed me pancakes. Every morning I had pancakes and maple syrup with link sausage a glass of milk. Every morning. It was always the same."

"**I'm sorry Ana. I didn't know. If I had…"**

"I know. I don't like pancakes anymore or milk or sausage or chicken noodle soup or strawberries or any Italian food. I might even hate water if I didn't know I had to have it to survive."

"**Okay. I will note all of those items and make sure Pauline knows not to put them in any meal." I touch her hand rubbing her knuckles with my thumb. I failed her. I failed her in the worst way. I gave up while she was still fighting for her life. How will I ever make that up to her? How can I ever forgive myself? **

"**I have to do some things today. Pauline will be here along with Luke. Okay?"**

"Okay." I don't want him to go, but I know he is trying to find the person who hurt me, us. It kills me every time he walks out the door. What if he never comes back? What if something happens to him and I never see him again? I was so hopeless for so long. I thought he forgot about me, moved on, didn't love me anymore. I just got him back, I can't lose him again. There is only one way to insure I don't lose him. I have to tell him. I have to tell him everything. If he is going to catch him he has to know what happened. "Christian. I want to tell you something."

"**Anything. You can tell me anything."**

"It was Yates." I start crying. "It was Jeff Yates who took me." The cry turns into sobs. "He did awful things to me. He hurt me so much. I wanted to give up. He is a monster and there were times…" My voice is cracking. I haven't been allowed to feel anything in so long. The emotions are overwhelming, making my body shake uncontrollably. I talked to God, screamed at him in the beginning but toward the end I was numb. I had learned to feel nothing. It was the only way to survive. It helped me escape. Feeling nothing saved me, but now saying his name out loud they all rush back. I feel everything, the pain, the fear, the hopelessness and so much more. "There were times I just wanted it to end. I wanted to die. I wanted him to kill me to kill us. I was willing to sacrifice our child just to have it stop. I'm so sorry. It didn't last long. I would always snap out of it knowing I would do anything for our baby, our son. I wouldn't have really let him hurt the baby. You believe me don't you? Please say you believe me." I can barely breath or talk I am so distraught. My chest is heaving my nose is running and my face is covered in tears.

**Part of me is so happy that she made this breakthrough, but seeing her in so much agony even guilt makes my heart feel like it has been ripped from my chest and smashed into a million pieces. "Baby I have no doubt you would have done anything to save our son. You were so brave and strong for so long. You never let him break you. Even if there were times you thought he might, you never let him. I love you and nothing you can tell me will ever change that. All that matters is you are home. We are together again. Our son is healthy and loved. I already know it was Yates. When you told me about the building it was easy to figure out. I will find him Ana. I am going to hunt him down and make him pay for what he has done. You will never have to see his face or hear his voice again."**

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid. I can't lose you again. He isn't worth losing you."

"**You won't lose me. I promise. I called Flynn yesterday. He will be here today. I think it would be good for you to talk to him."**

"I think you're right." John has helped us both many times. I trust him and I can tell him things I am still too afraid to share with Christian. "I think I want to take a bath now. You go. I'll be okay." For the first time in months I really believe it. Maybe not today or tomorrow or even next week, but eventually and hope is something I haven't felt in a very long time. As Christian leans in to kiss my cheek I move my face capturing his lips. The electricity shoots through my body something else I never thought I would feel again.

**She is kissing me. I can't get over the fact that not only am I kissing Ana, but she initiated it. I want so bad to lose myself in her. To remind her how magical we are together, to remind myself even. I can't do that though, not yet. I won't do anything that may set her back. She made a breakthrough just minutes ago. Did Yates rape her? Did he do things that will make her never want another man again? All she said was he hurt her and he was a monster. Until I find out I won't touch her in a sexual manner. I pull back looking deep into her eyes. They are shining with love, for me. I rest my forehead on hers cupping her face with my hands. "As much as I want to stay, I can't. Taylor is waiting. I won't be long." I pick her up and carry her into the bathroom kissing her one last time before setting her on her feet. I start the water and leave.**

**Taylor is waiting in the kitchen with Luke. "Anything new?"**

_"Welch may have found a connection between Welch and a man named Jed Larson. He is looking into this Larson character. He's thinking he may have helped secure Ana while he was still in Seattle."_

**"Good. In the meantime have there been any hits on Yates?"**

_"Nothing yet. I can only assume he is traveling on cash. I think we should visit his editor today. He was in contact with her regularly after he came back to New York."_

**"Good job Taylor. Is Joe ready?"**

_"The car is waiting."_

**Joe drives us to HarperCollins Publishing House. Rachel Watson greets us in the foyer. Welch called ahead to secure an appointment.**

_"Mr. Grey, it is a pleasure to meet you." _

**I have seen this look many times. She finds me attractive. She is hoping to get her paws on me. Unfortunate for her I have eyes for only Ana. Even in the months I thought she had left me no one caught my attention. Many tried to no avail. I can use this to my advantage today. Her attraction may help me get more information. **

**"The pleasure is mine." I say extending my hand. She shakes it and glances away blushing. "Is there somewhere we can talk?" She leads us to her office taking a seat behind her desk.**

_"Does he have to stay?"_

**She wants me alone. Not gonna happen. I may flirt slightly to get what I need, but I will not be alone with her. "Sorry, he stays. Where I go he goes."**

_"Oh. Okay. What is it you needed to discuss with me Mr. Grey?"_

**"I was curious if you have heard from Jeff Yates recently?"**

_"Why would you want to know about Jeff Yates?"_

**"We grew up in the same area of Seattle. I was just made aware that his mother had passed. I was in town on business and hoping to pay my respects, but I can't seem to find him anywhere." I give her a sly smile. She squirms in her chair. This pretty face has its advantages. **

_"You tried his home?"_

**"Yes I went to The Beresford yesterday. No luck."**

_"So you assume as his editor I might have an idea of where he may be?"_

**"I was hoping so, yes. I will only be in town for a few days and I really wanted to catch up, maybe buy him a drink."**

_"Funny Jeff never mentioned you were friends."_

**"I wouldn't say we were friends. We had a mutual friend pass away recently. I missed him at the funeral and then I heard his mother passed. I would be indebted to you if you could give me some idea of where he may be." I step it up a level and give her my sexy smile and a wink. Yep that did it. Putty in my hands. Ana was never this easy, probably why I couldn't live without her. **

_"Honestly I haven't heard from him in about a week. We had been working on a new series that he wrote while he was in Seattle. He mentioned going away to finish the third and final installment so I assumed he is taking a writing hiatus."_

**"Oh I see. Do you happen to know who Jed Larson is?" What the hell. I might as well get as much information out of her as possible.**

_"That is a strange question. Jed Larson isn't a person it's a character. Why do you ask?"_

**"Just curios, I heard the name recently attached to Jeff in conversation. How long does he normally take for a writing hiatus?"**

_"It's hard to say. He usually goes to his lake house in upstate New York to write. He could be there a couple of weeks or a couple of months. I am sorry I couldn't be more help."_

**"You were great. Thanks for your time Rachel." I may need more later so I lay on the charm.  
**

_"You're welcome. Please let me know if you need anything else and I do mean anything." _

**She touches my arm and I fight the urge to jerk away. Instead I nod and smile before leaving. Once out of earshot I turn to Taylor.**

**"Taylor get Welch…"**

_"Already on it. I text him while you were talking to Miss Watson. He found a lake house owned by Jed Larson just outside of Edinburg, New York."_

**"Good get some men out there. They need to be careful not to raise suspicions. I would go myself, but I promised Ana I wouldn't be long and I don't want to waste precious time if it ends up being a dead end."**

_"Understood. I can send a man and woman team member having them pose as husband and wife."_

**"Great thinking. Keep me posted."**

**Entering the penthouse I am pleased to find Ana sitting with John on the couch. They seem to be fully engaged in conversation. I leave them to it and head to my office to find out more about Jed Larson's movements over the last 5 months. Just like a writer to use a character as an alias. **


	128. Chapter 128

Thanks for the continued support. Welcome new followers and favorites. Please check out Another Shade of Grey by Killashandra Falta. She does and excellent job at combining FSOG and Crossfire. Please let me know what you are thinking about the direction of the story. I know some of you are sick of all the drama. Soon you will have your love, romance and happiness.

Chapter 128

I finally manage to get dressed. I haven't worn a pair of jeans in 5 months and it feels good. I feel like me again. I settle into the living room and fire up another Harry Potter movie. There is comfort in the familiar. Half way through The Goblet of Fire I look up to see John Flynn.

"_Hi Ana, it sure is good to see you. Mind if I sit?"_

"Please." I say moving over to give him room. I am surprised when he just sits beside me watching the screen. Once the credits run I stop the movie and face him.

"I know what you want, John." I cross my arms in preparation for his probing questions.

"_And what is that?"_

"You want me to talk about it. You want me to confess all the horrors of the last 5 months, but I can't. I don't want to. I just want it to go away. I want my life back and I don't want to give another thought to that man and what he did."

"_I understand that you want to forget. The problem with that is it just isn't possible. You can push it away or bury it deep inside, but eventually it will rear its ugly head and I can promise it will be harder to deal with when it does."_

"So now I just confess it all, spill my guts and suddenly I will feel better?"

"_I wish it was that easy Ana. You know it's a process, but you also know it is possible to get through this and even come out better."_

"And how do I know that? What if talking about it makes me cynical and bitter."

"_You know it's possible because you saw it first hand in Christian."_

_**He has a point you know. If Christian can dump his baggage overboard to be a better person for you can't you humor the shrink a give him a little cooperation. He isn't asking you to open a vault to hell Ana he just wants to help you.**_

You're back. I thought you left me.

_**You know I wouldn't do that. I'm always here when you need me. You need to let John help you.**_

You know as well as I do Christian may have dumped some baggage overboard but he has plenty of carry-ons in tow. Who's to say this will work. It may just make me crazier than I already am. Case in point.

_**Just give it a shot. What do you have to lose? **_

"_Ana who are you talking to?"_

She nods with her eyebrows raised indicating I need to engage in the real world. "No one why?" John turns looking behind him I know he can't see her. I know she is a figment of my imagination. I'm not crazy! Am I?

"_It's not unusual to create an imaginary friend when you are solitary for so long. It is the minds way of coping with the silence and lack of human contact."_

"Is it unusual that you can see that imaginary friend or that she is familiar even though you have never seen her before?"

"_Ana nothing about what you have endured is normal. The mind is very powerful. Can you describe what she looks like?"_

I look past John as she nods in approval. "It's hard to say. She has eyes similar to Kate. Her hair is similar to Mia and she has a mouth shaped like Kelly with Grace's nose and my mom's skin tone. She's built like Maggie, but her personality is all over the place. Sometimes she is upbeat and rambunctious but she is also calm and caring not to mention pushy and dramatic. It is hard to explain. It sounds crazy I know. I mean I have an imaginary friend who I recognize, but I don't know. I have conversations with her on a regular basis. These conversations are two sided and her opinions vary along with her personality."

"_I think the explanation is simple. From what you say, your mind has created a companion in order to get you through a very traumatic event. This friend has similar features and personality traits to all of the important women in your life. That is why she is familiar. Her personality reflects what you need at the time. Stop me if I am wrong, but I can imagine when you are down and depressed she is more like Mia. Likewise, when you are doubtful Grace is present to reassure you. Then Kate arrives when you want to give up. Maggie answers all your questions about Christian reassuring you that love will win. Your mom is always present loving you through everything."_

_**I told you he could help you. You are as crazy as I am real. **_

I nod in acceptance. "I never thought of it that way. It explains a lot."

"_Do you feel up to talking about what happened?"_

My body tenses. I am afraid to open this can of worms. I am finally feeling hopeful. Reliving the last 5 months may strip me of any progress I have made.

_**You can do this Steel. Suck it up and get it over with.**_

What if I don't want to? What if I can't?

_**You have to and you know it. You give him power when you hold it all inside. **_

"_What did she say?"_

"That I have to talk about it. That I only give him power by keeping it inside." John just smiles apparently approving of my friend's advice. "I don't know where to start."

"_Just start at the beginning."_

I close my eyes thinking back to the day the nightmare began. "I had just checked out at Housing Works. Davenport mentioned going to tell Joe I was ready. I walked out and saw the car at the curb so I got in. I asked the driver to take me back to the penthouse. I was lost in thoughts about my dinner party that evening. By the time I noticed we were going the opposite direction of the penthouse it was too late. I was confused. Joe knows how to get to the penthouse. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Just as I was going to pick up my phone the car whipped into an alley, the car door opened and two men grabbed me. They took my phone, purse and shopping bag. I tried to scream but one of them placed their hand over my mouth while carrying me to a car parked a few feet away. A bag was placed over my head and my hands tied behind my back. I figured Davenport couldn't be far behind. Surely he had followed the car. He would rescue me and I could be home in time for my dinner party. We both know that didn't happen. We drove awhile. I didn't know what direction we were going. There was no way to determine where we were. Once the car stopped I was carried into a building. I tried to listen for familiar sounds. It just sounded like the city. There was nothing that stood out. Once inside a woman told me that everything was going to be okay. She tried to reassure me that I wouldn't be hurt and I would be home soon. I tried to ask her why I was here, what did they want with me? She didn't answer just repeated what she had said earlier. She untied my hands before placing me in a small cinderblock room. I was able to take the bag off my head. All I saw was an empty 3x6 room with a large metal door that was dead bolted from the outside. "

"_This woman did you ever see her face?"_

"No, but I did hear her voice one other time. It was right before I escaped. I overheard her and Yates discussing my baby."

"_What did they say?"_

"Yates was going to take the baby and give it to this woman before he got rid of me. That is when I knew I had to find a way out. I couldn't let them take my baby." The emotion that I felt after hearing that conversation rushes back. The tears begin to fall. I was so desperate in that moment. I couldn't let them take my son. At that point had I not been pregnant I would have welcomed death, but the baby was my lifeline, the reason I chose to fight. I rub my belly thankful for this little miracle inside me.

"_Do you want to take a break?"_

"Yes please." I leave and go to the bathroom to gather myself.

_**You did good sweetheart. I couldn't be more proud of you.**_

Thanks, but this is just the beginning. There is so much more I will have to dig up.

_**Baby steps Ana.**_

I leave her sitting on the side of the bathtub and go back into the living room. Flynn is gone. Pauline is starting dinner and I haven't heard from Christian all day. God I hope he didn't do something stupid. I couldn't live if anything happened to him.

"Pauline have you heard from Christian?"

"_Yes, sweetie he is in his office. He got home a little while ago, but didn't want to disturb you and Dr. Flynn."_

"Oh, Okay thanks." I leave her and go to Christian's office. I overhear him talking to John.

"**How is she, really?"**

"_She's better than I expected. Ana is strong. I won't lie she has a long, hard road ahead. You need to be patient."_

"**I'm trying. I want to make her better, take it all away. I would give anything to trade places with her. It kills me to know that all this time I thought she left me and she was fighting for her life. I gave up on her, stopped looking, convinced she didn't want to be found. How do I live with myself?"**

He gave up? He wasn't looking for me? How could he think I would just leave? I promised I wouldn't run. How could he just give up? Did he not love me anymore? I burst through the door floored by his confession.

"You gave up on me?" My eyes are brimming with tears.

"**Ana please let me explain…." Oh God how do I explain. I am still furious with myself how do I expect her to forgive me when I can't forgive myself. **

"Did you stop loving me? Did you move on? Did you get another sub?" My hands are shaking, my voice cracking. The possibility of him quitting, giving up never occurred to me. "I thought you loved me. You told me I was your lifeline the reason you lived, but you gave up. What do I do with that? You knew I was carrying our child…" I know now that Kelly told him right after I had disappeared. "and you just gave up. Did you want me to disappear? You found out I was carrying your baby so you did what you had to do to make it look good, like you were actually looking for me when in reality you were relieved that I was gone, we were gone. How could you?" I am becoming hysterical. My breathing is labored, my head spinning.

"**No Ana that wasn't how it was…" I feel myself becoming desperate. She is slipping away right in front of my eyes. She thinks I didn't love her or our baby and that is why I gave up. "I chased you all over the country, but I was always a step behind." How do I explain what happened?**

"I wasn't running all over the country Christian I was tied up being tortured in New York. It's not even a convincing story. It isn't even remotely possible. The least you could have done was come up with a story I could buy. God I am so stupid. I should have just let him kill me because at least in death I wouldn't feel this pain."

"_Ana he is telling you the truth. Why don't you sit down and we can discuss it."_

"You've made a fortune off of Christian and all is fucked up shades and you stand to make more now that I am just as fucked up as him. You would say anything to not lose this cash cow. I've heard enough." I turn and run. I can hear Christian yelling my name, but I tune it out. I make it down to the lobby before Christian has a chance to alert security. Looking around I have a small panic attack remembering the last time I was running away from a monster. I try to gather my thoughts. Where am I going to go? I could go to Kelly's, but I don't actually know where her new apartment is. The solution is staring me in the face. I cross the street and knock on the Williams Apartment. Maria answers and lets me in without thinking twice.

"_Miss Ana are you okay?"_

"I just need to stay here for a little while. I promise to call and get approval from Maggie just don't make me leave."

"_You know you are welcome anytime. You are pregnant?"_

"Seven months. I am having a little boy."

"_Congratulations no doubt he will be as wonderful as you. Ana what happened to your wrists and your face?"_

She looks horrified and scared. "It's nothing you need to worry about. I would never put you in danger Maria." I can only hope she will drop it. Thankfully she does. She offers me something to drink and I accept before retiring in my old bedroom. Funny how things change, NYC held so many great memories of Christian and I building our relationship. Now it holds nothing but heartache and hurt. I lie down on the bed closing my eyes and letting the tears run down my face. When the door opens I tell Maria that I am fine, I just need to lie down for a while.

"**Ana please let me explain. " She sits straight up eyes full of surprise.**

"How did you find me?"

"**It wasn't that difficult. I knew you were in no shape to venture out into the city. I also knew that Central Park would be off limits for obvious reasons. This was your sanctuary when you escaped me the first time so I assumed it would be again." I walk to the side of the bed and drop to my knees. **

"Funny you found me in 5 minutes when I didn't want to be found, but gave up when I needed to be rescued." My words are laced with anger.

"**I should have never given up. I know that now. Deep down I knew that then, but you have to understand he fooled me. He fooled everyone including Taylor, Luke, even Welch. He made me believe you were running away from me. I thought you didn't want me anymore that you didn't want me to be your husband or a father to our child. It killed me every day thinking you didn't love me anymore. I searched for months. I had to hear it from you. I refused to believe the email."**

"What email?"

"**Shortly after you disappeared I received and email saying that you couldn't live like this anymore and you had let it go on too long. You were leaving me. I tracked where it was sent. Taylor and I went to an internet café in Brooklyn showed your picture to the clerk and even looked at the surveillance video. It all seemed to confirm it was you who sent the email."**

"It wasn't me. I would have never done something like that."

"**That is why I vowed to find you. I wanted you to tell me to my face that you were leaving me. We tracked your credit and debit cards and followed you across the country. Every time it checked out. The video matched and someone would identify you from your picture. After a while I got tired. You wore me down and I was so defeated. I was broken so I gave up. I never stopped loving you. I didn't move on and no I didn't get a new sub. I couldn't bear to look at another woman much less touch one. I was miserable just ask Taylor and every other person that worked for me."**

"How is that possible? I was bound to a bed in New York the entire time." Then it hits me. "The woman, it has to be her."

"**What woman?"**

"The day I disappeared there was a woman that tried to comfort me before she placed me in a sort of holding room. That is where I was until Yates picked me up and took me to his room." I cringe even thinking about that room.

"**Did you see her?"**

"No my head was covered. I only heard her voice one other time before I escaped. They took my purse and my phone when they handed me off. It is the only logical explanation."

"**She must have posed as you using your ID and cards to send me on a wild goose chase."**

"I'm sorry I overreacted." I look straight into his eyes. They are full of sorrow and regret. I hate that he gave up, but I can understand under the circumstances why he felt the need to let me go.

"**You don't have anything to be sorry for. I wasn't lying when I said you are my lifeline. While you were gone I was so lost. I never should have given up. I love you Ana you are a part of me. I'm so sorry I didn't find you. I would give anything to go back in time and save you from all of this."**

"There is only one person to blame for all of this, well maybe 2, actually 3." I smile. "Yates, Elena and whoever this mystery woman is."

"**Will you come home with me?"**

"I would love to." He wraps me in his arms pressing my face to his chest. We sit holding each other for a long time before he leads me out the door and back home.


	129. Chapter 129

Thanks for the continued support. Welcome new followers and favorites. Please check out Another Shade of Grey by Killashandra Falta. She does and excellent job at combining FSOG and Crossfire. Please let me know what you are thinking about the direction of the story. I know some of you are sick of all the drama. Soon you will have your love, romance and happiness.

Chapter 128

I finally manage to get dressed. I haven't worn a pair of jeans in 5 months and it feels good. I feel like me again. I settle into the living room and fire up another Harry Potter movie. There is comfort in the familiar. Half way through The Goblet of Fire I look up to see John Flynn.

"_Hi Ana, it sure is good to see you. Mind if I sit?"_

"Please." I say moving over to give him room. I am surprised when he just sits beside me watching the screen. Once the credits run I stop the movie and face him.

"I know what you want, John." I cross my arms in preparation for his probing questions.

"_And what is that?"_

"You want me to talk about it. You want me to confess all the horrors of the last 5 months, but I can't. I don't want to. I just want it to go away. I want my life back and I don't want to give another thought to that man and what he did."

"_I understand that you want to forget. The problem with that is it just isn't possible. You can push it away or bury it deep inside, but eventually it will rear its ugly head and I can promise it will be harder to deal with when it does."_

"So now I just confess it all, spill my guts and suddenly I will feel better?"

"_I wish it was that easy Ana. You know it's a process, but you also know it is possible to get through this and even come out better."_

"And how do I know that? What if talking about it makes me cynical and bitter."

"_You know it's possible because you saw it first hand in Christian."_

_**He has a point you know. If Christian can dump his baggage overboard to be a better person for you can't you humor the shrink a give him a little cooperation. He isn't asking you to open a vault to hell Ana he just wants to help you.**_

You're back. I thought you left me.

_**You know I wouldn't do that. I'm always here when you need me. You need to let John help you.**_

You know as well as I do Christian may have dumped some baggage overboard but he has plenty of carry-ons in tow. Who's to say this will work. It may just make me crazier than I already am. Case in point.

_**Just give it a shot. What do you have to lose? **_

"_Ana who are you talking to?"_

She nods with her eyebrows raised indicating I need to engage in the real world. "No one why?" John turns looking behind him I know he can't see her. I know she is a figment of my imagination. I'm not crazy! Am I?

"_It's not unusual to create an imaginary friend when you are solitary for so long. It is the minds way of coping with the silence and lack of human contact."_

"Is it unusual that you can see that imaginary friend or that she is familiar even though you have never seen her before?"

"_Ana nothing about what you have endured is normal. The mind is very powerful. Can you describe what she looks like?"_

I look past John as she nods in approval. "It's hard to say. She has eyes similar to Kate. Her hair is similar to Mia and she has a mouth shaped like Kelly with Grace's nose and my mom's skin tone. She's built like Maggie, but her personality is all over the place. Sometimes she is upbeat and rambunctious but she is also calm and caring not to mention pushy and dramatic. It is hard to explain. It sounds crazy I know. I mean I have an imaginary friend who I recognize, but I don't know. I have conversations with her on a regular basis. These conversations are two sided and her opinions vary along with her personality."

"_I think the explanation is simple. From what you say, your mind has created a companion in order to get you through a very traumatic event. This friend has similar features and personality traits to all of the important women in your life. That is why she is familiar. Her personality reflects what you need at the time. Stop me if I am wrong, but I can imagine when you are down and depressed she is more like Mia. Likewise, when you are doubtful Grace is present to reassure you. Then Kate arrives when you want to give up. Maggie answers all your questions about Christian reassuring you that love will win. Your mom is always present loving you through everything."_

_**I told you he could help you. You are as crazy as I am real. **_

I nod in acceptance. "I never thought of it that way. It explains a lot."

"_Do you feel up to talking about what happened?"_

My body tenses. I am afraid to open this can of worms. I am finally feeling hopeful. Reliving the last 5 months may strip me of any progress I have made.

_**You can do this Steel. Suck it up and get it over with.**_

What if I don't want to? What if I can't?

_**You have to and you know it. You give him power when you hold it all inside. **_

"_What did she say?"_

"That I have to talk about it. That I only give him power by keeping it inside." John just smiles apparently approving of my friend's advice. "I don't know where to start."

"_Just start at the beginning."_

I close my eyes thinking back to the day the nightmare began. "I had just checked out at Housing Works. Davenport mentioned going to tell Joe I was ready. I walked out and saw the car at the curb so I got in. I asked the driver to take me back to the penthouse. I was lost in thoughts about my dinner party that evening. By the time I noticed we were going the opposite direction of the penthouse it was too late. I was confused. Joe knows how to get to the penthouse. I couldn't figure out what was going on. Just as I was going to pick up my phone the car whipped into an alley, the car door opened and two men grabbed me. They took my phone, purse and shopping bag. I tried to scream but one of them placed their hand over my mouth while carrying me to a car parked a few feet away. A bag was placed over my head and my hands tied behind my back. I figured Davenport couldn't be far behind. Surely he had followed the car. He would rescue me and I could be home in time for my dinner party. We both know that didn't happen. We drove awhile. I didn't know what direction we were going. There was no way to determine where we were. Once the car stopped I was carried into a building. I tried to listen for familiar sounds. It just sounded like the city. There was nothing that stood out. Once inside a woman told me that everything was going to be okay. She tried to reassure me that I wouldn't be hurt and I would be home soon. I tried to ask her why I was here, what did they want with me? She didn't answer just repeated what she had said earlier. She untied my hands before placing me in a small cinderblock room. I was able to take the bag off my head. All I saw was an empty 3x6 room with a large metal door that was dead bolted from the outside. "

"_This woman did you ever see her face?"_

"No, but I did hear her voice one other time. It was right before I escaped. I overheard her and Yates discussing my baby."

"_What did they say?"_

"Yates was going to take the baby and give it to this woman before he got rid of me. That is when I knew I had to find a way out. I couldn't let them take my baby." The emotion that I felt after hearing that conversation rushes back. The tears begin to fall. I was so desperate in that moment. I couldn't let them take my son. At that point had I not been pregnant I would have welcomed death, but the baby was my lifeline, the reason I chose to fight. I rub my belly thankful for this little miracle inside me.

"_Do you want to take a break?"_

"Yes please." I leave and go to the bathroom to gather myself.

_**You did good sweetheart. I couldn't be more proud of you.**_

Thanks, but this is just the beginning. There is so much more I will have to dig up.

_**Baby steps Ana.**_

I leave her sitting on the side of the bathtub and go back into the living room. Flynn is gone. Pauline is starting dinner and I haven't heard from Christian all day. God I hope he didn't do something stupid. I couldn't live if anything happened to him.

"Pauline have you heard from Christian?"

"_Yes, sweetie he is in his office. He got home a little while ago, but didn't want to disturb you and Dr. Flynn."_

"Oh, Okay thanks." I leave her and go to Christian's office. I overhear him talking to John.

"**How is she, really?"**

"_She's better than I expected. Ana is strong. I won't lie she has a long, hard road ahead. You need to be patient."_

"**I'm trying. I want to make her better, take it all away. I would give anything to trade places with her. It kills me to know that all this time I thought she left me and she was fighting for her life. I gave up on her, stopped looking, convinced she didn't want to be found. How do I live with myself?"**

He gave up? He wasn't looking for me? How could he think I would just leave? I promised I wouldn't run. How could he just give up? Did he not love me anymore? I burst through the door floored by his confession.

"You gave up on me?" My eyes are brimming with tears.

"**Ana please let me explain…." Oh God how do I explain. I am still furious with myself how do I expect her to forgive me when I can't forgive myself. **

"Did you stop loving me? Did you move on? Did you get another sub?" My hands are shaking, my voice cracking. The possibility of him quitting, giving up never occurred to me. "I thought you loved me. You told me I was your lifeline the reason you lived, but you gave up. What do I do with that? You knew I was carrying our child…" I know now that Kelly told him right after I had disappeared. "and you just gave up. Did you want me to disappear? You found out I was carrying your baby so you did what you had to do to make it look good, like you were actually looking for me when in reality you were relieved that I was gone, we were gone. How could you?" I am becoming hysterical. My breathing is labored, my head spinning.

"**No Ana that wasn't how it was…" I feel myself becoming desperate. She is slipping away right in front of my eyes. She thinks I didn't love her or our baby and that is why I gave up. "I chased you all over the country, but I was always a step behind." How do I explain what happened?**

"I wasn't running all over the country Christian I was tied up being tortured in New York. It's not even a convincing story. It isn't even remotely possible. The least you could have done was come up with a story I could buy. God I am so stupid. I should have just let him kill me because at least in death I wouldn't feel this pain."

"_Ana he is telling you the truth. Why don't you sit down and we can discuss it."_

"You've made a fortune off of Christian and all is fucked up shades and you stand to make more now that I am just as fucked up as him. You would say anything to not lose this cash cow. I've heard enough." I turn and run. I can hear Christian yelling my name, but I tune it out. I make it down to the lobby before Christian has a chance to alert security. Looking around I have a small panic attack remembering the last time I was running away from a monster. I try to gather my thoughts. Where am I going to go? I could go to Kelly's, but I don't actually know where her new apartment is. The solution is staring me in the face. I cross the street and knock on the Williams Apartment. Maria answers and lets me in without thinking twice.

"_Miss Ana are you okay?"_

"I just need to stay here for a little while. I promise to call and get approval from Maggie just don't make me leave."

"_You know you are welcome anytime. You are pregnant?"_

"Seven months. I am having a little boy."

"_Congratulations no doubt he will be as wonderful as you. Ana what happened to your wrists and your face?"_

She looks horrified and scared. "It's nothing you need to worry about. I would never put you in danger Maria." I can only hope she will drop it. Thankfully she does. She offers me something to drink and I accept before retiring in my old bedroom. Funny how things change, NYC held so many great memories of Christian and I building our relationship. Now it holds nothing but heartache and hurt. I lie down on the bed closing my eyes and letting the tears run down my face. When the door opens I tell Maria that I am fine, I just need to lie down for a while.

"**Ana please let me explain. " She sits straight up eyes full of surprise.**

"How did you find me?"

"**It wasn't that difficult. I knew you were in no shape to venture out into the city. I also knew that Central Park would be off limits for obvious reasons. This was your sanctuary when you escaped me the first time so I assumed it would be again." I walk to the side of the bed and drop to my knees. **

"Funny you found me in 5 minutes when I didn't want to be found, but gave up when I needed to be rescued." My words are laced with anger.

"**I should have never given up. I know that now. Deep down I knew that then, but you have to understand he fooled me. He fooled everyone including Taylor, Luke, even Welch. He made me believe you were running away from me. I thought you didn't want me anymore that you didn't want me to be your husband or a father to our child. It killed me every day thinking you didn't love me anymore. I searched for months. I had to hear it from you. I refused to believe the email."**

"What email?"

"**Shortly after you disappeared I received and email saying that you couldn't live like this anymore and you had let it go on too long. You were leaving me. I tracked where it was sent. Taylor and I went to an internet café in Brooklyn showed your picture to the clerk and even looked at the surveillance video. It all seemed to confirm it was you who sent the email."**

"It wasn't me. I would have never done something like that."

"**That is why I vowed to find you. I wanted you to tell me to my face that you were leaving me. We tracked your credit and debit cards and followed you across the country. Every time it checked out. The video matched and someone would identify you from your picture. After a while I got tired. You wore me down and I was so defeated. I was broken so I gave up. I never stopped loving you. I didn't move on and no I didn't get a new sub. I couldn't bear to look at another woman much less touch one. I was miserable just ask Taylor and every other person that worked for me."**

"How is that possible? I was bound to a bed in New York the entire time." Then it hits me. "The woman, it has to be her."

"**What woman?"**

"The day I disappeared there was a woman that tried to comfort me before she placed me in a sort of holding room. That is where I was until Yates picked me up and took me to his room." I cringe even thinking about that room.

"**Did you see her?"**

"No my head was covered. I only heard her voice one other time before I escaped. They took my purse and my phone when they handed me off. It is the only logical explanation."

"**She must have posed as you using your ID and cards to send me on a wild goose chase."**

"I'm sorry I overreacted." I look straight into his eyes. They are full of sorrow and regret. I hate that he gave up, but I can understand under the circumstances why he felt the need to let me go.

"**You don't have anything to be sorry for. I wasn't lying when I said you are my lifeline. While you were gone I was so lost. I never should have given up. I love you Ana you are a part of me. I'm so sorry I didn't find you. I would give anything to go back in time and save you from all of this."**

"There is only one person to blame for all of this, well maybe 2, actually 3." I smile. "Yates, Elena and whoever this mystery woman is."

"**Will you come home with me?"**

"I would love to." He wraps me in his arms pressing my face to his chest. We sit holding each other for a long time before he leads me out the door and back home.


	130. Chapter 130

**I realize that I posted 128 twice. I never received confirmation that it posted and although I got a couple of reviews they were not from my regulars. So due to that this says Chapter 130. You did not miss a chapter. I hope you all enjoy this one. It is one of my favorites so far. Reviews please.**

Chapter 130

**Our cuddle time is interrupted by Taylor. I reluctantly let go of Ana and follow Taylor to my office.**

"**Tell me they found him!"**

"_They did. He is hiding out at his lake house."_

"**Is he alone?" I am curious about this woman that Ana mentioned. **

"_All indications say yes. Our people haven't spotted anyone coming or leaving."_

"**Tell them to stay put while I decide what to do next."**

"_Already done."_

"**Thanks Taylor. Good work!" He nods and leaves me with my thoughts. I've got him. I don't want to rush in, in a blaze of glory, but I can't let grass grow either. Once I have him what exactly am I going to do with him? I know what I want to do. I want to pull out every torture technique known to man. I want to take my time giving him a taste of his own medicine. But I know I have to avoid all instruments common to the lifestyle. He was trained by Elena and I am sure has a high tolerance and even a desire for pain. I reach for my phone sending Luke and Taylor a text to come to my office. A few seconds later they are standing in front of my desk awaiting instructions.**

"**Sit. I need to know every method you each have used to interrogate terrorists." Taylor is ex-CIA and did extensive work around the world tracking and apprehending some of the most dangerous people to grace the planet. Luke is an ex-Navy seal and was recently a part of the team that killed Osama Bin Laden. "I want to break Yates and I want you two to help me." Luke and Taylor smile at each other and for the next hour they share things that would terrify the strongest of men. **

**The next morning I call Kelly to come sit with Ana. I am not sure how long I will be gone, but Kelly should be a good distraction. Taylor has assured me that everything in place. Yates is in custody and my team is waiting at a secure location for my arrival. I look at Ana as she comes out of the bathroom wrapped in only a towel. She drops it right outside the closet before she gets dressed. The marks to her body only fuel my fire. I will have to use absolute self-control. He had 5 months with Ana. I may only have a few days, but I plan on making it feel like a life time. I can't help but walk toward her touching her bare shoulder then replacing the touch with a kiss. **

"**You are so beautiful."**

"Even with all of these marks?"

"**Those marks only remind me of how strong and brave you are adding to your beauty." I let my hands travel softly down her back being careful not to put too much pressure. She turns facing me putting her right hand on my cheek. I lean into her touch closing my eyes. When I open them I see her leaning for a kiss. I meet her half way. Just as our lips touch a feel a jolt of pleasure surge through my body and I have to remind myself not to push her. I let her take the lead and am surprised when her arms wrap around my neck and her hands grab the back of my head urging me to increase the intensity of the kiss. I obey immediately and find myself lost in the moment. I've waited so long to have her and right now I just want to show her how much I missed her touch, her scent, the feeling of being inside her. My hands cup her ass and she practically jumps wrapping her legs around me. I carry her to the bed still lost in our kiss. I craw onto the bed with her still wrapped around me breaking our connection and trying to catch my breath.**

"**We don't have to do this if you aren't ready."**

"I want to. I need to."

"**Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you physically or otherwise." I break eye contact trying to put the thought of Yates touching her out of my mind. **

"He didn't rape me. He never touched me sexually. I want you to make love to me. Please." I need to have him close to me. I have waited 5 months to feel his body against mine. I dreamt of his touch. I notice he is still hesitant. "Christian I need this. I want you to remind me of everything we have. Don't make me beg because I ain't too proud." Yep that brought him out of his trance. His hands travel quickly to my breasts as his mouth covers mine again then leaves me moving to my nipple. His tongue teases it sending shockwaves to my core. "Ahhhh!" I forgot how good this was. He trades sides giving my other nipple equal indulgence. If he keeps this up I am going to explode. Just when I think I can't hold on any longer he moves down my body with his mouth. I feel like may spontaneously combust. This is so much better than I remember. My mind is completely blank, lost in this moment. I feel free for the first time in months. When his mouth reaches my core I know I won't be able to hold off and as his fingers slip inside me I shatter. "Oh. My. God. AHHHHHH! YES! PLEASE DON'T STOP! GOD YES!" Just as I am coming down from my earthshattering high Christian fills me, slowly slipping his entire length inside. My body is shaking, totally overwhelmed with the sensation. He looks at me with concern. "Don't stop! I'm fine, more than fine." He moves in and out with his eyes locked on mine. I can see straight through to his soul. As they fill with tears I know he needed this as much as I did. We are two parts of one whole denied for too long. "Thank you." I whisper. His mouth covers mine and he picks up his pace. When he pulls away I see that the tears have fallen settling on his cheeks. I wrap my legs around his waist and place my hands on his shoulders. I dig my heels into his cheeks literally spurring him on. This time we release together and I can feel all of the fear, doubt and pain of the last months leave my body. Christian collapses next to me pulling me into his side. I run my hand over his chest while he rubs his along my bump.

"**I didn't hurt you did I?"**

"Did I sound hurt?" I tease.

**I kiss the top of her head. "No you definitely didn't sound hurt." I feel the baby kick my hand. "Did you feel that?"**

"Pretty amazing isn't it?"

"**Thank you for him and thank you for finding your way back to me." It's good to have my heart back.**

I nuzzle into his chest feeling happy and content.

**The last thing I want to do is end this, but I have urgent business to attend. "Ana I called Kelly and she will be here in a few minutes. I have something that needs my immediate attention."**

"How long will you be gone?"

"**I'm not sure. I hope to be back in a couple of days."**

"Days? I don't want you to go."

"**I know, I don't want to go, but it can't wait."**

"Promise me you will be careful. Is Luke staying with me?"

"**No I need Luke and Taylor, but I will have 3 guards on rotation at all times. Pauline will be here as well as Kelly and John is staying for a few days in case you need him."**

"Okay, please hurry back. I don't feel good about this." Why would he need Luke and Taylor for a business meeting….Unless…he found Yates. I know I won't be able to stop him. I'll have to trust that Taylor and Luke will keep him safe and prevent him from doing something stupid. "Come back to me."

"**Always." **

**I get Ana settled and then meet Taylor and Luke in the car. We ride in silence to an abandoned manufacturing plant just outside of Newark. Three men greet us at the entrance. Taylor barks orders and they scatter to their assigned posts. Flanked by Taylor and Luke I walk toward the center of the building. Yates is strapped to a chair, his ankles shackled to the legs. His hands are handcuffed behind his back. He has a burlap sack over his head and something tells me he is gagged too. Taylor dismisses the 2 men babysitting this piece of shit. Once they are out of sight I remove the bag from his head. The minute I see his face I have to remind myself of the rules. I won't leave a single mark on him. As much as I want to tear him limb from limb I can't chance being caught. I keep him gagged for now. He will likely smart off about how he out smarted me. It is my turn to show him he has messed with the wrong man. **

"**You really should have taken me at my word. I gave you fair warning what would happen if you messed with Ana. Apparently you thought I was bluffing. You are a sick fucker. Beating and torturing an innocent woman, a pregnant one at that. Now we are going to see what a bad ass you are." **

**Luke and Taylor move him into a room that was constructed overnight. I take my seat in front of the 2 way glass as Luke sets everything in motion. For 2 hours we pipe in cold air. Thirty minutes in and he is shaking. I instruct Luke to take his gag out. When he immediately starts gloating about the things he did to Ana I turn the air down. He continues to explain how he used to strap her to the ceiling by her wrists with chains and padlocks watching as her shoulders would pop out of socket. I am clinching my fist and fighting the urge to physically dislocate his shoulders. Taylor reminds me to stick with the plan. I clench my jaw knowing he's right. After 2 hours he is begging us to turn off the air. He can barely speak now, his teeth are chattering and his body shaking violently. Taylor brings the thermostat back to 72 degrees and just as his body starts to warm up Taylor turns the air back down. We go back and forth with the temperature variation for another 3 hours. By this time he is begging for me to stop. I go into the room.**

"**Did Ana beg? I bet she pleaded with you, but you didn't stop did you? You continued hurting her for 5 months. So how long should I make you beg to make up for all those times you ignored her? 5 hours isn't nearly long enough. Just sit back and relax because we are just getting started. By the time I am done with you, you will be begging me to take your life, to put you out of your misery."**

**I leave the room and Taylor gets ready for our next round. He turns the air back down and adds a flashing strobe light and deafening death metal music. Yates closes his eyes as tight as possible trying to block out the harsh flashing light. He pulls at his restraints wanting to cover his ears. I can't hear what he says but his mouth is screaming something that resembles begging. After an hour we give him a small reprieve establishing hope that maybe it will end. It doesn't though. Just as soon as his body relaxes it starts again. After a while I ask Luke to move to the next step. Luke undoes his feet from the chair forcing him to stand bringing him out of the room then placing him in the middle of the old production floor. Luke pulls out a pistol and points it directly at Yates who is standing a yard away and pulling trigger. The gun goes off and Yates hollers out in fear, but he doesn't fall. Luke shot past him to the right, but close enough to make Yates think he was going to be executed. **

"_Please I'll do anything you want. Just let me go. You will never see or hear from me again."_

"**If you help me maybe I can help you. What do you say?"**

"_Yes. I can help you. Anything, I'll do anything."_

"**I want you to tell me the name of the woman who helped you kidnap Ana."**

"_I don't know her name."_

"**Wrong answer asshole." Luke takes another shot this time just to the left. He doesn't need to know that the gun is filled with blanks. I can't risk his really being shot and having to dispose of a body. **

"_I'm not lying. I met her at a club, a BDSM club here in New York. We had an agreement. We met once a week to relieve stress, but we never exchanged names. I told her one night that I needed to leave and take care of some things in Seattle mentioning Elena. She said she knew Elena. She said she was her handler and found doms for her when she lived in Seattle. I didn't think much of it until I saw her again at the funeral. Over drinks I confessed that I was planning on avenging Elena's death and she said she wanted in."_

"**You expect me to believe that you planned this together in detail and you don't know her name?"**

"_Yes. We kept it that way for safety. If something went wrong neither of us could implicate the other. It's the truth, I swear."_

**I nod at Luke and turn away. Luke forces Yates back into the room. Yates is begging me to believe him. I do. I still won't be letting him go. This has nothing to do with forcing a confession. I already know the bastard did it. This is payback. Taylor and I leave Luke with the first shift. We retire to an old office. Cots have been set up on either side of the room. I am still wound tight and sleep doesn't seem likely, but when my head hits the pillow I drift off fairly quickly. For the next 3 days we take shifts alternating are methods. Yates has not been allowed to sleep for 36 hours and his nerves are shot. Between the constant noise, flashing lights and extreme temperature changes he finally breaks begging me to put him out of his misery.**

"_Just kill me. Please I can't take it anymore."_

**I look at Taylor, "It's time."**


	131. Chapter 131

**I know I have posted a lot in the last several days. Honestly I need to get through with this whole Yates thing it is getting to me. I am now just as ready for happy, love, joy as the rest of you. So here you go. There are still a few loose ends, but this should give us all some closure. Thanks for the reviews! Enjoy!**

** debbieg0379 - I wanted to put a little water boarding in there, but after this chapter you will understand why I couldn't leave any traces of water in his lungs.**

**Chapter 131**

**Taylor stops the music and the lights Yates body goes slack. Luke enters the room placing an ipod in his pocket and earbuds in his ears before gagging him and putting the bag over his head. He releases his legs and forces Yates to stand. His knees buckle. He is unable to even stand unassisted. I call two of the other guards and they carry him to the car and place him in the truck. Taylor calls Welch who prepares for our arrival. The music is still blasting in Yates ears. He is moaning in obvious mental anguish. Joe pulls to the rear of the building. Welch has disabled the security cameras replacing them with views from the previous day. Taylor and Luke carry him to the service elevator as I follow behind. It stops on the 17th floor in a back entrance that opens into Yates apartment. Taylor picks the lock allowing us access. They take him to the dungeon. I refuse to call this place a playroom. Once inside I lock the door Luke secures him to the cross before removing the hood, gag and ipod. Yates opens his eyes. When they adjust they go are wide with surprise. **

"**I thought it only fitting to end it here."**

"_Just end it, please."_

"**In due time."**

"_I can't take anymore. You are right I shouldn't have messed with you. You win."_

"**As much as that touches my heart to hear you say I am not quite done with you." I say sarcastically. "You will be happy to know that Ana and the baby are fine. As hard as you tried you never broke her. I told you the first time that you underestimate her strength. Seems like you have a tendency to do that a lot. I am going to let you down and take off your restraints. You aren't going to try anything are you Jeff?" He shakes his head emphatically no.**

**Luke releases him and he collapses to the floor. "Luke make sure there are no marks on his skin from the restraints." Luke checks him out giving the thumbs up signal. I pull the paper from my pocket and hold up to Yates. "Read it. OUT. LOUD." As he reads and his voice gets quiet with the realization of what he is reading. When he finishes I hand him a pen. "SIGN IT!" His hands are shaking making his signature more convincing. "Now go to the drawer and get out a rope." He looks at me with pleading eyes. "NOW!" He crawls on his hands and knees, still unable to walk. Once he has the rope Luke takes it tying a noose and securing it from the ceiling, the same one that held Ana by her wrists. I place a chair underneath the rope. "Stand on the chair." **

"_Please just shoot me. Don't make me do this. I'm begging you."_

"**I said GET. ON. !" He crawls to it and tries to stand falling off. After his second try I let Luke assist him. Once he has his balance Luke steps away. "Place the rope around your neck."**

"_Christian I'm begging! I don't want to die. I change my mind. I will do anything just please don't do this."_

"**Put the rope around your neck or we can just start the process over again. I know that these two men," I say pointing to Taylor and Luke, "are game for some more fun." They both nod. "We can take you back to the room if you would like or you can just put your fucking head in the rope like I asked." He weighs his options before placing his head in the noose. "Reach up and secure it." He does as I ask. Luke checks to see if it is tight. "There is one last thing I want you to know before you die." His eyes are wide with fear. "That tiny woman that you beat within an inch of her life is the reason Elena is no longer walking this earth."**

"_I don't understand?"_

"**Elena didn't kill herself. Ana shot her. She emptied an entire clip into her body." Now I have his attention. "I bet you now you wish you had killed her when you had the chance." He starts to reach for the rope struggling to get free. It's amazing what adrenaline allows an exhausted body to do. I kick the chair out from under him. His body snaps down the rope squeezing his neck. He is still struggling kicking his feet hoping to get free. "Don't worry it will be over soon and you can meet Elena in hell." Hanging is not a fast way to die. Unless you are lucky enough snap your neck on the way down. It takes several minutes before you pass out from lack of oxygen and then several more for death. I wait until his body is completely limp. Luke checks his pulse insuring that he is gone. "Good riddance." I say before going home to Ana. **

Christian has been gone for 3 days. Although he hasn't personally called me John keeps assuring me that he is okay just caught up in something important. My imagination is starting to run wild. Last night I woke up from a nightmare where Christian was covered in blood and being hauled off to jail for murdering Yates with his bare hands. As much as I want that bastard to suffer for what he has done to me, I would rather him walk away scot free than lose Christian. Kelly has stayed with me each night promising not to leave until Christian returns. She is a good distraction keeping my mind occupied during the day and even sleeping in bed with me so I don't have to be alone. It is something Kate would do if she was here. It feels like forever since I have seen her and everyone else. By now her and Elliott could be engaged or even married for all I know. Kelly and Jose are still living together. By the way she gushes about their relationship I am sure it won't be long before they take the plunge. I am reminded that Christian and I were supposed to be the first in my group of friends to get married. I wonder if he kept my wedding dress or if it was too great a reminder of my absence so he got rid of it. Pauline interrupts my thoughts and Kelly's monologue that I seemed to have tuned out to announce that dinner is ready. I'm not very hungry. I'm getting more and more anxious about Christian's absence. I poke at my salad listening to John and Kelly discuss the newest life guru to write a book promising to unlock the secrets to true happiness. I am only half listening, okay I am hearing their voices, very little of the conversation is sinking in. As I push my food around my plate with my fork I am startled back to reality.

"**Did you miss me?" I was able to sneak up on her without being spotted. John and Kelly never missed a beat allowing me to get behind Ana unnoticed. She jumps at when she hears my voice. Maybe I shouldn't have been so sneaky.**

"Christian you scared me half to death! Of course I missed you." I say jumping out of my seat and into his arms. "I was so worried something had happened to you. You should have called me."

"**I'm sorry, I wanted to I was just tied up. Did you get my messages through your guards?"**

"I did, but it's not the same as hearing your voice." I cling to him tightly. I want to ask him what happened. I want to know if Yates is dead? If he took his life and how? I know Christian will never tell me the details in order to protect me , it doesn't make me any less curious. For now I can be satisfied that he is back and other than looking tired he seems in one piece. I pull back scanning his face and hands for injury. Nothing. He doesn't have a single scratch on him.

"**Let's sit. I am starving." Pauline brings me a plate. I look at Ana's. It looks as though she has just rearranged her food with her fork to make it seem like she has eaten. I am not fooled. "You need to eat Ana." She smiles and takes a small bite no doubt just to shut me up. **

"Guess what?" I say looking at Christian. He raises an eyebrow, not able to answer with a mouth full of food. "Kelly brought my book, the finished product. It is so beautiful. I am officially published. We are still working out an official release date."

"_It's been ready for months. I just didn't have the heart to release it without Ana seeing the finished product." Kelly explains._

"**I am so happy for you Ana. I have no doubt it is going to be a huge success. I actually read it while you were gone. It's good, really good." **

**After Kelly leaves and John retires to his room I take Ana to bed. I hold her in my arms. This is the most relaxed I have been in a long time. Yates is no longer a threat. I still have to find this mystery woman, but tonight I can rest knowing the man that hurt Ana died a slow, painful and terrifying death. I won't lose one ounce of sleep over what I had to do. **

"Christian?"

"**Yes baby." I answer stroking her beautiful brown waves.**

"Is he dead?"

"**Yes Ana he's dead." I don't even debate in telling her. She has a right to know that the monster is dead. I want her to have the closure she deserves. I won't give her details, but she definitely deserves to know he's no longer breathing the same air as her.**

"I know you won't share with me what happened and honestly I don't want to know. I just need to know 2 things?"

"**I will try to answer you honestly."**

"Did he suffer?"

"**Yes baby he suffered."**

"Good!" I never thought I would wish a slow painful death on another human being. Jeff Yates didn't deserve mercy. He certainly didn't show me or my unborn child any. In my book he didn't classify as a human being and therefore didn't deserve compassion.

"Are you sure this won't come back to bite you? I don't want to have to worry about losing you."

"**Trust me Ana there is no way anything can be traced to me. I wouldn't risk being separated from you to settle a score. It's over. He's gone and you don't need to worry about anything that has to do with that man anymore. Okay."**

"Okay."

That is the last time either of us discussed Jeff Yates. In his death I gained my freedom. The next morning while sitting at the breakfast bar I overhear the news broadcast that Pauline listens to every morning mention that Yates was found dead in his apartment, an apparent suicide. He had hung himself leaving a note that had been verified to have his signature. I smiled knowing Christian had truly pulled it off. A few days later we flew home to Seattle. Christian was still actively looking for the woman that helped Yates and I was content in letting him handle this one on his own. I had already given him all the information I could. I trusted he would do whatever it took to bring her to justice. Stepping off the plane I took in the Seattle air. It was raining as it does almost daily in October, but I didn't care. The gloomy weather did nothing to affect my cheerful spirits. I wanted to see my family and friends. I had my life back finally and I wasn't going to waste any time stuck in the past. I had a choice. I could wallow in my pain and be stuck wondering why me or I could move forward counting my blessings. I had the love of my life, I was going to be a mom in just a couple of months, I have friends and family who love me and I am living my dream of being a published author. The good definitely outweighed the bad.


	132. Chapter 132

**Before I started this fanfiction I had an idea for an original story. Since I have never written anything outside of a term paper I decided to use this as a tool to fine tune my skills. I still have a long way to go, but I finally started my story today and I have all of you to think for building my confidence enough to take the plunge. It is a love story, but nothing like FSOG. Don't worry I will still be updating FSOF as often as possible. I need to see this one through to the end. HAppy Reading! Reviews always appreciated. **

Chapter 132

I'm surprised to see my mom and dad when we arrive at Bellevue. Grace insisted that we come over for dinner. My mom cradles me in her arms and weeps.

"_Baby girl it is so good to have you back. I was so worried about you. I can't believe how far along you are already. You look good sweetie, beautiful. How are you feeling?"_

"I'm good mom, really." She smiles even as the tears stream down her face. I give her another hug before turning my attention to my dad.

"Daddy!" I run to him and he wraps me up in his arms. I bury my head in his chest.

"_I'm so relieved that you are safe, Annie. I tried to tell Christian you would never have run off and cut me out of your life."_

"Please dad he already feels bad enough. All that matters is I'm home now."

"_I can't believe you are going to be a mother. Hell I can't believe I am going to be a grandpa."_

"I know it's crazy huh? You are going to be the best grandpa ever. This little boy is going to be an expert fisherman before he can walk."

"_You better believe it!"_

I give him a kiss on the cheek and squeeze his hand before making my way to Kate. In the corner of my eye I spot someone familiar in standing in the corner of the room. Our eyes meet, she gives me a warm smile and then leaves. I know at that moment I will never see her again. I feel a small pain in my chest. I know I don't need her anymore, but it doesn't make this any easier. Kate takes me off guard almost knocking me over.

"_I love you Steele. Don't ever scare me like that again."_

She notices the grooves on my wrists that have changed from red to a deep purple. She looks back to me with a pained expression. "Don't worry it looks much worse than it is." Christian and I made an agreement not to tell anyone exactly what happened while I was held captive. I didn't want everyone to walk on egg shells around me. The scars I bare emotionally are mine and mine alone to deal with. I just want to come home to as normal a life as possible.

Mia is her normal bubbly self, expressing how excited she is to start shopping for her new nephew. I can only imagine how spoiled this child is going to be. Carrick and Elliott are warm, but unsure what to say. I just give them each a kiss on the cheek before moving to Grace. Her hair is growing back and seems to be coming back curly and darker than normal. She looks great, healthy, my heart swells knowing that we won't be losing her anytime soon.

"_Oh Ana! I don't even know where to begin. I didn't want to doubt you, but after so many months, I too was convinced you had left. Poor Christian was a mess. I thought I had lost you both. I'm sorry! I should have known you would never be so cruel. You can't possibly know how happy I am to have you back safe. Thank you for keeping my grandson safe. Your strength amazes me."_

"No need to be sorry. Everyone was fooled Grace not just you. Christian had top notch professionals convinced that I had run off. This little boy was my strength. I am afraid what would have happened if I wasn't carrying him."

_It's just good to have you home."_

"It's good to be home, Grace."

We settle into our normal conversations as dinner progresses. I catch up with Mia. Christian funded her party planning business while I was gone and she is booked up for the next six months. I catch Christian's eye, smiling brightly. Jacob is finishing up is masters and hopes to go on tour with his band in the next year. They were signed by an independent record label and are planning on playing small venues on the West coast. Mia seems really happy and I am secretly happy that they haven't made any permanent commitments since I have been gone. Kate on the other hand seems a little uncomfortable. She is fiddling with her hands nervously. I see the gleam of something shiny and my mouth falls open.

"You're engaged! Why didn't you tell me? When did it happen? Start spilling Kavanaugh."

"_I didn't want to make a big deal about it, not tonight."_

"Why not? This is huge. You are going to be Mrs. Elliott Grey and now I can be your maid of honor. Unless you already have one?" I pause realizing she may already have the entire wedding planned since my absence. Kate looks to Mia who immediately relieves her fears by backing out of the coveted position. I feel a little bad, but only a little. I should be her maid of honor, I have been her friend longer and put up with more of her shit. I earned that spot. Kate settles and tells me all the details of Elliott's proposal. "A trip to the Bahamas, seriously? He pulled out all the stops. How awkward would it have been if you said no?" We both laugh knowing that was impossible. "So when's the big day?" I ask.

"_December 14. We thought it would be convenient for family to come into town and stay for Christmas."_

"I sure hope you have spandex dresses because I am going to look like a whale by then."

"_Nonsense you are going to be beautiful. Pregnancy becomes you," _

Christian leans in whispering. "**She's right. I don't think I have ever seen you look more beautiful than now, carrying my child."**

"Keep that talk up Mr. Grey and you are going to have to take me home soon."

"**Say the word and we can leave. You're tired aren't you?"**

He gives me a wink and I feel myself debating. No we can't leave. Not yet, we just got here. I just turn back to Kate and continue our wedding conversation. I should be a Grey by now. I keep my smile plastered on even though inside I want to break from the room and cry a thousand tears. I won't though. I'm alive. I will be Mrs. Christian Grey soon enough. I need to be here for Kate and help make her day perfect because she would have, will, do the same for me. Shortly after dinner I run into Christian as I am coming out of the bathroom.

"I'm ready when you are. I think I've had enough family bonding tonight." He laughs knowing he is usually the one that can't wait to get away from the love fest that is the Grey's.

"**Sure. Let's say our goodbyes and then I am going to take you home and do a little bonding of my own."**

I feel my legs quiver and my stomach flutter. He still has it. Just his words make me want to strip all my clothes off and lay spread eagle in the middle of his bed panting in anticipation. It's a relief to know this part of me isn't broken. On the way home I can't help but think back to my conversation with Kate about her wedding. I'm overcome with sorrow. As much as I want to put it out of my mind I can't. I should be his wife. I stare out the window dreaming of what our wedding would have been like. I couldn't wait to wear my dress. It was so beautiful. I had imagined Christian's face as I came down the aisle, full of love, knowing I was going to truly be his. It's silly and I know it, but I can't help but wallow a bit.

"**What's on your mind?"**

"Nothing, it's silly."

"**Silly or not I want to know. Please!" I say giving her a cheesy grin.**

"I was just thinking about how wonderful our wedding would have been."

"**It still will be, Ana. I plan on making all your dreams come true."**

"I have everything I could ever want right here." I place one hand on his heart and the other on my belly. "I'm just being silly. I'm just a little jealous is all, it will pass."

"**Why? Because she is getting married first?"**

"Yes! It was supposed to be me! Us!"

"**Then let's get married. Tomorrow, next week, whenever you want, you are already my wife in my heart Ana, but if a wedding is what you need then I will move heaven and earth to make it happen. All your dreams…"**

His words touch my heart. I don't need a wedding to know how much love we share. I don't want it to be rushed or forced just because I am jealous of Kate. I can wait until I know it will be perfect, until I can walk down the aisle in my perfect dress to my perfect man. "No, I want to wait. I love you and you love me. I don't need a fly by night wedding to make me yours. I was yours the first time you spoke my name."

He takes my hand, pressing it to his lips. Warmth feels my body. I snuggle into his body let the warmth take hold. He kisses the top of my head, running his hands through my hair. I lean my head back, closing my eyes. I was ready to get home to Seattle not realizing this is home. Right here in his arms is home.

When we arrive at Escala he sweeps me up into his arms carrying me to the elevator. He sets me down and cradles me with his body his front to my back, running his hands over my bump. I laugh internally thinking how ironic it is that women hate having their bellies rubbed until they are pregnant. I place my hands on top of his stopping to let him feel our son wiggling. I don't have to see his face to know that he is smiling.

"**That will never cease to amaze me. I can't wait to meet him."**

"Me too! I hope he looks just like his daddy, thick copper hair and grey smoldering eyes. Wait maybe I don't, no woman will ever be able to resist such a man and no woman will ever be good enough for my little man."

**I just laugh picturing her as a momma bear protecting her cub. Watch out ladies! "I already feel sorry for the first girl he brings home to meet us."**

"I can't wait to have a girl just to see you squirm the first time she kisses a boy on our front porch."

"**That won't happen, because she won't be allowed to date. EVER!"**

"Well, well Mr. Grey looks like I've touched a nerve. Let's just worry about all of that when the time comes. No need it getting all worked up over something that may never happen."

"**I don't know if we will have a little girl, but as sexy as you look pregnant Miss Steele I have a desire to have a brood of children just to see you all swollen with my offspring."**

"Are you coming onto me Mr. Grey?"

"**As a matter of fact I am. I want you out of these clothes so I can put my mouth on every inch of this delectable body."**

His hands are roaming over my breasts. He squeezes my nipple and a lightning bolt of pure desire shoots through my body. When the elevator opens I spring free and practically sprint to the bedroom glancing briefly at Gail and waiving. I need him now! It must be the hormones. All I can think about is his mouth in my nether region licking and sucking. Oh God! I strip in record time and lay spread eagle on the bed awaiting his arrival. My breathing is labored just picturing him opening the door, knowing he will not disappoint.

"**Wow! If I didn't know better I would think someone is horny."**

"VERY! Now get those clothes off and get over here before I combust."

"**Yes ma'am." I purposely take my time undressing. I can see her getting impatient. Her breathing is shallow, almost a pant. Her nipples are standing on edge begging to be licked. **

"God Christian! I am dying over here. Please hurry."

**I strip the last of my clothes then position my body over hers, still not touching her. I can see the sweat beading on her forehead. I don't think I have ever seen her so needy. I love it! **

"Touch me please! I need you to touch me."

"**Where Ana? I want you to tell me where you need me."**

"Everywhere! God just touch me!"

"**Not good enough I want to know what is aching most. Don't think just blurt it out right at this moment where do you need relief?"**

"My nipples, please lick them, bite them just get your damn mouth on me." I don't have to ask again. I feel his warm wet mouth take in my hard nipple. He nibbles and sucks it until I think I may come unglued.

"AHHHHHHH!" I scream. He moves to the other side giving it equal attention. I can feel the moisture pooling between my legs. My hips instinctively start thrusting upward trying to relieve the ache he is creating. "Down, I need you to go down. NOW!" I see him lift his head wearing a huge 'cat that ate the canary smile' then his lips trail down my belly creating chills followed by pure fire in their wake. When he finally takes me in his mouth I am lost. My mind is blank thinking only of the pure ecstasy that I am experience from his tongue. What a talented tongue he has. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! PERFECT!" He slips in 2 fingers touching just the right spot as they move in and out of me. My body is weightless like I am riding a cloud. My eyes roll back in my head and I want so badly to let go.

"**I want to hear you Baby! Give it to me!"**

That was it. His words out of that sexy, dirty mouth that is fucking the living daylights out of me are my undoing. I scream all sorts of expletives and other things that have no resemblance of actual words. It seems to roll on forever, making my toes curl and my hands clench tight on Christian's hair. When it finally slows to a crawl he leaves me. I know he is ready to slam into me and God how I want him to, but right now I want him underneath me. I want to see him and touch him as he loses control.

"I want to ride you." He looks surprised, but happy and lays on the bed beside me. I straddle him sliding my sensitive and wet slick down his shaft. He lets out a moan.

"**God you feel so fucking good!" **

Again with the words then the added desire shooting from his steel grey eyes together they encourage me to move. Slowly at first, I want to feel him deep inside me. Soon I become so hungry for more that I increase my speed, grinding down with such force that I can feel my clit rubbing against him creating more and more heat. My body is tingling. My hands caress his chest slowly moving slowly, unlike my hips. I lean down and lick his lips. "You are so hot! I love these lips." I say crashing down on him. Our mouths are just as hungry as the rest of us. I sit up again grazing my hands over his chest then moving my hands back and resting them on his thighs allowing my body to bend back exposing my breasts. I let my head fall back and my hair is tickling his legs.

"**FUCK ANA! You're going to kill me. So Beautiful!"**

His hands start grabbing at my body encouraging me to move more. I can feel his legs tensing just as his hands move to my ass pushing and pulling making my own orgasm build to new heights before suddenly crashing. My body writhes in its pleasure encouraging him to let go as I milk him dry. I rest my forehead on his sweating and exhausted. Quality is definitely better that Quantity. I think I saw stars or was it fireworks, whatever it was it was AMAZING! My body has been starved and though it would accept ground beef I am lucky enough to have prime rib to satisfy my hunger. I slide off and he takes in a deep breath. We both sigh hating this part when we have to break apart. I get a warm washcloth from the bathroom and clean him up before cleaning myself then I curl into his side and fall into a deep and satisfying sleep. It's good to be HOME!

I wake up wrapped in a boa constrictor of legs and arms. My bladder is throbbing and I know if the baby happens to kick I will lose all control of it. I carefully remove him from my body and slip out of bed without waking him. Once my bladder is relieved I decide to let Christian sleep. My stomach is growling and the smell of bacon frying is drawing me in. Gail is standing at the stove. I speak and she jumps.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"_It's okay Ana. I was just lost in my thoughts and I didn't think anyone was up yet. Are you hungry?"_

"Starving. It smells delicious!"

"_Give me about 10 minutes and I'll have a plate for you."_

"Okay I wanted to do something anyway. I'll be right back." I head upstairs to the library and breathe a sigh of relief when everything is exactly how I left it. There is a book sitting beside the chair. I don't remember leaving anything out when I left for New York. I pick it up and am surprised. I am staring at the cover of my book, the one that hasn't been released. Kelly must have sent him a copy. He has it book marked half way through. I set it back down and move to see the rest of the house. I've missed this place. I glance inside all the rooms finding all just as they have always been. I stop at the door of the bedroom he used to assign to his subs. Dread fills my mind. He said he didn't take a sub while I was gone and I believe him, right? Not that this room will prove differently, I open it anyway. The sight before me makes me gasp out loud placing my hand to my mouth. Stepping inside I can't believe my eyes. They settle on a beautiful bed nestled beneath a canopy similar to something you would see in a Caribbean resort. The bed is obviously hand carved. I walk toward it running my hand along the ornate posts. It is stunning. Tears fill my eyes after I spot the most luxurious bedding I have ever seen. The room is in all whites, different shades of white with dark mahogany furniture to match the bed. In the corner of the room is an upholstered chair with a reading sconce mounted on the wall next to it. I sit in the chair and gaze at the room, in awe. I can imagine spending my nights here cuddling and placing my precious baby in his gorgeous crib. I close my eyes and the tears fall. I wonder if he just had this done? Money can buy just about anything did he want everything to be perfect before I got home?

"**You like it?" I see her sitting in the rocking chair. Her eyes are closed and her cheeks are wet. I hope she loves it as much as I do.**

"I love it! It's perfect. When did you do this?"

"**I had it done in June."**

"June? But you thought I had left you? Why would you do this?"

"**I missed you. I wanted to be close to you and to our child and this was the only way I could think to ease the ache. I would come in here and sit after I left the library and just dream of the day that you were home. The day we brought our baby home from the hospital and we were finally a family. I never thought I wanted a family, to be a dad, until I thought it had been ripped away from me. That is a pain like none I have ever experienced." I had my eyes closed for my little speech, not sure if I would make it through without getting emotional. I felt one hand slip around my waist and the other touch my cheek. I leaned in taking a deep breath. I had dreamed of this day. The day she came back to me and saw our son's room ready for his arrival, I had always hoped she would like it and she does.**

"I love you Christian, so much. You are going to be such a great father. We are both lucky to have you." I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. This beautiful and loving man who once thought he didn't have a heart. It couldn't be further from the truth. His heart inspired me every day of my captivity. It was his touch, his words, his love that got me through. Seems we were even. I saved him from a life of emptiness and he simply saved my life.

"**Did you look through the drawers?"**

"Not yet." I opened the armoire. It was full of clothes and blankets in all white to be gender neutral. "Mia?" Christian just nods his head. Mia was the professional shopper in the family and I am sure she couldn't resist when Christian told her to fill the room including the closet and drawers. I move to the closet expecting to find more tiny newborn outfits, instead I stand in disbelief. My wedding dress, still in its garment bag was the sole inhabitant of the closet. Part of me had hoped that it was still here, that I would get to wear it eventually, but I wasn't sure. I know Christian had given up hope that I would ever come back and I wasn't sure if he would hold on to it. It had to be painful for him. "You kept it." I turned to face him, tears stinging my eyes. "I thought you had given up, but you kept it."

"**There was always hope. I buried it deep, but I knew I could never really give up on you, on us. You are my light and no matter how dim it became I was still drawn to it."**

I run to him launching myself in his arms. "I knew you couldn't give up, not completely. Thank you!" I kiss his lips "Thank you for the nursery and the dress and…" I kiss him again. "Just thank you." He sits in the chair pulling me into his lap. I curl up, resting my head on his shoulder still so thankful. After a few minutes my stomach growls. In all the emotions I forgot I was starving. My stomach, however, did not.

"**Sounds like we need to get you fed. I'm sure Gail is long since done making breakfast."**

We eat. Gail obviously got the memo that pancakes are no wano anymore. Christian and I fall into easy conversation about nothing and everything. The casualness feels so natural and soothing. Over the next few weeks we get into a routine. He works mostly from home. I still don't like being away from him for long periods of time. I think he secretly enjoys my dependence on his presence. I convince Maggie to let me work part time as an editor from home. My book is released on November 1 to rave reviews and the week before Thanksgiving I get one of the most exciting phone calls of my life.

"_Hey Ana I haven't talked to you in a while. I hope everything is going good."_

"It is Kelly. I am finding my way back with ease."

"_Well then I hope this doesn't disturb your progress."_

My stomach twists. I can't imagine what she is going to tell me? Maybe she's just teasing me.

"_I just got news this morning that your book made the New York Times Best Sellers List. Congratulations! You know I never had any doubt."_

"You're kidding right? This is a joke?"

"_No joke. You are officially a successful author. Maybe now is the time to get going on volume 2. We need to strike while the iron is hot and before you have a baby stealing all your free time."_

"Funny that you mention it, I wrote most of it in my head after I was kidnapped." I hear her gasp. "I know that is hard to hear, but it was a good distraction. I will try to get it typed up before the holidays."

"_Great! Don't push too hard. We have time I just wanted to encourage you."_

"I won't thanks for the news. I can't wait to tell Christian." I hang up.

"**Tell me what?" **

I see a quizzical look on his face. "That was Kelly. My book made the New York Times Best Sellers list today."

"**Wow Ana that is great news. It's a great story. I've read it twice."**

"Twice, really? You liked it that much?"

"**I did and yes it is that good. Plus I missed you. A LOT!"**

"Kelly wants me to get the next volume out as soon as possible. So I guess I know what I will be working on for the next few weeks."

"**Can it wait until tomorrow? I want to take you out to celebrate." **

I want to go, but then I stare at my wrists not wanting anyone to see my scars. "I don't know."

"**It's chilly you can wear long sleeves and pants. No one will see it." I know she is self-conscious, but she has to start getting out. As much as it pleases me to have her all to myself; locked away in my ivory tower it isn't Ana. She would have never been comfortable living as a hermit before Yates. **

"Okay. You make reservations and I'll start getting ready." At 6:30 sharp I meet Christian in the foyer. I take his arm and steady my resolve knowing this is exactly what I need. My chest swells with pride knowing Christian is doing this to encourage me. He has always been happy keeping me to himself and I can imagine the last few weeks have been heaven for him. He has me all to himself, his damsel in distress locked away from the world, safe. I just fell a little deeper for this complicated man on my arm. I kiss his hand and the elevator closes.


	133. Chapter 133

More HEA! Enjoy..as always thanks for all the reviews. Happy Reading!

Chapter 133

"This is nice. Thank you."

It had been my choice to lock myself away from the world. Now sitting in a busy restaurant buzzing with energy I know I can't stay hole up like some Disney princess waiting to be saved. My prince had already avenged me and now I had to choose to live, really live.

"**It's no secret that I would love to keep you all to myself, but that wouldn't be fair to you." I notice her glancing at her wrists when her sleeve rides up a little revealing her scar. "We can look into having them removed." **

"Maybe after the baby is born. I don't want to do anything that may hurt him." There are times when I think I should leave them as a reminder of how strong I really am. However, tonight I feel self-conscious knowing that they will always raise questions that I don't want to answer. Maybe removal was the best option.

"**I will do whatever you want. I love you with or without the scars."**

"Why did you never get yours removed? Your mom is a doctor she had to have known it was possible."

"**I think mom just wanted me to feel accepted the way I was. I never really thought about removing them. Really other than swimming I could keep mine concealed easily. I can understand that having them so visible must be difficult for you and I want to do whatever it takes to make you more comfortable."**

"I'll think about it. Tonight I really don't want to dwell on it. I want to enjoy this lovely dinner with the man I love." I pull my sleeve back down and change the subject.

"What's the plan for Thanksgiving?"

"**I was thinking of flying the family to Aspen. Mom had discussed going for Christmas, but with Elliott and Kate getting married and your impending due date I thought maybe Thanksgiving was a better option."**

"I would love to go to Aspen. Too bad I won't be able to ski. I have always wanted to try it."

"**There will be plenty of chances to ski in the future. I think you will love it up there."**

"I'm sure it's lovely." By the end of the evening I had forgotten about my scars. A night that began with insecurity and uncertainty turned into a relaxing date and for a few hours I felt like the old me.

Aspen was everything he said it would be. We spent a week tucked away as a family, building memories that would last a lifetime. Family game night was quite humorous. Christian and Kate found themselves pitted against each other during what was supposed to be a friendly game of charades. Let's just say Elliott and I couldn't help but be amused at how competitive our significant others were. Mia did her best to keep the mood upbeat and carefree to no avail. By the end of the night I could swear world war 3 was going to erupt. I was able to distract Christian, convincing him I was exhausted and wanted him to see me to bed. I winked at Elliott as I walked up the stairs with Christian following still ranting about how Kate was a cheater. It was no surprise he hates losing, but I guess I would have never believed he would take a game so seriously. Now that Kate was going to be a Grey I may have to endure a lifetime of family holidays where her and Christian were at odds. As nerve racking as it was, I couldn't help but laugh. Life would never be boring with those two around. On the flight home I snuggled into Christian so thankful for the chance to escape for a family holiday.

"**Next time we are going by ourselves and christening every surface."**

I can see the glimmer in his eye knowing he is imagining every detail. "You don't think the mudroom, laundry room, every bathroom and master balcony was enough not to mention the bed several times."

"**You should know by now I will never get enough of you."**

"Touché, Mr. Grey." I kiss his cheek then lay my head on his shoulder and nap the rest of the trip.

Two weeks later I was walking down the aisle for Elliott and Kate's wedding. Everything was perfect, as I knew it would be. I was thankful that Kate chose to get married at her own parent's estate. At least I would still be the first to marry at Bellevue. Kate's brother Ethan was in attendance rather proud of his newest fling. He was in his 2nd year of Harvard and fancied himself quite the player. This girl seemed smitten and I almost felt sorry for her, knowing Ethan brought her just so he could save face with his parents who felt like it was time for him to take life more seriously. This was just the flavor of the month and she would probably be replaced shortly after they returned to Boston. As I made my way down the aisle I locked eyes with Christian. I had to mentally gather myself after seeing him. He smiled from ear to ear, his eyes soft, full of love. For a brief second I mourn the loss of my original wedding, but then remind myself that I will have my day and in less than a month I will have his baby. I smile back, hating that I can't just run to him, but have to stand with the other attendants feeling so much distance between us. I half listen to the ceremony. I never doubted that Kate would go all out traditional. I am sure after Elliott's speech at our engagement party Kate didn't want any Elliottisms making their way to her big day. Staring at Christian, I know that our wedding will be anything, but traditional. I want to write my own vows. I just don't think the standard vows do our love justice. We had written vows for our original wedding, but so much had changed since then. Our love was so much deeper and I needed vows that reflected all that we had come through. Once Kate and Elliott kissed I was finally able to be on Christian's arm as he walked me up the aisle.

"**You look so beautiful tonight."**

"I feel like a whale. I can't believe how swollen my feet are. They look like elephant hooves."

"**I guess it's a good thing Kate chose a floor length gown for her attendants."**

I punch his arm. "That's just mean."

"**I love your elephant feet and if you look like a whale I guess I am attracted to whales now. You are the most beautiful woman here and seeing your belly round with my child is such a turn on. Do you think we would be missed if we snuck off somewhere?"**

"You know we can't do that. We have to do pictures and you have to make a speech. Remember you are the best man."

"**Damn Elliott. Why didn't he take my advice and make dad his best man?" **

"I am sure he was just trying to punish you. He knows how you love giving heart felt public speeches and he just wants to see you squirm."

"**I'm going to kill him."**

"Christian I am just kidding. You're his brother. He loves you that is why he wanted you to be his best man."

"**I'm sure it's a little of both Ana. Elliott lives to see me squirm."**

After family pictures we follow Kate and Elliott back to the reception area for dinner. The attendants are all seated to either side of the happy couple. I rest my hand on Christian's thigh and he runs his fingers along my neck line. I would really love to take him up on his offer and find a private room to relieve my aching body. Just as dinner is served I feel a sharp pain in my back. I flinch and Christian's eyes are immediately on me.

"**What's wrong!" I could feel her entire body tense and her face looks like she is in pain.**

"Nothing, I'm fine. The baby just kicked me really hard."

"**Are you sure?"**

"Yes really. I'm fine. Let's eat. I'm starving." I know that will take his focus off of my current condition. I know I can't tell him that my back feels like someone is stabbing me with a dull instrument. I somehow finish my meal and then excuse myself to the restroom. Approaching the designated ladies room I run into Grace. The pain is still there, but it has dulled slightly.

"_Hi sweetie, you look so wonderful tonight. How are you feeling?"_

"Good…" before I can get out another word the pain hits again and seems to be more intense. I assume because I am standing. My knees buckle and Grace catches me before I fall to the floor.

"_Ana, are you okay?"_

"Yes, I am just having some pain. Probably just Braxton Hicks. The doctor mentioned this was a possibility the closer I get to my due date."

"_How many weeks are you again?"_

"Almost 38, I still have a little over 2 weeks to go."

"_Just pay attention to the pain. Technically you are full term at 37 weeks and the baby could come any day. Just don't assume that it is nothing. If you keep having regular pains it may be a good idea to go in and get checked out."_

"Okay, I promise I will. Thanks Grace."

I walk into the bathroom and just as I am sitting down I feel a whoosh. It feels as if I have peed myself, but I don't feel any pressure or relief in my bladder. I wipe, flush, wash my hands and head back to the table. Before I can get there I feel another pain this time in my back and spreading toward my stomach. I stand still and close my eyes controlling my breathing. It passes and I open my eyes to the intense stare of one Christian Grey. He looks panicked. I smile and leisurely stroll toward him. I sit and the questions begin.

"**Ana don't lie to me. What is going on?"**

"Christian I'm fine, it's just a few pains in my back."

"**We need to go to the hospital and make sure everything is okay."**

"Stop worrying so much I talked to your mom already so no need to rush to the ER."

"**If they get worse we are going. I mean it Ana. I don't want to risk something bad happening."**

"Okay, if it gets worse we'll go."

Christian rises to make his speech. He does a wonderful job. Elliott even smiles widely at Christian's reminiscing over childhood memories. I bet they were the cutest and most frustrating little boys on the block. Grace has the patience of a saint. As he sits back down another one shoots through my body. I try really hard to keep my face impassive. This one is intense and I feel my eyes swell with tears. I have to admit at this point I am questioning whether I should go to the hospital.

"**Ana we are going. NOW!"**

"Not yet. Let me talk to your mom again. This is Kate's day and I don't want to cause a scene. If your mom thinks I should go then we can leave quietly. I'll get up and find your mom. Wait 5 minutes and then meet me in the living room."

"**I really think we should just go, but I'll do as you ask for Kate and Elliott's sake."**

"Thank you." I kiss him on the cheek then head to Grace's table. I am careful not to give details just ask her to talk with me in the living room. After describing the increasing intensity of the pains she asks if my water has broken. I explain my weird sensation in the bathroom.

"_Ana I think it would be wise to go to the hospital. It sounds like you are in active labor and I am almost certain that what you experienced in the bathroom was your water breaking."_

"Can you please make sure Kate knows what is going on before she leaves? I don't want to take away from her night and there is no telling how long I will be in labor."

"_I understand sweetie. I will talk to Kate. Make sure Christian keeps us in the loop. We will wait to hear from him before heading that way."_

"Thanks Grace." I hug her. Turning to see Christian coming through the doorway.

I smile and say, "Looks like we may be having a baby tonight." The color drains from his face and his eyes go wide.

"**It's too soon. Isn't it? You don't think something is wrong with the baby do you?"**

"_Christian. Calm down. Ana is almost 38 weeks and technically full term. I am sure the baby is fine he is just ready to meet his parents."_

Christian's face changes into a silly grin. I can't help but smile knowing he is as eager as I am to meet our baby boy.

"**I'm going to meet my son tonight?" Ana nods her head yes and I can't help but feel a rush of excitement. I give my mom a bear hug before leading Ana to the waiting SUV. Taylor drives us straight to the hospital. Ana has 3 more pains on the way. I hate seeing her hurt and I hope it won't last much longer. A nurse leads us to the suite I had reserved and had remodeled for the birth. Ana just rolls her eyes no doubt annoyed with the special treatment. She will just have to deal with it. I will only accept the best care for the mother of my child. I sit beside her bed holding her hand. After she is hooked up to several machines and checked the nurse confirms that she is in labor. **

**I look deep into Ana's eyes whispering, "I love you so much baby. We get to meet our baby boy tonight." I keep repeating in my head with a goofy grin plastered on my face that tonight is the night I become a dad. I'm going to be a father and I couldn't be happier. **


	134. Chapter 134

Thanks for the reviews. Let's welcome Teddy! I hope I did it justice. Happy Reading.

Chapter 134

_"Ana you are dilated to a 5 and 90% effaced. If you are wanting an epidural now is the time." Dr. Greene explains._

I see the question in Christian's face. He hates seeing me in any kind of pain. I decided early on that I didn't want any medication. I want to feel every second of bringing our son into the world.

"No thank you. I want to do this drug free."

_"Okay. I will be back in about an hour to check on you. In the meantime just keep breathing through those contractions. It won't be long now."_

Dr. Greene leaves my suite just as another contraction hits. I grit my teeth and squeeze Christian's hand trying to remember to breath. It lasts a little over 2 minutes and then subsides. It is now 2 am and I have been in active labor for 7 hours. After 3 more hours and several checks I am finally fully dilated and effaced. The contractions are getting closer together and several times Christian has wanted me to change my mind about the epidural. Every time I remind him that time has come and gone.

**"You are doing so good baby. I am so proud of you Ana."**

_"Ana when you feel the urge to push let me know."_

Just as a strong and excruciating contraction hits I feel the urge to punch Christian in the face. He gets to sit there all positive while I feel like my insides are being ripped out.

**"Breath baby. You can do this, just breath."**

"Would you stop it with the baby? I know I can do it, but every time I hear baby come out of your mouth I just want to punch you in the throat." His eyes grow wide and I can tell he is shocked at my outburst. "Don't look at me that way. You did this to me and now you get to sit there pain free while I push a watermelon through a garden hose."

_"Just be patient Christian. Transition is very painful and it is not unusual for a woman to lash out especially at the father. She will be back to her old self in no time."_

"God I hope so. I just want him out already." Christian stays quiet. Instead he rubs my hair and kisses my forehead. On the next contraction I feel the need to push. Dr. Greene counts as I push as hard as I can with the contraction. Christian holds my hand and counts too. When it passes I rest for a minute knowing that another one is on the way. It hits and I bare down pushing with everything I have. I just need to get him out so the pain will stop.

_"Ana you're doing great. I can see a head full of dark hair. Just a few more pushes."_

Christian leans down to see the baby crowning.

**"I can see him baby. He has thick dark hair. You are so close."**

With the next push his head is completely out. Christian has tears in his eyes and I just want to hold my baby. The pain is very intense, but more manageable knowing I am almost done.

_"Ana, listen. This will be the worst of it. Once his shoulders are out it will be smooth sailing. So on the next contraction I want you to give me all you have."_

"I'm so tired. I don't think I can."

_"Yes you can. Concentrate on your desire to meet your son."_

I begin to push. I can vaguely hear Christian's words of encouragement and Dr. Greene's counting. I am focusing on finally seeing his beautiful face and holding him in my arms. Once his shoulders are out I push 2 more times and he is finally here.

_"Congratulations you have a beautiful baby boy!"_

Dr. Greene places him on my chest. He is covered in white and red mucus, but I don't care. He is stunning. This is what love at first sight feels like. I know at this moment that he will have a part of my heart that no one else can touch. His lungs are strong and the half quack, half cry is music to my ears. I look up at Christian. We both have matching smiles.

"We did it. I love you so much. Thank you for this beautiful boy."

**"You did it. This was all you. I got to do the fun part, but you sheltered him and brought him into the world. Thank you. I feel so much more love for you both than I ever expected." **

Dr. Greene interrupts our love fest.

_"Would you like to cut the cord?" She says to Christian._

Once the cord is cut they take the baby and quickly weigh, measure and clean him before wrapping him in a blanket and placing him back in my arms. I just sit a stare at him in disbelief.

"I can't believe is mine. He's so perfect." I play with his fingers already noticing they are long and thin like Christian's. "Looks like we have another pianist in the family." Once Dr. Greene has me sufficiently cleaned up we are left alone with our son. We get about an hour before the family can't stand it any longer. Grace and Carrick come in first, followed by Mia. I am surprised to see Kate and Elliott. My dad brings up the rear. As soon as everyone is in the room I hand the baby to Christian who kisses his forehead before announcing the details of his birth.

**"I am honored to introduce you all to our son Theodore Raymond Grey. He was born at 6:13 am this morning weighing 7 lbs 6oz. I would also like to brag on his mother, my love who delivered completely drug free much to my distress."**

I hear Kate gasp before saying, _"No way Steele you're a bad ass. I'm asking for every drug available when I have kids."_

"It really wasn't that bad." Christian gives me a sideways glance. "Okay it was painful, extremely painful but just look at that beautiful little boy. I would do it again in a heartbeat to have him as my reward."

My dad comes to the forefront asking to be the first to hold Teddy.

_"You did good Annie. He is very handsome and he has a pretty good name too." He teases me._

"Thanks Dad."

Everyone gets their turn at holding Teddy. Christian crawls in bed with me and we hold each other both thankful to be surrounded with such a wonderful and loving family. I hate that my mom couldn't be here. She decided to keep her original flight and come out in 3 days. I know I will appreciate the help for the first few weeks. Everyone leaves except Grace who is actually on shift. She sticks around a little longer to get extra cuddle time with her first grandbaby.

_"He is perfect. You two make beautiful babies."_

I drift off just after Grace departs. I wake up some time later to Christian's voice. I turn my head in the direction of the sound. I keep my eyes semi-closed to not draw his attention.

**_I hope you always know how much I love you. I never thought I wanted to be a dad, but now that I have you I can't imagine my life without you. Your momma is the most amazing woman. We are both lucky to have her. You are a product of a once in a lifetime love. I hope one day you will find what we have. I will never let anyone hurt you Teddy. You are going to have the best life. I am going to make sure of that. There will be no spoiling though. I love you too much to make you rotten. I know I will mess up many times in your life. I pray you will forgive me. I am a flawed man, but just know that everything I do is done with good intentions. I love you little man._**

He cuddles Teddy tight, playing with his fingers. I feel a tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek. I know he is going to be a great father. Together we are going to have a long happy life full of children and absolute joy. I sniff, drawing Christian's attention.

**"Did you sleep good baby?"**

"I did. Thank you." He places Teddy in my arms and slides into the bed beside me.

**"I know I've told you a million times Ana, but I just hope you know how thankful I am for both of you. You have given me so much in such a short time."**

"We are going to have a wonderful life Christian and this is just the beginning."

**I caress her hair and kiss her forehead closing my eyes. She is right this is only the beginning of a great life, a life I never thought possible. Yet here I sit with a heart full of love holding the two loves of my life. Just the beginning…**


	135. Chapter 135

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Christian was pretty touching with Teddy. I tried to make labor as realistic as possible. We all know that when you are in that much pain you lash out. Sorry I have not updated recently. I have had company from out of town have tended to neglect my writing. Welcome to the newest followers. I love reviews and even ideas. Especially at this point in the story. Sorry for any errors I didn't have time to proof it. Happy Reading! **

Chapter 135

After 24 hours in the hospital I'm released. I won't miss the nurse coming in every other hour to push on my stomach encouraging my uterus to shrink back to its original form. Funny they don't tell you all the negatives of giving birth. Granted it's all worth it when you are holding your precious baby. After securing Teddy into the car seat carrier we exit the rear of the hospital where Taylor is waiting so we can avoid the paparazzi hovering in hopes to be the first to score a picture of the heir to the Grey fortune. Christian and I agree that we would like to keep Teddy out of the public eye especially since we still don't know who the mystery woman is that was going to take Teddy as her own. We ride virtually silent the entire way to Escala. We just stare at our beautiful baby boy in awe. My chest swells with love for this little man.

Our first night at home is wonderful. Christian and I keep Teddy in our room in his bassinet. Gail made sure to have everything set up before we left the hospital. For every feeding Christian brings me Teddy, sits up with me as I feed and places him back in his bed once he changed and content. I love that he wants to be involved in our nighttime routine.

"You know you don't have to get up every time. I don't want you getting sleep deprived." I say to Christian.

**"If you have to get up then so do I. We are in this together. I don't want to miss a single moment."**

"You know eventually you will have to go back to the office and you will need your sleep."

**"I spent my entire life functioning on very little sleep I am sure I will survive."**

I decide not to argue. The next day Grace stops in to check on everyone. She holds Teddy for a couple of hours allowing Christian and I to get a quick nap. He wraps me in his arms and I fall sound asleep almost immediately. I love the comfort of his embrace. I feel safe and secure. Grace softly knocks on the door and we both sit straight up. Christian lets her in.

_"I'm sorry sweetheart, but he really wants his momma. I held him off as long as possible to let you get more rest, but he is ready eat." Grace places Teddy in my arms. _

I wait for her and Christian to leave the room before exposing myself. He latches on sending a sharp pain through my body. My nipples are beyond sore. As natural and beautiful as nursing is, it can actually be quite painful. I finish up, burping and changing Teddy before joining them in the living room.

_"How are you feeling Ana?" Grace asks._

"Really good actually, maybe a little tired."

_"How is the nursing going?" She continues._

"It's good. Teddy seems to be a good eater. I'm a little sore."

_"Do you have any ointment for your nipples?"_

"No I guess I wasn't expecting them to hurt so much."

_"I will get you some today while I am out. Just rub it on after every feeding and it should help. Make sure and let me know if they get cracked or bleed. We will want to make sure you don't get an infection. It can make nursing unbearable."_

"Thanks Grace. I don't know what I would do without you."

_"You would do just fine. You're a smart girl, but it is my pleasure to be able to make the transition a little easier for you."_

We eat lunch together and Grace leaves us promising to drop back by with the ointment. We settle in and spend the rest of the day lounging around observing our son. How could something so small have such a big part of your heart?

**"Can you believe how perfect he is?"**

"I was worried. I know the doctor said he was fine, but after so many months of trauma I wasn't certain. He is truly a miracle."

**"I know. I don't know what I did to deserve all of this but I can only hope my good luck continues."**

"This has nothing to do with luck. He is a beautiful reminder of how perfect our love can be even when we think we don't deserve it or are afraid it won't last. I look at him and all that he came through and I know we can survive anything. I love you Christian! I love that we are more now than just the two of us. We are a family."

**A family… I have a family of my very own. I never saw this as even a possibility before Ana. Now all I can think of is the wonderful life that lies before us. **

**"I love you too, baby!" **

**The next morning I let Ana and Teddy sleep. I move to the office and answer a few emails. Taylor is picking up Carla from the airport this afternoon. Ana seemed to take it well when I suggested that she not meet her mom at the airport, if anything positive has come from her captivity it is her understanding of why I am so obsessed with keeping her safe. It doesn't take much time to complete my task so I go back to check on my family. I can't help but smile when I open the door and they are both still sleeping soundly. I carefully close the door and turn to go. Suddenly I am struck with an idea. I go to the playroom and sit on the bed that Ana picked out before her trip to New York. I can't imagine her ever wanting to step foot in this room again. After Yates I will willingly give up my desire to share the lifestyle with her. Maybe it could still be a playroom in a different sense. Teddy will need a space of his own as he grows into a toddler. **

"What are you doing in here?" I say seeing Christian in the playroom. I walk to join him on the bed. I hadn't realized that it had been delivered while I was gone. It is a gorgeous piece of furniture. Christian kisses my cheek.

**"Did you sleep good?"**

"I did, thank you. Teddy is still sleeping soundly. I noticed that the door was cracked and was surprised to see you in here."

**"I was just thinking about remodeling it."**

"What did you have in mind?"

**"Honestly, a playroom for Teddy. It would be a great space for him."**

"I was just thinking that I would like to start building on our property as soon as possible."

**"I think that's a great idea, let's talk to Elliott when he gets back."**

I nod in agreement. "I don't want to change this room Christian. I love this bed and I want to keep it for its intended use."

**"I can't ask you to do that Ana. The thought of bringing back memories and hurting you kills me." I bury my head in my hands. Even tying her up makes me sick at my stomach. **

"Christian look at me." He raises his eyes to meet mine. The pain in them in evident. "What if I was the one asking you?"

**"What do you mean?"**

"I want my life back, the life before Yates. I want to be able to play with you in this room. I need you to help me replace the pain with pleasure."

**"Are you sure? I don't need this Ana, all I need is you. Please tell me you aren't doing this to make me happy?"**

"I can honestly say that this has nothing to do with making you happy. I want you happy, of course, but this is for me. I need this to heal me. I want to be able to have you tie me up again. I loved that and I want to love it again. I don't know exactly when I will be ready to experiment with this theory, but I know I want to and I need you to be completely on board."

**"You know I will do anything to make you happy and if for any reason you change your mind I will understand."**

"Thank you. I love this bed. It really is amazing."

**"You're Amazing. Let's go check on Teddy. I'm going through withdraws."**

I just laugh and admit, "me too."

Later in the day, my mom arrives. I get her settled in the guest room and then take her to meet her grandson. The look on her face is priceless.

_"Oh Ana, he is so precious. I don't think I have ever seen a prettier baby."_

"He is pretty spectacular, but I'm partial." I want to say…Um yeah haven't you met the sex god that is his father. Was there ever any doubt his offspring would be as stunning as him. Mom enjoys her time cuddling and cooing. After dinner she helps me bathe him and put his sleeper on before feeding and putting him down in his bassinet. Mom is exhausted and leaves Christian and I to ourselves for the remainder of the evening. We cuddle on the couch and talk about our dreams for the house.

**"Tell me what you want in our house."**

"I really don't want a mansion. I want it to feel cozy and warm. I just want a place big enough to accommodate our family for overnight stays without feeling cramped. I also want a home for Gail and Jason so Sophie can visit for longer periods."

**"I think you are forgetting how big our family is. To do accommodate them all and your parents we will need at least 6 bedrooms. Most would consider that a mansion."**

"I know it is going to have to be big, but I want it to have character. I don't want to drive up and think wow it's huge. I want to think wow that's home."

**"Tomorrow we should look online and get an idea of the style of home you like best. Then Elliott can hook us up with the best architect."**

"That sounds like a good plan. I can't believe we are actually going to do this. I want to make sure you love the house too."

**"I will love anything you choose."**

Just as he completes his sentence Teddy screams out. "Time to get him fed."

**"Let me get him."**

"Actually I was thinking I could just nurse him in bed. I am getting tired."

**"What if you feed him while I run us a bath? I really want to have you close to me."**

I pick up Teddy and get settled. Christian kisses us both on the forehead before going to prepare our bath. Once Teddy is full and swaddled tightly I lay him back in his bed and join Christian. I purposely don't look at myself in mirror. My once flat and firm stomach is now made of mush.

**"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."**

"I feel so fat and jiggly." I say pointing to my stomach.

**"Baby you gave birth 3 days ago. You're body was stretched to maximum capacity. It is going to take time for it to regain its normal shape. Even if it never does you will still be perfect to me. So please stop obsessing and join me."**

I know he is right. I can't expect things to happen overnight. It's just hard to see Christian and his perfect physique and not feel a little self-conscious. We soak for a while. Christian washes my back and massages my shoulders. This bath is just what I needed. My lady parts are thanking me for the soak. Once I am fully relaxed I convince Christian to take me to bed. In a little over 5 weeks it will be for altogether different reasons, tonight I merely want sleep.

We go to the Grey's for Christmas and everyone gushes over Teddy. We had to bring a separate car just for his gifts. Christian and I agree that Teddy was the only gift we needed. Neither of us had a chance to go all out this Christmas. Of course he never sticks to the plan and instead he surprises me with stunning solitaire earrings. I kiss him, but then whisper in his ear about how much trouble he is in.

**"You know I had to get you something."**

"We agreed! I didn't get you anything and now I feel bad."

**"I have a family Ana. It is our first Christmas as a family. I don't think any gift could top that."**

"Fine, but I'm still mad at you."

The next day my mom leaves. I enjoy having her, but I am also just as glad to see her go. My mom can be a little overwhelming at times. Since my abduction she tends to hover a little too much. She seems to think I am in such a fragile state that I need constant attention. What she doesn't realize that if I became anything in those 5 months it was stronger. I make her promise to call me when she is home safe. We embrace and Taylor escorts her to the airport. I look to Christian after the door closes and let out a sigh.

"She was driving me insane. I know she means well, but she is 100 times worse than you and we all know how obsessed you can get with my well -being."

**"She just worries about you. She extremely distressed when you were gone. I can't believe I am defending your mom, but she means well."**

"Who are you and what have you done with the man I love?"

He just walks away with a smirk on his face. The next 2 weeks we get in a routine. Teddy is a great sleeper and is now only getting up once in the middle of the night to eat. I feel more rested and am slowly feeling like my old self. Christian goes into the office occasionally, but usually for only half a day. He can't stand to be away from us for too long. Teddy gets his first shots at his 1 month check-up. I think Christian and I were more upset than he was. As my 6 week check-up creeps closer, I begin to get nervous. I am beyond ready to be intimate with him, but I am a little afraid that my body won't be ready. I have Luke drive me to meet Christian at the office so he can attend my appointment too. We take the elevator ride up to his office. Andrea goes crazy over Teddy. I gladly hand him over so she can enjoy some cuddles. This is my first visit to GEH since his birth and he is quite popular. Christian opens his office door and a woman exits. I immediately recognize her and am trying not to let my imagination run wild. Then she speaks and everything goes black.


	136. Chapter 136

As usual thanks for all the responses to the last chapter. I hope this one meets everyone's expectations. If I didn't respond to your review personally please know I love hearing from each and everyone of you. We will see how this new development is going to play out. I am still up in the air about the details so any ideas are appreciated. Sorry for errors I was trying to please all of you by getting it out fast.

Chapter 136

**"Ana! Ana! Baby wake up." **

I open my eyes slowly. I am in Christian's arms. We are both on the floor in front of Andrea's desk. My first thoughts are of Teddy.

"Where is Teddy? Who has my baby?" I frantically try to get up and find him, but Christian holds me tight.

**"Andrea has him baby. He is fine. It is you I am worried about."**

"Bring him to me. I want to hold him now! I need him. Please Christian!" I am begging. My first priority is to make sure he is safe in my arms. I am not taking any chances. If that woman got her hands on my child I would lose my mind.

_"Here you go Ana," Andrea says placing Teddy in my arms. _

I hold him tight kissing his little face and rocking him back and forth. Christian helps me up from the floor and escorts me into his office. I never take my eyes off of Teddy. He is safe and that is all that matters right now. I feel Christian's hand on my lower back guiding me to the couch. I voluntarily sit, barely noticing as he sits beside me.

**"Ana, look at me."**

I glance up and see the worry all over his face and I am forced back into this reality.

**"What happened? Why did you black out and why are you so worried about Teddy?" I have never seen her this way. She seems to be in some kind of bubble with our son. **

"What was she doing here?" I glare at him. She has no right to come anywhere near my family. I want to know what she has up her sleeve.

**"I'm sorry. I was trying to get her out of here before you arrived. She has been hounding me for weeks to talk to her about some charity for abused children that she is working with. She showed up here about an hour ago unannounced and I thought if I gave her 10 minutes she would be satisfied."**

"Charity for abused children? That was her angle? She is sicker than I ever imagined."

**"What are you talking about? Why is her involvement with this charity so disturbing to you? You know as well as I do that she just wanted me to write a big fat check to make her look good?"**

"She wants more than your money, Christian." I want so badly just to blurt out the truth, but the words have escaped me. It is almost like if I say it then all of the horrors will return and I have moved on. I don't want to revisit that place. I know I will have to. Until I know what her plan is no one I love is safe.

**"Ana, she has no interest in me. We ended our agreement amicably. Plus I made is perfectly clear that you and Teddy are my life."**

"Damn it Christian! She is the one!"

**"The one? You need to be more specific."**

I can feel the bile rise in my throat. My hands begin to shake. I hold on to Teddy like a lifeline. He got me through all those months. I close my eyes tight and will the words from my brain to voice themselves. "She took me from you. She helped Yates and was going to let him kill me and then take our child as her own." The tears start falling. I release a sob. The memories flood and no matter how hard I try to stop them I now see her face matched up with the voice I swore to never forget. How could she do it? Why? Christian said that they ended things on good terms. She had moved on…

**"Oh my God! You're sure?"**

"Yes Christian. I will never forget that voice. I have played in through my head a million times. It haunts my dreams. It's her, it's Leila."

**Her words hit me like a bulldozer. My chest constricts. Why? I thought we ended on good terms. I haven't even heard from her since the day she left Escala to go back east and get married. I pull out my cell. She has to be stopped. I can only hope she is still in the building. It is a slim chance, but now that I know Leila was behind the plot to take Ana and Teddy away from me she will not get away with it. I will hunt her down using every last resource that money can buy.**

**"Welch, Grey. I need you to alert security to apprehend Leila Williams before she can leave the building. Also pull all surveillance from the last 2 hours. Then find out everything about her life over the last 2 years. No, that will be all for now." I hang up and then dial Taylor. "Jason I need you and Luke in here immediately."**

**I move to Ana wrapping my arm around her and pulling her into my body. She is shaking and still crying, but she is silent, too silent. She is holding on to Teddy so tight I am fearful she may unintentionally hurt him. I don't think I can convince her to let go so I will just have to see if I can get her to relax her grip a little. I begin stroking her hair and whispering softly in her ear. **

**"I love you Ana. You are safe. I promise I will keep you both safe. No one is ever going to hurt you again." I hear the door open, but I don't turn my head. Instead I place one finger in the air to signal 'just a minute' and continue to assure Ana of my love and devotion. I kiss her hairline softly and finally her body relaxes. Her back melts into my chest and her arms loosen their grip on Teddy. I hold her until I am sure she is out of her trance, motioning Luke and Taylor to come closer. Keeping my voice low and steady as to not startle her I explain the situation. Ana tenses when I say her name and I stop my explanation to comfort her once again. Taylor assures me that no further explanation is needed and he will see to it that she is found. As to what I am going to do with her once they have her I haven't determined. Right now all I care about is getting home with my two loves. I am able to guide Ana out of the office and into the elevator. Luke drives us both home. I send Andrea an email to reschedule Ana's appointment for tomorrow. Once home Teddy is beyond ready to eat. Ana is still not speaking, but is obviously in less distress than earlier. I help her get settled into our bed. She lets instinct take over and prepares to feed Teddy. I sit on the end of the bed and listen as she comforts him.**

"Don't you worry sweet boy. No one will ever hurt you. I protected you with my body all those months and now I will die before anyone gets their hands on you or your daddy."

**My heart is breaking. How could this woman be willing to die for me? Teddy I understand, but me never. I am the reason she is in so much pain. Her life has been nothing but turmoil and pain since she met me. My past has all but destroyed her and here she sits willing to die to protect me. I refuse to let anyone else hurt her. Over my dead body will any more harm come to my family. They have been through enough. This ends now! **

**I leave Ana feeding Teddy. I hang up with Welch, only more frustrated. Leila escaped and she is currently in the wind. He has his best people tracking her down. I should be getting an email soon about her activities over the last 2 years. I am hoping this will shed some light on why she would chose to harm Ana. In the mean time I brief Taylor and Luke on the need for extra security. Until we know how far Leila is willing to go Ana will have to remain here where I can keep her safe. After everything is set into motion I go back to check on her. I find her cuddled up in the bed with Teddy sound asleep. I leave her to rest. When the email finally arrives I sit down and go to work. Welch has flagged some of the items. I immediately notice that every city that Ana flew into, Leila flew out of, her destination always JFK. I can feel my anger rising. She made me believe she was Ana all those months. Sending me on a wild goose chase while Yates was torturing Ana in his apartment not 5 minutes form my own. I go further back to the time just after our contract ended. She never married. I wonder if it was all a lie. Ana mentioned after seeing the videos that she felt like Leila was in love with me. Was there ever a fiancé or was she just trying to escape me with her dignity intact. I can only assume the latter. She seems to have led a normal life up until she flew to Seattle around the time of Elena's funeral. Nothing seems out of place or unusual. I recall Yates saying he had a relationship with someone he met at a BDSM club and this was the woman that helped him abduct Ana. I wonder if Yates brainwashed her with his severe hatred of me, or did she willingly volunteer hoping to ruin my happiness with Ana. There is only one way to get the answers that I want. I have to find Leila. I shut down my computer. My mind is reeling, trying to fit all the pieces together. **

**I call Andrea and ask her to have Dr. Greene to come to Escala for Ana's check-up tomorrow. Then I have her clear my calendar for the remainder of the week. I will be working at home until further notice. Meetings in the office will have to be handled by Ros. Once GEH is lined out I check on Ana again. I find the bed empty when I open the door. Panic rips through my body. I walk to the bassinet, relieved to see Teddy sleeping. I hear noise in the bathroom so I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for her to appear. The door opens and I can't help but smile at how utterly beautiful she looks with crazy hair and sleepy eyes.**

**"Come see me baby." I say stretching out my hand. She wastes no time moving in my direction. I pull her close allowing my head to rest on her bosom as my arms wrap around her waist and my hands rest on her rear. I can feel her hands run through my hair. I hold onto her for dear life. I finally release her and stand. Cupping her face in my hands I kiss her passionately. I want so badly to lose myself in her and make us both forget the drama of the day. I know I can't, not until the doctor releases her. The kiss will have to do for now. I force my lips away resting my forehead on hers. I am met by a sea of blue. Her eyes have always had the most hypnotic effect over me. **

**"I love you so much Ana. Please forgive me."**

His words are troubled. I can't imagine why he thinks he needs forgiveness. "I love you too, but there is nothing to forgive."

**"I should have let you go…the first time I hurt you. I should have let you remember me as nothing, but an ass. You deserve to be happy, to be with someone that doesn't have such a fucked up past full of people that want to hurt you."**

"Stop!" I kiss his lips softly. "You are the only one I want. This isn't your fault Christian. Granted you have a tendency to attract some real crazies. You are just as much a victim in this as I am."

**"How can you say that? You wouldn't have these," I say rubbing her wrists. "or these," I softly rub her back, "if I would have just been less selfish and let you live a life free of me."**

"Sure I may not have these scars, but I also wouldn't be guaranteed happiness or a love as deep as the one we share. But more importantly I wouldn't have Teddy. He is as much a part of you as me and I don't ever want to imagine a life without either of you. So stop blaming yourself. I could have walked away anytime, but I didn't I chose you and took the risk of being hurt whether by you or others. I would do it all again if it lead me back to you."

**"Why?"**

"In the words of one my favorite authors 'Whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same.' Emily Bronte must have understood a love like ours." I look deep into his eyes, trying to speak directly to his soul, to show him that we are eternally connected and no matter what life throws our way we will face it together. "I don't know what life has in store for us. I do know that I would rather face a life of uncertainty with you than one with guaranteed bliss everyday with anyone else."

**"I don't deserve you."**

"You deserve to be loved and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know exactly how deep my love for you is. Now no more talk of what if's. I would really like you to make love to me and help me forget all the bad."

**"We can't you haven't been released yet."**

"It's been 6 weeks. I know my body and it says it is ready to feel like a woman again. So are you going to give it what it wants or am I going to have to take it from you?"

**"We aim to please, Miss Steele." I stand and undress us both then start the healing process.**


	137. Chapter 137

**I love that I am still getting followers and favorites. Thanks for reading. I have been really busy this week and am now preparing for tax day April 15th so I probably won't be able to post again before Wednesday. Sorry! I have written 4 chapters of my original book and am still debating posting on fanfiction. Tell me what you think I should do. It is written in first person, but from one point of view and I now have a better understanding of writing dialogue and I think it is coming along great. I hope you like this chapter - the next one is going to be difficult to write so I wanted to have a little more love before the shit hits the fan. Thanks as always to your regular reviews. I love you all and you make it all worthwhile. **

Chapter 137

"Have you heard anything?" I ask Christian when he comes home from work.

**"Nothing yet." **

"It's been 3 weeks. How could she have just disappeared?"

**"I don't know. I have the best on it. I am sure she will turn up. She can't hide forever."**

"Do you think she may be impersonating me again?"

**Shit! Fuck! Damn! Why hadn't that dawned on me? She could have easily opened an account in Ana's name. She had become her for 5 months and surely knew all of the necessary information to open new accounts. I call Welch and explain that I want him to pull everything on Ana dating back to October when she escaped. He is confused at first, but quickly sees my line of thinking.**

_"Genius sir!" He says._

**"I can't take credit, this is all Ana." I smile and she smiles back. "Call me when you get a hit."**

**I hang up and wrap my clever woman in my arms planting a desperate kiss on her mouth.**

**"I hate being away from you. Did you have a good day?"**

"I did. Teddy is smiling and cooing all the time. I do hate that you couldn't be here to enjoy it."

**"I'm here now. Where is my son, anyway?"**

"He's napping." He kisses me again and I mentally calculate if we have time to fool around. Yes, an hour should suffice. "I need you."

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist kissing and nibbling his neck. He is going toward our bedroom but I have another idea.

"No. I want to play." Over the last few weeks we were able to finish the playroom and even ordered items that I felt comfortable trying. I have to admit that I have been dying to give myself to him.

**"Are you sure you're ready?"**

"Please, I want this. I need it. I have been thinking about it a lot lately." He smiles and carries me to the playroom.

**"Ana we have talked about this, but I want to remind you that you are in control in this room. I may be the Dom, but I will never do anything that we have not discussed or approved. Also, there will be no safe words. You say stop one time and that is it. I will not push your limits until we agree that you are ready." **

I can see the concern in his eyes. "I understand and I want to this. Now stop worrying, I know my limits and I will tell you if I can't handle it." He kisses me once more in a soft, tender and passionate way then he sets me down and when our eyes meet I know he is fully into character. His grey eyes are dark and full of lust.

**"Get undressed. Leave on your panties and kneel by the bed with your hands on your thighs."**

I am almost giddy. I strip quickly and do as I am told. I don't look up, but can hear Christian going through the drawers. I am wet with anticipation.

**"Anastasia, stand up but keep your head down."**

I do as I am told. I desperately want to touch him, but I know I have to wait for permission. He braids my hair securing it with a tie.

**"You may look at me."**

I raise my eyes to meet his and for a split second I see a love so deep it can't be put into words. I know he is reassuring me that I am safe. I don't smile even as my heart blooms wanting this even more.

**"Lie on the bed on your back with your arms above your head and legs spread wide."**

I do as I am told my body shaking, full of anticipation. He straps my hands into the cuffs, but stops before moving to my legs.

**"Ana are you okay? Is it too tight?" I am concerned with how she may be feeling now that I have her hands bound. I am reassured when she smiles saying, **"Great sir." **I move to her legs securing them.**

**"I am going to blindfold you now. Okay?"**

"Yes sir." He slides the satin blindfold over my eyes. The music in the background is calming my nerves. The blackness is a little intimidating, but I take deep breaths concentrating on hearing Christian's breathing.

**I can tell that she is a little uncomfortable with the blindfold. I want to take it all off and cradle her in my arms, but she hasn't said stop so I continue only after whispering in her ear. **

**"You are so beautiful baby. I love you so much." She doesn't say anything but her body visibly relaxes. "I am going to touch you, I won't hurt you. Do you understand?"**

"Yes Sir." I feel his hands run down my torso and over my legs leaving chills mixed with fire in their wake. I hear him growl before nibbling gently on my breasts. I fight the urge to moan. He hasn't given me permission to make any noise. Suddenly I don't feel or hear him and my body is cold and lonely. Luckily, before I have too much time to think about it he kisses my neck. I gasp when it sends a bolt straight between my legs. I can feel him attaching something to my nipples.

**"Too tight?"**

"Perfect." The nipple clamps that we chose together. The pressure is so erotic. Then I can feel his hands once again running down my body before ripping away my panties. Then before I can even think his mouth is between my legs, sucking, licking, and nipping. My body is fighting the restraints wanting so badly to run my fingers through his thick hair. He reaches up and simultaneously tugs at the chain connecting the clamps on my nipples sending a sharp pain followed by pure pleasure through my body.

**"Be still Anastasia." I scold her and she stills. I continue with my mouth slipping in a vibrator made to hit her G-spot. I feel her body tensing and I know she is close. I take her a little further before tugging once more on the chain attached to her nipples. It is just enough to send her over the edge, and I continue massaging her clit with my tongue while the vibrator hits its target. Her body is bucking against my mouth, but she isn't making a sound. I look up to see her teeth clamped down so tightly on her bottom lip I am sure she will draw blood. Realizing she is waiting for permission I give it to her. "I want to hear you baby." **

His words allow me to finally release a loud guttural moan mixed with yes, please, thank you and other words that blend together forming some foreign language of passion. I have to admit having vocal and visual restrictions made the intensity so much greater. It feels like it will never end and I don't even notice that Christian has released my hands and feet until my body relaxes. I don't feel Christian near so I reach up and remove the blindfold. He is sitting between my legs on his knees with a look of satisfaction. I whisper, "thank you" giving him a small smile.

**"Come here baby. I want to feel your hands on me."**

He doesn't have to ask twice. As wonderful as I feel, I have a desperate need to be close to him. I rise sitting in an identical position with our knees touching. I reach out and softly touch his chest running my hands down his arms and back to his shoulders before moving them to his back. I can feel the chills on his skin as his eyes close and his head falls back. I rise up kissing his exposed neck. He sighs loudly his hands sliding around my waist to pull me closer. I let my body speak for me keeping my kisses soft. I wrap my hands around his neck and my legs around his waist still kissing and gently sucking his bottom lip. He doesn't rush me obviously enjoying the intimacy between us. As I slide down allowing him to enter me I moan from the perfect feeling of being filled completely with him. He rises on his knees and lays me on my back never breaking the bond. Once on top his eyes lock on mine and he moves his hips slowly. I can't help but remember when he told me that he only fucked and fucked hard. This is the furthest thing from fucking, we are making love. We have done this so many times, but this is different. We are in the playroom, once his sanctuary allowing him complete control. He is giving himself to me just as I had a few minutes ago. This meant more to me than if he had let me dominate him. I have his soul, we are intertwined. This room no longer intimidates me. Tonight it has become new, holy healing any doubts or fears we are holding onto. We come together each saying the other's name and it is perfect, this is heaven.

**I could lay here forever just holding Ana. She trusted me, when she had justifiable reasons to resist. The fact that she willingly gave me complete control inspired me to remind her that she too opened my world to things I never thought possible. In this way we are perfectly suited. I can bring her unimaginable pleasure while she shows me the power of love. She has taught me that 'all the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.' (St. Francis of Assisi)**

Our bliss is interrupted when Teddy's crying comes through the baby monitor. "I better go. He is probably hungry." I say rising from the bed to find my clothes.

**"Let me get him. I haven't seen him all day and I'll bring him to the living room so you can feed him after I have changed and cuddled a little." **

I can't deny him. I have indulged all day while he was dealing with spreadsheets and conference calls. I agree and begin dressing. It will give me a chance to take a quick shower. We leave the playroom together. "Thank you. That was better than I could have ever imagined."

**"I think it was what we both needed."**

"That may be my new favorite room." I say smiling. He squeezes my hand returning my smile.

A few hours later Christian's phone rings. He is asleep on the couch with Teddy on his chest. I debate if I should answer it. I notice the name Welch flashing on the screen and do it anyway.

"Hi, Welch."

_"Miss Steele? Did I not dial Mr. Grey's number?"_

"Yes you dialed the right number. Christian is resting with Teddy. Can I help you with something?"

_"No ma'am I really should talk to Mr. Grey. Can you tell him l called?"_

"Welch if you have information about Leila I have a right to know."

_"I agree Miss Steele, but I am afraid Mr. Grey won't approve my telling you first."_

"Why don't you let me deal with Mr. Grey? I assure you that I will take all the responsibility."

_"Okay Miss Steele, but I did warn you."_

"Yes you did. Now spill it."

_"Your assumption was correct. Miss Williams has been living as you for the last few weeks. Brilliant assessment by the way."_

"Thanks. Just a hunch, now where is she?"

_"She is still in Seattle. She has been right under our noses the entire time."_

"I want an address." He argues, but can tell I won't back down.

I write down her location and thank Welch before hanging up. Now what exactly do I want to do with it? Part of me wants to wake Christian and have him go over there right away. A bigger part doesn't want Christian anywhere near that woman. I don't think she would physically harm him, but the thought of the two of them alone in a room together makes my skin crawl. She knows him intimately, granted not the way I do, but enough to make me uncomfortable. Also, it was me that she was trying to have killed and I can't escape the fact that she was going to steal my child. I want answers and honestly I want revenge. I want to know the satisfaction that Christian experienced by snuffing out Yates' miserable existence. Christian will be livid and there will be hell to pay, but I know what I have to do and it has to be done on my own. I am not the naïve girl I was 8 months ago. I go to our closet and retrieve the gun my dad bought me when I was 17. Christian is unaware that I have a firearm, he despises them not even allowing security to carry one. I feel a little bad for hiding it from him, but only a little. I grew up around guns and am fully capable of owning one responsibly. I find the keys to Bertha. Bertha affords me the element of surprise. She is kept in a private garage on site and even if Leila has stalked both of us she wouldn't have seen Bertha parked with the other cars in the main garage. I slip out of the house, hoping to get enough distance between myself and Escala before Taylor has a chance to alert Christian. I breathe a sigh of relief making it to the freeway with no sign of a tail. I stop at a restaurant about a mile from Leila's hide out gathering my thoughts and firming up my plans. Leila has messed with the wrong woman. Like Elena she underestimates my fortitude and like Elena it will be her downfall.


	138. Chapter 138

**I gave some of you the wrong impression about this chapter. I wasn't exactly sure how this was going to go down so it was difficult for me to work out. I hope you enjoy! Life can finally move forward! Welcome new followers and thanks to everyone that reviewed - Love everything you had to say.**

Chapter 138

I sip on my tea trying to perfect a plan. By now Christian knows I am gone and has the Calvary looking for me. Rushing will only put me in danger. Lost in my own thoughts I don't notice him until he sits.

"Shit Luke! You really shouldn't sneak up on people."

_"Ana, what are you doing? Why did you sneak off?"_

"Does Christian know I'm gone? Did he send you here to retrieve me?"

_"As far as Christian knows you are meeting up with Maggie to go over the details of your next book. I wanted to talk to you first."_

"Damn, Luke you know you could lose your job over this."

_"I know. So please tell me you aren't going to do something stupid. I talked to Welch. I know that he told you about Leila. I also know that you are packing. What's your plan?"_

"Why so you can stop me? I have to do this Luke. I deserve some closure. Not only did this bitch sit back while Yates tortured me for months, she went to great lengths to convince Christian that I had left him and to top it off she was going to let me die and take Teddy. So please don't try to stop me Luke. PLEASE!" I am on the verge of tears begging him to understand.

_"Ana you're right you do deserve closure, but I don't think this is the way to go about it. You have to know Christian will make sure that you are avenged. His only concern is for your well-being."_

"I have no doubt Christian would get rid of Leila and all would be right with the world. Accept this is my fight. I don't want to be locked in the ivory tower waiting for him to come home and give me the news. I want to watch as life leaves her eyes."

_"It's not easy to watch someone die. It will stay with you forever. I hate for you to be burdened with that Ana."_

"You forget that I killed Elena. I haven't lost a second of sleep over that troll bitch."

_"Yes, but she was trying to kill you. Self-defense is altogether different from calculating to murder a person."_

"Tell me Luke. If someone tried to hurt your niece and nephew or even your sister would you be willing to leave it to someone else to exact your revenge?" The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. "That's what I thought. Now imagine being beaten daily for 5 months with whatever object deemed worthy that day. Imagine carrying a child inside of you, feeling it move knowing that you are the only thing that stands between it and imminent death. Then imagine hearing that as soon as you give birth to that child your own life will be snuffed out and your captures will do God knows what to your flesh and blood. Please Luke tell me what you would have me do?"

_"Let me help. What's the plan?"_

I tell him what I had in mind. He shares his own ideas and together we come up with a plan that proves ingenious. Luke checks in with Christian for me, explaining that I left my phone in the car and my meeting was going long and I had asked if Gail could feed Teddy from my pumped stash in the freezer. In turn I used the diner phone to call Maggie and plead with her to cover for me if Christian called. I only told her that I was securing a surprise for him and didn't want him to catch on. Luke and I both know when the truth comes out we will be in big trouble, but decide to press on. Luke secures us a room far enough from Leila's to not raise suspicion, yet close enough to keep tabs on her. I am able to get a key to her room by impersonating Leila who is impersonating me. The irony is not lost on me. Once we are certain Leila is in her room alone Luke goes to fetch her under the pretense that Mr. Grey is waiting for her at GEH. Knowing Leila she will not be able to resist an invitation from Christian even if she is unsure of his intentions. We put together an alternative if she refused, but I breathe a sigh of relief when she willingly gets into the SUV with Luke. Luke is professional, frisking Leila and keeping his face masked knowing she would expect nothing less. I follow Luke to our final destination, calling Christian along the way.

**"Ana, please tell me you are on your way home. I'm already irritated that you slipped out without discussing it with me first. Your only saving grace was that you had enough sense to take Luke with you."**

"I know you must be livid with me, but you were sleeping so soundly and I just didn't want to disturb either of you. I wish I could say that I am on my way, but Ray called and he is very ill. He put off calling me and I am afraid he will now need round the clock care. I called your mom and she is going to come over and take care of Teddy until I can get back. I am stopping by the store to get a pump so I don't dry up, but there is plenty of breast milk in the freezer."

**"Can't I just hire a nurse to take care of him? I don't want that much distance between us."**

"Me either, but he's my dad and I am all that he has, I promise to be back as soon as possible. Kiss Teddy for me. I love you Christian more than anything."

**"Okay baby. Please be careful and hurry home. Luke better not let you out of his sight. I love you too Ana. Call me in the morning." **

"I will. Sleep well." I hang up feeling a pang of guilt for lying. He wouldn't understand and if I have learned anything about Christian it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I can only assume everything is going to plan when Luke heads toward the ferry. I called pretending to be Christian changing the meeting place. He hasn't stopped so whatever explanation he came up with sufficed. I make sure to keep my distance I park a few rows back on the ferry. Luke exits the vehicle with Leila and goes to the deck. I remain in Bertha. Once the ferry docks I continue following Luke through the winding roads careful to keep my distance. I park in the driveway close to the road and navigate the rest by foot. I give Luke 10 minutes before knocking on the door. A flood of emotions hits me when I enter. Like a movie running in slow motion I remember holding the gun as Elena is coming at me. I feel my finger squeeze the trigger over and over until the clip is empty leaving Elena lying on the floor lifeless. I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them again all I see is Leila tied to a chair and a look of terror on her face. Luke had thought to bring her here. At first unsure if it was a good idea, but he's right it is perfect. Elena didn't have any family left and this house has been sitting empty since her death. No one would connect me since Elena's death had been ruled a suicide and the local police officers would assume this would be the last place I would ever step foot in.

"Well, well if it isn't Elena Williams or is it Anastasia Steele. If you are me than who am I? Oh yes I am the poor naïve girl you thought would just fall off the face of the earth and no one would notice. Guess what? You couldn't have been more wrong."

_"Where is Christian? The suit said I was going to meet Christian."_

"Oh that was a lie. Funny you didn't spot that since you seem to be so good at deceiving people."

_"What do you want with me?"_

"That all depends on you. I want answers and you are going to give them to me."

_"What if I refuse?"_

I pull out my subcompact Glock 30 it's a 45 caliber pistol that holds 10 rounds and fits perfectly in my hand. Her eyes grow wide in disbelief.

_"Do you even know how to use that thing?"_

"Don't let my size fool you Leila. I am quite proficient with a firearm. Elena underestimated me, don't make the same mistake."

_"You lie. Elena killed herself."_

"Actually, she pushed me down those stairs." I say pointing toward the front door. "I took her with me and was able to get to the gun in time to unload 10 rounds into her body. If you don't believe me just ask Luke." She looks toward Luke and he confirms my story. Her eyes go wide with fear.

_"Please, I'll do whatever you want. Just don't kill me."_

"I want answers and you are going to give them to me."

_"I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Please, I don't want to die."_

It brings me some satisfaction hearing her beg for her life. "I want to know why? You didn't even know me and you decided to help Yates destroy my life. Why?"

_"You were just a means to an end. I wanted Christian and to do that I had to get you out of the way."_

"You really thought that once I was out of the way Christian was just going to go running into your arms? What would make you think he would want anything to do with you?"

_"I love him, I always have. We ended on good terms and Elena felt like I would be perfect for him. She said he needed someone that met his needs."_

"So you were in contact with Elena? I am sure she filled you head with all sorts of lies. When did you hook up with Yates?"

_"Elena was the one that hooked me up with Christian. We spoke regularly. Yates and I met in New York a few months after I left Seattle. We had an understanding sex with no strings and no expectations of monogamy."_

"Christian said you left to get married?"

_"I lied. I was hoping he would ask me to stay."_

"But he didn't so you ran with your tail between your legs nursing a broken heart."

_"Yes."_

"Let me see if I understand this. You were in love with Christian so you left thinking he would follow, but he didn't so you went to New York and immersed yourself in the lifestyle there where you met Yates and were still in contact with Elena, no doubt keeping tabs on Christian. Then out of the blue he stops taking subs after meeting me and even confesses to Elena that I am his girlfriend. That must have really bugged you."

_"It was supposed to be me. He was supposed to love me. I thought maybe he was right that he wasn't capable of love which is why I stayed away. Then you show up out of nowhere and suddenly he changes, just like that. I let him beat the shit out of me for 2 years and for you he throws everything he knows out the window. What is so special about you? Hell we even look alike. I just knew if I got you out of the way he would see that I was so much better for him. I would love him and give him all the control he wanted."_

She looks sad and desperate. She really believes that Christian would just forget all about me and come running back to her. "Honestly, I can understand that love can make you do some crazy shit. What I don't get is why hook up with Yates? Why not just come back and declare yourself. Obviously if you thought Christian could love you I should have been only a small hurdle. Yet, you wait and then conspire with Yates to kill me?"

_"When I came for Elena's funeral I had every intention of talking to Christian. I figured he would be at the service, but I didn't see him there. I knew that you truly turned him against everything he once held dear and when I went for a drink with Yates I was mad. I wanted to make you pay for making Christian Grey a weak nothing of a man. So Yate's plan seemed logical. Get you out of the way, Christian would be hurt, pleasing Yates and I could sweep in and remind him of who he was."_

"Funny, Christian was at the funeral. I guess you didn't look hard enough." I remember how that had hurt me. "Then if you had not let you anger get the best of you, you would have been aware that I left Seattle shortly after that and we were separated for several months with no communication." She looks as though I had punched her in the gut. "So while you were playing along with Yates' sick revenge he yours for the taking. There was no need for any of this. Although I have a feeling you and I would have ended up right here anyway."

_"Why's that?"_

"Because he would have turned you down, making you hate me more so I guess things always work out the way they are supposed to. I was destined to have Christian and you, well, you were destined to die alone. I have one last question before we are finished." She relaxes a bit, no doubt thinking I will be setting her free. "It must have been quite a shock realizing I was carrying Christian's child. What was your plan? Obviously, you were going to let Yates kill me, but child what would you have done with him?"

_She takes a breath and looks to the floor. "I was supposed to get rid of him. Yates didn't care what happened to him. He was going to kill you right after he realized you were pregnant. I assured him that Christian may give up on you, but he would not let you keep his child from him. Even though I know that is true I just couldn't bear the thought of him killing an innocent child. I really didn't have a plan. I was still working it out when you escaped. I can promise you that I wouldn't have hurt him."_

Wow, she does have a conscience. "Thank you for the truth and since you were willing to spare my child I will be merciful." She smiles mouthing thank you. I look to Luke and nod. He knows that I want plan B. He brings in some food and drink for Leila. "Are you hungry?" I ask. She nods affirming my question. Luke unties her and walks her to the table. "Eat. You know how controlling Christian is about food." She nods and begins eating. When she is finished I convince her to lie on the couch. It doesn't take long before she realizes I have no intentions of letting her leave alive. Her body begins to convulse.

"You're lucky I didn't let Christian have you. He would not have been so merciful. Yates took his own life just to escape his torture. Rest assured when I lay my head on the pillow next to him I will sleep soundly knowing you will no longer be able to torment my family." Her body stills and Luke checks her vitals. She is gone. I had planned on my own form of torture, but felt she deserved some compassion for sparing Teddy. Luke and I make sure the scene is perfect. No one will ever know we were there. Luke has thought of every last detail even securing her fingerprints on the cyanide capsules. We leave and take the road back to Seattle. I park Bertha back in the garage meeting Luke at the elevator. We ride in silence. I give his hand a squeeze, my subtle way of thanking him for everything. He squeezes back. Entering the apartment I go to bedroom and he heads to his room. I change clothes and slip into bed, kissing Christian softly. I know Grace has Teddy in the guest room with her and we will both be getting a full night of sleep. I drift off and sleep like a rock.


	139. Chapter 139

**Well that last chapter got some mixed reviews. I have to admit I wasn't sure which direction I was going to go with it. I just want them to be able to go forward minus all the crazies. I am interested to see what feelings this chapter invokes. I also want to plug a new story that I know you will all enjoy. If you are not following Fifty Shades of Cluster-FK you need to. It is amazing. She just posted Chapter 12 so it won't take you long to catch up. Look on my followed stories to find it. Happy Reading!By the way I called Ana's car Bertha in the last chapter. It is actually Bernice. Sorry for the confusion.  
**

Chapter 139

I wake before Christian. Apparently my body is becoming accustomed to its new three to four hour sleep schedule. I have always enjoyed watching him sleep. I recall the first time a sat staring at his relaxed face. It was so rare to see him without the tension his life created. Sadness fills me, thinking how stressed he must have been in my absence all those months. I wonder if he was once again plagued by nightmares. We both agreed to not dwell on that horrible time, it was better to just move forward. My decision to follow through in killing Leila has given me closure in many ways. Now looking at Christian I know I need to tell him what I did. He will be angry no doubt. I only hope that he will understand my need to handle it myself. Yates got what he deserved and he must know that Leila was no better. What if his past with her changes how he reacts? What if he would have had compassion for her thinking he may have driven her to lose touch with reality. He tends to blame himself for anything bad that happens. He has to realize that her decision to become his sub was an informed one. He could not have possibly known that she would try to hurt me. Hindsight is always 20/20, he couldn't have dreamed that I would enter his life turning everything on its head.

**"Hey, I thought you were taking care of your dad?"**

"There was a change of plans." I can't help but move in for a kiss. A sleepy-eyed Christian is impossible to resist.

**"What happened?"**

"It's a long story. I'll tell you later. Right now I want to enjoy you. Your mom has Teddy and we have all the time we want." I say hoping to distract him.

**"You sure know how to make a man's morning." He says before practically attacking me. **

After we have satisfied our hunger we lie in one another's arms. I silently pray that he doesn't revisit why I am home early. I don't want to lie, but I am not quite ready to divulge everything.

**"Unfortunately, I have to go to the office today. I had Andrea schedule several meetings over the next couple of days, thinking you would be gone."**

"Don't worry about me. I was actually going to ask your mom to do a little shopping with me. Teddy is growing fast and I need to pick up a few things for him."

**"Please take Luke and be careful. We still haven't found Leila, I don't want to take a chance with your safety."**

I have to look away when I accidentally smile. Finally, I will be able to walk the streets of Seattle without fear of some crazy lunatic trying to eliminate me. Freedom never felt so good. I want to assure Christian that I have never been in less danger, but again I need to break the news gently unsure what his reaction may be if I blurt it out. Seems morbid that I would be excited about someone's death, I know I did something immoral, sinful but I would do it all again if it meant my family would be safe. Teddy doesn't deserve to be subjected to the crazies that found their way into Christian's life. He deserves a clean slate free of his father's demons and actually so does Christian. We have all paid a high price for the sins of others.

"I promise to have Luke by my side at all times."

**"Thank you baby."**

"It's the least I can do to give you some piece of mind."

**"Wow, I never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth."**

"Motherhood puts many things in perspective, Mr. Grey."

**"Had I known I would love being a father so much and you would become compliant I would have knocked you up long ago."**

"Ha! Ha! I remember your reaction the first time you thought you were going to have a baby mamma. It wasn't pretty." His face drops and I immediately regret teasing him. "I was kidding. What good is having a past if you can't look back and laugh about it? I am sure you would have come around eventually had I actually been pregnant. You wouldn't have been able to resist the first time you laid eyes on our child." He smiles again.

**"You're right. I would have fallen in love instantly, but I am glad that I had some time to change and we had time to grow before Teddy came along."**

"Me too." I kiss his cheek.

**"I hate leaving you, but if I don't get out of this bed I am going to be late to my first meeting."**

"Well, get your butt up and go run your empire. We will be here when you get back."

**"I love you Ana. I truly don't know how I ever survived without you."**

"Awe Mr. Grey, survive was all you did before me. This is living." I wink.

**"Touché' Miss Steele."**

I stay in bed while he takes a shower and enjoy my view watching him dress for the day. Christian in a custom made suit is nothing short of perfection. I have to resist the urge to take it off of him and force him back into bed.

**"See something you like Miss Steele?"**

"I do indeed Mr. Grey. You better leave before I act out the little fantasy playing in my head."

**"Damn I wish I could cancel. I really want to experience what your dirty little mind has conjured up."**

"Yes you do.." I say seductively.

**"Damn it, Ana you aren't playing fair. You know I can't stay."**

"I learned from the best. So many times you have left me all hot and bothered with no outlet. Turnabout is fair play Mr. Grey."

**"I don't know what has gotten into you this morning, but I like it. Can she stick around?"**

"Don't worry she will be waiting on pins and needles until you get home. Now go and don't forget to think about me today. I know I will be thinking of you." I say biting my lip.

**"ARGH! Ana you better be ready for the playroom when I get home. I am going to have a lot of frustration to work out on that gorgeous body of yours."**

"Noted. Now get out of here." He gives me a chased kiss. I know it took a lot of self-control to actually walk away, but I also know I will pay for my little stunt. I can't wait. What has gotten into me? For the first time in months I feel liberated, free to live my life. It feels really, really good.

I hurry to see if Teddy is ready to be fed. My boobs feel as if they may explode. Thank God I pumped last night before coming to bed or I would no doubt be in severe pain. I luckily catch Grace getting a bottle ready for a screaming Teddy.

"Hey Grace, no need for that, I need some relief and he obviously thinks he may starve to death."

_"What a surprise. I thought you would be gone a couple of day. I assume Ray is better,"_

"Yes, he is fine. I ended up coming home late last night."

_"Here you feed him and I'll get Gail to make us some breakfast."_

"Thanks Grace." I take Teddy into the living room and enjoy our bonding time. This is something only I can do for him and even though we had a rough start we both seem to be finding our way just fine. He is becoming an efficient eater. I place Teddy in his bouncer and sit at the bar to eat my breakfast.

"Grace, I was wondering if you would go shopping with me today?"

_"Sure Ana, I would love to."_

After breakfast we go our separate ways and get ready for a day out. Gail keeps an eye on Teddy, allowing me a stress free shower. Luke has the car waiting and we head out. Grace recommends a few shops. I decide that I can live with using Christian's money for Teddy. He is his son and should be spoiled by his father. It is still hard for me to accept extravagant gifts from him, although we have met in the middle recently. I allow him to buy me things and he usually makes sure they are not items of great expense, according to him. So really he gets his way, but what's new and I have to admit he is wearing me down. I like that he thinks of me. The thought always means more than the actual gift. Once I feel sufficiently shopped out we stop for lunch. After ordering Grace picks up the conversation.

_"Sweetheart I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I have been meaning to talk to you about something."_

My heart stops. She never uses words like uncomfortable or hesitates to talk to me about anything and everything. I can't imagine what this is all about. I rack my brain but come up empty. Maybe it's something to do with Teddy, maybe she doesn't want to offend me by giving me parenting advice. I just nod urging her to go on.

_"It's about your scars."_

I instinctively pull my sleeves down to cover them up. "What about them?" I come off a little offended.

_"I just want to recommend an ointment that you could try to lessen their appearance. It is has surgical grade silicone in it and has been known to make some practically disappear."_

My shoulders relax and I happily smile at her sweet gesture. "I would like that Grace, thanks. Christian has offered to have them surgically removed with laser treatment, but I am not sure I want to undergo that. From what I hear it takes several sessions and it can be quite painful."

_"Yes you are right. It is not a pleasant experience. I think you will be surprised at how well you respond to the ointment. I'll get you a sample from the hospital to try. I hope you know we all love you Ana scars and all. I just want you to feel comfortable in your own skin again."_

"I know Grace. I am self-conscious of the marks. Some days they empower me, reminding me of how much I survived, but others I remember how much I missed. How everyone hurt while I was away, especially Christian."

_"Yes, darling everyone was so sad and hurt, but we survived and you were the one that endured such horrible cruelty. Christian was lost, but I think it served as a good lesson to make him realize how deeply he loved you and how much he really desired to be a father. I want you to dwell on all of the positives to come out of that tragedy because there are many."_

"Thanks Grace you always know just the right things to say."

_"I just speak my heart Ana. It has always served me well."_

We keep the rest of conversation lighter, sticking to subjects like Mia's obsession with Jacob and his mutual adoration for her. They really are perfect for one another even if I hadn't seen it in the beginning. Kate and Elliott are still on top of the world as newlyweds. Grace gives me some advice about our house plans. We are actively working with an architect and I need pointers on details. I want to make sure the house will suit our needs for a long time to come. I plan on spending the rest of my life in that house. Once back at Escala, Grace goes home to Carrick. We make plans for a family dinner in the coming week. I feed Teddy before putting him in his bassinet and then chat with Gail as she prepares dinner. Just after 6 pm Christian strolls through the door.

**"Ana, my office now!" He demands.**

I do as I am told, not sure what is going on. All I know that when Christian is this upset it is best to do as I am told. We enter and he shuts the door. He turns and his eyes are full of rage. I know exactly what he is upset about and I know I will have to find a way to make him understand.

**"I talked to Welch today."**

"Oh?" I play dumb. I want to know the extent of what he knows.

**"He said you answered my phone yesterday and practically demanded information about Leila."**

"I wouldn't say I demanded it. I just told him that I had just as much a right to know as you."

**"Well, whatever you said you convinced him to give it to you. You know I should fire him right?"**

"You wouldn't do that. He is great at his job."

**"He's the best, but he knows better than to just give out sensitive information to anyone else but me."**

"So you don't think I should have knowledge of the whereabouts of the woman that tried to have me killed and was going to steal our son?"

**"I didn't say that. I just would have rather I given it to you."**

"Yes, I know exactly how you would have given it to me. You would have candy coated it and wrapped it up in a pretty little package all the while telling me not to worry about it because it was under control. Your control."

**"What is wrong with that? I am only trying to protect you."**

"I know Christian and most of the time I can deal with your need to control and protect the world around me, but not on this. I deserved closure. Why is it okay for you to track down Yates, but I can't deal with Leila?"

**"I will deal with Leila. She won't be an issue. I will give you your closure while you are safe."**

"Yes, all while I am safe. Christian Grey will go out and get revenge for me while I sit locked away safe from his crazy exes. No need. I don't need your help."

**"It's not an option Ana. I am not asking you how you want this to go down. I am telling you how it is going to happen and you are going to have to live with that."**

"You know what Christian. I was hoping to be able to have a civil conversation with you about this, but I see that is not possible. You see me as weak and unable to take care of myself. I hate to burst your bubble, but I am not weak." Lifting my shirt to reveal my back and shoving my sleeves down exposing my wrists. "Here is all the evidence I need to prove that I can survive just about anything. I don't need you to put me up on a pedestal or worship some ideal that I am a princess that needs a prince to go into battle for her. I am a warrior and the battle was mine to fight and guess what I won."

**"Ana I know you are strong. This has nothing to do with me thinking you are weak. Wait, what do you mean you won? What are you talking about?"**

"Nothing, don't worry about it. It's over and there is nothing you can do about it."

**"What did you do? Ana what happened? You need to tell me what you did?"**

"I KILLED HER! There are you happy, I confessed. I snuck out and took care of the last person standing between us and freedom."

**"When? Oh God. Are you telling me that you never had a meeting with Maggie? Your dad isn't sick is he?" She stares at her feet refusing to look at me. "Look at me. God Damn It, LOOK AT ME!"**

**She doesn't have to say a word the look on her face says everything I need to know. She lied to me. She lied and to make matters worse she put herself in a compromising position. I could have lost her forever, because she wanted to prove a point. How could she?**

**"GET OUT!"**

"Christian? Please let me explain."

**"I don't want to hear it. I want you out NOW!" I need some space. This room is too small for both of us and I need to think. I want to understand why she would go behind my back. Why didn't she trust me to take care of Leila? I would do anything to keep her safe and make her happy, why can't she see that? Didn't I prove that with Yates? I tortured that fucker, he was begging to die. I did it for her. He hurt my Ana so I ended him. "Please Ana just go. I can't look at you right now."**

My heart is shattering and I wonder if he can hear it? I plead with him, but he won't even look at me. Did he love Leila? Is he just realizing it? I killed her and he can't stand the sight of me. I bow my head and leave. I want to grab Teddy and run. He said to get out. He can't look at me. Maybe I should leave. Surely he wouldn't choose her over us? Would he? I go to check on Teddy. As I stroke his hair all I can think is at least I have you. You will be the only piece of Christian that I possess after tonight. I sit staring at him. He is starting to look more and more like Christian. Babies change so much and it is still hard to say exactly who he will resemble, but my gut tells me I have a Christian clone on my hands. Later, it will be hard to look at him knowing that I wasn't enough to secure the life Teddy deserved. He will be shuttled between us. Me nothing but a baby mamma and Christian undoubtedly will hire someone just to retrieve Teddy so he doesn't have to see my face. The only thing that will be harder than that is the day Teddy tells me that his dad is married. I breakdown at just the thought of someone else being Mrs. Christian Grey. I have always been his, but only in spirit, never in name. I pick Teddy up and go to his nursery. I won't leave just yet. He may have loved Leila, but I will take my time. I deserve to pack our things neatly, not just leave like a thief in the night. I begin packing Teddy first. I don't want to step foot in our closet. His suits, shoes, smell will kill me right now. Once I have his suitcase packed to the brim I leave him sleeping and roll it to the entry. Gail looks at me confused. I don't even make eye contact. I go to the library next and take a few of my favorite books. I take a mental picture knowing I will remember everything about this room and how it came to be. Then I go to the playroom. He changed everything for me. Our first and last night in here had been magical. I close the door finally willing myself to our bedroom. I get out my suitcase and start with the dresser. Moving to the closet I ignore Christian's things and remove mine placing them neatly into the case. The bathroom is quick. I just take a few items knowing most of it can be replaced easily. After placing my case beside Teddy's I go to retrieve him. After he is securely in my arms I open his closet seeing my wedding dress. Crying I take it out. I leave it lying across the crib. A reminder to Christian of everything he was throwing away for her, a woman that no longer exists. I don't alert Luke. All the threats are accounted for and I know we will be just fine. Closing the front door I take a deep breath before getting into the elevator, Teddy strapped to me in his MobyGo wrap and my hands pulling two large suitcases. I load them into Bernice, thankful I insisted we buy a car seat for her much to Christian's dismay. I load Teddy before climbing in myself. I make it to the exit before being stopped by a mad man. Hair a mess, face in obvious distress clothes in disarray, no longer the perfect specimen that stood before me this morning.

**"Ana what the fuck are you doing?"**

I roll the window down, "You told me to get out. I am just obeying Mr. Grey." I say flatly.

**"Good Lord, I meant out of the office. I just needed some space, you know to think. I wasn't kicking you out. I love you, silly woman."**

"You do? You said you couldn't look at me. I thought…I thought you were upset because you realized what I had done and you loved…you know…her."

**"What? Why in the world would you think that? I was upset because I thought you didn't trust me to take care of it Ana. I was hurt because I thought you understood I would do anything for you."**

"Oh." I feel a little silly, but he isn't the greatest communicator so it was an honest mistake. Apparently I didn't communicate very well either, because trust had nothing to do with anything that happened yesterday.

**"Now please take Bernice back to her garage and bring Teddy back up. We need to talk this through and now that I have had time to calm down I will be able to think more clearly."**

"Okay. I'm sorry I just thought…" He slips into the passenger side.

**"Stop thinking and start driving, Ana."**

"Yes sir."


	140. Chapter 140

**I would like to address and few things before this chapter. Many of you loved the last Chapter and were grateful that I didn't leave you hanging like I normally do. I specifically did that to appease you - I know I have a tendency of leaving things undone giving you undue stress. However, don't be fooled. Ana's compliance in the parking garage does not mean this is over. There is much to be worked out. For those who did not approve of the last chapter I am sorry for the disappointment. To the guest who said she was tired of Ana being Christian's door mat, I think you may be confusing my fanfic with others or the actually books. As I can recall Christian has kept his control issues in check since Ana left for New York. He has worshiped the ground she walks on up until this point. I honestly am tired of her running away. Yes he was a ass and didn't communicate, but I don't think its realistic that you just run all the time because someone hurts your feelings. I know you want romance, but a good story has some realistic qualities. No relationship is perfect and we all know that no matter how much Christian changes EL James wrote his character with TONS of issues especially when it comes to Ana's safety. Ana on the other hand has a bad habit of jumping to conclusions and imagining what Christian must be thinking. This seems to be true of most women. It doesn't make it right. Humans are flawed and I am trying to write a story that is true to that. I have also been criticized for not letting this go on and on into many chapters. We are currently in Chapter 140 and as much as I love writing this story at this point dragging it out feels a little forced. I want to get to the wedding, but I also want to prove that they have finally grown into a couple that will be able to handle whatever life throws at them together. Ana would want to tell Christian about Leila and Christian will obviously be upset that she didn't let him handle it. They will have to work through this and running AGAIN is not going to solve anything. She needed Christian to pull her back in and that is why he stopped her. So for those who loved the chapter thanks and for those who didn't too bad. It is what it is and I am ready to go on. I will take your advice for future writing endeavors. Happy Reading! **

Chapter 140

Christian carries Teddy and I walk with my arms crossed still not sure that I am ready to make nice. He was cruel, yelling at me to leave. My feelings are hurt and as much as I want to forgive him I just don't think I am ready. Sometimes it just feels good to hold onto the hurt. I know it's silly and immature. I should keep an open mind, talk to him rationally and come to an understanding. We don't always do what we should, do we? Christian lays Teddy down and then asks me to go back to the office.

**"I think we need to try to talk this out."**

I stand hip cocked, arms crossed debating if I am in the mood for another confrontation. I can't lie, I am happy he stopped me from leaving. I don't want to be without him. I love Christian and I'm so ready to have a life together without the drama. I get that with a man like him this may be close to impossible. The last few months have been different. He has been so supportive and loving. I was more than happy to consent to staying at Escala while Leila was in the wind. In hindsight I probably should have discussed my thoughts and needs with him. We both have a bad habit of assuming what the other is thinking and react badly. No doubt this is a perfect example.

**"Ana I know you are mad and I don't blame you. I reacted badly. I shouldn't have come storming in tonight barking at you. It's a default. Will you please come with me? "**

"Fine." I say storming past him. He's being sweet and my heart wants to melt, but I won't not until we get this worked out. I sit on the couch and he sits directly across from me touching my hand. Damn it! Why does his touch affect me so?

**"I love you Ana. I never want you to leave. I should have specified that I just needed some space. I don't blame you for jumping to the conclusion you did. Especially with the things I have done in the past. I am telling you now that in the future if I lose my cool and ask you to leave I am not asking you to leave me. I need you."**

"Okay." I know he feels bad, knowing that my default is to think the worst when he loses it.

**"I can promise that I will try to stay calm when discussing sensitive subjects with you."**

"I'm not a hostile take-over Christian. I have feelings and whether you realize it or not I have a brain. I don't just do things to spite you. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

**"I know baby. Again I am sorry. This is still new to me. I am learning how to deal with my frustrations and sometimes I just react. It's not an excuse it just happens. I just worry about you. So many bad things have happened since you met me and if I can't protect you I may as well be useless."**

"Christian, you can't protect me from everything. How many times do we have to go over this? Your job is to love me. Sometimes bad things happen. You can't control life. I want to live and living means taking some chances. I remember how carefree we were in New York and even after we came home. I want that back. I'm tired of being afraid."

**"I know. I wish I had your resolve. I just worry and when I worry I become controlling. Can you explain why you didn't let me handle Leila? She could have hurt you."**

"She could have just as easily hurt you. What if I let you handle it and she had a gun. You hate guns and would have had no way to defend yourself. I know it is hard for you to understand, but your safety is just as important to me. I feel just as helpless when you put yourself in uncertain situations."

**"Why haven't you said something before?"**

"Would it make a difference? Would it have stopped you from going after Yates?"

**"No."**

"Exactly, no matter what you said I would have still felt the need to deal with Leila. Sure you could have forced me into submission, but I would have fought you. I need to make you understand that I had to deal with this in my own way."

**"Where you going to even tell me? I believed every word you said yesterday. How can I trust that you will be honest in the future?"**

"I know. That is the one regret I have. I hated lying to you, but by the time I talked to you it was too late to turn back. I knew you would be so mad and try to force me to come home. I couldn't. I wanted to be free and it was the only way I could imagine finally moving on." I stare at my hands. I am ashamed that I lied and truly hope it doesn't destroy his trust.

**"You didn't even give me a choice. I'm not saying that I would have allowed you near Leila, but I don't know. If you would have expressed your feelings to me I may have reacted out of character. We will never know because you didn't you just assumed the worst and took matters into your own hands."**

"I know. I would do it again though. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I made an informed decision knowing how you tend to react and I would do it again because I had to. Again, I am sorry if that hurts you. I can tell you that I was careful and Luke helped me. He made sure I was safe and in control the entire time."

**"I have to fire him Ana. He let you put yourself in danger. He can't be on my security team after such a blatant disregard for protocol."**

"Don't you dare!" I feel rage taking over my body. "Luke is the only reason I didn't do something stupid. He made sure I didn't barge in half-cocked full of rage. It is because of him I will never be connected to any of it."

**"Ana I don't have a choice. He knew the minute he agreed to help you he would be terminated."**

"He tried to stop me. I didn't give him a choice. I basically told him he would either help me or get out of the way. He had to go along. You know as well as me that he would have never just gotten out of the way."

**"He could have forced you to come home even physically manhandled you and restrained you. Luke knew he had options."**

"Christian Grey I am telling you right now that if you fire him I will walk out that door with Teddy and never come back. He sees us as family. For God's sake he helped you take care of Yates. You can't just throw him out because he wanted to do the same for me."

**"You would really leave me for Luke?"**

"It's not for Luke Christian. I just want you to think about what you are doing. Luke would die for either of us and not to follow protocol. He cares for all us and I don't know about you, but that is the type of man I want guarding my son. Ask yourself what you would do if Taylor had been the one to help me. The loyalty you feel to Jason is exactly what I feel for Luke. So yes, I would leave not because Luke won't have a job, but it will prove to me that you are more concerned with losing face with an employee than making me happy."

**"Ana…you know that isn't true." I can't believe she would think that to be remotely true.**

"Do I? Prove it. Let Luke stay. You know he is good at his job. I can't imagine feeling comfortable with anyone else especially now that we have Teddy. Please Christian."

**"Fine. Luke stays, but I will be talking to him about this little stunt you both pulled and I can promise you that if anything comes back to bite you on this, I will throw his ass under the bus. He will go down because I won't lose you."**

"Fair enough. Don't worry we covered our tracks. It's over, really over."

**"Are you going to tell me what you did?"**

"Are you going to tell me about Yates?"

**"No. I don't want you to think about that man ever again."**

"Back at you Mr. Grey."

I climb into his lap. I can't stay mad at this man, especially when he comes at me with apologies and declarations of love. I knew when I decided to allow Christian into my heart that it wasn't always going to be sunshine and roses. He has many issues, but over the last year and half he has done so much to prove to me that he wants to be a better man and I can't punish him for patterns that were in place long before me. We are in this together. I am not without my own issues. Some will say we are dysfunctional and codependent. I say judge your own relationship and leave us alone.

"So you forgive me?"

**"Only if you forgive me first."**

"Forgiven." I kiss him passionately. "As much as I would love to continue this I am sure Teddy is ready to gnaw an arm off."

**"Speaking of, you never ate dinner."**

"I'll meet you in the dining room in 20 minutes." I leave Christian in his office. I can imagine he will want to deal with Luke immediately. I settle in with Teddy listening to my stomach grumble as he fills his own. I need to eat. Nursing makes me hungry all the time and having nothing to eat since lunch I think I may starve.

* * *

**"Please sit Luke." I say pointing to the chair in front of my desk. "Would you like to explain to me what the hell you were thinking by assisting Ana? No need to play dumb. I know what happened. I just want to hear your side."**

"Mr. Grey, I don't exactly know what to say. I had talked to Welch just after he hung up with Ana. When I saw her leave in Bernice I knew she was up to something."

**"Why didn't you alert me?"**

"Honestly, I wanted to know what she was thinking and hoped to talk her out of doing something stupid. She took her gun and I knew she was putting herself in danger."

**"What do you mean she took her gun? Where did she get a gun?"**

"I'm sorry, I assumed you knew that she kept a gun in your closet. Her dad gifted it to her when she was 17."

**"I knew she was comfortable around guns, but no I had no idea she kept a gun here." I swear she is trying to give me a stroke. One more thing I will have to discuss with dear, sweet, deceptive Ana. I don't know who I am kidding, she always wins. No one else has ever been able to turn my arguments on their head. On one hand it is maddening, on the other arousing. "Carry on Luke. I will discuss the gun with Ana."**

"Yes sir. I followed her to a restaurant near Miss William's hideout. She was shocked to see me. I had a lengthy conversation with her trying to convince her to let you handle Miss Williams. She obviously refused to listen."

**"Can you tell me why you didn't just drag her out of the restaurant kicking and screaming if necessary and bring her back here?"**

"Honestly, sir she was very persuasive."

**"What do you mean Luke? What exactly did she say to convince you to risk your livelihood and reputation to assist her with something that could have led to the very least you both spending the rest of your lives in prison?"**

"She asked me to put myself in her shoes."

**"That is it? You can't be serious."**

"With all due respect Mr. Grey, Ana not only survived something that would kill most people, she survived mentally intact. I have seen grown men go through less and blow their own brains out. I can tell you that if it were me or any of my family I would feel the same way she did. Hell, sir you of all people should sympathize. You got to break Yates. You can't tell me it didn't bring you satisfaction and even peace to hear him beg to die or to see him hanging lifeless."

**"Yes it was satisfying. This is Ana though and she runs a higher risk of being hurt."**

"Does she sir? We already established how strong she is physically and mentally. She also has mad skills with a gun. Then you have to factor in the fact that she is a mother, and not just any mother. She protected little Teddy with her own body even escaping a mad man to ensure he would be unharmed. If you ask me she is more than capable of taking care of herself. I have no doubt she would have handled Miss Williams without receiving a single scratch. My concern was that she do it in such a way that no one would ever suspect her."

**He makes good points. I am too blinded by my love and baggage to see Ana for who she is. Quite honestly she's a bad ass. It doesn't excuse her for lying to me, but I admit she deserved closure. "Would you mind explaining to me how you ensured this won't come back to bite her?"**

"Have you talked to Ana about this?"

**"Yes, she refused to answer."**

"All I can tell you is similar to Yates it will be ruled a suicide. I made sure that all of our tracks were covered."

**"You are nothing if not loyal to her Luke. I have to respect you for that. You can go."**

"One more thing sir, you should know that Ana was compassionate. It was not her intention. She wanted Miss Williams to suffer, but something changed after Miss Williams declared her love for you. She seemed sincere and then when she assured Ana that she convinced Yates not to kill Teddy, promising that she would have never hurt him or let anyone else hurt him because he was yours, Ana chose a different route. Miss Williams died fast and without much pain, sir. She didn't have to do that. I suspect that she could sympathize with Miss Williams love for you. She even mentioned understanding that love could make you do crazy shit! So please don't be so hard on her. She deserves to live and love free of fear. I will pack my things and be gone in the morning."

**"No need Luke. I am not firing you."**

"Thank you sir. I don't know what made you change your mind, but thank you."

**"Thank Ana. She convinced me to keep you. I have to say after speaking with you I agree that you are the only one I trust to guard her and my son. Go back to your duties and let's leave what happened yesterday in the past."**

"Yes sir."

**He turns to go and I sit recalling Luke's defense of Ana. I am not sure what hits me hardest. The fact that she did this on her own and didn't need me or that even in her anger she found room for compassion for a woman that was willing to let her die. It was her love for me and Teddy that convinced her to go with the less cruel plan. She is everything my own mother should have been. I sit with my grief wishing my mother had been as strong as Ana. How different my life would have been had she put herself between me and her pimp. I have no doubt he would have still killed her whether with drugs or his bare hands, but would I have been more likely to allow love to enter my life as a child. Elena wouldn't have been able to warp my mind and control would be used in its proper setting, business and business alone. I have spent so many years convincing myself that I am only successful because of what Elena taught me. It seems ridiculous. There are successful people all over the world that weren't abused and in fact had an all-American childhood. If I'm honest with myself I have been more successful since meeting Ana. Turn-over has decreased and I have gained accounts that would have not been possible without implementing the consideration I lacked before her. It's funny I want her to submit to my control so badly. It finally dawns on me that Ana chose me. She is not a possession to be coddled with kid gloves. She is a strong, compassionate, incredibly sexy woman who in spite of all my hang ups loves me. So why do I keep testing her? Am I trying to see how much she can take before she has had enough of me? By now she surely has proven that she isn't going anywhere. Even when she runs it is only because I practically push her out the door. I think I need to talk to Flynn. I don't want to burden Ana with any of this. Flynn will help me get a handle on this recent revelation. For now I need to enjoy my family. Christian Grey has a family…how is it even fucking possible? ANA she is the only common denominator to everything good in my life.**


	141. Chapter 141

Sorry this took so long. To everyone that reviewed the last chapter I loved them all. Many got me thinking. It has been a crazy week for me so this is short, but I will try to update again soon. Welcome new followers! You all make it worth it!

Chapter 141

As I sit nursing my little Tedbear hoping that Christian's conversation with Luke is going well. I am relieved that Christian and I were able to come to an understanding. I know I was probably more stubborn that I ought to be, but sometimes that is the only way to make him see reason. From today on I vow not to go behind his back in areas concerning mine or Teddy's safety. Now that I am sure he will not terminate Luke I should have no problem keeping my commitment. I sit and rock Teddy a little longer inhaling his scent. I wish I could bottle it. There is nothing better than the smell of a baby. It is hard to describe, sweet, clean, innocent. My heart is so full. I wish I could express to Christian how much I love him. I know he struggles with guilt over all the trials we have faced, but I truly feel that they have made us stronger. He has grown so much. I admire his ability to change. I often think he has surpassed me. After Yates I felt weak and scared. A shell of the person I once was. Without Christian's tenderness I know that would not have fully recovered. He really is my knight in shining armor and it is so ironic that he thinks he's the broken one. I believe he appreciates life in a way most people couldn't, including me. He makes me want to be a better person.

"Teddy, you are such a lucky boy. Your daddy loves you so much. He is a good man. I know as you grow up he will frustrate you, especially if you get my personality, but just know he is a pain only because he cares too much sometimes." I kiss his forehead and lay him down.

I don't see Christian in the dining room or kitchen so I go to his office. I knock lightly, he immediately answers. I open the door. He is sitting at his desk lost in his thoughts.

"Hey," I whisper. He pulls me into his lap. "You okay," I ask.

**"Do you know how much I love you, Ana?"**

His eyes are pained. I don't quite understand why, but I don't hesitate when answering. "Yes and I love you too, so much. I hate fighting. I know I was stubborn and headstrong and I'm sorry. I promise to ALWAYS discuss everything with you from here on out."

**"That's all I want. I can't lose you. I know you are strong and sometimes I test your strength, but you and Teddy are my life. I would cease to exist without you. I was so lost last summer. I feel like I just got you back and it scares me to think one day you may not want me anymore."**

"CHRISTIAN! You really think I would willingly leave you?"

**"You said as much earlier."**

"I was bluffing. I wouldn't have left you over Luke. I may have not spoken to you for a while, but Christian you are everything to me. I'm sorry that you doubt that."

**"Bluffing? Seriously, you certainly know how to get your way."**

"Please! Are you telling me that you have never bluffed in a negotiation?"

**"Of course I have, but I have never bluffed with you. I may have shut you out essentially driving you away, but I have never bluffed. Why would you do that?"**

"Just as you shut me out, testing my commitment, I was testing you. I wanted to know if you would take into consideration what I wanted. Luke is very important to me. Obviously, I can live without him, but I trust him and I want you to know you can trust him too. While I was holding Teddy I promised that starting today I won't go against you when it comes to mine and Teddy's safety. I know you love us, Christian. I know that even when I think you are being silly and over the top, it is only because of that love and to prove to you how much you mean to me I will relinquish that control to you. However, I want you to promise me that you will at least hear me out if I disagree and make an informed decision. I am not agreeing to being locked away, but trusting that you will take my feelings into consideration."

**"Your happiness trumps even your safety. I could never lock you away Ana. As much as I would love to keep you all to myself that wouldn't be fair to you or the world. You have a gift with people, one I admire. I have never known anyone so complex. You keep me on my toes, challenging me every day. I used to think that control was the only way I could be happy. You blew that theory out of the water. I realize now, I love you so deeply because you have never just given into me. From day one you have been a challenge and I need you to remain true to who you are. So as much as I appreciate you deferring your safety to me, I trust you and I trust Luke. I can't promise I won't worry or lose my cool when you do something to test me, but I can promise that I will try to relax. "**

"Thank you. I know this is not easy for you and I will always take your feelings into consideration. It looks like we have come to a great compromise Mr. Grey. I couldn't be prouder. I can imagine this will be the first of many."

**"I think you are right."**

He kisses me softly, nibbling my bottom lip gently. "Christian…" My body is betraying my stomach, but I know I need to eat. "I am starving…not just for you, I need to eat first."

**"Sorry. You're right. Let's eat."**

He pulls away adjusting himself and we eat in comfortable silence. The thickness of the air that existed earlier has disintegrated. There is a peace between us that has never existed. It seems we have both come to understand not only each other better, but ourselves as well. Now that my stomach is satisfied I pull Christian into our bedroom to satisfy him.

"I want to finish what we started this morning," I say unbuckling his belt. After I unbutton and slide his pants and boxers to the floor I drop to my knees. I untie his shoes and remove each one. I look up and he has shed his shirt before stepping out of the clothes puddled at his feet. I immediately take him in my mouth. **"Fuck, Ana." **I smile, but continue my rhythm taking him deeper. His hands clutch my hair, encouraging me to continue. I can feel every vein throbbing. I can't explain how much I love giving him this. His hips are thrusting forward. I cup his balls in my right hand while my left cups his ass. **"Ana, baby, please." **I know he wants me to stop, not because he doesn't like it. He's so close and he wants to make sure I am equally satisfied. What he doesn't realize is I crave making him happy and this is something I can give to him. I clutch his ass letting him know I am not stopping. He releases in my mouth, I quickly swallow then make sure he is completely clean before rising to my feet.

**"Thank you, baby. You didn't have to do that."**

"I love pleasing you. It does something for me."

**"Really, good to know." I say as I remove her clothing. I run my hand between her legs. "Damn, you're wet. You weren't lying." I love this woman. "Now it's my turn." I drop to my knees, it's only fair. I run my hands up and down her legs. Her skin is so soft. I kiss her belly. I have a new found fondness for this part of her body. Not long ago she sheltered our son here. I kiss her hip bones hearing her let out a small moan. Cupping her ass I walk her toward the bed on my knees. "Sit." I say softly. She obeys and I spread her legs placing myself between them. I look up into her deep blue eyes. I have gotten lost so many times in them. Her eyes alone can make me weak in the knees. No other woman has ever done that to me. She runs her hand along my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into her hand. My heart feels like it may explode. I take her nipple into my mouth lightly sucking at first, but when she says my name I lose control. I frantically suck, nip twirl her nipple in my mouth while my hand kneads at her other breast. I feel Ana's hands running through my hair. Her legs instinctively wrap around my torso. I then physically scoot her up the bed before running kisses along her body before slipping my fingers inside her. She lets out a loud. **"Ahhhh!" **encouraging me to slip my tongue between her folds. Her legs wrap tightly around my neck telling me I am hitting all the right spots. When her body start to convulse she rewards me again with my name. This time it is less a breathy moan and more a scream. I continue until her body complete relaxes. Seeing her bliss I know what she means by her earlier statement. I love pleasing her too, I live for it. I snuggle next to her holding her limp body.**

"You think you can get away with that?" I ask trying to regain my strength. He looks at me confused. "As much as I enjoyed that little display, I want more." He raises his eyebrows and a small smirk flickers across his face.

**"I think I've created a monster. Tell me what you want." Two can play this game.**

"I want you!" I emphasize every word. He moves over me. He grabs my wrists and places them over my head all the while nibbling on my neck. My body starts to tingle.

**"I want to know what you want, baby. Tell me what you want." Holding both hands with one of mine I run the other across her cheek, down her neck and over her right breast. I massage is gently before pulling slightly on her nipple. Her eyes roll back and her head falls to one side as she lets out a small moan. "You like that baby?"**

"Yes," I say absorbing the pleasure he is creating.

**"Tell me what you want now?" I whisper softly in her ear.**

"I want the blindfold," It's true. That is what I want. I want to feel every sensation of his hands, mouth and body on me. He smiles before kissing me. Our tongues dance a tango, sensual, passionate, perfect. He pulls away and I can't help but whimper, wanting more.

**"A blindfold it is." After getting the blindfold out of the dresser I turn and take in the beautiful creature sprawled out on the bed. Her legs are spread wide from where my body had just been. Her arms remain above her head where I placed them. What gets me is her eyes. They are burning through me full of lust. My already hard member pulses at the sight. The distance between us seems too great. My body aches to close the gap. I rush back to my place between her legs and secure the blindfold. "Do you know what you do to me? God Ana, you are like a siren. I couldn't deny you." I say to her skimming my hands all over her soft skin. I know with the blindfold on the smallest touch is heightened. Her hips writhe underneath me. I slip my hands downward between her lips. She never disappoints, always ready. I stroke her nub slowly wanting her to absorb every sensation. When I slip two fingers her body immediately starts tensing. I know it want take long to bring her over the edge. **

"Christian! Please!" I beg.

**"Tell me what you want Ana."**

"I want you, I want you inside me, NOW!" I yell, then whisper softly. "I need you…" He moves quickly sliding into me at the same time kissing my neck. "I want to see you, please… I need to see your eyes."

**"I can never deny you baby," I still myself, trying hard not to move as I remove the blindfold. She blinks her eyes adjusting to the light. Once our eyes lock I start moving. Instinctively her legs wrap around my waist encouraging my motion. I start slow, but when I feel her spur my ass I lose all control. I rise up on my hands looking down into her exquisite face. Her hands claw at my chest. I speed up again and before I know it we are both saying the other's names simultaneously. Frantically, we ride out our release. Only when we are both spent do I roll off of her, wrapping her up and rolling her face into my chest. The next thing I hear is Teddy calling out, obviously, hungry. **


	142. Chapter 142

**Here is a quick teaser chapter. What do you think Christian has in mind? Thanks as always for the reviews. I am sorry I haven't gotten back to all of you. Just know I appreciate every one of you for taking the time to post a response. **

Chapter 142

**"Mia, Christian," I say when my baby sister finally picks up her cell.**

"What's up big brother?" she says in her usual playful tone.

**"I need your help with something. Can you come to my office for lunch today?"**

"Sure. Care to give me a hint?" She teases.

**"I'd rather tell you when you get here. All I can say it is a big surprise for Ana."**

"Fun! You know how much I love surprises. See you around noon," she says just before hanging up.

**I arrive to GEH extra early today to do some research. I hope Ana will appreciate what I have planned. My main concern is that Mia can't keep her mouth shut since I won't be able to pull it off for a few weeks. While I jot down some ideas I call Flynn. We discuss my newest self-realization. **

_Laughing he says, "I am certainly glad you are finally coming to this conclusion on your own Christian."_

**"I know I'm a little slow in this area, but I can't believe it took this long either. I am grateful that Ana has always taken me back. I haven't always been what I should to her and I need to stop pushing her away when I'm upset."**

_"Yes you have to get better at communicating, but don't forget how far you have come in the last year and a half. I think Ana would disagree with your assumption that you haven't been what she needs. The two of you have found a way to make it work despite both your hang ups and failures. No couple is perfect. Hell, just ask my wife. It is a lot easier to know what you should do than it is to actually do it sometimes, stop being so hard on yourself. So, how is fatherhood?"_

**"I love it. I can't believe how much I love that little man or that I was willing to never experience it. Ana is the best mom. I have reflected a lot on my own mother, actually mothers."**

_"And what conclusions have you come to?" Flynn asks._

**"At first I wondered if Ella ever felt for me what Ana feels for Teddy. Then I realized that it didn't really matter either way. Grace is my mom. She was everything I could have ever asked for and as much as I wish I could have accepted and expressed that love sooner, I can't go back. What I can do is make sure my son and Ana know how much they mean to me."**

_"What about you? Have you finally realized that you deserve Ana, Teddy, to feel and be loved?"_

**"I still struggle with it."**

_"You probably always will. I'm proud of you Christian. I have to admit I wasn't sure that you would ever get here. Oh, I hoped and always saw the potential, but seeing the man you are today is amazing. You know I am always here for you and Ana."_

**"Thanks John. Maybe we could do lunch soon, as friends."**

_"I would like that. Take care and I'll see you soon." _

**After hanging up I reflect on the years I seen Flynn in a professional manner. Although I would have always considered him a friend he had the upper hand. I know he has analyzed ever word from my mouth. Today, he didn't and it feels good to be confident in all areas of my life. Who knew losing control would make me so happy. I must have lost myself in thoughts of the past because when I look up Mia is standing in front of my desk. I can't help but smile at my baby sister and think not long ago I would have been livid that she just barged into my office. I have never been able to stay mad at her long, but today all I feel is love for the amazing woman that she has become. I don't express this to her. Jesus, what has Ana done to me and do I even care? I walk around my desk and wrap her into a hug. "Thanks for coming Mia."**

_"You're welcome Christian. Now what's the big surprise? The suspense is killing me."_

**I go over my plan with her. She gives me some suggestions. I have to admit Mia knows her stuff. Ana was right in suggesting I help with the initial investment in her business. I couldn't be prouder. Andrea brings in lunch and for 2 hours we hash out all the details. When Andrea reminds me of my afternoon meeting I walk Mia to the elevator and kiss her on the forehead. **

_She looks up and says, "This is such a great idea Christian. Ana is going to love it. I can't believe what a romantic you are. I always knew you had it in you. You just needed the right woman to show you the way. I love you, big brother. It's so good to see you happy."_

**I see the tears welling in her eyes and I have to fight my own emotions. "Thanks sis. You're right, Ana makes me very happy and I will spend the rest of my life repaying her for giving me a life I never knew was possible."**

**The rest of the afternoon is filled with boring meetings. More than once I find myself daydreaming about Ana's reaction to my big surprise. Am I doing the right thing? Mia seems to think so, but what if Ana is disappointed? I push the negative thoughts away. Of course she will love it. Ana loves anything I do that proves how much I love her. I get home around 6:30 pm. Gail is finishing up dinner. Ana is putting Teddy to bed. We finally moved him to his crib. He is sleeping 6 to 8 hours at night so there is no need to have him right next to our bed any longer. It was hard for Ana, but I had the top of the line baby monitor installed. It has a color monitor and excellent sound. I miss waking up and seeing the bassinet, but I love having Ana all to myself most of the night. I discard my suit coat and tie. Rolling up my sleeves I go to the nursery just as Ana is finishing her nightly feeding. She allows me to burp Teddy and hold him before I place him in his crib. He is looking more and more like me. He did get Ana's blue eyes for which I am grateful. Ana checks the monitor for the 5****th**** time before we go back downstairs to eat. Over dinner she excitedly shares all the latest news on the house front. The plans should be finalized in the next 2 weeks. Elliot expects that it will be ready for move in before Thanksgiving. Ana is happy to share this news and is hoping to relieve some of the holiday stress from my mom. Other than a few suggestions I have let her have free reign on every aspect of the house. She has been thoroughly researching on her own since the day we decided to move forward. I am impressed with how everything is coming along. The house is nothing like Escala as I would expect. Ana's soul is warm and inviting and our house will reflect that perfectly. It is a place that will be perfect for raising children. Yes, I definitely want more. I'm thinking 4. I imagine that mom and dad would have adopted more if I had not been so screwed up. I am already looking forward to being present for Ana's next pregnancy. **

"You're quiet tonight. Is everything okay?" I ask.

**"Great actually, I was just enjoying listening to you go on about the house. I can't wait to raise our family there with you."**

"Me too, when I look at Teddy I can imagine having a whole passel of kids running around."

**"Funny I was thinking 4 would be the perfect number. I am not sure why, it just feels right."**

I can't help but smile, "Really! You never thought you wanted one and now you are looking forward to four little Grey's?"

**"It's crazy, I know. I just love Teddy so much and I want him to have lots of siblings. I want holidays to be really big and crazy when we grow old."**

"It's not crazy, it's perfect. You're perfect Christian and I love you so much. I can't wait to carry 3 more little Grey's in my tummy." I say reaching for his hand.

The night ends the way every night has since we moved Teddy to his room. Christian worships me over and over until we are both too exhausted to move. The one difference tonight is I am officially not worried if my birth control fails me. After his confession I know he would be happy with whatever fate brought our way. Don't get me wrong I am nowhere near ready to be pregnant again, but if it happened it wouldn't be the end of the world or the end of us.

**The next few weeks I do my best to keep Ana from being suspicious regarding my secret surprise. There were a few times I wanted to spill it all, but Mia was the voice of reason. Who would have thought that would ever happen?**

_"Christian, we have come this far. I know Ana and so do you. She is going to fall deeper in love with you, if that is even possible. You have to see it through."_

**"Fine. I just hate keeping things from her. We promised to try to communicate better."**

_"That is admirable big brother, but you have to trust me on this. I am a woman, like Ana I have estrogen running rampant in my body. What you are doing is going to make her melt. This is one time she will be more than grateful for your poor communication skills."_

**I just laugh at her and go along. In 7 days I will be able to share everything with her. I can't wait!**

Over the last few weeks Christian has been working non-stop. He seems a little distant, which always brings out my insecurities. He has assured me many times that it has just been crazy at GEH and he is hoping to get everything settled down before next weekend. Maybe we should plan a getaway. I could go for getting out of Seattle. I'll wait another week and then see what he thinks. We could go to Aspen. It would be perfect.


	143. Chapter 143

**Hope this meets everyone's expectations. More to come...Thanks for the reviews! Welcome new followers. I know my writing was hard to follow in the beginning. I have gotten somewhat better with my grammar. My original story is even better. I am hoping to get a blog soon to post it. I also have a pinterest page for this story. I am still organizing it but will post a link asap. At the end of the story I will make a play list with all of the songs and chapters I see them fitting with. **

**Chapter 143**

**"Is everything ready for this weekend?" I ask Mia over our standing weekly lunch meeting. **

_"Operation Romance Ana is ready for launch. It is going to be perfect. You have outdone yourself big brother." Mia says clapping her hands excitedly._

**"I couldn't have done this without you Mia. Thanks again for all your work. Are you sure we thought of everything? Mom knows she is keeping Teddy? Gail is prepared to pack Ana's things? Kate is taking Ana to lunch tomorrow where I will pick her up? I feel like I am forgetting something…"**

_"You're forgetting to relax! It's under control Christian. Do you get this flustered when you are doing a big business deal? Surely not? I can't imagine you would be so successful of you had that look on your face." Ana smiles widely._

**"What look?"**

_"You look scared to death…for God sake the woman is head over heels in love with you. Even if this turns into a disaster, which it won't so stop frowning, Ana will be so taken by all the effort you put forth. I know what I'm doing. I'm not 6 anymore. I plan surprises and events for a living, remember. You have to trust me." Mia says in a more serious tone._

**"You know how hard that is for me Mia. I just want everything to be perfect. This is my life not my business. If I lose out on an opportunity to make more money I know there will be another one right around the corner. There will never be another Ana." I say looking down at my hands.**

_Mia reaches across and touches my hand, "You love her and she loves you. That is all the matters. You have Teddy who might I add is perfect! This weekend is just icing. I love you big brother and I will do everything in my power to make sure nothing falls through the cracks. Now, as much as I love sitting here and being the voice of reason to the biggest control freak I know, I have things to do. Go back to your empire and leave this to me."_

**Before I get in the awaiting SUV I wrap Mia in a bear hug and kiss her forehead. "Thanks." Is all I can manage. She squeezes me back.**

_"My pleasure. Now GO!" she says._

**The next morning my stomach is in knots. I have been avoiding Ana all week, blaming it on a high maintenance account that only I can oversee. It wasn't a lie. I am very high maintenance as Mia attested to yesterday. I give her and Teddy a quick kiss before heading to GEH. The morning passes so slowly. I am torn between panic and excitement. I have to trust Mia and the other members of my family to make this work. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I always do everything myself only delegating small tasks to others. Except Ros, she knows my habits and has done an excellent job earning my trust, proving her value to GEH. I am trusting Mia. It feels like she was 6 yesterday. She is emotional and gossipy not to mention exhausting. She never held a job until she started this new business, unless you consider shopping a profession. I have to admit she has exceeded my expectations with her venture. She seems to be willing to learn and has a passion for what she does. Plus Mia loves me and she would do everything in her power to not disappoint me. I call her at least 10 times before it is FINALLY time to pick up Ana a few blocks away having lunch with Kate. **

ANA

This morning once again he left in a whirlwind. I have to sit him down and talk about his inability to balance work and family lately. We need a getaway. I will go to the market today and pick up some things to make him a romantic dinner for two. Maybe Grace will keep Teddy for the night and I can concentrate solely on Christian. Yes! That is perfect. Good thinking Ana. You need to just remind him of what he is missing out on when he locks himself away in his office. Then once you have his undivided attention you can bring up a trip to Aspen. I call Grace, she is more than happy to keep Teddy. I convince Gail to watch Teddy for a bit while Luke and I stroll through the market. It has been so long since I have felt free to explore on my own. I know I am not technically alone, but Luke is like family. I stop and enjoy the fish market, always so entertaining. I have seen them tossing the fresh catches of the day probably a hundred or more times in my lifetime. It never gets old. In the car back to Escala Kate calls asking me to meet her for lunch. She's been MIA since marrying Elliott in December. Who can blame her, I am looking forward to catching up. I drop my items intending to pick up Teddy, but Gail insists that I enjoy my girl time. I need to do something special for her soon. I quickly feed Teddy relieving my aching bosom. Luke drops me at the front door of the restaurant. Kate is already seated.

"Have you been waiting long? I had to feed Teddy before I left," I explain.

_"I just arrived. How is that sweet boy of yours? I need to come by and see him. I bet he is getting so big. I feel so bad that I have been preoccupied. Can you ever forgive me?"_

"I understand. If I was a newlywed with no family responsibilities you would have a hard time getting me to leave Christian's side. How is everything? Is marriage all that you thought it would be? You and Elliott didn't live together before hand like Christian and I so I was curious if it has been an adjustment?"

_"Sort of, I spent most of my time there but combining our belongings was interesting. We each have distinctive styles and compromising has been hard."_

I laugh at her admission. I can imagine Kate wanted everything her way. I never cared one way or the other so she had carte blanche with our apartment. Elliott is laid back but designs and builds high end homes and restaurants for a living. I assume he likes control in that area. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that, no doubt, loud conversation. "Well did you come to an agreement?"

_"Eventually and the makeup sex was mind blowing." Kate snickers._

If Christian wasn't such a private person I might expound on our many make up sex sessions. Knowing Kate she wouldn't know how to keep her mouth shut and use the information to try to be funny later. I just give her a knowing look and we have an understanding that I am in complete agreement. There is nothing better than a man trying to say he is sorry with his sexual prowess.

"Tell me about the honeymoon? Skip the bedroom details. Did you even come out of the room?"

_"Not for the first 3 days. We had a private bungalow on the water it was so amazing. I will say that husband of mine can be quite the romantic."_

"I know what you mean. Christian thinks he is horrible at romance. I completely disagree. I wonder if Carrick is the same way."

_"I would assume so. Christian and Elliott have completely different personalities. Carrick must have been an influence. Plus there is no way he and Grace would be so happy together without any romance."_

"Yes. We need to grill Grace about some of the over the top things Carrick has done for her over the years."

We continue our conversation for the next hour. Leaving the restaurant together we hug and promise to start making more of an effort to spend quality time together, not just during family dinners. Luke opens my door. I wave one last time to Kate before slipping inside. I'm caught off guard when I see Christian on the opposite side grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had meetings all day?" I ask.

**"I may have stretched the truth a little. I did have meetings this morning." With Mia, on the phone, I think to myself. "This afternoon you are my only priority."**

"Seriously? You don't have to go back to work." I say in an upbeat tone.

**"I'm all yours and we are going away for the weekend."**

"Where are we going? When are we leaving?" I may be just a tad bit excited. I was going to talk to him tonight about getting away, this is perfect timing.

**"We are leaving right now. From this moment I want to spend every waking moment with you. I've missed you." I say pulling her into my lap and nuzzling her neck. Her smell is so intoxicating, a reminder of all the distance I have put between us to keep everything under wraps. **

"Mmmm, I've missed you so much." I feel like he has barely touched me in a week and my body is starving for the slightest attention. "Wait. We are leaving right now? As in not going back to Escala, right now?" My mind is running through all of the things I haven't done. I can't leave now. Where is Teddy going to stay, I don't have a bag packed, I need to make a list of all of his habits and routines, not to mention I can't wear these clothes for 2 more days. Christian must have seen my panic.

**"Ana, stop stressing. It's all taken care of. Teddy is settled at my parent's house already. Gail packed for the both of you. I made sure everything was in order. I want you to just sit back and relax."**

I stare at him in disbelief. My conversation with Kate comes rushing back. The Grey men are definitely romantic. It is like he read my mind. I will miss Teddy horribly, but I know we need this time. "Thank you." I say choking back tears.

**"You're welcome baby. I don't want you to worry about a thing. It's just you and me and we are going to make the most of it."**

"Where are we going?" I ask.

**"The house near Mount Baker, I hope that is okay. You seemed to love it last time and I knew you wouldn't want to be too far from Teddy."**

"It's perfect. I can't believe you planned all of this. Who helped you?" I am a little suspicious.

**"What do you mean? You doubt that I could have orchestrated this all on my own?" I sound a little hurt.**

"I think you are capable, but you have been so busy. I can't imagine when you had the time." He just smiles the most mischevious smile. I slap his arm. "You weren't really as busy as you led on, were you?" He nods, no. "You've been keep your distance, afraid to tip me off." He nods, yes. "How dare you! I was so lonely. I had even begun struggling with my fears of you pulling away." His face drops.

**"I'm sorry baby. I had no idea. I missed you too, but my intentions were honorable. I just wanted to surprise you. It is hard to keep things from you and with Teddy I had to start planning a little sooner." Not a complete lie. I have so much in store for the weekend. "Please forgive me. Had I known I would have made sure to reassure you." I say cupping her cheeks in my hands.**

"You're forgiven. The thought of having you all to myself for a while makes it all seem like a distant memory. I love you Christian Grey!" I lean in for a kiss quickly losing myself. When I finally come up for air my cheeks are flush and my heart rate quickened. Christian is no better off. His eyes are dilated. We are both feeling the effects of the last few weeks.

**"I know what we are doing the minute we walk through that door."**

A shiver runs through my spine at the thought of him taking me against the wall. The next 2 hours are going to be blissful torture.

Luke unloads the bags when we arrive. Christian practically drags me up the stairs to the master bedroom, his inner caveman alive and well. It's hot, really hot!

**"This is going to be hard and fast Ana."**

"Okay." I whisper. He practically rips my clothes from me right inside the door, discards his own. Then picks me up, pushing me against the door. He is feral, hungry for connection. We are nipping, licking desperately. He slams into me growling when he hits the deepest portion. We don't say a word, but the sounds of our pleasure bounce off the walls. I dig my heels in pushing him to go faster, harder. It doesn't take long before a familiar feeling is blossoming in my core. I concentrate on it letting it build higher and higher. Christian must sense my need for his domination.

**"LET GO!" He demands.**

The wave rolls through me. He holds all of my weight allowing me to pour all of my energy into my orgasm. It is so intense I barely notice when Christian releases too.

**"FUCK. YES. BABY!"**

His words bring me back to the present my heavylimbs. Christian carries me to the bed. Everything goes black. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I feel is a warm sensation on my skin. I open my eyes as Christian cleans my folds then settles beside me spooning my back to his front. We are back in our cocoon and it feels so good. Sometime later I wake up. It is dark outside, my stomach is growling, but worse my boobs are throbbing. I need to pump and soon. I look for my suitcase, opening the bedroom door in hopes that Luke set it right outside. He did and I smile at how dependable he is. I find that Gail is an excellent packer. The pump is right on top. We need to make sure to never piss her off. I don't think I could function sometimes without her. She has become such an integral part of my daily life. Anastasia Rose Steele, you are becoming such a little snob. I actually like having help? Who would have ever believed it? Gail is more than help. She is family and that is altogether different. I dress in my yoga pants and t-shirt. Once I empty the masses weighing down my chest I go downstairs to start dinner. Christian finds me just as I am finishing up. We settle in for the night, lounging on the couch. He massages my feet while we talk. I have a feeling this is the beginning of a great weekend.

**The next morning my nerves are on edge again. I call Mia before the sun rises. I hide in the laundry room, the last place Ana would expect. She is still asleep, exhausted from our late night of multiple orgasms. Mia once again reassures me that all is well. We go over the time line and I know that I will need to get Ana to our destination no later than 11 am. Hanging up I look at my watch, 5:30 am. I have time for a few more hours sleep. I really want to cuddle in bed with her, but I am wide awake so I settle on a run to clear my head. I return somewhat better. Ana is in the kitchen fixing breakfast. Her hair is piled on top of her head. She is wearing my undershirt, with no bra and skimpy underwear. She looks so relaxed and so beautiful. She can turn heads dressed to the nines, but here like this or spread wide baring down while giving birth are when I find her the most irresistible. She must feel my eyes on her because she looks up and gives me a warm smile. Today I will make her mine. My chest swells with pride, love, and other emotions I can't find words for. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life, Ana standing in the kitchen unaware of the magical day that awaits her. So beautiful and strong, my light, my love, my MORE.**


	144. Chapter 144

**Thanks for the positive feedback. I like romantic Christian too. This chapter is a sneak peek. I didn't have time to write the entire scene tonight. Rest assured I will give you all the details soon. Let me know if you can guess the location? Happy Reading! Please review. I want to meet all of your expectations with this one. **

Chapter 144

"See something you like, Mr. Grey?" I ask after catching Christian staring at me intently.

**"Always, Miss Steele. You are incredibly sexy especially like this." I say wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her exposed neck. She leans into my embrace resting her head on my shoulder allowing full access to her delicious skin. I nibble the tender part just under her ear and feel her body shiver. As much as I want to spread her open on the counter and bury myself deep inside I know I can't. There is too much to do. Tonight is a different story. **

**"Baby, I really want to spend the day in bed with you…"**

"That sounds like a plan to me."

**"But we can't. I have plans for us today, another surprise."**

"Really? Another one? I underestimate you, Mr. Grey. Where are we going?"

**"You'll find out soon enough. Let's eat because we need to leave soon." **

I leave Christian cleaning up the kitchen at his request. I quickly shower and dress. Settling on a pair of boyfriend jeans, black silk tunic and my chucks I grab a long gold chain for accent, light sweater in case it's chilly and top it off with my yellow straw fedora. Christian is patiently waiting in the living room. He stands and I melt. He looks ruggedly handsome. Choosing to fit into our mountain landscape he sports a red plaid shirt, brown leather jacket, jeans and lace up boots. Not to mention he has thrown on a ball cap and he looks edible.

"Wow!" I say taking all of him in.

**"I could say the same about you. I like you in a hat." I reach out closing the distance between us. Standing chest to chest, I know we need to get moving before I lose my nerve. "Luke is waiting in the car." I say softly. "We need to go."**

"Okay," I reply disappointed.

Once secure in the car I place my hand on the inside of Christian's thigh. He looks to me, eyes full of lust. This is going to be a long day. I hope we are doing something that distracts me from my quivering loins. He pulls a blindfold from his pocket. I feel the moisture increase between my legs.

**"I need you to wear this. I don't want you to see where we are going." I can see that she is turned on by the thought of wearing the blindfold, her body remembering past pleasures. I wish I had time to give her a little taste, but with Luke in ear shot it will have to wait. I promise myself to make this up to her later. I lean in and whisper, "Don't worry baby. I know what you want and I will take care of you later." Her breathing is noticeably different. **

"Promise," I say barely audible. He doesn't answer with words but covers my mouth with his. I suddenly can't wait for this day to be over so I can relieve the ache between my legs. This man does unfathomable things to me. He breaks the kiss aware of where this is headed. I rest my head on his shoulder and ride in silence. A short time later the car stops. Christian slides out then opens my door guiding me by the hand. I try to listen for sounds that I might recognize. I only hear the sounds of nature. The wind in the trees, birds singing, occasionally a car zooming by. I'm more confused than anything. I latch onto his arm and he begins to walk. It is a strange feeling to have to trust someone to guide your every step. At first I feel uneasy, like I might run head first into an immovable object. I clamp down onto his arm and he eases my fears by soothing me with his words.

**"I won't let you fall or run into anything. Trust me Ana. I've got you." **

I relax and trust. He guides my steps with his own adding instructions when I need to take a step. We climb up a stairway and I hear the door close behind me. He lifts the blindfold and I am in a room covered in black fabric. There are 2 people standing directly in front of me. I don't recognize either one of them. I look at Christian bewildered. What kind of surprise is this?

**"Ana this is Mark and Natalie. They will be pampering you for a while." I say, but I can tell she is still unsure. "You have to trust me. Okay?"**

"Okay…I will trust you."

**"Thank you. I have to leave for a little while. I will be back soon. They are going to get you prepared for the surprise. I love you baby. I'll see you in a bit."**

He leaves me alone and they start working their magic. Mark goes to town on my hair. I am grateful that the drive was short helping me to avoid hat hair. There are no mirrors and I am secretly terrified of what the final product will look like. An hour later he circles my chair tucking and pinning one last time before declaring his own genius. I can't help but smile. Mark exits the room leaving Natalie and I alone.

_"Mr. Grey mentioned that you have some scars that you would like covered. Would you mind showing them to me?"_

I am not sure why Christian would want my scars covered unless we are going somewhere with a lot of prying eyes. This whole thing is so confusing. What is that man up to? I reluctantly show her my wrists. The cream Grace gave me has faded them significantly, but they are still noticeable. She looks them over slowly. She seems to be coming up with a game plan while studying my flaws.

_"Do you mind if I see the ones on your back? You can keep the cape on but you will have to remove your bra. Don't worry Miss Steele, I am a professional. I have helped many people including some of the worst burn victims gain confidence in temporarily covering their scars."_

Her tone sets me at ease. Since Mark required the removal of my shirt before he set my hair I reach under the cape and dispose of my bra. Natalie opens the cape running her hands gently over my stripes. I never see them, Christian assures me they are fading as well. He applies the cream twice a day for me.

_"How long have you had these?" Natalie asks._

"5 months." I answer softly.

_"They look amazing for being so fresh. Do you apply anything special to them?"_

I explain that Christian's mother is a physician and tell her about the cream she supplies me with.

_"That is the best stuff on the market. You should avoid laser treatments altogether. The cream seems to be just as effective and less painful. I will start with your back if you don't mind. It shouldn't take me long."_

She doesn't ask how I got them. I am not sure how to describe the torture I endured at the hands of a madman. When she is done she assures me that no one will ever suspect what lies underneath. Natalie continues with my wrists and then my ankles. Watching her work is fascinating. When she is done I stare at my wrists amazed. If I hadn't known differently I would believe the torture was all a dream, the evidence is erased. There is a knock at the door and Christian comes in. He inspects Natalie's work and ultimately gives his approval. Leaning down he captures my lips with his. It is a soft, chased kiss and makes me long for more. He doesn't give in.

**"I just wanted to check on you. I have to go again, but I will see you soon I promise. Just remember that everything I do is for you, ALWAYS!"**

"Where are you going? You are freaking me out Christian." How long is he going to be gone? My head is spinning, trying to figure out why he is being so vague.

**"I am just going downstairs, but you won't see me again until it is time for the big reveal. I want so badly to stay here with you, help you get dressed, run my hands over your body, but I can't. Soon enough you will understand. Do you trust me?"**

"Yes. I am not sure what you are up to Mr. Grey, but I trust you implicitly." I say just before he closes the door.

Just as Natalie is finishing up my face there is another knock. I thought he said I wouldn't see him again until I was dressed? I don't even know what I am supposed to be wearing. Surely he wouldn't have all of this work done to me then ask me to get back into the close I shucked earlier. I grant permission to enter. I don't believe my eyes. Kate, Grace and my mom enter the room. Kate is wearing the bridesmaid dress that we picked last year for my cancelled wedding at Bellevue. My mom is holding Teddy who is dressed in a grey tux and Grace is carrying a gift wrapped box. I stand with my mouth wide open, in shock. Christian Grey has planned a surprise wedding and just when I thought I couldn't love him anymore, I do. He has found the deepest recess of my heart and planted a seed that will never die. The tears start to well, Kate rushes to my side.

_"Don't you dare cry Steele it will ruin your gorgeous makeup."_

"What? How? When?" I babble.

Grace steps forward, setting down the box she takes my hands, _"Darling girl this is just the beginning. Christian will move heaven and earth to make you happy and I know you would do the same for him."_

I hug her tightly and whisper, "I love him so much, Grace."

_"I know you do. Now we have a lot to get done and not a lot of time to do it in." She says picking up the box. "Christian says you need to open this first."_

I unwrap the beautiful wrapping and push away the tissue paper. Inside is a strapless bra, matching silk underwear, a garter belt and stocking. I blush a little knowing Christian picked these out especially for me, no doubt picturing himself peeling me out of them.

_"Damn, Steele that is sexy." Kate says. "I wish Elliott would pick out lingerie for me."_

"Shut up Kate. My mom is in the room." I glance over to my mom still holding Teddy. She just smiles and shakes her head. I instantly feel guilty that I didn't go straight to my son when he entered the room. I set the box down and reach out for him. Mom hands him to me and I am instantly calm. I kiss his cheeks and tell him how much I missed him. He giggles when I nibble under his chin. Oh my goodness he looks so adorable in this tux, my mini Christian. I cuddle him for a few minutes before Grace reminds me that we are pressed for time. She takes him out of the room leaving my mom and Kate to help me dress.

"When did you get here?" I ask my mom.

_"Christian flew us in last night."_

"Of course he did." I smile.

Once I have my lingerie secured I realize that I don't have my dress. I know that Christian kept the original one, but I don't see it anywhere. Kate goes to the door and waives someone in. I look up to see Mia carrying my dress with Kelly and Maggie right behind her. They all look amazing in their grey dresses. I giggle to myself at my ingenious plan to make my wedding shades of grey to represent all of the sides of the man I love. I can imagine his reaction when he found out I went so far as to ask every guest to wear grey as well. Mia hands my dress to Kate then comes to hug me.

"Thank you Mia for all of your work. I can only imagine how hard it was to deal with Christian."

_"He wasn't that bad." She says._

I give her a skeptical look. _"Okay, okay, he was. But this is one time I can understand why he wanted everything perfect. Thank you Ana for loving my brother. He is a different man with you and it does my heart good to see a happy Christian."_

"Oh Mia, Christian has always been the master of his own universe. I just brought him out of denial. I owe him so much. Without him I would be lost. I guess you could say we need each other equally. We are two parts of one soul."

She hugs me again before stepping aside so I can greet Kelly and Maggie. I can't believe they are all here. Kate interrupts our gab session with the clearing of her throat. She is holding my dress so that I can step into it. Once it is zipped up she secures my veil. Mia opens a box that contains my blingy chucks. I laugh remembering when I ordered them. Kate thought I was insane. She was appalled that I would wear tennis shoes under my wedding dress. I slip them on and instantly feel like myself. In heels I would be counting down the moments until I could take them off. Mia removes part of the black sheath to reveal a full length mirror. I gasp at the site of myself. I look freaking AMAZING! Mark was right he created a masterpiece. My makeup is not overdone. I look like myself just enhanced. I move my veil off my back and ask someone to find a hand mirror. I have it within seconds. I am sure they think I just want to see the back of my dress. Actually, I want to see my back. Staring into the hand mirror I run my eyes across every inch of exposed skin, nothing. My back looks smooth and soft. I can feel my emotions getting the better of me so I turn back to the front to look at my silhouette once more.

_"Oh Ana, you look stunning, baby girl." My mom says standing beside me with her arm around my waist. "Do you have any doubts? I just want to make sure this is what you want."_

At first I am taken back by her question, but her eyes contain true concern. Not because she thinks Christian is forcing me into something. She is my mom and her only desire is my happiness. She has made many mistakes in this department and can't possibly understand a love like mine and Christian's. I secretly pity her. I wrap my arm around her and say, "I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I am not me without him, mom."

_"I am happy for you baby. I just wanted to hear you say it. He's a good man and I can tell how much he loves you and Teddy."_

"Thanks mom. I love you and I am so happy you could be here."

_"I love you too, Ana."_

Mia interrupts our love fest announcing that we need to be downstairs in less than 5 minutes. Everyone shuffles out of the room. I stand looking at my reflection just a little longer before I follow suit. When I reach the bottom I know exactly where I am.

"Oh Christian…" I say to myself. "This is so much more than hearts and flowers." This day will live in infamy. Christian Tevelyn-Grey is officially the most romantic man to walk the earth. Mia catches my glance and just smiles a knowing smile. It's perfect!


	145. Chapter 145

**If you are still unsure about the location of the wedding please reread chapter 82. This is Christian's gift to Ana. Thanks for the reviews. I hope I did okay on this chapter. I am not the greatest with descriptions. I have a pinterest page that has pics ranging from clothes that Ana and Christian where throughout the story to the house they are building. search FSFwedding for everything described in this chapter. I will add pics of the reception after I write it. Let me know if you have any issues. **

Chapter 145

Mia makes her way through the bridal party stopping briefly to ensure everyone is certain of their role. When she reaches me she takes a deep breath. I know how much she enjoys her work, but it doesn't make it any less exhausting.

"I can't believe he remembered," my voice is shaky.

_"Christian was adamant that we secure this place. It really is breathtaking. I can understand why you loved it so much. Wait until you see outside. I think you are going to be amazed at how it all came together." Mia says smiling._

"Thanks for everything. Christian may have had the idea, but we both know you made it happen." I wrap her in a tight hug.

_Pulling back Mia says, "Just so you know there are surprises for him as well. There are touches from your original plan, Ana."_

I think back to all of the suggestions I made. I hope Christian appreciates the love that went into them. Mia sets me straight on when I will walk down the aisle. Crap where is my dad? I haven't seen him.

"I can't go down the aisle without my dad. He is here, isn't he?" I ask.

_"He hasn't come to see you yet? Well shit! Let me see if I can track him down." She storms off._

A few minutes later Mia is pulling my dad toward me. He looks confused. Finally he sees me and understands why Mia is so frantic.

**_"Annie…" He says. "You are so beautiful…" He pauses. "You aren't my little girl anymore."_**

I see the sadness in his eyes and I know he needs reassurance. "Don't worry daddy, I'll always be your little girl and you will always be my first love." He kisses my forehead. Mia is barking orders. I see Maggie, Kelly, Mia and Kate exit the church. Here goes nothing, I think to myself. I hug Sawyer and Scout just before they pull Teddy in a white wagon that has a Here Comes the Bride sign on the back. I love that Mia made a place for him. Dad and I both take a deep breath before he opens the doors. We slip outside, making sure not to be seen. The song begins to play and I know it's time.

_(Author's Note: This is a tribute to the original Fifty Shades start as a Twilight Fanfic)_

My dad guides me toward the aisle. We stand still waiting for the first verse to play out. I scan the crowd, noticing it is just as I wanted, a small intimate wedding with my closest friends and family. This is why the paparazzi didn't get wind of Christian's plans. I see Gail, Taylor and Sophie smiling back at me. I can't see over them so I haven't spotted Christian. Pauline gives me a warm smile and I can't help but smile back. I owe her so much for rescuing me on the doorstep in New York.

**_Heart beats fast  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave?  
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall  
But watching you stand alone?  
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_**

_**One step closer**_

Once the chorus starts we take slow deliberate steps. I squeeze my dad's arm reassuring us both.

**_I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_**

Just as the next verse begins to play my I see him. He steals my breath, not because he looks edible in his dark grey suit, but the look on his face as if he is seeing me for the very first time. A shiver runs down my spine at the feeling of him saying the words in the song in my ear.

**_Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me  
Every breath  
Every hour has come to this_**

_**One step closer**_

I never take my eyes off of him as the chorus repeats.

**_I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_**

_**And all along I believed I would find you**_  
_**Time has brought your heart to me**_  
_**I have loved you for a thousand years**_  
_**I'll love you for a thousand more**_

_**One step closer**_  
_**One step closer**_

I am almost to him. I feel my dad squeeze tighter. My feelings are mixed. My heart aches for him knowing he is officially letting me go. He is entrusting me to Christian and I know it isn't easy. I can feel my excitement rise at the thought of becoming Mrs. Christian Grey. The chorus repeats one more time as Christian thanks my dad for his influence in my life. **_  
_**  
**_I have died everyday waiting for you  
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you  
For a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_**

_**And all along I believed I would find you**_  
_**Time has brought your heart to me**_  
_**I have loved you for a thousand years**_  
_**I'll love you for a thousand more**_

I kiss my dad on the cheek before taking Christian's hand and moving toward him. I mouth silently, "I love you." He smiles and visibly relaxes.

**Watching Ana walk down the aisle is surreal. She is breathtaking. I am overwhelmed by the emotions that run through me. I can't take my eyes off of her. This is the moment we have both waited so long for. She has given me a son and now she will officially be mine. I let the lyrics of the song settle on me. It is beautiful. Each word touches my soul. I feel like I have loved her forever. I wasn't even alive until she touched me with her light. The second verse says everything. She has taught me to be brave and nothing will separate us, EVER. Ray pauses. I can see his hesitation to let his little girl go. I can imagine this is how I will feel one day with my own daughter. I try to set his mind at ease.**

**"I hope I will be half the father you have been Ray. I promise to cherish her every day." **

**He smiles, handing me Ana's hand then goes to sit. I guide her toward me. I want to pull her close so that our bodies are touching. I want to feel her breath on me. She silently tells me she loves me. I feel the tension leave my body. The fear of this plan blowing up in my face is gone. The minister leads us in prayer then another song begins. This is from me to my Ana. I searched for a song that said everything. I settled on ****_My Love, By Lionel Richie. _****I lean in as the music starts I lean in and whisper in Ana's ear, "I mean every word."**

**_I've been through so many changes in my life woman  
It's a wonder I ain't lost my mind  
And I ain't never said how much I need you sugar  
But I sho' need you by my side_**

_**My love, just thinking about you baby**_  
_**Just blows my mind**_  
_**My love, just thinking about you baby**_  
_**Just blows my mind all the time**_

_**Life with me I know for sure it ain't be easy**_  
_**But you stayed with me anyway**_  
_**And even though you ain't gonna lose too much by leaving**_  
_**I'm so glad you stayed**_

_**You've been my friend and you've been my lover, oh loud**_  
_**Honey you're everything I need**_  
_**You've made my love so strong now I know where I belong**_  
_**Oh girl you'll never have to worry**_  
_**Oh baby any more, any more**_

_**My love, just thinking about you baby**_  
_**Just blows my mind**_  
_**My love, just thinking about you baby**_  
_**Just blows my mind all the time**_

I feel the tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. Christian reaches up and wipes them gently away. My dad has always loved Lionel Richie, he's a hopeless romantic, I never dreamed Christian would choose such an emotional song to share with me in front of everyone. He has said and done many romantic things during our relationship, never with an audience. This public display of affection stirs my soul. The minister explains that we have chosen to write our own vows. I panic, I didn't know I was getting married today. I don't have anything prepared.

**"Don't worry. I'll go first. Just say what you feel Ana. You are a writer after all." I say trying to ease her fears. She nods and I begin.**

**Ana- **

**In your eyes I have found my home. In your heart I have found my love. You are the other half of my soul. With you I am whole, full, and alive. I promise to encourage your compassion for this is what makes you unique to the world. I promise to nurture your dreams because through them your soul shines. There is nothing we cannot face if we stand together you are my partner for life, my equal in all things. Not a possession to be ruled but an asset to be cherished. I vow perfect love and perfect trust. One lifetime with you will never be enough to show all that you are to me. I am yours and you are mine, forever more.**

He slips on the engagement ring along with the new band signifying our union. I hand Kate my bouquet made of antique broaches then wipe my face again. I am certain I must look like a blubbering mess, but right now I don't care. I take his hands in my own pausing to gather my thoughts. I use his words to encourage my own vows.

Christian-

You amaze me, each day I rediscover you. You are my inspiration, my soul's fire. You provide a safe place for me, the likes I have never known. You are not just my lover. You are my best friend. You have set me free to sing my own song. In you I have found my partner, my equal. I too vow perfect love and perfect trust. You are my first and only love. I am yours and you are mine, forever more.

I see a tear trickle down his cheek. I place a platinum band with a small square diamond set in the center then reach up and wipe his tears just as he wiped mine. The minister declares us husband and wife giving Christian permission to kiss his bride.

**He barely gets the words out and I pull Ana close planting my lips on hers. We seem to forget that we have an audience and get lost in the intimacy of the moment. A song begins to play signaling the bridal party to exit and causing us to regain our composure. **

As Phillip Phillips sings GONE, GONE, GONE I hold onto Christian waiting for our turn.

**_When life leaves you high and dry  
I'll be at your door tonight  
If you need help, if you need help  
I'll shut down the city lights,  
I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe  
To make you well, to make you well_**

_**When enemies are at your door**_  
_**I'll carry you away from war**_  
_**If you need help, if you need help**_  
_**Your hope dangling by a string**_  
_**I'll share in your suffering**_  
_**To make you well, to make you well**_

_**Give me reasons to believe**_  
_**That you would do the same for me**_

_**And I would do it for you, for you**_  
_**Baby, I'm not moving on**_  
_**I love you long after you're gone.**_  
_**For you, for you.**_  
_**You would never sleep alone**_  
_**I love you long after you're gone**_  
_**And long after you're gone, gone, gone.**_

_**When you fall like a statue**_  
_**I'm gon' be there to catch you**_  
_**Put you on your feet, you on your feet**_  
_**And if your well is empty**_  
_**Not a thing will prevent me**_  
_**Tell me what you need, what do you need**_

_**I surrender honestly**_  
_**You've always done the same for me**_

_**So I would do it for you, for you.**_  
_**Baby, I'm not moving on**_  
_**I love you long after you're gone.**_  
_**For you, for you.**_  
_**You would never sleep alone.**_  
_**I love you long after you're gone**_  
_**And long after you're gone gone gone.**_

_**You're my back bone,**_  
_**You're my cornerstone**_  
_**You're my crutch when my legs stop moving**_  
_**You're my head start,**_  
_**You're my rugged heart**_  
_**You're the pulse that I've always needed**_  
_**Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating**_  
_**Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating**_  
_**Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating**_  
_**Like a drum my heart never stops beating**_

As the last chorus plays we start walking toward the rest of the party. Before I realize what is happening Christian scoops me up in his arms planting a kiss on my lips. I vaguely see a flash through my closed eyes. That is one picture I will have framed.

**_For you, for you  
Baby I'm not moving on  
I love you long after you're gone.  
For you, for you.  
You would never sleep alone  
I love you long after you're gone.  
For you, for you.  
Baby I'm not moving on,  
I love you long after you're gone.  
For you, for you.  
You would never sleep alone.  
I love you long, long after you're gone._**

**_Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating_**  
**_Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating_**  
**_Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating_**  
**_Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you_**

**_And long after you're gone, gone, gone._**  
**_I love you long after you're gone gone, gone._**

Once my feet are firmly on the ground we are both surrounded by well-wishers. Christian announces that there will be a reception at our vacation house a short distance away.

"OUR?" I ask.

**"Yes, ours, I had to. I don't want anyone else tainting our memories."**

I just laugh. I agree and am secretly happy that he spent his money on such a lavish gift. Christian and I cuddle and kiss Teddy for, but allow Gail and Taylor to take him to the house. We both know it will be a good while before we get any alone time tonight. Pulling out of the church I look back at the beautiful decorations that Mia worked so hard on. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't fully appreciate how talented she is. Christian interrupts my thoughts.

**"Well Mrs. Grey, did it live up to your expectation?"**

Mrs. Grey...I am finally Anastasia Grey. "Oh. Mr. Grey if I wasn't so in awe of you right now I would be ticked that you kept me in the dark for so long. It was perfect. More than I could have dreamed up. Thank you, for everything." I lean into him.

**"I live to make you happy Ana." He says.**

Then pulling me into his lap he leaves me breathless with a passionate kiss. I am officially HIS. FOREVER.


	146. Chapter 146

**Sorry it has been so long. Illness has been running rampant in our house. I was the last to get it, but it has really taken its toll. I am feeling better today and was able to write a short chapter. I will be expounding on the reception as well as the honeymoon in the next few chapters. We are coming close to the end, I will try to wrap up the story with a look into Christian and Ana's future. Thanks as always for reading. Again I am sorry this is short. Something is better than nothing right?**

**Don't forget to check out my pinterest page: http: shandystogsdill fsfwedding (replace the spaces with /)**

Chapter 146

I spend the peaceful ride back to the house tucked closely to Christian's side. Neither of us speaks. I haven't felt this at peace ever. Christian strokes my hair relaxing me more. I close my eyes and just feel. His heart beats strong under me, my own matches its rhythm. I will love this man until my heart ceases to beat. I don't notice the car coming to a stop. Taylor opens the door and interrupts bursting my peaceful bubble. Christian slips out of the car then helps me exit securing the layers of my dress.

**"Just a few more hours and then I will have you all to myself, my beautiful bride." I say pressing her body close to my own. **

"I can't wait…my perfect husband."

We walk toward the house but instead of going inside we go around back. I can't help but gasp at the sight before me. How did they make this happen in such a short time? When we left this morning there was nothing and now it is a wonderland. The sun is beginning to set and the lights are shining brightly through the trees creating a soft light that sets everything aglow. Mia has truly out done herself today. She has proven her talent, not that I ever doubted, but Christian must understand now that his baby sister is all grown up. I glance up noticing the awe on his face as well.

"Amazing…" I whisper.

**"I truly under estimate my baby sister." Mia has surpassed all expectations. My chest swells with pride. I wrap my arm around Ana's waist and gently guide her toward our guests. She immediately asks where Teddy is and then leaves me to assist her mother with getting him to bed. **

"You don't mind do you? I miss him so much. I just want my face to be that last one he sees tonight." Ana says.

**"Just give me a minute and I'll be right behind you." Once she is out of earshot I find Mia.**

**"I have to admit that you are good at what you do baby sister."**

_"Coming from you big brother that means a lot. I know it must have taken everything in you to not find the one thing that was out of place." Mia says laughing and hitting my arm._

**"I'm not that bad…" She rolls her eyes, "okay you're right, but really Mia I couldn't be prouder." I wrap her in a hug and kiss the top off her head.**

_"Seriously thank you, but you need to stop or I am going to be a blubbering mess. There is still plenty of work to be done."_

**"Speaking of…I just wanted to make sure you got my email about the music?"**

_"I did. Everything is ready. Go find Ana and enjoy yourself Christian. Let me stress about the details." She shoos me away._

**"Fine. You win. Thanks again Mia…for everything."**

_"My pleasure and I love you too. Now go!" _

**I find Ana rocking Teddy in the guestroom. I stand in the doorway for a few minutes. This is my life. How is it possible? Before Ana I was content in my loneliness. I had come to terms with my lot in life. Standing here, I know love and life because she took a chance with me. Now I am husband and father. I'm truly happy, my past is finally nothing more than a memory. I can't stay put any longer. I have to touch them. Ana leans into my embrace and I kiss Teddy on the forehead. **

**"Thank you…" I whisper. She just smiles. We enjoy our private moment. **

_"I hate to interrupt this, but everyone is asking where you two are." Mia says reluctantly._

**"We'll be right there." She doesn't argue turning to go back downstairs. "We should go." I say to Ana.**

"I know, just one more minute, if you don't mind. I just want my two men all to myself for just a little longer." Christian nods and buries his face in my neck kissing it softly and whispering about how much he loves being a family.

I hesitantly lay Teddy in his bed. Christian leads me downstairs but stops shy of the backdoor. His eyes search mine. I think back to a time when he kept his feelings so guarded that I couldn't decipher what was in his eyes. Tonight he lets me see everything…I see our past, present and future and though the trials and the pain are present they are just a reminder of how strong we are together, but in the darkness there is a glimmer of hope, a brightness like I have never seen in him and I feel it too. We nod in understanding before going outside together.


	147. Chapter 147

**Sorry for the lack of posting. I have been trying to write for the last 3 weeks and every time I sit down it seems like I get interrupted. This is the rest of the reception enjoy! Thanks to all of the new followers and favorites it's very humbling. **

Chapter 147

After taking time to chat with all of our family and friends we sit down to eat. It is obvious that Mia let Christian pick the menu. I just smile as the waiter places the food in front of me. There is no scrimping on the amount of food everyone receives. My husband wants to make sure no one leaves our wedding hungry. Other than breakfast and a few snacks I haven't had much to eat today and just smelling the divine 5 star meal in front of me makes my mouth water and my stomach growl.

**"I hope you like it." Christian whispers in my ear.**

"I am sure it is delicious and even if it is horrible, I am so hungry it won't matter." I say with a wink.

He knows it's perfect. Hell everything the man does is practically perfect. I have to admit that his insecurity with pleasing me is very endearing and something I never thought I would see when we first met. I just tack on another reason to worship Christian Grey. We eat in silence, both too engrossed in filling our stomachs to speak. I can't believe I actually clean my plate. Not that I am afraid to eat, hell I love food, it was just A LOT. This is one time my stomach was definitely as big as my eyes. I settle back into my seat sipping on my wine. Since we are seated at the head table with the rest of the wedding party it gives me a chance to scan the crowd. People watching is always entertaining, I notice Grace in an animated conversation with her parents. Carrick is obviously listening intently to Ray talking shop or fishing. When he pipes in with what seems like advice I know it must be the latter since he is an avid fisherman. My mom and Bob are entertaining Scout and Sawyer so Maggie and Mark can sit with the rest of us at the front. I love those kids. Mom seems to appreciate them too. It makes me wish that she lived closer to be a bigger part of Teddy's life. I push aside my brief moment of sadness to scan our table. All of my best friends are present. Jose and Kelly, discussing God knows what, but I am sure it is deep and undoubtedly thought provoking. Mia is making googoo eyes at Jacob. He leans in and kisses her cheek. I have a feeling, theirs will be the next wedding we all attend. Elliott has his arm around Kate and she is leaned into his body obviously secure and relaxed. My best friend is officially my sister. We will raise our kids together and grow old side by side. Mr. and Mrs. Grey are leisurely talking to Maggie and Mark. It could be about anything. That is what I love about my bosses, they can carry on an intelligent conversation about just about anything and the greatest part is they never come across as know-it-alls. I feel Christian's arm wrap around my shoulders and my chair scoots closer to him. I lean my head against him and smile. It doesn't get better than this.

**"I would pay anything to know what you are thinking this very moment Mrs. Grey." **

"Right then I was thinking that I love hearing you call me Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey."

**"Good because you are going to be hearing it a lot, as in forever." He says kissing my temple.**

"Forever isn't long enough. I don't think I have ever been this happy. That isn't true. When I held Teddy for the first time will always be the happiest day of my life, but this, tonight with all of the people I love, becoming yours is a close second."

**"You know you were mine and I was yours before we made it official, right. Since the day I looked into those endless blue eyes of yours I knew that was it. My mind fought what my heart knew, but thank God you didn't give up on my Ana. I love you baby more than life."**

"I could never give up on you. Funny you think you were always the problem, the challenge, the broken one. Actually it was me. You make me feel beautiful, loved, cherished and no one has ever done that. I used to wonder why me? I wasn't anything special. I was so insecure and scared that one day you would wake up and realize the same thing, but you actually taught me that I am special. I am special to you and I deserve to be content and happy. You make me so happy Mr. Grey, thank you for showing me what love really is."

Before Christian can say anything in response Elliott stands and clangs his fork to his wine glass. I can only imagine what this speech is going to consist of.

_"Most of you were at Christian and Ana's engagement party and heard my speech so I won't go on and on. I just want to reiterate how grateful the entire Grey family is that Anastasia Steele stole Christian's heart. Obviously, I am especially thankful since I got this gorgeous woman as my wife in the deal." He says pointing to Kate. "My brother is lucky to have such a wonderful woman to share his life with. I know you already know this Ana, but you are pretty lucky too. Christian, though he hasn't always known it or shown it has one of the biggest hearts in the world. Take good care of him, he's pretty special." He looks directly at Christian. "I love you little brother."_

I can't help the tear that rolls down my cheek. I was prepared for funny, off color, even sarcastic, but that was just beautiful. Could it be that Elliott Grey is growing up? We all lift our glasses and toast to Elliott's thoughtful words. As Kate stands I smile. She gives me a big smile back.

_"First, like Elliott I have to thank Ana and Christian for bringing us together. Today, my best friend became my sister in name not just heart. I have to admit that I have not always been Christian's biggest fan. It is probably because we are both type A personalities." _

"You think," I mutter under my breath.

_"However, he loves Ana, anyone can see that and that trumps any irritating personalities flaws he may possess. I have no doubt that these two were meant to be. If any two people could claim to be soul mates, it's Ana and Christian. Elliott and I love each other beyond words, but Ana and Christian have already endured trials that would break most couples and yet here they sit husband and wife, parents to the cutest little boy on the planet at least for another few years." _

She winks at me and I can't help but laugh.

_"I won't stand here and wish them a long and happy life. I have no doubt that is exactly what they will have because they have each other. I love you both and congratulations." She lifts her glass and we toast._

**"That was very sweet of Kate. Looks like I am finally wearing her down." **

"Don't count on it. You two are like oil and water. I am sure all will be back to normal at the next family function. Don't pretend you don't love to banter with her. I see the look in your eyes when you rile her up."

**"Guilty." He says shaking his head.  
**

Mia stands and announces that it is time for the father-daughter dance. I look at Ray as he stands to retrieve me. I meet him on the dance floor. At my original wedding I let Ray pick a song to surprise me with. I am sure Mia kept to the plan. As the music starts he wraps me in his arms and kisses my cheek.

"I love you daddy." I say kissing him back. I haven't called him daddy since I was a little girl, but it just feels right.

_"I love you too baby girl, Always."_

I don't recognize the song. It is obviously a country song. I never thought Ray was a fan of country.

**_Look at the two of you dancing that way  
Lost in the moment and each other's face  
So much in love your alone in this place  
Like there's nobody else in the world  
I was enough for her not long ago  
I was her number one  
She told me so  
And she still means the world to me  
Just so you know  
So be careful when you hold my girl  
Time changes everything  
Life must go on  
And I'm not gonna stand in your way_**

As the song plays and I listen closely to the words I realize exactly why he chose this song. It says everything he can't. Ray has never been a man of many words. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I was loved, but more from his actions than his words. Over the years he has gotten better at expressing his love. I think it must be age.

**_But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But it still hard to give her away  
I loved her first_**

_**How could that beautiful women with you**_  
_**Be the same freckle face kid that I knew**_  
_**The one that I read all those fairy tales to**_  
_**And tucked into bed all those nights**_  
_**And I knew the first time I saw you with her**_  
_**It was only a matter of time**_

_**But I loved her first and I held her first**_  
_**And a place in my heart will always be hers**_  
_**From the first breath she breathed**_  
_**When she first smiled at me**_  
_**I knew the love of a father runs deep**_  
_**And I prayed that she'd find you someday**_  
_**But it's still hard to give her away**_  
_**I loved her first**_

_**From the first breath she breathed**_  
_**When she first smiled at me**_  
_**I knew the love of a father runs deep**_  
_**Someday you might know what I'm going through**_  
_**When a miracle smiles up at you**_  
_**I loved her first**_

By the time the song is over we are both crying. It was wonderfully perfect. He is giving his blessing to my marriage and at the same time making sure I understand the depths of his love.

"Thank you daddy. I love you too! ALWAYS."

He holds me tight for a few minutes. I am sure there is not a dry eye in the house.

_"It's time for me to let you go. I know Christian is a good man and most of all I know he loves you, but if he ever hurts you he better know I will kill him with my bare hands."_

**"I don't doubt that Ray. Believe me when I say I will never intentionally hurt your daughter and for all of the unintentional times I will be beating myself up enough for both of us." Christian says looking directly into Rays eyes.**

Ray nods in understanding before passing me off to Christian.

"You're a good man Mr. Grey." I say place my hands around his neck.

The music starts and my eyes go wide. "I can't believe you remembered this song. That was so long ago."

**"How could I forget? It was the first time any girl had dedicated a song to me."**

"Somehow I doubt that. I am sure I was the only one brave enough to actually send it to you." I laugh knowing I am right.

**_When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
Well, there's so much they hold  
And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?_**

"That is so true you know. Your eyes have always given you away." He smiles and we get lost in the dance.

**_Well, I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_**

_**And when you're needing your space**_  
_**To do some navigating**_  
_**I'll be here patiently waiting**_  
_**To see what you find**_

_**'Cause even the stars they burn**_  
_**Some even fall to the earth**_  
_**We've got a lot to learn**_  
_**God knows we're worth it**_  
_**No, I won't give up**_

_**I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily**_  
_**I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make**_  
_**Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use**_  
_**The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake**_  
_**And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend**_  
_**For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn**_  
_**We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in**_  
_**I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am**_

_**I won't give up on us**_  
_**Even if the skies get rough**_  
_**I'm giving you all my love**_  
_**I'm still looking up, still looking up.**_

_**Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)**_  
_**God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)**_  
_**We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)**_  
_**God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)**_

_**I won't give up on us**_  
_**Even if the skies get rough**_  
_**I'm giving you all my love**_  
_**I'm still looking up**_

"Isn't it amazing how much more those lyrics mean now? Kate is right we have made it through so much and we didn't give up. I'll never give up on us, ever."

**"You're stuck with me Mrs. Grey. I hope you are up for the next 60 or more years. I am going to drive you crazy."**

"Oh Christian, I'm already crazy…for you." It was corny but I couldn't help it.

The rest of the evening went by in a flash. We danced, laughed, ate cake. Mia caught the bouquet, I must be psychic. At the end of the night Christian announced that everyone was welcome to stay the night, but we would not be joining them. I just looked at him in shock. It was late and neither of us was up to driving anywhere. Where in the world were we going? He refused to tell me of course. More surprises and I loved every minute.


	148. Chapter 148

**Again I am sorry for my absence. Kiddos are out of school so writing time is limited. Welcome to all the new followers. I appreciate all of your reviews. Some of you don't log in when you review and so I am not able to respond personally. Just know that I am always humbled by your positive feedback. I hope this lives up to expectations. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 148

I was racking my brain trying to figure out what he had up his sleeve. Christian just sat silent with a smug grin on his face. He was enjoying torturing me. I was even more confused when we stopped in the middle of nowhere. His smile was getting wider and my confusion growing by the second. Then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of helicopter blades getting closer and closer and even though I knew we would be flying somewhere in Charlie Tango I still had no idea where. Were we headed back to Escala? I can't imagine going too far…not sure if I would be able to leave Teddy for much longer. I was torn. I want to be alone with my husband, but I miss my baby terribly. Christian must have sensed my hesitation. Pulling me into his chest he spoke directly into my ear to drown out the piercing sounds of the landing vessel.

**"Don't worry. As much as I want to keep you all to myself for a few weeks I know it isn't possible. However, I plan on whisking you away at a moment's notice several times over the next few months to make up for it. Let's just say we will be honeymooning many, many times."**

And just like that my unease was gone. This man knows me so well. I couldn't wait for what lay ahead. Once I was secured inside, Christian spoke to the pilot then joined me in the back. I half expected him to take over, flying us into the night, but he remained by my side and I knew this was for my benefit. I loved seeing his excitement when he let go in his many toys, but tonight I was selfish, not wanting to share. I rested my head on his shoulder and he leaned down to kiss my forehead. The day had been full of emotions. At this point we merely sat in comfortable silence content just being together. Not so long ago I would have questioned his silence. Wondering what he was thinking, second guessing his feelings for me. Now I welcomed it. Christian may not always be the greatest communicator, but I don't doubt his devotion to me. We weren't in the air long. It was hard to know what direction we had been traveling in the darkness of night. I still had no idea where we were. There were no signs of the city lights that would be unmistakable in Seattle or Vancouver. Hmmmm…..I couldn't help trying to figure out this mystery.

**"Relax, you are going to love it. " Christian said grabbing my hand and guiding me into the darkness. **

There was a car waiting for us. We slipped in a drove for a few miles. When I finally saw the lights they were brilliant. Nestled in the darkness I couldn't help but be in awe.

"It's beautiful." I scanned the area still unsure of our location. It didn't matter this was Christian, controlling, perfectionist CEO and everything he did was amazing. I relaxed. Seeing the sign as we pulled in I was suddenly giddy.

"I have always wanted to come here. How did you know?" I whispered my eyes shining with appreciation.

**"I have always wanted to bring you here. I've only been in this area on business, but this was the first place I thought of for a quick romantic getaway with my beautiful wife."**

The valet opens my door and I slip out waiting for Christian to cross behind the car so we can enter together. The Fairmont Chateau on Lake Louise does not disappoint. I had sensory overload and I was just in the lobby. I couldn't wait for the sun to rise allowing me to set eyes on the lake surrounded by snow covered mountains. We are greeted by the manager who practically trips over himself to make everything perfect for Mr. and Mrs. Grey. I find the whole thing humorous. We are just people. Granted with a crap load of money, but seriously I was transported to another dimension. Christian caught me rolling my eyes and just laughed. He was accustom to everyone falling at his feet and he knew I found the entire spectacle ridiculous. I preferred my anonymity.

**"You better get used to it Mrs. Grey."**

"I seriously doubt I will ever be used to such pomp and circumstance." I laughed.

After being fussed over for what felt like forever we finally made it to our room. I guess room is not the best description of the space. It was larger than mine and Kate's apartment. It had 2 bedrooms with 2 full baths. I can only imagine what the view looked like.

"Really? What do we need with all this space?" I asked inquisitively. I mean I know he has money, but it seems like such a waste when it was just the 2 of us.

**"Oh Mrs. Grey we will utilize every single square foot." Christian said with a gleam in his eye.**

All I could say in response was, "Oh…" My body instantly responding to the sexual undertones in his voice.

Christian closed the space between us capturing my lips with his. My body hummed wanting him to devour me. My hands traveled under his jacket caressing his taunt back muscles. He groaned in appreciation and shrugged off the coat letting it drop to the floor. I could tell he was getting frustrated trying to dispose of my dress. Unfortunately, this would not be an easy task since it was secured with several tiny buttons in lieu of a zipper. I smiled, our mouths still attached.

"I think this will be a true test of your patience Mr. Grey."

**"Damn, I just want you naked, NOW!" His tone was one of severe frustration.**

"Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen easily. I would say rip it off of me, but I love this dress and I don't think I could bare to see it damaged even for such a worthwhile cause."

**"Well then looks like I will just have to take my sweet time torturing you." His eye lit up, not doubt thinking of all the things he would be doing to me.**

"You don't play fair." I responded.

**"You are the one that chose this dress. Don't deny that you considered the fact that it would drive me mad trying to take it off of you." **

He was right of course. I had forgotten that it was one of the reasons I loved it so much. When I tried it on I instantly pictured Christian having to undo every last button to get to my body. All the while knowing that once he had succeeded with the task his resolve would be spent and my pleasure would undoubtedly be heightened. The memory along with the knowledge that the time had arrived gave me a shiver of excitement. Christian pulled me into the master suite and sat on in bed turning my body back facing him. With each button he kissed my skin softly. I was ablaze with desire and he knew it taking his sweet time with his hands and his lips. Then he added a third element to my torture. He sang my praises, telling me how beautiful I was, perfect in fact. Reminding me of his lack of self-control when it came to possessing me.

**"I have waited so long for you to be mine, Ana. I am never letting you go." He declared as the last button sprung free and the dress dropped from my frame and pooled at me feet. **

I slipped out of my shoes and the dress simultaneously. Christian's eye's where practically bulging out of his head as they scanned my body. His worshiping gaze set me on fire. I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world standing in front of him.

**"I knew you would look exquisite when I picked those out…you look perfect. Fucking perfect Ana."**

"You have far too many clothes on Mr. Grey. I pulled him up and unbuttoned his shirt while he ran his hands up and down my body. Funny, it was my resolve that was crumbling. I wanted him in me, but I knew Christian would not rush this. After all it was our first time as husband and wife and it should be slow, special. When his shirt fell to the floor I ran my hands appreciatively over his chest and stomach. I married a sex god. Most women would never be loved like this in a lifetime and he was my first, my only and my last. I must have done something right in a past life to deserve such a man. I was so full of love and passion for him my eyes filled with tears.

**"Are you okay, baby?" Christian looked at me with concern.**

"I'm great! Fantastic even, I just love you so much. I never thought I could ever love anyone as much as I love you."

He didn't reply with words. He let his body speak for him and for the next 6 hours he let me know the feeling was mutual. I woke as the sun peeked through the windows. Christian was sound asleep looking more peaceful than I had ever seen him. I carefully slipped out of bed and walked to the window. I gasped at the view before me. Pictures didn't do it justice. I don't think I had ever seen something so breath taking, other than the man I now called my husband. The water was crystal clear, the bluest of blue. The mountains reflected on it in a perfect mirror image. Snow covered every last tree and the sun reflected it so brightly I almost needed sunglasses. The lake was partially covered in ice. I could imagine that in a harsher winter it would have been solid ice. My eyes darted from left to right taking it all in.

**"Flawless!" Christian said slipping his arms around my waist.**

"It is isn't it?" I replied.

**"I was talking about you. The lake has nothing on you Mrs. Grey. I can't believe this will be my view for the remainder of my life."**

I couldn't help but blush. Coming from anyone else I might have found it corny, but I knew he meant every word and it melted my heart.

**"Come back to bed so I can show you again how perfect you are for me." **

Breakfast could wait. I was starving for his touch. I don't think I will ever be sated.


	149. Chapter 149

**I know it has been a while since my last post. I am still working on the next chapter. I wanted to share my new blog along with the first chapter of my original story. Please leave reviews. I love hearing your feedback. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. **

**go to:**

**shandystogsdill dot com**

**obviously type it in like a webpage : )**


	150. Chapter 150

**Thanks for your patience. I am posting 2 chapters on my blog tonight as well. Thanks for all of you who have checked it out. Feedback in always appreciated. Also remember to check out my pinterest page I will post pictures showing the house. Happy Reading!**

Chapter 149

We spent 3 nights immersed in one another occasionally venturing out of the hotel to enjoy the beauty. I wanted to ski, but Christian wasn't keen on the idea of me speeding down a mountain, control freak and safety OCD abounding I conceded defeat, this time. Once home I ran straight to Teddy's room and woke him from his nap. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him.

"God I missed you my little man." I said into the crook of his neck. Aw that baby smell, I cannot resist him. "Momma missed you so much. I am not leaving you again for that long, EVER."

_"Hey Ana. I see you found what you were looking for," Grace says in the doorway. "Teddy was such a little angel while you were gone. I know you missed him so I will leave you and Christian to your family time."_

"Thanks for everything Grace….Everything." I said leaning down to kiss Teddy's head.

_"It was my pleasure, sweet girl. You've made our family complete in so many ways. I count it a privilege to have you as my daughter."_

I could feel my eyes tearing up. I think just having Teddy back in my arms and Grace's kind words caught me off guard. I have always felt loved where Grace is concerned, I guess it's just that it's now official. I just nodded and watched her turn and leave. Settling into the rocker I snuggled Teddy until we both fell asleep. The next thing I know I feel soft lips on my forehead. My eyes fluttered open. Christian was kneeling in front of me. Teddy was no longer in my arms but sound asleep in his crib.

**"You need to eat Mrs. Grey. I thought Gail and Jason could join us tonight if you don't mind."**

"I would love that. I didn't get to talk to Gail much at the wedding." I stood up and took his hand following him into the dining room.

We settled into married life easily. Christian worked at the office every day, but made sure to be home for dinner. He whisked me away many times over the next 6 months. Usually for short weekend trips including Catalina Island, Victoria, BC, Aspen and even Vegas. I also found the time to finish the second installment of my book. Life was good, really good. Elliott and I grew closer working on the house and I was grateful my best friend had found such a good man to share her life with. Christian gave me free reign on the house and I even convinced him not to see it until it was complete. I honestly can't believe it. More proof that he would do anything to prove his love to me. In October I knew it was time. Elliott assured me that I shouldn't stress all the details were perfect and he knew Christian would be proud. I sent Christian a text in preparation for my big reveal.

CAN YOU MEET ME FOR DINNER?

**ABSOLUTELY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?**

JUST BE ON THE FERRY AT 4. I NEED SOME ADVICE ON THE HOUSE. WE CAN GRAB A BITE ON THE ISLAND.

**IS EVERYTHING OKAY? IS ELLIOTT BEING AN ASS? I DON'T MIND TALKING TO HIM IF HE IS GIVING YOU A HARD TIME.**

IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT. I JUST WANT YOUR OPINION. 4 O'CLOCK DON'T BE LATE.

**WOW TAKING A PAGE OUT OF MY BOOK…**

I LEARNED FROM THE BEST. LOVE YOU SEE YOU AT 4

**LOVE YOU TOO BABY – CAN'T WAIT!**

**The day dragged on and on. Meetings, idiot employees, and 2 deals on the verge of collapse, Ana was the only bright spot in this horrendous day. I finally said screw it at 3. Taylor pulled into the ferry terminal right at 4. Ana was waiting for me at the entrance. Her hair down blowing in the wind, when she spotted me her smile took my breath away and all that happened today just fell away. I couldn't wait to wrap her in my arms and breathe in her scent. I didn't go right to her, instead I stood back for a few more seconds. She is mine….**

He just stood there staring at me with the silliest grin on his face. Christian looks so young when he smiles and I love knowing it's me that is making him smile. Finally he moved toward me wrapping me tight in a hug.

"How was your day," I said in the crook of his neck.

**"Better now." He kissed my head. "Where's Teddy?"**

"Mia needed a baby fix and I wanted you all to myself."

**"Mmmm I like the sound of that."**

We sat on the Ferry in silence. I could tell he needed to just be. I'm not sure what happened at GEH today, but whatever it was has him tied in knots. By the time we arrived at the ferry terminal I could sense he was beginning to relax. I had Elliott leave a car at the terminal. Christian secures me into the passenger seat then slides in to drive.

"Keys are in the visor." I say.

**"Let me guess, Elliott?"**

I just nod.

**"Guess that means I don't have to kick his ass."**

I can't help but laugh. "No need. He has been wonderful actually."

**"Not too wonderful or I might have to remind him that you are mine."**

"Seriously. That is disgusting. Elliott is my brother and my best friend's husband. Plus why would I even look twice when I have all this.." I run my hands over his arm and then down his leg.

**"Keep that up and we won't make it out of this parking lot."**

"Okay, okay. Let's go. I really need your advice. I am stuck and I need help."

He drives to the property. I click the remote to open the gate. The last time he was here the house was merely framed. He has an idea what the exterior of the house should look like, but other than that all decisions have been mine. When the house comes into view I keep my eyes on Christian. I want to see his reaction.

**"It's beautiful Ana. Really, better than the elevation you showed me."**

"Elliott does good work. He is very talented."

**"And you have a good eye."**

"We'll see. Like I said I need your help." He stops the car and comes to open my door. I slide the key in the front door stepping aside so he can enter first. I close the door behind me.

**"Everything looks amazing Ana. What in the world do you need my help with? It looks like it's ready for us to move in. Hell you furnished it too. I'm impressed."**

"Thanks. I am pleased with the results. Elliott has been amazing. Come with me. I want to give you a tour."

We begin in the living room, then move to the kitchen. There are 3 bedrooms downstairs that include attached bathrooms, a mud room, huge laundry room, formal dining and a small powder room under the stairs. Christian compliments me over and over. He loves it too. We move upstairs going over the 2 bedrooms that will be designated for our children. Teddy's is complete. I had Elliott find everything to replicate the nursery at Escala. I remember the feeling when I saw it for the first time. I wanted the reminder that Christian loved us both so deeply even when he wasn't sure he would ever see us again.

**"Thank you." Is all he says after seeing Teddy's room.**

"You know what that nursery means to me. I had to have it here."

The second bedroom is merely a nice guest room at this point, but one day we will have a second child and this will be theirs. Our bedroom suite is my pride and joy. I want to save it for last. I push passed the closed door. Christian gives me an inquisitive look and I ignore it. There is a small study/library in between the two smaller bedrooms. This is where I plan to work on my editing and writing. I want to be close to Teddy it helps me feel connected to my life even while I am working.

"I want to go to the basement first. You'll understand when we get there." I say taking the steps down in to the foyer and then down another flight to the bottom floor. The house is built on the side of the hill. Although this is a basement it has seamless doors along the back of the property. This space is my gift to him and when he sees it I know it was worth it.

**"I love it. " He says running his hands over the large desk in the center of his home study. **

I wanted you to have a space to work at home. I didn't want you to be distracted with noise so I knew this would be the perfect spot. Plus I wanted you to have a great view rivaling the one at GEH. He walks to the solid wall of glass. I push a button and the glass slides away folding like an accordion against one wall. The cool breeze off the ocean is soothing. I walk to Christian wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his strong back.

**"I may never go to the office again." He pulls me around his body then grabs my face and crashes his lips to mine. I open my mouth willingly losing myself in the sensation. I have to pull back. There is one more space that I want him to see and I know at this rate we won't make it back upstairs.**

"Follow me." I pull him by the hand and bounding up 2 flights of stairs. I open the door to the master and he squeezes my hand. I work through it spouting off specs.

"I made sure it was sound proof. Elliott had all the furniture handmade as well as the mattress since it is bigger than a standard king. There is a secret passageway to Teddy's room that I can leave open if I want to feel closer to him or close off when we want privacy. I plan on keeping that room as a nursery for all of our children." He smiles and I keep talking. "You have to see the closet. The bathroom is huge and decked out but nothing you aren't used to." I open the closet, that is bigger than mine and Kate's rooms combined at our apartment. The size is not what is special. "You have to check this out." I push a button and the back wall opens.

**"You are full of surprises. Did Elliott help you with this personally?" His voice is edgy.**

"No! He doesn't know anything about this. I commissioned this one on my own. It's our little secret, well and Charlie the carpenter. Except he thinks it's some kind of gun safe. Not really hard to convince him when I showed off my Glock."

Christian laughs, shaking his head at the same time. I knew I had to have a place to keep our toys and this was the best I could come up with. I bought replicas of all my favorites from the playroom.

**"So do we get to try these out tonight?" His voice is suddenly low and husky.**

I look at my feet still slightly embarrassed by his boldness, but turned on at the same time. "I hope so." I say softly.

**"Go to the bedroom and get undressed."**

I hesitate. **"NOW Mrs. Grey. It's time to play." **

A shiver runs through me and I bolt stripping my clothes and kneeling by the bed. It's been too long and my body is quivering in anticipation. I sit quietly and wait.


End file.
